Keldeo the Critic- Season Five
by Matthais Unidostres
Summary: Keldeo is back again for a fifth season of reviewing FanFiction so you don't have to! He's crossing into some new franchises this time, but you can count on him to always come back to the old standbys: Pokemon and MLP:FiM! And with Victini, Munna, Zoroark, the Swords of Justice, and the rest of his friends to help him, you can be sure that his reviews will always be awesome!
1. The Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat Part 1

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode One:** _ **The Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat**_ **by TheDreamingHawk**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL : ****y84mzk3c**

Keldeo landed on his left forehoof and sprayed Hydro Pump from his other hooves to spin around in an awesome show of watery acrobatics.

"I'm baaaaaaack!" Keldeo said as he spun.

He stopped spraying water and then flipped up and landed on all four hooves. He smiled and said, "It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so _you_ don't have to!"

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Man. I can't believe I'm on my fifth season! Who knew I'd be able get so much enjoyment out of this! But what really encourages me to keep going is the fact that you readers out there enjoy it to! Whether you agree, disagree, or think I'm in the wrong, it doesn't matter! As long as you get something out of this show, I'm happy!"

Keldeo then smiled warmly and said, "Now, seeing as it's February, the month that Saint Valentine's Day falls in, I think it would be appropriate to review a fanfic that has a theme love and romance."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "And if any of you are wondering why I didn't just do this _on_ Saint Valentine's Day, well. . ."

Keldeo then gave an incredulous look and said, "I obviously spent all of that special day with Meloetta! I couldn't waste that special day doing a review that can be done any old day." Keldeo became misty eyed and gave a sigh, "Ahhhh. What a wonderful day that was."

Keldeo stared into space for a moment, then he snapped back to the present and said, "Oh yeah, ahem. Also, well, what really gave me the final push to come back was actually the end of Kyurem the Critic on February 17th. Kyurem's a great reviewer and a strong rival, so his review show stopping will leave a hole in the FanFiction Critic Community that only I can fill. So, that's why I decided to come back now, at the end of February, with a romance fanfic!"

"Oh, but not just any romance! Oh no, this fanfic stars one of the most infamous quote-unquote 'couples' of all time: Pepe Le Pew and Penelope Pussycat. TheDreamingHawk presents: _The Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat._ "

* * *

 _ **The Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat**_

 _By: TheDreamingHawk_

 _Poor Penelope, ever since a white stripe keeps appearing on her tail due to a mysterious mirror, she can't seem to avoid a skunk named Pepe Le Pew. Can a friendly woman named Marisa get her out of this strange situation? Rated T for suspense._

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 31,124 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 5 - Updated: Mar 18, 2012 - Published: Jan 28, 2012 - Status: Complete - id: 7783772_

* * *

"That's right! It's a Looney Tunes fanfic! The first one to be reviewed by me!" Keldeo said excitedly, "And oh boy, is it gonna be a stinker!"

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAH!**_

"No pun intended," Keldeo said in an aggravated tone, but then he sighed and became rather cheerful again, "Anyway, I'm sure this is gonna be a fun fanfic to criticize. I mean, it has Pepe Le Pew in it! The most hated Looney Tunes character of all time!"

Suddenly, Victini flew in holding a picture the size of him over his head. It was a picture of Fifi La Fume with a big red X over her.

Keldeo blinked, and said, " _Ahem!_ The most hated _classic_ Looney Tunes character of all time."

Victini flew off, and came back quickly, this time holding a picture of Tweety with a big red X over him.

"Oh no you don't!" Keldeo shouted as he whirled around to face Victini, " _Tweety's High Flying Adventure_ was awesome! That's probably why the Nostalgia Critic forgot to review it in his Looney Tunes movie compilation review! It's just too awesome!"

Victini shrank back and said, "Aww come on! Aren't I entitled to my opinion? And anyway, aren't characters that are tiny with big eyes and overly cute voices considered annoying?"

Keldeo's mouth hung open as he looked Victini up and down. Then he said, "Think long and hard about what you just said."

Suddenly, Munna flew in and shouted, "Yeah! Tweety is the best! Get rid of that sign right now! Everyone know Lola is the worst Looney Tunes character!

Victini turned to leave, but rolled his eyes and said, "Sheesh! Who knew Tweety had such devoted fans? Why the heck do you two love him so much?"

Keldeo nervously raised his right forehoof and said, "Eh, wait. I never said I-?"

Munna flew after Victini yelling, "Hey! Come back here! I'm not finished with you!"

Keldeo sighed and put his forehoof back down. "Heh. Well, I guess people can get really passionate about their favorite or least favorite Looney Tunes character. Anyway, about this fanfic. I actually had a hard time finding this one. Why? Well, it turns out the author forgot to select Pepe Le Pew or Penelope as a Character when they published the story, so if you try to find it on FanFicNet by selecting the characters, like you would normally do, the story won't show up. The only way to find it quickly is to _Google Search_ for 'Pepe Le Pew fanfiction'. And the really strange part is that around half of all fanfics with Pepe Le Pew don't have him properly listed as a Character at all, while the other half do. So Google is the only way to ever know they even exist. Weird."

Keldeo shook his head and said, "Well, anyway, this is definitely a story I can sink my critical teeth into, and I'm gonna enjoy doing just that. I mean, we all know how insufferable Pepe Le Pew is right? The cat gets a white stripe painted on her, he thinks she's a skunk and falls in love with her, and the whole cartoon is just him chasing her around and saying lovey-dovey stuff. There's no way you can create a decent fanfic out of that."

Keldeo chuckled and shook his head again, "I mean, how could anything connected with this character possibly be any good? A character so pretentious and repetitive and egotistical and so extremely annoying-."

 _ **One reading later. . .**_

Keldeo was still smiling as he said, "I would like to take this time to apologize to the Pokemon of the Moor of Icirrus for the disappearance of nearly all its berries. You see, after reading this fanfic, I just felt. . . compelled. . . to gather together as many berries as I could and give them to any Skunky and Skuntank I came across."

Keldeo's eyes widened slightly, "I mean. . . wow. . . wow. Arcues, Mew, wow." Keldeo's eyes became even wider as his grin grew bigger and more joyous, "Time and space, Xerneas, Yveltal, WOW! This fanfic is AMAZING! I mean, it's AWESOME! I could gush over this story so much that. . . that's exactly what I'm gonna do!"

Keldeo performed a quick backflip and said, "This is _The_ _ **Super Awesome Amazing**_ _Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat_!"

"The story begins not in France, but in America, where we see the first thing this fanfic does right."

* * *

 _Ah, America. They say it is an area of freedom and happiness. And they sure are right. It's so peaceful and quiet._

 _But I haven't introduced myself, haven't I? My name is Penelope. Penelope Pussycat to be exact. I am a black cat, and a unique one if I say so myself. I am a little shy, and I have been that way all of my life. Nothing bad happened, I was just born that way, I guess._

* * *

"The story is told in the first person, from Penelope's perspective. Let me tell ya why that's important. In the cartoons, since Pepe did all the talking while Penelope never really spoke, it added extra emphasis to how helpless and victimized Penelope was when Pepe was chasing her, making Pepe more unlikeable and the situations less funny. By being able to see Penelope's thoughts, and also allowing her to talk later on, it takes a bit of the misery off and allows more opportunity for funny comments."

* * *

 _What is my basic, simple life you ask? Well, I will just make a summary of it. I stroll around. And enjoy every minute of it. Seeing how I am a kitty I don't have to worry at all about being feared of by the nice people in the town. I enjoy the nice sights, the wonderful ocean, and life itself. My life seems to be perfect._

 _But it really isn't. There is one thing. Just one more thing I would like is to Be acknowledged for being very unique. You see, I can actually stand up tall, hardly any other cats I see can even come close to that. When I stand up tall, I don't need to purr against a person's legs. I can hug one of their legs instead. But no matter how cute I act, They always treat me like the average kitty._

* * *

Keldeo's eyes widened in horror and he gasped, "Oh my gosh, it's Rule 63 Austin Saturn! AAAAAAHHHHH!"

* * *

 _Inside the store, I noticed how pretty it looked. On the higher floors of the walls there were a lot of beautiful paintings, paintings I have never seen before. But I had no time to stare at art. There was one thing I have always wanted to do in the antique store._

 _Play with the manager. According to from what I have overheard from the people who wait in line to get in the antique shop, the manager has some valuable items, and if I could distract her long enough, I could take one home with me. I normally don't like to do sneaky things to humans, as they are actually nice and friendly. But I couldn't buy anything, after all, I am only a cat. So I decided to make my move._

* * *

"So after distracting the manager with her cuteness, Penelope manages to steal. . ." Keldeo chuckled in disbelief and continued, "The most evil looking artifact since the Alicorn Amulet."

* * *

 _"Oh dear... Are you hungry? Is that why you came here? Well, I guess I can get a treat for you in the fridge." The manager went west and entered a door, which I assumed was the kitchen._

 _I quickly went onward behind the counter, and looked around to see what I could take. There was all sorts of valuables, but I didn't want anything too precious, as I only wanted something simple. So I looked some more and saw it. A black mirror covered in hearts. I picked it up and looked into it to make sure it worked. And it did. I could see myself in the mirror. I held on to it and ran out of the store and into the streets._

 _Purr-fect. I got something unique for once, maybe I can use this for something..._

* * *

"Use it for what? Taking control of Tornadus, Thundurus, and Landorus and changing them from their Incarnate Fromes into their Therian Formes?" Keldeo asked cluelessly.

Keldeo then became thoughtful and said, "However, I gotta say that having Penelope steal the mirror that causes her problems is also very important. You see, by having Penelope do something wrong first instead of making her the innocent victim of circumstances, it allows us to be laugh at her Pepe induced plight, because she really did bring this upon herself."

"So, Penelope brings the mirror back to her home in an abandoned park where she is suddenly chased by a woman with pink hair."

There was suddenly the sound of an audience full of people laughing. Keldeo stood with a straight face, waiting for the laughter to die down. Then he said, "I'm serious. You think I'm joking? See for yourself."

* * *

 _The next day I woke up in my leaf bed, with the recent fireworks show giving me encouragement to explore more, and see what this mirror can do. I stood up from the bed, and dug up the mirror to get ready to carry it around._

 _Crack!_

 _I thought I heard a noise, so I quickly turned around toward the gate, still standing up, to see if someone noticed me. I caught a glimpse of a female human with pink hair hide into the bushes._

 _Weird. I guess she is one of those photographers that likes to take pictures of historic monuments._

 _I decided to continue on my way. I jumped over the gate with the mirror in hand, and got on my fours and ran forward toward the marketplace, only to be stopped by a scream coming from behind me._

 _"STOP RIGHT NOW! That is too dangerous for you to hold!" I stood up and looked behind me, to see that the same woman I saw hiding in the bushes was running toward me._

* * *

Keldeo stifled his laughter with his hoof and said, "Okay, if this were any other kind of fanfic, I'd complain about this. But the fact that this is so _loony_ that it sticks out even in the Looney Tunes universe, and yet is just glossed over like no big deal, is just too good to not appreciate!"

"So, the pink haired woman catches up to Penelope and grabs her."

* * *

 _"Ah ha! I got ya, you little mischief maker! Now give me the mirror before it does harm to you!" She wanted the mirror badly, but she wasn't the antique store owner, so I did not want to let it get stolen again. In a panic, I tried to talk to her._

 _"No, you don't understand. This mirror is mine! I honestly got it!" I exclaimed to the woman, but I knew that it wouldn't work._

* * *

"Keep telling yourself that," Keldeo said flatly, "In fact, here, let me help you out." Keldeo then reached over and held up a bullseye that said, _"TARGET FOR LAZER GUIDED KARMA"_ on it in big red letters.

* * *

 _After all, everything I say comes out as "Meow, Meow" anyways._

 _But it did, or at least I thought it did, when the woman stopped and dropped me to scream._

* * *

"AAAAAAH!" Victini shouted as he flew by.

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she also flew by in hot pursuit of Victini.

"Are they still fighting over Tweety and Lola?" Keldeo asked in disbelief. Then he shook off his confusion and said, "Anyway, Penelope runs under a ladder, but trips on a crack in the sidewalk, causing her to drop the mirror and break it, which causes the woman to run away screaming."

Laughter once again filled the area. Keldeo waited for it to stop and said, "I'm still not joking."

* * *

 _I tripped, and landed on a small crack in the ground that was under the ladder, which caused the mirror to fly out of my hand. The woman ran beside me, and jumped up in the air toward it._

 _"No! I can't let this happen, not now!" She reached out for it, when the mirror hit hard on the cement._

 _The mirror was broken, and shattered into many shards, as I laid flat on the cement crack, under the ladder where a bucket of white paint loomed over me..._

 _"I can't believe it! The mirror broke? Oh no..." The woman saw in horror that I was laying on the crack in the cement underneath the ladder. She stepped back, inch by inch, and then ran toward the park area, screaming all the way._

* * *

"I mean, seriously, it's like that scene from the end of the episode _Tough Luck_ from _Jackie Chan Adventures_ ," Keldeo said, looking about ready to crack up with laughter, "I mean, it's like a complete list of superstitions. Stepping on a crack, going under a ladder, breaking a mirror, and hey, she's a black cat! Did she cross her own path? _Can_ you cross your own path?" Keldeo thought on this for a moment.

* * *

 _What's her problem? Sure, I broke a mirror, and fell on a crack that was right under this ladder, which is supposed to be the worst case of bad luck ever, but it can't be that bad._

* * *

"I just love it when characters lampshade their own situations," Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

 _I slowly turned around, got on my fours, and proceeded to head back to the park to see where the woman went. I just put my foot off of the cement, when the painter on top of the ladder shrieked._

 _"Oh no... SKUNK! Get away, or I will call animal protection!" The painter seemed to be yelling at me._

 _But I wasn't a skunk, not at all! People didn't complain about this before. I proceeded to walk back to one of the mirror shards and turned around. I quickly saw that a white stripe was suddenly on my back!_

* * *

"So, it doesn't take long for Penelope to realize that some paint had fallen on her, so she runs back to the park to clean it off in the fountain. But. . ."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Yeah, it's just about that time, isn't it?"

* * *

 _"Ah, there you are!" From what I could tell from the voice, it had a french accent._

 _Wait a minute, a french accent? But ships rarely come to this town! After all, it is only the start of spring, and it's too cold to make the trip here._

 _"Ah, le petite femme skunk! I have got you, and now we will spend our time at the casbah!" I turned my head backwards, and I could see a black cat with a white stripe just like mine standing up straight behind me. He then put his arms around me again, and proceeded to kiss me. Then the odor intensified, and the putrid smell entered my nose even more._

 _Wait a minute. "Femme Skunk?" Doesn't that mean female skunk? If that is what he meant, then that means... He is in love with me!_ _He is the one stinking up the place!_

* * *

"So, Penelope tries running away from Pepe, which goes about as well as when Rainbow Dash tries to fly away from Pinkie Pie," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _But once again, he suddenly came from behind me, and proceeded to hug around my neck._

 _"Don't go looking for zee casbah on your own, I will take you there!" Why won't he get that I am not a skunk? How aggressive can you get?_

 _The odor entered my nose again, the putrid stench, it was getting stronger with every kiss he gave me. Eventually it got so strong, I screamed._

 _"AHH! LET ME GO! THE ODOR IS AWFUL!" I tried and tried to let him know that I wasn't a skunk, but he seemed to not be paying attention to me._

* * *

"See how much funnier it is when Penelope can actually respond verbally?" Keldeo explained.

"So, Penelope ends up losing consciousness from Le Pew's stench, and wakes up on the very top of the Eiffel Tower while the Cloverfield monster destroys Paris."

There was the sound of an audience gasping.

Keldeo stared in disbelief and said, "Wha-? Oh come on! That time I _was_ joking!"

* * *

 _I woke up on cement. It felt like it was a short area of cement, so I stood up straight to see where I was, I looked around and found no sign of the french skunk, with only a door in front of me._

 _Phew! Thank goodness that annoying skunk is gone. I don't get why he wanted to kiss me, though. I bet that he just wanted a friend. Too bad I can't help him now._

 _I looked up at the door, and noticed a sign on the door that showed the words "I will be back tonight at midnight, currently looking for a antique at the antique store.- Marisa"._

* * *

"So, Penelope enters the cabin through a window hoping that Marisa will clean the paint off of her instead of, oh, I don't know, scream that there's a skunk in her cabin and threaten to call Animal Control like the painter did. Plus, isn't this breaking in and entering? First theft and now this? Wow, she sure is earning her toment!"

* * *

 _It was then that I heard a knocking on the door leading outside. I quickly stood up and ran to the door, and carefully undid the unlock switch._

* * *

 _ **Admiral Ackbar:**_ _"It's a trap!" (1)_

* * *

 _"Ah, so you decided to choose zee peaceful place, no?" It was the french skunk, with his odor entering my nose once again. I quickly slammed the door and locked it, only for the lock to break It was then that the skunk moved to the window and opened it, letting himself inside. The window then closed shut, and the skunk locked it._

 _That little stinker! He locked the last door I could have used to get out!_

* * *

"Now, if this were one of the cartoons, we'd probably just resume the repetitive chase scene with the occasional bit of mild slapstick," Keldeo said. Then he threw his head back and shouted, "BOOOOORING!"

Keldeo then smiled warmly and said, "Instead of that, we get to see a more. . . calmer, gentler side of Pepe as the two of them sit down at the kitchen table."

* * *

 _The skunk then proceeded to lift me up, and then move me to the kitchen of the small cabin. He sat me down in one of the chairs carefully, making sure not to drop me._

 _At least he isn't one of those poachers I hear about in town. Maybe he is nice after all!_

 _He then ran over to the other side of the table and got into the chair. He was sitting across from me. I then noticed his stench started to weaken._

 _Maybe if he is happy enough, his stink will be gone! And maybe he could then be able to understand that I am not a skunk!_

 _"Um... Hello. What is your name?" I asked him as clearly as I could, hoping he could understand me. Luckily for me, he did._

 _"My name? Zee name is Pepe, Pepe Le Pew is my name." Now that I got his name, I could continue with the plan._

 _"Oh Pepe, would you like us to have a nice dinner?" I heard from a human couple on the way to the antique shop one time that lovers always have a nice dinner on their first date, if this worked, I could completely kill off his odor, and then I could convince him to open the window, which would allow me to lock him out. Luckily, it worked!_

 _"Oh, yes! That would be great, my darling. What would you like to get?" It was working, but now he needed to know my name, as it could work better if he knew my name._

 _"Call me Penelope. Penelope Pussycat. And I will look around for some food." I hoped that the "cat" part of my name would let him know my true identity, but he didn't seem to notice._

* * *

 _ **Applejack:**_ _"Hint-hint!"_

* * *

 _I stood up out of the chair, and walked to a little compartment with bags of cat food._

 _I hope this works..._ _I grabbed the cat food and took it. I went back to the table and sat down the bag of cat food in the middle._

 _"Sorry if this isn't what you wanted... If you like, I can make a better dinner." I had a bad feeling he would not accept the cat food, so I had to quickly think of a backup plan._

 _"Ah, that will work just fine. How long can I wait before we continue with zee date?" He didn't seem to have any sort of time he wanted to do it, as he seemed to be more interested in loving me than going out on a date with me._

 _I quickly remembered something: The air conditioner! It had a door, and if I hid in there, he would never find me. I decided to make the move to play the waiting game._

 _"As long as we can, let me get it ready." I jumped out of the chair and ran into the room before he could see my intentions._

* * *

 _ **Stu:**_ _"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK!" (2)_

"So. . . Penelope goes to hide from an Arch-Toon that can find her wherever she is through offscreen teleportation. . . in a tiny enclosed space that will only make his stink worse if he goes in there with her," Keldeo said slowly. Then he smiled, tapped his snout with his left forehoof, and said, "Aha! But Penelope doesn't know about Pepe's 'special seeking skills,' so this is not bad writing. What we have here is a little something called _Dramatic Irony._ "

 _ **Dramatic Irony:**_ _A plot device to create situations where the reader knows much more about the episodes and the resolutions before the chief character or characters._

" _We_ know that Pepe's going to find Penelope inside the air conditioner, and thus trap her in a tiny, enclosed space with him and his foul odor, but Penelope doesn't. That creates anticipation and curiosity for the reader. We know what's coming, and that makes us want to see Penelope's reaction even more."

* * *

 _"Oh darling, have you finished your gourmet dinner for zee two of us?" It was Pepe, and he was coming toward the air conditioner! Before I could jump out of the air conditioner, however, the door opened._

 _"Ah, there you are, you found a good place for us to eat, no? I brought zee snacks here!" Pepe squeezed himself into the air conditioner, getting the two of us stuck to each other due to the small space, and then he shut the door, causing it to lock._

 _The door to the air conditioner was locked. The small hole leading to the outside was too small, and I was stuck with Pepe, who's odor started to intensify again, causing the putrid smell to enter my nostrils. Pepe then held his arms around me, and started to kiss me._

 _"Ah... This is a good resting place, no?" He seemed to be calm, but the stink still intensified, and it kept getting stronger and stronger. With the small space in the air conditioner, it would probably surround me completely. I had no choice but to speak to him, hoping that he would stop this._

 _"Pepe... Please, you stink..." I managed to say to him._

 _"What did you say, my darling? I am as cute as ink?"_

* * *

 _ **Furmo:**_ _"Cut your tongue out? No such luck, more's the pity!"_

 _ **Honeysuckle:**_ _"Wot was that you said?"_

 _ **Furmo:**_ _"Cut your tongue out? No no, my duck, yore far too pretty!"(3)_

* * *

 _"Pepe, you stink. Badly, please, just calm down and rest for me..." I managed to say, with the bad stink entering my nose to the point it was like oxygen to me._

 _"You love me badly? Aw, thank you, mon cherie!"_

* * *

 _ **Furmo:**_ _"Oh, give yore wailin' a rest an' pass the beer."_

 _ **Honeysuckle:**_ _"Wot was that you said, Furmo Log a Log?"_

 _ **Furmo:**_ _"I said 'My love's unfailin', nothin' but the best for you my dear!'"(3)_

* * *

 _He kissed me some more and the odor got stronger. The stink was so strong, so annoying, that I lost my temper._

 _"Pepe... Pepe Le pew... YOU STINK! YOU SMELL AND HAVE A TERRIBLE ODOR!" I exclaimed at the top of my lungs, hoping he would know what I meant._

 _"I... Stink? Yes! I do! It proves it, the stink of l'amour is stronger than any other." Pepe was oblivious to my statements, even when I exclaimed them._

* * *

"You know, this would make for a good Febreeze commercial," Keldeo said thoughtfully.

 _ **(Beautiful piano music)**_

 _ **Febreeze: Odor Odes**_

" **I LOVE YOU, PEPE LE PEW**

 **YOUR GRACEFULL HOPPING**

 **AND YOUR FRENCH ACCENT**

 **I LOVE YOU, PEPE LE PEW**

 **BUT SOMETIMES YOU STINK"**

 _ **(Air horn)**_

 _ **(Hip-Hop/Rap music)**_

 _ **(Penelope whips out a bottle of Febreeze and starts spraying Pepe's tail)**_

 _ **Announcer:**_ _"Febreeze air effects doesn't just mask. It clears away-."_

 _ **Penelope:**_ _"Umm. . . I just used up this whole bottle and it's not working!"_

 _ **Announcer:**_ _". . . GET OUT OF MY COMMERICAL!"_

* * *

"So, Penelope passes out _again,_ gosh is this going to become a regular thing with her? But this time she's woken up by Marisa, who happens to be the pink haired woman from earlier."

* * *

 _"HEY! WAKE UP!" A strange, happy voice exclaimed. I opened my eyes, with my nose still feeling awful due to the odor, to see the woman with purple hair that I saw running toward the park earlier in front of me._

* * *

"Oh, come on, keep your colors straight!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _My paws were on the bed next to the air conditioner, I looked to my right and noticed the door of the Air conditioner was broken, with the sides of the door pulled open wide._

 _I am out! By some miracle, I am away from that stink!_

 _The woman smiled at my reaction to the broken door._

 _"Like it? I didn't do it, but it looked like someone with a big rear end forced his way out, don't you think? When I came home I found you knocked out in the air conditioner, with a weird note in french next to you." She giggled, apparently laughing at her own joke about the door._

 _I grabbed for the note, but I had to lay back down on the bed due to the pain in my nose. Thankfully the woman knew what I wanted._

 _"You want this, right? Here, take it. It's a strange note, but not as strange as you, little kitty." She gave me the note, and on it, was a note written in french and english._

 _"Bonjour!_

 _I decided that zee date would be better off tomorrow night, as I think I know just zee place for it! Don't go looking for me, as the path of l'amour will guide you to me tonight!_

 _\- Pepe Le Pew"_

 _I went into a panic, that skunk still was after me! Did he really think my stripe was a work of art?_

* * *

"So Marisa cleans the paint of Penelope, and it's revealed that she can somehow communicate with her."

* * *

 _"Hold still, as I will have to flip you over to remove this..." She held me on the sides and flipped me over. She dipped the paintbrush in the water bucket and moved the brush back and forth on my tail. She then put the bucket under the bed._

 _I looked at my tail, and saw the white stripe was completely gone, I looked just like a normal cat again!_

 _"Thank you... By chance, are you Marisa?" I asked, taking a chance to see if she could really understand me._

 _And she did._

 _"Yes. My name is Marisa, but my last name I will keep secret for now. To be honest, I am considered a prodigy at my school, I got to move out from my family's house, got a job as a researcher for this city, and graduated from high school earlier than my peers. Because of this, I am 16, but here I am, working like a young adult. What is your name, little kitty?"_

 _She could understand me! That means she was special, if she could graduate from the humans' high school that I hear about before she needed to, then that means she was special. And I was special. What could this lead to?_

* * *

"Yeah, it's never explained how Marisa can talk to animals," Keldeo shrugged, "Maybe she bumped her head in Littlest Pet Shop?"

A black and white image of Blythe Baxter with all the Littlest Pet Shop Pets appeared as sad music played. A caption read: _**In Memory of Littlest Pet Shop (November 10, 2012 – June 4, 2016)**_

"Marisa then finally explains what exactly that weird mirror that Penelope stole is."

* * *

 _"That mirror, is The Mirror of Evol._

* * *

Keldeo blinked and said, "Wait, what?"

* * *

 _The Mirror of Evol._

* * *

Keldeo blinked again and said, "Wait, what?"

* * *

 _The Mirror of Evol._

* * *

Keldeo nodded slowly, and he said ". . . . Wait, _what?_ "

* * *

 _The Mirror of Evol._

* * *

". . . . . . Did Bill Cipher make it?" Keldeo asked.

* * *

 _It is a cursed mirror that was rumored to have been made out of love that was out of control..._

* * *

"Oooooh, so it was made during the very first Heart and Hooves Day in Equestria when the Love Poison caused an entire kingdom to fall! Of course! Starswirl must have tossed it through the Equestria Girls mirror along with the rest of the dangerous magical stuff he dumped into the human world."

Keldeo then frowned and said, "Although, I'm not sure how it got from the multicolored human world to the Looney Tunes world. Okay, this is getting a little _too_ confusing."

* * *

 _If it is broken, then bad luck will cover the being who shattered it. Bad luck that will give the user unwanted surprises and apparently a magical curse. I was looking into you, as I noticed that you were special, and that you had the ability to stand up straight. So when I noticed you come out with the mirror of evol, I was worried for you. I was researching it as part of my new interest, so I tried to stop you, but I couldn't..."_

* * *

"Okay, now this is clever!" Keldeo said eagerly, "Now we have a reason for why Penelope keeps getting a white stripe painted on her again and again. It's a magical curse that causes her to become so unlucky instead of just random chance."

"So, Marisa lets Penelope stay safe in her house while she goes out, presumably to do more research on the mirror, which leads into kind of a nice heartwarming moment for our unlucky pussycat."

* * *

 _"I will have to go out once again... But now that I know where you will be, I won't be as long. I should be back in an hour or two." She then closed the door to the house, leaving me inside alone._

 _But I didn't care, even though I was weak from being locked in the air conditioner, at least I know that Marisa cares about me._

 _She cares for me... No one has ever acknowledged me for who I am.._

* * *

"Night eventually falls, and Penelope hears a knock on the door. Now, the smart thing to do would be assume it's Pepe again and ask who it is before opening the door. . . so Penelope just opens the door without thinking," Keldeo said with a deadpanned expression.

* * *

 _I heard a knock at the door. Marisa must have locked the door for my safety. I walked to the door and opened it, getting ready to help Marisa if need be. But when I opened the door, I smelt a foul odor... Again._

 _"Hello cherie." I slammed the door on Pepe's face, causing him to fall on the doorstep, and I locked the door._

 _If I got the stripe off, then how is he still interested in me? Unless-_

 _I looked at my tail, and the white stripe was back. I felt it with my paw, and it wasn't wet._

 _"EEEEEEEEK!" I screamed in horror as the stripe seemed to not want to go away._

* * *

Keldeo looked disappointed. "Oh. . . well that's lame. So, the curse just makes the white stripe magically appear after every time it's washed off? I thought it was gonna be clever, like, everywhere she goes a can of paint will spill on her, or a bottle of white hair dye would fall out of a window. Like, the curse would be a retroactive way of explaining how she kept getting that stripe on her in all of those cartoons. This is kinda underwhelming."

"Well, anyway, Pepe breaks a window to get in, but Penelope escapes the house and tries to run to the fountain."

* * *

 _Perfect, if I can just jump into the fountain, this stink and stripe will be removed!_

 _I leaped toward the fence, until Pepe popped up in front of my face._

* * *

"Can't escape an Arch-Toon, Penelope!" Keldeo quipped.

"So, Pepe grabs Penelope by paw and drags her to a French restaurant for a dinner date. Penelope goes along with, hoping that if he sees everyone else run away from his stench it would make him sad enough to quit."

* * *

 _Don't worry Penelope, you will be saved, they will run away from Pepe, he will get sad, and then I can go back to Marisa._

 _I really hoped for that to happen, but seeing how things were going right now, I wasn't sure if that would happen..._

* * *

"Turns out she was right to not be too sure, because when they get to the restaurant, this happens:"

* * *

 _"HOLY SMOKE! TWO REAL SKUNKS! I CAN'T STAND THEIR TERRIBLE ODOR!" The man then ran out of the door, which caused the people around us to run out, screaming "PEW!" as they ran out._

 _I knew it, we will never get served this way!_

 _But Pepe didn't think the same way. He actually expressed happiness as he sat me down on the chair._

 _"Ah, they noticed that we are wonderful lovers, no?" I put my head on the table in disbelief as he sat down on the opposite end of me._

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAH!**_

Keldeo smiled goofily and shrugged.

* * *

 _At least his stink is not as strong... Maybe he can actually handle this. I hope not, I want to go home!_

 _Then a waiter, oblivious to what just happened, came out of a room, holding a slip of paper._

 _Is he really going to take our order? Or will he run away like I hope he does?_

 _He seemed to stand over the table, and even though I can clearly smell Pepe's stench, he doesn't seem to be bugged by it. He then proceeded to ask us what we wanted._

 _"Ah, I see you two lovers are wearing costumes, are you planning on marriage? Maybe you can go to the costume making business. But anyway, may I take your order?" He said with a stuffed up nose._

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAH!**_

"Wow, two in a row! Oh boy, I hope this story doesn't pull a _Superman 3_ and blows up the wah-wah machine!" Keldeo said worriedly.

* * *

 _"Ah, well, I will have zee spaghetti, if you have it. What will you have, my darling?" I was confused. Why did he order spaghetti, which from what I hear is not french food, in a french restaurant? I then placed my order, ignoring any doubts I have about us not getting served._

 _I doubt I will get understood, but here it goes..._

 _"I guess I will take water and spaghetti, please." The man sniffled, and written down what I ordered._

 _"I shall get your order placed, and then we will fix it to the best of our ability." He then went back into the door leading to the restaurant's kitchen._

 _I can't believe that happened. The man understood me, thought we were in costumes, and didn't even catch a whiff of Pepe's terrible odor. What is going on?_

* * *

Keldeo put his left forehoof to his chin in thought, and he said, "I'm guessing the mirror's curse is what gave this guy a stuffed-up nose and allowed him to understand animals so the date could continue. . . but wait, Marisa could understand Penelope before the mirror broke! But she is an archeologist researcher. . . not to mention a prodigy. . . so I guess she found some other artifact earlier that-."

Keldeo waved his forehoof and put it down, "Aw, whatever. Marisa is apparently the mysterious mentor or something that helps the main character and gives advice, but I don't know. I think she's more like the Toads in the Toad Houses in the _New Super Mario Bros._ games. You'll gladly take what they have, but it's not like it makes much of a difference. You can beat those games easily without going to a single one."

"So, now that everything is calmer, we get a more relaxing, character driven scene of Pepe and Penelope just having a little bit of small talk."

* * *

 _"Pepe, can I ask you something? What does mon cherie mean?" Seeing how he said it a lot to me, I was worried it meant he was actually in love with me._

 _"Ah... Mon Cherie. That is a term I have been using all of my life, to use for the one I love. My pupil taught it to me." Well, it did mean that he really was in love with me. But Pupil? I had to ask that as well._

 _"Who is the pupil who taught you that phrase?" I just had to know._

 _"Oh, zee pupil, well, a long time ago, I was zee teacher at zee university. I had a young pupil, admiring me to find l'amour of her own. She gave me suggestions for phrases she could use to woo zee ladies every day! But when the school closed, I decided to go on my own path in France, and now America to find L'amour for me."_

 _So that is why he came to this American city! He just wanted a change of pace in his life, that's all... Great. Now I am really stuck with this crazy skunk..._

* * *

"Oh no, I hope they're not foreshadowing an appearance by Fifi La Fume!" Keldeo said in horror, but then he composed himself and said, "But aside from that, it's nice to see Pepe share a little of his backstory. It helps to see him more as character and less as an obstacle. As it should be."

"So, the date continues and . . . it ends up going rather _well_ believe it or not."

* * *

 _"Ah, now we can continue with zee business we started last night. Come now, let's eat!" He grabbed the little metal stick and put it in the spaghetti. He then pulled it back out and put it in his mouth, and then started to chew it, only to swallow it._

 _"See darling? This is how you use zee fork to eat this." He could tell I have never really ate in a restaurant before. And then he stared at me._

 _I have to eat this? Well, OK..._

 _I got out the fork, and then quietly wrapped the spaghetti around the fork. I then put it in my mouth, and felt the taste in my mouth. It was so good!_

 _What is this? This... This is the best thing I have ever tasted! I haven't ever ate anything so good!_

 _I was happy again, regardless of the stink. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all!_

 _After we ate, Pepe payed the bill, and we left the restaurant without the waiter noticing us being skunks._

* * *

Keldeo had a delighted smile on his face. "Well, that was. . . nice. . . It was downright adorable. I actually wouldn't mind seeing that animated. Hay, I'd _pay money_ to see this animated! Also, I've gotta commend TheDreamingHawk for not resorting to that overused _Lady and The Tramp_ reference here. I mean, it would've been so easy to stick that here, but he didn't. Hey, maybe that was the joke. The mirror's curse somehow allowed them to eat spaghetti at a _French_ restaurant, and yet we still avoided that overused spaghetti kiss cliché."

"What we got instead was a very nice way of showing how Penelope is slowly warming up to Pepe while also showing that Pepe is not a bad guy. Yeah, he chases the girl he loves like crazy, but that's just it: he _does_ love her and he knows how to be a gentleman. So, when he finally gets her to stop running, he calms down. He took her to a nice restaurant, helped her get comfortable, picked out something tasty, and payed the bill. I mean, she just admitted to herself that she was happy in spite of his odor. Character development!"

"Pepe even seems to somehow know what Penelope wants before she knows she wants it, as seen when he grabs a fish out a trash can and feeds it to her, resulting in this:"

* * *

 _I took it from him, then stuffed it in my mouth. I haven't had a fish in a while, so it was worth a try._

 _And I was happy._

 _The taste... It tastes so good! Even better than the spaghetti! This is the best night I have ever had with eating out!_

 _I was so happy, that I was able to slip a "Thank you." to Pepe. Pepe then smiled._

* * *

Keldeo sighed, still smiling, and said, "But yeah, I know what you're thinking. _'That's all nice, Keldeo, but this is a Looney Tunes fanfic! Where's the Looney-ness?'_ Well, don't worry, cause here it comes! Penelope still doesn't like Pepe's stench, so she decides to head into a perfume store to mask his odor."

* * *

 _Of course! If I can go to the perfume shop, I can spray Pepe, and then I can easily stand the rest of the night!_

 _So I tried to run over there, but Pepe grabbed my arm and held me back._

 _So I turned around in his arms, and punched him in the face. But he still looked at me with a grin._

 _"Flirt." He then proceeded to quickly get back up, and then he started hopping after me as I entered the perfume shop, causing all of the people inside of there to run as my stench slowly approached them._

 _At least they can't stop me. I got to do this, and fast!_

 _I looked up at the shelf, and noticed that there were 5 types of perfume on it. If I looked for other kinds, Pepe would catch me, so I had to just grab one. I grabbed the blueberry kind._

 _I like blueberries all of the time, I can like him for one night._

 _So I turned around and opened my arms wide, waiting for Pepe to enter, and when he hopped his way in, I got the bottle ready._

 _"I hope there are blueberries in France, Pepe." I aimed at his tail, and sprayed as hard as I could, but the fresh scent didn't last long, the stink cloud from his tail absorbed it in, causing his stink to get worse, and to get stronger. But he didn't mind._

 _"Oh but of course! You want to give me all of your love in a bottle? No need for that, as zee l'amour will only require you." I turned around and grabbed the other bottles, seeing the remaining 4 labels: Grassland, Egg, Tomato, and Limburger._

* * *

"What idiot makes egg, tomato, or _limburger_ perfume?" Keldeo asked incredulously, "Is this the same place where Mike and Sully get their odorant?"

 _ **Mike:**_ _"Can I borrow your odorant?"_

 _ **Sulley:**_ _"Yeah, I got, uh, Smelly Garbage or Old Dumpster."_

 _ **Mike:**_ _"You got, uh, Low Tide?"_

 _ **Sulley:**_ _"No."_

 _ **Mike:**_ _"How about Wet Dog?"_

 _ **Sulley:**_ _"Yep. Stink it up."(4)_

* * *

 _I grabbed the limburger and the egg, and got them ready to spray. But Pepe was slowly getting closer to me, so I uncapped the two and threw them on his tail, causing it to spill on the tail. Pepe actually noticed it this time._

 _"Oh, now 3 bottles? Thank you, but this action is not needed when I have you." The odor intensified even more, to the point it was like I was locked in a garbage can._

* * *

"This kicks off another chase scene ending with Penelope hiding in a hole near Marisa's cabin."

* * *

 _I heard Pepe jump right over the hole. But it wasn't good for long._

* * *

 _ **Pinkie Pie:**_ _"WHAT'S THE REAL REASON YOU WON'T COME TO GUMMY'S PARTY?!"_

* * *

 _"Hello bebe." I turned around and saw the skunk was in front of me in the small cave I dug. He then proceeded to kiss me._

 _"How the heck did you get in here?" I wondered how he could hop over the hole, but then get into the hole after that._

 _"Ah, I am zee locksmith of love, no? This is zee perfect place for us to kiss!"_

* * *

"Of course Penelope escapes back to the cabin, where Melisa cleans her stripe back off and uses tomato juice to get Pepe's stink of off her."

Keldeo sighed in annoyance and said, "And, yes, I can hear all you _Wild Kratts_ fans out there complaining, so I'll say it: using tomato juice to get rid of skunk smell doesn't work. The real formula is 1 quart of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide, 1/4 cup of baking soda, and 1 teaspoon of liquid hand soap. There. Satisfied?"

"So, anyway, Marisa then reads the legend of the Mirror of Evol out of a book she found."

* * *

 _"According to a research book I have gotten, the legend of the Mirror of Evol goes like this... Long ago, there was a tribe living far away in a kingdom. They made many wonderful relics, usually made to cure diseases or to bring happiness. But one day, a strange wizard came into the kingdom, and forced the tribe to make him a mirror that would help him find true love. But as the tribe tried to make a mirror, they couldn't find the materials needed to create the outer layer of the mirror. Only the glass could be found. Enraged, the wizard demanded that they use any kind of material to make the outer layer, as for him, all that he wanted in the mirror was the power he wanted to store in it. So the tribe_

* * *

Munna flew back in and she and Keldeo sang:

"EX – PO – SI – TION! EX – PO – SI – TION! RUSH – IT – OUT! AS – AP!"

Munna flew off and Keldeo said, "Yeah, yeah. Long story short, a wizard made the mirror, bad stuff happened to him, he killed a king, and his tribe was cursed. Penelope doesn't believe it. . . _even though she literally just saw the stripe magically appear on her_ , so Marisa literally throws her out of the cabin in order to get her to see the truth."

* * *

 _"You think that the white stripe is just a bad coincidence? Well, I will prove to you that it is not! You will see that all of that bad luck you gained is stuck unless you can find a way out of it." She then grabbed me and walked to the door. I started to get worried._

 _"What are you doing? What about the protection?" I was confused about what she was so mad about. But before I got an answer, she opened the door and threw me outside, slamming the door shut and locking it so I couldn't get back into the house._

 _"Yes! Zee female lady skunk, and she is all mine!" It was Pepe, and somehow he quickly spotted me._

* * *

"Penelope tries to escape on the river by using a large piece of bark as a boat, but, by the Magic of Merrie Melodies, Pepe appears on it with her and the two are now floating downstream straight towards a-."

* * *

 _"WATERFALL! Pepe, do something!" I was so scared to the point I even hugged Pepe as tight as I could for protection, but he didn't seem to notice. Was this the end already? Was I meant to die like this? I certainly hoped not..._

* * *

"Hey! Be grateful! At least you aren't tied up!" Keldeo argued.

 _ **Pacha**_ _: "Uh-oh."  
_ _ **Kuzco**_ _: "Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall."  
_ _ **Pacha**_ _: "Yep."  
_ _ **Kuzco**_ _: "Sharp rocks at the bottom?"  
_ _ **Pacha**_ _: "Most likely."  
_ _ **Kuzco**_ _: "_ _. . ._ _Bring it on." (5)_

* * *

 _"Pepe, help me!" I hugged him tightly and covered my face in his tail (Which still stinks badly) as the bark went off of the waterfall, and we were about ready to fall to our doom._

* * *

 _ **CRAAAAAASH!**_

 _ **Porky Pig:**_ _"Ebbe-ebbe-ebbe-that's all folks!"_

"No, no, no. That's not the end," Keldeo admitted, "Pepe, being an Arch-Toon, simply reaches into Hammerspace and pulls out a parachute."

* * *

 _"Your are no longer timid, no?" I looked up at Pepe, who had somehow opened a parachute, saving our lives. The parachute slowly descended down to the grassy ground, where I then let go of Pepe._

 _"Thank you so much! You just saved my life!" I was happy that he did such a thing._

 _"Ah, that was zee parachute of love, saving us from zee trap of death, no? But now, we are alone, and we will have a beautiful time together at my home! MUUUWH!" He gave me a big kiss on the check._

 _I sighed. Even though Pepe saved me, I didn't like the fact that he was so insistent on loving me, and that with that love came that putrid smell. But I knew the only way to get back to the town was to go with him... And I was scared to death about what might happen._

 _Oh Marisa, why did you get so impatient with me? I guess I could find my parents if I knew where they were..._

 _Looking for my parents, however was a bad idea... I guess I haven't mentioned them at all, haven't I? Well, I don't really like them, since I was able to move out from_

* * *

Munna flew back in and she and Keldeo sang:

"EX – PO – SI – TION! EX – PO – SI – TION! RUSH – IT – OUT! AS – AP!"

Munna flew off and Keldeo said, "Yeah, yeah. Long story short, her parents tried to force her to get a boyfriend, so she got fed up with them and ran away from home."

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed as she leaned back in and quickly flew off again.

"So then Pepe takes Penolope to his house in the forest, _which turns out to be a huge fancy mansion?!_ " Keldeo exclaimed with wide eyes.

* * *

 _"Ah, yes. Zee old house was an ugly cabin, but when I learned about remodeling, they gladly changed the wallpaper, added some more rooms in this mansion and then made it bigger, and voila! Now we have zee romantic spot." At least his taste in furniture was more cleaner than his stench. But speaking of which, I had another question._

 _"Did you pay the bill?" I wondered if they noticed his stench._

 _"No, as for some reason, the remodel, I come to them and offer them money, and they run. Why?" That explained why he didn't look like a billionaire, as even though the house was in great taste, he wasn't wearing any clothes or anything fancy (Though then again, what animal would?)._

* * *

"Bugs Bunny?" Keldeo offered.

"So, you're probably wanting some more Looney-ness by now. . ." Keldeo whistled long and loud, and then he said, ". . . and this fanfic dives headfirst into a big old storm of Looney-ness!"

Unable to contain his laughter, Keldeo chuckled and said, "First of all, when Pepe takes her into the dining room and offers her more fish, Penelope goes into an insane feeding frenzy!"

* * *

 _He then laid the huge tray in front of me, and then sat down._

 _I was licking my lips like crazy. I loved fish! Ever since Pepe got it for me last night, I wanted more. I just liked how nice it tasted. And as I was trying to recreate the taste in my mouth, Pepe opened the lid of the tray, revealing a huge pile of fish for the two of us!_

 _"Like it? Don't worry, I have a lot more if you need it. Now, let's eat!" But before he could pick up a fish, I grabbed a huge handful of fish and stuffed it in my mouth._

 _Yes... The juicy taste... The wonderful taste! This is so good... Must eat MORE!_

 _After I swallowed the handful, I reached for more, and then stuffed it again in my mouth, while Pepe just quietly cut and ate his fill._

 _A minute later, the tray was empty, as I ate all of the fish, while Pepe was only on his second one. Pushing the plate up to Pepe, I got ready to ask him for more._

 _"May I have some more?" I then let out a big belch, which then entered Pepe's nose, causing him to cover his nose with his hands._

 _"Le pew! I see zee skunk likes my recipe, no? Then I shall make some more!" He then ran out of the dinning room, quickly running to the kitchen, leaving his leftovers behind._

 _Ha! My burp sure was stinky! Though I should have handled it better, I don't think he really minds that much. Funny how my burp caused him to cover his nose, yet his stench is far worse than my burp._

 _He then came back quickly with another big tray, pushing aside the other tray that I cleaned out._

 _"Enjoy, again! Though I would ask of you to eat less fish at once..." He let go of his nose, meaning my stench was gone from his perspective. He opened the tray, and I stared in amazement as there was another huge pile of fish. Pepe seemed to have an endless amount of fish, and they were mine, all mine!_

* * *

"It's like someone used the Spell Card Polymerization to fuse Daffy Duck and Sylvester!" Keldeo said in amazement.

* * *

 _After Pepe put the handful on his plate, he gave me the go ahead. And then I snapped. Not in an angry way, but in a hyper-active way, by jumping on the table and sitting in the tray. I then grabbed one fish at time and put it in my mouth, swallowing it as fast as a ticket eater at those human fairs. Pepe stared at me with a happy grin as I stuffed myself with all of the fish in the tray._

 _When I was all done, I laid on my back and relaxed, letting out another burp. (This time saying excuse me) But when I asked for more, Pepe shook his head._

 _"No cherie, you can not have more, you are already as fat as zee balloon, no?" I looked down, and he was right. I ate so much that I was fat! I guess I really loved all of that fish._

* * *

"Scooby Doo, eat your heart out!" Keldeo quipped, "But wait. . ." Keldeo chuckled a bit and then continued, "There's more! The next morning, Pepe actually puts them both on an exercise regimen to get rid of all the cartoony weight Penelope gained. What kind of exercise, you ask?"

* * *

 _He pointed to a little conveyor belt beside the bed. It was one of those treadmills the humans used to exercise._

 _"What is that for...?" I was getting a little nervous._

 _"That is zee training workout for us. Zee pump of love isn't ready yet, so I have decided to go and get out this thing for us to workout on." I looked down at his belly and noticed he also gained a tiny bit of weight, but not nearly as much as I had._

 _"Fish is fattening, no?" I giggled at his comment. But I just wanted this to be over with. I slowly got out of bed and Pepe turned on a fan running behind the treadmill._

 _"You want me to get on this?" I was already on it, holding the machine, but I wanted to double check if I could use his stuff. He then nodded._

 _"Oui. But wait for me to get on behind you, then I will start the machine." He stepped on the machine right behind me, where the odor entered my nose._

 _Ugh. This stinks. I have to workout with him! I can't imagine what it will smell like afterwards..._

 _Gah! This odor... It stinks! It's like I am trapped in a garbage can..._

 _"Now, I will chase you, don't get caught by me!" I was taken by surprise at Pepe's statement, as he held his arms toward my tail. I quickly got the strength to get on my fours, which allowed me to run really fast on the treadmill, trying to get away from the smell. But it was everywhere, I ran into it, I would fall toward it, I couldn't escape it._

 _I held my breath as I started to pick up the pace. But then the odor still was able to enter my nose, even with my breath mostly held. I ran a little faster, then Pepe then followed me, hitting a button that caused it to accelerate._

 _I ran like crazy, almost as much as when he first chased me, but I couldn't move off of this thing. But then the odor swirled around the room, causing me to be surrounded by it. The stink was everywhere._

* * *

Keldeo held a straight face and said in a calm intellectual tone, "Ah, yes. I believe this is known as the _Scooby Doo and Shaggy Workout._ "

Three pictures taken from _Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase_ appeared. The first one showed Shaggy and Scooby big and fat after eating all the food in the cafeteria, with the caption _**BEFORE**_. The second picture showed them running from the Phantom Virus, with the caption _**DURING**_. The third picture showed them both as skinny as they normally are, with the caption _**AFTER**_.

"AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Keldeo laughed, unable to hold onto to his straight face anymore. "It's like: _'Zoinks, Scoob! It's the Skunk Monster!'_ "

Keldeo laughed a bit more, then he said, "But wait! There's _MORE_! As the crown jewel of this story's Looney-ness, Pepe takes a bath in a special mixture he created that causes _this_ to happen!"

* * *

 _In the middle of the floor, was a big jug of pink juice, with a lid As soon as I looked at it, Pepe began to explain what it was._

 _"This cherie, is L'amour. It is a tank that will give us a wonderful bath... Would you like to go first?" I had no clue what he meant, but then I realized that he meant that the pink juice was some sort of shampoo, meaning he wanted us to look fancy._

 _"No thanks. How about you?" Maybe it would briefly disable Pepe's odor, or at least make it weaker what it was now._

 _"OK. Cherie, you are missing out on zee great relaxation!" He then happily unscrewed the lid and jumped in. Through the glass, I could see Pepe relaxing on his side under the juice._

 _A minute later, he jumped out of the container._

 _"How do you like? I look clean, no?" Sadly it did not remove his odor, instead, it made it stronger, to the point it smelled like sour garbage. But before I could turn back, My body lost control._

 _"Madame?" Pepe seemed to be as confused as I was. All of a sudden, I turned around toward him, and started to move closer to him. I quickly realized what was happening: His smell somehow was attracting me! And I couldn't resist._

 _"You are mine." Were the words I unintentionally let out. I jumped at his body and started to kiss his face nonstop. He enjoyed it at first, but after about a minute he tried to push me away._

 _"OK madame, we can stop kissing now, we got to get ready for a dance! Madame? MADAME!" He shrieked as I wouldn't stop kissing him on the lips._

 _Why am I doing this? I hate him! I am not kissing him!_

 _But my body said otherwise. I continued to kiss as he tried to slip out of my reach. Pepe snapped his fingers several times._

 _"MADAME! PLEASE LET GO OF ME! THE FURNACE GOT OVER STOKED!" He was screaming, as if he was being scared out of his own mind._

* * *

"GET HIM! GET HIM!" Keldeo shouted eagerly, "Quick! Play the Benny Hill music!"

* * *

 _I was moving on my fours toward Pepe, who was running away terrified._

 _"Zee love potion is overdone... My surprise is broken!" He started to cry as he was running away from me._

 _LOVE POTION? That is why I can't control myself... His odor mixed with the combination of perfumes is causing the perfumes to be super strong... That is why my body is trying to hug him!_

 _Pepe opened the door to the bedroom to hide under the covers, that I quickly locked as I entered inside._

 _"STOP! Stop now! Or... I will lock you in zee room alone!" But it didn't work, I was being drawn toward him, ready to kiss him, as he moved slowly backwards, he came to a halt at the end of the bed, where I then grabbed him and started to kiss him as fast as my lips were able to._

 _Oh Pepe... If only you could enter my mind. I don't want to kiss you!_

 _Pepe began to cry, sad that I was being oblivious to anything he asked me._

 _"Darling... Why did I do this to you?" I was about ready to give him a big hug, when all of a sudden, I stopped._

 _BZZZZZT!_

 _The smell of the perfumes wore off as I was sprayed with a huge amount of odor from Pepe's tail, causing me to fall off of the bed. Pepe then quietly got off of the bed as well._

 _"Are you alright? Speak to me!" He was no longer worried, sad, or crying. He was happy to see that I was not under the influence of the perfumes._

 _And as I slowly regained control of my body, I was relived to find that I wasn't madly in love with him again. But I could only let out two words before I passed out from the odor._

 _"PEEEEEE YEW!"_

* * *

Keldeo had been laughing hysterically the entire time. The Benny Hill music stopped as he took a deep breath to calm himself down and said, "Wow. . . okay. I'm with Penelope on this one. We need to take a break after that triple threat of Looney-ness."

Keldeo then promptly collapsed in laughter induced exhaustion.

 _ **We'll be right back!**_


	2. Musical Skit- 1

_(This song is based on_ _ **Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition (Oney Plays) Creepypasta Song- The Living Tombstone**_ _. For the best effect, while you read the lyrics, play the instrumental in a new tab or window: TinyURL:_ **yagxxca7** _)_

* * *

 _ **MERRIE MELODIES**_

" **THE MIRROR OF EVOL"**

* * *

It was in the Spring, of 1911, I was walking down the street and I-

saw there was no line at the antique shop

.

I went inside, and then I saw, a black mirror that was covered in hearts

I thought that maybe I could use it

.

Then I saw a woman with pink hair, she said, "Stop right now! That is too dangerous for you to hold!"

.

I started running and I tripped, dropped that mirror to the ground, then that mirror did shatter and break

.

Walked under a ladder, with a bucket of white paint, the bucket loomed over me. . .

The painter called me a skunk

.

I proceeded to walk to one of the mirror shards, I quickly saw there was a white stripe. . .

Suddenly on my back

.

And then a skunk grabbed onto me, his name's Pepe Le Pew, he just will never leave me alone

.

Went over the fence and then he jumped, I screamed when he caught me, and I feared he wouldn't let go

.

Just stay away from my accursed Mir-ror of E-vol,

You better back away my friend!

You can't take away the curse of my Mir-ror of E-vol,

It's a cruse that never ends!

.

Oooooooooh (aaahhhhhh)

Ohhhhhhhhh (aaahhhhhh)

Oooooooooh (aaahhhhhh)

Ohhhhhhhhh (aaahhhhhh)

.

Everything went black, I woke up on cement, it felt like an area of cement. . .

I could only see a door

.

There was Pepe Le Pew, and he came through the window, locked the window behind him. . .

I could have used it to get out

.

Then Pepe Le Pew, he picked me up, sat me down into a chair, and his stench started to get weak

.

I made a plan, so I could kill that stench and open a window. . .

and lock him out again

.

I hid inside of the air conditioner, I wanted to play the waiting game

But then he squeezed inside, he shut the door and it locked

I said "Pepe, you stink badly, please just calm down and rest for me..."

Pepe kissed me some more and the odor got stronger

.

I screamed, "You smell and have a terrible odor!" at the top of my lungs, hoping he would know what I meant

.

Passed out again, and by some miracle, I was away from that stink when I awoke the next day. . .

Hey!

.

Just stay away from my accursed Mir-ror of E-vol,

You better back away my friend!

You can't take away the curse of my Mir-ror of E-vol,

It's a curse that never ends!

.

Ohhhhhh-oh-ohhhhh!

Ohhhhhh-oh-ohhhhh!

Ohhhhhh-oh-ohhhhh!


	3. The Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat Part 2

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode One:** _ **The Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat**_ **by TheDreamingHawk**

"So, Penelope regains consciousness and is no longer under the effects of the love potion, and Pepe. . . is pretty calm about the whole thing, actually."

* * *

 _"Cherie! You are normal again! Now we can get ready for our dance." I was in confusion. What happened, and why was I chasing Pepe like crazy? And why did it smell like he just had a huge workout? To me, it just was confusing. At least that annoying perfume mix was not confusing me anymore, but I needed Pepe to recap what was going on, and how long did I really stay passed out?_

 _"Pepe, wait a moment! How long was I passed out?" Pepe turned around and gave me a smile._

 _"Only about 5 seconds. I thought I lost you! Zhat teaches me not to overdo the perfumes..."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "I guess he's just happy that she's her old self again, and loves her enough to want to move past what had happened. But hey! At least he was actually sorry about what he did!"

"So, anyway, _and now they dance!_ " Keldeo said as he got up on his hindlegs and struck posed.

* * *

 _"Come in cherie, this is where I will show you my powers on zee dance floor!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the new room._

 _The new room was even bigger than the dining room! With a lot of empty space, a wooden floor with no rugs on it, and a disco ball on the top. I was in amazement once again._

 _"Now, let's get this party started, cherie!" He let go of me to head to a stereo plugged into a wall, putting in a cassette tape. He then ran back to me and grabbed my body._

 _The machine started playing sound, eventually turning into the song "Alouette". Pepe then started moving me back, then forth, and then back and forth again._

 _Wait, what do I do? I don't know what a dance is or how to dance!_

 _After I made those thoughts, Pepe knew that I couldn't dance._

 _"Don't worry cherie, I will move for you, and you will follow me." At that moment, I stopped trying to move, as Pepe did some movements, pulling me along._

 _I can't really explain how it went... It just seemed to me as if he was moving me in the same motions, and it just seemed boring. After what seemed like forever, the stereo shut off, causing Pepe to stop dancing._

* * *

 _ **Slappy the Squirrel:**_ _"That was pointless."_

Keldeo frowned as he dropped back down on all fours. "Yeah, Slappy's right, this scene was kinda pointless. It wasn't funny, it didn't advance their relationship at all, what was the point?"

Keldeo then smiled and said, "Hey! I said this fanfic was awesome, not _perfect!_ "

"However, Penelope _is_ starting to wonder if she might be falling for Pepe."

* * *

 _Do I really like him? Is it really possible?_

 _No Penelope. You are not in love with him. He is too stinky for you, and he is a skunk, and you are a cat! You can't be friends. Never. Go back to your parents..._

 _His smile... It looks so handsome... NO! I am not in love with him... Once again, remember that he smells like foul garbage, and that you are a pretty kitty. One who stinks up a bedroom is not welcome in your life, Penelope._

* * *

"If this is a metaphor for interracial relationships, then that means _Zootopia_ wasn't as revolutionary as everyone thinks," Keldeo suggests, but then his eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Wait, what did she say?!"

* * *

 _One who stinks up a bedroom is not welcome in your life, Penelope._

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _"*Mwah* Goodnight everybody!"_

". . . . _Anyway_ , realizing she needs help from _someone_ , she checks Pepe's address book and looks up her parent's address."

* * *

 _After coming to the P section, I saw my parent's name and address._

 _"Fifi Pussycat_

 _9523 Raw Ave_

 _San Diego, California"_

 _I had found her, but I need to know where I currently was, so I flipped back two pages and came across Pepe's name and address_

 _"Pepe Le Pew_

 _9607 Raw Ave_

 _San Diego, California."_

* * *

"Yeah, I know. But remember, this is the _Looney Tunes_ universe. Animals owning property is one of the least strange things about this one."

"So, Penelope tells Pepe that she needs to go on an errand, and Pepe _actually lets her leave!_ "

* * *

 _"I found it. It may be a while before I come back... Goodbye!" I stood up and walked out of the mansion, with Pepe following me to the entrance._

 _"Au revoir! May I be lucky to run into you on your errand!" I waved goodbye as he shut the door._

* * *

Keldeo looked impressed, "Huh. I'm guessing he either feels he's completely won her over by this point, feels guilty about the love potion incident. . . or will probably find her wherever she goes using offscreen teleportation. . . Yeah, it's probably the third one."

* * *

 _I can't believe I am wanting to come home after so long... And to think after I wanted to do nothing with their desires._

 _Knocking on the door, the door swung wide open, unlocked._

 _"Hello? Mom? Dad?" I looked around the familiar living room, seeing no trace of them. Closing the door, I ran up the stairs, and saw my room. Completely untouched. All of my cassette tapes, my diary, and my bed... The memories were coming back. The day I was angered by my mother, the day I ran away to the nearest area I could find, the day I felt sad about myself. The day-_

 _"Penelope Pussycat? Is that you?" My thoughts were broken as I saw my mother, Fifi, with a shocked expression in her eyes..._

 _I stared into the eyes of my mother, who looked very similar to me, as she was carefully looking at me to make sure it was me._

 _"Penelope... I can see the white stripe on your back... But I can feel your love either way. You are my daughter." I turned away from her, trying to pretend that she wasn't there as I got into my bed. My mother frowned._

* * *

"Oh come on, you spoiled little Purrloin!" Keldeo complained, "Do you want your parents' help or not?" He sighed and said, "Okay, sorry about that. But biscuits, _my_ parents died in a fire!"

* * *

 _"I can understand your feelings... You have been through a lot lately, I can tell based on your hard fur. But I really want you to know, I am sorry for acting so desperate for you to make friends!" I just wanted her to stop talking, so I decided to speak._

 _"I didn't need friends... I just wanted to live a peaceful life..." Looking at my mother, she seemed to be happier._

 _"And I now understand. After you ran away, your father was so worried, he thought you had died, but I kept telling him that a choice like that would not be done by you. He never listened, and he just sits in bed all day long." I was shocked. Did my father really worry about me that much? I only had one thing to do before I rested in the house._

 _I got out of bed and walked out of the room, entering my parents' bedroom across the hall. On the white bed, was my father Pierre. He seemed to just be sleeping._

 _"Wake up. I am home." After saying those words, he woke up, and looked at me in shock._

 _"Penelope! You really did came home!" He then stood up and hugged me, which I then returned the favor by kissing him._

* * *

"Ahh. That's better," Keldeo commented, "So Penelope does reconcile with her parents and tells them all about the incredible Looney-ness she's been through. But during the story, we get this bit of information:"

* * *

 _"Wait a minute, a human? And you can speak to it?" She seemed to be more interested about the human than Pepe. I gave a nod, and she was shocked, but not my father._

 _"I knew that would happen... One of the traditions of the Pussycat family is to be able to speak and act like the humans... Meaning you can communicate with the humans now!" I was shocked. If what my father said was true, then I could speak to anyone, which explains why I could speak to the chef at the restaurant the other night._

* * *

"Wait. . . so. . .it wasn't Marisa who was special? It was Penelope?" Keldeo said slowly with a look of surprise, "And is this just a roundabout way of saying that the Pussycat family are Toons?"

"So, after telling the story, the family decides to use the surefire way of shutting down boyfriends."

 _ **DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNN!**_

"The Overprotective Dad Trope," Keldeo said in an overly dramatic voice.

* * *

 _My mother then told my father the number, which he then dialed by moving his fingers on his phone around in a circular motion, causing the phone to make a buzzing sound that I could hear from the couch._

 _"Yes, you have reached Pepe Le Pew, I have answered, no?" I heard his voice from the speaker, holding on to my mother's body, she kissed me to assure me he would be dealt with. I covered my head with the blanket regardless._

 _That was when my father began speaking to him._

 _"Yes, Pepe. This is Pierre Pussycat, father of Penelope Pussycat. I heard rumors that you have been dating my daughter, correct?" My father kept a normal tone, neither mad or happy._

 _"Oui. She is pretty, isn't she?" I blushed under the blanket, that weirdo wouldn't stop talking about love with me._

 _"Yes, anyways, about that Her father wants her home now, and her father doesn't want her to spend the night again, OK?" I sighed in relief, removing the blanket from my head._

 _"Oui. I will tell her zee message. Au revoir!" The phone line then shut off, meaning he got off of the phone. My father put the phone down, and walked up to me._

 _"There Penelope. Now he won't bother you anymore." He gave me a kiss on my cheek as I hugged him tightly._

* * *

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Oh man, I wish we could've seen this scene from _Pepe's_ perspective."

 _ **Pierre:**_ _"She is on an errand now, as she probably has told you, but when she gets back, tell her this. Her father wants her home now, and her father doesn't want her to spend the night again, OK?"_

 _ **(Pepe starts sweating bullets with a look of terror on his face)**_

 _ **Pepe (In his mind):**_ _"Oh merde, oh merde, oh merde!"_

 _ **Pepe:**_ _"Oui. I will tell her zee message. Au revoir!"_

 _ **(Pepe hangs up quickly, mops his face and forehead with a hankerchief, then quickly pours himself a glass of champagne and gulps it down.)**_

"So her mother prepares a bubble bath for Penelope, which doesn't remove the white stripe because of the curse, but helps her to relax enough to fall asleep."

* * *

 _I was relaxed in the tub, I hadn't been so clean in ages! Looking at my tail, I could see that under the water the stripe was gone. But removing it out of the water put the stripe back on. I sighed as I couldn't seem to keep that stupid stripe off of my tail._

 _Ah... A nice, warm bath. Boy, I sure missed out on these for quite a while. When was the last time I had one? Oh never mind about that... Just enjoy your mother's special bubble bath technique..._

 _I was in a dream. A dream where I was in Marisa's cabin again, with me laying peacefully in the bed, purring. But then all of a sudden, I felt two arms grab me. Turning around, it was Pepe._

 _"Cheire... You are OUT OF THIS WORLD!" All of a sudden, it felt like we were in space, with the room's oxygen level getting lower, and lower due to Pepe's stench, until I eventually passed out._

 _"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" I screamed, waking up from the brief nightmare, splashing water out of the tub._

* * *

Keldeo snorted, "Oh, come on! It wasn't _that_ scary. There's not even any way that you could make a dream like that scary!"

Suddenly, Keldeo's shoulders were suddenly grabbed by human hands. He was spun around and was face to face with Monika from _Doki Doki Literature Club,_ who then used her jumpscare face on him.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Keldeo screamed.

"Monika" then turned back in Zorua who snickered before running away.

Keldeo stood, wide eyed and frozen in terror as he breathed in and out deeply to calm himself. "I hate that game," Keldeo gasped out, "MatPat is gonna pay for exposing me to it."

"We then find out that a certain character has made the TV news."

* * *

 _"Bank robbery attempt at the bank near the antique shop! Young prodigy saved the day!" Was the report headline. Yawning, my mom was about to turn the channel, when it then showed a picture of Marisa._

 _"STOP! That is my friend!" I pointed to the screen as it showed a screenshot of Marisa holding a sword. My mom looked at me in amazement as the news report kept playing._

 _"At 12:00 last night, brother robbers Ethan and Cody Brace broke into the bank, forcing the bank to give up $1,000. But then a woman with purple-dyed hair came in and spotted them, and pulled out a sword that knocked them out, allowing them to get arrested by police._

* * *

 _ **Watch out! Samurai-**_

"No," Keldeo said grumpily.

* * *

 _According to records, her name is Marisa Date, and she is a known prodigy at her school, graduating earlier than her peers. Saving the day has gotten her the reward. Here is the interview." The reporter said on the TV screen. When it showed Marisa's speech, I was shocked._

 _"I would like to thank a young cat named Penelope for my inspiration... I regretted doing something bad to her, but now I decided to redeem myself by helping others as well!" She mentioned MY name! She still cared for me! She didn't mean to throw me out! I stood up straight from the couch, knowing what I must do._

 _"I have to see Marisa. She can break this curse once and for all!"_

* * *

"So Penelope's father gives her a bottle of Limburger perfume to use as a weapon. . ." Keldeo shrugged his shoulder and made a face that said that he didn't get it either, ". . . and he takes Penelope into the city in his car."

* * *

 _"Get on. This car will take us to that antique shop quickly. You know the way from there, yes?" I gave a nod, wanting to keep quiet about Marisa for now, and sat right beside him in the machine. My father hit a pedal, and it shook a bit, causing me to think for a second it was broken. But then it drove straight forward toward the direction of the city._

 _"Hang on tight! This is still new technology!" I didn't see how a old, beat up machine could be "new" by any means, but I held on to the chair tightly as the machine went through a lot of trees, eventually stopping quickly._

 _"We are here already?" I was in shock, but it really was the end of town. That machine, whatever it was, traveled so fast! It must really be helpful to my dad after all._

* * *

"Yeah, this story actually takes place in 1911. Probably to keep there from being too much technology to simplify or complicate anything. So, yeah, Penelope arrives back at Melisa's cabin and she tells her how to break the curse."

* * *

 _whatever the curse gave you, you must do what was caused because of it." Confused by her complex words, I quickly realized my fears._

 _"Wait, you mean I have to... Go back to Pepe?" Marisa gave a silent nod as I started to fear what would happen after that._

 _"Yes. The skunk that chased you that you don't really like that much... You have to fall in love with him, or at least have him know your true feelings, whether they are good or bad." I felt like I was going to cry. Right after I ran away from him, I have to go back to him! Turning my back to her and walking toward the door, Marisa noticed a bottle in my pocket._

 _"Wait a minute... Is this what I think it is? The new perfume?" She removed the limburger bottle from my pocket, looking at it carefully._

 _"It is! It is the new perfume! Penelope! You can end this once and for all with this bottle!" Turning back to her, I was overjoyed! That bottle was meant to be used as a defense, but if I put it on like perfume, I could be more like a skunk, which may make Pepe listen to me better!_

 _"Let's go!" Marisa ran out of the door with the bottle in hand, as I followed her, heading toward my dad's car..._

* * *

"So after getting the okay from her parents, Penelope goes back to Pepe's mansion to end this once and for all."

* * *

 _"Are you sure this is OK? I mean, for me to visit a skunk?" I can't believe I was asking that question, I knew that Pepe was a skunk, and he probably would do nothing with me if I revealed the truth to him, but if he did not care about what species I was, then that could be a problem._

 _"Yes. Even though you two are different in that aspect, you can still share a relationship."_

* * *

"Why do I get the feeling that her parents _want_ Penelope and Pepe to hook up? Do old habits just die hard?" Keldeo suggested.

* * *

 _As the stench got stronger, Pepe opened the door. Looking into his eyes, I could see he was happy that I was knocking on his door._

 _"Ah, it is you! But I am very sad to say that-" Knowing that he was going to mention my father, I quickly cut him off._

 _"Oh, that. I came home and I was VERY upset with his decision. He decided to let me spend as long as I want here!" Pepe's eyes lit up with my response, as he pulled me inside, hugging me tightly as his stench briefly got stronger._

 _"Yay! Now zee surprise can begin! We will make beautiful music together! To the pool, cherie!"_

* * *

" _Of course,_ he's got an indoor pool in that mansion of his! Why not?!" Keldeo remarked, "But it _does_ allow Pepe to finally see the truth."

* * *

 _"If you are a skunk, you can hold zee breath for a long time." He proceeded to kiss me, as I smelt the horrible water, which made me feel like I was in a garbage can. But at least I couldn't pass out from the smell, as it seemed to be weaker than it usually is. Swimming up to the top, I managed to hold on to the wall before Pepe was right beside me, noticing my black tail._

 _"Wait a minute... What is this? Why is zee white spot gone?" Holding my tail underwater, he saw that there was no white stripe on it._

 _"Are you zee kitty?" He looked at me, and I realized he seemed to be confused. Giving a nod, I was worried he would get enraged._

 _But luckily, he didn't. Instead, it became much worse._

 _"Ooh-la-la! You are zee prettiest kitty I have ever seen! And you look like as nice as a skunk, too! Is zee white stripe a birthmark?" He came up close to me, scratching my neck._

* * *

"Of course, he doesn't care. In fact, in the classic Looney Tunes cartoon _Past Perfumance,_ he _does_ find out that she's cat, but then paints over his white stripe with black paint and resumes chasing her." Keldeo blinked and said, "Huh. Wow. _Zootopia_ really _was_ behind the times!"

 _ **Nick Wilde:**_ _"You know you love me."_

 _ **Judy Hopps:**_ _"Do I know that? Yes. Yes I do."_

* * *

 _He stood up and pulled himself out of the pool, quickly grabbing a towel to dry off, which returned his odor. Quickly getting out myself, I grabbed the bottle of limburger perfume and put it in my fur pocket, making sure it didn't get lost._

* * *

"As it turns out, all of the anthropomorphic Looney Tunes animals, _not Lucarios *coughtAuraWieldercough*_ , _do_ have pockets in their fur," Keldeo remarked, "Anyways, we get more evidence of Penelope slowly falling for Pepe."

* * *

 _Hehe... He can be charming whenever he speaks french! I have a good feeling we will get along just fine._

 _As we each picked up handfuls to stuff in our mouths, I kept staring at Pepe, thinking of thoughts about him as I watched him eat._

 _I wonder if he likes to watch the sunset?_

 _Pulling out the limburger perfume, I wondered why Marisa said they got rid of the perfume in the stores. Opening the bottle and taking a sniff of the perfume, I realized why they pulled it. It stinks!_

 _No wonder they didn't want to sell this anymore... It stinks just as bad as Pepe! So that is why my father gave this to me... With this on me, I will be irresistible to Pepe, and then this curse will be removed once and for all! Regardless, he is kinda charming._

* * *

"So, the next morning, Penelope puts the whole bottle of limburger perfume on herself and presents herself to Pepe."

* * *

 _"Ah, cherie! You are so sweet, and you are..." At the moment Pepe started to sniff around, with a rather surprised expression on his face._

 _"LE PEW!" He slipped out of my arms and ran back inside of the mansion, where I proceeded to chase him into the pool room._

* * *

Keldeo laughed so hard that he fell over, "WOO-HOO! I'm sorry, but the irony here is as strong as a Final Smash!"

* * *

 _After running up to him, I wrapped my tail around his legs, trapping him in front of me._

 _"Have I mentioned you are one handsome skunk?" I gave him a kiss as he held his nose tightly. The limburger perfume was working! Any moment now, this stripe will be off for good! But Pepe didn't seem to let that happen._

 _"Cherie! What is going on? Have you passed zee gas, or am I just dreaming?" Pepe seemed to look all sick and tired as I hugged him tightly._

 _"Don't worry, you are awake. This romance is no dream..." I kissed Pepe on the lips as my tail got tighter around him. Pepe started to flail his arms around, hitting my face and causing me to fall backwards into the pool._

 _No need to worry. That should have done the trick..._

 _Pulling myself out of the pool, I sniffed myself to find the perfume had washed off completely, and the white stripe was still there! But before I could complain, Pepe was holding the empty perfume bottle in my face, with an angry look on his face._

 _"Cherie, did you ignore zee directions? Use only once a day! Following zee directions helps when you go on a date... Why did you think you needed such a stinky perfume?" Carefully looking at the side of the bottle he was showing to me, I noticed the warning._

 _"WARNING: DO NOT PUT ON BODY MORE THAN ONCE PER 12 HOURS. ONLY USE THIS AS A PERFUME REMOVER."_

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAHHHHH!**_

Keldeo smiled and shrugged again. "Heh. That's three _wah-wah-wah_ moments so far!"

* * *

 _"Well, we all make mistakes sometimes... Often it comes with zee bad odor, no?" Pepe seemed to be joking around with me, now that he knew I was trying to love him, this would be as easy as possible! Only then was there at knocking at the main door._

 _"I'll get it!" We both shouted at the same time. We both seemed to like getting to the door first whenever there was a visitor. Running out of the pool room, we arrived at the front door. Pepe allowed me to open the door, and when I opened it, there was a strange man with a purple hat on._

* * *

"The mysterious man grabs the Penelope, and is somehow able to resist Pepe's stink and grabs him too."

* * *

 _He grabbed Pepe by his tail with his other hand, putting it on his other shoulder._

 _"Hey! Hands off me!" I exclaimed to the man as he tightly held my rear end as he was walking off of the steps of the building. Turning to Pepe, I gave him the "Do something!" Face_

* * *

 _ **President Skroob:**_ _"Do something!"_

 _ **Dark Helmet:**_ _[to Sandurz] "Do something!"_

 _ **Colonel Sandurz:**_ _[Over Intercom] "Do something!"(6)_

* * *

 _Pepe quickly thought of an idea and grunted, eventually letting out a "BZZZZT!" Noise from his rear end. He had just sprayed at the man's face, except I couldn't smell the stench that he usually makes. Instead, I smelt something that smelt like the chlorine in the pool I just fell in. Instantly, the man dropped us as he covered his eyes, groaning._

* * *

"The pair try to run, but the man recovers from the skunk spray attack and shoots them both with a tranquilizer gun. When they wake up, they discover that they're trapped in a cage. We then get an explanation on who this guy is and what he wants."

* * *

 _"Pepe, did you see anything before you got hit with the tranquilizer?" Pepe then quickly held me tightly, getting a little nervous._

 _"Yes... After zee criminal knocked you out, I picked you up, but your gained weight slowed me down a bit. I managed to get a glimpse of the man before the woman came." I instantly began to get nervous as he mentioned "the woman". He proceeded to continue._

 _"The man looked like zee Cody guy I saw on the TV a few days ago, and the woman was someone named Marisa. She had purple dye on her hair, but I don't know why she had zhat fashion. If my guess is correct, the guy is Cody! Marisa tried to protect moi, but the guy knocked the two of us out..." Pepe began to frown._

 _So Marisa did help us! But why did she know this guy? And why was the guy after her? I needed an answer to those questions, but before I could look for clues, the side door opened, with the man pulling our cage out of the car. Pepe proceeded to hug me tightly as he stared at us in the tight cage._

 _"You seem to be romantic... How stupid! A skunk and some cat can't mate! That is breaking the rules of the wild. Luckily I don't have that stupid animal protection woman around to stop me... You will obey my commands." He seemed firm, and both me and Pepe was scared. Peeking toward the window, I could see Marisa passed out in the locked car, but before I could make sure, he moved the cage toward the direction he was going._

 _"Is zhat... Hollywood?" Pepe whispered to me, not wanting to anger the man. Looking at the mountains, I could see the word: "HOLLYWOOD" On the mountain. We were in the famous city that made movies and television shows! But in a bad situation._

 _"Why are you mad about Ethan, Cody?" I managed to bravely say to the man, as he was shocked at my question._

 _"So you remember me, eh? I must be famous. For one thing, I never wanted to be in my partner's stupid mess, but he forced me into it. He deserved to go to jail. But Marisa... She is the reason I am mad. A woman should never be able to beat a man, and now I am getting my revenge at her, after all of these years!" Cody confirmed our worries as he picked up speed toward the big city, until he finally entered the border._

* * *

" _All of these years_? I thought the bank robbery was last night!" Keldeo exclaimed, looking confused, "But, I do follow the rest of this explanation. Cody must have avoided going to jail when he explained how Ethan forced him into helping him rob the bank, but he still wants to get back at Marisa and the cat that inspired her. Although I kinda wish it was Rocky and Mugsy instead of these two random OCs. This is a _Looney Tunes_ fanfic, so why not have actual Looney Tunes characters as the villains?"

"So Cody- you know what, biscuits, I'm calling him Mugsy. So _Mugsy_ takes the cat and skunk towards Warner Bros. Inc. . . meaning this must take place in the continuity that the movie _Looney Tunes: Back in Action_ takes place in order to be possible. . . and uses Pepe as a weapon to force his way in."

* * *

 _Cody thrust open the door as he held our cage in his left hand, while holding his gun in the other. As he walked up toward the info desk, I began to get nervous about what he could do. The woman at the counter stared at him, knowing something was wrong._

 _It was at that moment that the cage door opened, and Pepe was removed from the cage._

 _"Hey! Let me go, big bully!" Pepe was trying to escape from Cody's grip, but he was unable to. The woman looked in amazement as she heard Pepe speak._

 _"Did that skunk just speak with a french accent?" The woman was in shock as she slowly moved back in order to run out of the building, but before she could make a run for it, Cody pointed Pepe's rear end like a gun toward her, and pulled hard on his tail._

 _"OUCH!" Pepe exclaimed. His powerful odor was blasted at the woman, causing her to collapse on the floor. Cody placed Pepe back in the cage as he continued toward the stairs._

 _"Cherie... I believe I felt the worst pain in my life. It was as if I was being sucked into a vacuum!" Pepe was upset at Cody's sudden action, I could easily see the expression on his face telling me about it! But before I could complain about Cody's cruel move, I heard a banging noise behind me. Turning around, I could see three men in black clothing, shooting at Cody._

 _Cody then slowly pulled Pepe's tail, forcing him to spray the men. As soon as Pepe's stench came in contact with the men, They both were knocked out._

* * *

"Mugsy heads into the building, leaving Pepe and Penelope behind. This allows them to bond a little bit more."

* * *

 _I walked down the stairs, trying to get Pepe to follow me, but he kept moaning as he attempted to go downstairs. Eventually he spoke._

 _"Penelope... I am out of energy, and I can't go on any longer, not without help..." Pepe called me by name for the first time since we met! I just couldn't leave him to die on the stairs, I just couldn't! Picking him up and carrying him over my shoulder, I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, until I finally reached the first floor area._

 _As I was getting ready to exit the building, Cody's voice boomed throughout the whole building_

 _"Welcome, dear friends, as I present to you a new Warner Bros production, exclusively from none other than me, Cody! In this episode, we are going to play a little game, and if you lose, I will destroy this building, but if you win, then I will admit defeat." The numerous tourists walking around the first floor screamed in terror as they ran toward the door in a hurry._

 _That kid is going to scare people into leaving the building so he can have it to himself! That is why he kidnapped us!_

* * *

"Now, this is a stupid plan," Keldeo said flatly, "I mean. . . he wants to control the building so he can. . . do. . .what? Huh? This sounds like something Dr. Doofensmirtz would do!"

Keldeo then smiled and said, "Good thing this _Looney Tunes!_ "

"So, the pair comes across a replica of the Eiffel Tower, because _French skunk,_ so they decide to climb it in order to see how to get home."

* * *

 _"That is zee replica of zee eiffel tower in Paris, my home. Chances are we could see the rest of the city from here. I saw this on my first trip here!" Pepe had a good idea. After all, it may even allow us to see Pepe's cabin from here, if it wasn't that far away at least. Running toward the replica, no one seemed to mind Pepe and I as we approached the left leg of the tower._

 _"So I climb up this? I will have to carry you to do so, OK?" Pepe gave a nod as I inquired him about the tower. Pepe got back up on my shoulder, and I proceeded to climb up the tower using my claws to mark holes in the tower._

 _But before I could get high enough, I heard a laugh from behind us. Turning my head, I saw Cody right at the bottom of the tower, with the gun in his hand._

 _"Think I wasn't serious when I warned you? There is no escape from me, not after what that stupid woman did to my friend! Prepare for your nine lives to end!" Cody fired the gun, and a bullet barely hit my back, hitting the area above us instead._

 _That gun is a bullet gun? I got to hurry, and quick!_

* * *

"Hey, it's that trope where the villain climbs up high during the climax! Only this time it's subverted, and it's the _heroes_ who are climbing up high! Very clever subversion of the trope," Keldeo said, sounding pleased.

* * *

 _Climbing up the tower, I managed to get halfway up, where a beam connected the two sides together. Pepe tapped on my shoulder as he was holding on tighter._

 _"Cherie, see if zee people can stop the criminal!" I quickly stood up on the beam carefully, and screamed loudly. That was as loud as I could do. At that moment, tons of people turned around toward the replica, but they just stood there, even the police were standing still._

 _"Must be a cool action movie!_

 _"The best stunt they have filmed yet! And look at those costumes!"_

* * *

 _ **Sweetie Belle:**_ _"OH, COME ON!"_

"WHAT!? You didn't hear that terroristic threat he made earlier?" Keldeo exclaimed, but then he thought for a moment and said, "Although, this is 1911, and terrorism wasn't as prevalent back then. . ."

"So, our heroes finally manage to get to the top, but then Mugsy fires one final shot at them."

* * *

 _"Then goodbye, little pussycat!" He fired the gun, directly at my heart. This was it, I was going to die, and I couldn't do anything to avoid the bullet. If I ducked, it would damage my head, If I jumped, it would damage the center beam of the replica, causing all of us to fall to the ground. If I moved, I would still get hit._

* * *

 _ **Penelope:**_ _"And somehow I am able to process allllllllllllllllll of this in split second it would take for a bullet to travel from the gun to me!"_

* * *

 _That was the moment I heard a agonizing scream coming from Pepe. He had jumped right in front of me, and took the hit directly in his heart area. Falling toward the ground, I turned around as he fell toward the ground, not wanting to see him die like that. When I heard a thump, I looked down at the ground._

 _Pepe Le Pew, while strangely not bleeding after all of the damage he took, was dead._

 _Pepe had just saved my life. Only because he actually loved me._

 _And I began to honestly love him back_

* * *

Victini flew in and gasped. "OH SNAP!" he shouted, "He just killed Pepe Le Pew!"

Keldeo stared at Victini as he flew away, and he said, "I sure hope that doesn't becoming a running gag with him."

Keldeo then held his left forehoof up and said, "But wait a minute. So, when Daffy Duck gets shot, his bill just spins around or falls off and he fixes it. But when Pepe Le Pew gets shot, he dies? How does- oh, wait, wait. I remember now," Keldeo put his hoof back down and continued, "I figured this out in my review of _Skippy's Story._ If the violence has a funny context and a slapstick tone, it's harmless. But if it's serious and isn't funny, then it can kill a Toon."

"So, yeah, no joke. _Pepe Le Pew_ actually _gets shot_ and _falls to his death_ like a dime-a-dozen Disney villain, much to Penelope's dismay."

* * *

 _At that moment I felt a pain in my heart, but it wasn't another bullet. As I tried to figure out what was causing the pain, I realized what I was feeling._

 _I am feeling heartbreak? Do I really love him?_

 _Yes Penelope, you did love him, even though he smelt like garbage, kept making me fat and constantly called me his cherie, I loved him more than my parents._

 _I was enraged. The man who killed him wasn't even slightly upset at the fact that he had killed a living being! My anger took over my sadness, as I proceeded to jump off of the tower, aiming myself to fall directly toward him._

 _I don't care if I die from this, if I do, we die together, if I don't, I will get my revenge!_

* * *

 _ **Penelope:**_ _"ZUUL, FILS DE PUTE! ZUUL!_

"So, Penelope lands on Mugsy and scratches him up, just in time for Marisa to show _one minute too late_ to take him down."

* * *

 _"HUZZAH!" Marisa ran up behind Cody and grabbed him tightly._

 _"So, you have been hurting my friends, have you? Well, I will have you know, I am trained enough so I can survive those tranquilizer darts quicker than anybody." Marisa pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed his hands together, prohibiting him from escaping._

* * *

"How did she get out of that locked car? Where did she get those handcuffs from? Who knows?! Maybe she's an Arch-Toon as well."

* * *

 _Marisa gasped as she saw Pepe's dead body, only to stop and continue speaking._

 _"Anything I can do to help you with your loss?"_

* * *

Keldeo looked up in thought and said, "Weeeellllll. . . I suppose you _could_ have arrived _ONE MINUTE EARLIER_ before Pepe got shot, but I suppose that was too much to ask for."

* * *

 _I shook my head as I continued crying over Pepe's body. At that moment, I heard sirens coming from the front of the studio._

 _"That's them, I gotta go! I will let your parents know where you are!" Marisa ran toward the studio, pulling Cody with her and vanishing from my view._

* * *

"So Penelope is left alone with Pepe's dead body as she finally comes to the conclusion we were all waiting for."

* * *

 _If you can hear me Pepe, then listen to this... As soon as you held me with the parachute over the waterfall, I slowly fell in love with you. You had saved me the trouble of worrying about what I could do to save myself, because you saved both of us._

 _That was when I broke out in tears, completely sad at myself for my lack of being more nice to him. Crying all over his fur, I managed to say three words as I was crying._

 _"I love you."_

* * *

"And I have to give the author credit for not making this feel arbitrary or like it came out of nowhere," Keldeo said, "The author made sure to put in subtle, _or maybe not-so-subtle_ , hints that Penelope really was falling for him without even realizing it herself."

* * *

 _Do I really like him? Is it really possible?_

 _His smile... It looks so handsome.._

 _Hehe... He can be charming whenever he speaks french! I have a good feeling we will get along just fine._

 _I wonder if he likes to watch the sunset?_

* * *

"And I'm sure there were more hints that I've forgotten about," Keldeo said, "Plus, Pepe really _did_ develop as a character in this story. He started out as he was in the cartoons, running after her and putting his arms around her, but he did eventually calm down and started acting like a decent gentleman. Hay, he let her leave his house without chasing her, and he was totally going to respect her father's wishes! This makes it all the more tragic that he's dead now!"

* * *

 _Just give up already, Penelope. You know he is dead, and that he saved your life once again. Just sleep with him on this cement one last time..._

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _"*Mwah* Goodnight everybody!"_

* * *

 _Agreeing with my thoughts, I carefully grabbed Pepe's tail, and used it as a pillow as I fell asleep with tears in my eyes..._

* * *

 _ **Porky Pig:**_ _"Ebbe-ebbe-ebbe-that's all folks!"_

"No, no, no, this isn't the end either," Keldeo said quickly, "Instead, Penelope gets a vision because of the curse, I guess, and the ghost of Pepe Le Pew speaks to her."

* * *

 _After falling asleep, I had a dream. But this time, it wasn't a nightmare, in fact, it was more like a message._

 _I was staring at myself, as if I was looking into a mirror. I could see me standing up tall and proud, like I normally do. But there was one thing about this version of me that was different. No white stripe. Suddenly, it came closer to me, and closer, until it just vanished entirely._

 _I quickly turned around and saw that my white stripe was finally gone. Whatever was causing it to stay was now removed. The curse was broken, if there ever was one. That was when I heard a voice coming from behind me._

 _"Cherie... You are now your real self. I can no longer be with you, so go! Go back, and continue your life in the fountain where we met." It was Pepe! But I couldn't see him, I could just only hear his voice. Maybe I was able to speak to him in this strange place in my mind._

 _"Pepe! Where are you? Please, just please, come back with me!" I waited for a response, and I got one._

 _"Ah, but cherie, I can't come back. You haven't shown enough love for me... While I know you love moi very much... You must overcome one challenge if you wish for me to return."_

* * *

"Penelope is then surrounded by a stench even more powerful than Pepe's, and must resist it for a set amount of time," Keldeo explained, then he said, "So. . .is this like a Mastery Rank Test from _Warframe_?"

* * *

 _Standing up straight, I tried my hardest to move through the stink. Did he want me to escape without passing out? What exactly was the challenge? I pondered the question for what seemed like ages, until I thought of a solution._

 _I stood up straight, filled my mind with thoughts about Pepe and I being together, and then thought about the stench being fresh air. After taking deep breaths in the stench, I heard a alarm clock go off. The stench was gone._

 _"Congratulations cherie, according to what I can hear, you passed. Now, wake up, and try your hardest to save me..." At that moment, I was awake, and it was the dawn of the next day. Right next to me, I saw Pepe, still dead._

* * *

"And so, as a last-ditch effort, Penelope uses True Love's Kiss to bring Pepe back to life- _don't you dare groan!_ " Keldeo said sharply, "Yes, it's an old cliché, but if a Trope fits, then it fits. Tropes are neither good nor bad. It's all about how you use them, and I think True Love's Kiss works fine in a story like this."

* * *

 _The previous times I had kissed him, it was either on accident, or just to get rid of the curse. This time, I actually loved him. Not as a friend, not for pretending purposes, but love. I honestly loved him, as much as my heart could allow. I approached him, got my lips ready, and gave him a huge kiss._

 _And immediately right after my lips touched his, I felt a vibration. But this time, he began to breathe, and move. He was alive! I was jumping for joy, he wasn't dead! He lived! But I had to make sure he was all right. So I gave him one more kiss as he was trying to stand up, and then he started to blush._

 _"Ah, cherie! Zee l'amour!" Pepe stood up, completely healed from his injuries, as if nothing had happened!_

* * *

Keldeo smiled warmly and said, "I had a feeling that the author wasn't _really_ going to kill off Pepe Le Pew, but I have to admit, this story did catch me off guard and get my heart pumping."

* * *

 _I could smell his odor, which was irritating, but I could at least stand it now. I hugged him tightly as the sun started to rise in the middle of hollywood. For the first time, we both loved each other equally. It was at that moment Pepe kneeled down in front of me, as if I was a princess._

 _"Cherie... Now that we are alone in zee field and safe, as we were the first time I saw your gorgeous eyes, I have one thing to propose to you." He pulled out a box from his pocket. Opening it, was a gorgeous blue diamond ring, that was the brightest ring I had seen!_

 _"Will you come with me back to france, and explore the city with me?" I instantly fell in love with the idea. I would leave america, for the first time ever! And this time, I could spend every moment of it with him. There was only one word I could say._

 _"YES!" I gave another kiss to Pepe as he smiled to me._

 _"Love finally won, no?" He was right. I had accepted him for the first time, thanks to Marisa. If I had never met her, I would have always been scared of Pepe. Now I could have the happiest time of my life, a new experience! One thing was for sure, I could always trust him._

 _Thank you Pepe..._

* * *

"And so Mugsy is thrown in jail, the curse of the Mirror of Evol is broken, Pepe and Penelope are together, Penelope's parents are happy that their daughter finally has a girlfriend, and our heroes are off to France!" Keldeo then smiled gleefully and said, "However, there's just one more thing that needs to be done."

* * *

 _We both quickly ran toward the first dock we saw, which had a sign covered in white paint that read: "Departure to Paris is currently ongoing. Please board the ship." Pepe walked toward the stairs leading to the ship, but I had one thing to do._

 _Sticking my rear end toward the sign, I wiped the wet white paint from the sign all over my tail and body, making me look just like I did earlier. I quickly boarded the ship along with Pepe._

* * *

"Right there. That's what it's all about," Keldeo said with a smile, "You know it. I know it. Even AT&T knows it. Just watch the special Looney Tunes Valentine's Day commercial they aired back in 2009, and you'll see what I mean." (TinyURL: y8ekne62)

* * *

 _As soon as we got on deck, we heard the ship move. We had boarded just in time, as the ship started to move away from the harbor, onto the deep blue sea. But before I could sightsee, Pepe pulled me away._

 _"Wait, cherie! On my last trip here, zee people tried to throw me off for some reason, let's rest in the same place I rested in last time." I was confused on what he meant, but then I noticed a small door underneath my foot, that I opened, revealing a trash compartment._

 _This is where we will sleep? Well... OK then!_

 _I eagerly jumped down into the trash compartment, with Pepe joining me. The door fell back on the deck, leaving us in the compartment. Before the incident with Cody, I would try to run away, but now, I could sleep in piles of trash with no problem. As long as I was with Pepe._

* * *

"That's the Power of Love," Keldeo said with a grin, "And _that_ was _The Bad Luck of Penelope Pussycat,_ and wasn't it wonderful!"

"Both of our main characters, who started out kinda flat and one note when you think about, were fully developed and fleshed out throughout this story. Pepe goes from an unstoppable threat to a unique character that has actual regrets and some degree of respect. Penelope goes from being shy and meek to someone who is intelligent, self-confident, and open minded."

"And while some might think the extra characters and the whole plot point about the Mirror of Evol are excessive and unnecessary, I strong disagree. Those elements give a reason for this story to exist beyond 'let's get Pepe Le Pew and Penelope together.' It serves as a framework for the story's heart, and while those elements aren't perfect, they serve their purpose, and I'd say they served it well."

"Penelope is a strong female, Pepe Le Pew is likeable, and I'd definitely say that this is a far better love story than _Twilight._ I'll be sure to read through this story again and again _and again_."

Keldeo gave a nod and said, "You know, I'm really glad I stumbled across this story. It actually made me excited to see that Pepe Le Pew movie that's coming out!"

Victini and Munna both flew in and shouted, "WHAT!"

Keldeo smiled and nodded again, "That's right, there's gonna be a _Pepe Le Pew movie_!"

"Seriously!?" Victini asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, seriously!" Keldeo said excitedly, "It's being written by Max Landis, and Mike Myers is going to voice Pepe. _ElectricDragon505_ mentioned it in _The Animation Podcast_ (TinyURL: yd4pn9fu) _._ There's a page for it on the Looney Tunes Wiki- OOH! The Wiki! They actually put up a screen-shot of a page of Max Landis' script on the Wiki!"

Keldeo grabbed his laptop, opened up the page on the Looney Tunes Wiki, and clicked on the image to make it bigger. "See! Check out this scene!" (TinyURL: ybhws9f7)

 _ ***(I SOLEMNLY SWEAR THAT I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. THIS REALLY IS FROM THE PEPE LE PEW MOVIE SCRIPT)***_

* * *

 **PEPE (CONT'D):** Oh, you are a muffin and I the wrapper that envelopes the muffin completely! Except that most precious part of the muffin, the muffin-top; in this case: your face! Shining boldly to the world, unwrapped and glorious, oh, let me kiss your muffin top!

 **PENELOPE:** Yeah- uh- oui oui _whatever_ but don't you think we should get out of here before these mooks-

 **PEPE:** The muffin disgusts you? Yes it is a weak man's biscuit, and you are bold, robust- oui yes a different analogy: the cupcake! Let me cover you with the creamy frosting of my affection!

 **PENELOPE:** Okay that's just-

The window behind them _**SHATTERS**_ as one of the raccoon motorcyclists _hurls a brick!_

* * *

Victini and Munna simply floated in silence.

"So. . ." Munna said slowly, finally breaking the silence, "The Pepe Le Pew movie's going to be about Pepe and Penelope fighting a gang of _evil motorcycle riding raccoons_?"

Keldeo smiled sheepishly, "Well, the movie is supposed to be a French romantic comedy film combined with a heist move from the 1960s-."

Victini suddenly exclaimed, "HOW IS THIS A THING?! What's next?! A Marvin the Martian movie? Or maybe a Speedy Gonzales movie- _why are you smiling at me like that Keldeo?!_ "

Keldeo just chuckled and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!"

Keldeo walked off as Munna and Victini followed behind.

"Why'd you smile at me like that, Keldeo?! Tell me!" Victini pleaded.

Keldeo ignored Victini and said, "Hey, Munna, did you two settle that argument on who was the worst Looney Tunes character."

Munna shook her head, or body technically, and said, "Oh no, we quit that argument. We actually ended up talking about Looney Tunes character wannabes."

Victini became rather calm and nodded, "Yeah. It wasn't long before we decided on who the worst wannabe of all time was."

"Oh, really?" Keldeo asked, starting to get interested.

"Yep!" Munna said cheerfully, "In fact, this character is actually going to be in the next fanfic you're gonna review."

Keldeo nodded, looking excited about this, "Okay then. Who is he?"

Victini zoomed off and came back holding a large picture of Scratt the Saber-toothed Squirrel.

Keldeo slowly turned to the camera, a look of pure anguish on his face. He then slowly held up a sign that said "HELP" right before a cartoon iris closed in on his face.

Out of the blackness, a drum appeared as the Looney Tunes Ending Theme Music played. Zorua burst out of the drum, turned in a Tepig and said, "Ebbe-ebbe-ebbe-that's all folks!"

* * *

 **THE END**

 **CREDITS**

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 _(1) Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)_

 _(2) Scream (1996)_

 _(3) The Legend of Luke by Brain Jacques_

 _(4) Monsters Inc. (2001)_

 _(5) The Emperor's New Groove (2000)_

 _(6) Spaceballs (1987)_

 _ **Miscellaneous References**_

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Odd Life of Timothy Green_

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Gates to Infinity (2012)_

 _Tiny Toon Adventures (1990-1995)_

 _The Animaniacs (1993-1998)_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic- Hasbro_

 _Littlest Pet Shop- Hasbro_

 _Jackie Chan Adventures (2000-2005)_

 _Febreeze_

 _Gravity Falls [seviLrehpiClliB]_

 _Zootopia (2016)_

 _Cloverfield (2008)_

 _Doki Doki Literature Club (2017) by Team Salvato_

 _Samurai Jack (2001-2017)_

 _Game Theory by MatPat_

 _Warframe by Digital Extremes_

 _AT &T Pepe Le Pew Propel Valentine's Day Commercial_

 _Ice Age by Blue Sky Studios_

 _ElectricDragon505 (a.k.a. AniMat Reviews)_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _TinyURL_

 _TVTropes_

 _Wikipedia_

 _Looney Tunes Wiki_

 _Freddie Mercury and the band Queen for the intro song: "Show Must Go On" (1991)_

 _Skippy's Story by Commander_

 _Fate by Skiptastic for introducing the term "Arch-Toon" to me_

 _Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition (Oney Plays) Creepypasta Song- The Living Tombstone._

 _And to ALL of the fanfic critics and authors out there that I've inspired, and who've inspired me in return_


	4. E1: Why Did The Looney Tunes Show Fail?

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editoria1 1- Why Did The Looney Tunes Show Fail?**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL** **ybhskhfb**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!"

Keldeo flashed a smile and said, "Seeing as I just finished reviewing a Looney Tunes fanfic, it makes sense that I'd follow it up with an editorial that is also Looney Tunes related before I delve into the world of. . ."

An image of Scratt appeared briefly, causing Keldeo to shut his eyes tightly and whimper a bit.

He quickly recovered and resumed, "Yeeaaah. . . So, let's talk about _The Looney Tunes Show._ "

There was the sound of a crowd booing, and Keldeo over shouted them saying, "ALRIGHT! I get it!"

The booing stopped, and Keldeo continued, " _The Looney Tunes Show_ was a cartoon that ran from May 3, 2011 through August 31, 2014 on Cartoon Network. It was a reboot of the classic Looney Tunes, where all of the characters lived in a suburban neighborhood. Instead of 3 or 4 minutes shorts, each episode lasted about 20 minutes and featured a slice of life style story that focused on one or two of the Looney Tunes characters as they tried to live a somewhat normal life. The show ended up only getting 2 seasons, for a total of only 52 episodes, and was canceled in order to make way for a new show based on the Looney Tunes called _Wabbit,_ which returned to the classic formula of short cartoons loaded with slapstick as Bugs Bunny would outwit whatever foe he came across, just like old times."

"Now, a lot of people didn't like _The Looney Tunes Show_ for a number of reasons. _'The show isn't Looney enough!' 'The characters are too domesticated!' 'There's not enough slapstick!' 'The characters don't act like they used to!' 'The Looney Tunes shouldn't be a suburban sitcom!'_ Stuff like that."

"Now, personally, I think that the Looney Tunes _can_ work in a suburban environment with sitcom-style situations. Lots of Looney Tunes cartoons took place in houses, towns, and small cities. But I'm not saying that all of those criticisms I mentioned are invalid. But I think it would help if we broke those criticisms down and turned them into a list of major specific flaws that we can better put into words."

Keldeo then smiled proudly and said, "So, that's exactly what I did! Here are the three reasons why _I_ believe _The Looney Tunes Show_ failed."

" **One** : The show didn't have the right balance of Looney slapstick moments and slice of life sitcom moments. Sure, the show did have plenty of slapstick moments in it, but those moments weren't delivered in a way to leave an impression, and ended being overpowered by the slice of life plots that tried too hard to be funny on their own."

" **Two** : The show didn't modernize the world of the Looney Tunes in a way that didn't seem pretentious or weird. I don't wanna see the Looney Tunes characters on dating websites, or Bugs fighting Cecil Turtle over getting his cable TV back, or Bugs selling himself on a blind date auction to Lola for $100,000, or other stupid stuff like that!"

"And **three** : The show's dialogue and visual gags were not true to the spirit, _and intelligence,_ of the classic Looney Tunes. Everyone knows those classic Looney Tunes quotes!"

* * *

' _This time we didn't forget the gravy.'_

' _Pronoun trouble.'_

' _I knew I should've made that left turn at Albuquerque.'_

' _This planet ain't big enough for the two of us, so off ya go!'_

* * *

Keldeo huffed and said, "And if those quotes aren't doing anything for you, it's probably because the visual gags are the other half of the comedy. The signs or posters that you'd see in the background. The overall context and situation of what's going on and how it all meshes perfectly with what's being said."

"The cat has a funnel that he's going to use to force the gravy down the cruel, abusive bully dog's throat as he lays on a hospital bed from overeating."

"Daffy switches the pronouns on himself even after he figures out the trick Bugs used on him and gets himself blasted again."

"Bugs apparently wound up in the Sahara Desert or the South Pole just because he didn't turn left at Albuquerque!"

"Daffy and Marvin blow up Planet X so it's only the size of basketball, and then Daffy just pushes Marvin off of it!"

Keldeo had a manic grin on his face as he exclaimed, "Do you understand what I'm saying here!? The classic Looney Tunes were masterpieces!"

Keldeo then realized he was getting a little too passionate about it, so he cleared his throat and calmed down a little.

"Whew! Okay. So, obviously, _The Looney Tunes Show_ as a whole got these three things wrong, and so it wasn't popular enough to keep going, and got replaced by _Wabbit._ "

Keldeo frowned sorrowfully and said, "But that's actually kinda sad, because not only are the character designs in _Wabbit_ the ugliest things I've ever seen, but it also focuses primarily on Bugs Bunny. At least in _The Looney Tunes Show,_ ALL the characters got a chance to shine, and the longer running time allowed better interactions between different characters that we'd have never seen otherwise. Think of one other cartoon where Bugs Bunny and Speedy Gonzales interacted. You can't do it, can you?"

Keldeo despair seemed to deepen even more, and he continued, "But you know what's even _more_ tragic? The fact that the writers were perfectly capable of fixing the three problems I listed. In fact, I might even say that they _created_ those problems on _purpose!_ Why do I say that? Well, let's take a look of one of the three episodes of _The Looney Tunes Show_ that Matthais and I like. That's right, we only like 3 out of 52 episodes of this show. That's like, 5.77%. That's an F."

Keldeo then stopped and thought for a moment, and he said, "You know, technically, we only like half of that episode! You see, the episode is _Season 1 Episode 26: Point, Laser Point_ , and it's broken up into two plots. One plot focuses on Bugs, Daffy, and Granny. The other focuses on Sylvester and Tweety. And believe it or not, this episode seems to have what makes this show bad and what could have made this show good _at the same time!_ Don't believe me? Well, let's take a look."

"The first plot involves Porky and Granny on dating website-," Keldeo shuddered, "Ugh. There's problem number **Two** already! Look, I'm not going to go over any details on the Granny plot. They try to make a pun with 'sailing' and 'yard-saleing,' but it isn't that funny. They try to pass off putting Daffy in the hospital as 'slapstick', but it just isn't executed right. Problem **One** right there. Trust me, the Granny plot just isn't worth watching."

Keldeo then gave a gleeful smile, "But the Sylvester and Tweety plot. . . oh my gosh. . ."

Keldeo did a backflip and shouted, "WOO-HOO!"

Keldeo landed and bounced up and down excitedly, "Okay, so the plot begins with Sylvester chasing Tweety around Granny's house, _so far so good._ Granny tells Sylvester to stop it and suggests that he plays with one of the cat toys she bought him."

* * *

 _ **Granny:**_ _(Laughs and holds up a toy mouse on a string) "Oh, look Sylvester! It's a mouse!"_

 _ **Sylvester:**_ _"You're kidding me, right? I can shee the shtring."_

* * *

"I just love how cynical Sylvester is right here," Keldeo commented, "It also highlights the humor of the situation going on here: Sylvester is an _adult_ cat, yet Granny is treating like a child, telling him to play with toys! Ha! That's issue number **Three** solved!"

"So, when none of the toys interest Sylvester, Granny takes out . . . are you ready?"

Keldeo snickered a bit, and he said, ". . . a laser pointer!"

Keldeo sat down on his haunches clapped his forehooves in applause. "And here we see issue number **Two** solved. Laser pointers weren't evented yet when the classic Looney Tunes shorts were made, _obviously._ But they exist now, and its common knowledge that cats can't help but chase them. So, incorporating a laser pointer into a Sylvester and Tweety story makes sense."

"Eh, it's not all that great,"said an Absol that had stealthily crept up next to Keldeo without alerting him.

"AHH!" Keldeo shouted in shock, "What the-? Where did-? Who are-? _Waaaiiit._ " Keldeo noticed the quartz crystal necklace hanging from the Absol's neck and said, "Krystal the Absol? From Matthais' _Jayron and Krystal_ stories?"

"I certainly am," Krystal said with a smile.

"Oh, well. . ." Keldeo smiled, "It's a great pleasure to meet you. I mean, I just love the bond you and Jayron share. . . but why exactly are you here?"

Krystal motioned to the camera with her right forepaw and said, "I heard you were doing this editorial, and were going to review a story that involved that 'chasing a spot of light' cliché that felines like us have to deal with, and since Jayron and I have actually lived through the cliché," Krystal held her head up high and proud as she added, " _and conquered and overcame it,_ I figured it would be appropriate for me to come in and give my two cents on it."

Krystal then turned to the camera and said, "Trust me, chasing a dot of light isn't all that great. I know this from experience. It gets old _really_ quickly."

Keldeo smiled knowingly and smugly and said, "Are you sure you aren't just here to make sure everyone knows that Matthais updated _Jayron and Krystal Oneshots_ recently and plans to add more oneshots to the collection in the near future?"

Krystal's cheeks immediately turned red, but she maintained her smile and retorted, "How's the _Keldeo the Critic Movie_ coming along?"

"Why are you still here?" Keldeo asked impatiently.

She smiled in adorable sheepishness and said, "Good question. . . Umm. . . Actually, I guess that's it. Got to go."

Krystal then quickly left, leaving Keldeo chuckling at the scene.

"You know, Krystal has actually made a valid point. If all Sylvester did was just chase the laser around while maybe knocking something over occasionally, that would be boring. Thankfully, we get some pretty good dialogue and facial expressions from him during this sequence."

* * *

 _ **Sylvester:**_ _"It'sh like a bird, a moushe, and a can of tuna all mixed up into a perfect red dot! Ah-ha! Gotcha! You're mine! All mine! I'm never gonna yet ya go!"_

* * *

"His pupils also turn completely red while he's chasing it, which is a good creative touch."

"So, then we get a kinda endearing sequence of Sylvester searching for the red dot. I can't really explain it. It just seems nice and playful and sort of Looney in a fresh, new way. In fact, you know what, _**stop the review!**_ Go and watch this episode on either YouTube (TinyURL: yb5oyub5) or Kisscartoon. Because-."

Zorua popped up and shouted, "SPOILERS!"

Zorua left and Keldeo nodded, "Yeah, spoilers. So, anyway, Sylvester notices that Tweety's out of his cage, and decides to try and eat him again. What is Tweety doing, you ask?"

Keldeo smirked and said, "Playing video games."

* * *

 _ **Tweety:**_ _(Hops around on the video game controller buttons) "Take that, you nasty old zombie! . . . Ohh. . . he got me. . ."_

* * *

"Again, issue number **Two** solved!" Keldeo said with pleasure, "It makes sense. What else exactly is there for Tweety to do all day? In the classic shorts, he'd just be swinging in his cage, singing a song, taking a bath, sitting around in a nest. . . huh, it exactly sounds kinda boring. Anyway, seeing as the show takes place in modern times, why not give Tweety something fun to do. Plus, it's more relatable and inoffensive than a dating website!"

"So, in classic Looney Tunes style, Tweety tricks Sylvester into handing him the laser pointer. See, Sylvester hasn't realized that the pointer is making the red dot, he thinks it's just a pen. Anyway, this time, Tweety uses the laser pointer to get Sylvester to hurt himself, in typical Tweety fashion."

* * *

 _(Tweety shines the laser on a portrait of himself, Selvester, and Granny. Sylvester pounces at it and ends up clawing himself out of the picture.)_

 _ **Tweety:**_ _"Much improved!"_

* * *

"Oh, you're despicable, Tweety!" Keldeo said with a smile. "So, then Tweety gets Sylvester to jump into a ceiling fan."

* * *

 _ **Sylvester:**_ _"*Gulp* Mother. . ." (Jumps into the fan)_

* * *

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna shouted as she flew by.

"This launches Sylvester through a window and out of the house, where he starts seeing red dots everywhere and begins to go insane," Keldeo with a laugh in his voice, "This kinda reminds me of that dream sequence in the classic short _The Hypo-Chondri-Cat._ Anyway, Sylvester runs right into a telephone pole with an ad offering psychological help."

* * *

 _ **Sylvester:**_ _"How fortuitoush! How serendipitoush! How propitioush!" (points to another ad above the "Need Help?" ad that reads "Improve your vocabulary!") "Besht classh I ever took."_

* * *

"Issue number **Three** solved again! The big words he uses are actually part of a joke. The ad for a vocabulary class he took _just happens_ to be above the psychological help he _just happens_ to need right now which is where those big words he used came from."

Keldeo frowned, "Yes, I know, I'm explaining the joke. And yes, I know explaining jokes ruin them. But that's why I told you to watch the episode on YouTube or Kisscartoon first! And sometimes comedy needs to be picked apart in order to be understood and reproduced."

"So, Sylvester goes to the Freleng Help Care center- AHA! Friz Freleng! An animator, cartoonist, director, producer, and composer known for his work on the Warner Bros. Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies series of cartoons! Clever reference!"

"Anyway, he goes to help center, and who does he find in the waiting room? _Wile E. Coyote_ reading a book with the title _What Are You REALLY Chasing_!"

Keldeo looked up at the sky and shouted, "Why couldn't the entire series be this good!?"

Keldeo hung his head down low, sighed, and lifted his head back up normally and said, "So, then we get an example of cringe comedy done right, unlike _certain other shows_!"

* * *

 _ **Spike the Dragon:**_ _"I just learned I can set things on fire. . . with my mind!"_

* * *

"Stop it," Keldeo said grumpily.

* * *

 _ **Spike the Dragon:**_ _(Put the photo on his head as he tries to set it on fire) "Grrr…nnng!"_

* * *

"Stop it," Keldeo said again.

* * *

 _ **Spike the Dragon:**_ _(Singing) "Oh, we're the Wonderbolts and we're super-fast!"_

* * *

" _NOOO!_ " Keldeo shouted quickly, then he calmed down and said, "So, yeah, this quiet, hilariously awkward moment between Sylvester and Wile E. is actually pretty good. Wile E. is grumpy, Sylvester tries to see what's in the book but keeps getting scared off by the coyote's glare. He even tries to wish Wile E. good luck with his problems before he goes in to see the therapist."

Keldeo sighed nostalgically and said, "You know, I think the only other time these two interacted was in the cartoon short _The Wild Chase_ in 1965, where the Roadrunner and Speedy Gonzales had a race against each other."

Keldeo shook off the thought and said, "Well, anyway, Sylvester goes in to see the therapist, who turns out to be Witch Hazel. And, yeah, I know they changed her name, but I don't care. Making her name backwards was stupid. I'm still calling her Hazel."

Keldeo got up from his sitting position and stood on all four hooves and said, "Okay, now, about issue number **One.** This show can still have sitcom-style slice of life storylines as long as it's balanced with Looney-ness. If the balance is right, this show can and will be enjoyable. So, now that we've had our fill of Looney-ness, we can move on to the more slice of life section of the story with more subtle comedy."

"So, Hazel hypnotizes Sylvester, and we get a flashback of him and his brother Alan as little kids, and wow. . . this version of baby Sylvester is a sight to behold! You need to see it for yourself. It's then revealed that the laser pointer actually reminds Sylvester of the ruby necklace that his mother wore, and that all he really wants is to see his mom again."

Keldeo blinked solemnly, "That's. . . actually pretty touching. . . wow. . .So then, Hazel uses her magic to teleport Sylvester to his mother's condo in Florida, and he runs in to see her."

Keldeo chuckled and said, "But, as it turns out, Sylvester's mother is actually kind of a jerk! Then his brother Alan shows up, and while he's not _really_ a jerk to Sylvester, he does seem to be the favorite child, not to mention the more successful and accomplished child. The mother then starts berating Sylvester for not being successful and having too many flaws and stuff, but it never gets to the point where it's uncomfortable, and actually ends up being funny!"

Keldeo was still smiling as he explained, "Here's why it's funny, rather than mean-spirited. First, the less-than-joyous reunion subverts your expectations, which is good for making humor. Humor _is_ a defense mechanism after all. You know the sayings, _'comedy equals tragedy plus time', 'comedy is based on misery', 'comedic suffering',_ all that stuff."

"Second, the mother is so stereotypically mean with a stereotypical scratchy voice that you can't take her seriously enough to feel bad for Sylvester. She practically a clown!"

"And third, Sylvester doesn't break down or cry or get depressed by the turn of events. He actually takes it rather well and humorously. He even ends up zoning out on his mother and lampshades how off the wall she is!"

* * *

 _ **Sylvester (Zoned out and in his mind as his mother runs her mouth):**_ _"Sheesh. . .and I thought Tweety's voice was annoying. . ._ _Wow! Lishten to her go! What I wouldn't give to be back home with Granny. . ."_

* * *

"But wait, there's more! We then cut back to Hazel, who's suddenly in a therapy session with _Tweety_ , where she helps him realize that he _wants_ Sylvester to chase him. Now, we don't see what caused Tweety to decide to go to Hazel for therapy, but that's actually clever on the writer's part. It's left up to us to figure it out based on the conclusion: Tweety wants Sylvester to chase him. We can figure out that Tweety got depressed after he sent Sylvester out the window, leaving him in the house all alone. He didn't know why getting rid of Sylvester made him sad, so he came to Hazel for therapy. Simple. Plus, it makes sense that Sylvester and Tweety would have a kinda _Tom and Jerry_ relationship where they're technically enemies, but they're friends at the same time and enjoy each other's company. . . eh, it's complicated."

Keldeo put his left forehoof to his snout in thought and said, "Heh. I wonder if Pikachu and Meowth have a similar relationship? Or maybe even Jessie and James with Ash?"

Keldeo put his forehoof back down and continued, "So, Hazel teleports Tweety to Florida as well. Sylvester sees him, and he realizes that he doesn't need the red dot _or_ his family's approval. He _was_ happy living with Granny and chasing Tweety, so he decides that he shouldn't let anyone else tear his contented life down. So, he bids his family goodbye, he and Tweety reunite with Granny, who's also happy to see them again, and I suppose they all live happily ever after, or at least as happily as a family of Looney Tunes characters can live!"

Keldeo laughed contentedly and said, "Aw man! That was so awesome! It had enough Looney-ness, but also incorporated a more dramatic sitcom plot in a way that still managed to be funny. There were also a couple of other jokes and one-liners that I didn't mention so even if you ignored the spoiler warning you could still get some enjoyment out of it. But it all begs the question: why was this episode so good while most of the other ones were so lame!?"

Keldeo's smile disappeared.

"I'll tell you why," Keldeo said, now dead serious, "Back in 2009, this show was originally going to go by the name _Looney Tunes: Laff Riot._ Unlike _The Looney Tunes Show, Laff Riot_ was going to be more like the original Looney Tunes, with slapstick and all that good stuff. Each episode was going to have three 6-7 minute shorts. _But,_ when the creators showed what they had to higher ups at Warner Bros., not only did they reject it, but they also _fired_ most of the people who worked on it."

Keldeo was silent for a moment, then he said, ". . . _Biscuits_. That is _harsh_. I mean, okay, you're the bosses, and if you didn't like what they made, fine. But did you really have to _fire_ them? You could've have just easily said, _'Oh, we don't want three shorts, we want 22-minute episodes. Go back and try again, we have faith in you guys.'_ I mean, how bad could _Laff Riot_ have possibly been?"

Keldeo frowned again, and he said, "Well, actually, it turns out _Laff Riot_ was actually _good._ Great even. How do I know? Well, as I was doing research for this review, I discovered that the Sylvester and Tweety segments of _Point, Laser Point,_ the episode I just reviewed, were actually _taken from a Laff Riot script._ "

Keldeo breathed in and out heavily through his nose. Then he said, "You. . . dirty. . .stuck up. . . sadistic. . . _thieving_. . . _disgusting_. . . _putrid!_ . . _**vile! . . dishonorable! . . GREEDY! . . FILTHY! . . UNCREATIVE! . . DECEITFUL LOOSERS!**_ "

"Those people you _fired_ : Bob Camp, Chris Reccardi, Doug Langdale, Eddie Fitzgerald, Jim Gomez, Jim Smith, Lynne Naylor, Mark Banker, Mauricio Pardo, Mike Fontanelli, Mike Smith, and Rich Pursell! They had just _giftwrapped_ the perfect Looney Tunes reboot for you! They gave it to you on a silver platter! And not only did you reject their ideas and _fire them_ , but then, after seeing how _lousy_ the show that _you_ wanted really was, you decided to take _their_ hard work and use it to save the sinking ship that was your precious _Looney Tunes Show_?!"

Keldeo turned into his Resolute Form and powered up his Secret Sword as he declared, "As a Sword of Justice, who always fights for what is right and true and just, I cannot just ignore such a horrible action that you _higher-ups_ at Warner Bros. did! You spat on their hard work, damaged their careers, and then took the work that _they_ put _their_ hearts and souls into, **_and used if for your own selfish gain!?_** "

Keldeo took a minute to catch his breath after his outburst, and then lowered his Secret Sword and turned back into his normal form.

"Audience," Keldeo finally said, "Whether you like _The Looney Tunes Show,_ or don't like it, or never really watched it at all; I'm pretty sure that we can all agree that this is an insult."

"But. . ." Keldeo paused for a moment, and then he continued, "There _are_ two other episodes that managed to be good without _stealing_ from _Laff Riot."_

" _Season 1 episode 14 Newspaper Thief_ has Daffy going crazy and going to extreme lengths trying to find out who stole his newspaper. There's also some really good dialogue between Bug and Daffy. Heck, the _'going there'_ speech Bugs gives would be right at home with the famous quotes from the classic Looney Tunes."

"There's also _Season 2 Episode 19: The Ridiculous Journey_ (TinyURL: y7547nx9) _,_ where Sylvester, Tweety, and Taz get accidentally mailed to Alaska and have to find their way home, all the while running into various classic Looney Tunes characters that haven't been seen in a while. It feels like a movie, and really _should_ have been an hour long special, or even an actual movie! It could've been like _Tweety's High Flying Adventure,_ only better! We've could've had even _more_ hijinks with even _more_ characters!"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "And hey, maybe there are even more hidden gems that Matthais and I didn't bother to look for in _The Looney Tunes Show_. If there are, let us now. But for now, I'm Keldeo the Critic and. . ."

Keldeo gave a sad sigh and said, "We will _all_ remember _Laff Riot_ and it's crew _."_

* * *

 _To_ _ **Bob Camp, Chris Reccardi, Doug Langdale (writer), Eddie Fitzgerald, Jim Gomez, Jim Smith (artist), Lynne Naylor, Mark Banker (writer), Mauricio Pardo (director), Mike Fontanelli, Mike Smith (voice for Speedy) and Rich Pursell.**_ _I hope you all got hired by better companies and moved on to bigger and better things._

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Kisscartoon_

 _Ice Age_

 _Jayron and Krystal Oneshots by Matthais Unidostres_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- Season 4 Episode 24: Equestria Games_

 _The Looney Tunes Show Wiki_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Looney Tunes Show: Good or Bad?_

 _Tweety's High Flying Adventure (2000)_

 _The Wild Chase (1965)_

 _The Hypo-Chondri-Cat (1950)_


	5. My Little Pony Ice Age- Part 1

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Two:** _ **My Little Pony Ice Age**_ **by The Spectacular Venom (AKA Nightmare Moons Dalek on FimFictionNet)**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL-** **ya3rj6rr**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!"

Keldeo frowned sourly and said, "Does this review even need an introduction? Do I even need any clever way of introducing this fanfic? I mean, all you gotta do is read the title!"

* * *

 **Story:** My Little Pony Ice Age  
 **Category:** My Little Pony + Ice Age Crossover  
 **Genre:** Humor/Adventure  
 **Author:** The Spectacular Venom  
 **Last updated:** 12/25/2012  
 **Words:** 9019  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Status:** In Progress  
 **Content:** Chapter 1 to 4 of 4 chapters  
 **Source:**

 **Summary:** Cold and separated, The Mane 6 find themselves in the past during the Ice Age. Slowly they meet our favorite sub-zero heroes in their adventure to get the baby to its "herd". Can the ponies work with the idiotic Sid, the questionable Diego, and the grumpy Manny on this quest? And will they learn more about their new "friends" along the way? CONTINUED!

* * *

"Now, if that sounds like the laziest title for a fanfic you ever heard, congratulations, because you are correct!" Keldeo in obviously fake excitement, "Seriously? _My Little Pony Ice Age_? That's the best thing you could come up with? Out of allllllll the possible titles you could have picked, you just decided to put the names of the franchises you were crossing over together without changing anything and call it a day?"

Keldeo huffed and said, "I mean, come on! You could've called it _My Little Ice Age,_ or _Ponies on Ice,_ or _The Mane Six Join the Herd,_ or _Ice, Ice Ponies,_ or _Twilight and Her Friends go to the Ice Age,_ anything would have been better than just going, 'oh, it's My Little Pony and Ice Age, so I'm just gonna call it _My Little Pony Ice Age._ ' Done!"

Keldeo sighed and said sadly, "You know, I kinda think the lack of effort present in the title is good representation of the lack of effort in the story as a whole. And I hear all of you telling me that I shouldn't judge a fanfic by its title, and that it probably isn't that bad."

Keldeo frowned angrily and said, "Well guess what! This fanfic _was_ so bad, that The Spectacular Venom actually _deleted it_ from FanFictionNet, but for some reason kept it up on FimFictionNet, where he goes by the name of Nightmare Moons Dalek."

Keldeo pretended to look thoughtful and said, "Huh! It's almost like he was _ashamed_ of it and tried to create as much distance between the story and his Dragon Ball Z focused FanFictionNet account as possible. . . but that just _couldn't be_!"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

Keldeo shook his head somberly and said, "Well then, I guess it falls to me to review this mess. Of course."

Victini and Munna floated in next to Keldeo, looking rather happy at the moment.

"Well, we wish you a lot of luck, Keldeo! Hang in there, buddy!" Victini said.

"Yeah, we have faith in you!" Munna added.

"Yep! Well, Munna and I are gonna go see _Peter Rabbit_. See ya later!" Vicitni said with a cheery wave.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going!" Keldeo said angrily.

Victini just smiled and pointed in the direction he and Munna were headed, "I just told you. Munna and I gonna go see _Peter Rabbit._ "

"First of all, that movie is _AWFUL!_ _Nobody_ should watch it!" Keldeo said vehemently, "And secondly, and most importantly, you two need to do this review with me!"

"HUH!?" Victini exclaimed.

"But why!?" Munna protested, "Why do you need us? I mean, what's the point? This fanfic barely has any effort in it, so why should we waste our valuable time making a detailed review on it?"

"Because that's your job here! And there's no way I'm gonna sit here suffering through this thing while you two go off and have fun!" Keldeo insisted.

"This stinks," Victini said flatly.

"Hmph!" Munna pouted angrily.

"We can't stoop to the level of whatever we're reviewing," Keldeo said resolutely, "All reviews need to have effort in them, otherwise this show loses its credibility. So there. Now get in your positions so you'll be ready when your cues come."

"There goes our day off!" Munna complained as she floated off, with Victini close behind her.

"This Venom Dalek guy is gonna pay for this," Victini grumbled miserably.

Keldeo gave an extra-long sigh, and he said, "This is _My Little Pony Ice Age._ "

"So, the story begins with-."

* * *

 _Dawn, the group was covered in ice and snow. The sky is grey from the clouds covering it. A small, grey, sabre-toothed squirrel/rat hybrid creature, named Scrat, bounced around the ice. He carried an acorn, about half his size, in his little arms._

* * *

"THE WORST CHARACTER EVER TO EXIST IN THE HISTORY OF ANIMATION!" Keldeo shouted at the top of his lungs.

Keldeo stopped a moment to catch his breath, and he said, "You know, the sad thing was that when the very first _Ice Age_ movie came out in 2002, Scrat probably _was_ a funny comic relief character with his in between scene gags and bookending scenes. But then _Blue Sky Studios_ decided not only to constantly shove him into our faces, even making him the company mascot so we had to see him in the beginning of moves that weren't even _Ice Age_ related, but also made him integral to the plot of Ice Age movies, often causing the movie's main conflict, solving the movie main conflict, or _both_! When your entire move depends on the accidental actions of a single character, that's called bad writing!"

Keldeo breathed out and said, " _But_ , that's not this fanfic's problem. I can't blame the author for a flaw in the source material he's working with. That being said, if I'm to get through this story, I'm going to have to at least refer to this . . . _thing_ using one of the many nicknames I've created for him."

Keldeo smiled and waited for a moment. After a few seconds, he cleared his throat and said in a louder voice, "Using one of the many nicknames I've created for him!"

Keldeo waited for a few more seconds, then he turned and shouted, "Victini! That's your cue!"

"Do I have to?" Victini moaned form offscreen, "A fanfic like this doesn't deserve well thought out jokes-."

"Come on!" Keldeo urged impatiently.

Victini grumbled, then he could be heard grunting and groaning. Eventually, he came out hefting a huge binder on his back, which was just a little bit bigger than he was. The binder's cover read " **Insulting Nicknames for Scrat** " in big letters.

Victini collapsed next to Keldeo, and Keldeo quickly pushed the huge off of him.

"This is gonna be one of my bad days," Victini mumbled as he crawled away.

"Okay, then," Keldeo said calmly, "As I was saying, the story begins pretty much where the original movie began, with the _Primordial Minion_ running around the ice with his acorn, when all of a sudden, we get what looks like a something you'd see during the Creature Stage in the game _Spore._ "

 _ **R.I.P- The Spore Servers. Died March 20**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2017. (Curse you EA Games!)**_

* * *

 _A bright rainbow colored light shone in the sky turning it from gray to blue. The light then split into six pieces and were launched away. Scrat watched the orange light closely, something seemed strange about this light. He quickly realized the light was coming towards him._

* * *

"Oh, that's nice!" Keldeo said in annoyance, "Let's _not_ start the story in Equestria so we can see how and why the Mane Six got teleported here. No, let's just throw them in with no explanation! That makes sense!"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-Test Complete!"_

"Munna! Turn that off before it gets overloaded and blows up!" Keldeo called out.

"Turn it off yourself!" Munna shouted back.

Keldeo raised an eyebrow and said, "What did the Pokemon who trapped me in Glacier Palace and tried to _destroy the world_ just say?"

"Okay, that's just-!"

"Your character had pretty much no backstory whatsoever in _Gate to Infinity_! One might say that it _had little to no effort put into it._ So, it's kinda understandable that I'd get a little frustrated with you, especially while I'm reviewing a fanfic that had _little to no effort put into it,_ okay?"

"Fine, fine. I'll turn that sarcasm voice thing off," Munna said in resignation.

Keldeo face hoofed and moaned, "Victini was right. This _is_ gonna be a bad day."

Keldeo put his forehoof back down and said, "Okay. So, then Applejack literally lands right on top of the _Nighthowler Addict from Zootopia_. _"_

* * *

 _"Twilight?" Scrat heard her say. He had stayed quiet due to the fact that he was scared out of tiny, little mind._

 _"Rainbow? Fluttershy? Rarity?" She asked. "Where am ah? Ah was just in Twilight's house. And why in tarnation is it so cold?!" Scrat heard her ask shivering again. She started walking off calling off the same names she called for. His eyes closed in relief he reached for his acorn, before a sharp pain shot up through his body from his tail. You could've sworn you heard the sound of glass cracking. His body lifted off the ground and comically hovered into the air and unleashed and ear-piercing shriek, his tongue shooting out of his mouth and revealing all the sinister teeth in his impossibly thin jaw._

 _The Earth Pony, Applejack had accidentally stepped on his fuzzy thick tail._

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "Okay, I think it's time for some _FanFiction101_ Mr. Venom or Dalek or whatever you call yourself. Cartoon visual gags don't _always_ translate well to the written word. Like, when a bomb blows up and a character is all burnt black with torn clothes with a look of shock or pain on his face, _that_ can be described well with words. But when you try to describe the appearance of this kind of slapstick, which is pretty lazy already, it just seems clunky and weird and, in a way, kind of overexplained."

Keldeo shuddered and said, "You know, it actually sounds a bit _horrifying_ when you describe it like this."

* * *

 _His body lifted off the ground and comically hovered into the air and unleashed and ear-piercing shriek, his tongue shooting out of his mouth and revealing all the sinister teeth in his impossibly thin jaw._

* * *

"Gah! It sounds like a rejected _Five Nights at Freddy's_ animatronic!" Keldeo said in horror. Then he blinked as a look of realization crossed his face. "Hey, that's a good one! Victini, quick! Write that one down!"

Victini flew in next to the huge binder of Scrat nicknames and said, "Aw come on, Keldeo! Give me one good reason why _you_ can't write it down!"

Keldeo gave Victini a deadpanned expression and held up a forehoof.

Victini blinked, and looked around in embarrassment. "Oh. Yeah. Right. Okay."

Victini opened the binder and quickly added _Rejected Five Nights at Freddy's Animatronic_ to the list. He closed it and smiled.

"There! All done! I-," Victini began, but he froze as he came to a sudden realization, "Wait a minute, if you can't write with hooves, how did you make this list in the-?"

Keldeo quickly pushed Victini away with a Hydro Pump from the raised forehoof, then swiftly and seamlessly resumed his review, saying, "So, then Applejack finally decides to acknowledge the _Krang Mutated Wile E. Coyote's_ existence. . . not that I blame her for not doing so right away."

* * *

 _"Uh oh, ah'm sorry are y'all okay?" Applejack asked her country accent foreign to him. Scrat glared at raising his fist at her mumbling gibberish. She couldn't understand a single word he said._

 _"Ah'm sorry. Is there anything ah can do to make peace with ya?" She smiled weakly feeling sorry for stepping on his tail._ _He growled, took his nut, and bounced to a spot not 10 feet away from her. She followed him feeling bad._

* * *

"Hey, wait a minute, why is _Applejack_ the one who gets stuck with the _Deformed Lemming from Norm of the North_?" Keldeo asked, "Wouldn't it have made more sense for Fluttershy to come across him? I mean, she's an animal lover, she can communicate with animals, she's patient and kind enough to deal with his nonsense. Wouldn't that have been more interesting? We could have Fluttershy translate his annoying squeaks into actual thoughts. That's sure to be good for a couple of laughs!"

 _ **Fluttershy**_ _: "*gasp* Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth! Such language!"_

"In fact, you know what? _Pinkie Pie_ would have even made more sense than Applejack! Pinkie Pie's a comic relief based character that does random stuff with the sole purpose of trying to get a laugh. He's practically Pinkie Pie's spirit animal!"

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, unfortunately, those ideas require effort, and this fanfic simply didn't have that much put into it, so that's not what we got. So, what _does_ happen next? Well, _Uglymon, The Unfunny Digimon_ pushes his acorn into the ice, _just like in the movie_. The glacier cracks, _just like in the movie_. He and Applejack run away, _just like in the movie_. They almost get crushed by two glaciers, _just like in the movie_. The jump off a cliff, _just like in the movie_. They slide and tumble down the mountainside, _just like in the movie_. Then _Sandy Cheek's Bizzaro Clone_ gets stepped on repeatedly, _just like in the movie-_ _**do you see the problem here?!**_ " Keldeo shouted suddenly.

Keldeo rubbed his face with his front left fetlock, then he put his leg back down and said, "Alright, _FanFiction101_ time again. When you do a crossover where a character enters into another story, it's a good idea to actually have the said character. . . _crossover. . ._ not just copy-paste them into word-for-word rewrite of what originally happened. You see, the whole point of a crossover is to have characters from another franchise change the events in the story they're crossing into. All you basically did was Photoshop Applejack into the first scene of _Ice Age._ So what? Why is that interesting? That's not even funny because we saw this already. We know what happens. How does having Applejack there make it any better? This is the same problem that _Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_ had!"

Keldeo frowned and said, "Okay, the _Demon Raccoon_ does get to ride on Applejack's back, but come on, that's no big deal! It doesn't really change anything that happens. And, okay, maybe this scene _had_ _to_ progress same way it did in the film because of how iconic it is. I get it, it's the first scene of the first movie, it's where it all begin, sure. _But,_ the author should have been creative enough and willing to put in enough effort to at least give Applejack more things to do other than-."

 _ **Monty Python Army:**_ _"RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"_

"' _Like what?'_ You might ask?" Keldeo said, a sly grin on his face, "Well, how about instead of just watching _Sheogorath's Pet Skeever_ stomping his acorn into the ice, Applejack decides to be helpful, gently nudges him aside, flashes a smile, rears up on her back hooves, and brings her front hooves down hard on the acorn, stomping it into the ice. _This_ causes the glacier to break and kicks off the chase scene. In fact, this might actually _improve_ the original scene, especially if instead of stomping with her front hooves she stomped with her back hooves, because we all know that Applejack's back hooves are really strong from applebucking. In fact, didn't she kick an enormous boulder into the air using only her hooves in the episode _Shadow Play- Part One_? Sure, this fanfic was made _before_ that episode, but it _was_ made _after The Mysterious Mare Do Well!_ "

 _ **Applejack**_ _: (Shows off her hind legs) "_ _I_ _stopped the carriage bus with these babies, Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee."_

"So, the idea of Applejack being strong enough to crack a glacier in half kinda makes sense in a way."

Still smiling, Keldeo continued, "And hey, you know what would've have made this even _more_ funny? If Applejack got hit with all the slapstick instead! Maybe, she could've tossed the _Bootleg Beanie Baby_ out from the glaciers that were closing and he just slides down the mountain nice and easy, but then _Applejack_ gets caught between the glaciers and is shot out and bounces down the mountain, then lands only to get stomped on by the-."

Munna flew in and screamed, "Keldeo! What are you doing?! Do you want the entirety of the DeviantArt Group _applejack-fans_ to tear you limb-from-limb?"

"Blame this lazy fanfic! _That's_ what making me so frustrated that I wanna see my favorite pony get hurt!" Keldeo shouted.

Munna blinked and said in confusion, "Wait. Applejack's your favorite pony?"

"Out of the Mane Six, yes. Yes she is," Keldeo replied.

"Oh. Well, I always thought it was Rarity because-."

Keldeo suddenly became angry and shouted, "We do _not_ talk about the _Pokemans Diamond_ comicsby _csimadmax- AUUGH!_ YOU MADE ME SAY ITS NAME!"

Keldeo then blasted Munna away with Hydro Pump.

Keldeo took several deep breaths, then said with a pained expression on his face, "Biscuits, what is this review doing to us?"

"And wait, believe it or not, _I'm STILL not done commenting on this part of the story!_ As I said before, the _Lost Donkey Kong Country Boss_ gets stomped on repeatedly, _just like in the movie._ This, in itself, is actually a problem. Why? Well, take a look for yourself."

* * *

 _Before he was stepped on by a large, brown, furry, hoof like foot. She looked up and saw a brown, furry elephant with huge tusks and small ears. The animal's foot lifted off of Scrat only for him to be stepped on repeatedly by a mirage of large animals she's never seen before. Applejack's eyes widened and her ears lowered as she saw a yellow, giraffe looking animal with a large plump belly and a small elephant like nose, a hairy, tortoise with a spiked tail, a grey pig with a small elephant trunk, and a fat, grey bird with a orangish pink, curved beak. One of the giraffe looking animals looked down at her never stopping and eventually stopped watching here. Scrat actually got stuck to one of the giraffe looking animal's foot. Applejack looked to her right and saw a huge herd of large mammals she couldn't recognize. "Hold on there pardner." Applejack galloped to save Scrat from his stomping punishment in a world she did not understand and probably never would._

* * *

"As you can see, _Applejack takes forever to do anything!_ " Keldeo shouted in aggravation, "I don't care how strange those animals are, if someone is clearly being injured right in front of you, your first instinct is gonna be to get him out of harm's way. Okay, maybe not _everyone_ would feel like that, but this is _Applejack!_ The most dependable of ponies, full of warm country charm and stuff. She would've obviously ran and pulled him out of the way right after the mammoth stepped on him. And how did _she_ not see or hear that long line of migrating mammals anyway?"

"Let's also not forget how much better this would've been if it were _Fluttershy_ that was here instead. She probably would have flipped that mammoth over the moment he even touched the _Maladjusted Muppet,_ and then given nearly every single mammal in that line the Stare as she lectured them on watching for smaller animals at all times. Now _that_ would've have been clever _and_ funny!"

A look of horror suddenly spread across Keldeo's face, "Oh my gosh. . . We're not even past the _first chapter_ and this review has _already_ broken the 3000 word mark!"

 _ **Zecora:**_ _"You're doomed."_

"So then we get introduced to Manny the mammoth, and the author decides to novelize his entire introductory scene, which I guess is good if you haven't seen the movie, but I find it annoying. Then he runs into Pinkie and Fluttershy- hey wait a minute, I thought the Mane Six got sent out in different directions, how did Pinkie and Fluttershy meet up so quickly?"

* * *

 _"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie!" She put her hoof into the hair for him to shake. He heard the other one call her name, sounding worried telling her to come back. He ignored her and glared at her._

 _"Get out of my way." He ordered. On closer look he saw 3 yellow and blue ovals attached to strings resembling balloons. She moved out of his way, smiling, and started following him, the yellow pony following her but remained quiet; which Manfred._

 _"So what's your name?" She bombarded him with the same question and he continued to ignore her and with his patience slowly being worn down it was only a matter of time till he cracked. 'Thanks to Cranky Doodle, I know how to befriend him.' Pinkie thought to herself._

 _From Manfred's point of view she seemed to appear out of nowhere upside down. Manfred yelled out in shock of having her suddenly appear blocking his view._

 _"Hiya!" She giggled. Manfred growled and used his trunk to pull her mane, she screamed in pain and was held up by her mane._

 _"Stop following me." The Mammoth glared dropping her to his left and continued walking. Pinkie became disappointed because he wouldn't accept her as a friend. Her bubbly, hair flattened with a pop and her fur darkened as she looked ready to bawl her eyes out_

* * *

"That's not how Pinkie Pie works!" Keldeo shouted, "You literally just referenced _A Friend in Deed_ and have her say that she knows what to do, but then not only do you _not_ have her act accordingly, but then you have her turn into Pinkamena just so you could reference _Party of One._ She only did that because she thought her friends abandoned her, and she's never done that since. If she didn't turn into Pinkamena when Cranky threw her out of his house, then why did she do it _**here**_?"

* * *

 _"Are you ok?" Fluttershy asked Pinkie Pie. Pinkie's lip quivered and then her mane re-inflated and her mood turned to normal.  
"I'm ok Fluttershy. Lets go find out friends! I need to show them something." She grinned her famous grin showing off her pearly white teeth. Fluttershy smiled back and they continued walking in their earlier direction._

* * *

Keldeo huffed, "Oh, so then that whole scene was pointless then. Great. Well, then we meet Sid the sloth, who got abandoned by his family. _I wonder why._ But it's okay, because then _he_ meets Pinkie and Fluttershy."

* * *

 _"I'm Pinkie Pie and this is..." Pinkie waved her hooves at the shy Pegasus, motioning her to introduce herself._

 _"F..luttershy." Fluttershy said extremely quietly._

 _"What?" Sid asked, not hearing her. "Fluttershy." Her voiced cracked. Fluttershy was naturally very shy, her voice usually cracked up at saying her own name to new ponies, or in this case sloths. Sid blew a raspberry trying to pronounce her name._

 _"Is that your name?" He asked idiotically._

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Oh my gosh, the author actually made Sid's character _**worse**_!"

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "Well, anyway, you know what happens next. Sid ruins Carl and Frank's salad, and the two rhino-looking animals attack him."

* * *

 _"We're sorry for our friend's behavior, how about we forgive each other and sing songs?!" Pinkie grinned. The rhinos glared at her, Carl growling. Sid fell over a log,_

 _"Look pine cones!" Sid picked up a pine cone._

 _"Oh my goodness, they're my favorite." Sid had a look of dread on his face and took a small bite of the tip of the pine cone. He bit really hard, making a crunching noise each time._

 _"Delicious, that's uh, uh good eating." He smiled weakly shoving another pine cone into Fluttershy's mouth and forced her to chew the pine cone. Frank grimaced remembering the incident. Pinkie popped a pine cone into her mouth and her face contorted in pain as she crunched down on it. "OUCH!" She shrieked._

* * *

"Wouldn't it have been funnier if Pinkie actually _liked_ the pine cone?" Keldeo suggested, "Well, it turns out Twilight is nearby and hears Pinkie's scream, but before she can run and help, she gets attacked by saber-toothed tiger."

* * *

 _A lightish grey, unusually thin, mangy looking cat with large saber teeth jumped out of bushes in front of her.. She stopped in place and stared wide-eyed at the saber-toothed cat, the cat in return roared and pounced._

* * *

 _"Don't let me hog them all you have some! Tasty isn't it?" Sid put what remained of his pine cone into Carl's mouth, as Carl growled at him._

* * *

Keldeo was not impressed. "Really? A cliffhanger? Is that supposed to get me invested? Because right now, I'm just bored."

"So the rhinos chase the Earth Pony, Pegasus, and sloth trio; only to be saved by Manny."

* * *

 _"Look we're gonna break your necks, so you don't feel a thing. How's that?" The statement made the three slink further behind and under the mammoth._

 _"Wait a minute...I thought rhinos were vegetarians?" Manfred raised and eyebrow at the rhinos._

 _"An excellent point!" Pinkie raised her hoof._

 _"Shut up." Manfred ordered. She retracted her hoof under the mammoth._

 _"Who says we're gonna eat 'em after we kill them?" Carl told him._

* * *

Keldeo chuckled, "Okay, considering how Sid got more and more insufferable as the franchise progressed, that line not only _didn't_ get old, I think it actually improved with age!"

"So, again, _you know what happens next_. Manny tries to trick the rhinos into thinking there's a sinkhole in the way, Sid throws a rock across the ground and ruins the bluff, and the rhinos charge."

* * *

 _Get 'em!" Carl roared and they charged at them. Manfred glared and caught them both with his 16 foot long tusks. He held his ground but the rhinos were pushing him back off a cliff. To the ponies, Sid screamed like a little filly. Manfred grit his teeth and took control, pushing them back with his pure mammoth strength; the one thing rhinos lack. He tossed them into the air and they landed with a thud. Frank landed on his side, while Carl landed on his chest with his butt in the air. They got up and charged him from both sides, but Manfred was quick to charge too. He charged at Carl, leaving Sid, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy unprotected._

 _Manfred's trunk snagged ahold of Carl's battering ram like horn and he tossed him to the side and landed hard enough for the ponies and sloth to flinch. They screamed noticing Frank charging at them. Just before he could hit them Frank was completely lifted up by Manfred's tusks. Pinkie busted out laughed when she saw what looked like Manfred cradling him like a foal. With little effort, Manfred tossed him into the air and onto a dandelion that excited Carl._

 _The three jumped onto Manfred's face, cheering, but causing him to slide off the cliff with them attached to his face. They all stared at Manfred, who in return was glaring at them._

 _"You have beautiful eyes." Sid complimented him, staring into Manfred's brown eyes._

 _"Get off my face." Manfred repeated from his earlier encounter with the ponies. He stood up and the three slid off his trunk and hit the ground on their butts._

* * *

"Why didn't Fluttershy use The Stare on them?" Keldeo asked in a tone of extreme boredom and disappointment, "Why didn't Pinkie Pie blast them with her Party Cannon? Why aren't any of these crossover characters doing any actual crossing over? Did the Crossover Fairies come to the author in a dream and say to him:"

Victini floated in dressed in a white robe with fake golden wings crookedly taped on his back and a fake golden laurel crown on his head. He was followed by Munna, who was wearing a crown from Burger King on her head and fake golden wings taped to her backside. Both of them looked bored and uninterested.

Victini rolled his eyes and said in a flat tone of voice, "Now hear this, aspiring fanfic writer: the original plots, jokes, and scenes of this movie you're writing a crossover for are to remain exactly the same."

"Oh, come on, you two! You're not even trying!" Keldeo complained, "And Munna, why aren't you doing that heavenly chanting like I told you to _and is that a Burger king crown?!_ "

"Nobody cares, Keldeo!" Munna exclaimed in frustration.

"Yes, they do!" Keldeo argued, "I'm positive that the people watching this review are actually impressed that we're actually trying to create something of substance out of a something that is as bland and is as effort-lacking as _My Little Pony Ice Age_!"

Victini waved his arms wildly and said, "This joke doesn't even make any sense! What the heck is a Crossover Fairy, anyway?!"

Munna nodded, "Yeah! It's like you didn't put any thought into this joke at all."

"Of course, I didn't!" Keldeo admitted frusteratedly, "I mean, _come on!_ It's _My Little Pony Ice Age_!"

Munna's jaw dropped, then she said, "WHAT!? That's not fair! How come we have to put effort into a joke that _you_ didn't put any effort into?!"

Keldeo hung his head low and said, "Because _I_ am the one who has to read and review this story! Isn't that enough suffering?"

Victini flew in close to Keldeo and said in a quiet voice, "Keldeo. . . you don't really think we're making things any better with this review, do ya?"

"Well, it's not like we're making anything worse," Keldeo replied.

Victini flew in really close to Keldeo's face so that his nose was almost touching Keldeo's snout, and he said, "Keldeo. . . it is said that whenever the title _My Little Pony Ice Age_ is spoken, a Cryogonal knocks himself out."

Keldeo pushed Victini away from his face with his right forehoof and said, "That's just silly and not true!"

 ** _Meanwhile, inside Kyruem's ice castle. . ._**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

 _ **CRASH!**_

Another Cryogonal flew at top speed into the wall, smashing into it and then falling on top of the growing pile of unconscious Cryogonals.

Kyruem, frustrated and at his wits end, roared in total exasperation, " _ **WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK IS GOING ON HERE!?**_ "

 ** _Back in the Moor of Icirrus. . ._**

"Now just do this joke already so we can get this review over with! Please!" Keldeo practically begged in desperation.

"FINE!" Munna shouted, then she cleared her throat and began chanting, "Ooooooo, aaaaaah, oooooooh. . ."

Victini nodded and said grumpily, "Now hear this, aspiring fanfic writer: the original plots, jokes, and scenes of this movie you're writing a crossover for are to remain exactly the same."

"That was terrible," Keldeo remarked flatly with a deadpanned expression, "Munna, you sound like Curious George with a stomach ache. Victini, you're still not saying it right. I don't like doing this either, but we can't go on with this review until we get it right! So, we're gonna keep trying until you do!"

* * *

 _ **c u l8er, whateves**_

 _ **(Keldeo:**_ _"Oh, come on! Now even_ _ **that's**_ _not trying! Curse you, My Little Pony Ice Age!"_ _ **)**_


	6. Sneak Peak 1

Hey, Matthais Unidostres here. I really hope you're all enjoying Season Five of Keldeo the Critic so far. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I've gonna gone in another direction with this current review. I tried to make it more about Keldeo, Victini, and Munna. I plan on doing that whenever the fanfic being reviewed is lacking in the substance department to keep the readers engaged and interested. I _never_ want anyone to skip a review, and I know if I just had Keldeo go on and on about a boring fanfic with a bunch of memes thrown in, I'd loser readers really fast. You see, I believe that in a review show, the reviewer as well as his team _should be characters!_ That's why The Nostalgia Critic became so popular.

Because of that, Keldeo's opinions are often slightly exaggerated or downright different from my own. But in the case of _My Little Pony Ice Age. . ._ yeah, it's dead on, I think this crossover fanfic is terrible. So terrible, in fact, that I've actually decided to write my own My Little Pony and Ice Age crossover fanfic staring my favorite pony of the Mane Six, Applejack.

Now, I actually plan on putting a twist on the concept of the crossover, in that Applejack won't exactly be within the actual movies or hanging out with Ice Age characters. I'm gonna go for something a little more artistic here, and create a _deconstructed_ crossover. What that means is that I'm going to capture the _essence_ of Ice Age's surreal humor and _absurdity_ of its situations and put Applejack right in the middle of all of it.

Not only that, my fanfic will _also_ be a kind of parody of the EPIC fanfic _Austreaoh_ by Imploding Colon (TinyURL: **y82grocu** ). This means that it will be a very long, ongoing, and _possibly_ never-ending series of short chapters focused on one single character. It also means that it will be named in a similar manner. Just as _Austreaoh_ comes from the Old Norse word _austri_ , meaning east, and Old English word _eoh_ , meaning horse, the title of my fanfic will _also_ be a combination of an Old Norse word and an Old English word in order to cleverly get across the story's point.

One last thing, my story will be exclusively on FimFictionNet, at least for the time being. Sorry, but I really think FimFiction's infrastructure is better for a fanfic of this particular style. Just check my FimFiction account once in a while to see how it's doing.

Luckily, I've decided to give you a little sneak peak of it right here and right now. Here is the epilogue for my unique take on a My Little Pony and Ice Age crossover!

* * *

Applejack grunted in exertion as she pulled the heavy plow across the field. The Sun was hot that day, but Applejack had her hat to keep the Sun out of her eyes and off of her head and neck. It was times like this when Applejack really appreciated her hat.

As for why Applejack was pulling the plow when it was usually her older brother Big Macintosh who performed this task, it was simply because he had gone and pulled a muscle hoisting up a rock-climbing wall for the Cutie Mark Crusader's Cutie Mark Day Camp. This left Applejack as the only one who could get this plowing done, and she planned on doing just that.

However, Applejack work was interrupted by a loud clang as the metal plow struck something.

"Dang-nabbit," Applejack said in frustration, and she quickly unhitched herself from the plow. She then walked around to see what the plow had collided against.

She looked down at the spot where the blade of the plow had cut deep into the deep, rich earth. Then she dug at the spot with her hoof a bit, muttering to herself on how annoying this whole situation was. Suddenly, a flash of green light burst out of the spot, temporarily blinding her and causing her to stumble backwards.

"Great horny toads!" she cried out as she blinked her eyes excessively, waiting for her sight to return. Once her vision came back, she looked warily at the spot, panting slightly when she saw the strange green glow that was reflected off of the metal plow.

Applejack gulped nervously, fighting the urge to back far away from the light, as she knew that she needed to know exactly what was on her farm as soon as possible. She couldn't risk leaving whatever it was alone for a single moment.

Applejack cautiously stepped closer and closer to the light, then looked down into the hole she had dug. She could see what looked like a metallic handle coming out of the top of a metal object that seemed to be mostly buried, although the green light still shone up through the cracks.

"Alright," Applejack said tensely, "Ah guess Ah better see what we got here."

Steeling herself, Applejack bent down and grabbed the metal handle with her teeth. She gave three sharp tugs, making the third one extra-long, and the entire object slid right out of the hole.

Applejack backed up and set the metal object down in front of her. She stared at it in surprise, as it was unlike anything she had ever seen before.

It was an egg-shaped object, about the size of an ordinary bucket. It was metallic gray, except for the bottom part, which was like a lantern that continued to glow with that eerie green light. It stood on a very short tripod, made up of stubby legs which also glowed green. What could be assumed was the front of the object were a pair of windows that displayed the current year and time in glowing numbers. A golden watch was also imbedded into the object, as well as a red button. There was also a keypad with buttons numbered from 0 to 9 on the left side of it, and on top of it was what Applejack had thought was a handle, although it appeared to be a kind of retractable cover that seemingly was meant to shield a pair of round antenna-like objects that stuck out of a hole in the top.

Applejack gave the device a good looking over, then remarked, "How in the hay did a crazy lookin' clock get buried in mah farm?"

Applejack leaned in closer to the device and frowned. "Who in the hay would even _want_ a crazy lookin' clock like this?" she said as she tapped it with a forehoof. As she did this, she pressed the red button in front with her forehoof without really thinking.

Immediately, the numbers on the front of the device began to change randomly, much to Applejack's confusion. She huffed and remarked "Huh. The dang thing's broken too. Wonder if Twilight and Starlight might get a kick outta trying to fix it."

Just then, one of the round antennas on the device started to sparkle and glow with what looked like bluish-white magic. This caught Applejack's interest, and she stared at in curiosity at first, only to quickly back away from it, as she was quite familiar with what magic could do.

Just as she was about two yards away from it, the device shot out a bolt of lightning in her direction.

Applejack yelped and threw herself flat onto the ground, covering her face with her forehooves. She lay there for a moment, and then she carefully uncovered her face to see that the device had was now still and quiet.

"Whoa, nelly," Applejack remarked breathlessly as she got up slowly, "Talk about a close call." She raised her right foreleg to wipe her brow, only to suddenly notice that something was missing. She touched the top of her head, and only found her mane.

"Where did-?" Applejack said as she looked around, searching the surrounding area for her hat. When she couldn't find her iconic headgear, it didn't take her long to come to the obvious conclusion.

Applejack snorted and scraped the ground with her right forehoof as she glared at the odd device with rage and hate. "You no-good, ugly piece of junk!" she shouted, and she charged at the device, knocking it over and standing over it.

"Ah'm gonna turn ya into scrap!" she shouted as she reared up onto her hind legs. Towering over it, Applejack brought both forelegs down hard onto the front of the device. However, her left forehoof also happened to press the button, and the device emitted another bolt of lightning. This bolt struck Applejack square in the chest, and both she and the device immediately vanished without a trace.

* * *

 _ **Rúmcierr**_

 _Applejack travels through space and time._

By Matthais Unidostres on FiMFictionNet (TinyURL: **ycbwq2me** )


	7. My Little Pony Ice Age- Part 2

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Two:** _ **My Little Pony Ice Age**_ **by The Spectacular Venom (AKA Nightmare Moons Dalek on FimFictionNet)**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL-** **ya3rj6rr**

With her crown now spray-painted golden, Munna performed a glorious angelic chant and orbited around Victini like an actual moon. Victini spread his arms wide and said a serious, yet majestic tone, "Now hear this, aspiring fanfic writer, for I have an important message for you regarding the crossover fanfic you are planning to write. The original plots, jokes, and scenes of the movie _Ice Age_ are to remain exactly the same. Heed my words, and peace be with you."

Keldeo smiled and said with a nod, "There ya are! That wasn't so bad, was it."

Munna promptly stopped singing and said grumpily, "It was terrible."

"Can we leave now?" Victini asked.

"Sure, go ahead," Keldeo said quickly.

" _Peter Rabbit_ couldn't have been _that_ bad," Victini muttered as he and Munna floated off.

"So," Keldeo said, getting back to business, "We then go back to Twilight who gets attacked by a saber toothed tiger. Now, this has potential. There's probably gonna be an epic battle between a master of magic and a blood thirsty-."

* * *

 _She stopped in place and stared wide-eyed at the saber-toothed cat, the cat in return roared and pounced. Her horn glowed violet red and the cat was suddenly frozen in place in the air, surrounded by the same glow as Twilight's horn._

* * *

"Or we could just do that!" Keldeo said in frusterated, "Seriously, why am I not surprised? But what does surprise me is the fact that the author sticks this comment in the story."

* * *

 _"So you ain't gonna kill me right?" Zeke asked, visibly nervous in being dominated by the pony. (Don't you (CENSORED) dare think what I think you're thinking - -)_

* * *

Keldeo looked confused, "Why is that there? Why did the author swear? What doesn't he want us to think of? Does he really hate _Team Fortress 2_? Is he afraid we'll interpret this as Twilight trying to mate with him? Or is he so determined to not put any effort into this story that he didn't even think this through?"

"So, anyway, Twilight interrogates him for the location of her pony friends."

* * *

 _"Was one of your friends blue? With a long, colorful, tail?" Twilight instantly smiled and hugged the Smilodon, thanking him for his help. His description matched her friend Rainbow Dash almost exactly, what were the chances of having a blue flying pony with a rainbow tail? Though she knew she couldn't trust the obvious carnivorous predator. Her horn glowed brighter as Zeke was suddenly lifted further into the air, and she threw him away from her. He landed in a lake nearby, and she ran off into the direction where she heard Pinkie scream._

* * *

"Wait a minute! He didn't tell you where Rainbow Dash was, he just said that he saw her!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Did the author forget to put that part in or something? Seriously, is the author actually _trying_ to put as little effort into this story as possible? But that means he's making an effort to _not_ put in effort! What is this story?"

"Fine! So then the other sabers are planning on stealing a human baby from a tribe of humans as revenge for hunting half their pack, but Rainbow Dash overhears them and plans to stop them."

* * *

 _"Alert the troops we attack at dawn and Diego, bring me that baby. Alive. If I'm going to enjoy me revenge, I want it to be fresh! Soto walked away from Diego muttering something about bringing the baby back alive. Unknown to the cats, they too were being watched. Behind a rock, completely hidden from view was a cyan, Pegasus, mare with a rainbow mane and tail, listening to the sabre's conversation with disgust on her face. 'Oh really huh?' she thought to herself before sneaking off as quietly as she could._

* * *

"Then we go back to Pinkie, Fluttershy, Manny, and Sid; and _of course,_ the ponies don't contribute much of anything and the scene plays out the same as it did in the movie!" Keldeo complained, getting more and more frustrated by the minute.

* * *

 _Hail started to hit the sloth who shouted in pain._

 _"Uh Manfred, Manfred," A piece of hail hit him in the head, "You sqooch over a slouch? Aw come on nobody falls asleep that fast...MANNY!" Sid looked over and saw the ponies had curled up, fast asleep. He bent his long neck down in defeat and walked over towards Manfred's rear and cowered underneath the mammoth's tail._

* * *

"Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness, lover of all animals, leaves another living creature out in the hail to freeze and be buffeted by hail!" Keldeo shouted, now completely furious, "And yeah, it's _Sid._ I know! But come on, it's _Fluttershy!_ This would be a perfect scene for Fluttershy to come out and extend a wing over him, and maybe they could have a conversation about how Sid's family abandoned him. Sid could open up to Fluttershy, and she could make him feel better. Oh my gosh, there are no words to describe such blatant disregard for these incredible characters the author has at his disposal!"

"But wait! It gets worse! After that scene, we get another moment with _Golumn in a Fursuit_ and Applejack!"

* * *

 _Off in the distance, Applejack watched Scrat try to climb a tree trunk with his nut. His goal was to harvest his nut. She couldn't believe how stupid her new friend turned out to be, and how lucky. He'd been crushed, burned, and eaten several times in the day she known the squirrel rat hybrid. Scrat made it to the top and was ready to smack the acorn into the leafless tree but lightning suddenly struck the poor creature._

 _Applejack grimaced as she heard the lightning strike. Out of nowhere the charred nut hit her forehead._

 _"Poor little feller." She shook her head in sadness at the charred animal._

* * *

Keldeo hung his head low and said quietly, "This scene. . . this stupid. . . _stupid_ scene!"

Keldeo suddenly turned into his Resolute Form and shouted, "THIS SCENE IS THE EMBODIMENT OF THIS ENTIRE FANFIC ITSELF!"

Keldeo panted a bit after his shouting, "No, really, all of the problems with this fanfic can be found in this scene!"

"First, why did Applejack let _The Dog from Son of the Mask_ climb a tree in a storm! Applejack isn't stupid! She _knows_ that trees get hit by lighting in storms!"

 _ **Applejack**_ _: Whoa, nelly. Is inside a tree really the best place to be in a lightning storm?_

 _ **Twilight Sparkle**_ _: It is if you have a magical lightning rod protecting your home like I do._

"Why didn't Applejack try to stop him or something! Why isn't she allowed to do anything?! Again, this might have been better is Applejack was the focus of the slapstick and got hit by the lighting instead! Why can't any of the ponies do anything!?"

"Second, ' _He'd been crushed, burned, and eaten several times in the day'_? And Applejack just watched! She didn't even _try_ to keep him out of harm's way?" Keldeo exclaimed, "First Fluttershy isn't kind, and now Applejack _isn't_ the most dependable of ponies? Why is the author degrading these characters?!"

"Third. . . is Applejack just . . . standing out in the hail?" Keldeo asked in utter confusion, "Sure, she's wearing a hat, but **A:** it's hailing, that's gonna hurt, and **B:** _what about the rest of her body_! Why does it seem like none of the ponies are even really there?!"

"And fourth, _this scene was completely pointless!_ " Keldeo shouted, "You know what it feels like? It feels like Applejack is just sitting in _Mystery Science Theater 3000_ watching the scene and commenting on it, except it's in 4D or something and a machine chucked a burnt acorn at her head. And judging by the was none of the pony characters really do much of anything in this story, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe _that_ was the original format of this fanfic, but then the author changed it at the last minute when he read in the FiMFictionNet guidelines that _Mystery Science Theater 3000_ style stories weren't allowed!"

Keldeo calmed down and returned back to his normal form. He was panting heavily after his tirade, but then he stuck his head in the surrounding water to cool off.

"Phew!" Keldeo said as he lifted his head up, "Okay. Now. Last chance for this story. The sabre tooth tigers attack the human camp, and Diego chases the mother as she tries to escape with her baby."

* * *

 _She saw a waterfall and crossed a stone bridge. Diego swiftly cut her off. He swiped his paw and grabbed a necklace that was wrapped around the baby's sleeping bag and snarled. Nadia ran back and under the bridge, where Diego once again cut her off. She turned back and ran again. The orange Sabre began to give chase when, out of the corner of his eye, a blue blur hit the cat._

 _"Aw yeah!" Rainbow Dash hovered just above the ground. Diego snarled at the rainbow maned pony._

 _"Get out of here! I'm busy." Diego growled and went after the human, but he was stopped by Rainbow._

 _"No, I heard your conversation about that baby, I'm not letting you hurt that baby." She smirked, she was confident she could beat this cat and protect that baby. The cat's plan disgusted her to her very core so she devised a plan of her own, to defeat the cats. Rainbow landed on the ground and snorted. Diego snarled and circled the pony. He was using a simple predator tactic, circle the prey for any weaknesses and attack. She followed his movements, it seemed like they were dancing to the death. Rainbow couldn't afford any mistakes, she could use the air to her advantage but then again she could be making a mistake._

 _Diego pounced at the Pegasus who leaped into the air. Diego landed and looked up to see the Pegasus flying above him. He ran after Nadia but was tackled by Rainbow Dash. Rainbow jumped off, but she spun in the air and landed on her side. She stood up just in time to see that Diego pounced on her and pinned the pony down. She grunted and struggled in vain, the 400 pound cat kept her down._

* * *

"Lamest battle ever," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _A rock hit Diego's back and he growled and saw that Nadia had thrown it._

 _The pony bucked the Sabre off her, and got into her hooves._

* * *

"Oh, come on! Dash needs to be saved by the _mother_? The one she was originally trying to save?!" Keldeo complained, "Fine! Add _Rainbow Dash isn't awesome_ to the list of character assassinations this fanfic commits!"

* * *

 _She looked at Nadia who picked up the baby and started to run off. Diego smacked her with his paw, causing her to fly towards the river. She hit the cold water and stood up. Dash glared at the smirking cat._

 _"Come on is that all you got?" She spit some blood into the water. The swipe had left three, bloody claw marks on her left cheek. Diego roared and charged the pony. Rainbow turned and bucked the Sabre in the chest. Diego roared in pain and clutched his chest with his paws._

 _"Yeah! That's what I thought!" Rainbow laughed at Diego. She looked at Nadia who was at the edge of the waterfall on a rock._

 _"You ok?" Rainbow asked, but the human could only hear whinnies from her. Nadia back up from her, Rainbow's ears fell in disappointment and she turned around. Suddenly she felt a pain in her face and she flew off the waterfall and her head bounced on four boulders. She hit the water below. Diego smirked and growled at Nadia._

 _He creeped towards the human and her child. She knew there was only one place she could go, down with Rainbow. She clutched her baby and leapt off the edge, much to Diego's surprise. He looked over the edge but he couldn't find her. He went back towards the camp._

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "You know, this is the only part that I can't get that angry at. I mean, the mother has to die and loose her baby so Manny and Sid could find it. Sure, I wish Dash had put up a better fight, but still, I'd say this is easily the best part of the entire fanfic, as it actually has Rainbow Dash crossing over into the story of _Ice Age_ while taking an active role in it. But the rest of the fanfic is so awful that it really doesn't help much."

Keldeo shrugged, "Okay, what's next."

* * *

 _"Come on Fluttershy, I've seen you checking out Big Mac." Pinkie hooded her eyes._

* * *

". . . I hate this fanfic. . . in fact, I'm just gonna end it now. Pinkie, Fluttershy, Sid, and Manny find the human baby. Then Twilight pulls Rainbow Dash out of the river. Then the two groups find each other. And that's all the author wrote before he gave up!"

Keldeo then smiled knowingly and said, "And I'm gonna tell you _why_ the author decided to stop writing this fanfic. You see, in the movie, Diego is able to trick Sid and Manny into thinking he wants to help return the baby to his family, while he really wants to take him to his pack to eat it. Of course, during the movie, he goes through character development and has a change of heart. But in this story, Rainbow Dash knows that Diego's a bad guy, so that ruins Diego's plan. And the author can't give Dash amnesia, because Diego scratched Dash's face, and she still has the scars to prove it! Plus, when the gang runs into the _Glitched Out Pachirisu Sprite,_ Diego won't be bale to flick him away when he tries to warm them about the sabres and point Diego out as a bad guy, because not only will Fluttershy be there to translate, but Applejack will be there to defend him from Diego and insist that they give the _'little feller'_ a chance. Also, I don't think Fluttershy would be okay with the _DODO GENOCIDE SCENE!_ "

Keldeo frowned, "In other words, the author would have to put _effort_ into rewriting the plot of the movie now that irrevocable and unavoidable changes have been made. _BUT,_ since we are all well aware that _this_ author is incapable of putting effort into his stories, or at least _this_ story, maybe he's better at other types of fanfics, I don't know- The point is that the author just couldn't be bothered, so he quit. Leaving us with the terribly lazy, annoying, character insulting fanfic known as _My Little Pony Ice Age._ I've already explained why this fanfic is bad enough, you have to have gotten it by now, so let's just end this review already."

Keldeo stomped his left forehoof and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!"

As Keldeo turned to leave, Victini and Munna came back, looking pretty sorry for themselves.

"Uh, Keldeo," Munna began nervously, unable to look Keldeo in the eye.

"We wanna apologize. . . and thank you," Victini said with a sheepish smile.

"Thank me?" Keldeo echoed, looking rather confused by the countenances of the two Pokemon.

"We looked up info on the _Peter Rabbit_ movie," Victini explained.

"Oh. My. Gosh," was all Munna could say as her eyes widened in horror.

Keldeo blinked, then smirked, "Heh. See what I meant?"

Victini nodded, "Yeah. I think doing this review was a much better time than watching that horrible movie ever could've been."

Keldeo nodded, "Sure. I mean, as bad as it was, it was at least fun to critique. It's a good lesson of what _not_ to do when making a crossover fanfic."

Munna nodded, "Sure. Very informative."

"Right," Keldeo said confidently, his cheerful demeanor returning now that the review was over and done with, "Well, I think it's about time I reviewed a Pokemon fanfic. Got any ideas?"

Victini grinned, "How about _**THE WORST POKEMON FANFIC EVER**_?"

Keldeo blinked, and he put his left forehoof to his chin in thought. "Hmmmmmmmmm. . ." Finally, Keldeo smiled and said cheerfully, "Okay!"

Munna sighed, "Oh good. He's happy. He must have forgotten about how I accidentally brought up those _Pokemans Diamond_ comics."

Keldeo froze solid as his right eye twitched.

Munna's eyes widened as she realized her fatal mistake. "Uh-oh," she said.

Victini gulped audibly and said, "I . . . think we'd better go now."

* * *

Vicitni and Munna quickly flew out of the Moor of Icirrus as fast as they could. However, they could hear a loud battle cry above and behind them. If they could've afforded the chance to turn and look up, they would have seen Keldeo falling from the sky in his Resolute Form, with his Secret Sword out and aimed right at them as he roared with horrifying rage.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Nostalgia Critic- The Adventures of Pluto Nash_

 _Peter Rabbit (2018)_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Ice Age_

 _FiMFictionNet_

 _The Nostalgia Critic- Garfield the Movie_

 _My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Wiki_

 _Team Fortress 2_

 _Mystery Science Theater 3000_

 _The "Pokemans Diamond" comic series by CSImadmax_ _ **(Keldeo: "WHAT!? WHAT IS THIS DOING HERE IN THE CREDITS!? MATTHAIS!")**_

 _The Nostalgia Critic- Norm of the North_


	8. E2: Can the Ice Age Series End Well?

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 2- Can the Ice Age Series End Well?**

 **Thumbnail: TinyUR L ****y96d9swm**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!"

Keldeo smiled, and he said with a look of nostalgia in his eyes, "Ya know, the first _Ice Age_ movie that came out back in 2002 sure had some memorable moments in it. Manny remembering his family in a very creatively and beautifully conveyed scene, everyone sliding down the ice ramps through the caverns, Sid surfing on lava, and Manny finally returning the human baby to his father. I have to admit it, _Ice Age_ was a good movie. It was a very solid film with a few dumb moments, but all in all, it had heart, and was a fun adventure that knew how to balance its comedy and serious drama."

Keldeo held his smile for a moment, nodding a few times as he reminisced. Then he suddenly shouted, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF BISCUITS HAPPENED!?"

Keldeo took a few deep breaths, then he said, "Every single movie in the _Ice Age_ series has been worse than the one before it. I suppose _Ice Age: The Meltdown_ was _okay I guess,_ but the next three movies were some of the worst movies ever made by a major animation company. It's almost like the writers didn't have any ideas, so they just decided to give a different character a girlfriend in each film while also picking a random popular movie trope that they could just shove into the _Ice Age_ universe. Ice Age 3? Dinosaurs! Ice Age 4? Pirates! Ice Age 5?"

 _ **Space Core:**_ _"SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"_

"And let's not forget about how our three main characters got completely ruined!" Keldeo said bitterly, "Sid got more and more stupid, annoying, stupidly annoying, and annoyingly stupid with every film; Diego got less and less cool and tough; and Manny got more and more dorky! Then they had to add annoying side characters like Crash, Eddie, Buck, and Sid's granny! Was Sid alone not enough!? Oh, and let's not forget how they made Scrat be the driving force of whatever plot that happens, either causing the problem or solving it for the main characters! And the worst part is that _we all know_ that there's gonna be an _Ice Age 6._ You know they're not gonna be able to help themselves! They're gonna milk this series for all its worth, those greedy. . ."

Keldeo paused, and he used Twilight and Cadence's breathing technique to calm himself down.

"Okay," Keldeo said quietly, "The fact is that the first movie was good. So, it should be possible to make another good movie with these characters. I mean, hey! Sid's granny left the group at the end of _Ice Age: Collision Course,_ and Shira is actually a good character. There really is hope for the sixth movie."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and shouted, "PROVIDED! . . . That the writers get a few things right."

Keldeo put his hoof down and said, "First of all, _Ice Age 6_ needs to be the _LAST ONE_! The only movie series that deserve more than six films are _Harry Potter, Star Wars,_ and kaiju film series. However, this means that several loose ends need to be tied so the writers have no excuse to make another one."

Keldeo waved his right forehoof dismissively and said, "Peaches and her husband are together, so the movie can just address them briefly and move on. But Manny and Ellie could have an arc on looking back on their lives or something."

Keldeo grinned excitedly and said, "This could be _masterful_ , as it would be a way for the viewers to directly relate to the characters. The audience will be feeling nostalgic about the previous Ice Age movies while Manny and Ellie are looking back on their lives and all the crazy adventures they had. Maybe Manny could finally tell Ellie about the events of the first movie."

"Now, we already had the pregnancy subplot in _Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs,_ so Diego and Shira should have already had their cubs in between movies 5 and 6, and their kids can play a role in the movie as cute characters. Maybe they could be Trickster Twins, or they could be a Freudian Trio of triplets!"

Keldeo frowned and said, "Oh boy, then we've got Sid and his girlfriend. I think it would be best if they were just the romantic comedy part of the movie with little focus on them. And we don't need them to have kids! Okay, maybe at the end of the movie or in an epilogue we can have a time skip where we get a glimpse of Sid Junior or something, if only to officially end their story arc so it can't be used to make an _Ice Age 7_."

Keldeo gave a long sigh, and he said, "And as for Scrat . . . I've got two ideas. He finally burries the acorn and gives the camera a winking-smile, and then the credits roll. OR, he decides that he's tired of the danger and torture his acorn-chasing has put him and dramatically destroys the acorn like Samurai Jack destroyed Aku, and then he smiles victoriously and with confidence and pride at the camera, and then the credits roll. And, aw, what the heck, then Scrattle shows up and they live happily ever after. I don't really hate Scrat, I just hate how the writers abuse him, both as a character and as a plot device."

Keldeo then gave a clever smile and said, "Now, as for the plot, it needs to be something wholesome and not as insane as the plots we've gotten before. In fact, I think many _Ice Age_ fans know exactly what it should be. It's pretty obvious, actually. The plot should involve the baby from the first movie, now an adult, reuniting with the animals who helped him get back to his tribe. His father must have told Roshan, _that's the baby's name_ , how a mammoth found him after his mother died and brought him back. Roshan might even remember bits of his adventure with the animals, and we could have some flashbacks redone in today's superior animation."

"As for why Roshan is returning, maybe he got lost again. Or maybe Diego's cubs get lost or maybe even kidnapped by humans and Roshan decides to help save them as a way of returning the animal's kindness to him when he was a baby. This could cause some internal conflict in Diego, seeing as he's actually responsible for Roshan's mother's death. He _did_ force her to jump into that river, after all. Diego admitting this to Roshan could be a key plot point of the movie. In fact, the message of the final movie could revolve around _'looking back and moving ahead'_ or _'Admitting your mistakes and becoming better.'_ Something like that."

"Now, you might think that although this all sounds well and good, it simply can't work because Roshan won't be able to communicate with the animals," Keldeo began, then he frowned and said, "This series has _transforming sirens, a prophecy pillar, magical anti-gravity crystals, the fountain of youth,_ and _aliens_ in it! I don't think it would be too hard to create a way for Roshan and the animals to communicate. Maybe Roshan's father makes him a mammoth totem necklace that somehow gains magical _'talk to animal'_ powers. Maybe Scrat shoots Roshan with some kind of alien technology he found during his space adventure. Maybe Roshan spending so much time around the animals as a baby gave him the ability to communicate with animals. Or maybe Roshan just hits his head and that causes him to be able to understand animals. It doesn't really matter how, and after all the crazy stuff this series has given us, I'm pretty sure we'd all be willing to accept anything at this point."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Yeah, my heart wasn't really in this Editorial. Mostly because, like I said earlier, I really liked the first _Ice Age_ movie, and it hurts to see the series crash and burn so badly. Not only that, the sixth movie will probably be bad no matter what I say, or you say, or anyone else says or does! Maybe Roshan will return, maybe he won't, but if _anyone_ can save the _Ice Age_ series, it's Roshan."

Keldeo nodded and said, "I'm Keldeo the critic, I review it so you don't have to."

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Ice Age (2002)_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Portal 2_

 _Harry Potter_

 _Star Wars_

 _Samurai Jack_

 _TVTropes_


	9. THE WORST POKEMON FANFIC EVER Part 1

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Three: WORST POKEMON FANFIC EVER**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL-** **y9yzx66f**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!"

Keldeo pauses for a while, still smiling, and took a breath before continuing, "Well, here we go again. Matthais has once again sent me a fanfic that he believes to be the worst one he's ever read. I still shudder when I think of my review of what I agreed was the _WORST FANFIC EVER, Palace Pets_ by Dark Santa."

* * *

 _"This fanfic is the absolute_ _worst_ _! The character are either dumb, jerks, evil, or so shallow that they barely exist! The grammar and writing are so_ _bad_ _it's not even funny! Sentences are pushed together, words are missing, it's a nightmare! And stories don't even have proper climaxes, resolutions, or endings. This fanfic is an utter mess. I know I said_ _Vegeta in Jubilife_ _was the worst fanfic ever,_ _but no!_ _The word needs to be said._ _Palace Pets_ _by Dark Santa is the absolute_ _worst_ _fanfic ever!"_

* * *

Keldeo gave a sigh and said, "But now, it looks like Matthais has narrowed it down to just _Pokemon_ fanfiction this time around. That's right, we're about to experience the worst Pokemon fanficever made."

Keldeo frowned a bit, then instantly shook off the funk he was in and started chuckling, "Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh! Aw, _come on_! I've already gone through the horror of _Palace Pets_! _And_ I've reviewed _Zuma's Fear_ by HavocHound!"

Keldeo smiled with confidence and said, "Yeah! I can handle this! I've gotten tougher and stronger from reviewing much worse stories! And this is Pokemon, so it couldn't possibly be as bad as something like Disney's rip-offs of _Littlest Pet Shop_ and _My Little Pony_! This story couldn't possibly hurt me after what _I've_ been through! I'm a super tough Sword of Justice! Bring it on!"

Keldeo opened his laptop and opened the file Matthais sent him.

* * *

 _ **Hypnotized Eevee**_

 _By:_ _arvinsharifzadeh_

 _Team Rocket hypnotized Eevee._

 _Rated:_ _Fiction K+_ _\- English - Words: 1,861 - Reviews:_ _2_ _\- Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: Nov 14, 2015 - Status: Complete - id: 11614664_

* * *

"Oh. . . okay. . ." Keldeo said slowly, deflating a little, "Maybe we ought to get a little background on this author."

"So, arvin. . . yeah, I'm not gonna even _try_ to pronounce his name. So, the author says he's a 20-year-old guy, but he has a picture of Sweetie from _PAW Patrol_ as his profile picture."

Keldeo blinked with a weirded out look on his face, ". . .Okay. . . well, the second weird thing about him is. . . well. . . just check out his stats on his profile page."

* * *

 _Joined Dec 15, 2014, id: 6347440, Profile Updated: Jan 28_

 _Author has written 789 stories for Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat, Misc. Cartoons, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Misc. Tv Shows, Kimba the White Lion, Sonic Underground, Sonic X, Malcolm in the Middle, Chowder, My Little Pony, House of Mouse, X-overs, Lion King, Simpsons, Star Wars, Pokémon, Sonic the Hedgehog, Maya and Miguel, Misc. Movies, Open Season, Codename: Kids Next Door, Shakespeare, Bolt, SpongeBob SquarePants, Johnny Test, Powerpuff Girls, Dragon Tales, Land Before Time, WordGirl, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Ed, Edd n Eddy, Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Aladdin, Skunk Fu!, Dora the Explorer, Incredibles, Alvin and the chipmunks, Jimmy Neutron, Shrek, Bill Nye The Science Guy!, Peep and the Big Wide World, Sesame Street, Matilda, Arthur, Titanic, Peanuts, Lion Guard, Frozen, Danny Phantom, Looney Tunes, Goldbergs, Family Guy, Underdog, Miss BG, Naruto, Friday the 13th, Harry Potter, TV X-overs, Disney, Cleveland Show, Ren & Stimpy Show, Lady and the Tramp, King Of The Hill, Fox and the Hound, Kim Possible, All Dogs go to Heaven, Finding Nemo, Blue's Clues, Bambi, Life is Beautiful, Camp Lazlo, Ice Age, Berenstian Bears, Charlotte's Web, Jungle Book, Shark Tale, Mario, Fairly OddParents, Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers, Little Mermaid, Of Mice and Men, Garfield, Gargoyles, Mulan, Bible, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, I Love Lucy, A Bugs Life, To Kill a Mockingbird, Drake & Josh, Grand Theft Auto, Angelina Ballerina, Courage: The Cowardly Dog, Toy Story, Cubix: Robots for Everyone, 101/102 Dalmatians, Ruby Gloom, Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z, Magic School Bus, Krypto the Super Dog, Wild Thornberry, Incredible Hulk, Forrest Gump, As Told By Ginger, Kingdom Hearts, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Cartoon X-overs, Hannah Montana, Dear Dumb Diary, iCarly, Brace Face, My Gym Partner's a Monkey, Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, Futurama, Misc. Games, Kid vs Kat, Sonic Boom, TV Commercials, Teletubbies, Parodies and Spoofs, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Happy Feet, Strawberry Shortcake series, Phineas and Ferb, Super Why, Web Shows, Gravity Falls, Pucca, Tale Spin, Misc. Plays/Musicals, Mickey Mouse & Friends, Romeo & Juliet, Caillou, Cyberchase, Ella Enchanted, Peter Pan, Super Smash Brothers, Horton Hears a Who, Oliver & Company, Tom and Jerry, Inception, It's a Wonderful Life, Brother Bear, Croods, Cats & Dogs, Cinderella, Spyro the Dragon, Popeye, Soul Surfer, Curious George, Casper, Monsters Inc., Great Gatsby, Winnie the Pooh, Gattaca, Antz, Night at the Museum, Pecola, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Jumanji, Turbo Dogs, A Christmas Carol, Tangled, Martha Speaks, Frankenstein, Scooby Doo, Aristocats, Oliver & Company, Yu-Gi-Oh, Yogi Bear, Pink Panther, Mysteries of Alfred Hedgehog, and Jane and the Dragon._

* * *

Keldeo's eyes went wide and he exclaimed, "WHAT!? How did he manage to write 789 stories in _alllllllll_ of these categories in such short a time?"

Keldeo then frowned and his eyes became deadpanned, "That was an act. I'm not surprised and I'm not impressed. Sure, it _says_ he wrote 789 stories, but he really didn't. You see, nearly all of the so called 'fanfics' that he wrote are actually just rap battles between different characters, parodies of the songs _12 Days of Christmas_ and _We Didn't Start the Fire,_ and various other TV show songs that were changed and adapted to fit in characters from other shows. Like the Powerpuff Girls's song with Dragon Tales characters in them, stuff like. And as for most of the fanfics that actually _are_ stories, most of _them_ are just really short oneshots."

Keldeo then shrugged and said, "But, that being said, that doesn't necessarily mean his fanfics are bad. . . but then again, if it _this_ fanfic wasn't bad bad, Matthais wouldn't have sent it to me. But I doubt it'll be _that_ bad, so let's just get it over with. This is _Hypnotized Eevee_!"

* * *

 _At the forest, Ash and his friends are having a relaxation, along with their Pokemon._

 _Ash sighed and said, "What a wonderful day to have a relaxation."_

* * *

Keldeo made a face and said, " _'Have a relaxation'_? Who talks like that? I'm starting to doubt that English was this person's first language."

* * *

 _Bonnie looked at the Pokemon and notice that Eevee is still shy around all of the other Pokemon._

 _Bonnie said, "Serena, why is Eevee so shy?"_

 _Serena said, "Well, sometime people and Pokemon are shy, because they're not used to being with others."_

 _Clemont said, "Also, whenever they're sensitive, it not easy trying to get them to take courage."_

 _Ash said, "It the same thing that happened to Helioptile."_

 _Bonnie said, "I guess you're right."_

* * *

"This isn't so bad," Keldeo remarked, "I mean, yeah, there aren't any actual paragraphs or details descriptions, making this whole fanfic seem really bareboned and minimal, but the story and dialogue so far seems friendly and nice."

* * *

 _Pikachu said, "Hi Eevee, how it going?"_

 _Eevee said, "Um, just fine. Please don't hurt me."_

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Oh man, I spoke too soon."

 _Pikachu said, "We won't hurt you. We're friends."_

 _Eevee said, "I know, but I'm still scared."_

 _Pikachu said, "Oh brother."_

* * *

Keldeo put his forehoof down and nodded. "You got that right, Pikachu. Come on, Eevee wasn't that bad. . ." Keldeo then grinned and said, "Oh wait, she was! Never mind!"

"Seriously, Eevee was utterly terrified of everyone but Bunnelby for far too long if you ask me. So _'please don't hurt me'_ is actually a very in character thing for Eevee to say. The only trouble is that judging from the grammar, dialogue, and formatting of this fanfic, I'm pretty sure this was just an accident on the author's part and not meant to be intentional or clever at all."

* * *

 _Pancham said, "Look, you can't just be scared all the time. You gotta be strong."_

 _Eevee said, "But..."_

 _Pancham said, "Get some guts into it. Quit being a scary cat."_

 _Eevee gasped and she started to whimpered._

 _Braixen said, "Pancham, that wasn't nice."_

 _Pancham said, "Well it her fault."_

 _Bunnelby said, "Oh brother."_

* * *

"What do you mean 'oh brother'?" Keldeo asked in an accusatory tone, "That is _your_ girlfriend Pancham is insulting, Bunnelby! Pancham just insulted your fair maiden's honor! You better march right up to Pancham and demand a duel!"

Keldeo then calmed down and remarked, "Oh, and now I _know_ English was not the author's first language. The wording and phrasing is all wonky! He wrote 'get some guts into it' instead of 'put some guts into it,' 'scary cat' instead of 'scaredy cat,' and 'whimpered' instead of 'whimper.'"

Keldeo thought for a moment, then he shrugged and said, "Or maybe he does know English and was just super lazy when writing this."

* * *

 _Hawlucha said, "But he does have a point. You do need to be a little assertive."_

* * *

Keldeo gasped and said, "No, Hawlucha! We all know where that leads!"

 _ **Fluttershy:**_ _"Nopony pushes new Fluttershy around! NOPONY!"_

Keldeo paused for a moment, then he said, "You know, that actually might make for a good plot for a fanfic. Eevee becoming so assertive that she starts bullying all the other Pokemon and makes them cry, but then she learns her lesson and everything works out in the end."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Unfortunately, that's _not_ the story we get. Instead, Team Rocket shows up and captures Eevee."

* * *

 _Pretty soon, Eevee was caught in a net. She screamed._

 _Serena said, "Eevee."_

* * *

Keldeo sighed in annoyance, "Seriously! You didn't even put in an exclamation point! You didn't even use a word like 'shouted' or 'screamed' or 'exclaimed'! And you just used the word 'screamed' in the previous sentence! Eevee is being stolen! I'm pretty sure Serena would put a little more emotion into her voice in response to that!"

 _ **Willy Wonka:**_ _"Stop. Don't. Come back."_

* * *

 _Ash said, "Who did this?"_

 _Jessie said, "Prepare for trouble!"_

 _James said, "Make it double!"_

 _Jessie said, "To protect the world from devastation!"_

 _James said, "To unite all peoples within our_

* * *

"Stop, stop, stop!" Keldeo shouted, "Author, you don't have to write 'James said' and 'Jessie said' over and over again! It's the Team Rocket Motto! It's been burned into our brains! Unless you're changing it up or something, you don't need to tell us who's saying what!"

* * *

 _Eevee said, "Serena, help me."_

 _Serena said, "Don't worry Eevee. I'm coming."_

 _So Serena quickly ran to save Eevee, but she was too late. Team Rocket escape from their jetpack._

 _Team Rocket said, "Bye-bye."_

 _Serena said, "EEVEE!"_

* * *

"Oh, so _now_ you're concerned enough to raise your voice!" Keldeo remarked. "Anyway, Team Rocket breaks out of the jetpacks they were trapped in- oh, wait, the author must have meant _'Team Rocket escaped_ _ **with**_ _their jetpacks'_ not _'from.'_ Anyway, they escape, and they have big plans for Eevee."

* * *

 _James said, "Now we can use this Eevee to evolved into any Pokemon we want."_

 _Jessie slapped James and said, "We are not making it evolve. I have another idea."_

 _Meowth said, "What is it?"_

 _Jessie said, "We are going to hypnotize Eevee."_

 _Eevee gasped._

 _James said, "Yeah and later we can use Eevee to capture Pikachu for us."_

 _Jessie said, "Actually, I got another plan. After we hypnotize Eevee, we will command it to destroy the twerpette."_

 _Meowth said, "You mean Serena."_

 _Jessie said, "Yes. So that way, no one can stop me from becoming the Kalos Queen."_

* * *

Keldeo looked completely confused, "Wait, you're going to _kill_ Serena? First of all, Team Rocket is not _that_ evil. This seems seriously out of character. Wouldn't it have made more sense if the plan was to break Serena's spirit by having her little Pokemon friend attack her? You know, instead of _MURDER!?_ "

"Second, if you wanted to do that, why not use one of the Pokemon you already have! I'm pretty sure Gourgeist is stronger than Eevee. I'm pretty sure _Pumpkaboo_ was stronger than Eevee! So even if you accepted this extremely out of character moment, it still wouldn't make any sense."

"So, James must have given Inkay some special training, because now he suddenly knows Hypnosis with no explanation, and he uses it on Eevee."

* * *

 _James said, "Alright Inkay, use hypnosis on Eevee."_

 _Inkay said, "Got it. Iiiiinnnkaaayyy!"_

 _So Inkay hypnotized Eevee._

 _Eevee said, "What can I do for you Team Rocket?"_

 _Meowth said, "We did it."_

 _Jessie said, "Alright Eevee, I want you to destroy Serena."_

 _Eevee said, "Your wish is in my command."_

 _James said, "And after you're done. Capture Pikachu as well."_

 _Eevee said, "Yes master."_

 _Meanwhile, Ash and his friends are still looking for Eevee._

 _Serena said, "Eevee, where are you?"_

 _Dedenne said, "Come out, come out, where ever you are."_

* * *

"What are you talking about? You just saw Eevee get captured! How is she gonna come out to you? Do you think she escaped?" Keldeo paused and thought on this for a moment, "That's. . . actually a very optimistic thought, but given how shy and scared Eevee is I doubt that's very logical!"

* * *

 _Bonnie said, "I heard something behind the bushes."_

 _Serena said, "It must be Eevee."_

 _Soon, Eevee lurks out of the bushes and saw Serena._

 _Serena said, "Eevee. Oh are you alright."_

 _Eevee looked at Serena and she tackle her to the ground._

* * *

 _ **Eevee:**_ _"ZUUL, DAWN WANNABE! ZUUL!_

* * *

 _Ash said, "Serena!"_

 _Serena said, "Ow. Eevee, what's got into you?"_

 _Eevee said, "It time for you to meet you're doom."_

 _Serena said, "What?"_

 _So Eevee started using shadow ball on Serena, but Ash quickly saved her._

 _Serena said, "Oh, thank you Ash."_

 _Ash said, "You're welcome."_

* * *

"Okay, first of all, since when did Serena's Eevee know Shadow Ball? Was Swift not evil looking enough? And second, exactly _how_ did Ash save her? Did he push her out of the way? Did he jump out in front of her and block the attack with his body? This is why stories need details!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _Eevee used shadow ball again. They all started to run._

 _Serena said, "What going on?"_

 _Ash said, "I bet Team Rocket did this."_

 _Bonnie said, "But how?"_

 _Clemont said, "Maybe she was hypnotized by a Pokemon."_

 _Serena said, "But, what Pokemon did Team Rocket used to hypnotized Eevee?"_

 _Clemont said, "Of course. Inkay."_

 _Bonnie said, "Oh yeah. Which is why when it evolve into Malamar, the hypnosis would've got effective."_

* * *

Keldeo stood stoically frowning and said, "Seems legit."

* * *

 _Soon, Eevee jumped ahead of them. She uses shadow ball again. They soon ran to the other side._

 _Ash said, "This isn't gonna work. We gotta stop Eevee from attacking us."_

 _Clemont said, "Wait a minute. Maybe the only way to stop Eevee is by battling it."_

 _Serena said, "What? I'm not letting Eevee get hurt."_

* * *

Keldeo groaned, "Oh, come on! She's a Pokemon! Pokemon battle! It's kinda what we do! I'm pretty sure Eevee can take it."

* * *

 _Eevee jumped in front of them again and said, "Hehehehehehehe! You can run, but you can't hide."_

 _Serena said, "Eevee, why are you doing this?"_

 _Eevee said, "That is none of your business. Soon, I will destroy you so Jessie can soon be Queen of Kalos."_

 _Bonnie said, "Oh dear."_

 _Serena said, "Oh yeah, well let have a battle."_

 _Eevee said, "Hehehehe! Alright."_

* * *

Keldeo looked confused, "What's with all the evil laughing? I always thought being hypnotized makes you act all robotic. Since when does being hypnotized turn you into a hammy, clichéd bad guy from a Saturday morning cartoon? Maybe this is just the author's way of bringing Sweetie into the Pokemon world as an Eevee. He clearly loves her a lot, seeing as he uses her image as his profile picture! Seriously, I'm surprised he didn't have Eevee snort at the end of her laugh."

 _ **Sweetie:**_ _"Hahahahahahahaha *snort*!"_

Keldeo's eyes suddenly widened with sudden realization, and he said, "Wait a minute, the humans can understand what Eevee's saying!? Oh biscuits! It's Toadettegirl2012 all over again!"

* * *

 _Clemont said, "Alright, the battle between Serena's Braixen and Eevee will now begin."_

* * *

"What are you refereeing for, Clemont? Isn't the point of this battle just to snap Eevee out of it?" Keldeo asked in confusion.

* * *

 _Serena said, "Alright Braixen, flamethrower."_

 _Braixen said, "Flllaaammmethhrroowwer!"_

 _Eevee quickly dodge it and used shadow ball on Serena. Ash quickly saved her._

 _Serena said, "Thanks Ash."_

 _Ash said, "You're welcome."_

* * *

"Details! Use them!" Keldeo shouted.

"So, then Pikachu joins the battle, making Clemont being the referee even more pointless, and the humans. . ." Keldeo looked utterly confused, " _. . .leave?_ "

* * *

 _Braixen said, "Serena, you and the other get out of here. I'll take care of Eevee."_

 _Pikachu said, "I'll help too."_

 _Ash said, "Be careful you too."_

 _So Ash and the other left._

* * *

"And then, since they were left all alone with the psychotic Eevee, Team Rocket showed up with their Pokemon and ambushed Braixen and Pikachu and captured them- okay, that doesn't happen. . ." Keldeo blinked his eyes, and he said, "But wait, why _didn't_ that happen? Team Rocket are being just as dumb as our heroes!"

* * *

 _Eevee growls and said, "Do you think stalling is gonna stop me?"_

 _Pikachu said, "Eevee, you gotta stop this. Think about who you're hurting."_

 _Eevee said, "Hehehehehehehe! Forget it. I will soon destroy you and you're trainers."_

 _Braixen said, "Oh yeah. Well, no one can stop us."_

 _Pikachu said, "Yeah."_

 _Eevee said, "Yeah right. Pikachu is just a mouse and you Braixen is a minions."_

 _Pikachu gasped._

 _Braixen said, "What did you just say?"_

 _Eevee said, "I said, Braixen is a minions."_

 _Braixen eyes started flaming mad. She held up her stick and made a huge fireball. Soon, she hit it directly to Eevee._

 _Pikachu said, "Whoa."_

 _Braixen said, "No one called me a minions."_

* * *

Keldeo was completely shocked and stunned, ". . . Did that just happen? I mean. . . so. . . when Eevee called Braixen a minions, was she referring to those annoying yellow things from _Despicable Me_? I mean, if she was, I understand why Braixen got so angry, because that _is_ an insult. The only problem is _how does Braixen look_ _ **anything**_ _like the minions from Despicable Me_?"

Keldeo frowned and sat on his haunches to think. "I mean, sure, her fur _is_ yellow. But first of all, she also has red, white and black fur. Second, her fur looks like a dress. Third, the minions look nothing like foxes. Eevee has to know they aren't foxes. Is that just something she doesn't realize? She has to know minions aren't foxes! Eevee _are_ foxes! I mean, biscuits, how is this scene even _remotely possible-!?_ "

Munna suddenly flew in and said, "Keldeo. Remember what I said during the _My Little Pony Ice Age_ review."

Keldeo blinked in confusion and said, "What?"

"Nobody cares, Keldeo!" Munna exclaimed in frustration, and she flew away.

". . . Good point," Keldeo said with a nod.

Keldeo stood back up and said, "So, the attack managed to free Eevee from the hypnosis."

* * *

 _So Clemont helped fix Eevee bruises. Soon, she was waking up._

 _Serena said, "Eevee, are you okay?"_

 _Eevee said, "Huh, what happened?"_

 _Pikachu said, "You were hypnotized and you started to attack us."_

 _Eevee said, "Oh dear. I'm so sorry."_

 _Braixen said, "It okay Eevee. It not your fault."_

 _Soon, they saw Team Rocket coming out of the bushes._

 _Meowth said, "Hey look, here they are."_

 _Ash said, "Team Rocket."_

 _Jessie said, "Grrrr, it look like Eevee snapped out of the hypnosis."_

 _James said, "Drat."_

 _Serena said, "How dare you hypnotized my Eevee?"_

 _Jessie said, "We're evil that why and James."_

 _James said, "Yes Jessie."_

 _Jessie said, "NEXT TIME, THINK OF A PLAN BEFORE HYPNOTIZING EEVEE!"_

* * *

"But they _did_ have a plan!" Keldeo argued, but then he just sighed and shook his head, "Whatever. Team Rocket gets blasted off again and that's pretty much it. The end."

Keldeo looked confused again, and he gave his head a scratch.

". . . How is this the worst Pokemon fanfic ever?!" Keldeo finally shouted, "It was weird, short, had poor grammar, and had weird references and wonky dialogue, but it wasn't painful to read. I don't understand-."

Suddenly, Keldeo heard his smartphone ringing. Victini flew over holding Keldeo's phone and said, "It's Matthais."

Victini held the phone to Keldeo's ear, and Keldeo said, "Hey, Matthais! How is this fanfic the worst. . . Huh? . . . Really? . . . You're serious? . . . Oh. . . . Wow. . . Well, okay. . . Thanks. . . Yeah. . . Oh boy, see ya."

Keldeo nodded, and Victini ended the call and left.

"Okay. . ." Keldeo said slowly, "It turns out that _Hypnotized Eevee_ was _not_ the worst Pokemon fanfic ever. Apparently, the actual fanfic is _so bad,_ that Matthais sent me that one to get me ready for it, because it turns out the actual fanfic is written by the same author. And now that I've reviewed that first one, Matthais is gonna send me the actual worst Pokemon fanfic ever."

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, okay then. I guess I'm ready for it now. Let's do this, I guess. Although this kinda seems a bit unnecessary."

Keldeo went to his Email inbox on his laptop and opened up the file Matthais had just sent him.

* * *

 _ **When fox get envy**_

 _By: arvinsharifzadeh_

 _After getting jealous of Eevee, Braixen set out to get her revenge._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Words: 1,900 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: Feb 14, 2016 - Status: Complete - id: 11788292_

* * *

"Oh boy, now _this_ looks like it's gonna be bad," Keldeo sighed, "Well, let's get right into it. This is _When fox get envy._ Seriously, he didn't even capitalize the title all the way. . ."

* * *

 _Bonnie said, "Hey Serena, can I ask you something?"_

 _Serena said, "Sure, what is it Bonnie?"_

 _Bonnie said, "I just couldn't figure out who is the cutest Pokemon. Is it Braixen or Eevee?"_

 _Serena said, "Well, that is a tough one."_

 _Clemont said, "Well, I would say that Eevee is more cuter than Braixen, because Eevee is shy and small."_

 _Ash said, "That doesn't mean Braixen can't be cute."_

 _Serena said, "Well, why don't we see it? Come on out Braixen and Eevee."_

 _Braixen and Eevee came out of their Pokeball._

 _Eevee said, "Um, hi Serena."_

 _Braixen said, "How it going?"_

 _Serena said, "I'm doing fine you two. Alright Ash, now you can figure out which of these Pokemon is the cutest."_

 _Ash said, "What? Why me? Bonnie is the one who asked who's the cutest."_

 _Serena said, "Fine. Let all vote to see who's the cutest. Does anybody have paper?"_

* * *

Keldeo had his _"not amused"_ face on as he said, "Really? They're actually going to vote on who's cuter? Even _guys_ know that doing stuff like that is a recipe for disaster! It's like calling a girl fat, or asking a woman about her age! You just _don't_ do it! It's like they _want_ Eevee and Braixen to fight! What, was Pancham and Braixen fighting all the time not enough? You want Braixen to fight more? You want to create a rivalry between Braixen and Eevee so she can fight more, you're a monster!"

* * *

 _So Dedenne went to Bonnie's bag to get papers. After that, Ash, Serena, Pikachu, Bonnie, Clemont, and Dedenne wrote down to see who is the cutest Pokemon. After they finished, they gave it to Serena to count._

* * *

"They didn't even let all of the Pokemon vote! How the hay is that fair or just? What kind of election excludes two thirds of the total population?!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _Pikachu said, "So Serena, who is the cutest Pokemon?"_

 _Serena said, "The cutest Pokemon is Eevee."_

 _Eevee said, "Me."_

 _Braixen said, "WHAT!"_

 _Clemont said, "Wow, I guess Eevee is more cuter than Braixen."_

 _Eevee said, "Aw, thanks."_

 _Braixen said, "Grrrr, let me see that paper."_

 _Braixen grabbed the paper and saw that she only had two vote and Eevee had four vote. She was shocked._

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAHHHHH!**_

 _ **The Hacker:** "ONLY. . . TWO. . . VOTES!?" **(1)**_

"Okay, judging from Ash's comment on Braixen earlier in the story, he probably voted for Braixen. The question is who the other vote belongs to- _what the hay am I talking about_ _ **, this whole thing is stupid and wrong!**_ " Keldeo exclaimed as he reared up on his hind legs and flailed his forelegs, "Did _none_ of them see how badly this could potentially hurt the loser's feelings! And it's even worse because Eevee and Braixen are _performers_! Cuteness is kinda their thing! Their careers depend upon it! Looking good in front of an audience is the reason why they're even traveling with Serena in the first place! Pulling a stupid cuteness contest like this could cause some major damage to the loser's confidence!"

Keldeo dropped back down on all fours and said with a frown, "And watch your grammar, Clemont! I'm surprised at you! Aren't you supposed to be the smart one?"

* * *

 _Serena said, "Sorry Braixen. You can still be the cutest fox Pokemon."_

 _Dedenne said, "Unless it was Vulpix."_

* * *

"Why is Dedenne a troll?" Keldeo asked flatly.

* * *

 _Braixen said, "Serena, after all I done for you, you betray me with that dumb Pokemon."_

 _Serena gasped and said, "How dare you called Eevee a dumb Pokemon?"_

* * *

 _ **Serena:**_ _"I mean, all I did was put you in a position where you'd be humiliated and labeled as inferior."_

"So Braixen gets separated from the group, and Serena, being the caring Trainer that she is, goes after her and tries to get her to calm-."

* * *

 _Serena said, "Don't worry Eevee. Braixen will get over with it soon."_

 _Eevee said, "I hope."_

* * *

Keldeo facehooves and says, "Or Serena could just be like _'oh, she'll get over it'_ and let her wander off on her own!"

Keldeo put his hoof down and said, "You know, I find it ironic, _in a bad, uncreative, annoying way,_ how that in this Alternate Universe where all Pokemon can talk speak human language, allowing Trainers to talk to their Pokemon directly, Serena and Braixen are having a serious lack of communication here!"

* * *

 _Meanwhile, Braixen was moping around the forest thinking about why Serena would love Eevee more than her._

 _Braixen said, "Man that woman. I can't believe she betrayed me with Eevee, just because she is cute and shy."_

 _As Braixen continued on moping, she finally had an idea._

 _Braixen said, "Wait, maybe if Eevee turned out to be a bad Pokemon, Serena will realized that she doesn't need her anymore and I will regain love again. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"_

* * *

"What's with all the maniacal laughter in this guy's stories?" Keldeo asked, "It's like all of Serena's Pokemon are turning into Fluttershy in the season one finale of My Little Pony _._ "

 _ **Fluttershy:**_ _"I'll catch you yet, my pretties. Oh yes. As soon as one of you little birds or monkeys or bears touches this net... you'll be mine! Mine! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_

* * *

 _Serena said, "Guys, I think I'm getting worry about Braixen. She been gone for awhile."_

 _Clemont said, "Actually, she only been gone for like five minute."_

 _Eevee said, "I just hope she's alright."_

 _Dedenne said, "Don't worry Eevee, I'm sure Braixen will come back soon."_

 _Ash said, "Then let keep searching."_

Keldeo nodded, "Well, okay, at least now they're concerned about her."

 _As they continued to search, Braixen was hiding behind the bushes. She took out her sling shot and shoot the pebbles between her ears._

 _Eevee said, "Ow, what the ****"_

 _The others gasped and Serena said, "What did you say Eevee?"_

 _Eevee said, "Um, nothing."_

 _Bonnie said, "I know what she said. She said..."_

 _Clemont said, "Alright Bonnie, I think we get the picture."_

 _So they continued to walk. Braixen was shocked to see it had failed_

* * *

". . . Wow," Keldeo said quietly, "Just. . . wow. . . I mean, where do I even start?"

"First of all, since when did Braixen have a slingshot? Did she put a rubber band on the forked end of her branch to make one? That'd actually be clever, but that's not what the story says! It just says she took out her slingshot which she got from. . . Hammerspace? Huh?"

"Second, WHY DID EEVEE SWEAR!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "It makes no sense?! Why would a cute, innocent, Eevee who spent her whole life dancing alone in the forest now a word like that, let alone say it?"

"Third, how could Braixen have _possibly_ known that Eevee was going to swear when she hit her with the slingshot? Did Braixen teach her the swear word earlier? If so, that just brings up even more questions!"

"Fourth, Bonnie just lost a pretty big chunk of her innocence, and we're supposed to take it as a joke! NO!"

Keldeo sprayed himself in the face with water from his right forehoof. He put his hoof down and shook the water out of his hair. "Okay. . ." he said, "What does Braixen do next?"

* * *

 _Braixen went to grab a rock and she climb up the tree. By the time they got under the tree, Braixen dropped the rock on Ash._

 _Ash said, "OW!"_

 _Serena said, "Oh my goodness Ash. Are you okay?"_

 _Ash said, "Yeah. Just fine."_

 _Bonnie said, "Where did it comes from?"_

 _Clemont said, "Up in the tree I guess."_

 _Eevee said, "Hmm, maybe it was Braixen, if you think it was her."_

 _Serena said, "Now Eevee, it not nice to judge someone."_

 _Eevee said, "I guess so."_

 _Clemont said, "Well let keep going."_

 _Ash said, "Right."_

 _Braixen jaws dropped as the plan failed._

* * *

"What plan!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "You couldn't have been trying to frame Eevee, because Eevee clearly wasn't up in the tree. Were you trying to get Eevee to accuse you so Serena could get mad at her for judging someone which she kinda did, although it was more like a gentle teaching moment, but what else would it be, and Eevee's kinda justified in suspecting you, and how could you have predicted she'd blame you- _Biscuits! It's like a riddle you'd use to deactivate a robot!_ "

 _ **GLaDOS:**_ _"THIS SENTENCE IS_ _ **FALSE**_ _! Don't think about it, don't think about it."_

* * *

 _Braixen said, "Aw, dammit. Hmm, maybe I need to do something that Serena can make a blame for Eevee forever. Then later, I'll be the only cutest Pokemon around, MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"_

* * *

"Braixen, you don't sound cool. You sound like an idiot," Keldeo grumbled.

* * *

 _So Braixen went to unleash her next evil plan. Meanwhile, Ash and his friends made it to the Pokemon Center. They went in to see Nurse Joy._

* * *

"Oh, that's nice! They just gave up on looking for Braixen and went to the Pokemon Center to eat a good meal!" Keldeo said in disgust.

* * *

 _Clemont said, "Well, we are getting kind of hungry."_

 _Pikachu said, "I guess we can spring for the meal."_

* * *

"Pikachu, what are you talking about? Are you gonna pay for it? Since when did you have any money to spring for anything?" Keldeo asked in annoyance.

"Well, it turns out that Braixen's plan is to sneak into the Pokemon Center, steal some empty Pokeballs, and frame Eevee for it in order to get her thrown in jail or something."

* * *

 _When she went inside, she went to find Eevee and placed the Pokeball right behind her. Eevee didn't notice anything. Braixen went back outside and said, "Yes, mission completed. Now Eevee will be the first ever known Pokemon to be arrested and Serena will be mine, MINE! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"_

* * *

 _ **Tex Richman:**_ _"Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh!"_ _ **(2)**_

* * *

 _Back at the front desk, Nurse Joy went to the storage to pick up a new Pokeball for the new Pokemon. When she got to the storage, she notice that the Pokeball was missing. She gasped and hold a lockdown on the entire Pokemon Center. She made an announcement at the speaker and said, "Attention Pokemon trainer, some thief have stole the Pokeball from the storage building. Repeat, stole the Pokeball from the storage building."_

 _Serena said, "Missing Pokeball."_

* * *

"So. . . Serena decided to just sit with a straight face and say in a flat, emotionless voice, ' _missing Pokeball'_?" Keldeo asked, looking like he was seriously stressed out at this point, "I . . . I just. . . I don't even. . . Ugh!"

* * *

 _The gang gasped and saw that Eevee had the Pokeball right behind her. Eevee looked at the others and they were staring at her._

 _Eevee said, "Uh, why are you all staring at me like that?"_

 _Serena said, "Let me handle it. Eevee, did you steal those Pokeball?"_

 _Eevee said, "What Pokeball?"_

 _Serena said, "The one right behind you."_

 _Eevee turned around and gasped. She said, "What? I didn't steal all those Pokeball."_

 _Ash said, "You didn't."_

 _Clemont said, "Hmm, if I remember correctly. I think Eevee is being frame."_

 _Pikachu said, "Frame, by who?"_

 _Dedenne said, "Well, it can't be Team Rocket. They're too dumb to pull this one off."_

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, Dedenne probably was never told about the Ghost Train incident in Unova, so I'll let him off the hook this time."

"Anyway, turns out Serena is smart enough to deduce that Braixen is trying to frame Eevee out of jealousy, and the group somehow manages to instantly find Braixen this time. Why? Because the plot demands it, of course!"

* * *

 _Serena said, "BRAIXEN!"_

 _Braixen said, "Huh?"_

 _Braixen turned around and saw Serena and the others._

 _Braixen said, "Well, well, well, look who we have here."_

* * *

 _ **Mr. Boogie Ooogie:**_ _"Santa Claus, huh? Ohhh, I'm really scared!" **(3)**_

* * *

 _Serena said, "How dare you stole all of those Pokeball just to frame Eevee?"_

 _Braixen said, "Grrrr, because she keeps getting in my way. Always being the cutest and everything. Well I hate it."_

 _Clemont said, "Alright, let all calm down."_

 _Serena said, "Don't you tell me to calm down."_

 _Ash said, "Serena listen, it might be a misunderstanding."_

 _Serena said, "But it not. Braixen is a total jerk to Eevee."_

 _Braixen gasped. Serena got shocked and said, "Whoops. I guess I shouldn't have say that."_

 _Pikachu said, "Yeah, maybe you shouldn't."_

 _Braixen got even madder and she uses flamethrower on Serena. Ash quickly save Serena before it hit her._

 _Serena said, "Oh, thanks Ash."_

 _Ash said, "No problem Serena."_

* * *

"I'm not saying anything," Keldeo said quickly.

* * *

 _Eevee said, "Braixen please, think about what you're doing."_

* * *

Keldeo's eyebrows raised in interest and he said in a slightly more invested tone of voice, "Okay, here it comes. The climax. It's all up to Eevee. She's either gonna have to battle Braixen, or somehow talk it out. Here we go."

* * *

 _Braixen said, "Who cares. I want to travel with Serena, but not with you."_

 _Eevee said, "But Braixen, just because I'm the cute one, doesn't mean you can."_

 _Pikachu said, "Yeah, you can be another type of cuteness."_

 _Dedenne said, "Like you can say that you're the cutest fox Pokemon."_

 _Braixen said, "Aw, how cute."_

* * *

"Wait, WHAT!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "What just happened? How did Braixen change back to being nice that fast? I didn't skip anything, that's _exactly_ what happens! They barely said anything to her! They didn't even apologize yet, and now Braixen is like. . . what is she even saying here, I'm so confused right now!"

* * *

 _Eevee said, "Look Braixen, I'm sorry if I got in your way by being too cute."_

 _Braixen said, "And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have try to frame you."_

 _So Braixen gave Eevee a big hug."_

 _Ash said, "Well then, it look like that they all made up."_

 _Bonnie said, "How cute."_

* * *

"Why is Eevee apologizing! Shouldn't the humans be apologizing for starting this whole cuteness contest thing to begin with! Speaking of which, Serena never apologizes for anything! Great!" Keldeo shouted in frustration, "That's it. I'm done. Pikachu puts the stolen Pokeballs into a bush and acts like he just found them there, Nurse Joy puts them back, and that's pretty much it. The end."

Keldeo hung his head low and said, "Aw man, that was even worse than the first one! Eevee is all wrong, Serena is all wrong, and Braixen is _insane!_ You could've had Braixen actually antagonize Eevee in a clever way, or try to blame her for actual problems in a sly fox manner. But instead you had throwing rocks and swearing! And the other characters were completely useless!"

"If we were gonna have the Trainers be dumb enough to go through with this horrible cuteness contest, couldn't have we had Bunnelby campaigning vehemently for Eevee being the cutest Pokemon in the whole world, maybe Chespin could try to campaign harder than Bunnelby to get Eevee to like him. A lot of people like to ship Frogadier or Greninja and Braixen together, maybe he could try to get everyone to see Braixen as the cute one, or maybe try to cheer her up or talk her out of her revenge plans! Maybe he could have been the one to make her feel better and convinced her to apologize to Eevee."

"And, most importantly, _why did Serena never tell Braixen that she loved her and Eevee equally!_ For all we know, maybe Briaxen was right and Serena really _does_ love Eevee more!"

Keldeo sighed and said with a tone of disappointment rather than anger, "But even with all of these flaws. . .I honestly can't call this the worst Pokemon fanfic ever. I mean, _Toadettegirl2012's_ stories are way worse than this! _Two Much H20, A Different Kind of Princess, Operation Winter Can Be Fun,_ now _those_ are bad. So, I can't understand why Matthais-."

Keldeo's phone was ringing again, and Victini flew over with it to hold it up to Keldeo's ear.

"Matthais? . . . Yeah, I knew it, now listen! How. . . What? . . . Seriously!. . . Come on, how bad could it be? Why do I- Hello? Hello!?"

Keldeo frowned and turned to Victini. Victini just shrugged and floated there.

Keldeo grumbled a bit, and he turned back to the camera and said, "Well, it turns out that second fanfic was just preparation too! Apparently, this fanfic is _so_ bad that I needed to review _two_ other bad fanfics by the same author first just to get ready for it!"

Keldeo stomped his forehooves and said, "Okay, this is ridiculous! Why do I have to-?"

Keldeo was interrupted by the sound of an approaching electric motor. He looked upwards and saw a midsized black drone carrying a small black cubical box about 3 cubic inches in volume. The drone hovered about 6 feet above the ground, and then dropped the box before flying away.

The small box landed right in front of Keldeo, and he saw that there were pentagrams on the four sides and lid of the box. Keldeo nervously touched the box with his right forehoof, and the lid suddenly popped off in a burst of fire.

"GAAAHHHH!" Keldeo shouted as he stumbled back. Flames and spoke came spewing out of the box. Victini flew in close to Keldeo's face and hugged him round the neck for comfort as he shook with fear.

Eventually, the flames and smoke died down, and all way quiet. Keldeo tentatively approached the box, with Victini still clinging to him. Keldeo saw that within the box was a single, solitary, ordinary looking black flash drive; and in spite of all the flames and smoke that had shot out of the box, the flash drive was completely untouched and still looked brand new.

Victini laughed nervously and said, "Heh, heh, heh. Nice knowing you, Keldeo." He then let go of the Colt Pokemon and flew off as fast as he could.

"Help me," Keldeo said in a small voice.

* * *

 _ **We'll be right back!**_


	10. Just For Fun Trailer- 1

_**A/N:**_ _Hi there! I actually LOVE writing previews or trailers for not only the fanfics I plan to write, but just for any story that pops into my head, even if I never actually write it out. In that case, I just do them for fun and never publish them. However, the horrible portrayal of Serena and here Pokemon in these fanfics I'm reviewing, along with the fact that I just recently bore witnessed to that horrible trailer for the movie Show Dogs, spurred me to edit and rewrite this old trailer I first wrote a while ago. Now, I highly doubt I'm ever gonna actually write this story. This really is just for fun, and I plan on making more Just For Fun trailers to put in between parts of long reviews in the future. However, ya never know! Maybe one of the trailers I put up as filler for Keldeo the Critic will bear some fruit. I guess we'll just have to wait and see! But for now, please enjoy this fun little idea that popped into my head while you wait for Part 2 of the review!_

* * *

 _The following PREVEIW has been rated_ _ **JFF**_ _for_ _ **Just For Fun**_

* * *

A bird's eye view of the Hoenn region provided a great view of the incredible volcano Mt. Chimney in the northwest and the massive Sootopolis crater in the southeast.

Zooming in towards the Hoenn Airport, Serena walked out confidently as she beheld a Hoenn City with her own eyes for the very first time.

"And to my own way" she said confidently.

* * *

Serena tossed out her three Pokeballs, and Braixen, Pancham, and Sylveon all came out with bright eyes and excited smiles.

"We'll become the very best in Pokemon Contests, and then return to take on the Master Class Showcase!" Serena declared.

Her Pokemon all cheered.

* * *

As Serena and her Pokemon traveled down one of the Hoenn Routes, Serena remarked, "Who knows what friends and rivals we'll meet on _this_ journey."

* * *

A truck with a familiar red "R' on the side suddenly crashed out of the forest and skidded across the Route. The truck would have struck Serena had Sylveon not quickly pulled her Trainer back with her ribbons. Serena was frozen with her hands up and a look of wide eyed terror on her face as she stood with Sylveon's ribbons wrapped around her waist.

 _"Already_ with the danger?" Serena said with a trembling voice.

Meanwhile, a pink haired woman wearing a dark purple dress with a star belt buckle, light purple gloves, and brown cloak and hat ran through the forest with a look of desperation on her face.

The mysterious woman burst out of the trees and pointed at the disabled, smoking truck as she angrily demanded, "Let go of my Pokemon right now!"

Cassidy leaned out of the left side of the truck's cab and said, "To infect the world with devastation!"

Butch leaned out of the right side and said, "To blight all people in every nation!"

Serena and her Pokemon all had deadpanned expressions in response to this.

"Seriously?" Serena remarked, and she nodded to her Pokemon.

Swift, Dark Pulse, and Fire Blast all struck the cab of the truck simultaneously, blowing it up and sending Butch and Cassidy flying.

* * *

Serena opened the back of the truck, and a Murkrow and a Hoothoot looked out excitedly from within their cages.

* * *

The cloaked woman hugged her freed Pokemon, smiling gleefully. She then bowed gracefully and said to Serena, "Ooh, a thousand thankyous."

She twirled around, waving her hands mysteriously as she said, "I am Lily, the Pokemon Magician of Kanto. Allow me to repay your kindness."

Serena just smiled kindly and said, "Oh, you don't have to. I'm just glad to-."

"I won't take no for an answer!" Lily said as she held her arms up high and her cloak flared out behind her in a powerful magical breeze.

Sylveon shuddered fearfully and stood closer to a wide-eyed Serena. Sylveon wrapped her ribbons around her trainer's arm as the wind got louder and stronger. Braixen shivered and held her branch close, also a little spooked by Lily's display. Pancham just folded his arms and tapped his foot, looking rather unimpressed by the magician's theatrics.

The was a flash of lightning as Lily brought her arms down, swiping her hat off of her head and bending over double. She then stood up straight again, and smiled as she held out her hat to Serena and her Pokemon as everything became clam and quiet again.

"A _special_ treat for your Pokemon," Lily said as she showed them three star shaped cakes inside her hat. Each cake had the colors and symbols of one of the three Pokemon's Types: Fire, Dark, and Fairy.

* * *

Sylveon sniffed her cake suspiciously as Serena held it out to her. "Go on," Serena said gently, urging her Pokemon to taste the treat.

Everyone turned to see that Pancham had swallowed his cake whole and was giving each of his paw digits a quick suck, showing his profound approval with the treat.

Braixen took a bite of her cake and cried out in happiness before digging into the rest of it.

Sylveon gave her cake a lick and took in the taste. She then proceeded to messily gobble up the cake, causing Serena to stare at Sylveon in surprise.

Pancham grinned and gave a nod of approval.

Sylveon chewed and swallowed her mouthful of cake and gave a blushing smile.

* * *

With Hoothoot and Murkrow perched on her shoulders, Lily gave a mischievous smile to the group and waved goodbye.

"Remember. . . they were _special_. . ." Lilly said mysteriously.

* * *

It was night time, and Serena and her Pokemon were in a room at a Pokemon Center. Serena was sitting on the edge of her bed as she said, "Well, I don't know about magic, but I guess Lily's a good baker, judging from how much you liked those treats."

"Oh, your Pokepuffs are still the best, Serena!" Braixen suddenly said aloud as Sylveon and Pancham nodded in agreement.

Serena cried out in fear and crawled backwards onto the bed, all the while staring at Braixen with wide eyes.

Pancham quickly looked all around the room, his fists clenched and ready to fight as he asked, "What? What happened? What is it?"

"Are you okay Serena?" Sylveon asked, looking concerned as she put her forepaws onto the bed, intending on jumping up onto it to calm Serena down.

"You. . . you all can . . . t-," Serena stammered out before her eyes rolled upwards and she fell backwards off the other side of the bed, fainting even before she hit the floor.

* * *

After moving Serena and placing her back on the bed, Braixen stared at her unconscious trainer with a very worried look. "We have to wake her up! But none of us knows Wake Up Slap! GREAT!" she said, clearly starting to panic as she gestured frantically with her arms.

Sylveon stepped boldly between Serena and her two partners. She held up a forepaw and said seriously, "Braixen, stand back. I've got this."

Sylveon turned towards Serena and stepped forward, and then she began gently run the ends of her ribbons under Serena's chin, nose, and ears. "C'mon. C'mon. Wake up, Serena. . ." Sylveon said in a soft tone of voice.

Pancham stared at Sylveon with a look of disbelief, then he pulled a deadpanned expression and said, " _'Stand back. I've got this,'_ she says."

Braixen gently tweaked Sylveon's right ear, and then nudged her out of the way.

"Uh-huh. Very cute. Now, let's get serious!" Braixen exclaimed. She then whipped her branch out of her tail quickly, and the tip of it lit up with a small flame. Braixen immediately blew it out, which sent a small plume of smoke into Serena's face.

Serena coughed and moaned as she slowly began to regain consciousness.

"One side, one side," Pancham said impatiently as he pushed his was in between the other two Pokemon.

"HEY!" Braixen shouted when Pancham snatched her branch out of her paw.

"Look, you girls just be quiet, okay. Let me take charge here," Pancham said, then he jumped onto the bed looked at Serena, who was slowly opening her eyes. He smirked as he held the branch out in front of him, waving it under Serena's nose. "Good thing _I_ was here to bring you out of that!" Pancham boasted with a proud look on his face, "That's right! Me! I-."

Serena's eyes snapped open and she let out a frightened scream, rolling right off of the bed. Sylveon responded to Serena's scream with a scream of her own.

Pancham threw the branch down in frustration and plugged his ears with his paws. He exclaimed, "What the heck is with you-?!"

"Careful with that!" Braixen shouted nervously as she quickly picked up her branch off of the floor and gently caressed it, checking it for any damages. "It's okay. . . I'm here," she whispered to it.

"Oh, Arceus. . ." Pancham remarked dryly.

* * *

"Those cakes," Serena said in amazement as she slowly got up off of the floor, "They made you talk."

"Um, no. Nothing makes me do anything," Pancham said in a voice rife with attitude, "They gave me the option of talking."

"WE LOVE YOU, SERENA!" Sylveon and Braixen chorused as they jumped in between Pancham and Serena.

Pancham suddenly found himself watching the three females snuggle and laugh with tears of joy streaming down their faces, the three of them unable to speak due to emotional overload.

"I'm starting to _really_ miss Chespin right about now," Pancham grumbled as he folded his arms and turned away.

* * *

A small cubic helicopter device with a camera lens on it hovered outside the window of the room.

"Three . . . talking. . . Pokemon," Cassidy said in amazement as she and Butch watched the camera feed on their laptop.

"And they're strong and smart, not like that idiot Meowth that hangs around Jessie and James," Butch said, clearly harboring bitter feelings for the trio.

"If we give those Pokemon to the boss, we'll finally be back on top, not that idiotic trio!" Cassidy sneered.

* * *

The next morning, Serena stood in the doorway and said, "Okay, we should probably keep this secret. We don't want too much attention."

With wide eyes, Braixen replied in shock, "There's such a thing as too much attention?"

This earned a sideways glance from Pancham.

* * *

As the group walked onward, Pancham put his paws on the back of his head and said, " _Whatever_ language we speak, it's gonna be an endurance for me to travel with around Hoenn with only girls who are afraid to get dirty for company."

Braixen stuck her nose up into the air and said indignantly, "Hmph! I resent that remar-EWW!" Braixen suddenly stopped in her tracks and stumbled backwards as she stepped in a mud puddle. She held her foot up as she bumped into Sylveon beside her, causing the Fairy-type to stumbled into another mud puddle nearby.

"Ick!" Sylveon shouted as both her left paws sunk deep into the wet mud. Immediately her right legs went up to avoid treading in the mud as well. However, this left her unbalanced, and she grabbed Braixen's forearm with her ribbons in order to stop her fall. However, this only ended up pulling Braixen down with her.

"No, no, no!" Braixen said in panic as she and Sylveon splashed into the mud.

Serena sweatdropped as she stared at Braixen and Sylveon, both of them muddy.

Pancham turned to Serena and said, "See what the only male in the group has to put up with?"

* * *

Out on the road, a girl a little older than Serena and accompanied by a younger boy with glasses smiled at Serena and her Pokemon and said cheerfully, "Hi there! I'm May! And this is my brother Max!"

"Hey there," Max said with a smile as he adjusted his glasses, causing them to flash mysteriously.

"Ralts ralts!" said a Ralts that stood behind Max.

* * *

"Well then, I guess we're Pokemon Contest rivals!" Serena said eagerly.

"Sure! And friends too, I hope!" May replied.

* * *

May's Glaceon stepped over to Sylveon and looked her over.

"Syl! Sylv sylveon!" Sylveon said with a friendly smile.

Glaceon smirked and pointed at Sylveon ribbons, laughing as she replied, "Glace Glace Glaceon? Glaceon!"

Sylveon gasped, and her face flushed with anger as she replied loudly, "Oh, so you think my ribbons are ridiculous, do you? Well, have you just never noticed how pointless your two little dangles are?"

As Glaceon's eyes widened with disbelief, Sylveon's eyes widened in horror. She looked around slowly at the jaw dropped faces of Max, May, and their Pokemon. Serena had a hand over her mouth, Braixen was wringing her hands, and Pancham was face palming hard.

"Um. . . Sylve Sylv?" Sylveon said meekly with a forced smile.

* * *

"Oh, we are _gonna_ catch those talking Pokemon!" Cassidy shouted as her Sableye clashed with Pancham.

"Sylveon, look out for Biff's Mightyena!" Serena called out.

"Don't you mean Batch?" Sylveon said in a nervous tone as Migthyena advanced on her.

"I thought it was Buck?" Braixen offered.

"It's Burgh, right?" Max said.

"No, it's Bob," May corrected.

"You guys all got it wrong, it's Bach!" Pancham said impatiently as he held back the flailing Sableye with Arm Thrust.

"IT'S _BUUUUUUUUTCH!_ " Butch shouted to the heavens in a rage.

* * *

Serena hung her head sadly and said, "Look what we got you all into."

May patted Serena's hand and said kindly, "It's okay. We're friends, aren't we?"

* * *

May's Blaziken bumped fists with Braixen as Wartortle and Venusaur smiled and nodded in approval.

Pancham found himself in the middle of a group hug with Munchlax and Ralts. Pancham just frowned in embarrassment and rolled his eyes at first, but then gave a half smile as he began to enjoy it in spite of himself, all while Max looked on and smiled happily.

Beautifly landed gently on Sylveon's back, much to her delight. Sylveon laughed prettily as Skitty played with her flowing ribbons.

* * *

Serena smiled warmly and shook hands with May. "Yes, of course we're friends," she said.

* * *

 _ **STARRING:**_

 _ **Tabitha St. Germain . . .**_

Braixen sniffed her branch, a loving smile on her face, and she sighed and said, "Ahhh. . . I just love the smell of my branch in the morning. . ." Braixen motioned and counted off with her free paw and said, "It's 3 parts friendship, 2 parts campfire, 1 part forest, and a dash of love."

* * *

 _ **. . . Samuel Vincent Khouth . . .**_

Pancham fell to his knees and cried out emotionally, "You girls mean everything to me! You put up with me even though I complain, and I criticize you, and I smell-."

"Smell?" Sylveon echoed with a tilted head in confusion.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I'm a guy, aren't I?" Pancham said as if were obvious.

"That's kinda sexist," Braixen pointed out.

Pancham facepalmed and grumbled, "And the moment's dead."

* * *

 _ **. . . and YouTube star Courtney (ProjectSNT) as Sylveon.**_

Sylveon smiled giddily, her ribbons flowing as she said to Serena, "Oh, don't worry, Serena. I don't _hate_ Glaceon. She's great! I just wanna hug her and squeeze her and wrap my ribbons around her icy body so tightly that her _eyes pop out of their sockets._ "

When Sylveon saw the look of shock and disbelief on Serena's face, the Eeveelution's blue eyes widened and she said, "Umm . . . I have no idea where that came from."

Pancham leaned in and said, "She has her ribbons crossed!"

"Be quiet," Sylveon hissed while still looking at Serena and smiling sweetly.

* * *

 _ **Serena In Hoenn**_

* * *

Serena and her Pokemon were in their tent, ready to turn in for the night. As Serena unrolled her sleeping bag, Pancham pointed at Sylveon and said, "Hey, Serena. Now that we can all speak your language, it might be a good idea to put Sylveon in her ball. If you wanna get a good night's sleep tonight, that is."

"Huh? What?" Serena asked as Braixen stared at Pancham with a look of disapproval, while Sylveon just looked confused.

"She'll keep you up all night with her sleep-talking," Pancham said clarified simply, "Not the _move._ She just talks. . . in her sleep. . . really, she does."

Serena chuckled as she turned to the now slightly embarrassed Sylveon and said, "Aw. You talk in your sleep? That's kinda cute."

"Well. . ." Braixen said awkwardly, looking left and right and anywhere but at Sylveon.

"What is it?" Serena asked Braixen, picking up on her nervous tone.

"She narrates her Bunnelby dreams," Pancham remarked with a smirk.

"I _WHAT!?_ " Sylveon shrieked, her face burning red with mortification.

Pancham made kissy faces as he clasped his paws dreamily and said in his best imitation of Sylveon's voice, "' _Mwah, mwah, mwah! I wuv you, Bunnelby! Mwah, mwah! Aw, you think I'm a princess? Well, you're my knight in shining-'_ OWW!"

Pancham was knocked flat by a pillow thrown by Braixen.

"Okay. . . I guess I kinda deserved that," Pancham moaned.

Serena sighed and wondered out loud, "Is this what being a mom is like?"


	11. THE WORST POKEMON FANFIC EVER Part 2

**Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Three: WORST POKEMON FANFIC EVER**

Keldeo stood firmly wearing a frown. He was silent for a long moment, only occasionally blinking his eyes as he was seemingly lost in thought.

Eventually, he swallowed the lump in his throat, and he said, "Okay. . . here it is. . . the worst Pokemon fanfic ever. . ."

Keldeo held up a forehoof and said, "But first, let me take a quote from my _Palace Pets_ review."

* * *

 _"Now, I know all of you are thinking of fanfics you've read that are worse than this. Like_ _Goodbye Pikachu I'll Miss You_ _by_ _TheShinyEevee._ _Well, let me ask you something. Is the fanfic filled with horrible grammar? Does the fanfic have sex, drugs, gender swapping, violence, bestiality, disgusting moments, and other examples of filth and immorality in it? Sure, fanfics like_ _Rainbow Factory, Cupcakes,_ _and_ _The Spiderses_ _are obviously worse_ _._ _But that's because they're either made to troll the reader or are just morally wrong."_

" _The fact that this story can be_ _this bad_ _without having anything offensive in it might even make this story even_ _worse_ _than the others I mentioned."_

 _"It's like this: when Limburger cheese smells bad, that's good because it's_ _supposed_ _to smell bad. But when_ _cheddar_ _cheese smelled as bad as Limburger, then something is seriously wrong."_

* * *

Keldeo nodded and said, "With that in mind, let's get this over with. . . _Fennekin of evil._ "

* * *

 _ **Fennekin of evil**_

 _By: arvinsharifzadeh_

 _After Serena have yelled at Fennekin, she decided to get her revenge._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst - Words: 4,979 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: Oct 25, 2015 - Status: Complete - id: 11579241_

* * *

"The title isn't fully capitalized, the synopsis is way too short and has bad grammar, couldn't this story at least wait until you actually start reading it before being awful!?" Keldeo complained in annoyance.

* * *

 _At the meadow, Ash, Serena, Clemont, Bonnie, and all of the Pokemon are having a meal._

 _Ash said, "Man, this food is great."_

 _Serena said, "Thanks, it my newest recipe."_

 _Bonnie said, "Hey guys, I have a theory."_

 _Ash said, "What is it Bonnie?"_

 _Bonnie said, "Well, everybody knows that regular fox and bunny are sworn enemies right."_

 _Clemont said, "Yeah that could be true, why?"_

 _Bonnie said, "Well, what if Fennekin wanted to eat Bunnelby?"_

* * *

 _ **Narrator:**_ _"Little did she know that this simple, seemingly innocuous question would result in everyone's imminent death."_

"Wait, what did you say, narrator form _Stanger Than Fiction_?" Keldeo exclaimed in alarm, "What are you talking about? I mean, this story couldn't get _that_ bad- oh wait, _worst Pokemon fanfic ever. . ._ "

Keldeo deflated and said somberly, "Oh my gosh, I just hope this doesn't go _Zuma's Fear_ on us."

* * *

 _Serena said, "Now what makes you say that?"_

 _Bonnie said, "I'm just saying that foxes are predator you know."_

* * *

Keldeo suddenly stood up straight and said with panic filled wide eyes. "Don't talk like that! That kind of thinking leads to _this!_ " Keldeo exclaimed in fear.

Victini suddenly flew in holding up a picture of the cover of nicolaswildes' comic _Zistopia_.

Keldeo took a quick glance at the picture, but then did a double take and shouted, "GAH! What are you doing with that profanity laced _thing!_ I told you to get a picture of Dawn Bellwether holding the Nighthowler Gun!"

"But nicolaswildes' racist animal hell sells the point better!" Victini argued.

"Will you GET OUT OF HERE!" Keldeo shouted furiously, causing Victini to quickly fly away.

Keldeo furrowed his brow and said, "This is a plot. This is a plot. This whole thing is a plot to drive me insane! And I haven't even gotten to the really bad part of this fanfic yet!"

* * *

 _Clemont said, "You know, it does feel similar to Meowth from Team Rocket who are trying to capture Pikachu. It could be that cats chase mice."_

 _Ash said, "Yeah, but I don't think Meowth would wanna eat Pikachu. Beside, Jessie and James wouldn't like that."_

 _They all began to laughed cheerfully._

* * *

"Ha-ha-ha! Yeah! Meowth killing Pikachu and consuming his bloody flesh! That's funny!" Keldeo shouted loudly.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

* * *

 _Fennekin look confused._

 _Fennekin said, "Hey Pikachu, can a fox really eat bunnies?"_

 _Pikachu said, "Don't worry Fennekin. Not all foxes eat bunnies."_

 _Bunnelby said, "Beside, I don't think you would wanna taste something so dirty."_

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _"*Mwah*! Goodnight everybody!"_

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Well, I don't think me and Bunnelby would have a problem."_

 _Pancham said, "You wish."_

 _Fennekin said, "Oh really."_

 _Pikachu said, "Now guys, let settle down."_

* * *

"What's Pancham trying to do here?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "Why exactly do they need to settle down? Does Pancham _want_ Fennekin to eat Bunnelby, or is he just being a jerk for no apparent reason?"

* * *

 _Froakie said, "Hey, here an idea, how about if Fennekin and Bunnelby have a Pokemon battle?"_

 _Bunnelby said, "Hey, that a great idea."_

 _Pikachu said, "I'll go get Ash."_

* * *

"Oh no, it's _when fox get envy_ all over again!" Keldeo shouted, "Is _'characters spell their own doom even though it's obvious that what they are doing is a bad idea'_ a running theme in this author's fanfics?"

"So, yeah, Fennekin and Bunnelby have their battle, and then _this_ happens."

* * *

 _Clemont said, "Bunnelby, use mud shot."_

 _So when Fennekin use quick attack, Bunnelby quickly use mud shot on Fennekin. Fennekin fell._

 _Clemont said, "Ha, it look likes another victory for me."_

 _Serena said, "Fennekin, are you alright?"_

 _Fennekin opened her eyes and look furiously at Bunnelby. She slip off of Serena's arm and started chasing Bunnelby. Bunnelby started running away."_

* * *

"Fennekin, you've gotten dirty before," Keldeo said in annoyance, "And this is a Pokemon battle! Unless a Water-type is involved, you're kinda guaranteed to get dirty!"

* * *

 _So Fennekin quickly grabbed Bunnelby._

 _Bunnelby said, "Uh Fennekin, what are you going to do with me?"_

 _Fennekin said, "Grrrr, I'm going to do what no Pokemon have done before."_

 _So Fennekin started biting Bunnelby. Ash and the other were in shocked._

 _Serena said, "FENNEKIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"_

 _Fennekin looked at Serena and went back to biting Bunnelby._

 _Clemont said, "Hey, don't bite my Bunnelby."_

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _"*Mwah*! Goodnight everybody!"_

"If we need to use an Innuendo Counter, I am going to _scream_ ," Keldeo said a tone rife with frustration.

* * *

 _Serena said, "Fennekin, I cannot believe you would bite Bunnelby like that. Just because you're a fox, doesn't mean you get to bite him."_

 _Fennekin quickly use flamethrower on Bunnelby, but accidently use it on Serena. Serena gasped and said, "Alright that it, from now on you are not allow to come out of your Pokeball."_

 _Fennekin gasped. Serena tried getting Fennekin to her Pokeball, but Fennekin quickly ran away._

* * *

Keldeo looked relatively unsurprised, and he said, "Yeah, I saw this coming. I suppose that now Serena is just going to let Fennekin run off like in _when fox get envy,_ and wait five minutes before going after-."

* * *

 _Bonnie said, "Hey, where is Fennekin going?"_

 _Serena said, "Leave her. It her fault anyway."_

 _Ash said, "You mean, you're not gonna go find her."_

 _Serena said, "Nope, if she won't go into her Pokeball, then they're no reason to go after her."_

 _Pikachu and the other were in shocked._

 _Clemont said, "But Serena, you can't just leave Fennekin."_

 _Serena said, "Oh yes I can."_

* * *

Keldeo growled and stomped his hooves angrily, "Oh! Okay! Or Serena can just completely break character and abandon her _starter Pokemon_!"

"So literally _everyone but Serena_ goes out to look for Fennekin. Meanwhile, Fennekin runs into Meowth."

* * *

 _So Fennekin went to see what she saw and notice that she found Meowth. Meowth quickly saw the twerp Fennekin._

 _Meowth gasped and said, "It the twerp Fennekin."_

* * *

 _ **GLaDOS:**_ _"Well, this is the part where he kills us."_

 _ **Wheatley:**_ _"Hello! This is the part where I kill you."_

 _ **Chapter 9:**_ _The Part Where He Kills You_

* * *

 _Meowth said, "What are you doing here all alone?"_

 _Fennekin said, "None of your business."_

 _Meowth said, "Hey chill. Just tell me what wrong."_

 _Fennekin looked at Meowth and then she burst into tear. She said, "Serena yelled at me, because I accidently bite Bunnelby, after he use mud shot at me. Then I heard that Serena didn't want me anymore."_

 _Meowth was shocked and said, "Oh you poor thing."_

 _Fennekin said, "What am I gonna do?"_

 _Meowth said, "Well, you could join up to Team Rocket."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Ya know what? Why not!? Seriously, why not! She might as well join up with Jessie, James, and Meowth! Serena literally abandoned Fennekin instead of helping her out of her case of. . . _Bellwetheritis. . ._ or stupidity, I'm not sure which. Anyway, Jessie and James have shown _waaaaay_ more love to their Pokemon in the anime than the Serena in this fanfic has shown Fennekin! James has used food to bond with his Yamask and Inkay, and he always puts up with the rather painful ways his Pokemon have of showing their love for him. Jessie loved her Dustox even when she wanted a Beautifly, and she has a strong bond with her Gourgeist. Plus, the Trio aren't really _that_ evil, and could probably go straight if they tried. They're good cooks, that's something!"

Keldeo became excited and said, "Hey! Maybe Fennekin could convince them all to stop doing bad stuff and instead go into business helping neglected and abandoned Pokemon all over the world and-."

Keldeo stopped in mid-sentence and quickly knocked his right forehoof against his forehead. "Ugh. Stop it, Keldeo. Focus on the abomination in front of you."

Keldeo then let out a whine and said, "Speaking of said abomination, _why is it making me sympathize with the bad guys over the good guys!_ "

"So Meowth takes Fennekin-."

* * *

 _Meowth gasped and said, "It the twerp Fennekin."_

* * *

"- _whatever,_ to Jessie and James. Meanwhile, Pikachu and the Pokemon are still looking for her."

* * *

 _Pikachu said, "Fennekin."_

 _Pancham said, "Where are you?"_

 _Froakie said, "Come out, come out where ever you are."_

 _Bunnelby said, "This is all my fault. I should've defend Fennekin and now she is gone."_

* * *

"Yeah! You should have told everyone that you liked being bitten!" Keldeo said with a slam of his right forehoof.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-Test Complete."_

"And, wait a minute, isn't Bite a Pokemon move? What's the difference between the _move_ Bite and the biting Braixen did?" Keldeo asked in utter confusion. He groaned and facehoofed with his right forehoof as he said, "Ugh! This just makes Serena look even _worse._ Is there any other character that this author can get so blatantly wrong?"

* * *

 _Pancham said, "So, how are we gonna find Fennekin?"_

 _Chespin said, "Hehehehehehehe! Once again the future is now thanks to science. With my very own Fennekin robot."_

* * *

 _ **"WHAT!?"**_ Keldeo shouted as he put his forehoof back down fast, staring with wide eyed disbelief.

* * *

 _Pikachu said, "Fennekin robot, how cool."_

 _Dedenne said, "Oh brother."_

 _Chespin said, "This Fennekin robot will lead us to where Fennekin is heading. Alright Fennekin robot, onward."_

 _When the Fennekin robot started moving, it started to malfunction. Later, it explodes._

 _Chespin said, "Oh no, what happened?"_

 _Dedenne said, "I think your robot had just became the nobot."_

 _Chespin said, "Aw man, back to the drawing board."_

* * *

" . . . No," Keldeo said after a long moment of silence, "No, no, no, this is stupid! This is just so STUPID! I mean. . . author! Do you not know _anything_ about Clemont's Chespin! He's a glutton and a drama king and easily distracted and mischievous, stuff like that. Why is he suddenly an inventor! Biscuits, why would he even know _anything_ about science! Because he's Clemont's Pokemon? Well, in that case, why isn't Bunnelby doing this, or _anyone but Chespin!_ This is lazy!"

Keldeo's anger gave way to utter confusion, and he asked, "And where did he get the parts to build this Fennekin robot, anway?! Clemont always has that giant backpack full of stuff, so it makes sense when he builds stuff. Where the heck did Chespin get the parts to build this robot? What, did he use twigs and leaves? Who does he think he is, Mr. Peabody?"

"And you didn't even have the decency to have Pikachu say Ash's _'Science is so amazing'_ line properly?! Author whose name I cannot pronounce, _what were you thinking?!_ "

* * *

 _Froakie said, "If Fletchling was here, he would help us out."_

* * *

"And don't point out your own plot holes! It only makes them worse!" Keldeo shouted.

"So Meowth takes Fennekin to Jessie and James, and, in a bizarre twist, Team Rocket suddenly have their competence from _Pokemon Black and White_ back and give a valid reason for not trusting Fennekin."

* * *

 _James said, "A twerp Pokemon in Team Rocket."_

 _Jessie said, "Forget it."_

 _Meowth gasped and said, "Why not?"_

 _Jessie said, "Remember when Emolga joined up with Team Rocket. She just wanted to join us just to get the twerp attention."_

 _Meowth said, "Yeah, but this time is different."_

 _James said, "Well, I guess we could use more Pokemon."_

 _Jessie said, "Fine, but I am holding you accountable. If anything goes wrong, I will turn your charm into sushi."_

 _Meowth said, "Just leave it to me."_

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said, "Don't you hate it when a fanfic is so bad, yet the author puts in little moments that show that it _could've_ been brilliant if the author hadn't decided to be lazy and illogical throughout the rest of the story."

"So, Fennekin agrees to help Team Rocket capture Pikachu."

* * *

 _So Fennekin went to find Pikachu and the other. Meanwhile, Pikachu and the other were still looking for Fennekin._

 _Chespin said, "Man, Fennekin been gone for a long time."_

 _Dedenne said, "I hope nothing happened to her."_

 _Pancham said, "Don't worry. I know Fennekin for a long time."_

 _Pikachu said, "What makes you say that?"_

 _Pancham said, "Uh hello, I was Serena's partner too you know."_

 _Fletchling said, "Yeah, but you were capture after Serena met Ash."_

* * *

"I thought Fletchling wasn't around! Froakie just said he wasn't there, how is he suddenly here now?" Keldeo asked in desperation.

* * *

 _Soon, they heard something from the bushes._

 _Eevee said, "What was that?"_

* * *

"What is Eevee doing here!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "Eevee was captured _after_ Fennekin evolved into Braixen! What did Eevee travel back in time? Is there time travel involved here? Is it Celebi, Baltoy's time machine, or Rotom's elevator? Can we can go back and time and prevent the events of this fanfic from ever happening? Or better yet, prevent it from ever being written?"

* * *

 _Noibat said, "I think it Team Rocket."_

* * *

Keldeo fell down in comical anime style, then eh sprang back up and said, "Ash found Noibat's egg _waaaaaay_ after Fennekin evolved into Braixen! Is the author even _trying_? Why don't we just complete the trilogy and have _another_ character that isn't supposed to be around before Fennekin's evolution- WAIT A MINUTE! _Fletchinder_ was the one who hatched Noibat, so why is he still a Fletchling in this story? What kind of a fan would get so many things wrong?!"

"So, then Fennekin shows up, and Bunnelby tries to apologize for. . . I have no idea."

* * *

 _Bunnelby said, "Uh Fennekin, can you forgive me after making you run away?"_

 _Fennekin scoff at Bunnelby. Bunnelby felt sad._

 _Dedenne said, "Don't worry. She'll forgive you."_

 _Fennekin said, "Oh I don't think so."_

 _Pikachu said, "Now Fennekin, Bunnelby just want to apologize to you."_

 _Fennekin said, "Well I am going to do something I should've done a long time ago."_

* * *

 _ **Mr. Krabs:**_ _"NOOOOO!"_

 _ **Spongebob:**_ _"This squeaky bolt on this door was driving me crazy."_

* * *

 _Clemont said, "Alright, is everybody ready to go?"_

 _Ash said, "Well, Pikachu and the other are still not back yet. I'm getting worried."_

 _Clemont said, "Don't worry Ash. I'm sure they'll find Fennekin pretty soon."_

 _Ash said, "It would be better if Serena kept her mouth shut."_

 _Serena said, "What did you say?"_

* * *

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Yeah! That's right! You tell her, Ash!"

* * *

 _Ash said, "You yelled at Fennekin and she ran off. If you would to keep your mouth shut, then maybe we would've go to our next Gym battle by now."_

* * *

Keldeo's face fell, and he frowned and sat down on his haunches. "Ohhhhh, of course! This isn't the Ash that cares about _all_ his friends, both human and Pokemon. No, this Ash doesn't care about others. He just wants those Gym badges! Congratulations, author! You just made Ash unlikeable!"

Keldeo reared up on his hind legs and stomped down hard twice to punctuate his scream of, "YOU! MONSTER!"

* * *

 _Serena said, "Well don't blame me, I blame Clemont."_

 _Clemont said, "What?"_

 _Serena said, "If you were so smart, you would've notice that fox eat bunny."_

 _Clemont said, "It would be better if Bonnie didn't say anything."_

 _Bonnie said, "Hey, unleast I didn't battle Bunnelby against Fennekin."_

 _Clemont said, "Then maybe you should've let Dedenne and Bunnelby fight."_

 _Bonnie said, "Dedenne is too young."_

 _Ash said, "It doesn't matter who young or old. A Pokemon is still a Pokemon."_

 _Serena said, "Since when do you know about Pokemon."_

 _Ash said, "Hey I travel through lots of region you know."_

* * *

"And now they're all fighting! This is just awful!" Keldeo groaned, "Does this author just really _hate_ these characters? And why would Clemont even _suggest_ that Bunnelby fight Dedenne?! And is Ash saying that a newly hatched Pokemon could win a Gym battle?"

* * *

 _As the four kept arguing, they heard a loud explosion._

 _Ash said, "What was that?"_

 _Jessie said, "Prepare for trouble we know what happening."_

* * *

"Skip it," Keldeo said emotionlessly.

* * *

 _Jessie said, "Alright, that enough. Since Pikachu and the other are not here, I'll give you a hint of who will be joining us."_

 _James said, "Here the better hint, it one of the twerp Pokemon."_

 _Jessie said, "YOU IDIOT, DON'T TELL THEM!"_

 _Ash said, "I don't think any of our Pokemon would join you."_

 _Clemont said, "Wait, maybe one of our Pokemon did."_

 _Ash said, "What you mean?"_

 _Clemont said, "Well let see, Serena yelled at Fennekin, then Fennekin ran away. It possible that Fennekin joined Team Rocket so she can get back at us for biting Bunnelby."_

* * *

"Was this fanfic put through Google Translate or something?" Keldeo complained, "I mean, the way this sentence is phrased, it sounds like the _humans_ bit Bunnelby and Fennekin wants to get back at them for biting him. This awful writing is driving me crazy!"

* * *

 _Serena said, "No, your wrong. Fennekin would never join up with Team Rocket. Did she?"_

 _Meowth said, "Actually, she did. She want to get revenge after what Serena have done."_

 _Serena said, "Oh dear."_

 _James said, "But, where is Fennekin?"_

 _Meowth said, "Pikachu is not here either."_

 _Jessie said, "Oh great. Now we need a new plan."_

* * *

"Wait a minute, you revealed yourselves too early?! Great! There goes your _Pokemon Black and White_ competence!" Keldeo said in annoyance.

* * *

 _Serena said, "How about this? Me and Jessie will race to find Fennekin. Who ever catch her first will keep her."_

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped.

* * *

 _Jessie said, "Deal."_

 _James said, "But that wasn't suppose to happen."_

 _Jessie said, "Too bad."_

* * *

". . . That has got to be the coldest, heartless, most unfeeling approach to Pokemon Training since _Paul_ ," Keldeo said in shock and awe, "I mean, it honestly looks like Serena views Fennekin as nothing more than _property_ here. Between this and Serena's behavior earlier, I'm starting to wonder if this fanfic to Serena is like _A Different Kind of Princess_ to Misty."

* * *

 _Clemont said, "Alright then, the race will now go on. The race between Jessie and Serena will now begin."_

 _Bonnie said, "On your mark, get set, GO!"_

* * *

Keldeo became thoughtful for a moment, then he said, "You know, I find it funny how even though this fanfic is called _Fennekin of evil,_ the humans have been way more despicable than Fennekin has been."

"Meanwhile, Fennekin finally admits to the other Pokemon that she's joining Team Rocket."

* * *

 _Fennekin sighed and said, "Guys, I gotta tell you something. You won't like it."_

 _Chespin said, "What is it?"_

 _Fennekin took a deep breath and said, "I'm joining Team Rocket?"_

 _The other gasped._

 _Fennekin said, "Yeah that right. I'm joining Team Rocket."_

 _Pikachu said, "But why?"_

 _Fennekin said, "To get my revenge on Serena and Bunnelby."_

 _Bunnelby said, "But, you didn't have to join them, because of us."_

 _Fennekin said, "Oh I will. Soon, I will rule the Kalos region and no one will stop me."_

 _Pikachu gasped and said, "You take that back."_

 _Fennekin said, "No."_

 _Hawlucha said, "Look Fennekin, you're going to the dark side. You can't be a member of Team Rocket."_

 _Fennekin said, "Oh yeah and who is gonna stop me?"_

* * *

"The Pikachu that's been sending Team Rocket blasting off for _years_?" Keldeo offered.

* * *

 _Soon, they heard a rumbling sound. They saw Jessie and Serena coming this way. Fennekin started running, but Jessie and Serena started catching Fennekin. They both caught her at the same time. They started to fight. Ash and the other came to find them._

 _Serena said, "She mine."_

 _Jessie said, "No, mine."_

 _Serena said, "I caught it."_

 _Jessie said, "But you abandon it."_

* * *

"First of all, Jessie has a point," Keldeo pointed out, "Second, didn't something like this happen in the Bible?"

* * *

 _ **1 Kings 3:16-28**_

 _16 One day two women came to King Solomon,_

 _17 and one of them said:_ _Your Majesty, this woman and I live in the same house. Not long ago my baby was born at home,_

 _18 and three days later her baby was born. Nobody else was there with us._

 _19 One night while we were all asleep, she rolled over on her baby, and he died._

 _20 Then while I was still asleep, she got up and took my son out of my bed. She put him in her bed, then she put her dead baby next to me._

 _21 In the morning when I got up to feed my son, I saw that he was dead. But when I looked at him in the light, I knew he wasn't my son._

 _22 "No!" the other woman shouted. "He was your son. My baby is alive!"_

" _The dead baby is yours," the first woman yelled. "Mine is alive!"_

 _They argued back and forth in front of Solomon,_

 _23 until finally he said, "Both of you say this live baby is yours._

 _24 Someone bring me a sword."_ _A sword was brought, and Solomon ordered,_

 _25 "Cut the baby in half! That way each of you can have part of him."_

 _26 "Please don't kill my son," the baby's mother screamed. "Your Majesty, I love him very much, but give him to her. Just don't kill him."_

 _The other woman shouted, "Go ahead and cut him in half. Then neither of us will have the baby."_

 _27 Solomon said, "Don't kill the baby." Then he pointed to the first woman, "She is his real mother. Give the baby to her."_

 _28 Everyone in Israel was amazed when they heard how Solomon had made his decision. They realized that God had given him wisdom to judge fairly._

* * *

"Now, this could've been a brilliant direction for this story to take. But, sadly, this fanfic hardly has the wisdom of Solomon within it. But it does have the power of a frustrated Pikachu."

* * *

 _As Jessie and Serena was pulling Fennekin, Pikachu quickly used thunderbolt at them._

 _Serena said, "Pikachu, what was that for?"_

 _Jessie said, "You could've wait until we get Fennekin."_

 _Ash said, "Well maybe if you weren't fighting over her none of this would've happen."_

 _Meowth said, "Yeah well, Fennekin is still gonna join us right."_

 _Fennekin shook her head as a no._

 _Pikachu said, "Are you gonna go back to us?"_

 _Fennekin said, "None of you. I have had it with the both of you two loser. Ash being a trainer, Clemont messing up his inventions, Bonnie getting hyper, Serena being a scary cat, and Team Rocket for capturing Pokemon."_

 _Froakie said, "Now settle down."_

 _Fennekin said, "No, from now on I will take charge around here."_

 _Clemont said, "And how are you gonna do that?"_

 _Fennekin evily chuckled and uses string shot to capture Ash, Clemont, Serena, Bonnie, Jessie, and James._

* * *

 _ **"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"**_ Keldeo screamed out in rage as he fired Hydro Pump from his hooves to fly up into the sky. He turned into his Resolute Form in midair, and powered up his Secret Sword. He then went into a dive and crashed down into the water behind his rock platform, horn first.

There was a huge splash, and water was sent out in all directions, mingled with bits of stone that Keldeo's Secret Sword had pulverized. Even before all of the water fell back down, Keldeo had run up right back onto the rock platform and shouted, "STRING SHOT!? _STRONG SHOT!?_ _ **WHAT ARE YOU, AUTHOR, A MORON!?**_ "

Keldeo panted a bit, then he shouted, "In what universe would a fox that has a connection to fire be able to send out spider silk or silkworm silk or whatever?! Maybe if she was a goat, it would make sense, because there are those genetically modified goats that give spider silk instead of goat milk, _what the name of biscuits am I talking about, FENNEKIN CAN'T USE STRING SHOT!"_

* * *

 _Serena said, "Hey what the big idea?"_

 _Fennekin said, "I've been battling and battling for a long time and now I am gonna take over the Kalos region."_

* * *

"How did you go from wanting to get revenge on Bunnelby and Serena to wanting to take over the Kalons region?" Keldeo asked, "How are those two things related in any way. I mean, even if this is supposed to be a joke, there still has to be _some_ relation or way of scaling things up to the more extreme conclusion the character comes to. You can't just have this random leap in logic that's impossible to follow!"

"It's like the _Phineas and Ferb_ episode _At the Car Wash,_ where Dr. Doofensmirtz makes a device that can make molehills the size of mountains because people have always told him _'don't make a mountain out of a molehill'_ whenever he got upset about something, and he makes it clear that he knows it's a metaphor, but wants to make a statement that his problems should be taken seriously and he can do whatever he wants. It's crazy, yes, but it makes sense. You can follow his logic. But if instead he used the same backstory as a reason to make a device that causes, _I don't know,_ all the cheese in the world to start singing, that would be stupid and unfunny!"

Keldeo swung his Secret Sword threateningly and said, " _This_ is that scenario! It's stupid and unfunny!"

* * *

 _Bonnie said, "You gotta be kidding me."_

* * *

"Behold! The only character in the entire fanfic that has any remaining likeability!" Keldeo declared in mock grandness.

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Once I rule the Kalos region, no one will stop me."_

 _Wobbuffet said, "But you can't rule it yourself."_

 _Fennekin said, "That right, I can't rule it myself."_

 _Fennekin uses string shot at the Pokemon."_

 _Pikachu said, "Hey."_

 _Meowth said, "Let us go."_

 _Fennekin said, "I don't think so. I am going to throw all of your trainer down the volcano and they won't be here to save you."_

* * *

"How did she capture _alllllllll_ of those Pokemon with a move she can't even use? And _what volcano?!_ " Keldeo shouted in disbelief.

* * *

 _Bunnelby said, "You're joking aren't you."_

 _Fennekin said, "Nope. All of your Pokemon will be my minions after I'm done with you."_

 _James said, "Minions."_

* * *

"NO! Let's not bring _them_ up again!" Keldeo shouted sternly.

Suddenly, Munna flew in holding a banana with Psychic. "Hey, Keldeo. You want-."

Keldeo struck Munna with his Secret Sword and sent her blasting off like Team Rocket.

"No more jokes! Let's just get this story over with already!" Keldeo shouted as he reigned his anger back in.

* * *

 _Clemont said, "You can't do that."_

 _Fennekin said, "Well yes I can."_

 _Ash said, "Oh yeah, Pikachu use thunderbolt."_

 _Pikachu tried to use thunderbolt, but the string wasn't effective._

 _Pikachu said, "Hey, it not working."_

 _Fennekin said, "That because none of the attack will work. Not even thunder, flamethrower, water gun, or any attack."_

* * *

"How does String Shot keep Pokemon from attacking? Oh wait, IT DOESN'T! Look, both version of _Kevin and Buizel_ has a Buizel that knew Hyper Beam, but if you're going to give a Pokemon a move they aren't supposed to be able to use, AT LEAST GET THE MOVE RIGHT!" Keldeo shouted at the top of his lungs.

"So, then Fennekin releases Inkay and Gourgeist so she can use her hacked String Shot move on them, and then carries everyone to the volcano on this wagon she. . . pulls out of hammerspace? Is it the same place she got the slingshot from in _when fox get envy_? Anyway, _no one is able to escape during this whole thing!_ It's like the author just decided to cheat!"

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "I don't care._

* * *

"Neither do I," Keldeo snarked.

* * *

 _Now, who will be the first trainers to fall in the volcano?"_

 _James said, "How about the twerp?"_

 _Ash said, "No, ladies first."_

 _Serena said, "Ash, you can't be serious."_

 _Clemont said, "Maybe Bonnie."_

 _Bonnie said, "Hey."_

 _Jessie said, "James should go."_

 _James said, "Jessie an old bat, let her go."_

 _Jessie said, "WHAT DID YOU SAY!"_

* * *

"Who wants to see best friends and family turn on each other like this!?" Keldeo shouted, "And if they're all gonna die anyway, why are they even bothering to try and get the others to die first?"

Keldeo then smiled a crazy looking smile and laughed a crazy sounding laugh, and he said, "And you know what's funny? You know what's just _hilarious?_ The author actually has the nerve to try and make this an emotional death scene for all the characters after all the mean-spirited stupidity we sat through with them!"

* * *

 _Ash said, "Pikachu, I want you to take care of yourself. I know I'll be dead, but I want you to get stronger okay buddy. Hawlucha, please protect Pikachu and the other. Noibat, when you were just an egg I always thought you wouldn't like me, now I know we gone through a lot of journey together. Froakie, please take care of them. Fletchling, be careful. Serena, before I die I just want to tell you that I love you. I didn't tell you this before, because I was afraid you might think I'm silly."_

* * *

"How am I supposed to take this seriously after all the insanity I've just read through!?" Keldeo exclaimed.

* * *

 _So Fennekin quickly push Ash down the volcano. All of his Pokemon and friends were shocked._

 _Serena burst into tear and said, "Oh Ash, I'll miss you."_

 _Jessie said, "Oh quit blubbering."_

 _Fennekin said, "Alright, who next?"_

 _Chespin said, "Look Fennekin, you have got to stop."_

 _Fennekin said, "Forget it. I think Bonnie should go next."_

 _Bonnie said, "What?"_

 _Clemont said, "There is no way I'm letting you take my little sister."_

* * *

"You told Fennekin to kill her first!" Keldeo shouted.

* * *

 _Now, who will be the first trainers to fall in the volcano?"_

 _James said, "How about the twerp?"_

 _Ash said, "No, ladies first."_

 _Serena said, "Ash, you can't be serious."_

 _Clemont said, "Maybe Bonnie."_

 _Bonnie said, "Hey."_

* * *

"You know what, forget it! I'm _done_ with this!" Keldeo shouted as he slammed his left forehoof down, "Fennekin murders all the humans. There! That's it! I refuse to waste any more time on this than I have to! However, I do have something to say about this part."

* * *

 _Bonnie said, "Okay, but before I go, I just want to say goodbye to Dedenne. I hope you have a happy life and Jessie."_

 _Jessie said, "Yes twerp."_

 _Bonnie said, "Will you please take care of my brother?"_

 _Clemont said, "Bonnie I told you not to do it a million times."_

* * *

"YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE DEAD SOON!" Keldeo shouted.

* * *

 _Clemont said, "It okay. I'll be fine. Just throw me already."_

 _Fennekin said, "I'm glad you made the right choice."_

 _So Fennekin quickly threw Clemont down the volcano."_

 _Luxary said, "CLEMONT!"_

 _Fennekin said, "MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"_

 _Jessie said, "Why you little?"_

 _Jessie went toward Fennekin, but Fennekin quickly dodges and Jessie ended up getting thrown down the volcano."_

 _Meowth said, "JESSIE, NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

* * *

"Wow. Clemont didn't even _bother_ to say goodbye to his Pokemon. And how did Jessie get free from the _super_ String Shot?"

Keldeo shook his head and said, "Whatever. Now it's Serena's turn, and here's where things get weird. . . sorry, _weirder._ "

Serena said, "Fennekin please, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you before. It was a big mistake. So please, don't kill me."

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Forget it Serena, you are now history."_

 _Chespin said, "Don't you mean, hersory."_

 _Meowth said, "That is not a word."_

 _Chespin said, "Oh right."_

* * *

Keldeo blinked his eyes slowly, then he said, "Where's the joke? I don't get it! What was even the point of Chespin saying that?"

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Any last speech Serena."_

 _Serena said, "Yes, but mine is long, is it okay if I say it."_

 _Fennekin said, "Sure, go ahead."_

 _Serena said, "Fennekin, when you and I first met, you were my favorite Pokemon. You were the bestest, cutest, sweetest, lovely, Pokemon I have ever known. You, me, and Pancham both went through a lots of preforming together. I didn't get to know you so well after all. It just, I didn't wanna lose you. When you first attack Bunnelby, you were great, but now you physically hurt him, I couldn't keep you. Later with Eevee, I didn't know how much you three means to me. I also had a crush on Ash. I hope you takes care of yourself Eevee. Don't be scared. Pancham, be strong. Fennekin, if you're going to rule the Kalos region, can you please let Pikachu and the other lives."_

 _Fennekin said, "Well, okay."_

 _Serena said, "Thanks Fennekin."_

 _Fennekin gave Serena a hug_

* * *

Keldeo stared in confusion as he turned back into his Normal Form. "Wait. . ." he said slowly, "So. . . did Fennekin have a change of heart? Did Serena convince Fennekin of her love for her, and now Fennekin no longer has the heart to kill her believe Trainer who-."

* * *

 _and she threw her down the volcano._

 _Pancham said, "SERENA!"_

 _Eevee said, "No."_

 _Fennekin sighed and said, "Alright, now that those trainers are out of the way, I am gonna claim victory."_

* * *

"What is wrong with this author!?" Keldeo shouted.

"So, okay, the Trainers are all dead, which would normally upset me. But since this fanfic is so insane, I can't get invested enough into it for that. But what about the Pokemon who must be pretty angry at Fennekin right now."

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Quiet. Now, before I rule the Kalos region, I need a couple things."_

 _Noibat said, "Like what?"_

 _Fennekin said, "A Malamar, prince, butler, bodyguards, and a kingdom."_

 _Inkay said, "Why would you need a Malamar for?"_

 _Fennekin said, "Because I wanna control all of you."_

 _The other gasped._

* * *

"Why would a Malamar help you?" Keldeo asked, "If it's one of the evil ones who tried to take over the world, they'd never serve under you. If it's just some wild one. . . they _still_ wouldn't serve under you!"

"But wait, it gets worse! You know how I said that the Pokemon must be pretty angry at Fennekin for killing their Trainers? Well, guess what! It turns out not only do they _not care,_ but they're perfectly willing to serve the killer of their own free will!"

* * *

 _Chespin said, "Can I be your prince?"_

 _Fennekin said, "No, my prince will be Meowth."_

 _Meowth said, "Me."_

 _Fennekin said, "Why of course. You did say that you wanted a promotion right."_

 _Meowth said, "I was hoping for something different, but okay."_

 _Fennekin said, "Good, now I need bodyguards."_

 _Froakie said, "Well, I think I could be your bodyguard."_

 _Hawlucha said, "Me too."_

 _Chespin said, "Count me in."_

 _Fennekin said, "Excellent."_

* * *

Keldeo sat down hard and tilted his head slightly. "My gosh. It's amazing. I can't seem to get angry any more. It's like, I've used up all my PP for angry reactions. . . wow. . ."

* * *

 _Chespin said, "Hehehehe! Once again the future is now thanks to science. With my new device called the Malamar detector."_

 _Pikachu said, "Malamar detector, cool."_

 _Dedenne said, "Here we go again."_

* * *

"I've already reacted to this, so moving on. They find Malamar, he hypnotizes everyone because. . . Meowth asks him to?"

* * *

 _Meowth said, "I want you to hypnotize Pikachu, Fletchling, Dedenne, Eevee, Noibat, Bunnelby, Pancham, Inkay, Gourgeist, and Wobbuffet."_

 _Malamar said, "Why?"_

 _Meowth said, "There is no time for silly question, just do it."_

 _Malamar said, "Very well."_

 _So Malamar quickly hypnotized Pikachu, Fletchling, Dedenne, Eevee, Noibat, Bunnelby, Pancham, Inkay, Gourgeist, and Wobbuffet._

* * *

"Lazy!" Keldeo shouted, then he sighed and said, "So then they attack a random town that the author doesn't even bother to name, and Fennekin has the Pokemon build her a castle."

* * *

 _Fennekin said, "Now my Pokemon. Start building my castle and make it look foxy."_

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _"*Mwah*! Goodnight everybody!"_

"Three strikes! You're out!" Keldeo shouted, "Ha! I wasn't out of PP for anger!"

Keldeo hung his head and said, "Oh my gosh, I can't take it anymore. Now, how does Fennekin take over the Kalos region? Please, spare no detail. At least _try_ to engage me."

* * *

 _So the hypnotized Pokemon began building the castle. It took them days of building it. Later, Fennekin and the other have total control of the Kalos region. Every humans and Pokemon began to suffer. Fennekin is now the new ruler of the Kalos region._

 _The End._

* * *

Keldeo slowly raised his head, a pained expression was on his face. He was silent for a solid minute. Then he finally said, "Did that really just happen? . . . No joke, this might actually be more _insane_ than _Palace Pets._ "

" _Palace Pets,_ the quote-unquote _'worst fanfic ever'_ had pointless songs and characters with wonky personalities in situations that made no sense. But _this . . ._ _ **nightmare**_. . . had Fennekin trying to eat Bunnelby, Serena abandoning Fennekin, Chespin inventing stuff like Clemont, complete with that 'the future is now' catchphrase, with Fennekin throwing all the humans into a volcano and taking over the entire Kalos region in a single short paragraph."

"Even _Toadettegirl2012's_ bad fanfics aren't as bad as this! At least everyone is. . . _close_ to being in character! Sure, Misty is evil in _A Different Kind of Princess,_ but at least the story has logic and all the characters have clear personalities and motivations!"

Keldeo sprayed himself in the face with water from his right forehoof. He put his hoof down and sighed, "I . . . _really_ don't want to talk about this fanfic anymore. It really is _the worst Pokemon fanfic ever._ In fact, there really is only one word that can describe it."

Keldeo then picked up a straw hat and put it on his head. He then got up and started doing a prancing dance as music began to play. Keldeo put on a smile and started singing.

"It's super-trash-a-dumb-malefic-maniacal-garbage!

A fic so bad that everyone should really go report it

Sadly, there's not many words that only rhyme with garbage

Super-trash-a-dumb-malefic-maniacal-garbage!

Dumb-alily-dumb-alie, dumb-alily-dumb-alie!"

Vicitni and Munna flew in and started playing tambourines as they sang along as well, "Dumb-alily-dumb-alie, dumb-alily-dumb-alie!"

Keldeo continued to prance around and sing.

"Here's a fic that's so awful I'd rather have a guy,

Come Thunder Punch me in the face and give me a black eye

I'd rather watch the live action movie called _Scooby Doo_

And there's another _million_ _things_ that I would rather do!

It's super-trash-a-dumb-malefic-maniacal-garbage!

A fic so bad that everyone should really go report it

Sadly, there's not many words that only rhyme with garbage

Super-trash-a-dumb-malefic-maniacal-garbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage!"

For his big finish, Keldeo reared up on his hindlegs and waved his forehooves like jazz hands while Victini and Munna smiled and posed behind him.

". . . .No, really, though, it's awful," Keldeo said with a frown.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 _ **(1)**_ _Cyberchase- "True Colors"_

 _ **(2)**_ _The Muppets (2011)_

 _ **(3)**_ _The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)_

 _ **Miscellaneous References**_

 _The Nostalgia Critic- Batman and Robin_

 _The Nostalgia Critic- The Jungle Book (2016)_

The Nostalgia Critic- The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle

 _Palace Pets by Dark Santa_

 _A Different Kind of Princess by Toadettegirl2012_

 _Vegeta At Jubilife by austin . todd. 315_

 _Zuma's Fear by HavocHound_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic- "Putting Your Hoof Down"_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic- "The Best Night Ever"_

 _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_

 _PAW Patrol- Mission PAW: Quest For the Crown_

 _Despicable Me_

 _Portal 2_

 _Stranger Than Fiction (2016)_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _Zistopia by nicolaswilde_

 _Spongebob Squarepants- "Jellyfish Hunter"_

 _Phineas and Ferb- "At the Car Wash"_

 _Kevin and Buizel by SukottoDeragon_

 _Zootopia_

 _The Bible_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _TinyURL_


	12. E3: Review of M20- I Choose You

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 3- Keldeo's "Review" of Pokemon the Movie: I Choose You!**

 **Thumbnail: Ti nyURL ****y8w3mg7v**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a smile, "In honor of the Nostalgia Critic's _Disney Live-Action Remake Month. . ._ "

Victini and Munna flew in behind Keldeo and sang, _"La la la la, la la_ _ **LA?**_ _La la, la, laaaaa!"_

They both flew off and Keldeo continued, "I've decided to use this Editorial to talk about the Pokemon feature film remake of the first few episodes of Season One of the anime. That's right. I'm referring to _Pokemon the Movie: I Choose You!_ "

"Now according to Rotten Tomatoes, only 43% of the critics liked it, and 66% of audiences liked it," Keldeo said with a slight frown, "Hmm. Not very high numbers."

Keldeo smiled and said, "Well, if you were among the 66% who liked this movie. . ." Keldeo stood grinning in silence for a moment, then he shook his head repeteadly while saying, ". . . no . . . just no. Okay, you don't know any better. You just don't. You don't. No. No. You're being blinded by your nostalgia, okay. I like Ash. He's a great guy. He helped save the Swords of justice and gave me the courage to fight Kyurem. He's my friend. Pikachu's cool too. They're both really likeable, I get it. But, you see, _that's_ the problem, okay. It's tricking you into giving this movie a pass when it doesn't deserve it., because this is _not_ a good Pokemon movie."

Keldeo help up his right forehoof and said, "Now, don't get me wrong. This is a _good movie._ BUT! It is not a goof _Pokemon_ movie. I'm sorry, the anime deserves a lot better than this. NO!"

Keldeo suddenly became angry and stood up tall with determination, stomping his right forehoof and saying, " _Ash and Pikachu_ deserve a lot better than this! Because let me tell you something, the Ash and Pikachu in this movie reboot thing are _not_ the Ash and Pikachu we know! They're no more _our_ Ash and Pikachu than the characters in _Teen Titans GO!_ or _The Powerpuff Girls 2016_ or _Be Cool Scooby Doo_ or _Ben 10 2016_ are the ones we know and love and grew up with. Why is that? Because _reboots destroy everything!_ All the character development and achievements and milestones are just erased just so some new writers can create _'their version'_ of characters that were fine just the way they were."

"Sometimes it doesn't even make any sense and is just pointless destructive. For example, instead of keeping a shared timeline of Yugi first, Jaden second, and Yusei third in the Yu-Gi-Oh anime, they decided to reset the entire universe and have four separate dimensions for each protagonist to live in simultaneously in _Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V_. _**Why?**_ So, did the events of _GX_ and _5D's_ just never happen? That's just messed up."

Keldeo nodded resolutely and said, "And so, in further honor of the Nostalgia Critic, I am going to review this movie _without even seeing it!_ And I know what you're thinking. _'This isn't like Michael Bay's Transformers movies that are always the same! How can you possibly review a Pokemon movie without even seeing it?'_ "

Keldeo gave a softer nod and said, "Hmm. Well, okay, true. But you see, I'm not really reviewing the movie. I'm only reviewing the _plot_ of the movie. And reviewing it based on its Wikipedia and Bulbapedia pages is the best way to do that. That's right, all I'm gonna do is read the movie's synopsis on Wikipedia and Bulpabedia. Why? Well, if I watch the movie, first of all, I'll be tempted into enjoying it just because I get to see Ash and Pikachu on the big screen. Not only is this cheap nostalgia blinding, but it's also insulting because those characters aren't the _real_ Ash and Pikachu. They're just Reboot!Ash and Reboot!Pikachu. Second, all the new, superior animation, music, sound effects, and other cinematic features that come from the bigger budgets movies have over cartoons played on TV will also try to sway me into giving this film too much credit. So, the only way I can be objective about this is to review the plot in this manner."

Keldeo stomped his right forehoof angrily and said, "But before we get into that, I just gotta say, it really seems like more and more people in the animation industry in both America _and_ Japan are getting lazier and _lazier_. Not only do we have all those terrible, _terrible_ Cartoon Netwrokreboots I just mentioned earlier, as well as the bottomless pit of confusion that is _Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V,_ but we also get Pokemon movies that do the same thing _over_ and _over_ and _over_ again!"

Keldeo put on an emotionless expression as he said in a monotone, "Oh no, the villain killed that Pokemon- oh wait,the Pokemon the villain killed came back to life. Oh no, something terrible is gonna happen- oh wait, the featured Pokemon sacrificed its life to save the day. Oh no, Ash is gonna die- _**of course he's not gonna die, do you think we're all idiots!?**_ "

Keldeo panted heavily after his outburst, then he continued, "They even had the _nerve_ to pull a _Star Trek: Into Darkness_ by flipping the fake-out death scene from _Pokemon the First Movie_ and recycling it in _Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction,_ as if we'd all be too stupid to notice! Well guess what?! We weren't too stupid, we did notice, and I hope everyone who saw that movie called you out on it! Stop being repetitive, Pokemon movies! Give us something new!"

Keldeo huffed furiously, and he said, "So, with that out of the way, this is my _'review'_ of the plot of _Pokemon the Movie: I Choose You._ "

* * *

 _Ash Ketchum, a young boy from Pallet Town, is watching a battle between two Pokémon Trainers, Neesha and Corey, on television, preparing to start his journey the next day._

 _Later that night, Ash is asleep, dreaming about training his Pokémon as he throws his alarm clock in his sleep. The next morning, Ash's mother, Delia, wakes him up, letting him know that he'll be late to receive a Pokémon from Professor Oak. Realizing that he overslept, Ash gets out of bed and rushes over to Professor Oak's Laboratory. When he arrives, Professor Oak tells Ash that all of the starter_

* * *

"Skip it," Keldeo said flatly, "No, seriously, just skip it. If you've seen the first episode of the anime, you really have no reason to watch the first part of the movie. It's just a rebooted, rehashed, remake of the first episode. Ash gets Pikachu, Pikachu hates him, Spearows attack them, Pikachu won't go in his ball, Ash defends Pikachu with his body, Pikachu defeats the Spearows, and then they become friends. It's all stuff we already know. _After this,_ however, is when we finally get some new plot."

* * *

 _a Ho-Oh flies above and drops a feather called a Rainbow Wing. Ash and Pikachu decide to go and find the Legendary Pokémon._

* * *

"Okay then," Keldeo said with a small smile, "Now, this is clever, because it creates a physical connection to the very first Legendary Pokemon Ash sees."

Keldeo went back to frowning and said, "But forget that! Let's just montage through _three_ Gym battles! Sure, I know it's just one movie, so it can't fit every single episode into itself. But the problem here is that it seems to focus on the wrong things. Pikachu doesn't destroy Misty's bike or blow up a Pokemon Center. Ash just catches Caterpie and that's it. _Really?._ Also, _how did Ash win those battles with only two Pokemon!_ Really, I checked the list on Bulbapedia, Ash _never_ catches a Pidgey in this movie!"

Keldeo made a disgusted face and said, "This move has flaws similar to _Fennekin of evil_!"

* * *

 _A Trainer bursts in claiming that they encountered an Entei, a Legendary Fire-type Pokémon, causing Ash, as well as several other Trainers, to rush into the woods to look for it._

* * *

"So, Ash actually ends up finding Entei, but ends up butting heads with his first female traveling companion. Mis-."

* * *

 _Ash finds the Entei, but ends up fighting over it with a Trainer with a Piplup named Verity._

* * *

"-errrr, Verity!" Keldeo said in confusion. He blinked his eyes and tilted his head, "Okay. . . um. . . what happened to Misty? Ugh, whatever. Well, Ash also ends up meeting his first _male_ traveling companion, Bro-."

* * *

 _They are also joined by an aspiring young Pokémon Professor named Sorrel who uses a Lucario in battle._

* * *

"errrr, Sorrel!" Keldeo said, now even more confused than before, "Wait. . . what? Why aren't Ash's old friends joining him on the big screen? I mean, okay, I know this is Reboot!Ash and not _Ash,_ but still, a lot of people still like Ash's original companions, so why does this movie treat them like they don't exist? Did they get erased along with Pidgey?"

"Anyway, Entei escapes, and Ash and Verity start fighting."

Keldeo frowned and said in monotone, "Huh. You know, this kinda reminds of how Ash and Misty fought when they first met."

Keldeo sighed, and continued, "Well, they end up running from an Onix, and they quickly discover a Charmander caught in the rainstorm. They rescue it, and soon find out that it was abandoned by a cruel Trainer named Damia-."

* * *

 _They quickly learn that it belongs to a ruthless trainer named Cross who, along with his Midnight form Lycanroc, left it out in the rain._

* * *

"OH, COME ON!" Keldeo said angrily, "Couldn't they have gotten _one_ character right? Why did they change so much? Ugh, this is why people hate reboots so much! They change things that don't need to be changed just for the sake of changing them! This is _not_ beingclever, this is pulling up your roots, burning your bridges behind you, and slapping all the fans that made Pokemon such a success right in their faces! You jerks!"

Keldeo snorted and said, "And oh yeah, let's talk about this Cross character. First of all, is he seriously named that just because his hair makes an X on his forehead? That's stupid! Second, a Lycanroc? Really? Why are you using a movie that is meant to be a reboot of Season One to advertise _Sun and Moon_!? Plus, Ash has a Lycaonroc in the anime, so that just makes things more confusing."

* * *

 _They come across a cave where Sorrel and Lucario happen to be and help Charmander back to health. Entei and several other Pokémon arrive to sleep for the night and Ash reveals the Rainbow Wing. Sorrel reveals that Ho-Oh only gives the Wing to the "rainbow hero" who is destined to fight it, as a shadow Pokémon named Marshadow watches._

* * *

Keldeo groaned, "Okay, again, this is good stuff here! Ash is able to get close to a Legendary Pokemon, he shows his kind nature, and we get a little more info on the Rainbow Wing. This _'rainbow hero'_ business might even be a way to retroactively explain why Ash is always able to meet Legendary Pokemon in every region he goes to and is constantly tasked with saving the world. Even Marshadow's _Sun and Moon_ advertisement doesn't bother me that much."

Keldeo sighed and said, "But then it's ruined when we get _another_ montage where Ash's Pokemon evolve, which leads into a battle between Ash's Charmeleon and Cross's Incineroar. Charmeleon ends up losing and Cross berates Ash, which causes him to, _I kid you not,_ put Charmeleon down by saying he should've used Pikachu instead. Yeah, that's right, Ash just insulted and put down one of his own Pokemon!"

Keldeo blinked, then he gave a sigh of relief and said, "Oh, wait, no. Sorry. This isn't Ash. This is Reboot!Ash. I keep forgetting. But it's still frustrating! Especially when we get this bit of illogical. . . logic!"

* * *

 _Pikachu follows Ash, as the two have an argument over Ash's behavior. He states that he wished he had gotten Bulbasaur or Squirtle as his starter Pokémon instead of Pikachu._

* * *

Utterly bewildered, Keldeo shouted, "But you just said that you should've used Pikachu against Incineroar and that Pikachu would have won! And now you suddenly don't want him anymore? Look, Reboot!Ash, if you're gonna be a jerk, couldn't you at least be a jerk _consistently?_ "

* * *

 _Ash realizes that he's all alone, as Pikachu has stopped following him. As Ash declares that he doesn't need anyone, Marshadow puts Ash in a sleep-like state as the Rainbow Wing turns dark. Ash dreams he is in a world where no Pokémon exist and where he attends regular school with his friends. Realizing that something is missing, he remembers Pikachu and wakes up to his friends, and the Wing regains its color._

* * *

Keldeo sat down hard on his haunches and covered his face with both hooves. "There is so much wrong with this part of the movie," came his muffled voice, "I can't even _begin_ to explain what's wrong with this. . . but I'll try."

Keldeo put his hooves back down, and he said, "Okay, first of all, Marshadow has power over dreams? Aren't Cressila and Darkrai enough? Shouldn't they be upset about another Legendary encroaching on their territory?"

"Second, earlier in the movie, Sorrel said that the Rainbow Wing loses its color when the person holding it has a cold heart. But Ash's heart isn't exactly cold, he's just upset after Damian, I mean Paul, I mean _Cross_ gave him a _Reason You Suck Speech._ Sure, Ash was being kind of a jerk to his Pokemon, but that was because he was upset and confused and angry. He wasn't exactly being cold hearted. If he was cold hearted, he would have released Charmeleon right then and there, but he didn't. So why did the wing turn dark? Oh my gosh, not even the rules of this world are consistent! You jerks!"

Keldeo had a look of utter disbelief on his face as he said, "Third, not only is this dream world like a reboot inside a reboot, what is this, _Inception?_ But _Jack Storm 448_ actually predicted this scene _**three years ago**_ in his fanfic _Rising Storm: Book 1_!"

* * *

 _"Hey Jack, check this out," Katana said, carefully holding up a Manga on the flat of her scythe. "It's a Science Fiction comic about a world without Pokémon."_

 _Jack took it and flipped through the pages. "Interesting concept, but it looks kind of boring," he then handed it to Jason._

 _Jason took one look at it and flung it into the 'back on the shelf' bin. "that's not interesting, that's ridiculous; and boring," he added as an afterthought._

 _Cap dragged Katana away before she could attack the Lucario, leaving the brothers to continue their research._

* * *

"I wish Katana were there when the idea for this movie was pitched!" Keldeo shouted.

"So, by the power of. . . boredom, I guess, Ash wakes up and reconciles with his Pokemon."

* * *

 _Sorrel shares a story of a time he lost a friend being a Luxray, who died protecting a young Sorrel from a snowstorm._

* * *

Keldeo had a horrified look on his face. Then he said in despair, "Why is this here? Really, why is this here? Is it to give Sorrel some character, because form what I've read so far, he barely has any! Well, it failed miserably! All it did was depress me! This did _not_ need to be in this movie! And if we had just used Brock instead, we wouldn't have had to invent this tragic backstory just to give this random OC some depth!"

"Oh, yeah, and speaking of depressing, this stupid move has the nerve to just replay the episode _Bye, Bye Butterfree_ with a fresh coat of paint! Yeah, remember _that_ tear-jerker! Look, I understand that this was an important event in Ash's journey, but we just had _four_ depressing events before this! Ash lost to Cross, Ash and Pikachu fought, Ash had that dream, and Sorrel told us that gut-wrenching story! Can't we at least have a short break between sad moments! This movie is so bad that it has to resort to making us cry our eyes out to get any kind of emotional response out of us! You _jerks_!"

Keldeo stopped a moment to catch his breath, then he continued, "So, Reboot!Ash, Not!Misty, and Not!Brock go to the top of Mount Tensei to find Ho-Oh."

* * *

 _They make it to a crystal-like structure, but are interrupted by Cross who wants to fight Ho-Oh himself (he too saw Ho-oh, but it did not give him the Wing). Cross' Incineroar fights Ash's Charmeleon which quickly evolves into Charizard and defeats Incineroar. Cross, refusing to accept his loss, grabs the Wing and places it on the crystal, but it turns dark, causing Marshadow, as Ho-Oh's agent, to turn the local Pokémon (including Cross's midnight form Lycanroc) evil and attack Ash and his friends._

* * *

"Wait, what? Why does _that_ turn Marshadow evil?" Keldeo asked in utter bewilderment once again, "He didn't turn evil when Ash turned the Rainbow Wing black, so why did Cross turn Marshadow evil? And why _would_ it make him turn evil anyway? What's the explanation for it? Is it like, ' _if a bad person holds the wing, kill everyone'_? That makes no sense! And Marshadow is really bad at his job is he's able to get corrupted so easily! What would happen if someone really evil like Hunter J held the wing? Would the whole world just blow up?"

* * *

 _After Charizard protects Cross from an attack, he sees the error of his ways and helps the group out, even snapping his Lycanroc out of Marshadow's control._

* * *

"Aw, come on! You couldn't even let us have an actual villain? Damian didn't have a change of heart, so why does this guy get a pass?" Keldeo complained, "Wouldn't it have made more sense if Cross was able to _take control_ of the evil Marshadow with the corrupted Rainbow Wing and got Drunk on the Dark Side, which caused him to attack Ash and his friends. It would've been a lot more compelling than, _'Oops! I was a big meanie and Marshadow decided that he'll kill us all because of it!'_ "

Keldeo then gave a dead serious stare, and he said, "But wait. The worst is yet to come."

* * *

 _The Trainers fight back, but are overwhelmed by the severity of the situation. Ash finally forces Pikachu to get in his Poké Ball as the Pokémon destroy Ash, turning him into pure energy as Marshadow notices the Wing has disintegrated._

* * *

"This. . . is. . . a . . .DISGRACE!" Keldeo shouted as he turned into his Resolute Form, "Pikachu hasn't been in his Pokeball since the very first episode of the anime! He is _not_ supposed to go into his Pokeball! EVER! But then the writers of this movie were like, _'oh, who cares about how it's always been! Let's put him in his Pokeball!'_ NO! _**NO!**_ How _DARE_ you! You took one of major rules of the Pokemon Anime, and you broke it! You _**jerks!**_ "

Keldeo shook his head and said, "I mean, what's next? Is Pikachu gonna speak English?"

* * *

 _Pikachu is talking now and it's very upsetting -_ _ **The Verge**_

 _Audience Loses It When Pikachu Speaks English In 'Pokémon' Movie -_ _ **Huffington Post**_

* * *

". . . . Yeah," Keldeo said with a nod, a calm expression on his face. He then changed back into his normal form and said, "This wasn't on the Wikis, I actually discovered this by accident. Apparently, through the power of love, I suppose, either is Ash is able to understand Pikachu, or Pikachu is able to suddenly talk right before Ash forces him into his Pokeball. Pikachu says that he doesn't want to go into his Pokeball because he always wants to be with him, and that's really heartwarming."

Keldeo sighed and smiled a bit, "And no, I'm not going to go all crazy and get mad like all the people in the audience did in that viral video. First of all, there are a _lot_ of way worse moments in this move to get angry about, haven't you been paying attention to this review? Second of all, a touching moment is a touching moment, and the idea of us finally getting an exact reason why Pikachu won't go back into his Pokeball is pretty satisfying. It also lets us see the first episode in a new light. Pikachu _wanted_ to like Ash the moment they first met, but he needed Ash to prove himself first before he got warm and friendly towards him. So, yeah, I don't mind this miraculous moment. I'm okay with it."

Keldeo then shouted, "Which is why the fact that Pikachu gets forced into his ball right after this makes me _**enraged!**_ You literally just invalidated this amazing moment by making Pikachu do the exact opposite of what he said he wanted to do! You _**JERKS**_!"

Keldeo calmed down, took a few deep breaths, and said, "Oh yeah, and Ash dies in a Pokemon movie. _Again._ Also, Ash's death causes Pikachu to use a Thunderbolt attack that takes out Marshadow's entire army. . . which also makes this a rehash of the Spearow scene from the beginning of the movie! Was any effort put into this movie at all!?"

"So, of course Ash gets brought back from. . . limbo I guess, and everything's happy again."

* * *

 _Ash finds himself in a grey world, but is brought back, presumably through Ho-Oh's power when Ash protected Pikachu. Ash takes the newly formed Rainbow Wing and places it on the crystal structure. Ho-Oh arrives and Ash challenges it with Pikachu to battle_

* * *

Keldeo smiled and said, "Okay. This sounds great. Ho-Oh vs Pikachu. Pikachu hasn't had an actual battle with a Legendary Pokemon since the battle against Tobias in the Sinnoh League in _Diamond and Pearl._ Hopefully this made this awful move _somewhat_ worth it."

* * *

 _but the outcome is never shown_

* * *

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Keldeo shouted at the top of his lungs, "ARE YOU _TRYING_ TO MAKE THE AUIDENCE ANGRY! Between leaving out Misty and Brock, having Pikachu talk and go into his Pokeball, and _this_ troll scene, I really do believe that you are trying to make every single Pokemon fan hate this movie!"

Keldeo calmed down a bit, then he said, "Okay, there are certain scenarios where not showing the audience something works. In Dr. Seuss' _The Lorax,_ the book, not the movie, not telling us if the kid plants the seed works because the book is meant to speak to the reader and offer a lesson and a choice. It's up to _us_ to decide if we're gonna take care of the environment or not.

* * *

 _"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss_

* * *

"But this movie is not supposed to teach us a lesson or give us a choice. It's supposed to be telling us the story of Ash Ketchum and his Pokemon. Preventing us from seeing the battle only takes away from the story."

"Another way hiding something from the audience is to create mystery or intrigue or allow us to draw our own conclusions. Like the briefcase in _Pulp fiction,_ or the top at the end of _Inception._ But that doesn't work in this movie because there's nothing mysterious or intriguing about Ash and Pikachu showing their strength in battling Ho-Oh. And there's no real point in trying to draw a conclusion from this battle, because there's really only two ways it could've gone: they give it their all but loose, or they give it their all and win. The whole point of a Pokemon battle is to see different moves and attacks and fast paced action as the battlers showcase their strength and skill."

"This is the equivalent of saying, _'Hey, hey! You wanna see something super awesome and amazing? Well TOO BAD, SUCKERS! We're not showing you! HA-HA!"_

Keldeo hung his head sadly and said, "How does this movie even end?"

* * *

 _The gang return to the Pokémon Center as Bonji states that Ho-Oh will find a new trainer to leave its Wing to. Cross leaves on good terms with the group and eventually Verity and Sorrel leave to achieve their own dreams. Ash and Pikachu decide to continue their journey in the world of Pokémon._

 _During the credits, Ash's recurring friends from the main series (Brock, Misty, Tracey, May, Max, Dawn, Iris, Cilan, Clemont, Bonnie and Serena) are shown. Verity is seen returning home, presumably to amend her relationship with her mother, and Sorrel is seen traveling and spotting an Articuno that he wanted to study. Ash and Pikachu are seen traveling together while being tailed by Team Rocket who appeared throughout the film, unnoticed by the protagonists for comic relief._

* * *

" _Unnoticed by the protagonists!?_ " Keldeo shouted, his head shooting back up again, "Are you serious?! And why are they even following Ash and Pikachu! The reason they started following them is because Pikachu blew up that Pokemon Center when they tried to rob it in the episode _Pokemon Emergency!_ But that never happened in this movie, so Team Rocket shouldn't even be bothering with Pikachu. Maybe if they showed Pikachu defeating Ho-Oh, and that made Team Rocket decide they needed to steal Pikachu, but nope! This movie is. . . is. . . is. . ."

Keldeo closed his eyes tightly. He breathed in and out loudly, and he said, "Okay. . . how about I just borrow from the Nostalgia Critics review of another horrible remake: _Beauty and the Beast 2017_."

* * *

" _This one just changes things that don't need to be changed, didn't add enough to make it its own thing, and sped up parts that needed to remain slow. It's as if the story is still there but the wrong parts are focused on. Leading to something that loos familiar, but feels false."_

* * *

"That's reboots and remakes in a nutshell!" Keldeo shouted, "And forget the fact that this movie is a disgrace to Season One of the Anime- actually no, don't _forget it,_ just set it aside for a moment."

Keldeo raised his left forehoof and said, "Just set all that aside for a moment so we can address the fact that the writers of Pokemon movies just do the _same thing over and over again_. Ash almost dying, or the titular Pokemon almost dying, or the titular Pokemon sacrificing itself- OH MY GOSH!"

Keldeo put his hoof down and said with widened eyes, " _This_ must be why Matthais likes me so much! _My_ move, _Kyurem vs The Sword of Justice,_ was one of the only few Pokemon movies that does something new and doesn't resort to repeating the playlist of Pokemon movie tropes! I could've pulled that Disney Death junk after slicing through Kyurem's attack, but I didn't! I just laid down and yielded in defeat. No death, just _'Keldeo is unable to battle'_ like normal. I _respected_ my audience too much to do that Disney Death stuff!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "So. . . okay. Fine. This movie is bad. Maybe not a bad _movie_ , but _definitely_ a bad _Pokemon movie._ I'm just glad it's all over-."

* * *

 _A second film in the alternate continuity, titled Pokémon the Movie: Everyone's Story, will be animated by OLM and Wit Studio, and it will be released in theaters in Japan on July 13, 2018._

* * *

" _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ " Keldeo shouted.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Nostalgia Critic- Beauty and the Beast 2017_

 _The Nostalgia Critic- Transformers: The Last Knight NON-Review_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh!_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh GX_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh Bonds Beyond Time (2010)_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V_

 _Star Trek: Into Darkness (2013)_

 _Fennekin of evil by arvinsharifzadeh_

 _Rising Storm: Book 1 by Jack Storm 448_

 _The Lorax by Dr. Seuss_

 _Inception (2010)_

 _Pulp Fiction (1994)_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _Rotten Tomatoes_

 _Wikipedia_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _TVTropes_

 _The Verge_

 _Huffington Post_


	13. The Easter Egg Hunt

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Four: The Easter Egg Hunt by Toadettegirl2012**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL- ydavx7sa**

Keldeo was in a really good mood as he greeted, "It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!"

"Now, I _wanted_ to pull an April Fools joke of some kind this year, but seeing as Easter fell on April 1st this year, I decided against it. It would be disrespectful to prank anyone on such an important holiday. By the way, seeing as Matthais and I were busy on Easter, we both hope you all had a blessed Easter this year."

Keldeo grinned and said cheerfully, "So, anyway, instead of a prank episode, I'm going to review an Easter Pokemon fanfic written by Toadettegirl2012- _don't go!_ "

Keldeo was still smiling as he held up his hoof, "I know. I know. I've been awfully hard on Toadettegirl2012 on this show. Mostly because of the horrors of stories like _The Scar, Too Much H20, Fall, Operation: Winter Can Be Fun,_ and _A Different Kind of Princess._ Yes, those stories aren't very good."

Keldeo then gave a sad sigh and said, "But is that really reason enough to be so hostile towards her? No. No, it isn't. I acted like I was better than her, and I treated her like dirt, and I was wrong. Yes, _Too Much H20_ was. . . disturbing. And yes, _A Different Kind of Princess_ is just heartlessly cruel and slanders Misty. But it's not like Toadettegirl2012 wrote anything profane or immoral, and she has a right to interpret the characters any way she wants to. It's just an AU fanfic."

Keldeo was shamefaced as he continued, "And she also made it evident on her profile page that she has a good amount of faith, and has proven to be much kinder to others than Matthais and I have been to her. And so, with the message of Easter in our hearts and in our minds, Matthais and I would like to apologize to you, Toadettegirl2012. We may not find Ash peeing himself funny, we may not agree with your hatred of Misty, but that does not give us the right to cast the first stone at you. We are so very sorry for our behavior, and we will not make snide remarks about you or make you the butt of any jokes anymore. That's a promise."

Keldeo bowed his head low for a moment, then he lifted his head and smiled, "The first review I ever did was _Purple Flowers and Chocolate Cake_ by Toadettegirl2012, and it still remains one of my favorite Pokemon One Shot Fanfics of all time! _The Midnight Dragon_ was cool too, and _New Year Bash_ was tons of fun! She really _is_ a good writer, so how about we check out another one of her masterpieces in honor of Easter!"

* * *

 _ **The Easter Egg Hunt**_

 _By:_ _Toadettegirl2012_

 _Easter a lovely holiday! And a great time for some Negiashipping holiday fun! A short cute friendship Easter fanfic, with some Negiashipping fluff at the end! 3rd fanfic in Holiday Fun Collection! Enjoy Negiashipping lovers!_

 _Rated:_ _Fiction K+_ _\- English - Friendship - Ash K./Satoshi, Iris - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,707 - Reviews:_ _12_ _\- Favs: 13 - Follows: 4 - Updated: Feb 19, 2014 - Published: Mar 31, 2013 - Status: Complete - id: 9155061_

* * *

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Now, this fanfic is a little special. You see, Toadettegirl2012 created a special AU where Ash, Iris, and a bunch of other companions and rivals are all little kids in a school in Kanto. The Ketchums and Dragonlights are next door neighbors, so Ash and Iris become best friends and often team up to have fun together and go on mischievous misadventures. They're even still in character as children, or at least, they act like how they probably would act when they were children. It's very clever, and it beat the anime to the punch!"

Keldeo reared up onto his hind legs and pointed with his right foreleg. "Ha! Take that Ash and Serena in _X and Y_!" he said.

Keldeo fell back down onto his hooves and said, "Toadettegirl2012 wrote several stories featuring Ash and Iris as children. _Classroom Helper, Fireworks On A Rainy Day,_ and _Negaishipping A-Z_ to name a few. I definitely recommend you check them out. But right now, we have an Easter Egg Hunt to read about. Let's see how cute Negaishipping can be! This is _The Easter Egg Hunt_!"

* * *

 _The bright March sun, in the clear blue sky, warmed the earth with its rays and shined down on a large open grassy field that was dotted with flowers, bushes and a few trees. Running and jumping up and down on the field was a group of kindergarteners who were all super excited for the activity they were about to take place in._

 _"Ash I can't wait for the Easter Egg Hunt to start," Iris, a purple haired girl, squealed with excitement_

 _"Yeah me neither," Ash replied with a wide grin, "It's going to be so much fun!"_

 _The two friends scanned the field in which the activity was going to be held, the two smiled at all the little specks of colors they could see hiding in bushes and grass. They started to bounce up and down as energy filled them._

 _"This is going to be awesome!" Ash and Iris both exclaimed slapping each other high-fives._

* * *

"Wow, this is adorable," Keldeo said with a grin, "Well, we then meet the Kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Copper."

* * *

 _"Thank you Nurse Joy for setting up this whole Easter egg hunt, it was really nice of you," the teacher said with a smile._

 _"Oh it's my pleasure" the nurse said. "Those little ones deserve it like you said, Mrs. Copper,"_

 _The teacher laughed "Well all of them did pass last week's spelling quiz with flying colors I guess they do deserve it" the teacher laughed as she remembering how many gold stars she had placed on the children's test._

* * *

"I like how Toadettegirl continuously reminds us that these are little kids in school with a kind, fair teacher. Mrs. Copper really does act like an actual Kindergarten teacher," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _"Everyone quite down please," Mrs. Copper said turning to her class, "one, two, three eyes on me please," the teacher placed her index finger up to her lips, seeing this all the bouncing five year olds did the same and quickly grew quite for their teacher._

* * *

"See, it's little details like that which make all the difference," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Just then Nurse Joy's Audino waddled over it smiled and said its name happily._

 _"Did you finish hiding all the Easter eggs Audino?" Nurse Joy asked, her Pokémon nodded, "great, now we can start!"_

* * *

Keldeo raised an eyebrow at this and said, "Huh, you think they'd have gotten a Buneary or Loppuny to do it. Ya know, to be authentic. Just a little quibble, nothing major."

* * *

 _"Mrs. Copper! Mrs. Copper!" Iris said jumping up and down_

 _"Me and Iris are gonna be partners!" Ash finished_

 _(TG2012: BTW I'm only using bad grammar like, "me and Iris" instead of "Iris and I" because their like five and five year olds' have sucky grammar, just wanted u grammar freaks to know)_

* * *

Keldeo smiled wryly and said, "Yeah. . . I'm still not a fan of all these author notes that pop up in the middle of the story. They could've all been placed in the beginning or the end. It's like those annoying ads that appear on the bottom of YouTube videos. They're not _unbearable,_ they don't ruin the whole video, but you'd much rather not have them."

"So, it's you standard Easter Egg Hunt. Everyone collects eggs, the eggs have candy in them, and the team that collects the most eggs gets a prize," Keldeo explained.

* * *

 _"A big surprise?" Ash said loudly, "what could be a bigger surprise then getting a whole bunch of candy?"_

* * *

"Ash is in character!" Keldeo said with a wink and a smile.

* * *

 _"How about getting a special gift from the Easter Buneary?" Nurse Joy asks._

 _A chorus of squeal and giggles bubble up from the kindergarten class all of them knew the tale the Easter Buneary!_

 _(TG2012: I'm pretty sure all of u guys know what Easter is really about, but just for the heck of it I'll come up with a little tale about the Easter Buneary just because it'll be cute!)_

 _Every year on Easter a magical Buneary would go and hide special colorful Easter eggs, it had made itself, all over Poke Earth by using tunnels that it dug in many different places. The Easter Buneary hides egg after eggs after_

* * *

 _"EX – PO – SI – TION! EX – PO – SI – TION! RUSH – IT – OUT! AS – AP!"_ Keldeo and Munna sang out.

* * *

 _Nurse Joy grabbed the blanket and removed it to show the students the prize the sight of it made the little five year olds' gasp._

 _Sitting on the top of the box was a large honey yellow basket that was decorated in a lovely way. Embedded onto the rim of the basket was poufy white fluff that had sparkly glitter glued to it and went all the way around the rim. Inside the basket were many small chocolate eggs and Bunearies that were wrapped in colorful foil but what was in the middle got the kids attention the most. Sitting in the middle of all the chocolate eggs and Bunearies was a very big golden egg that glittered in the sun in the middle of the egg there was a lock._

 _"Which ever group wins the Easter egg hunt gets this special basket and" Nurse Joy pulls a silver key from her dress pocket, "the prize inside of the golden egg!"_

* * *

Keldeo's eyes were wide as he said seriously, "Okay, that prize is totally awesome."

* * *

 _Iris gasped, and went all starry eyed at the sight of the Easter Buneary's surprise, "Ash we have to win this Easter egg hunt no matter what!" she said turning to her friend_

 _"Yeah" Ash says filed with determination, "there's no way we're gonna lose!"_

 _"What are you talking about of course you're gonna lose," said a voice, the raven haired boy turned to see that the voice belonged to his annoying classmate, Gary._

 _"We're not gonna lose!" Ash said again_

 _"Yes you are gonna lose 'cause Gary and me are gonna win!" Iris frowned she knew that voice belonged the snobbish red head girl Misty before she even looked._

* * *

"Okay, here's the best part about this Kindergarten AU Toadettegirl created," Keldeo said eagerly, "You see, having Misty act all mean to Ash and Iris as a small child works because more often than not, kids can be mean and often tease and make fun of each other because they just don't know any better. Plus, Misty is shown to be quite feisty and fiery in the Anime. She _is_ the Tomboyish Mermaid after all. So, having her being a snobbish mean girl makes sense. She's not evil, she's not a sociopath; she's just a mean little kid."

Keldeo smiled widely and added, "And Gary Oak is pretty much perfectly in character here!"

* * *

 _"Me and MIsty will have all the eggs by the time you can count to ten," Gary challenged_

 _"No way, me and Iris will get more eggs before you count to uh…before you count to the number after 20!" the raven haired boy shout back, since he knew no one in their class (not even him) could count past 20 yet._

* * *

Keldeo just chuckled at this.

* * *

 _"There's no way you're gonna win!" both groups shouted at each other at the same time before lighting started shooting between their eyes._

* * *

"And so, it's the Ultimate Showdown of Easter Egg Destiny!" Keldeo cheered excitedly, "It's Ash and Iris VS Gary and Misty. . . and a whole bunch of other kids, but who cares! Ash and Iris have gotta win this!"

* * *

 _Instantly the once peaceful field is turned into an intense war zone of rapid Easter egg hunting! The little kids rush around grabbing every Easter egg they lay their eyes on and are scream and squealing with delight each time they find a new egg to collect. Each group was determined to win the Easter Buneary's special prize and no one was backing down!_

 _"Come on Ash we have to get as many we can!" Iris said placing a blue and pink egg she had found into their basket._

* * *

"Come on, you two! Go for it! YEAH!" Keldeo shouted loudly as he pumped his right forehoof into the air. However, his face turned red slightly as he realized that he hadn't a little over excited, and he put his hoof back down and grinned nervously.

* * *

 _"Yeah, there's no way were gonna let Gary and Misty win!" Ash said then turned with a smile as he rushes over to some tall grass where he spied three colorful eggs, "there's some over here Iris" he reaches his hand out to get the eggs but only manages to get one before two hands shoot out and snatch the other two eggs._

 _"Hey!" Ash cried looking up to see who the hands belonged to._

 _The hands belonged to Gary who stood in front of him with an armful of eggs and the other two that he had just captured balanced carefully on top of the pile he was carrying._

 _"Give those back Gary I saw 'em first!" Ash said agitated by the other boy_

 _"So what, I grabbed 'em first" Gary blew a raspberry "you snooze you lose!" the brown haired boy said ran back over to Misty who had their basket_

* * *

Keldeo said in disappointment, "Aw, come on, Toadettegirl! You had the perfect opportunity for Gary to say _'smell ya later'_ and you didn't take it? What a missed opportunity."

* * *

 _Ash pouted in frustration as he hurried back to Iris, "I found another Iris," he said placing it in the basket._

 _"Great," Iris said, "Now hold the basket, I see a few more eggs up there," the girl points a tree where a large amount of eggs sit in its leaves, "I'll go grab 'em" Ash watches as his friends quickly scales the tree with ease when she reaches the Easter eggs she hollers, "here they come Ash!" the purple haired girl starts dropping the eggs._

* * *

"Iris' mom better watch out!" Keldeo said with a grin as he tapped the side of his snout knowingly with his right forehoof, "It starts with climbing trees, then it becomes swinging on vines!"

* * *

 _"I got 'em I got 'em!" the raven haired boy said holding out the basket._

 _One egg fell in followed by a second, then a third and a fourth but the last two Ash missed and they toppled to the ground, the two eggs where quickly nabbed up by a set of hands._

 _"Hey! Misty put those back!" Iris hollered as she jumped down from the tree, "those are our eggs!" she tried to grab them back but Misty pulled away._

 _"There not yours!" she said rudely, "they were on the ground and I grabbed them so their my eggs now!" Misty placed the eggs in her basket which was on her arm, "if you want eggs you gotta be faster than that!" the red haired girl dashed off to find more Easter egg._

* * *

"CHEATER! Cheater, cheater, cheater!" Keldeo called out as he pointed his right forehoof accusingly, but then he blushed again and put his hoof back down. "Heh, heh. Sorry," he said sheepishly.

"So, after a very hectic half hour, the Egg Hunt ends, and the eggs are counted."

* * *

 _"I wonder who's gonna win?" Iris wondered looking around at her classmate's baskets that were full of eggs._

 _"There's no need to worry Iris!" Ash said_

* * *

 _ **Dawn:**_ _"THAT'S! MY! LINE!"_

* * *

 _"look at our basket we have lots and lots of egg!" he pointed to the basket they had filled the basket that was once empty now had a mini mountain of colorful Easter eggs sitting in it._

 _"Yeah we do have a lot, but look at Misty and Gary's basket," Iris pointed out._

 _The raven haired boy frowned as he saw that their Easter egg hunting rivals had their basket just as full as theirs, "Oh…your right" Ash said, "but d-do you think we'll still win?"_

 _Iris gave a reassuring smile, "What are you talking about of course we'll win!" she said even though she was a bit unsure._

* * *

"And what happens next turns what could've been a very mediocre, run of the mill fanfic into an excellent one," Keldeo said warmly.

* * *

 _"Ash and Iris who collected 47 eggs, which means are winners are Misty and Gary with a total of 48 Easter eggs!"_

 _There were loud cheers and a few groans of defeat as a super happy Gary and Misty went up and claimed the special Easter Buneary prize._

 _"…Oh…w-we lost," Iris said quietly as the two watched Nurse Joy hand their Easter egg hunting rivals the grand prize._

 _"I can't believe we lost," Ash said kicking the dirt, "and my one egg, it so unfair!" he added with frustration._

* * *

"That's right. They actually _don't_ win! Not only do they lose, but they lose to their _rivals_ ," Keldeo emphasized.

* * *

 _Up front the two friends watched as Nurse Joy handed Misty the silver key and with a big smile on her face she fitted into the lock and turned it. With a popping sound the golden egg open, the class ohhed and ahhed at the sight of the prize, sitting in the large golden egg were two jumbo cupcakes. One was chocolate and other was vanilla they were covered with butter crème frosting and sprinkles and sitting on the top of each cupcake was a chocolate Buneary. Iris and Ash felt their hearts drop into their stomachs it was such a great prize and they lost it just by one Easter egg!_

* * *

Keldeo covered his face with his forehooves and said, "Oh my gosh, I can't look! It's just too much!"

* * *

 _For the rest of the day Ash and Iris were bummed out that they had lost the Easter egg hunt and even though they kept reminding each other that they had done a good job that unhappy feeling won't go away in the pit of their stomachs. To make things worse Gary and Misty weren't making it easy to forget that they had lost._

 _All through class the two winners where taunting, poking and reminding them of how they won. Even at recess, when Mrs. Copper said it was alright for Misty and Gary to have their cupcakes during that time, they sat on the jungle gym eating the sweet treat and laughing with their friends who they would share with just because they had the status of being BFFs with Misty and Gary._

 _"I'm so glad today is over," Iris said with a sigh._

 _"Me too" Ash agreed_

* * *

Keldeo uncovered his face and nodded, "Yeah, in the very small universe of young children, that's pretty brutal. I'm glad that Toadettegirl didn't shy away from this or try to make everything sweet and happy and perfect. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and this time Ash and Iris lost."

Keldeo smiled and continued, "That being said, the story also shows that it isn't the end of the world, and that losing doesn't make you a loser or a lesser person. In fact, sometimes the ones who lose turn out to be much better than the ones who win. Toadettegirl shows that Ash and Iris are good friends and all around good kids."

* * *

 _The purple haired girl was at her raven haired friend's house, they were in the back yard resting under the shade of the tree that was there and doing addition facts. Each time Ash or Iris would get one right they eat one of the many pieces of candy they had won from the Easter egg hunt, sitting between them were six of the Easter eggs they found, Mrs. Ketchum had the rest inside, being a mother she feared they would eat too much and get sick, once Iris's mom came to pick her up they were going to split the rest of the Easter eggs fifty fifty._

 _"Okay, Ash what's 5+3?" Iris asked looking up from the flashcard from the flashcard she had in her hand._

 _"Um…is it 8?" Ash asked._

 _Iris nodded "Yup"_

 _Ash smiled and took a green jellybean and popped into his mouth "Okay, your turn," he picked up a card and flopped onto his back, "what's 2+4?"_

 _Iris flopped on her back too, "Oh, that's easy, it 6!" Ash nodded the girl reached and grabbed a red jellybean and popped it into her mouth._

* * *

"While Ash and Iris have gotten angry and upset in the Anime, they really are truly good people with pure hearts," Keldeo explained. Then he scowled and said, "So shut-up Serena from _XY121: Seeing the Forest for the Trees!_ You're the worst girlfriend ever!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "I'm sorry. I just _really_ didn't like Serena's behavior in that episode. _'Oh, I don't really want to look for Ash after I bullied him for being sad.'_ Seriously, Serena is just so selfish! It's like, she just wants Ash so he can belong to her. If he doesn't act the way she wants him to, she throws a tantrum! _This_ is why I'm a Negaishipper."

Keldeo smiled happily and said, "Plus, I actually know Iris personally from the Kyurem incident. She even gave me a hug! But, I digress."

* * *

 _"Hey Ash, are you still upset about losing the Easter egg hunt?" Iris asked_

 _Ash frowned a bit, "…Well a little but we don't have to worry about,"_

 _"I mean we did get in second, that's good right?" Iris said, Ash nodded, "too bad that Misty and Gary will probably be teasing us for the rest of the week though,"_

 _Yeah, but don't worry we'll just ignore it," Ash said, looking at his friend knowing how much she hated being teased and picked on. There was a bit of silence before Ash spoke again this time he asked a question, "Hey Iris…do you think we'll always be best friends?"_

 _Iris sat up and looking confused, "What are you talking about of course we'll be friends, we'll be best friends forever!"_

 _Ash sat up to, "Would we still be best friends even if we came in dead last in the Easter egg hunt?"_

 _Iris smiled, "Forget the Easter egg hunt Ash, we'll be best friends for life no matter what!"_

 _Ash held out his pinkie finger and gave a big smile, "Pinkie promise?"_

 _Iris linked her pinkie with Ash's "Pinkie promise,"_

* * *

"Now, if it had ended here, it would have been fine," Keldeo said, a smile on his face, "But, Ash and Iris are so sweet as kids, we've gotta give them a sweet ending."

* * *

 _out popped a Buneary, but the appearance of this Buneary made the two friends gasp._

 _The rabbit like Pokémon had brown skin, like all Bunearies, but this one's fluff around its ears and belly was different. Instead of yellow it was a violet color, had an egg pattern lining it and it was covered with glitter that sparkled and shimmered. One of its eyes were different too, both eyes were black like all Bunearies but lined around the left on was an egg that was painted all the colors of the rainbow and in its hand was a small, simple yellow basket._

 _"W-Who are you?" Iris said still startled by this Pokémon's appearance_

 _"And how can you talk?" Ash added_

 _The Pokémon giggled, "Haven't you guessed yet, it's me the Easter Buneary!"_

 _(TG2012: And if ur wondering the only reason why the Easter Buneary can talk and Iris and Ash can understand her is because she's a magical Pokémon…plus c'mon guys it's Easter use your imagination)_

* * *

"Hey, as long as she's not like E.B. from _Hop,_ I'm okay with her!" Keldeo said.

* * *

 _The five year olds gasped as huge smiles spread across their faces._

 _"YOU'RE THE EASTER BUNEARY!" they cried in unison_

 _The Easter Bunneary cringed, "Shhh, not so loud we don't want the whole world to hear!" the special Pokémon then giggled, "so I have to keep my secret or everyone will be looking for me all the time,"_

 _Neither the boy nor the girl answered they just started opened mouthed with amazement._

 _"Oh, you too are just so cute and as you two said you are best friends right?"_

 _"Um…yeah, me and Iris are best friends," Ash said, "and we pinkie promised that we'll always be!"_

 _"Yeah, Ash and me will stick together forever!" Iris added hugging her raven hared friend who hugged her back._

 _The Easter Buneary smiled, "Best friends," she said, "that's very sweet, and I can tell that you two will be best friends forever. In the future your friendship may grow to something even more too!"_

 _"Ash and me will be even more…then friends?" Iris said, "w-what does that mean?_

 _The rabbit like Pokémon just giggled with glee, being a magical Pokémon she could already see how those two friends friendship who evolve into a blossom of love later in the future. But she kept this thought to herself, trying to explain love to five year olds seemed too difficult._

 _"Hey, Easter Buneary now that we found you d-do we get a special prize?' Ash asked_

* * *

"They sure do! And it's much more valuable, and meaningful, than a couple of cupcakes," Keldeo said in a heartfelt tone.

* * *

 _Inside where two bracelets one for each of them, the bracelets where made of a single shiny silver hoop with on pendent on each. The pendants on the bracelets where a half of a split heart that and were a golden color; one read "friends" and the other read "forever". Ash and Iris reach out their hands to pick one up but to their amazement the brackets seemed to pick them. The jewelry glowed white and then slipped themselves on one of the children's wrist the one that had the heart that read friend went onto Ash's wrist while the heart that read forever slipped onto Iris's wrist._

 _There was a bit of silence._

 _"Wow…" Iris said awestruck._

 _"Yeah…wow…" Ash said with a smile._

 _They both turned to thank the Easter Buneary but the special Pokémon was no longer there in its place from where it once stood was now a hole, where it vanished through._

* * *

"And ten years later, the bracelets still remain as a symbol of their relationship, and how it grew stronger and stronger over time," Keldeo said softly, "It is a testament, to how victories and prizes, toys and treats, even pride and glory are all meaningless compared to love."

* * *

 _10 years later on the same day, under the same tree sat Ash and Iris. Now boyfriend and girlfriend Iris sat with her head on Ash's shoulder and Ash sat with his hand around Iris's waist pulling her close. They weren't talking all they were doing was watching the sun set and just as the last few rays disappeared from sight the couple did the thing they did every year on Easter. They took out the bracelets, that were now too small for them to wear, and let the small heart pendants touch and with that they halves became a whole heart and glowed pink._

 _Iris looked at her boyfriend, "Happy Easter Ash,"_

 _Ash smiled, "Happy Easter Iris,"_

 _Then they leaned in and kissed, just like they did every year when their special bracelets still glowing the soft pink color._

 _And just like every year in that same bush, to check on how their friendship was doing, sat the Easter Buneary giggling with glee at the sight of what they friendship had blossomed into. Pure Love._

* * *

Keldeo breathed in softly, and he said, "How can this fanfic be described as anything less than perfection? Toadettegirl2012, you really are a great writer. Really, you are. In fact, I'm _sure_ that if Misty in _A Different Kind of Princess_ had been replaced by an actual villain or an OC you had created, we'd all love it for the excellent writing, characterization, and plot. As for this Easter fanfic you wrote. . . I really have no more words. You didn't make it simple or clichéd, it had good character interactions, it had a wonderful message. . . I just. . . You know what? How about I just end this review with a passage that I think complements your story perfectly."

* * *

 _ **1 Corinthians 13:1-7**_

 _If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate._

 _If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing._

 _If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere._

 _So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love._

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Bible Gateway_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _Hop (2011)_


	14. Two Important Things From Keldeo

Keldeo waved cheerfully and said, "Hi! Keldeo here! Before I move on to my next Editorial, I wanted to just quickly take care of two things I couldn't bring up in my Easter review. See, I didn't want to take away from the message of Easter or upstage the Bible verse I had at the end. That is to say, I wanted you all the leave the review with that being the last thing on your mind. I wanted to sort of leave a lasting impact and impression. So, I decided on just ending that review on the Bible verse as a sign of respect. So, here I am in an entirely separate chapter to bring up two important things."

"First of all, I'd like to thank CasualKawaii for that review of my Editorial on _Pokemon the Movie: I Choose You._ And no, I'm not being ironic or sarcastic, I really did appreciate the review. That 'review' I did for that movie was an experiment, ya know, something new. My logic was that I'd be blinded by nostalgia and my admiration of Ash and Pikachu if I watched it, but maybe that was flawed, I don't know. That was just an opinion I created out of my frustration with all these reboots that keep popping up everywhere. I still feel I'm right about it, but maybe I shouldn't have used it judge this movie the way I did. But at the very least, I _did_ put an effort into analyzing the specific plot points revealed on the Wikis."

"Now, in spite of all that, my claim that Western and Japanese animation was becoming lazy . . . really _was_ kinda insulting. CasualKawaii was right. For every _Teen Titans GO!_ , there's a _Gravity Falls_ or other good show. I was just so angry at the Cartoon Network reboots, _Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V,_ and all of those annoying similarities between nearly _**every**_ _ **single**_ Pokemon movie. _But_ , I shouldn't have let that anger cloud my reasoning, and I'm sorry for it."

"So, I truly thank CasualKawaii for that review, and I will take those criticisms to heart. Also, if CasualKawaii reading this right now, I'd like to ask if there's any fanfic I should review, or topic I should do an Editorial on. I'd me more than happy to fulfill any suggestion CasualKawaii has when I get the chance."

Keldeo nodded and smiled, and he sat quietly for a moment.

Then he said, "Oh, the second thing I wanted to bring up? Well, it's April! You know what means!"

Keldeo stood smiling widely for a few seconds, then he cheered loudly, " _ **SYLVEON MONTH!**_ "


	15. E4: Can a Sylveon Live wo It's Trainer?

A hot pink background appeared, and the music for the Classic Walt Disney Pictures intro played. However, instead of the Disney castle appearing on screen, a light pink full moon appeared. On the moon was the silhouette of a Sylveon. There was a flash of light, and the words _"Sylveon Month"_ written in the iconic Walt Disney font appeared underneath the moon. Two pairs of ribbons arced out from the Sylveon silhouette and made a double heart shape over the pink moon.

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 4- Can a Sylveon Live Without It's Trainer?**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL: y9cubcbe**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a smile, "Welcome to Sylveon Month! But before we start reviewing fanfics that star everyone's favorite Fairy-type Eeveelution, I'd like to start off with an Editorial on a thought that recently came to mind."

Keldeo settled down and said in a chatty, conversational tone, "Now, as a reviewer, not to mention someone who likes reading good stories, I often try to check out a variety of genres of fanfiction. Sure, it's fine to read humorous and heartwarming stories that make you happy or action-packed tales that get you excited, but sometimes it's good to read stories that are sad or tragic so that you have something to compare those other genres and emotions to. It's important to exercise _all_ of your emotions, the happy ones _and_ the sad ones. Venturing out of your comfort zone can be a good thing, especially if _you_ ever want to write stories that can engage the reader and invoke a wide range of emotions."

Keldeo nodded slowly, and said with a straight face, "One such tragedy I've read recently was _Snow Sick_ by dark magician alice."

* * *

 _ **Snow Sick**_

 _By: dark magician alice_

 _On their way to Ash's next gym battle in Snowbelle City, Serena suddenly falls ill! Will this new development in her life lead to her revealing her feelings for Ash? Will Ash realize his feelings for Serena? As their time together suddenly shortens, the truth may finally come out. R &R_

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Tragedy - [Ash K./Satoshi, Serena] Clemont/Citron, Bonnie/Eureka - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,528 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 39 - Updated: Apr 12, 2017 - Published: Jul 1, 2016 - id: 12027454_

* * *

"This is a _very_ sad story that will get right inside your heart," Keldeo warned, "It's also unfinished, which is also sad. Anyway, the driving force of the story is that Serena is dying. Of course, this is crushing news for everyone, especially for Serena's Pokemon friends, resulting in this heartbreaking scene where Ash has to be the bearer of bad news."

* * *

 _"It's about Serena…" Ash murmured quietly, bowing his head. "She's hurt real bad!" He cried out, letting the words dance in the air. "She-! She's dying!"_

 _The three pokemon's eyes widened simultaneously, their own surprise and despair sinking in. All of them knew that it must've been terrible, because they knew if Serena was even slightly okay, she would be here herself telling them what was happening._

 _Panchem lost its balance first, falling back onto its bottom still stunned. Its favorite sunglasses, the ones Serena gave to it as a gift from that pokemon festival, fell to the floor with a tiny_ _TAP_ _! Its mouth was open slightly, but no sound came out._

 _Next to fall was Sylveon, from standing on all fours to sitting on its backside as well. Its once bright and elegant ribbons withered like roses dying. Its little head was downcast, pink ears fallen forward to hide its pale blue eyes._

 _Finally, Braixen broke down. It was on its knees now, holding its head in its paws. Serena's very first pokemon, once a pretty Fennekin that evolved from its passionate love for its trainer and her dream, was the first to let out a cry. It wasn't loud, emitting only enough sound for the others to hear. It was filled with the worst of pains, the kind that made Ash, Sylveon, and Panchem shift their heads to gaze at the fire pokemon. It was filled with sorrow, filled with the love it held for Serena._

 _Like dominos, the other pokemon's emotional walls fell. Sniffling suddenly, Panchem's and Sylveon's eyes overflowed with oceans of crystal-like tears. Panchem began hitting the ground with its tiny grey fists, seeming like a child having a tantrum. Over and over, its toddler-sized paws pounded against the floor, the distraught pokemon suffering from a mix of anger, confusion, and heartbreak._

 _Sylveon didn't even bother to remain upright. It fell forward, curling up into itself and letting its ribbons swim around it. The fairy pokemon's paws covered its face, sobbing quietly. Its lovely pink ears were sunken, one over its soft white face and the other over the floor. It was a heartbreaking sight. Sylveon looked like it was dying along with its trainer._

 _Lastly, Braixen was still sobbing, now leaning over with its arms holding its stomach as if it were going to throw up._

* * *

Keldeo closed his eyes tightly, shuddering a bit as he took a deep breath. Then he opened his eyes and said with a shaky smile, "Wow. . . now that's some good writing there. Seriously, wow." Keldeo took another moment to compose himself, sniffling a bit as he blinked the wetness out of his eyes. After this, he continued, "Well, it's only a fanfic, plus, there are plenty of other happy fanfics out there, so I appreciate _Snow Sick_ for granting me this experience, which is no doubt good for the emotions and the brain in the long run. Anyway, as I read this, two specific parts of this scene caught my attention."

* * *

 _Its once bright and elegant ribbons withered like roses dying._

* * *

 _Sylveon looked like it was dying along with its trainer._

* * *

Keldeo took on a look of deep thought as he said, "Sure, this may be a fanfic written by one author on the site, but it still got me thinking. . ."

Keldeo raised an eyebrow and asked, "Can a Sylveon live without its Trainer?"

"Now, this might seem like a weird question to ask. Any Pokemon can have a very strong bond with its Trainer, and any Pokemon could become completely heartbroken if their Trainer died, so why focus on Sylveon?"

Keldeo sat up straight and explained, "Well, you gotta take into account that the very existence of certain Pokemon are more dependent on human Trainers than others. I'm talking about Pokemon evolution here. For instance, certain Pokemon can only evolve if they have a strong enough Friendship with their Trainer. Pichu and Riolu are good examples, and Eevee's evolution into Espeon or Umbreon depends on Friendship as well. There is a long list of these Pokemon, and I have no doubt that it will get longer as more Pokemon are discovered."

Keldeo tapped his snout with his left forehoof knowingly and continued, "Now, what makes Sylveon special is that it's the only Pokemon in the entire world that evolves from Affection, or _Love_."

Keldeo frowned a bit, and he said, "Now, in the games, I don't really think it's conveyed well enough. I mean, all it takes is two hearts in Pokemon-Amie! Come on! Just two hearts? That's way too easy! It should've at least been _four_ hearts!"

Keldeo sighed and waved his forehoof dismissively, "Whatever. Now, in the _Anime,_ it's handled a lot better. Specifically, in the scene where Serena's Eevee evolves into Sylveon in _XY105: Party Dancecapades!_ There's also all the character development and bonding, not to mention trials and tribulations, between Serena and Eevee in previous episodes that really sells the point that Sylveon is a Pokemon that evolves out of the love for its Trainer."

"Plus, there's also this Pokedex entry here:"

 _ **Pokemon Y:**_ _It wraps its ribbonlike feelers around the arm of its beloved Trainer and walks with him or her._

"The use of the word _beloved_ is an important detail. Also, a Sylveon's ribbons are quite amazing. They emit a soothing aura, and according to this Pokedex entry:"

 _ **Pokemon Ultra Moon:**_ _Sylveon wraps its ribbonlike feelers around its Trainer's arm because this touch enables it to read its Trainer's feelings._

Keldeo nodded and said, "There is no doubt in my mind that a Sylveon has a very strong connection to its Trainer, and that it's symbolized and made manifest by the ribbons a Sylveon wraps around its Trainer's arm. Therefore, it's not that much of a stretch to think that the death of a Sylveon's Trainer would leave that poor Pokemon lost and with nothing to hold onto, resulting in a despair that could take away its will to live."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "And before all of you _Sun and Moon_ fans bring it up, _yes,_ I know all about Sakura the Sylveon User from Seafolk Village in the Alola Region. I also know that Sakura died a year before the events of the _Sun and Moon_ and left her Sylveon to her granddaughter Kira."

* * *

 _ **Sylveon User Kira**_

 _Kira is the granddaughter of the original Sylveon User, Sakura, who was a pure woman who Fairy-type Pokémon adored like a queen. She was a descendant of the seafolk, but, unbeknownst to Kagetora, she passed away a year ago. The player can find Kira, who takes care of Sylveon now, in the Seafolk Village, in the Steelix ship in the east. According to Kira, Sakura also tried to teach her about battling before she passed away._

* * *

"However," Keldeo said, holding his forehoof straight up to emphasis the point he was making, "The fact that this particular Sylveon is still alive does not disprove my theory."

Keldeo put his hoof back down and continued, "First of all, Sakura must have died of old age, seeing as she had time to bond with a _grandchild_. She probably lived a long, full life that she got to spend with her beloved Sylveon. So, the Sylveon must have had _plenty_ of time to prepare for the inevitable moment."

"Second, we learn that Sakura spent some time teaching Kira about Pokemon battling before she passed away. We can deduce from this that Sakura must have spent a lot of time with Kira, not just teaching her about battling, but also just spending time together in general. Sylveon was definitely involved in this time as well, and the three of them must have had a lot of fun together and had plenty of special moments. Sylveon probably bonded with Kira through this. In fact, Sakura probably foresaw her inevitable passing, and _encouraged_ Kira and Sylveon to bond. I can easily see countless afternoons of Kira grooming Sylveon, feeding Sylveon, conversing with Sylveon, training Sylveon, and just playing with Sylveon. Therefore, when Sakura died, Sylveon already had another human to connect to and share the purest love with. Sure, Sakura's death had to have hit Sylveon hard, but Kira's love was able to help Sylveon to live on."

Keldeo frowned and said, "A Sylveon who's Trainer dies suddenly, or a Sylveon who never bonded closely with any other human may be left with no one to wrap its ribbons around, and thus be at a complete and utter loss without any love to live off of."

Keldeo hung his head and continued disappointedly, "But, all the stuff I've been saying so far is just my ideas, opinions, and theories. I really didn't have anything solid to go on when it came to this theory."

Keldeo then raised his head back up and smiled awkwardly as he said, "And . . . well, I can't just go up to a Sylveon and ask them about this. It would be beyond awkward and kinda heartless to make a Sylveon even _think_ about their Trainer being dead."

Keldeo nodded with determination and said, "So, I realized that there was only one thing to do. I had do Gaijin Goombah style."

Keldeo smiled and explained, "Gaijin Goombah is a YouTuber who explores the cultural influences in video games, TV shows, and other media. He hosts the show _Culture Shock_ on MatPat's channel _The Game Theorists,_ and he also has his own channel called _Gaijin Goombah Media._ Now, while MatPat focuses more on math and science on _Game Theory_ and _Film Theory,_ Gaijin Goombah is all about history and 's done videos on what real world objects Nintendo Miis are based on _**(TinyURL:**_ _ **gkvz5tc)**_ , whether or not Samurai Jack is really a samurai _**(y9c6tskn)**_ , and even the inspiration behind Princess Peach _**(**_ _ **yc8pzg4g**_ _ **)**_ and why her name is even Peach to begin with _ **(**_ _ **y8fsfrv7**_ _ **)**_."

Keldeo got excited, and he said, "And believe me, Gaijin's videos on Princess Peach is pretty awesome."

Keldeo then held up his right forehoof and said cautiously, " _Although,_ there _is_ a spoiler for _Super Mario Odyssey_ in it, so you might want to finish that game before you watch his second Princess Peach video. Just a heads up."

Keldeo waved his hoof and put it back down as he continued, "Anyway, I decided to follow Gaijin Goombah's example by doing some cultural research into Sylveon. I set out to find the cultural significance of Sylveon and her ribbons with the hope that the knowledge would allow me to find some connection between a Sylveon's life and the life of its trainer."

Keldeo gave a long, loud sigh, and he said with a look of longsuffering, "And I gotta tell ya, I know understand perfectly why Gaijin sounded so frustrated in his video on Princess Peach!"

 _ **Gaijin Goombah:**_ _"But why PEACHES!?"_

"Seriously, this research business is HARD!" Keldeo exclaimed, "I have to give Gaijin, MatPat, and other YouTubers like them a lot of credit for all of the research they do for their videos, especially when the information is so hard to find!"

Keldeo stopped to think for a moment, and he said, "But, then again, I kinda have a lot of other stuff to do. Most of my time is spent training as a Sword of Justice and protecting the Unova Region. I don't have as much time to devote to _Keldeo the Critic_ as these guys do for their YouTube channels. But still, their work really is impressive."

Keldeo refocused and said, "Anyway, as for my theory, the best lead I could find involves the ancient East Asian legend of The Red Thread of Fate. The legend states that gods tie invisible red threads around the ankles of people who are destined to meet each other and help each other out. But for some reason, only the Chinese say it's tied around the ankle. The Japanese and Koreans say it's tied around the little finger."

Keldeo paused for a moment and blinked in confusion. "Hey, wait a minute. If it's invisible. . . what's the point of it being _red_?"

Keldeo shook off his confusion and continued, "Whatever. Here's the Chinese proverb regarding the legend:"

* * *

 _An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break._

* * *

"Now, according to Chinese mythology, a moon god named Yuè Xià Lǎorén, also known as Yuè Lǎo, is the one who ties the string. He's also the Chinese god of marriage and spends all his time playing matchmaker. Here's a story about him I found on Wikipedia:"

* * *

 _Walking home one night, a young boy sees an old man (Yue Xia Lao) standing beneath the moonlight. The man explains to the boy that he is attached to his destined wife by a red thread. Yue Xia Lao shows the boy the young girl who is destined to be his wife. Being young and having no interest in having a wife, the young boy picks up a rock and throws it at the girl, running away. Many years later, when the boy has grown into a young man, his parents arrange a wedding for him. On the night of his wedding, his wife waits for him in their bedroom, with the traditional veil covering her face. Raising it, the man is delighted to find that his wife is one of the great beauties of his village. However, she wears an adornment on her eyebrow. He asks her why she wears it and she responds that when she was a young girl, a boy threw a rock at her that struck her, leaving a scar on her eyebrow. She self-consciously wears the adornment to cover it up. The woman is, in fact, the same young girl connected to the man by the red thread shown to him by Yue Xia Lao back in his childhood, showing that they were connected by the red thread of fate._

* * *

Keldeo blinked his eyes slowly, and he said, "Huh. . . that's an . . . interesting story. No disrespect to the culture, of course. It's just, on one hoof, it is very clever how it shows how people can be connected, even before they even meet. _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ taught a similar lesson back in the Season One episode _The Cutie Mark Chronicles._ But on the _other_ hoof, it seems to almost _justify_ arranged marriages. But then again, I suppose in ancient times, they were necessary and simply a part of life."

"So, okay, this is all interesting, but what does this have to do with Sylveon?"

Keldeo nodded and he began to explain, "Well, you gotta admit that this red thread has some similarities with Sylveon's ribbons. Sure, the red thread is more about romantic love, but both the thread and the ribbon are still _about love_. Maybe Sylveon is an adaption of the legend, where those ribbons symbolize platonic love rather than romantic love of the red thread."

"Plus, the way the Chinese proverb states that the thread _'will never break'_ supports my theory in two different ways. One way of looking at it is that since the thread, or ribbon, never breaks, when the Trainer dies, the Sylveon is kinda pulled into the afterlife by the unbreakable connection just so they can still be together. Another way of looking at involves interpreting _'will never break'_ in a figurative way, were it really means _'something bad will happen if it does break.'_ That is to say, when the connection between the Sylveon and the Trainer is broken by death, it creates such unbearable agony for the Sylveon that it can't survive it."

Keldeo looked very somber as he said this, but he managed to smile a little as he added, "But, as we saw with Sakura and Kira, this can all be avoided by setting up a loving bond between another human, so that when the first Trainer dies, the Sylveon can wrap its ribbon around someone else' arm. That way, the invisible red thread isn't broken, but simply untied from one Trainer and retied to another. But more often than not, I get the feeling that the bond between a Sylveon and its Trainer is similar to that of the bond between a dragon and its rider from _Eragon_."

* * *

 _Brom: A Rider can live on if his dragon is killed. But if he is killed..._

 _Saphira: So is his dragon._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged and said, "But hey! That's just a theory! A _Fanfic Theory!_ Thanks for reading!" Keldeo then turned and walked off.

However, as he stepped through the shallow water, Victini flew over to him holding a small cardboard box.

"Hey, Keldeo! I got a snack for you!" Victini said excitedly, and he opened the box.

Keldeo looked quite gleeful as he saw what was inside. "Ooh! A cupcake!" he said happily.

Keldeo held out his left forehoof, and Victini handed the cupcake to him. It was already unwrapped, and it was topped with light pink frosting, with the symbol for the Fairy-type made out of sugar on top of it. Keldeo took a bite, and he clearly enjoyed it.

"Mmmph! Wow! This is really _good_! Thanks, Victini!" Keldeo said.

Victini shook his head and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I didn't get it for you."

"Oh? Well then, who did?" Keldeo asked, right before taking another bite.

Victini smirked and replied, "A Sylveon. A male one."

Keldeo immediately stopped chewing, his eyes growing big and wide. He swallowed the cake in his mouth, then he threw his head back and yelled in a combination of horror and rage, "BISCUUUUUUUITS!"

* * *

 _ **Next Review: "Sylveon Loves Cupcakes"**_

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Snow Sick_ by dark magician alice

 _Pokemon Sun and Moon_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _The Game Theorists_

Game Theory

Film Theory

Culture Shock

 _Gaijin Goombah Media_

 _Wikipedia_

 _MY Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- S1 E23: The Cutie Mark Chronicles_

 _Eragon (2006)_


	16. Sylveon Loves Cupcakes Part 1

A hot pink background appeared, and the music for the Classic Walt Disney Pictures intro played. However, instead of the Disney castle appearing on screen, a light pink full moon appeared. On the moon was the silhouette of a Sylveon. There was a flash of light, and the words _"Sylveon Month"_ written in the iconic Walt Disney font appeared underneath the moon. Two pairs of ribbons arced out from the Sylveon silhouette and made a double heart shape over the pink moon.

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Five:** _ **Sylveon's Revenge**_ **and** _ **Sylveon Loves Cupcakes**_ **by Muffinypowers**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL: ybfuzbom**

Keldeo walked grumpily through the shallow water, muttering to himself darkly with his head hanging low.

"Stupid, annoying, horrible, insane, dumb, crazy, ridiculous. . ." Keldeo muttered to himself as he walked towards the rock he did his review on.

"Hi!" came a cheerful voice.

Keldeo looked up and saw Serena's Sylveon standing on the platform with a smile on her face.

"Sylveon?" Keldeo asked in confusion.

"Yep! It's me!" Sylveon said happily, closing her eyes as she rocked side to side with glee, "It's been a while since we've seen each other last, hasn't it."

Keldeo nodded as he recalled the event. "Yeah. We did that review of _A Pika Childhood_ by Bluewolfbat. You were still an Eevee back then, right?"

"Yep!" Sylveon replied as she winked her eye at Keldeo.

"Are you still a member of the Kawaii Club?" Keldeo asked.

"For-ev-er!" Sylveon said proudly, standing up tall and blinking her eyes expressively at Keldeo.

"Good, good," Keldeo said as he nodded slowly. Then he stared at Sylveon and asked, "So, what exactly are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help you with this review!" Sylveon said happily.

". . .You're here to review this story with me?" Keldeo asked slowly, his eyes staring widely at Sylveon.

"Yep!"

"Of your own free will?"

"Yep!"

". . .Are you a masochist!?" Keldeo shouted in utter disbelief.

Confused by this, Sylveon shrank back and said, "Wha- what do you mean Keldeo?" She then got her smile back on and chuckled a bit, letting her ribbons flow out around her, "It's Sylveon Month! All of the fanfics have Sylveons in them! Nothing with a Sylveon in it can be bad!"

Keldeo sighed and shook his head, "Sylveon, listen to me. Anything can be bad or good. It all depends on what the author does. If you want to do this review with me, fine. At the very least you will have learned something."

Keldeo jumped onto the rock next to Sylveon and took his position for the review, "So, today we are going to review a story that is actually quite infamous in the fanfic reviewer community. That is to say, it's already been reviewed, not by one reviewer, but two! I'm talking about _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes_ by Muffinypowers. It was reviewed by both Genesect and Arceus in chapter 50 of the _Angry Bug Show_ by DragonNiro as a special collab review. And boy was it awful!"

"It couldn't have been _that_ bad," Sylveon said.

"Yes, it was," Keldeo said seriously, "Yes, it _is._ This fanfic is bad. It's really, _really_ bad. And now it's my. . . _our turn_ to review it."

Keldeo looked as if the weight of the world was on his back as he droned on, "We are going to dive into such horrible insanity and pain that by the end of this, we will be so emotionally and physically drained of nearly every drop of our-."

" _Keldeo!_ " Sylveon said in a singsong voice as she playfully began brushing her ribbons against Keldeo's sides and belly.

Keldeo gasped as he began spluttering with laughter. " _Pfft! Wah!_ Sylveon! No, stop!"

"Come on, Keldeo! Cheer up!" Sylveon said as she smiled cutely, all the while tickling Keldeo harder.

" _Pfft! Eugh! Pfft-_ AHAHAHAHA! _**STOP!**_ " Keldeo exclaimed as he jumped sideways away from Sylveon's ribbons. He then pointed at her with his right forehoof and said, "If you keep this up, Bunnelby will kill me, and Meloetta will kill _you_!"

Sylveon's smile disappeared as her eyes widened in realization. She quickly brought her ribbons in close and said with a fierce blush on her face, "I was just trying to cheer you up! That's it, I promise."

"I know, I know," Keldeo replied as he stepped back into reviewing position. "So, yeah, we're in for a pretty rough review. A review of a fanfic that not even Arceus and Genesect _together_ could comprehend."

Keldeo then held up his right forehoof and said, "But first! Let us take a look at the prequel to this travesty!"

Sylveon blinked in confusion, "There's a prequel?"

"Yeah. It's called _Sylveon's Revenge_ ," Keldeo said.

* * *

 **Sylveon's Revenge**

 _By: Muffinypowers_

 _Sometimes all you need is a little push in the right direction. Sylveon...helps? Kalosshipping aka JeT'aimeshipping. One shot._

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - [Calem/Calme, Serena] - Words: 887 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: Feb 24, 2014 - Status: Complete - id: 10141448_

* * *

"I'm honestly surprised neither Genesect or Arceus thought to look at this first, but they didn't! So, it's my duty to take a look at this first before we get into the main event," Keldeo said begrudgingly, "So, without further ado, let's take a look _Sylveon's Revenege._ "

"So, we open up with- WOW! Zero seconds! It took zero seconds for me the find a problem with this fanfic! That's a new academy record!" Keldeo said in amazement.

Sylveon looked utterly confused, "Huh? But we didn't even start reading it yet!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Exactly. You see, the first problem here is with the title. Usually, when a title has _'revenge'_ in it, it's usually a sequel to something else. That way, it has some kind of context to what the character wants revenge for. But this is the very first fanfic Muffinypowers ever wrote! How can Sylveon want revenge on anything when nothing has happened yet."

Sylveon leaned in towards Keldeo and suggested, "But couldn't the thing that makes the Sylveon want revenge happen within _this_ story."

Keldeo nodded, "Maybe. Maybe. Let's take a look-"

"Wait a minute!" Sylveon shouted, looking quite shocked at the moment, "I just noticed something! Why is Serena paired up with some guy named Calem?"

"Oh, this isn't the Serena from the Anime," Keldeo explained, "This is the Serena from the Games, and she has a crush on Calem."

"Oh. . . so this isn't _my_ Serena?" Sylveon said, her ribbons falling in disappointment.

"I'm afraid not. These stories might have turned out better if it were," Keldeo said sadly.

"Okay. . . but wait, who's Calem?" Sylveon asked curiously.

"Uh. . . the male version of Serena?" Keldeo answered slowly, smiling sheepishly afterward.

Sylveon just stared at him.

"Whatever!" Keldeo said, "Let's just get into this thing."

* * *

 _This was her first time looking out this window, and she wasn't planning on forgetting it anytime soon. There were stars shining in the soft glow of the moon, sparkling and seeming to dance before her eyes. There was only one thing missing._

 _However, that idiot was probably in his stupid room playing with his stupid Delphox and giving him stupid treats and stupid stupid stupid-_

 _Stahp._

* * *

Keldeo and Sylveon blinked.

"Uh, wait," Keldeo said awkwardly, "Did Serena tell herself to stop? Or did the narrator tell Serena to stop?"

"Or maybe the narrator told herself to stop?" Sylveon suggested.

* * *

 _The honey-haired girl put her hand on Chesnaught's back, and the Pokémon let out a happy sort of growl. Despite her tough appearance, Chesnaught was sweet and gentle. She enjoyed helping out her trainer when necessary._

 _"Ugh, that idiot... I don't need him, though, do I, Chesnaught." Her Pokémon waved its tail, and seemed to understand perfectly._

 _"Ches, Chesnaught." Serena smiled at the Grass/Fighting type, her beloved starter._

* * *

"Huh. . ." Keldeo said.

"What?" Sylveon asked.

"This is actually kinda nice," Keldeo said in amazement, "Serena and Chesnaught are having a sweet moment together as she talks about her boy trouble."

* * *

 _Then, by coincidence, her Eevee stepped into the room, making her remember something she was going to tell him._

 _"Oh, Eevee! I've decided what to evolve you into!" As she said this, Eevee looked at her with confusion and worry, perhaps judging from her happy tone and how rare this was. "Absolutely nothing, that's what!" He seemed sad at this; Serena wondered if he actually wanted to evolve. It was hard to say how he knew; maybe it was the bond that Serena seemed to share with all her Pokémon. He jumped onto the windowsill outside of her room, making his way down to Santalune Forest. Serena sighed, sitting down on her bed._

* * *

"Is this where the revenge comes in?" Sylveon asked, looking slightly worried at this, "He's mad at Serena for not wanting him to evolve?"

Keldeo shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, you could also interpret this as Serena liking her Eevee just the way he is. After all, _your_ Serena didn't try to evolve you on purpose. Your evolution into Sylveon just happened as a result of the love you shared."

Sylveon smiled, and her eyes seemed to glow as she recalled the moment of her evolution. "Yes. That's right. It was just so wonderful. . ."

Keldeo nodded, but frowned as he said, "But still, this fanfic is called _Sylveon Revenge,_ so I suppose Eevee is going to interpret this in a _negative_ manner."

* * *

 _"Chesnaught, what am I to do? I'm bored, and I can't talk to stupid Calem, because all he does is give his stupid Delphox stupid Poké Puffs and stupid stupid-"_

 _Chesnaught put her hand on Serena's shoulder as if to repeat her earlier 'stop.'_

* * *

"Is this supposed to be a running gag?" Keldeo said in annoyance, "Serena gets caught in a loop of saying the word 'stupid' over and over again until someone says 'stop'. That doesn't even make any sense?"

Sylveon shuddered and said, "Oh my gosh, imagine if _my_ Serena did that!"

 _ **Serena:**_ _"Ugh! Team Rocket is just so stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid-."_

 _ **Ash:**_ _"Clemont! Serena's broken again!"_

* * *

 _That's when the doorbell decided to ring._

 _Oh,_ _now_ _her neighbor decided to show up. But, when she opened the door, something surprised her. Instead of Delphox next to him as she expected, he now had...Sylveon?_

* * *

"But that's impossible!" Sylveon cried out, "How did he evolve into a Sylveon without his Trainer nearby to love him?"

* * *

 _"Did your Eevee get out, by any chance?" he asked, annoyed at how Sylveon was making it near impossible for him to move by wrapping his ribbons around him._

 _"Y-yes... But how did it-?"_

 _"I don't know. I guess it found a Fletchling or something," he said. "Probably wandered off into the forest."_

* * *

"A Fletchling? Huh?" Keldeo said, now completely confused, "What does that have to do with anything? Did he love the Fletchling, and the Fletchling love him back?"

"But that's not how it works!" Sylveon complained, "It's the love of a Trainer that allows Eevees to evolve into Sylveons. This makes no sense! And how is this even revenge? I don't understand"

* * *

 _He picked up the small, ribbon-covered Pokémon, and passed it to her._

 _"So, is that it? That's all you came here for?"_

 _"Uh, actually... Sylveon, can you let go of me?" Sylveon had curled one of his ribbon-like feelers around Calem, making the atmosphere extremely cozy, and in Serena's mind, extremely uncomfortable._

 _"Actually what?" Chesnaught patted her back as she said this, and she wondered how her starter had gotten so powerful as to hurt her with a tap. A supportive Pokémon was great, but this wasn't exactly helpful. Ow._

 _Sylveon touched Serena with the remaining feelers, eventually wrapping her up as well. He cuddled both of the entangled trainers close by him, and in effect forced them together._

* * *

Keldeo tilted his head in confusion, " _That's_ the revenge? Forcing Serena to be close to the guy she has a crush on? That's not revenge! That's practically a favor!"

"Hmmm," Sylveon said, seemingly in thought, "I wonder what would've happened if I had done something like this with Serena and Ash."

* * *

 _"Just because Sylveon made things awkward doesn't mean you have to add to that!" she said, shaking her head. She was trying to convince herself that she wasn't going crazy with the way her heart was working._

 _"But you do feel it... right?"_

 _"I never said that." She was blushing, though, and the event seemed to trigger her Chesnaught into a perky grin, the same way it acted when she fed it Poké Puffs. Sylveon took the opportunity to vanish out the window again before Serena's attention could turn back to him. They were definitely having a talk later, though._

* * *

Keldeo leaned forward a bit and said, "This is getting really good and romantic. The writing is actually pretty well done here."

* * *

 _Calem sent out his Delphox, and for once Serena didn't protest. "I thought it would be better with two Pokémon, instead of just us and Chesnaught," he said. "Though your Sylveon helped me a lot." She gave him a you-had-better-not-tell-anyone-about-this-or-I'll-kill-you look, one that he was familiar with from experience._

 _"Don't think that I won't have him Moonblast your Altaria, though." She let out that rare smile, but covered it quickly with her normal expression._

 _"So... maybe we can battle tomorrow?"_

 _"Count on it. Now..." Serena pointed to the door. "Out. It's almost midnight."_

 _"That's why I wanted to stay," he said, awaiting her typical sigh-slap combo._

 _"Out," she said, ignoring the slap part but sighing. "Come on, I said I'd battle you. Isn't that enough?" She pushed him and Delphox out the door, shutting it behind him._

* * *

Sylveon chuckled and said, "Aw! What adorable banter!"

"Yeah," Keldeo added, "It kinda reminds me of Nick and Judy from _Zootopia._ "

* * *

 _He sighed, walking down the sidewalk back to his own house. "Well, at least she cares enough to rival me. Right, Delphox?"_

 _In answer, the fox magician nodded his head._

 _"I'm glad you're my teammate."_

 _Delphox ignored him, focusing instead on his tail and the long stick that was buried in the fluff. He whipped it out, lighting up the world around him._

 _"You're never going to change, are you?" Calem laughed, and Delphox put the stick away, and looked to his trainer's constantly changing emotions. Some of joy, some of sadness, some of regret..._

 _Delphox didn't mind Sylveon quite as much now._

* * *

". . . . . . . . ." went Keldeo.

". . . . . . . . ." went Sylveon.

"THAT WAS _**GOOD**_!" Keldeo shouted, his eyes wide with disbelief. Then he panted a bit to catch his breath, then he added in a calmer tone, "Seriously. . . that was. . . _nice._ It was downright adorable."

Sylveon giggled happily and said, "Ya see, Keldeo! _Everything's_ better with a Sylveon!"

Keldeo nodded his head slowly, and he smiled, "Well, I wouldn't say that, but I have to admit, this fanfic really did prove me wrong. I really shouldn't have judged it so harshly. It's a nice one-shot romance featuring the two main characters from the Games, along with the Pokemon they've managed to bond with. Sure, there are _some_ problems, but they aren't _that_ bad. They can even be explained away. Like, this story was probably written before you evolved in the Anime, where we saw the ribbon come out of your fur and wrap around Serena's arm before you evolved. Maybe Muffinypowers figured that as long as an Eevee has love from its Trainer, it can evolve anywhere and anytime, even when it's away from its Trainer. All in all, _Sylveon Revenge,_ in spite of its weird, off-putting name, is a very sweet and nice fanfic."

"It certainly is!" Sylveon chimed in, "It's a story about a Sylveon who wants to do what's best for his Trainer. Eevee involves into a Pokemon Serena didn't knew she needed, and helped to bring Serena and Calem together in a kind of good natured revenge that's tongue in cheek and ends up satisfying everyone involved! This is a clever story by a clever writer!"

Keldeo nodded in agreement, and then his eyes suddenly lit up as he said, "Heeeey. . . maybe _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes_ won't be so bad after all! Maybe Arceus and Genesect overdid their reactions and played up all the bad parts!"

Sylveon nodded her head enthusiastically and said, "I bet you're right about that Keldeo! I mean, it's a Sylveon with sweets! How could you go wrong with that!"

"Right! In fact, how about we give the story a quick read before we go into reviewing it!" Keldeo suggested.

"Okay!" Sylveon said gleefully.

* * *

 _ **One reading later. . .**_

* * *

Curled up in a fetal position in the shallow water, Keldeo was crying as he exclaimed, "OH MY GOSH, IT'S SO TERRIBLE! IT'S SO _ **TERRIBLE!**_ " He stuck his right forehoof into his mouth and chomped on hard hoof as he continued to cry.

Meanwhile, Sylveon was seemingly going insane on the rock platform. She cried out in anguish as she hit the sides of her head with her fore paws, and then proceeded to repeatedly slap her cheeks with her ribbons.

Keldeo finally took his hoof out of his mouth to let out several additional loud cries as Sylveon finally stopped hitting herself and fell off of the rock platform, splashing into the shallow water as she cried along with Keldeo.

* * *

 _ **We'll be right back!**_


	17. Musical Skit- 2

_Through inspiration from_

 _ **Sylveon Trolls Shiny Pokemon**_ **by Courtney (ProjectSNT)**

 _and_

 _ **Don't Hug Me I'm Scared**_

 _Matthais Unidostres presents_

" _ **Gotta Get Creative"**_

* * *

The ticking of a clock was the only thing that could be heard in the kitchen as Serena and her three Pokemon sat in boredom.

Braixen, Pancham, and Serena were seated at the square kitchen table in that order, doing nothing in particular. Pancham had his forepaws up on the table due to his shortness, while Serena simply had her arms at her sides. Braixen's forepaws were folded in her lap as she sighed and looked around rather aimlessly. Serena was looking upwards in thought while Pancham was frowning sourly.

Suddenly, Sylveon slowly rose up between Briaxen and Pancham, and began to sing.

" _What's your favorite idea?_

 _Mine is being creative."_

Surprised, Serena asked, "How do you get the idea?"

" _I just try to think, creatively."_

Sylveon pointed at an Oran berry on the table with one of her ribbons.

" _Now when you look at this orange,_

 _tell me please, what do you see?"_

Pancham rolled his eyes and replied, "It's just a boring old berry!"

Sylveon just smiled and shook her head.

" _Maybe to you, but not to me."_

The Oran berry suddenly became animated, with a cartoon face an stick figure legs.

 _"I see a silly face!"_

"WOW!" Serena exclaimed.

" _Walking around and smiling at me."_

Pancham frowned and said, "I don't see what you mean."

Sylveon chuckled and wagged her right forepaw at Pancham.

" _'Cause you're not thinking creatively!"_

Sylveon then wiggled her ears a bit.

" _So take a look at my ears."_

"COOL!" Serena and Pancham said.

" _I use my ears to express myself."_

With a deadpanned expression, Braixen remarked, "That sounds really boring."

Sylveon continued to smile as she gave Braixen a long, unblinking stared with her shiny blue eyes.

" _I use my ears to express myself."_

Sylveon then motioned to the window with one of her ribbons.

" _Now when you stare at the clouds in the sky,_

 _don't you find it exciting?"_

"No," the other three replied, with a mixture of looks that ranged from confused to bored.

Sylveon sent out all four of her ribbons and used them to frame the window within them.

" _Come on, take another look."_

"Oh right!" the other three said, all of them suddenly becoming excited as a cloud in the sky suddenly began changing shape, causing them to start singing.

"I can see a hat, I can see a cat,

I can see a man with a baseball bat!

I can see a dog, I can see a frog,

I can see a ladder leaning on a log!"

Sylveon withdrew her ribbons as giggled as she tapped her noggin with one of them.

" _Think you're getting the hang of it now_

 _Using your minds, to have a good time."_

Serena proudly held up a canvas depicting a Lucario and said, "I just painted Korrina's Lucario!"

Sylveon smiled awkwardly as she quickly held out one of her ribbons as if gesturing for Serena to pause.

" _Woah there Trainer,_

 _You need to slow down!"_

Sylveon then swung her ribbons, launching a Swift attack that shredded the painting. Serena stared at the ruined painting in shock, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open. Serena then slowly turned to look at Sylveon, who was standing on the floro next to her with an innocent look on her face.

" _Here's another good tip!"_

"Yeah?" the other three asked.

" _On how to be a creative wiz-kid._

 _Go collect some Pokemon_

 _and change them into your favorite color."_

"Blue!" Braixen said, holding up a picture of a shiny Ditto.

"Red!" Pancham said, holding up a picture of a shiny Dusclops.

"Green!" Serena said, holding up a picture of a shiny Azurill.

Sylveon quickly made an X over the picture of Azurill with her ribbons.

" _Green is not a creative_ _ **COLOR!**_ _"_

Serena shrank back when she heard the anger in Sylveon's voice, and saw the anger on her face.

Sylveon immediately became cheerful again and started walking towards the refrigerator.

" _There's one more thing that you need to know,_

 _Before you let your creativity flow._

 _Listen to your heart,_

 _Listen to the rain,_

 _Listen to the voices in your brain."_

Sylveon used her ribbons to pull open the refrigerator.

" _Come on, guys!_

 _Gotta get creative!"_

As Sylveon looked inside the refrigerator, the ones at the table began to do stuff.

" _Gotta get creative!"_

Serena was making pretty bows with some blue ribbon, Pancham was stamping the symbols of various Pokemon types on a piece of orange construction paper, and Braixen was drawing circles with an orange crayon.

" _Gotta get creative, gotta get creative, gotta get creative."_

Sylveon suddenly used her ribbons to pull a plastic case of four pink cupcakes out of the refrigerator. She set them on the table, and everyone was quick to take one. The four them all took a bite, and the room was suddenly filled with a flash of pink light.

Horrendous, off-key music filled the room when the light faded, and the music only got louder and louder. Serena suddenly spun around, twirling the blue ribbon around her as it got tangled around everything. Pancham started running around, stamping Type symbols on the walls, furniture, and floor. Braixen took out her branch and launched a Flamethrower at the table, and started dancing around the fire crazily.

Suddenly, there was loud scream, and Braixen, Pancham, and Serena suddenly found themselves sitting back around the table again.

Sylveon was sitting nearby, smiling nervously.

" _Now let's all agree,_

 _To never eat cupcakes again."_

"YES!" Braixen, Serena, and Pancham shouted in agreement.

* * *

 _ **Sylveon Trolls Shiny Pokemon**_ **by Courtney (ProjectSNT)- TinyURL: yarnvnmr**

 _ **Don't Hug Me I'm Scared-**_ **TinyURL: 7jca7uc**


	18. Sylveon Loves Cupcakes Part 2

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Five:** _ **Sylveon's Revenge**_ **and** _ **Sylveon Loves Cupcakes**_ **by Muffinypowers**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL: ybfuzbom**

Victini and Munna floated back to back over the rock platform, each of them feeding Pokepuffs to Keldeo and Sylveon respectively as they sat in the shallow water.

"Better now?" Victini asked as Keldeo savored the taste of the Supreme Summer Pokepuff.

Keldeo licked his lips eagerly and nodded enthusiastically as he replied, "Much better."

"And you?" Munna said as she levitated a Supreme Spring Pokepuff into Sylveon's mouth.

Sylveon ate up the Pokepuff in four bites and laughed joyfully.

Victini nodded to Munna and said with a smile, "Alright. It looks like our work here is done."

"Uh-huh," Munna said, "Now it's time we left these two to finish this review."

Sylveon's eyes widened and she said, "Huh?"

Keldeo nodded gravely and said, "Come on, Sylveon. We started this, so we gotta finish it."

"But I don't wanna!" shouted Serena's Sylveon, and she fell down flat in the water and covered her head with her forepaws.

"Ugh! I'm out of here!" Munna shouted, and she flew off.

"Hey! Wait up!" Victini shouted as he followed after her, "I have an idea to make this review more interesting!"

After the two of them left, Keldeo hopped back onto the rock platform and said gently to Sylveon, "Listen, Sylveon. You consider yourself to be a better Sylveon than the one in this fanfic, right."

Sylveon uncovered her head and quickly stood up. "Of course!" she said assuredly, "I helped Serena get as far as she did in the Pokemon Showcase scene."

"Then prove it," Keldeo said determinedly, "Review this fanfic with me, and show the whole world how strong you really are. Make Serena proud."

Keldeo then held out his right forehoof to Sylveon in invitation. Sylveon stared at it for a moment, then nodded as she made up her mind. She placed her left forepaw on top of the hoof, and then stepped up onto the platform.

The pair stood side by side, and Keldeo gave a nod himself and said, "Okay then. . ." He took a deep breath, let it out, and said solemnly, " _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes._ "

* * *

 _ **Sylveon Loves Cupcakes**_

 _By: Muffinypowers_

 _If your Sylveon asks you for a cupcake, it's probably not the best idea to give it to him. Just sayin'._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Yveltal, Calem/Calme, Serena, Sylveon - Words: 921 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: Mar 23, 2014 - Status: Complete - id: 10210751_

* * *

"Every once and while, you come across a story that's so completely insane and illogical that it makes you question your own sanity," Keldeo explained, " _This_ is one of those stories."

"Um, can we just start now. Please?" Sylveon asked gently.

Keldeo sighed, "Sure, why not. This is the sequel to _Sylveon's Revenge,_ which is ironic because I'm pretty sure anyone who reads this will want to get some revenge. This is _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes._ "

"Let _me_ talk about the title this time," Sylveon interjected as she drew herself up confidentially.

"Sure, go ahead," Keldeo said.

"This title could have created a much better story," Sylveon explained, "You know what it reminds me of? That classic children's book _If You Give a Mouse a Cookie_ written by Laura Numeroff and illustrated by Felicia Bond. You know, that story that takes the title and goes on and on with it."

Sylveon chuckled happily and said, "Giving the mouse the cookie starts this whole domino effect of funny things that just builds and builds until the whole thing comes full circle. Now, _that_ could have been funny and clever."

Sylveon frowned and said, "But instead, we get. . . whatever this fanfic is trying to do."

* * *

 _"Sylveon! Are you okay?" A young Trainer was kneeling down by a Fairy-type in Santalune Forest, yelling about how he was an idiot and not to jump out the stupid window and run to the stupid forest and stupid stupid stupid-_

 _Stahp._

* * *

Keldeo groaned, "Again, with this running gag! Seriously, did the author listen to _Ice, Ice Baby_ while writing this or something- _why is it so chilly all of a sudden!?_ "

Sylveon shivered and wrapped her ribbons around herself to try and keep warm.

Keldeo looked down and gasped, "What the-?"

The shallow water all around them was suddenly frozen solid into ice.

"What's going-?" Keldeo began, but was cut off by Sylveon.

"Shh-shh-shh! Do you hear that?" Sylveon asked as she lifted up her ears.

Keldeo listened, and soon he was able to hear a rap beat in the background.

"What is _that_?" Keldeo asked.

" _Under Pressure_!" Sylveon said excitedly.

Keldeo gave a deadpanned expression and said, "Uhhhh, no. . ."

Suddenly, May's Glaceon slid noiselessly across the ice towards Sylveon. She leaned in close to Sylveon's left ear and said, " _Stahp_."

Sylveon turned her head fast to look at the Glaceon with wide eyes. The Glaceon smirked as she began walking in place on the ice while she started rapping to the beat.

" _Collaborate and listen!  
Glaceon's here with a certain contention  
Loathing. . . grabs a hold of me tightly  
Scheming against Tinkerbell daily and nightly  
Will it ever stop? Well, I don't know  
Turn off the lights, ha! and I'll glow  
To the extreme, I make my foes look anaemic  
Light up a stage and squash a Fairy like a Joltic."_

Glaceon then began stepping rapidly in place, lifting her legs high every time as she continued.

" _Dance!  
Bum rush the speaker that booms  
I'm killing your brain like Poison Powder from a Vileplume  
Deadly, when I play a cool melody  
Anything less that the best is a felony  
Love it or leave it, you better gain way  
I always hit the bull's eye, 'cause I don't play  
Fairies are a problem, my Iron Tail solves it  
Check out the hook while the DJs revolve it."_

Victini and Munna suddenly flew in wearing ridiculous looking costumes. Munna had a huge cap on backwards and a gold chain hanging around her body. Victini was wearing dark sunglasses and a golden alarm clock hanging around his neck. Both of them were wrapping along to the beat as Glaceon stopped dancing and simply stood with her tail swinging back and forth like a pendulum.

" _Ice-Type Eevee. . . . . . Glaceon  
Ice-Type Eevee. . . . . . Glaceon  
Ice-Type Eevee. . . . . . Glaceon  
Ice-Type Eevee. . . . . . Glaceon."_

Sylveon was visibly unimpressed, frowning at the Ice-type. "You call _that_ dancing?" she challenged. She then jumped onto the ice and started sliding across it with one paw raised elegantly. She used her ribbons to not only propel herself, but also to steer herself in a tight circle as she took her turn to rap.

" _Take heed, 'cause I'm a Pixilating poet  
Showcases are my scene just in case you didn't know it  
A big frown will be on your face when you're down  
Smack you hard enough to dig holes in the ground  
While your face is a chemical spill!  
My style is the kind you can feel  
Cuteness and Charm, that's a winning combination  
I'll Intertwine your face!" _

Sylveon twirled around on the ice, and then came to a sudden stop. She began hopping up and down as she began using her ribbons like jump ropes as she continued rapping.

" _You don't want a piece of this!  
Now your flow will fade,  
Sting your skin like Swift, sting your eyes like a Fairy Wind  
Beauty and grace, I'm beating Valerie's glam  
Better than Pink Pokeblocks, gram-for-gram!  
Now I keep my composure, the shy Eevee's gone  
No soothing aura when I'm fighting Glaceon  
If there was a problem, __**you**_ _would be it  
Check out the hook while the DJs revolve it."_

Sylveon stood firm as her ribbons swayed to the beat. Munna and Victini flew over to her started rapping to the beat again.

" _Fairy-Type Eevee. . . . . . Sylveon  
Fairy-Type Eevee. . . . . . Sylveon  
Fairy-Type Eevee. . . . . . Sylveon  
Fairy-Type Eevee. . . . . . Sylveon."_

Glaceon just rolled her eyes and said, " _Pfft!_ Whatever! I'm out of here. Word to your-."

"NO!" Victini shouted as he flew over to Glaceon and covered her mouth, "Do NOT say _that_ around Keldeo! EVER! You'll be sorry! I know it from experience."

Glaceon pushed Victini's paws off of her mouth, then turned around and pushed off with her right foreleg to slide away.

"Hey, I'm not finished with you yet, Dangles!" Sylveon called out as she used her ribbons to grab onto Glaceon.

The Ice-Type growled as she was pulled back in by the Fairy-Type's ribbons. "Oh, you wanna go, Tinkerbell? Fine!" she said as she turned to face Sylveon, "It's time to-."

"STOP!" Keldeo called out.

The two Eeveelutions turned to look at Keldeo.

"Didn't Matthais dedicate a whole story to you girls fighting?" Keldeo complained in annoyance, "I mean, come on, why do you gotta fight on _my_ show?"

Sylveon pouted, notably while she continued to hold onto Glaceon tightly in her ribbons, and she said, "Matthais hasn't updated that story in TWO YEARS!"

"And besides," Glaceon chimed in, glaring at the ribbons around her midsection, "We have a right to fight each other wherever we are!"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Keldeo called out desperately, "Think about this, Sylveon! Don't you see that you're losing focus of the _real_ evil here?"

Sylveon blinked her eyes, and she lowered her head sadly, "You're right, Keldeo. This isn't about my rivalry with May's Glaceon. It's about this terrible, awful fanfic: _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes._ " She then looked up at Glaceon and said, "And we need all the help we can get to take this thing down."

Sylveon released Glaceon from her ribbons, and then walked over to her. She extened her right forepaw to the Ice-Type and said, "You can help us put this fanfic on ice. Truce?"

Glaceon stared at Sylveon, studying her face. Then she smiled and held out her own right forepaw. "Truce!" she said.

Keldeo smiled as she watched Glaceon and Sylveon shake paws.

Then Glaceon suddenly spun around and hit Sylveon in the face with Iron Tail. Sylveon cried out and fell to the ground.

"WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted in shock.

"PSYCHE!" Glaceon exclaimed with a big smirk, "I _LOVE_ this fanfic!"

"You _do?!_ Then get out of here!" Keldeo shouted angrily.

Glaceon looked challengingly at Keldeo and said, "What? You afraid of a little devil's advocate in your reviews?"

Keldeo stared Glaceon down and said, "A Sword of Justice doesn't back down to _any_ challenge. You're on."

"Good," Glaceon replied.

Sylveon groaned and she shakily got to her feet. "But. . . _why_ do you like this fanfic?" she asked.

Glaceon smiled sweetly at Sylveon and said, "Because I hate you."

Sylveon frowned and got back up on the rock platform with Keldeo. She went over to Keldeo's laptop and typed into it with her ribbons. She then turned the screen around so that it faced Glaceon, revealing a YouTube video called _Dr. Doe's Chemical Kitchen._ On screen was an Animal Crossing looking anthropomorphic deer standing in a kitchen wearing a lab coat and an apron. Sylveon hit a key with a ribbon and the video played from where she had paused it.

 _ **Dr. Doe:**_ _"I am going to kick your-."_

"WOAH!" Keldeo shouted as he quickly closed the laptop with his hoof, "Sylveon! I'm surprised at you! We can't have _that_ in this show!"

"I hate Dangles so much," Sylveon said quietly, looking slightly embarrassed at what she tried to do.

Keldeo groaned and said, "Can we _please_ get back to the review?"

"Sure!" Glaceon said as she hopped up on to the platform on Keldeo's opposite side.

* * *

 _"I need... cupcakes... Please, Trainer..." the Pokémon responded. "Cup... cakes..."_

 _"Of course, Sylveon, anything for you- Wait, how are you talking to me?" Serena said, taking Sylveon in her arms._

* * *

"Wait, what!? How can he talk? He didn't talk in _Sylveon's Revenge,_ so why can he talk now?" Keldeo asked in bewilderment.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Glaceon said indignantly, "How come it's okay for Toadettegirl2012 to have Pokemon talk in her fanfics, but not in Muffinypowers' fanfics!"

"Because Toadettegirl doesn't have the character question it," Keldeo explained, "Ash and Iris can talk with their Pokemon. It's not shown to be weird or out of the ordinary. It's just something they can do, so it's easier to roll with. People do it all the time, it just flows smoothly along with your suspension of disbelief. But when you call attention to it like this, it just seems jarring and confusing!"

"You're just _still_ trying to kiss up to Toadettegirl," Glaceon argued.

Keldeo turned to Sylveon and said, "Biscuits, she _is_ awful."

"Told ya!" Sylveon said with a wink and a smile.

* * *

 _"Shut up... cupcakes."_

* * *

Glaceon smiled and said, "Hey, this Sylveon is almost as rude as you, Tinkerbell!"

"Hmph!" was Sylveon's only reply.

* * *

 _Serena nodded in response, passing him a pink cupcake. He rolled out of her lap into some vacant grass, which a Panpour- Wait, Pansage- No, Pansear- No, it was Pansage after all- Panstupid- tried to walk into. Serena began to yell some words at it that would put anyone to shame, and the Panstupid sped away._

* * *

Munna floated over slowly with a pensive look on her face. "Hmm. . . I think this might be racist against the Unova Monkey Trio, but I can't be sure." Then she floated away, lost in thought.

Glaceon stared after her, and she said to Keldeo, "Don't you find her annoying?"

"Yeah, so?" Keldeo replied with a shrug.

Sylveon quickly interjected, "So, Calem comes over to Serena and Sylveon and tries to warn her not to give him to cupcake, which _would_ have prevented this fanfic from happening. Unfortunately, he's too late."

* * *

 _"And why shouldn't I give him the cupcake?" Sylveon nabbed the treat from his Trainer's hand. Then, a symbol appeared behind him. The Mega Evolution symbol. Oh, Muk. They were screwed. His ribbons multiplied until he was covered, and he grew some wings that matched his eyes and fur perfectly. He fluttered into the air, and Serena and Calem watched._

* * *

Keldeo stared blankly for a moment, then he turned to Sylveon, who was frowning and looking very annoyed.

". . .Is this a Fairy-Type thing?" Keldeo asked tentatively, "Transforming after eating something?"

"No," Sylveon replied.

". . . Is there a way to grind up Mega Stones and put them into baked goods?"

"No."

". . .Could the cupcake-?"

"No!" Sylveon shouted

"Then why in the name of biscuits does the cupcake make him Mega Evolve?!" Keldeo shouted.

"I don't know!" Sylveon cried out in desperation.

"Oh, use your brains!" Glaceon shouted impatiently, "Swirlix evolves into Slurpuff when its traded while holding a Whipped Dream! That's similar to what happens here!"

"But they don't _Mega_ Evolve!" Keldeo shouted, "There's not a scene in the Anime where Miette's Slurpuff is like:"

 _ **Miette's Slurpuff:**_ _"Shut up, Miette. . . Get me a cupcake so I can Mega Evolve and blow up Serena so you can have Ash all to yourself."_

Sylveon sighed in resignation and said, "Let's just all agree that the author was probably either on a sugar high or really hungry when she wrote this."

Keldeo frowned and said, "There's no _'probably'_ about it."

". . .Wanna go get something to eat with our lovers after this?" Sylveon suggested.

"Yes," Keldeo replied quickly, but then he frowned and said, "And wait a minute, as crazy as the Mega Evolution twist is, I can't really understand Calem and Serena's reactions. Mega Evolution is a _good_ thing! Why are they so afraid and think they're doomed! It's _Serena's_ Pokemon!"

* * *

 _"Syl! Sylveon!" the Mega called out._

* * *

"Oh, and now he suddenly can't talk anymore!" Keldeo complained.

"He can only talk when he wants cupcakes!" Glaceon argued,

"That doesn't make any sense!" Sylveon argued back.

"It doesn't have to make sense, it's a random fanfic!" Glaceon maintained.

Keldeo frowned and said in a frustrated tone, "Yeah, but there's a difference between random and just plain _duuuuuuuumb_! Random is going an epic quest to look for stolen pancakes! Oh yeah, note to self: review _Keldeo And His Pancakes_ by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus. Anyway, dumb is trying to pass off things that make no sense and have no logic as things that _do_ make sense and _do_ have logic even though it's painfully obvious that they _don't_ make sense and _don't_ have logic!"

Glaceon suddenly became excited in spite of Keldeo's criticisms and said, "You want random! Just check out what happens next!"

* * *

 _After using Psyshock on a tree, which burst into pieces for no good reason, its wings grew larger. The ribbons turned into redness, which took over the blackness that Sylveon's fur had become. His back legs turned into a tail, which grew dark spikes on the end, and his front legs became tough-looking talons. Sylveon grew two curved horns on his head, which made him look like the letter Y._

 _"Did Sylveon just Mega Evolve, blow up a tree, then turn into Yveltal?" Serena asked._

 _"Yep," was Calem's reply._

* * *

"SEE! He turned into Yveltal!" Glaceon said as she bounced on her paws excitedly.

Still frustrated, Keldeo said, "I don't care that he turned into Yveltal! If anything, it just makes me angry because we just got cheated out of a Xerneas cameo!"

Sylveon nodded and said, "Yeah, wouldn't it have made more sense for the _Fairy-Type_ evolution to turn into the _Fairy-Type_ Legendary Pokemon?"

"Then it wouldn't have been random!" Glaceon argued.

"Fine!" Keldeo said, "So Calem and Serena run and hide while Yveltal-."

* * *

 _YvelSylveon, as he shall be referred to from now on_

* * *

"Fine! While YvelSylveon starts attacking everything around him because that's what Yveltal did in the movie," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"Well, this sucks. Hide!" Serena dragged Calem behind a tree. Yes, to hide from YvelSylveon. It was not very effective, however, because YvelSylveon blew it up. Serena watched from behind the destroyed tree, staring at a Panstupid trio that was hit by the red beam._

* * *

"What's with all the Pansage, Pansear, Panpour hate in this story?" Keldeo asked.

"No clue," both Sylveon and Glaceon said at the exact same time. Their eyes widened in horror as they stared at one another in disbelief.

"AHHH! We agreed on something!" Glaceon shouted.

"THE HORROR!" Sylveon shouted.

"Quick! We need something we can disagree on!" Glaceon said urgently.

* * *

 _"Is that thing a Dark/Flying now, or still a Sylveon? Because I have my Gengar with me." Calem said._

 _"What, did you replace that girly Clefable with it?"_

 _"No." Calem sent out Gengar, which was almost instantly OHKO'd by YvelSylveon's Dark Pulse. "Aw..."_

* * *

"I thought that was pointless," Sylveon said quickly.

"I thought that was funny!" Glaceon said.

The pair of Eeveelutions sighed in relief.

Keldeo shook his head and said, "These girls are really something else. Anyway, then YvelSylveon hits the human with Oblivion Wing, which _doesn't_ turn them to stone like in the movie, but instead just. . . knock them out. . . I guess?"

The Oblivion Wing hit both Trainers, vaporizing what was left of the tree they had hidden behind.

* * *

 _'Serena fainted! Calem also fainted!' The stupid unnecessary voice that always told Trainers what was going on, even though they already knew, would have said. 'Stupid awkward-moment-making Sylveon who happened to turn into Yveltal and kill everyone,' Serena thought, right before she fell to the ground, clutching her heart both because it was in pain and for dramatic effect._

* * *

"Wait, if this is Serena's thoughts, how is she aware of the text from the _game_?" Keldeo asked in confusion.

Sylveon looked utterly lost, and she said, "I'm not sure what you _or_ this version of Serena is talking about, but I'm just wondering why an attack that vaporized a tree only caused them to faint."

Keldeo huffed and said, "Well, I guess we're just gonna have to stuff in a sack with all the other plot holes in this story."

Victini then flew in carrying a huge sack over his shoulder. The sack had the words _'PLOT HOLES'_ printed on it.

"Aw, come on!" Victini complained as he huffed and puffed, "Don't add any more! It's heavy enough already!"

* * *

 _"Gah... ech... Bob the potato... nyah," were the brilliant last words that Calem said before he fainted alongside her._

* * *

Glaceon chuckled and said, "Hey! That sounds like a rejected _Veggie Tales_ character!"

"DON'T INSULT _VEGGIE TALES_!" Keldeo roared at her

"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!" Glaceon said as she cowered back away from the angry colt.

"Alright!" Keldeo said, sounding like he had already had enough of this, "So, where could the story possibly go from here?"

* * *

 _Suddenly, YvelSylveon paused. He landed on what was left of a tree, and looked back to his near-dead Trainer. She was on a grassy part of the ground, where some sun was shining, and it all looked rather peaceful. YvelSylveon devolved back into Mega Sylveon, and then back to normal Sylveon. He used the last of his wings to land beside Serena, and nudged her with his nose. He prepared the move she had just recently taught him from the TM she had gotten from Valerie, and used it on everything around him. Slowly, the forest came to life, like it was revived from Xerneas itself, and Serena woke up with a groan._

* * *

"IT MAKES NO SENSE!" Keldeo shouted, clearly at his wits end, "IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP!"

"Yes, it does!" Glaceon argued, "Don't you see what happened here!" Glaceon then became all starry eyed and said softly, "YvelSylveon saw all the damage he caused and saw that he'd hurt his beloved trainer, so he let go of all of his power, and used the power of his true self to fix everything back to the way it was."

"Glaceon, do you know what TM Valerie gives to the Trainer that defeat her?" Keldeo asked flatly.

"Uh. . ."

"Dazzling Gleam!" Keldeo shouted, "That's an attack that does damage! It doesn't heal anything or effect the land! If it had been Misty Terrain, then _maybe_ that could work. But it can't be, because the TM is for Dazzling Gleam! So how can that be used to revive everything? It can't, Glaceon! It just can't!"

"Why are you so angry?!" Glaceon exclaimed.

Keldeo sighed and said, "Sorry. It's just that it really gets me mad when people who claim to be fans of something get something so obvious completely wrong. Especially when _all_ they have to do is do a Google Search or check a Wiki. That's lazy! Why didn't Muffinypowers just go to Bulbapedia and see what TM Valerie gives the player. Was that really too much trouble?"

"Another plot hole!" Sylveon said as she moved her ribbons in a shrugging motion.

"No more! Please!" Victini cried out as he struggled under the weight of the sack.

* * *

 _"Nymphia? Er, Sylveon?" she said, blushing at her unnecessary use of his Japanese name._

* * *

 _ **Slappy The Squrriel:**_ _"That was pointless."_

* * *

 _"Syl!" he jumped onto her stomach, and slid onto her lap as she sat up._

* * *

 _ **Sylveon:**_ _"Yay! I almost killed you!"_

* * *

 _"Calem, wake up..." she said softly, shaking him. "Wake up, I said..." she hit him lightly. "WAKE YOUR STUPID FACE UP!"_

 _"Gah, what? What was that for?"_

 _"For being stupid!"_

* * *

"Why is Calem even interested in her?" Sylveon asked, "She's a jerk!"

"Hey, she's not a jerk," Glaceon defended, "She's just got attitude!"

"You can say that again," Sylveon muttered.

"She's just got attitude!" Glaceon repeated.

"Shut-up!" Sylveon shot back.

* * *

 _She sent out her Crobat, and Sylveon hid behind Calem. "Fear of Poison types... I knew it." Sylveon stepped out nervously when she recalled Crobat._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped. "Wha- you- bu- you- why- huh- bu- WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted, "Why didn't you just do that in the first place when he was trying to destroy everything?"

"NO! MORE! PLOT HOLES!" Victini pleaded at the top of his lungs, right before he fell to the ground with the huge sack on top of him. Munna came in and rolled the sack away, with Victini stuck to it.

Sylveon waved her ribbons around Keldeo to soothe him and said with a smile, "It's okay, Keldeo. I mean, it's all over now, right?"

* * *

 _"Well, now what?" Serena asked Calem. He took her hand and led her back to Vaniville, despite repeated 'Let go of me!', 'I can do it myself!' and 'There's no convincing you, is there, rival?'. Sylveon ran the other way, having seen something that he knew could wreak havoc on the world, or at least the forest, if he was left alone with it. He was, thanks to Calem's stupidity._

 _Sylveon had just located a second cupcake._

 _Rinse and repeat._

* * *

"UUUUUGGGGGH!" Sylveon shouted as she threw her head back into the air, "No one even learned anything!"

"They weren't _supposed_ to learn anything!" Glaceon countered, "This is not a story about character development, it's just a crazy event where crazy stuff happens for comedic effect. It's just enjoyable madness. You know, like _Alice in Wonderland,_ or _Pokemon World Tour_ by AuraWielder."

"NO!" Keldeo shouted, "I reviewed _Pokemon World Tour,_ so I know for sure that this story is nothing like it! In _Pokemon World Tour,_ the madness had a point to it, and there were actual reasons for why it was happening. It built up throughout the story through clear cause and effect. A dog suit coming to life seems random, but it was actually the result of several character's stories colliding in a certain way to make it happen. As crazy as it is, it really is clever writing on AuraWielder's part. Plus, it's cool how the various characters in that story interact. The combination of great set-ups and well written characters leads to some good laughs. But in _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes,_ nothing was funny! It was _dumb!_ It was lazy too! Mega Sylveon's description is pretty much non-existent! It's more like a rip-off of Mega Absol anyway. Plus, the only one with any actual character at all was Serena, and she _was_ a jerk!"

"Hmph!" Glaceon said as she turned away from Keldeo.

"But the fanfic wasn't _that_ bad though," Keldeo added with a shrug.

Glaceon turned back to Keldeo with wide eyes. "What?" she said.

"What?" Sylveon echoed.

Keldeo nodded and said, "It wasn't offensive or anything, and it _was_ surreal enough to get you thinking. It kinda forces you to use your imagination to figure out what's going on here. And I suppose _some_ reader might find Calem and Serena's weird relationship kinda funny. Not _me,_ but someone else might. It's not one of the top 10 worst fanfics I've ever seen. Not even the top 20 worst. Is it good? No. But is it bad? . . . _kinda,_ but it really does depend on how you look at it."

"HAH-HAH! I win! Looser!" Glaceon jeered at Sylveon.

"Hmph!" Sylveon said as she pouted at the Ice-Type.

Keldeo turned to look at Glaceon and said, "You know what?"

"What?" the Ice-Type replied, still grinning gleefully.

"You're not a nice Pokemon, Glaceon," Keldeo said in a cold voice.

Keldeo then turned into his Resolute Form, powered up his Secret Sword, and struck Glaceon with all his might. This sent Glaceon flying into the air, screaming as she disappeared into the sky with a twinkle of light.

Keldeo lowered his Secret Sword and returned to his normal form. He turned to Sylveon, who had a look of delighted-surprise on her face.

"Now," Keldeo said with a calm smiled, "About that suggestion you made earlier. . ."

* * *

Keldeo and Meloetta sat across from Bunnelby and Sylveon at a table within the restaurant owned by Grovyle, Celebi, and Dusknoir **(TinyURL: y7qzk24m)**. One of the Sableye servers came over with four Berry Juices on a tray. He passed them out deftly to the four customers and then went back over to the kitchen.

"This just feels like a nice place to eat," Sylveon said contentedly, "I'm glad you thought of it, Keldeo."

Keldeo smiled back and said, "Well, this whole double date was your idea to start with. And it was Dialga and Palkia that opened the portal for us." He then gave Meloetta a loving look and said, "But anyway, I'm sure you and Sylveon will be besties in no time, right?"

Meloetta giggled and said, "You know, I think you may be right, Keldeo."

Sylveon smiled back at Meloetta and said, "Aren't we the luckiest girls in the world."

Bunnelby blushed a bit and he said, "Ya know, I really do think too many people in this world overcomplicate love. Seriously, both Serena and Bonnie could learn a lot from us."

While he was speaking, Bunnelby was slowly moving his paw towards Sylveon's paw. However, he ended up being met halfway by the gentle touch of Sylveon's ribbons. A blissful look crossed Bunnelby's face as Sylveon gazed lovingly at him.

Meloetta suddenly leaned to the side and gave Keldeo a quick kiss on the cheek. Keldeo gasped softly, and smiled warmly as he said, "Well. Heh-heh. What was that for?"

"For being my Kelde," Meloetta replied.

All Keldeo could do was smile.

Meanwhile, May's Glaceon was standing outside the window, glaring at the scene inside. "Time to rain. . . or should I say, _sleet. . ._ no, _**hail**_ on their parade," she said deviously.

"Ahem!"

Glaceon turned fast to see Dusknoir floating nearby, and he was driving his right fist into his left hand again and again as he stared down at her. His eye was angry looking, and focused right on the Ice-Type. "And exactly _what_ do you intend to do to _my_ customers?" he asked in a threatening voice.

"Help," Glaceon whimpered.

Dusknoir powered up a Shadow Punch and swung hard.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Angry Bug Show_ by DragonNiro

 _Arceus The Critic_ by Imperator Justinian

 _A Pika Childhood_ by Bluewolfbat

 _Dr. Doe's Chemical Kitchen_ by alfa995

 _Tokyo Kawaii Club_ (TinyURL: ybxlwkns)

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- Wonderbolt Academy_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trilogy_

 _Don't Hug Me I'm Scared_ by This Is It

 _Sylveon Trolls Shiny Pokemon_ by Courtney (Project SNT)

 _If You Give a Mouse a Cookie_ written by Laura Numeroff and illustrated by Felicia Bond

 _Under Pressure_ by Queen

 _Ice, Ice Baby_ by Vanilla Ice

 _Toadettegirl2012_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Ferngully_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Smurfs_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Through the Looking Glass_

 _Keldeo And His Pancakes_ by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus

 _Pokemon World Tour_ by AuraWielder

 _Veggie Tales_

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time/Darkness/Sky_

 ** _Special Thanks_**

 _Bulbapedia_

 _TinyURL_


	19. E5: Sylvia the Sylveon DANG!

A hot pink background appeared, and the music for the Classic Walt Disney Pictures intro played. However, instead of the Disney castle appearing on screen, a light pink full moon appeared. On the moon was the silhouette of a Sylveon. There was a flash of light, and the words _"Sylveon Month"_ written in the iconic Walt Disney font appeared underneath the moon. Two pairs of ribbons arced out from the Sylveon silhouette and made a double heart shape over the pink moon.

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 5:** _ **Sylvia the Sylveon**_ **by SaoirseParisa. . .** _ **DANG!**_

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL: yaqaxfsa**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said excitedly, "And I am _sooooooo_ excited today! Because for the climax of _Sylveon Month,_ I am going to review a fanfic that is really famous and has tons of notoriety. It even has its own page on TVTropes! I'm talking about _Sylvia the Sylveon_ by SaoirseParisa."

* * *

 _ **Sylvia The Sylveon**_

 _By: SaoirseParisa_

 _When an Eevee is forcibly separated from her family, she goes on a long journey through Unova to return to the only home she knows. But the journey is rough, even tragic, as she is continually rejected wherever she goes. Why? She is the second Sylveon born in the whole entire world, and she doesn't know how she evolved into this strange new creature. Complete, with announcement!_

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Friendship/Hurt/Comfort - Eevee/Eievui, Sylveon - Chapters: 16 - Words: 130,160 - Reviews: 162 - Favs: 172 - Follows: 96 - Updated: Aug 28, 2016 - Published: Feb 15, 2013 - Status: Complete - id: 9013112_

* * *

Keldeo pranced in place giddily and said, "Oh my gosh, I'm so excited! You see, I haven't actually read this fanfic yet, but from what I've heard, it's supposed to be a _masterpiece!_ This story is supposed to have great characters and incredible plot twists and character arcs and character development, I'm just so excited!"

Keldeo stopped prancing and nodded enthusiastically, "Oh boy, I can't wait anymore! Let's just go!"

* * *

 _ **One Reading Later. . .**_

* * *

Keldeo just sat perfectly still with his mouth hanging open. He looked utterly traumatized by what he had just read. He stood like for a solid minute, unable to speak or even form any coherent thoughts. Then, he swallowed the lump in his throat and finally spoke.

"That . . . was. . . _gut-wrenching,_ " Keldeo said in a dead serious tone, "This. . . fanfic. . . _scarred me._ I mean. . . _**biscuits. . .**_ "

Keldeo shook his head slowly, and he said, "Well, it _is_ a masterpiece of writing. It does a great job in making you feel emotions. The descriptions and exposition feel like they were written for an actual novel. But. . ."

Keldeo hung his head and said, "The truth is. . . I can't review this fanfic. I just can't. I can't do it. For two reasons. One, it's so good that I don't think I can really say that much or make enough jokes to make it worth it. Two. . . this fanfic makes me feel _very uncomfortable!_ "

Keldeo lifted his head up and sighed, "Okay, so the story is about an Eevee named Sylvia who lives on Floccosey Ranch with her parents, her seven siblings, the other Pokemon, and the human family that owns the ranch. But through a series of events, she and her siblings either run away, captured, or stolen. Sylvia is then exposed to an item that makes her evolve into Sylveon, and she then goes on a quest to get back to Floccosey Ranch. Now, this story was written before _Pokemon X and Y_ came out. People knew Sylveon existed, but no one knew how Eevee was going to evolve into Sylveon. The author just made an educated guess that it was going to be item related, and that's okay considering the how mysterious it all was at the time. Anyway, the story is told from Sylvia perspective, which is a nice touch."

* * *

 _Oh! I forgot to talk about me and my family! I got sidetracked. My mother is an Espeon and my father is a Vaporeon. I heard Darien say their names are Duchess and Naiad. I'm the youngest of eight siblings. Here they are in order: Alseides (We like to call him Al or Alfie), Bolt, Vapor, Lucretia, Moondancer, Konoha, Yuki, and me, Sylvia. Lucretia and I are the only female Eevee in the family, save for my mother. Alseides has a bright and fiery personality, and he's fun to chase around. Bolt is rather vain and arrogant, always thinking himself better than everyone else. Vapor is the prince of the family: charming, kind, chivalrous, and sweet, though he tends to let his kindness get to his head. Lucretia is the lady of the family. She's just as nice as Vapor, but she isn't a stuck-up princess. She loves to play with us and socialize with other Pokemon. Moondancer is very aloof and prefers to be alone some of the time, though he doesn't mind being with me. Konoha is strong and cool, always helping others. Yuki is shy and timid, like Serena_

* * *

"And no, that isn't the Serena from the Kalos region," Keldeo clarified, "Remember, this story was written _before Pokemon X and Y_ came out. It was just a one in a million coincidence that this OC has the same name."

Keldeo then refocused and said, "Okay, so now you're probably wondering why this fanfic makes me feel _so_ uncomfortable that I can't review."

Keldeo stood up straight and said, "Well, first of all, let me make something clear. This is a high-quality fanfic. _I_ just don't like it. This fanfic is popular for a good reason. There are a lot of people who would like this story. Anyone who likes dark, character driven, edgy, deeply psychological. . . _tragic_ stories that have bittersweet endings. . . kind of like mega evolved Don Bluth films. . . well. . . they'd like it, and maybe you'd like it too, so don't take what I say at face value."

Keldeo shifted his weight tensely and said, "Well, let's start by bringing up something I really like about this fanfic. You see, the very first chapter gives the impression that the story will have plenty of characters that aren't morally black and white, but float within a grey area. That's a very clever and intelligent way to go in any kind of story. For instance, Moondancer is shown to be a morally grey character during his first scene. At first, he seems cold, rude, unfeeling, and a huge jerk. But then we see that not only is he not heartless, but he also makes some good points, even if they aren't completely accurate."

* * *

 _"Not all humans are bad, Moondancer. Darien and Vicky are nice," I told him without any hint of shyness in my voice._

 _"They don't really care about us. They're just breeding us so we can increase the Eevee population and be given away to trainers," He replied sharply._

 _"Is that really why?"_

 _"Why else do you think they give those eggs away? They're giving Pokemon away to trainers for them to use! Why else do you think they didn't get rid of Mom and Dad when they had the chance? They're only using them for breeding, nothing else!"_

 _You should live your own life the way you want to. Don't let others control you and make you what they want you to be. I know you're a nice Pokemon, but sometimes being nice all the time can be bad. It'll make you easy to manipulate," Moondancer replied softly._

 _"What does manipulate mean?" I asked._

 _"To manipulate someone means to control them or trick them using complex means. When you grow up, be strong, Sylvia. Be a strong Pokemon._

* * *

"He refuses to trust humans, but not for no reason," Keldeo explained, "Plus, he truly does love his little sister and is only trying to help her by talking to her like this."

Keldeo then gave a sigh of disappointment and said, "However, there's one more thing about writing a story with characters that float in a morally grey area. It's _hard._ I mean, it's seriously _hard._ SaoirseParisa did _well,_ but she did stumble a bit. You see, the problem here is that as you read along, you'll find that nearly all of the main characters we spend a long time with in this story are morally grey, _except for Sylvia._ Throughout the entire story, Sylvia is always either _Lawful Good_ or _Neutral Good._ Sure, she gets angry, makes mistakes, and fails. But in terms of the Alignment System of morality, she is consistently pure white. This makes her kinda boring when compared to the more complex characters around her, and sometimes you just get annoyed and frustrated with her. You want Sylvia to go further and get her paws dirty, but the only times she ever does is when her life is in danger, and at that point it's pretty much expected."

Keldeo frowned deeply and said, "Another problem with this fanfic is that the author gives too many of the character mental disorders. Yeah, I'm not kidding. It turns out Moondancer is incapable of showing remorse or emotions. Two of Sylvia's siblings, Alseides and Vapor, get stolen and put through such abusive training that they turn into _sociopaths_ that want to kill her! Then we get Dilandau the Charmeleon who got experimented on so much that he turned into a _homicidal maniac_ who tried to commit _genocide_ in Chargestone Cave. Then we have Serena, the daughter of the ranch owners, who has. . . Autism?"

* * *

 _Their daughter, I heard her name is Serena, isn't like other human kids. I heard her parents, I heard their names are Darien and Vicky, say that she has something called Autism, and it prevents her from being able to communicate and socialize very well, from what I've heard. Mother thinks it means she sees and experiences the world in a different way than most humans._

* * *

"Why?" Keldeo said in dismay, "Why is this here. I mean, I give my sympathy to all people who are Autistic, they all deserve all the compassion and respect we can give them. . . but why is this _here_? In a Pokemon fanfic? If this were a story that focuses on an Autistic Pokemon Trainer and the struggles the person goes through, that probably could work. But that's not what this fanfic does at all. Serena being Autistic doesn't really play much of a role in the story because Sylvia gets taken away from ranch and spends the entire story trying to get back! It just kinda adds a last minute moral to the end of the story when Sylvia returns. Not only that, it makes Moondancer look even worse when he insults Serena for being Autistic!"

* * *

 _"It's boring here. Nothing exciting happens. There's a whole world out there that I want to see. There's so much out there that I don't know about, and I'm sick of being cooped up here with that dribbling, addle-brained girl._

* * *

"Not cool!" Keldeo said in alarm, "How could we possibly bring ourselves to _not_ hate this guy when he says stuff like this?!"

Keldeo frowned and said, "And what really makes this fanfic hard for me to read is how a large majority of characters are _victims_. I already went over how Alseides, Vapor, and Dilandau are victims that were abused to badly that they turned into sociopaths, and they in turn end up making a victim out of Sylvia along with all the other bad guys who make her life miserable throughout the story. But even before that, the story starts off with Serena being bullied at school for being Autistic by both the students _and the teacher!_ "

* * *

 _"I can't believe that stupid teacher! Those kids picking on her are at fault, yet she had the nerve to claim Serena is the bad one! She isn't, for God's sake!"_

* * *

Keldeo became enraged and he shouted, "I hate stories that do this! That's why I don't like Rankin Bass' _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer_!"

Keldeo then fell down flat on his stomach and said, "Okay. . . let's see. . . Another character jumps off a bridge. . .Then there's a Pikachu that nearly dies due to abusive Trainers. . ."

Keldeo closed his eyes and sat in deep thought for a long moment. Then he slowly stood up, opened his eyes, and said, "I'm not gonna spoil the ending to this story. . . but it really is a nice ending. It's a happy ending. It shows how even the unlikeliest character can become something amazing and overcome incredible odds. But the journey to that ending is so painful, so depressing, so riddled with death and cruelty. . . it really is just too much for me. _Snow Sick_ has Serena dying of an illness and Ash and everyone grieving as they all come to terms with it, but _Sylvia the Sylveon_ is like a Bullet Seed barrage of torment, cruelty, tragedy, and death that I just wasn't able to handle."

Keldeo put a smile on and said, "But look, it's still a good fanfic with awesomely written scenes, both of action and powerful emotion. The characters are well written, there's some really powerful dialogue, and lessons are conveyed that can be really heartwarming. _Sylvia the Sylveon_ might be gut-wrenching, but that doesn't stop it from being a literary triumph."

Keldeo gave a sigh and frowned, "Well, this kinda stinks. I wanted my _Sylvia the Sylveon_ review to last until the end of the month. What am I gonna do to fill up the rest of Sylveon Month?"

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzt!**_

"Huh?" Keldeo asked, confused by the sudden interference.

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzt!**_

"What the-?"

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzt!**_

"Who is-?"

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzt!**_

"What's going o-?"

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!**_

An Umbreon wearing a Nazi uniform appeared on screen and ranted in a German accent, "Get zee Shinies OUT! Get zee Shiny Pokemon OUT! Zee Shiny abominations must go bye-bye! Time to build zee wall!"

The Shiny-hating Umbreon pointed to the left, and a group of Doublades goose-stepped off in that direction behind him.

* * *

 **Next Review:** _ **The Shiny**_ **by Pokemon45**

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Easydamus – Alignment (TinyURL:_ 4g9a5p _)_

 _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (1964)_

 _Snow Sick_ by dark magician alice

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Adventures of Pluto Nash_

 _Waiting For The Worms_ by Pink Floyd


	20. The Shiny Part 1

A newly hatched Pichu sat in a nest with his siblings and the mother Raichu. While the rest of children cuddled near their mother, this particular Pichu watched as the father Raichu carried off one of his newly hatched brothers.

The Pichu noticed two particular things about this. One, his father had a look of disgust and hatred on his face as he carried off the other Pichu. Two, the Pichu being carried away was a darker shade of yellow than the rest of the Pichus. The observant Pichu figured that this what the father meant when he said, "A Shiny," in a gruff, angry voice.

That night, after the father Raichu returned without the Shiny, and the rest of the family was still awake, the observant Pichu stood awake, staring out into the night sky as he thought about what he had witnessed. He then began singing to himself in a soft voice.

"Daddy took away my brother  
Leaving just a memory  
Nothing for the family album  
Daddy why did you take him from me?  
Daddy, why'd ya take him from me?!  
All in all it was just a brick in the wall.  
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall."

3 months later, when all the newborn Pokemon were finally able to leave their nests and walk around, the Pichu was surprised to see an Eevee with silver fur running up to play with a happy smile on her face. Her color surprised him at first, but then the Pichu quickly appreciated how cool she looked and felt a strong desire to play with her.

"Pichu! Hey, Pichu! Get away from that Shiny!" the mother Raichu shouted angrily.

The Pichu was suddenly picked up by his mother and watched as the father Raichu was joined by Breloom, and they both stood over the Shiny Eevee as if they were about to attack.

The Pichu was placed among his siblings as the mother Raichu went on a tirade on how Shiny Pokemon were abominations and needed to all be killed. However, the sound of a Fairy Wind attack caused the mother to run off to check on the father.

After the mother left, the Pichu hung his head and frowned angrily as he was slowly filled with the sense that something was seriously wrong. His siblings looked and listened as her began to sing quietly to himelf.

"I don't need no education  
I don't need no thought control  
No prejudices in the classroom  
Bigots leave us kids alone  
Hey! Bigots! Leave us kids alone!  
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.  
All in all you're just another brick in the wall."

The Pichu's siblings' eyes widened, and they all silently nodded. Other children from other families heard the Pichu's singing, and carefully crept closer while their parents dealt with the Shiny Eevee's mother. All the young Pokemon began singing along with the Pichu.

 _"We don't need no education  
We don't need no thought control  
No prejudices in the classroom  
Bigots leave us kids alone  
Hey! Teachers! Leave us kids alone!  
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.  
All in all you're just another brick in the wall."_

"Shinies are WRONG! Say it again!"

"The day a Shiny hatches is the day a Shiny dies! How can you be friends with something that should be DEAD!?"

"Pichu! Hey, Pichu! Don't go near that Sylveon's family! Stay away from that Shiny!"

1 year later, the Pichu looked out of the window of his family's home at the surrounding forest, which was now engulfed in flames.

"It's that filthy Sylveon! And a Flareon! They're out there!" the mother Raichu shrieked from outside of the tree.

A piece of burning wood nearly landed on the Pichu, crashing down right behind him. This caused the Pichu to climb out of the window, but before he could jump out, the roof of the house suddenly collapsed on top of him.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" he cried out as he was buried underneath the timbers. He could still hear voices outside as he lay underneath the smoldering wood.

"This is all that Umbreon fault! That I know!" the Raichu father shouted.

From the perilous postion her was in, the Pichu shut his eyes tight and took a deep breath. He then sang to himself softly for what he believed to be the last time.

"I don't need no arms around me  
And I don't need Soother Bells to calm me.  
I have seen the writing on the wall.  
Don't think I need anything at all.  
No! Don't think I'll need anything at all.  
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.  
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall."

A hot pink background appeared, and the music for the Classic Walt Disney Pictures intro played. However, instead of the Disney castle appearing on screen, a light pink full moon appeared. On the moon was the silhouette of a Sylveon. There was a flash of light, and the words _"Sylveon Month"_ written in the iconic Walt Disney font appeared underneath the moon. Two pairs of ribbons arced out from the Sylveon silhouette and made a double heart shape over the pink moon.

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Six:** _ **The Shiny**_ **by Pokemon45**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL:** **yd5lpupc**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said calmly. Then he leaned forward a bit and said, "This is a story of a mother Sylveon who faces great trials, tribulations, and just plain evil forces in order to protect her precious child. It's a story of heartlessness, bigotry, and murder; while also being a story of unconditional love, faith, and justice. This is _The Shiny_ by Pokemon45."

* * *

 _ **The Shiny**_

 _By: Pokemon45_

 _A mother Sylveon just had babies and one is a shiny. She couldn't be more thrilled, but her husband feels different about it. Not only does her husband, but the entire forest she lives in. How will she be able to take care of her shiny daughter?_

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Eevee/Eievui, Umbreon/Blacky, Sylveon - Words: 3,009 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Published: Sep 9, 2017 - Status: Complete - id: 12646713_

* * *

"While not as depressing or emotionally draining as _Sylvia the Sylveon,_ this story manages to bring up some pretty strong emotions in anyone who reads this," Keldeo explain, then he smiled proudly and said, "Personally, I'd say this fanfic has the vibe of a _Redwall_ book by Brian Jacques. Don't worry, I'll explain why later on. Well, let's get ready for some more emotional turmoil!"

Keldeo gave a wry smile at this, and his eyes shifted left and right awkwardly.

"This is _The Shiny_ ," Keldeo said.

"Our story begins with a mother Sylveon calling for her mate."

* * *

 _"Shadow come quick they're hatching."_

 _An Umbreon ran through the forest to reach his home in a hole in a tree. Inside was a soon to be mother Sylveon named Ribbons (original right.)_

* * *

"Oh, come on! I hate it when writers point out their flaws right in the middle of the story," Keldeo complained, "I mean, it only makes things worse! First of all, it disrupts the flow of the story. Second, pointing it out actually makes it a bigger problem than it really is. Ribbons is an okay name for a Sylveon. _Maybe_ it's a little obvious, but it really is fine. No one would have complained about it, but since you brought it up, now we kinda _have_ to complain about it!"

 _ **GLaDOS:**_ _"Nice job breaking it, hero."_

"So, the eggs all hatch, but one of these Eevees is not like the others."

* * *

 _There was something different about this one then the rest of the babies. This baby was a shiny one and a girl. Her fur is silver and not the usual brown color. The mother let a squeal of joy when she found out she had another girl, especially one that is a shiny._

* * *

 _ **Ribbons (Singing to the tune of "Get Creative"):**_ _"I had a Shiny Pokemon! Look at how she's a different color! Look! See! Silver!_

* * *

 _She called to Shadow to bring her over with the rest of her siblings. He just stood there, looking at the baby pokemon._

* * *

 _ **Shadow (Singing to the tune of "Get Creative"):**_ _"Silver's not a creative color."_

* * *

 _"Shadow, please bring me my baby girl."_

 _The baby Eevee was crying and crawling trying to find its mother. When she touched the paw of Shadow, he quickly brought it away, making the Eevee cry._

* * *

"Uh-oh, I'm starting to get _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer_ flashbacks. . ." Keldeo said as his eyes widened, making him look like a nervous Hoot-Hoot.

* * *

 _Ribbon tried to get up to get her baby, but her other ones were still drinking milk. The shiny Eevee kept on crying not being able to find its mother. The noise she was making and his wife nagging him was unbearable. He finally picked the baby up roughly and brought it over to Ribbons._

 _He let go of the baby high in the air, but was lucky that her mother caught her. Ribbon was giving Shadow a deadly glare that he almost just killed their daughter. Any kind of newborn have really fragile bones._

* * *

"Hmm, let's see," Keldeo said thoughtfully as he searched the web with his laptop, "I'm pretty sure the Nostalgia Critic had a gag that fits this scene perfectly- AHA! Here it is!"

Keldeo quickly ran off, and came back with Munna and Victini in tow. Munna had a wig on to make her look like Dora the Explorer, and Victini was wearing a pair of giant red boots on his feet.

"Hey, kids! Can you tell who the villain is supposed to be?" Munna said with a fake Spanish accent.

 _ **Kids:**_ _"It's so obviously the guy with the evil sounding name that the narrator just labeled as a child killer!"_

"No ship, Sherlock!" Munna declared happily.

The Crobat known as The Intoxiquer suddenly flew in and shouted, "THAT'S MY LINE!"

Munna and Victini flew off, and The Intoxiquer gave chase.

Keldeo smiled, "Good. That should keep them busy for a while."

* * *

 _"Shadow what the heck were you doing." Ribbon was yelling._

 _"Ribbon, do you really not get that we have a shiny daughter."_

 _"Yeah, its one of the best things a mother could ask for."_

 _"No it's not dear. Do you wonder why you never see a shiny or another different color pokemon in these woods?"_

 _"No"_

 _"That's because a shiny pokemon attracts unwanted attention from predators and humans."_

* * *

 _ **Shadow (Still singing):**_ _"And silver's not a creative color."_

"That's completely, totally illogical," Keldeo said with a frown, "Why would a predator want to eat a Shiny over a non-Shiny. They're literally the same, they're just a different. How would it even attract a predator anyway? Do they smell different? No, the only difference here is color, so what's the problem? And while Trainers _do_ obsess over catching Shiny Pokemon, it's not like they have the ability to detect them or home in on them! Running into a Shiny Pokemon is just a matter of chance! And if this forest is far from where humans live, then the chances of any humans coming here are already really slim."

* * *

 _"Just because her fur is a different color doesn't mean we shouldn't love her." Ribbons grew up in a different forest than this one where there were shiny pokemon living with the normal pokemon. She only came to this forest because her last one was burned down during a lightning storm._

* * *

"Wow, this Sylveon has some rotten luck," Keldeo said sympathetically, "Not only does her old home burn down, but then she ends up moving to Eugenics Forest? Gosh, poor Ribbons."

* * *

 _"Honey, keeping her will bring shame to this family and harm to us as well."_

 _"You don't know that Shadow. I will not just give up on one of my kids because her fur is different and that's final."_

 _Shadow just looked at his wife and walked away to another part of the den. Ribbons just looked down at her kids finally falling asleep after eating. She looked over to her silver daughter and brought her close to herself. "Don't worry, I will make sure nothing will happen to you."_

* * *

 _ **Bubsy:**_ _"What could POSSIBLY go wrong?"_

"So, we skip forward 3 months, and its finally time for the little Eevee to play with all the other Pokemon children."

* * *

 _Her children ran outside of their home to meet up with some of the other children. Ribbon saw her kids playing with some other Eevees and some Skitty. The only one that wasn't there was her shiny daughter named Crystal. She was still in the cave looking outside at everyone else._

 _"Crystal, why aren't you playing with the other kids of the forest?"_

 _"What if they don't like the way I look?" Crystal was looking down with a sad impression._

 _"Honey, no matter how you look, you are still an Eevee, and should go play as one."_

 _Her mother's statement made her cheer up and she quickly ran outside to go play. Ribbon's couldn't be any happier that her daughter was finally cheering up, but that didn't last long. She heard screams from where the children were playing and ran immediately in that direction._

* * *

Keldeo pressed his hooves against the sides of his head and shouted out as if in pain, "AHHH! The _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer_ flashbacks! They're too painful!"

* * *

 _Angry parents grabbed their children away from the abnormal Eevee. A Breloom and a Raichu made there way over to Crystal with death stares in their eyes._

* * *

 _ **Breloom and Raichu (Also singing):**_ _"Silver's not a creative color."_

* * *

 _Ribbon quickly ran to her daughter's defense and got in between the parents and her daughter._

 _"Don't you dare hurt my daughter." Ribbon had her ribbons in the air to attack the ones who want to hurt her kid._

 _"Why in the name of Arceus, is that piece of [CENSORED] alive," says the Raichu._

* * *

"We know they're evil, okay! You don't have to make them swear!" Keldeo shouted with a shocked look on his face.

* * *

 _"She's my daughter, why shouldn't she be alive." Ribbon probably could guess what the parents were going to say next._

 _"That abomination shouldn't belong here. Its color will attract unwanted attention from trainers."_

* * *

"Why do they keep saying that? How can something attract someone if they don't even know that it's there!?" Keldeo complained, "This doesn't seem like a place where humans come around that often, so this argument is completely invalid."

Keldeo frowned deeply and said, "But then again, most people who hate minority groups usually make up pathetic reasons to justify their hatred, so I suppose _Pokemon45_ knew what he was doing when he wrote these character like this."

* * *

 _"I won't just abandon my kid just because she's different."_

 _Other parents were coming to deal with the problem, but were pushed back with Fairy's Wind. The parents flew back into bushes and some into the lake near by._

* * *

Keldeo clapped his hooves in applause and said, "There! Now if Santa Claus had done something like _that_ when Rudolph got bullied _,_ it would have been a much better Christmas special!"

"Unfortunately, this moment of triumph doesn't last long, as Margaret Sanger's Umbreon comes in and blatantly attacks Crystal because _oh yeah, look at the brave and powerful Umbreon take down a helpless child, he must feel so proud of himself for taking on an opponent such as this!_ " Keldeo said in the fiercest tone of disgust and anger he could muster.

 _ **Portal 2 Announer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-."_

"Of course, I'm being sarcastic, you stupid computer voice!" Keldeo shouted.

* * *

 _"SHADOW PUT HER DOWN"_

 _Shadow just ignored her and carried Crystal to the den. He threw Crystal across the den and into a wall. She squealed out in pain from being tossed from her father. Ribbon and the other kids came just in time to see Shadow throw her._

 _"SHADOW!" Ribbon ran over to her daughter to see her husband's teeth marks in her neck. Her silver fur was turning red from blood leaking from the wounds. Ribbon started to lick the wounds to make her daughter feel better._

 _"I TOLD YOU THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! NOW THE WHOLE FOREST HAS SHUNNED US FOR KEEPING THAT LITTLE RAT!"_

* * *

"Why would they shun _you,_ you're just as evil as they are!" Keldeo argued in mock confusion laced with disgust.

* * *

 _Crystal started to whimper from the insults her father was saying to her. Ribbon looked to her husband to say, " SHADOW BE QUIT!"_

* * *

"Yeah, I wish this spawn of Hitler and Damian Stone would just quit, too!" Keldeo added.

* * *

 _"I KNEW I SHOULD'VE JUST KILLED HER THE SECOND SHE WAS BORN."_

 _Crystal now burst into tears finally realizing that her father never wanted her. Tears were running down her face and onto her mother's chest. Ribbon tried to tell her that her father didn't mean to say that._

 _"SHADOW JUST LEAVE RIGHT NOW"_

 _The father Umbreon just gave a growl at Crystal than walked back outside._

* * *

 _ **Shadow (Still singing):**_ _"Silver's still not a creative color."_

"Now this _would_ be the perfect time to take your kids and _run like Sodom and Gomorrah are being destroyed behind you,_ " Keldeo said sternly and with great diction as he enunciated every word. "Hint-hint!" he added loudly.

Keldeo then sighed and said, "Oh well. It turns out Ribbons isn't all that smart. But she _is_ good at making her daughter feel better. That's something."

* * *

 _"Honey are you alright?"_

 _"No, everybody hates me because of my fur."_

 _"That's not true (it is) dear. Everybody has different opinions on how you are supposed to look."_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed and groaned, "Ugh! Again, with the weird Author's Comments in the parentheses! And this time it's inside a character's dialogue? Huh? It doesn't even serve any purpose! _Of course_ we know that everyone in the forest are evil bigots who have no respect for life. Putting that comment in there makes it look like Ribbons is trolling her daughter or something. Why is that there? I don't get it! It's ruining what's supposed to be a sweet an emotional scene."

* * *

 _"Then why do I look different than everyone else?"_

 _"Your special Crystal. Our heavenly god Arceus blessed you with having this color._

* * *

"We can overlook the god part as a misconception," Keldeo said dismissively, "But I gotta say, the idea of Arceus being able to control when a Pokemon will be born Shiny not only sounds plausible, but also really cool. You could make a whole story about that!"

* * *

 _Only the most beautiful and caring Eevee's can be a different color."_

 _"Really"_

 _"Yes really. The other pokemon are just jealous about how beautiful you look." Ribbon was trying to say all the right things to make Crystal feel better._

 _"Thanks mom I really needed to hear that."_

 _"Anything for you sweetie" Ribbon then picked up her child with her ribbons and swung her around like a plane. Crystal was smiling and giggling while playing with her mom._

* * *

Keldeo smiled warmly as his eyes got big and shiny from the adorableness of the scene. "Awwww. Isn't that sweet."

* * *

 _That night all the children were asleep at one side while Ribbon and Shadow took the other_

* * *

"SON OF A BISCUIT!" Keldeo exclaimed, his eyes widened with disbelief, "You let a child-killing psychopath back into your home while the child he admitted to wanting to kill is sleeping just a few steps away from him!?"

 _ **Raphael:**_ _"Are you an idiot? Wait, let me rephrase that: You're an idiot!"_

"You'd think Crystal would start screaming the moment she saw this psycho! Seriously, _Darth Vader_ is a better father than this Umbreon from Hell!" Keldeo went on. Then he shuddered fearfully and said, "Oh, _biscuits_ , I can only _imagine_ what that evil Umbreon has been up to all day while Ribbons was playing with Crystal at home.

Keldeo's eyes widened in horrified fascination as the scene played out in his head.

* * *

Shadow the Umbreon stood in front of a huge crowd of the adult Pokemon in the forest. Shadow was flanked by the Raichu and Breloom that had threatened Crystal and Ribbons earlier.

"ARE YOU WITH US?!" Shadow shouted to the crowd of Pokemon.

 _"Shadow! Shadow! Shadow!"_ the crowd cheered determinedly in response to show their support for the evil Umbreon.

Shadow raised his right forepaw and counted it off, "ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!"

Raichu and Breloom raised their right paws in salute and started to sing.

" _Aaaaaaaaaaaah, ooh-ooooh, she cannot stop us now  
Ooh-ooooh, no matter how she tries  
Goodbye, Shiny, it's over  
Time to die."_

Meanwhile, the Pichu was hiding in a nearby bush. He happened to be one of the children of the very Raichu that was standing next to the evil Umbreon. The precocious little Pichu saw the fanatical frenzy all of the adults were in. He hung his head and shook in sadly as he sang quietly to himself.

"Sitting in a bush here,  
Next to their cruel wall. . .  
Waiting for the Shine. . . to be gone."

The Pichu looked up, a great intelligence glowing behind his eyes. It was the mark of a child prodigy. He gave a sigh and continued to sing.

"In perfect enlightenment,  
Next to their cruel wall. . .  
Waiting for the Shine. . . to be gone." _  
_  
Shadow nodded, and he said to the crowd, "I'm going to go and bring the little Shiny rat to the cliff where we will be. . .

" _Waiting."_

". . .to cut out the deadwood!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to clean up the forest!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to blot out the Shine!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to pursue conformity!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to weed out abnormalities!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to protect this forest from devastation!"

" _Waiting."_

". . . to kill all Shinies within our nation!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to blot out the Shine!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to maintain the power of abortion and eugenics!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to extend our wrath like Orwellian tyrants!"

" _Waiting."_

". . .to blot out the Shine!"

Shadow then sang out to the crowd as the Raichu and Breloom echoed his words.

"Would you like to see  
A Shiny bleed again,  
My friends?  
All you have to do blot out the Shine.

Would you like to send  
A different colored freak to death,  
My friends?  
All you have to do blot out the Shine."

Shadow then shook his right forepaw and spoke out to the crowd in a loud, commanding voice as the other adults chanted his name fiercely, "I will wait to until that idiotic wife of mine and the rest of my brood are asleep. Then you can rest assured that I'll take the Shiny to the cliff at about 12 o'clock midnight, traveling in a straight path right through the forest. I'll give the Shiny a fierce beating before killing it, just for the principle of the thing of course. Now while I'm dealing out the pain to the Shiny prior to throwing it off the cliff, Raichu and Breloom are to be nearby. It's quite possible we may encounter some interference from that wife of mine should she wake up and notice the Shiny is missing. Naturally they'll restrain her while I do what the Pokemon of this forest have being doing for centuries!"

" _SHADOW! SHADOW! SHADOW!"_

"KILLING SHINIES! ALL SHINIES MUST DIE! KILL! KILL THEM ALL! KILL! _KILL!_ _ **KILL!**_ "

* * *

" _ **STOP!"**_ Keldeo shouted with wide eyes and a pounding heart. He took a few deep breaths and then looked around him. Seeing that he was back in the peaceful Moor of Icirus, he breathed a long sigh of relief.

"Whew! Wow. . . this might be one of the darkest reviews I've ever done!" Keldeo remarked nervously, "I . . .don't like it. . ."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _ **We'll be right back!**_


	21. Keldeo's Thoughts- 1

Keldeo was sitting in the forest, shaded by the surrounding trees. He was sitting on a bed of leaves looking very comfortable and relaxed.

"Hello! It's me! Keldeo!" he greeted in a friendly manner, "In this short little segment, which I like to call _Keldeo's Thoughts_ , I am going to share my actual thoughts on the album that inspired my review of _The Shiny._ It's Pink Floyd's _The Wall._ "

Keldeo nodded and explained in a tone that revealed a sense of enthusiasm for the topic at hand, "The songs in this album tell the story of a musician whose life was so terrible that he created a metaphorical wall around himself to isolate himself from society. And to be honest, I really can't blame the character for wanting to do that. Through the lyrics of the songs, we learn that his father died in World War II, his mother was way too overprotective, his school teachers were overly strict and abusive, his marriage fell apart, and he was forced to perform pretty much against his will. It's understandable that he'd want to shut the rest of the world out at this point."

Keldeo nodded solemnly and continued, "But, of course, it only makes things worse. As he ends up hating the outside world so much that he gains the mindset of a Neo-Nazi filled with nothing but hate. He then ends up snapping, and he forces himself to tear down his wall. What happens after that is really up to interpretation, but all in all, it's a pretty deep story that's more psychological than anything else."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "Now, before I go any further, let me give you a warning. _**DO NOT**_ , under any circumstances, watch the film based off of this album. _**DO NOT**_ watch it. From what I've heard, that film is ugly, disturbing, violent, obscene, and just plain creepy. Don't even take a look at it out of morbid curiosity. Please, it's not worth it."

Keldeo put his hoof down and relaxed a bit as he continued, "Now, as I was saying, the story as it's conveyed by the songs on the album is pretty thought provoking. And, I guess you could say that it has social commentary on the entertainment industry and the education system, although I kinda felt like it was way too on the nose to be considered clever. I mean, it's kinda obvious what's being conveyed here."

Keldeo sighed and said with a sad smile, "And, as for the actual songs themselves, well. . . while they all contribute to the story, most of them just weren't my thing. Only five of them really stood out to me, and I felt that only four of _them_ were really okay for casual everyday listening. First is _Another Brick in the Wall,_ which focuses on the reasons why the musician character built this emotional wall around himself. Then we have _Stop_ and _The Trial,_ which show how unhealthy hiding inside the wall was and bring about the wall's destruction. And last we have _Outside the Wall,_ which should be pretty self-explanatory."

Keldeo then gained a thoughtful expression as he continued, "Now, the song I don't think is good for, let's say, the average playlist is _Waiting for the Worms._ This is the song where the musician gains the Neo-Nazi mindset of pure hatred. Now, as a piece of music, this song is awesome. The beat is great, the instruments are great, the vocals are perfect, and the way the intensity rises and falls kinda reminds me of Queen's _Bohemian Rhapsody._ In context of the story, this song is really powerful, as it highlights how isolated yourself from the world can cause you to become so narrowminded and hateful that you can become a complete monster. This has an even bigger impact story wise because character essentially becomes the very thing that caused his father's death! Maybe it could also represent how he resents his father for leaving him and dying, but that's just one of many interpretations."

Keldeo then shook his head sadly as he smiled sadly again. "However, the problem with _Waiting for the Worms_ is that it can easily be taken out of context, and therefore should never be listened to or performed without the two songs that come after it: _Stop_ and _The Trial._ Without the context of the story being told, the lyrics of _Waiting for the Worms_ are way too harsh and could easily offend people who aren't aware of the context."

Keldeo smiled broadly and continued, "Now, all five of these songs will be adapted and used in my review of _The Shiny._ Instead of telling the story of a man who tries to isolate himself from the world only to end up possibly destroying himself even further, I plan on using the songs in combination with the story of the fanfic to tell the tale of how those filled with bigotry and hate will receive their punishment eventually, and those who suffered from it will be rewarded in the end. So, yeah, I hope you enjoy my review, which we shall get back to real soon. Enjoy!"


	22. The Shiny Part 2

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Six:** _ **The Shiny**_ **by Pokemon45**

"So, a thunderstorm wakes Ribbons up, and she sees that Shadow, _of course,_ has taken Crystal while she was asleep."

* * *

 _"SHADOW! KIDS STAY HERE AND DON'T MOVE!"_

 _Ribbon then ran out of her home in search of her daughter. She couldn't believe that Shadow went behind her back and took their daughter. Where could he have taken her?_

 _"CRYSTAL, CRYSTAL"_

 _Ribbon then heard the shriek from her daughter far away. She changed her direction and ran at full speed towards her._

 _"HOLD ON BABY, MOMMIES ON THE WAY"_

* * *

"Yeah, the mommies are on their way. All of them," Keldeo remarked dryly.

* * *

 _Ribbon raced past the homes of other pokemon that were also awake from the screaming. They followed the Sylveon to see where she was going. None of them knew that Sylveon was looking for her shiny daughter. Ribbon came from the forest and into a clearing that leads to a cliff. She heard another scream come from the edge of the cliff. What she saw made her heart skip a couple of beats._

 _Shadow was kicking and scratching Crystal with all of his might. After he finished with the beating, he bit her scruff to walk her to the edge of the cliff._

* * *

"Okay, to be serious for just a moment," Keldeo said with sever tension in his voice, "It is _very_ disturbing to think throughout history, as well as in the present day, there are actual people out there that will do stuff like this to certain minority groups for no reason other than _'they exist and we don't like them.'_ These sick twisted individuals need to be wiped out."

* * *

 _The rest of the pokemon following Ribbon finally came to see what all the noise was about. Once they saw it was the shiny Eevee getting hurt, they all went back to their homes._

* * *

"Congratulations!" Keldeo said in a mock celebratory manner, "All of you are now marked for death! Seriously, all of you. You're all dead."

"So, Ribbons tries to save her daughter, but it turns out Shadow has the Raichu and Breloom from earlier acting as his personal Gestapo."

* * *

 _Ribbon raced over to stop Shadow with what he was doing, but was stopped by the same Raichu and Breloom from before. They were guarding Shadow just in case Ribbon came to stop him. "Shadow please don't do this."_

 _"I'm sorry dear, but I have no choice in this matter."_

* * *

 _ **Batman:**_ _"You always have a choice. You can save lives or take them."_

* * *

 _Ribbon tried to struggle her way out of the grasp of the two guards, but it was useless. Both of the pokemon are too strong to break free from. She could only watch as her husband carried their child to the edge of the cliff._

* * *

"Wait a minute. . . throwing an unwanted child off a cliff? What is this, Sparta?" Keldeo asked in disbelief.

* * *

 _"SHADOW PLEASE DON'T DO IT"_

 _"I'm sorry, but this is the only way."_

* * *

"You're not _sorry_!" Keldeo accused angrily, "You're a child killing psychopath, of course you're not sorry!"

* * *

 _He put the Eevee back into his mouth to drop her over. Crystal, who went unconscious during her beating, woke up to see her mother being restrained. She also felt her father's teeth on her scruff and saw him walk her to the cliff's edge._

 _"MOMMY HELP ME PLEASE"_

* * *

"Thankfully, through the power of love, Ribbons finds the strength to Moonblast the Gestapo and take Crystal away from Shadow."

* * *

 _Shadow heard the explosion and turned to see his wife heading towards him. She used her ribbons to pry Crystal from his mouth and brought her over to her side. Shadow launched a Shadow Ball at both of them, but ribbon blocked it with her ribbons. She reflected the attack back at Shadow which knocked him back._

 _"You won't hurt my child even if it kills me."_

 _"You're throwing away your life Ribbon. If you keep Crystal, then you will be targeted by every pokemon in this forest."_

 _"Then so be it" Ribbon then charged up another Moonblast attack and launched it at Shadow._ _The attack hit Shadow off of the cliff with him screaming as he fell to his death over a hundred feet below._

* * *

"YES! _**YES!"**_ Keldeo shouted triumphantly as he performed a backflip, "FINALLY, HE'S DEAD! JUSTICE IS SERVED! WOO-HOO!"

Keldeo stopped to catch his breath for a moment, and he chuckled before saying, "Heh-heh. Sorry, it's just. . . _biscuits_ , that guy was _evil_! Seriously! I mean, this must be a sneak peak of what it's gonna feel like when Damian Stone dies at the end of _Zuma's Courage_ by HavocHound."

Keldeo laughed a bit more and said, "And here's something else, did Ribbons just turn into Leonidas in this scene?"

 _ **Shadow:**_ _"Mad woman. . . you're a mad woman. . ."_

 _ **Ribbons:**_ _"Yeah, and brimstone. And you'll find plenty of both where you're going."_

 _ **Shadow:**_ _"No Pokemon, Dark-Type or Fairy-Type, no Pokemon threatens their mate!"_

 _ **Ribbons:**_ _"You take my child in the dead of night. . . you viciously beat her. . . you sentence her to death. . . I lived my life honorably, Shadow. Perhaps you should have done the same."_

 _ **Shadow:**_ _"This is blasphemy. . . this is madness!"_

 _ **Ribbons:**_ _"Madness. . .THIS! IS! JUSTICE!"_

 _Ribbon then charged up another Moonblast attack and launched it at Shadow._ _The attack hit Shadow off of the cliff with him screaming as he fell to his death over a hundred feet below._

"The only thing that ruins this scene," Keldeo added with a disappointed frown, ". . . is that the author decides to make it all gory for no reason."

* * *

 _Ribbon held Crystal in her ribbons and looked over the edge. Shadow landed-_

* * *

"No no no no, don't show it!" Keldeo shouted as he waved his forehooves frantically. He calmed down quickly and remarked, "But seriously, I think we could've figured out how he died without the unnecessary gore! Ugh, _Skyrim_ has less gore than what's described in this scene." Keldeo then paused a moment, and then added quickly, "Unless you count the _Dawnguard_ expansion, the one with all the vampires. Ugh. . ."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "So anyway, _ding, dong, Shadow's dead,_ Ribbons tells the other kids that Shadow left, and they all go back to bed. Problem solved, right?"

 _ **Lex Luthor:**_ _"WRONG!"_

* * *

 _The next morning Ribbon was greeted with the anger from the wives of the Breloom and the Raichu. Ribbon left them in critical condition last night and the forest healers might not be able to save them. Ribbon just ignored them and launched Fairy's Wind at the wives. Both wives got up to run away from the Sylveon. Shadow was right, all the pokemon want to kill her and Crystal._

* * *

"So _now_ Ribbons decides to leave Fascism Forest, instead of, ya know, right after Team Gestapo threatened Crystal the _first_ time and shadow threw her against the wall! Seriously, this Sylveon needs a little more common sense!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _They trekked for miles that lead through five different forests. Going through the six one lead them to a secluded part of that forest where only Eeveelutions live. Another thing about this secret area is that some of the families here have shiny kids and adults. This was a dream come true to Ribbon._

* * *

Keldeo wore a perfectly straight face as he remarked, "Actually, I'm pretty sure this is just normal reality." Keldeo then sighed and added with a sad smile, "But, I suppose when someone is trapped in a dystopian environment for a long time and then is finally able to return to normal society, it's bound to feel like a dream world utopia for them. She even finds a new boyfriend and- _wait, what!?_ "

* * *

 _Ribbon was admiring the place, but bumped into a Flareon._

 _"Sorry, should've watched where I was going."_

 _"It's okay."_

 _Ribbon looked into the Flareon's eyes and he looked into her's._

 _"Hi, my name is Flame."_

 _"I'm Ribbon."_

 _"You want to go on a walk with me tonight under the moonlight."_

 _"Sure."_

* * *

"Who does that?!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Not even Romeo and Juliet got together that fast! I wouldn't be surprised if Flame just said that as a longshot!"

 _ **Flame:**_ _"You want to go on a walk with me tonight under the moonlight."_

 _ **(Flame's Thoughts:**_ _"Oh my gosh, why did I say that for? She's gonna think I'm a creep-."_ _ **)**_

 _ **Ribbons:**_ _"Sure."_

 _ **(Flame's Thoughts:**_ _"That actually worked!?"_ _ **)**_

* * *

 _As they were talking, several Eevee ran to both of them knocking them over. Ribbon' kids knocked her over and Ribbon noticed that Flame has two Eevees climbing on him. He told her that these were his kids and that his wife passed during a Beedrill attack. Ribbon did the same with her kids and told Flame about her husband._

 _"That's horrible. You poor little Eevee (Crystal)"_

* * *

"UGH!" Keldeo groaned loudly, "Again with the disruptive parenthesis Author's Notes! Would it really have been soooooo hard to write it like this:"

 _"That's horrible. You poor little Eevee," Flame said to Crystal._

"Between the lazy romance and this laziness here, it feels like the author just burned out towards the end and of the fanfic and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible.

* * *

 _"Yeah. His forest hates all types of shiny or abnormal pokemon."_

 _"So you left his forest?"_

 _"Yup."_

 _"Need a place for your kids to stay the night."_

 _Flame leads Ribbons and her kids to his home that was big enough for all of them. While the kids played, Ribbons and Flame went for their long walk. Ribbon couldn't have found a better place for them to live in._

 _(1 Year Later)_

 _It's been one year since Ribbons found the Eevee Forest for herself and her kids. All her kids and Flames have moved out because they were old enough. It wasn't completely empty though, Ribbons was wrapped around four Eevee eggs. She and Flame got married one month after meeting._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Well, at least they waited to get married longer than Romeo and Juliet."

* * *

 _They celebrated their honeymoon by burning down the forest of the shiny haters._

* * *

Keldeo sat up straight and said, "Okay, so, do you remember how I said that this fanfic reminded me of Brian Jacques' _Redwall_ books? Well, this part here is why. You see, in most of the _Redwall_ books, the main villain, whether it be a fox or wildcat or rat or weasel or whatever, has this big group of evil animals. This group usually spent the entire book abusing slaves, ruling over the innocent, or just killing good creatures. So, the story always ends with the heroes of Redwall Abbey coming in with a big army to wipe out the villain and all of his followers. In _High Rhulain,_ all of the cats on Green Isle are all killed for enslaving the otters. In _Triss,_ the ferret king and his army of rats are all killed, and all of the slaves are freed and claim the kingdom as their new home. I could go on and on with examples, but you get the picture. The point is that when a group builds its very existence on performing atrocities, execution really is the only appropriate punishment, because, assuming you don't have the time or resources to build a prison, what else _can_ you do with a group like that? Seriously, what else can you do with them?"

* * *

 _It was a nice honeymoon for the both of them._

* * *

Keldeo grinned and said, "And the fact that _this_ is what they consider a good honeymoon is both a Crowning Moment of Awesome _and_ a Crowning Moment of Funny at the same time."

* * *

 _Especially for Ribbons because she saw the same male and female Raichu trying to save their Pichu from their burning home. She remembers seeing a Pichu climb through the window only to be crushed by the roof of their house. The parents only able to hear the screams of their dying children put a smile on her face. That was payback for what they did when she used to live here. The parents also died when a burning tree fall down on top of them._

* * *

Keldeo fired a Focus Blast into the shallow water in front of him, and then shouted, "YOU _**MORON**_! You ruined _everything_! You can't punish little children for their parents' crimes! They're innocent! In the _Redwall_ books, the bad guys never have families with small children. Sometimes there would be the evil child of the villain who wants to overthrow their parent, but that's it! The bad guys never have any innocent children, it's always an evil army of adults who are aware of what they are doing and enjoy performing acts of evil. Ribbons and Flame have no right to execute the children like this. Thanks a lot, Pokemon45! You ruined the entire ending for me!"

Keldeo gave a sigh and said unenthusiastically, "Speaking of the ending, here it is."

* * *

 _All the remembering was caught off when Ribbons began to hear cracking from her eggs. Flame came in immediately when he heard the cracking._

 _Ribbon already knew the drill with what happens. The first two eggs hatch being female. Flame brought them over to Ribbon's who cleaned them. The third egg hatched and it was a male. There was only one egg left and when it hatched, both of the parents howled in happiness. The last egg had another male in it and the male was a shiny._

 _"Just like my Crystal."_

 _Flame broke the rest of the egg because the little Eevee was having trouble getting out. He brought the Eevee to its mother. Ribbons leaned down to clean the little one. When she was done, he shiny baby gave a lick to its mother's nose. Ribbon gave it a kiss on the head back._

 _"Welcome to the world little on."_

* * *

"And we end on a spelling error too. What a cherry on top," Keldeo grumbled, "This story was a complete, uncomfortable, brutal mess. It was awful to see a child and its mother be abused so sadistically, not to mention nearly murdered. Sure, it was satisfying to see the villain get what he deserved, but even that got ruined with the unnecessary gore. The we had the weird Author's Notes, the lazy romance, the quick resolution, and the overly vengeful ending that just puts a bad taste in your mouth. I didn't like this fanfic at all, and I don't plan on reading it again. Ever."

Keldeo stomped his hooves irritably and said, "Aw man, this was _almost_ like the ending to Brian Jacques' _Triss, **almost**_! The ending was all wrong! I wish there was some way I could fix it."

"You already have, Keldeo," came a strong, noble voice.

Keldeo turned to see that it was Coballion, followed by Virizion and Terrakion.

"Huh? What do you mean," Keldeo asked him.

Coballion explained, "The burning of the Forest of Child-Killing Pokemon was an event that the Sword of Justice bore witness to."

"WHAT!?" Keldeo exclaimed in shock, "YOU WERE THERE!?"

"Indeed," Virizion said with a smile, "This fanfic simply doesn't tell the whole story. You see, we were called there by Arceus himself to officially pass judgment on the adult Pokemon in the forest, while also making sure all of the innocent children got out safely during their parents' mass execution."

"Woah. . ." Keldeo said in amazement, but then he frowned and said, "But wait, I wasn't there. So, what did Coballion mean by-."

Terrakion laughed and said, "Time travel, Keldeo!"

Keldeo blinked and echoed, "Time travel?"

Suddenly, Celebi appeared with a flash and said, "Yup! You get to go back in time and help bring justice to all the Shiny Pokemon that were killed in that forest! Isn't it great!"

"No way! Really? I get to go back in time and help you?" Keldeo asked, filled with amazement.

"Yes, Keldeo," Coballion said with a proud smile, "You have grown and matured as an excellent Sword of Justice, and this is to be both a reward and the fulfillment of a prophecy, that you would carry out justice in the past, present, and future. This is a great honor, Keldeo, and if memory serves, which it most certainly does, you will do full justice to the honor."

Both awestruck and humbled by Coballion's words, Keldeo bowed his head respectfully and said, "Thank you, Coballion. I won't let any of you down."

Terrakion gave a big grin and said, "Oh, don't worry! You won't!"

"Alrighty!" Celebi said gleefully, "So, once we warp over to the past, we'll give the past Swords of Justice the info, and they'll let you know what to do. Ready, Keldeo?"

"Let's do it! Woo-hoo!" Keldeo exclaimed.

Celebi nodded, and she and Keldeo vanished in a flash.

* * *

 _ **(The Past)**_

* * *

The Pokemon of the forest all got out of their homes and stared up at the sky. Many of them had to shield their eyes due to the bright light that was shining down on them. However, they were momentarily distracted by them by the sound of thundering hoofbeats approaching.

They looked and saw the four Swords of Justice galloping into the clearing everyone had gathered within. Leading the Swords of Justice was none other than Keldeo himself. He wasn't smiling cockily. Rather, he had a grim, serious expression on his face.

There was a sudden flash of light from above, and all of the Pokemon of the forest looked up and gasped. Arceus himself was hovering above them, giving them a cold, hard stare.

Keldeo cleared his throat, and stomped his right forehoof a few times in order to get everyone's attention. Naturally, this didn't work, so in a glorious flash of light, he turned into his Resolute Form, and this did get everyone's attention.

Satisfied that everyone's eyes were on him, Keldeo began.

"Good morning, Arcues your honor.  
The Swords of Justice will prove the Pokemon of this forest  
Are guilty of murdering children!  
Murdering children that are of a Shiny color;  
This will not do."

Keldeo then shouted out, "Give you testimony, Ribbons!"

All of the Pokemon of the forest gasped when they saw the familiar Sylveon walk in, accompanied by a Flareon. Sylveon glared at all of the Pokemon around her, but specifically focused on the Raichu and Breloom that had helped Shadow, as she gave her testimony.

"I always knew they all were wicked  
In their hearts, your honor.  
If I'd have had my way I could have flayed them into shape!  
But my paws were tied,  
These awful hate filled bigots  
All _enjoy_ the act of murder!  
Let me strangle them today!"

Meanwhile, the precocious Pichu could see what was going on from inside his home. As he watched the scene, he hung his head and sang sadly.

"Crazy,  
Toys in the attic, they are crazy,  
Truly gone fishing.  
They must have taken their marbles away."

The Pichu's siblings nodded their heads and sang a well.

" _Crazy,  
Toys in the attic, they are crazy."_

Flame the Flareon marched up to the Raichu and Breloom. The two Pokemon looked very uncomfortable between the angry mother, the furious Fire-type approaching them, the Swords of Justice deliberating quietly amongst themselves, and Arceus himself floating high above them with that cold hard stare. Flame eyes seemed to be filled with fire as he spoke to them with righteous anger in his voice.

"You sadist freaks, you're in it now,  
I hope they throw away the key.  
You should have repented when Shadow fell to his death, but no!  
You had to go your own way,  
Have you broken any other homes up lately?  
Just five minutes, Arceus your honor,  
Them and me, alone."

A violent looked flashed in Flame's eyes, and the two wicked Pokemon were terrified. But then, the combined cry of two females could suddenly be heard.

 _"Baaaaaaaaaabe!"_ cried the wives of the Riachu and Breloom.

The two females hugged their husbands and cried out desperately.

 _"Come to me, oh baby! let me hold you in my arms!"_

The female Raichu then cried out to Arceus in a loud voice.

"Arceus, I don't see why we should  
Get in any trouble.  
It was just a Shiny Eevee!  
Such _abominations_ shouldn't be in our home!"

The Pichu moaned and covered his face with his forepaws as he sang out miserably.

"Crazy,  
Over the rainbow, they are crazy,  
Bars in the window.  
I hope there is a door in this cruel wall  
So I can leave!"

The rest of his siblings sang somberly as well.

 _"Crazy,  
Over the rainbow, they are crazy."_

Arceus's eyes flashed, as in an instant, the remains of all the Shiny Pokemon children the citizens of the forest had killed over the years were floating up in the sky all around him. The Pokemon on the ground gasped in shock and fear as Arceus held the proof of their atrocities above them.

Filled with a rage that surpassed all others, Arceus roared down at the Pokemon of the forest as loud as he could.

"THE EVIDENCE BEFORE THE COURT IS. . .  
 _INCONTROVERTIBLE_ ,  
THERE'S NO NEED FOR THE FOUR SWORDS TO RETIRE!

IN ALL MY YEARS OF JUDGING,  
I HAVE NEVER HEARD BEFORE  
OF ANYONE MORE DESERVING OF THE FULL PENALTY OF LAW!

AND THE WAY YOU MADE THEM SUFFER,  
THE SHINY AND HER MOTHER,  
FILLS ME WITH THE URGE OT _INCINERATE!_ "

Keldeo cheered and backflipped, "Woo-hoo! Go ahead, Arceus! Destroy 'em!"

With a flash, Arceus returned the remains of all the dead Shiny Pokemon back to their resting places and continued to address the terrified Pokemon below him.

SINCE, YOU FIENDS, YOU HAVE REVEALED YOUR DEEPEST FEARS,  
I SENTECNE YOU TO BE EXECUTED BY YOUR PEERS!  
 _ **BURN DOWN THESE EVIL WOODS!**_ "

Arceus unleashed his Judgement attack, which knocked down all of the evil Pokemon.

" _Burn down the woods! Burn down the woods!"_ chanted the Swords of Justice as Flame quickly ran around using Flamethrower on all the trees. Before long, the entire forest was ablaze. Before long after that, the entire forest was reduced to smoldering ashes, and not a single living adult Pokemon was left.

However, after Ribbons and Flame had left, the Swords of Justice went to work. Keldeo took the sky, spraying Hydro Pump out of his hooves to put out the fires. Virizion had gone off to fetch some Chanseys and Audinos to help relocate the innocent children to new families.

This left the males to go through the forest and gather up all the kids who were now free from the toxic influence of their evil parents.

During all this, Keldeo came to a collapsed home for one of the Pokemon families. Using his Secret Sword, he effortlessly lifted up the roof, and a group of Pichus quickly climbed out. They were then tended to by one of the Audinos that had just begun to arrive. However, Keldeo couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. He took another look at the home, and walked towards where the wall with the window would have been. He then lifted the roof off of that part of the collapsed house, revealing the precocious Pichu.

Keldeo smiled gently and held his hoof out to the little Pokemon. The Pichu blinked his eyes, and then grabbed onto Keldeo's hoof and was helped up to his feet.

Then, the Pichu did something that surprised Keldeo a great deal. The Pichu looked around at the destroyed forest, then at all the little Pokemon being tended to by the Chanseys and Audino while the other three Swords of Justice oversaw everything. Then, the little took a deep breath, and recited,

"All alone, or in two's,  
The ones who really love you  
Walk up and down _outside_ the wall.

Some hand in hand  
And some gathered together in bands.  
 _Against_ the hate filled bigots,  
They make their stand.

And when they've given you their all  
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy  
But in the end, evil will always eventually fall."

The Pichu turned his head to look at Keldeo when he heard him clapping his hooves together in applause.

"That was beautiful," Keldeo whispered as his eyes were all shiny and filled with emotion.

The Pichu smiled and said, "Thank you."

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well. . . um. . ."

"Can I go with you?" the Pichu suddenly asked.

"Huh?" Keldeo said, caught off-guard by the question.

"No one here ever complimented my unique talents," the precocious young Pichu said, "I think my parents actually hated my singing. It didn't help that I quickly picked up on what they and the rest of the adults were doing to all the Shiny children and resented them for it. I lost a brother because of their evil."

Keldeo was amazed at how articulate and intelligent the little Pokemon was. Of course, Pokemon were able to survive and even battle on their own after only a few days after hatching, but this Pichu was something else entirely.

"Wow, you really are-," Keldeo began.

"Precocious?" the Pichu offered with a smile.

"Yeah," Keldeo said, smiling back.

"So, can I come with you?" the Pichu asked.

Keldeo was still a bit unsure. "Umm. . ." he said.

Celebi suddenly appeared next to them and said, "Go on! It's okay! It's meant to be!"

Thrilled to have Celebi's approval, Keldeo nodded enthusiastically and said, "Okay! You're in!"

"YES!" Pichu said with a fist-pump.

There was a flash, and Celebi, Keldeo, and the Pichu all disappeared.

* * *

 _ **(The Present)**_

* * *

Keldeo and Pichu reappeared on the rock platform Keldeo did his reviews on.

Keldeo turned to the Pichu and said, "Welcome to _Keldeo the Critic. . ._ umm. . . what's your name?"

The Pichu just smiled and answered, "Floyd."

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _From Pink Floyd's "The Wall"_

Another Brick in the Wall

Waiting for the Worms

The Trial

Outside the Wall

 _Ukulele Pichu from Pokemon Ranger: Guardian Signs_

 _Portal 2_

 _Don't Hug Me I'm Scared- Get Creative_

 _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (1964)_

 _Nostalgia Critic- The Princess Diaries 2_

 _The Angry Bug Show_ by DragonNiro

 _Bubsy the Bobcat cartoon_

 _Zuma's Fear / Zuma's Courage_ by HavocHound

 _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)_

 _Beware the Batman (2013)_

 _300 (2007)_

 _Superman Returns (2006)_

 _Romeo and Juliet_

 _The Redwall Series_ by Brian Jacques

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _Wikipedia_

 _TVTropes_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _Pink Floyd Lyrics com_


	23. E6: Two GOOD Sylveon Fanfics

A hot pink background appeared, and the music for the Classic Walt Disney Pictures intro played. However, instead of the Disney castle appearing on screen, a light pink full moon appeared. On the moon was the silhouette of a Sylveon. There was a flash of light, and the words _"Sylveon Month"_ written in the iconic Walt Disney font appeared underneath the moon. Two pairs of ribbons arced out from the Sylveon silhouette and made a double heart shape over the pink moon.

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 6: Two GOOD Sylveon Fanfics**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL:** **y74no8zf**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said happily, but then he sighed and said, "Well, it looks like Sylveon Month is over, and the fanfics I've reviewed this month weren't. . . very. . . _good_. . . exactly. . . They were kinda dark and depressing, actually. . ."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly as he spoke, but then he gave a genuine smile and said, "On that note, I've decided to end Sylveon Month on a high note with a pair of fanfics that are actually _good_! These are fanfics that will make you feel good inside when you read them! They'll be sure to put a smile on your face! Now, this I'm not gonna actually review them. This is more like my own personal endorsements with a few comments thrown in for good measure. So, let's get started!"

* * *

 _ **The Dance**_

 _By: MoiraShipper_

 _During the episode of the dance, from xy &z, Bunnelby and Sylveon talk after Serena's pokemon evolution._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance - Sylveon, Bunnelby - Words: 533 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: Mar 18, 2016 - Status: Complete - id: 11847936_

* * *

"This is a short and sweet story that features a nice moment between Serena's Sylveon and Clemont's Bunnelby," Keldeo said with a smile, "It takes places after the events of _XY105: Party Dancecapades!,_ where Eevee evolves into Sylveon. It deals with how Eevee's shyness gave Bunnelby a purpose in her life, and how Bunnelby is worried that he is no longer needed. The ending is. . . cliched, but as a nice little romance between two characters that have always gotten along so sweetly, it's perfect and is great for when you're in the mood for some fluffy romance."

Keldeo then sighed and said, "Aw man, I wish someone would make an animation of Sylveon and Bunnelby dancing together."

Keldeo then blushed and chuckled awkwardly, "Heh-heh-heh. Moving on!"

* * *

 _ **A Trainer and His Sylveon**_

 _By: Sonic2978_

 _A Trainer reminisces about the time when he first met his beloved, Sylveon._

 _Rated: Fiction K - English - Friendship - OC, Sylveon - Words: 2,490 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 6 - Updated: May 14, 2016 - Published: Apr 22, 2016 - Status: Complete - id: 11908799_

* * *

"Okay, this one is pretty simple and straightforward," Keldeo said, "It's about a boy who finds an Eevee in the rain, keeps her, bonds with her, and gets her to evolve into Sylveon. And that's pretty much it. There's no real conflict or problem or trouble. It's just, well, Exactly What It Says on the Tin: _A Trainer and His Sylveon._ "

Keldeo smiled warmly and said, " _But,_ there are a number of things that makes this fanfic stand out. First of all, the story is told in the first-person perspective, and through a series of flashbacks. This is a clever device that makes you feel like you're reliving a series of vivid memories that are kept in the heart. Plus, the story is written very well with excellent grammar and great formatting. There's also a lot of excellent detail and descriptions here as well. We get some snapshots of how the Eevee and the boy get closer over time and how they interact, so when Eevee evolves into Sylveon, it's simply the logical conclusion to what we're shown. Plus, having the boy's mother play an active role in the story was a good idea, as she acts as a source of info for the main character."

Keldeo nodded and said, "And it's perfectly fine that the plot is very simple and tame. This is just a kind of story meant to make you feel good. _A Trainer and His Sylveon_ is a story you should read when you're feeling sad or angry or upset. It's very touching and cute and charming and will most certainly make you smile. It makes you _happy,_ and that's a great achievement for _any_ fanfic. It has effort, it has heart, and is just one big Crowning Moment of Heartwarming. Trust me, you need to check it out right now!"

Keldeo grinned and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and-."

Keldeo was interrupted by the sound of Mariachi music being played on a guitar. Keldeo frowned and said, ". . .get ready for something completely different for the next episode."

Keldeo then walked off in the direction of the music and called out, "I thought you were the _Ukulele_ Pichu!?"

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _TVTropes_

 _Bulbapedia_

 _TinyURL_

 _Pokemon Ranger: Guardian Signs_


	24. For Love of Manican Food

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

"V-WHEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd shouted.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Seven:** _ **For Love of Manican Food**_ **by Shire Folk**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL- y7war84b**

The rock platform on which Keldeo gave his reviews was currently empty at the moment. It remained that way for a while, the Moor of Icirrus generally quiet except for the muffled sound of arguing nearby. The voices blended with the sound of someone strumming the string of a guitar.

Eventually, Keldeo stepped through the shallow water, dragging his hooves as his head hung a little low. This was due to the comically large sombrero he was wearing on his head, and the weight of it was only one reason why Keldeo's head was low.

Keldeo stepped onto the platform and said rather quickly, " _Hi, I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to._ " He then gave a sigh, and with a forces smile, he said, "Happy Cinco de Mayo!"

Floyd the Pichu jumped in and began playing his guitar and singing.

" _G, U, A, C-A, M, O, L-E! Guacamole!_

 _G, U, A, C-A, M, O, L-E! Guacamoleeeeeee!"_

"NO! We're not doing this! I'm not Mexican!" Keldeo said as he threw off his sombrero, interrupted Floyd's song to boot. Then he added, "And no more _Rhett and Link_ references! We don't need to rip off of them!"

Floyd pouted and said, "But you rip off of Doug Walker all the time."

"That's different. This whole show was inspired by the _Nostalgia Critic,_ " Keldeo argued back, "And shouldn't you be playing the ukulele?"

Floyd frowned angrily and gave his guitar a strum. "We've been through this before, Keldeo! I am _not_ the Ukulele Pichu from _Pokemon Ranger: Guardian Signs_! I'm a precocious Pichu that was the smartest child in my family who grew up underneath two bigoted sadistic Raichus, until they were brought to justice and I was able to use my intelligence to join up with you. And I also have a gift for playing the _guitar._ You got that?"

"Yeah," Keldeo grumbled.

"Good!" Floyd said, and he walked away.

Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay, first of all, no offense to anyone who celebrates Cinco de Mayo. However, I simply do not celebrate it. As for why I attempted to do that whole Mexican themed intro, well, I guess I just wanted an excuse to review a My Little Pony fanfic from FimFictionNet that I really like. _For Love of Manican Food_ by Shire Folk."

* * *

 _ **For Love of Manican Food**_

 _by Shire Folk_

 _First published 9th of March, 2012_

 _Did you know that there's no place in Ponyville to get a decent burrito? Neither did Twilight._

 _It's lunchtime in Ponyville, and Twilight Sparkle's stomach is calling for something with a little more flavour than what she usually feeds it. How will she and her friends react, though, when the lavender unicorn discovers that there is no place in Ponyville where a pony can get a decent burrito?_

* * *

"This fanfic is _great,_ " Keldeo said with a big smile, "It's just a perfect little slice of life story that's not only funny, but relatable and keeps everypony in character. And the funny part about it is that is almost sounds like a joke or a troll fic. How could anyone possibly write a story about Twilight Sparkle looking for a burrito?"

Keldeo nodded enthusiastically and said, "Well, Shire Folk sure found a way, and we're gonna take a look at it! So, get out your Tabasco sauce-."

"And your guacamole!" Floyd chimed in from offscreen.

Keldeo kept smiling and continued, "Yeah, sure. This is _For Love of Manican Food._ "

* * *

 _Twilight Sparkle stared at the sandwich on the plate in front of her with an expression akin to annoyance. Although it was a lovely blend of daisies and daffodils between the two pieces of bread, and although her stomach was making a considerable case for the sandwich on the plate, the unicorn just couldn't bring herself to eat it._

* * *

"Neither could I," Keldeo remarked with a frown, "Seriously, that's it? Flowers between bread? How about a Darumaka Lunchbox or something more filling. At least throw in an apple!"

 _ **Iris:**_ _"Ugh! It's so bitter!"_

 _ **Bonnie:**_ _"Ugh! It's so sour!"_

Keldeo backed down quickly and said, "Okay, okay, forget the apple! Forget it. . ."

* * *

" _Ugh," said Twilight, finally breaking down. Her horn became enveloped in magenta energy and the sandwich and plate levitated into the air in the unicorn's telekinetic grasp. The sandwich flew towards her refrigerator, whereupon she also seized the handle with her magic, opened the fridge, and placed the sandwich within. "I'll just eat this thing later," she declared._

* * *

Silver Quill the hippogriff slowly rose up in the foreground, smiling while holding up a sign that read "DOOM."

Keldeo stared at him as he slowly lowered back down and out of sight. Keldeo shook off his confusion and said, "Okay. . . so then Twilight decides to go eat out, and runs into Rainbow Dash. Oh, and I kinda find it interesting how the story addresses that Spike's obsession with Rarity may not be entirely healthy."

* * *

 _She considered calling for Spike, but then remembered that he wasn't around today. The baby dragon had gone with Rarity to hunt for more gems that she could use in her gowns. No matter what Twilight thought about that situation, Spike was comfortable with it, so it wasn't entirely in her hooves._

* * *

" _Hey, where's Spike at today?" Rainbow Dash asked._

" _Oh, Spike's out helping Rarity collect more gemstones today," Twilight told the pegasus._

" _Uh-huh," said Rainbow, "she's still got him wrapped around her hoof, huh?"_

 _Twilight sighed. "You could say that._

* * *

"I mean, sure, I'd gladly do stuff for Meloetta, but we're actually a couple," Keldeo explained, "Spike acts like he's been hit by Attract whenever he's near Rarity, and Rarity refuses to tell him what he needs to know. I don't _want_ to say that Rarity's taking advantage of Spike, but that's what it looks like! Imagine if Pikachu had Buneary fetch him berries and bottles of ketchup all the time, he'd look like a jerk!"

Keldeo went back to smiling again as he continued his review, "Speaking of detail, the author also does a good job of describing the ponies as well as the architecture of Ponyville. It makes you wish you could go there!"

* * *

 _In front of the two ponies stood the quaint building with its thatched roof and outdoor tables. Through the pink-tinted windows the pair could just see numerous ponies inside, enthusiastically eating their lunches while sharing local gossip. The waiter pony, a cream-coloured earth pony stallion with a sleek cobalt mane, was currently attending to a table where Derpy Hooves sat with Raindrops, the waiter pony presenting the wall-eyed Derpy with the plate of blueberry muffins she'd ordered. The two pegasi saw Rainbow Dash and waved at her. Rainbow Dash gave them both a friendly wave back, while Twilight Sparkle was a little more reserved in her wave. She still remembered how the two mailponies had accidentally dropped a flowerpot, anvil, hay cart, and piano on her while she was researching Pinkie Pie's 'pinkie sense'._

" _Uh, Rainbow, Pinkie's tail wasn't twitching earlier, was it?"_

* * *

Fireworks went off as Silver Quill rose back up with his forelegs held up high. _"CONITNUITY!"_ he cheered, right before lowered back down out of sight.

". . .Okay, this is starting to _really_ freak me out," Keldeo remarked, his eyes big and wide.

Keldeo shook it off and said, "So, Twilight and Rainbow go to the Café, but Twilight leaves when she sees that they don't have any burritos."

* * *

 _The weather pony gave Twilight a confused look. "They don't have what now?"_

" _Burritos. They're a traditional Manican food."_

 _Rainbow Dash looked even more perplexed at Twilight's simple explanation. "I'm sorry Twi, Manican?"_

 _Twilight Sparkle just shook her head and gave her athletic friend a patient smile. "Oh Rainbow Dash, Manico is a province in southern Equestria. It has a much more tropical environment than the temperate one we enjoy here in Ponyville. The ponies there eat spicier foods than we do too."_

" _Spicier, huh?"_

 _Twilight rolled her eyes. "It's where we get our hot sauce from."_

 _Rainbow Dash at last showed recognition in her face. "Oh, right, Manico!" She landed. "So, what's the sudden craving for Manican food?"_

" _Well, Lyra borrowed a cookbook from the library earlier, and it kinda got my mind going towards wanting some Manican cuisine. I haven't had it for a while, not since I left Canterlot to come here for the Summer Sun Celebration."_

 _Rainbow Dash laughed. "Well, that's no surprise. There aren't any Manican ponies or restaurants in Ponyville."_

* * *

"Now, this was written in 2012," Keldeo said, "This was long before the episode _Twilight Time,_ where we got introduced to Hayburger, Equestria's version of McDonalds. So while back _then,_ the idea of there being no places to get Mexican, or Manican, food in Ponyville is plausible, right _now,_ it seems hard to believe."

Keldeo frowned in annoyance and said, "I mean, how can there be an Equestrian McDonalds, but no Equestrian Taco Bell? It all seems very. . . suspicious. . ."

The symbol of the Belluminati flashed on screen.

"So, Twilight goes off to find some place where she can get a burrito, which leads causes Rainbow Dash to round up Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Applejack out of concern for their hungry unicorn friend."

* * *

" _Applejack, we've got a big problem!"_

" _Problem?" asked Applejack. "What sort of problem?"_

" _It's Twilight!" Rainbow Dash wailed dramatically, falling over onto her back._

" _The poor pony's gone crazy again, AJ," said Pinkie Pie, the party pony a little displeased. "She's causing a fracas up and down Ponyville because she can't get her hooves on a burrito."_

 _Applejack looked at her in confusion. "Ah'm sorry sugar cube, but could you say that again?"_

 _The pink-coated mare sighed, took a deep breath, and began explaining. "So Twilight left the library for lunch—she'd made a lunch but she didn't really want to eat it because she wanted something different—met Rainbow Dash and went to the Blue Carrot Café—I've always wondered about that name, Blue Carrot Café, because carrots aren't blue, they're orange! I think I saw a white carrot once, but somepony told me that that was really a horseradish…"_

* * *

"EX – PO – SI – TION! EX – PO – SI – TION! SPELL – IT – OUT! AS – AP!" Munna and Keldeo sang out.

"But, seriously, Pinkie Pie is in perfect character her with her semi-insane and off-topic rambling tangents," Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

" _Because if this is what Ah think it is, Twilight's going to cause some kinda big catastrophe like the last time if we don't take her seriously. All of Ponyville could be in danger! Ah don't even want to imagine what could happen to the farm iffen she goes bonkers again."_

* * *

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "Now, you might think this is kinda judgement of Twilight's friends to assume that she's gonna cause a disaster."

Keldeo put down his hoof and chuckled a bit as he shrugged, "Well, they're not _wrong!_ We learn from the Rainbow that Twilight ran around like crazy asking everyone for a burrito only to get nothing back each time, and The Want It Need It Spell incident is still fresh in their minds. Plus, to be perfectly honest, Twilight Sparkle is a bit of a neurotic. Sure, she's functional, intelligent, and _has_ gotten better, but this fanfic takes place before she became an Alicorn Princess. Not to mention, she was literally the most powerful mortal mage alive at this point in the series. She turned the entire town in a Smash Bros. stage when she was just _nervous._ Imagine what she could do if she was nervous, _desperate, exasperated, frustrated,_ _ **and starving to death!**_ Because you know she's gonna refuse to eat _anything_ else until she gets that burrito!"

* * *

" _Um, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy began in her soft voice. "I know what a burrito is."_

" _What?" the cyan pegasus rounded on the timid light-yellow one. "Why didn't you say anything before?"_

" _Because you never mentioned that Twilight was looking for burritos before," Fluttershy answered, slightly averting her teal eyes._

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAH!**_

Keldeo smiled goofily and shrugged.

* * *

 _Fluttershy answered slowly, "I don't have any burritos, and I don't know how to make them, unfortunately. But I do know what they are. I have a cousin in Manico. I went to his house two years ago, and we had some of the most delicious Manican food on a picnic near the rainforest! There were so many different birds and lizards and insects there." She sighed. "It was like a dream."_

* * *

"Huh. Maybe that's why Tommy Oliver calls Fluttershy 'Cheesy Gordita,'" Keldeo mused in interest. Then he frowned and said, "Why are Brony Analysts invading my review?!"

* * *

" _I've got it!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. "We hold a great big Manican food party! We'll all have so much fun stuffing our mouths with Manican food that there's no way Twilight will go on a big, wild, Princess-has-to-come-save-the-day rampage!"_

" _That's a great idea Pinkie," Applejack agreed. "There's only one problem, though. None of us know how to make Manican food."_

* * *

"Wait a minute! I thought Pinkie knew how to make chimmi-cherry-changas?" Keldeo asked in confusion.

* * *

" _I know that this will sound a little strange," Twilight Sparkle began, "and I know that you make the best muffins in Ponyville and this has nothing to do with muffins, but you wouldn't happen to know how to make a burrito would you?"_

 _Derpy placed her muffin back down on her plate. She looked back at Twilight Sparkle, smiling apologetically. "Sorry Twilight Sparkle, but I don't even know what a burrito is."_

* * *

"Well, Gary knew how to tie Spongebob's shoes, so maybe asking Derpy was worth a shot," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _The lavender unicorn appeared to try and withhold a frustrated scream before she started to gallop off. Five seconds later she appeared to lose all restraint._

" _Doesn't ANYPONY here know what a burrito is!?"_

* * *

The Belluminati symbol flashed on screen again.

"And then the Flying Dutchman appeared and showed her how to make all sorts of _other_ Manican foods, but- oh, sorry, wrong show," Keldeo said with a sheepish smile.

"Well, it turns out Rainbow was listening when Twilight mentioned the cookbook that Lyra burrowed, so the four friends go to Lyra's house to borrow it."

* * *

" _Wow, you have a really nice living room Lyra," Pinkie Pie complimented the unicorn, looking around the abode._

* * *

"Which the author never describes to us. Oops," Keldeo said with a cheeky grin.

* * *

 _Lyra smiled. "Thanks Pinkie. Now, what was it about the book that you wanted to talk about?"_

" _Well, it's like this," Applejack began. "Twi—"_

" _Ever since you got that book out, Twilight's been acting all weird!" Rainbow Dash sharply accused her._

* * *

". . .Maybe Rainbow Dash is the Element of _Brutal_ Honesty," Keldeo suggested awkwardly.

* * *

" _Oh, you mean this book?" Lyra inquired. Her horn glowed with teal light, and the same glow covered a book that had been lying open on the coffee table in front of a couch. Its covers snapped closed, and Lyra moved it over so that it was in front of her. "All Equestrian Cuisine by Bobby Neigh," she said happily._

* * *

Keldeo burst out laughing and fell over onto his back. He lay there, kicking his legs and laughing hysterically for the longest time, until he finally recovered and got back onto his hooves.

"Woo! Well. . . if there was a pony version of Gordon Ramsay in the episode _Spice Up Your Life_ , then I guess we can have a pony version of Bobby Flay too. But, anyway, there's a lot of detail put into describing this book."

* * *

 _There are dozens of recipes in this book from all sorts of ponies across Equestria. There are hors d'oeuvres from famous high society chefs in Canterlot, traditional apple desserts from Appleoosa, grilled grass steaks from Fillydelphia, a bunch of different foods from Manico, Trotréal maple—"_

" _Wait, wait!" Rainbow Dash almost shouted. "Manican food!? That book has Manican food in it?"_

* * *

Munna flew in wearing her Dora the Explorer wig and shouted, "NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!"

The Intoxiquer screeched in rage as he flew right into Munna, tackling her out of sight.

Keldeo was not at all bothered by their antics, and he said, "Munna's right, I thought they already knew the book had Manican food in it. Isn't that why they wanted the book in the first place?"

* * *

 _Applejack sighed. "Ah hate to impose this on yah Lyra, but do you think we might be able to borrow that book for a bit? Ah promise we'll have it back to you before sundown."_

" _Well sure Applejack," Lyra said, levitating the book into Applejack's saddlebag, "but whatever for?"_

" _Well, our friend Twilight's been going a little bit…crazy," Fluttershy said quietly._

" _Crazy's an understatement," Pinkie Pie spoke up. "If this keeps up she's going to go all magic-spewing wacko on us!"_

" _Pinkie Pie's right," said Applejack to the mint-coated unicorn. "And the last time that Twilight went crazy because we didn't take her seriously, she caused all o' y'all to go gaga over her Smarty Pants doll until Princess Celestia herself showed up to put an end to it. We don't need to have thirteen-foot apple fritters running through Ponyville because she lost control to some freaky spell she cast when apple fritters turned out to be the closest thing to a burrito she could get her hooves on."_

* * *

"You know, the funny thing is that this sounds like something Twilight might actually do," Keldeo said as he chuckled and shook her head, "I mean, between making the Parasprites eat the houses and turning Fluttershy into Flutterbat, I think _all_ of Twilight's spells should come with a warning:"

 _ **G-Man:**_ _"Prepare for unforeseen consequences."_

* * *

" _Thirteen-foot apple fritters!?" Pinkie exclaimed. "Ooh! Could we convince her that cupcakes are closer to burritos than apple fritters and then she can make them gimungous instead? I've always dreamed of dancing with and eating a giant dancing cupcake!"_

 _Rainbow Dash began to push the babbling, bubbly, earth pony outside. "Eh, ignore her,"_

* * *

"I don't want to," Keldeo said with a grin, "So, our heroes head over to Sugarcube Corner to make the burritos."

Keldeo paused a moment and thought out loud, "Huh. . . You know, this seems kidna familiar. Where have I seen this setup before?"

 _ **Pinkie Pie (From 'Epic Pie Time'):**_ _"Hay-bacon strips! Hay-bacon strips! Hay-bacon strips!"_

* * *

" _Here we go," Rainbow Dash said. "Page 5-12, Black-eyed Pea Burritos, serves four to six ponies._

* * *

Keldeo's eyes widened, "Six ponies? The Mane Six. . . coincidence? I think NOT!"

The Belluminati symbol flashed on screen again.

* * *

 _Let's see here, six twelve inch tort…tortilla shells. Hey! Are these tortilla shells supposed to be Manican for tortoise shells, because I'm not making these things if I have to do anything bad to Tank."_

* * *

"Okay, that line just makes you smile," Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

" _Oh, no Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy explained. "And it's not tort-ill-ah shell; it's pronounced tort-ee-ah shell._

" _It's a type of unleavened flatbread made from wheat flour or finely crushed corn flour," Pinkie Pie added._

 _Rainbow Dash looked at Pinkie Pie in surprise. "How did you know that, Pinkie?"_

" _Well, duh! Everypony at least knows what tortillas are, Dashie."_

* * *

 _ **Spongebob:**_ _"Everybody loves pie!"_

"You know, it seems like Brony Analysts and Spongebob Squarepants are becoming a running gag in this review," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

" _Here we go," Rainbow Dash continued. "A half-cup of dried and fully cooked black-eyed peas or a drained can of them, a teaspoon of olive oil, a diced red onion, two cloves of minced garlic, a chopped zucchini, a diced red or green pepper, a teaspoon of cumin, quarter teaspoon of cayenne, teaspoon of dried oregano, and two teaspoons of divided sea salt."_

* * *

"Wow, the author actually wrote all that out? Are we gonna actually see them make the burritos? That would be cool," Keldeo said, sounding and looking very invested.

* * *

 _She withdrew from the cookbook and frowned. "I wonder where we're going to get all of that stuff."_

" _What kind of recipe is that?" Applejack asked. "There ain't any alfalfa, oats, daffodils, or even apples in it!"_

* * *

Munna flew back in, without the Dora the Explorer wig, and shouted, "XENOPHOBIC!"

Keldeo stared at all the bruises on Munna's body and said, "Wow. It looks like the Intoxqiuer really got you good."

Munna just smiled deviously and said, "Heh-heh. You should see what _he_ looks like!"

"Yikes. . ." Keldeo remarked as Munna flew away.

* * *

" _It's just a recipe, AJ," Rainbow Dash told her. "We can make a few changes to make it an apple burrito if you really want."_

" _You're darn right I do," Applejack told her definitively._

* * *

"Uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Keldeo said nervously, "I'm pretty sure Twilight is expecting some _authentic traditional_ burritos, not Equestrian-Manican dessert fusion cuisine."

 _The four friends watched as Twilight took a bite out of one of the burritos they made. Twilight swallowed hard, and the suddenly grabbed Applejack with her magic and pulled her in close to her face._

 _"Did you put apples in a burrito?" Twilight asked calmly._

 _"No," Applejack lied nervously._

 _"DID YOU PUT APPLES IN A BURRITO!?" Twilight asked forcefully._

 _"No," Applejack whimpered._

 _"Every time someone ruins a Manican dish, Dante from_ Coco _has to go 24 hours without food!" Twilight shouted in Applejack face._

Keldeo then brightened up and said, "But, ya know what? An apple burrito actually does sound really tasty! Maybe serve it piping hot with vanilla ice cream. . . oooohhh man. . ." Keldeo licked his lips and said, "Yeah, that sounds like something Rhett and Link would do on _Good Mythical Morning. 'Will it Burrito?'_ "

Floyd ran in and pointed at Keldeo, jumping up and down excitedly as he said, "Aha! There! You just referenced Rhett and Link even though you told _me_ not to!"

Wide eyed and embarrassed, Keldeo stammered out, "Bu- bu- but I-I-I forgot! I just- OH! Alright, fine! You win!" Keldeo shook his head and walked off. He quickly returned wearing the oversized sombrero from earlier and said, "Go ahead and sing the Guacamole Song."

The Pichu chuckled as he got ready to play his guitar. "Oh, I'm not gonna sing the Guacamole Song. I've got a much better one in mind!" And without further ado, Floyd began.

" _What's that? Black-eyed peas?_

 _Black-eyed peas make your teeth go-!"_

"NOOOO!" Keldeo shouted in horror.

Floyd laughed a bit and said, "Sorry, sorry. I was just kidding. Here's the _real_ song." Then Floyd began again.

" _B – U – R, R – I – T, O – S_

 _Los burritos!_

 _Tastes great even though it looks like a Cascoon._

 _Los burritos!_

 _._

 _B – U – R, R – I – T, O – S_

 _Los burritos!_

 _Filled with beans and veggies and cheese._

 _Los burritos!_

 _._

 _Grab your six tortillas,_

 _And a can of black-eyed peas, yeah_

 _Plus, some olive oil,_

 _Onion, garlic and oregano_

 _Hey!_

 _Some add in serrano_

 _Some like jalapeno_

 _Don't make it too hot though,_

 _When serving it to gringos!_

 _Hey!_

 _._

 _Grab your six tortillas,_

 _And a can of black-eyed peas, yeah_

 _Plus, some olive oil,_

 _Onion, garlic and oregano_

 _Hey!_

 _Some add in serrano_

 _Some like jalapeno_

 _Don't make it too hot though,_

 _When serving it to gringos!_

 _Hey!_

 _._

 _Make sure that you serve it,_

 _With that magical green dip_

 _Guacamole raises it high_

 _One taste and you will sigh_

 _Hey!_

 _._

 _B-U-R, R-I-T, O-S,_

 _B-U-R, R-I-T, O-S_

 _B-U-R, R-I-T, O-S_

 _B-U, double-R_

 _ITOS!_

 _._

 _B-U-R, R-I-T, O-S,_

 _B-U-R, R-I-T, O-S_

 _B-U-R, R-I-T, O-S_

 _B-U, double-R_

 _ITOS!"_

 _._

Floyd smiled and took a bow before dancing off happily.

Keldeo blinked his eyes and said slowly, "That was. . . pretty _good,_ actually."

"So, anyway, it turns out the Ponyville market has everything they need, _except_ for tortillas and . . . sea salt, apparently." Keldeo made a face at this and said, "Why wouldn't they have sea salt?"

* * *

" _I know I haven't seen those before in Ponyville," Pinkie Pie offered._

 _Rainbow Dash suddenly smacked one hoof onto another as she connected the dots. "Canterlot!" she exclaimed. "Twilight told me that she hasn't had a burrito since she left Canterlot for Ponyville."_

" _Ah get it," Applejack said. "Since Canterlot is such an important place with Princess Celestia being there and all, there's gotta be a lot of different ponies from all over Equestria livin' there."_

" _And that means that there'd be a lot of different foods a pony can have in Canterlot," Fluttershy added._

" _Including burritos and cherrychangas!" said Pinkie Pie. "I don't think I've actually named it yet. Chimicherry or cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga?"_

 _That struck a sudden chord with Applejack. "Now wait just an apple-bucking minute there Pinkie. Ain't your cherrychangas Manican food?"_

 _Pinkie gasped. "You know what, I think they are! Thanks Applejack. I never would have guessed that."_

* * *

Keldeo's right eye twitched as he held a forced smile on his face. "I've got to hand it to the author. . . Pinkie Pie is just as frustrating here as she is in the show. . ."

Keldeo took a deep breath and relaxed. "Well, it's way better than _My Little Pony Ice Age,_ that's for sure!"

 _ **Meanwhile, inside Kyurem's ice castle. . .**_

"NOT _AGAIN!_ " Kyurem roared as he stood over the unconscious Cryogonal who had just knocked himself out by flying into a wall at top speed.

 _ **Back in the Moor of Icirrus. . .**_

"So, Pinkie reveals that she orders tortillas from Canterlot and has them delivered to Sugarcube Corner, but, of course, she's all out, so Rainbow Dash offers to fly to Canterlot and get them."

* * *

" _Good," Applejack said. "There's a train leavin' in ten minutes."_

" _There's no time to catch the train!" Rainbow Dash argued. "It'll be faster if I just fly there! I can get to Canterlot and back in ten seconds flat!" She flew out of the confectionary shop, or would have if her prismatic tail was not caught in somepony's teeth._

" _Hold on there, Rainbow," Applejack said through clenched teeth. "You mean to tell us that you're going to get to Canterlot, find the store, find the tortillas and sea salt, pay for 'em, and get back here all in ten little seconds?"_

 _Rainbow Dash stopped and considered. "Hm… You're right, that is a lot. Okay! To Canterlot and back in five minutes flat!" She took off again, this time her tail evading Applejack's snatching teeth._

* * *

"I like seeing how Rainbow Dash and Applejack play off of each other," Keldeo remarked, "Meanwhile, Twilight is almost at her wits' end-."

* * *

 _The hairs on Mayor Mare's tan coat stood on end as the doors to Town Hall blew open with a furious BANG! In the doorway stood a pony, relatively new to the town, that the Mayor had gotten to know quite a bit about from several personal meetings with her, and royal missives from Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Twilight Sparkle didn't even rush into the building. Her horn glowed brightly with magenta light before the pony vanished in a flash of light. Before Mayor Mare could even blink the unicorn had reappeared almost a foot away from her in a second flash of light from the teleport spell. "Miss Mayor!" Twilight demanded. "Tell me that you of all ponies in this town know what a burrito is!"_

* * *

Keldeo stood up straight in fear and said with a shocked expression, "Uh-oh, I think she's already at her wit' end! Take cover!"

* * *

 _The mayor looked behind her anxiously as Twilight snorted obnoxiously in the mare's face. The lavender unicorn had been at this for far too long. Her stomach was completely devoid of any remnants of her breakfast and was keeping up a consistent rate of growling every minute and sixteen seconds for a duration of precisely eight seconds, with a standard deviation of point four-six seconds._

* * *

"And yes, Twilight _would_ probably calculate that in her head during her hunger filled quest of desperation," Keldeo said seriously, "Also, let me just say that _a lot_ of stories like to play up or exaggerate Twilight's flaws based on how she acted during _Lesson Zero,_ it's almost like people _enjoy_ seeing Twilight go insane. Anyway, what I really like about this fanfic is that it doesn't go overboard, and doesn't pain Twilight as a deranged lunatic. You see, while Twilight _is_ upset, she hasn't done anything bad or broken anything or hurt anypony. Plus, she's not losing her grip for the sake of being crazy, _she's starving._ She skipped lunch, remember, and she's been using energy running all over town and teleporting. Of course she's not gonna be thinking clearly, and yet she's still managed to control herself for all this time!"

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "I'm actually kinda impressed. If I were in her place, I'd be sending Focus Blast attacks all over the place by now! Seriously, I need food!"

* * *

 _If she didn't get a burrito soon, she was going to—_

" _TWILIGHT! STOP!"_

* * *

Floyd leaned in and played his guitar sadly as he sang.

" _I wanna go home. . ._

 _Take off this uniform and-."_

"No," Keldeo said flatly.

"Okay," Floyd said quickly and he left.

* * *

 _The unicorn whipped around at Rainbow Dash's voice. In Town Hall's open doorway stood the cyan pegasus, as well as Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash was forcing away a pained wince while her wings looked a little more ruffled than usual._

* * *

Victini flew in and spun around enthusiastically. Then he said, "And title of Best Pony, _off the day,_ goes to Rainbow Dash!"

Victini clapped loudly, and Keldeo grinned and clapped his forehooves as well.

* * *

" _You gotta stop this Twi," Applejack said as she came into Town Hall. "It's not healthy for ya."_

* * *

 _"Do-do, do-do-do!"_ sung Floyd's voice from offscreen.

"Stop it, Floyd, or I'll make _you_ leave through the cat flap!" Keldeo called out.

"Okay, I'll just sing it in my head!" Floyd replied.

* * *

" _But it's taken me over a year to realize that there's no place in Ponyville where a pony can get a decent burrito! I had no idea that our food options were so limited here until today because we've all been so busy."_

 _Pinkie Pie giggled. "Not anymore Twilight," she said. "We found somepony who can make burritos!"_

 _All of Twilight Sparkle's hostility melted away to be replaced by a face beaming with hope. "You have?" Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash all stepped away from Fluttershy to show the light-yellow pegasus in all her pink-maned glory…_

 _...holding up a platter of six burritos in her right forehoof._

* * *

 _ **Mayor Mare:**_ _"Oh, thank FAUST!"_

Keldeo sighed in relief, "Whew! Finally! Now, it would be easy to just end it her and have Twilight eat the burritos, but the author goes the extra effort to keep Twilight likeable by having her still show concern for her friends."

* * *

 _She sniffed the plate, and inhaled deeply the smell rising from the wraps. They were warm and fresh, and she could even smell a bit of cheese in them too. Twilight looked around at her friends again, and gasped. "Rainbow Dash! What happened to your wing?"_

" _Oh, it's really nothing Twilight," the pegasus said modestly. "Just a little sprain is all. I flew a little recklessly on my way back from Canterlot and crashed into the Cake's kitchen. Luckily Pinkie was there to open the window for me."_

" _You flew to Canterlot and back today?" Twilight asked Dash, stunned. "How long did it take you?"_

 _Applejack laughed. "Five minutes on the button, just as she said," the mare answered, "and that included time shopping for tortilla shells and salt."_

" _And don't forget the cheese I also grabbed," Rainbow Dash reminded her proudly. "I figured that it'd work well in these things, and it sure smells like it does."_

* * *

"Speaking of cheese, I'd say the secret ingredient here was _friendship_!" Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

 _Twilight just stared at them until her stomach growled again. She blushed and looked down at it while her friends and the mayor simply laughed. "Well Twilight Sparkle," Mayor Mare began, "I believe you were asking me where a pony might find a decent burrito in Ponyville."_

* * *

 _ **Mayor Mare:**_ _"Seriously, THANK FAUST!"_

* * *

 _Twilight's blush deepened and she looked at the platter in Fluttershy's hoof. "Go on Twilight," urged the pegasus, "try one of them. I'm sure you'll like them, thanks to Pinkie's experience in cooking Manican cuisine." Twilight's horn became encased in magenta light, as did one of the burritos on the plate. She brought it to her mouth in her spell's grasp, and bit down into the burrito. The unicorn practically melted and her stomach rumbled loudly for more. It was beyond decent._

 _It was delicious._

 _Twilight swallowed hard and looked at her friends with as much gratitude as she could muster. "Thank you everypony. It tastes wonderful; I can't remember having a better tasting burrito in any of the Manican restaurants in Canterlot."_

 _Applejack beamed. "Well we're all mighty glad you enjoy it Twilight. Eat as much as you—"_

 _The stomachs of the four hungry ponies that had skipped lunch making lunch growled sharply. Twilight was the first to break out laughing._

* * *

"And that was _For Love of Manican Food,_ and I swear that this would make a great episode of the show!" Keldeo declared with a gleeful smile, "Seriously, just add in a couple of more hijinks of Twilight trying to find a burrito, maybe have funny scenes of her friends trying to work together to make the burritos properly. Like, Applejack could keep trying to force apples into it, or Pinkie could get distracted and make chimmi-cherry-changas by mistake. There are a lot of ways this story could be expanded into a script for a 22 minute episode. The moral could be something like: _'When you and your friends want to achieve a common goal, don't try to go your own way or try to influence others to try your own idea. Work together to get the job done first, then you can all try your new ideas later.'_ Hay, even the story as it is already has a kind of moral for Twilight: _'When you really need something, true friends will always do their best to come through for you. All you need to do is ask.'_ I mean, Twilight never directly asked her friends to help her get a burrito. She told Rainbow Dash, sure, but she pretty much went on her own way after that. But Rainbow got the message and gathered the others to help Twilight out, and Twilight appreciated what they did for her."

"And more importantly, this fanfic never became bitter or critical of Twilight. Her friends knew how worked up Twilight could get, and did everything they could to keep her out of trouble in the nicest way possible. This is the kind of strong friendship the show is all about. Wow, what a great fanfic! It's so nice to review something _good_!"

Keldeo gave a nod, the sombrero on his head bobbing up and down slightly as he did so, and said with a smile, "Well then, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and-."

Keldeo froze when his stomach gave a loud growl. He smiled and blushed a bit, then he said, ". . . I'm kinda hungry. I'm gonna go see if I can find a Darumaka Lunchbox. Oh! And Happy Cinco de Mayo!"

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _The Guacamole Song_ by Rhett and Link

 _Pokemon Ranger: Guardian Signs_

 _McDonalds_

 _Taco Bell_

 _MLP-Silver-Quill_

 _Tommy Oliver (Brony Curious)_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Woody Woodpecker_

 _SpongeBob Squarepants-_ Your Shoe's Untied

 _Epic Pie Time_ by Alligator Tub Productions

 _The Angry Bug Show_ by DragonNiro

 _Nostalgia Critic: Smurfs_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - S6E12 - Spice Up Your Life_

 _Coco_ by Pixar

 _Will it Burrito? Taste Test_ by Good Mythical Morning

 _Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 5: The Healthy Song_

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Adventures of Pluto Nash_

 _Kyurem the Critic_ by Mr. Grool

 _Stop_ by Pink Floyd

 _Kyurem vs The Sword of Justice_


	25. E7: Mothers' Day FanFics

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 7: Mothers' Day FanFics**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo greeted cheerfully, "Mothers' Day is coming up this Sunday, so I thought I'd acknowledge this sweet and thoughtful time by recommending three FanFics on the subject of mothers!"

"The first one is _Was I Abandoned?_ by TrebleBass on FimFictionNet."

* * *

 _ **Was I Abandoned?**_

 _by TrebleBass_

 _First published 3rd of June, 2012_

 _Apparently abandoned by his mother, Horizon sits alone in front of the school, waiting for her to finally show up._

* * *

"This is just a funny little comedy that is intentionally deceptive in order to be funny, which it certainly succeeds at. And rather than making it a simple and straightforward one-shot heartwarming comedy, the author actually develops the characters, especially Horizon. This kid is extremely likeable as so much like an actual child, which is a vital part to why the story play out the way it does. The plot progresses smoothly through Horizon's thoughts, and it all leads up to a very funny punchline. But it also celebrates motherhood very nicely as well when you appreciate the context of why Horizon is waiting to begin with."

"The next one is _The Garden_ by MsDevin92."

* * *

 _ **The Garden**_

 _ **By: MsDevin92**_

 _One day, it's eerily quiet in Bowser's castle...With his father missing and his siblings acting strangely, Bowser Jr. won't rest until he uncovers the secret! Oneshot. Repost._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Bowser Jr., Koopalings - Words: 3,238 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Published: Feb 24, 2007 - Status: Complete - id: 3411184_

* * *

Keldeo had a big smile on his face as he said, "This story is awesome! I just love anything where Bowser interreacts with Bowser Jr. and his other seven adopted kids. It's also really cool how Bowser can be both an evil conqueror as well as a legitimately good and caring father, as shown in his Bowser Jr. related scenes at the end of _Super Mario Sunshine, Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games, Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam,_ and of course that perfect _Nintendo Switch Parental Controls_ video."

Keldeo waved his right forehoof and said, "But enough about the father, these are Mother's Day recommendations, so _The Garden_ must involve Bowser Jr.'s mother. Now, that might be a small spoiler, but I'm pretty sure that after reading the first few sentences you can kinda figure out the direction this story is taking. Anyway, every single character is in character, Bowser included, and they interact with each other in a very believable way for a family as crazy as theirs. Very rough, but deep down they care for each other. It has a logical ending, and it really shows that MsDevin92 did her research. This story has plenty of hills and valleys in terms of emotion and action and pacing, and I'm sure it will be very touching to everyone, and perhaps even relatable to others. . ."

Keldeo seemed to drift off for a bit at the point, but then he shook his head and said, "Oh, uh, sorry about that. Kinda went into some thoughts. . . uh, okay, the third one is _Mothers_ by KnightMysterio."

* * *

 _ **Mothers**_

 _ **By: KnightMysterio**_

 _Mother's Day is approaching. Scootaloo asks Rainbow Dash a shocking question, one that causes her to question herself, and start to think about how she's lived her life until now..._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Family/Friendship - Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo - Words: 8,876 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 37 - Published: Jan 16, 2012 - Status: Complete - id: 7748729_

* * *

"Yeah, it's a _'Rainbow Dash adopts Scootaloo'_ fanfic, I know, but this one is different!" Keldeo exclaimed excitedly, "This story is absolutely _filled_ with the very _essence_ of Mothers' Day! It's not just, _Scootaloo is a sad orphan and Rainbow Dash dashes in and adopts her._ No, no, no; there's this long build-up to it that really goes into the fine details of everything. We also get to see different kinds of mothers, which makes sense as this whole story is given the back-drop of a big Mothers' Day Celebration happening in Ponyvile. This lets us get to see new characters. Plus, we get to see KnightMysterio's version of Fluttershy's mom!"

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Heh-heh. Let's just say his prediction was _kinda_ off."

Keldeo nodded and continued, "Speaking of predictions being off, the topic of Rainbow Dash's mother comes up and plays a role in this story. It's certainly far from canon, to say the least, but it adds a ton of depth to Rainbow's character and the situation as a whole. The rest of the Mane Six plays an awesome role in this, and the whole is set up like an actual episode of the show! That's always a bonus!"

"All in all, _Mothers_ by KnightMysterio honestly and truly captures the essence of Mothers' Day and motherhood in general, and showcases it to you through characters we've all grown to love! This is one deep, complex, and well fleshed out story that will be a joy to read any time of the years."

Keldeo smiled and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _FimFictionNet_

 _Super Mario Wiki_


	26. Turnabout Legend- Part 1

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

"V-WHEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd shouted.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Eight:** _ **Turnabout Legend**_

 _ **In the Courtroom of the Hall of Legends. . .**_

"The knowledge of the garden's machine was not known by the defense nor the prosecution until a few minutes ago!" Keldeo declared, showing what he knows in an effective manner. "Ergo, this is a revelation that needs to be explored! How did the killer find out about the control console for the machine? How did the killer know about the machine? Did they know how to operate the machine? Since Celebi is the one that uses it the most, she's the one that can only answer these questions!"

Keldeo slammed down on the table. "Until these questions are answered, there's no justifying an early verdict!"

Arceus nodded, agreeing with Keldeo. "Indeed. That would be rushing ahead of time. An early verdict could be the wrong verdict after all." Arceus stated seriously. She then looked over to Celebi. "Witness, can you give us a testimony on how the machine in the Hall of Origin's garden works, and how Darkrai could have accessed it, if he was the killer?"

Celebi nodded, nervously, saying nothing while she looked around the courtroom in paranoia. Genesect had finally gotten up from falling on the floor, having listened to the whole thing on the floor. "This is getting exciting! I hope I get to help!"

"Keldeo!" Athena exclaimed to the said former Sword of Justice. "You really saved us there! If it weren't for you, we would have…"

"It's nothing, honestly!" Keldeo went sheepishly. "I just can't let this trial end too soon! There's something amiss here, I can sense it! And I'm not going to let it end just yet!"

Mesprit re-appeared, looking like she's filled with determination. "We need to strike back on what Celebi says next!"

Athena nodded, turning her gaze over to the said temporal travelling Legendary. " _Whatever comes next, I'll be here to fight back the contradictions!"_

Suddenly, a huge portal opened up within the courtroom, much to the surprise of everyone present. Out of the portal fell a Shiny pink Celebi, a Grovyle, a Dusknoir, a Victini, a Munna, a Zorua, a Pichu with a red guitar strapped to his back, and a second Keldeo.

The entire room full of Legendary Pokemon and Phoenix Wright characters went wild as they began to make exclamation and ask questions frantically. The second Keldeo put an end to this by pointing with his right forehoof and shouting:

 _" **HOLD IT!"**_

Actually, the rest of the newcomers shouted along with the second Keldeo, creating a shout loud enough to silence the entire room.

The second Keldeo nodded and, standing in the middle of the group of new arrivals, said with a smile, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to. Now, the reason why me and my friends are all here is that this Celebi right here. . ." Keldeo pointed to the Shiny pink Celebi with his right forehoof, ". . . who also happens to be from another universe entirely, was able to see into this universe you're all in. She saw that you all happened to be caught in a mystery that none of you have been able to solve yet. It was so hard to solve in fact, that the fanfic that this universe takes place in got _**canceled**_ , which has some _serious_ consequences for the fate of this world."

Keldeo the Critic smiled cockily and said, "Luckily, I've solved potentially world-ending problems for her and her two friends before. . ." Keldeo pointed to Grovyle and Dusknoir with his right forehoof, ". . . so I was the first one she came to. And she was right to do so, because as a true fan of _Scooby-Doo Where Are You?, A Pup Named Scooby-Doo,_ and _What's New Scooby-Doo,_ ya know, back when Scooby-Doo was actually _**good**_ , with nice animation and character design, I am the most qualified for solving the mystery of who really murdered this universe's version of Ash and Cresselia."

" _Ahem!_ " Victini said loudly as Munna smirked at Keldeo the Critic while Zorua snickered and Floyd the Pichu started to tune his guitar.

"Oh yes, of course I have the help of my reviewing gang!" Keldeo the Critic added excitedly, "With Munna as our Daphne, Victini as our Fred, _me_ as our Velma, Floyd as our Shaggy, and Zorua as our Scooby, this mystery should be solved before you know it!"

 _" **OBJECTION!"**_ Reshiram shouted, "Why should we let some Pokemon from another world interfere in this case?!"

"Pokemon don't travel between universes for no reason," Arceus said seriously, "The fact that they are here is reason enough to listen to them."

Simon frowned and said, "But obviously this Keldeo the Critic will side with this universe's Keldeo, and thus try to defend Darkrai."

Keldeo the Critic's eyes narrowed and he said in a flat, severe tone, "Anyone who says that Darkrai is the murderer is either a dishonorable liar or a simple-minded idiot with the mentality of a Sludge Bomb."

Simon changed to his position of acting like he's been slashed with a sword. _"…GRAGH!"_ he shouted.

"This is why I don't like the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney games," Keldeo the Critic continued in his serious tone.

"HEY!" Genesect called out.

Ignoring Genesect, Keldeo the Critic went on, "The accused are always innocent in the Phoenix Wright games. That's the whole point of you playing as a defense attorney. So, Edgeworth and the rest of the prosecutors in these games are either shameless liars or morons."

Keldeo the Critic then looked over at Lugia and Reshiram in shame and said sadly, "You two should really know better."

Lugia just stared at Keldeo in silence, while Reshiram looked about ready to explode.

Keldeo the Critic, who will now be referred to as just Keldeo, then smiled and said, "So! If Arceus would give us permission to start. . ."

Keldeo looked over at Arceus, who nodded and said, "Very well, Keldeo the Critic."

Keldeo then turned to look at _Turnabout Legends_ Keldeo, Athena, and Mespirit and said, "Get ready to see how a mystery is really solved."

Turnabout Legends Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay. As long as we can finally figure out the truth."

Keldeo nodded and turned to his friends, "It's time to solve this mystery!"

Floyd jumped up and began playing his guitar and singing.

" _What's new, Keldeo?  
We're coming quickly, YO!  
You're gonna solve that mystery.  
I see you, Keldeo;  
The trail leads here, ya know.  
What's new-."_

"IT WAS ME!"

Everyone turned to look at who spoke and gasped.

" _Kyurem?!_ " Keldeo said in shock.

Kyurem nodded and said, "Yes. . . I did it. . . I killed Ash and Cresselia. . . I framed Darkrai. . . I'm guilty. . . I did it."

"Hey! Spoilers!" Zorua shouted angrily.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Victini shouted, "YOU JUST SPOILED THE MYSTERY!"

Kyurem shrugged and said, "Well, that's what AuraWielder did."

"Huh?" Keldeo asked.

Kyurem nodded and said, "Yeah. Check out what he wrote in the chapter announcing this fanfic's cancellation."

* * *

 _Hey, guys. I suppose it's finally time to come out with it... this is a dead fic. What started as an interesting idea just got dragged out way too long, and ultimately, I think this has to come out to stop any more questions. Turns out that me and my collaborator discovered that writing an Ace Attorney case is FAR harder than we first assumed._

 _However, to not TOTALLY disappoint you, I will disclose who the villain was. The villain was intended to be Kyurem, envious of both his more 'complete' counterparts (Reshiram and Zekrom) as well as viewing humans with mostly indifference... but didn't think Ash was really deserving of 'praise' so to speak. Having not really met Ash in his movie (the Keldeo movie), he viewed Ash with disdain for stopping his initial match with Keldeo. Cresselia's murder was because she was a witness in the crime scene, he had nothing against Cresselia._

 _I know it's not really anything exciting or fabulous, but nothing ever could be. It was far out of both of our leagues, but hopefully this at least gives you all some closure on the story, even if it isn't satisfying._

* * *

"But. . . but. . . but. . . but. . ." Keldeo stammered out, looking utterly devastated by this.

The Shiny pink Celebi sighed and turned to her two disappointed teammates. "Oh well. So much for the mystery. Let's head back to the restaurant," she said as she effortlessly opened another portal.

"Wait! Wait!" Keldeo shouted out desperately.

"Don't worry, we'll leave it open for you so you guys can go home," Celebi said busily as Grovyle and Dusknoir entered the portal. She then flew in behind them.

"Wait! Come back! We can still have a mystery!" Keldeo called out in desperation.

Munna appeared pretty downcast as she said, "I don't know, Keldeo. The mystery looks pretty dead to me."

 _ **"OBJECTION!"**_

Everyone turned and gasped when they saw Heatran stomping into the Courtroom.

"That's right! I SAID IT!" Heatran declared loudly as he walked to the front of the Courtroom, "I, Heatran, the Legendary who was _**rudely**_ _not invited_ to this party, have been secretly analyzing all of the facts of this mystery from the sidelines. And I can say that all of the clues _do not_ point to Kyurem."

"But. . . I just confessed. . ." Kyurem said awkwardly.

Heatran ignored Kyurem and said, "The clues point to one Pokemon, and one Pokemon only! _Cobalion!_ "

"Seriously!?" Keldeo exclaimed in shock, "I mean, sure, this universe's Cobalion is a jerk, but a _murderer?_ "

"Why not! He's a heartless scumbag!" Heatran shot back, which caused nearly everyone in the Courtroom to gasp in shock. Heatran went on to say, "Cobalion is an egotistical, egomaniacal freak with a god-complex who would gladly kill anyone he doesn't approve of. The clues all point to that! I don't know why Kyurem is taking the blame for all this, but it doesn't matter." Heatran then growled as his eyes seemed to burn with rage, and he said, "All that matters is that Cobalion is finally going to melt in Hell, where he belongs! It's time he learned that evil has its own reward: a long, slow death!"

" _ **OBJECTION!"**_

Everyone turned and gasped again when they saw a Pikachu wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat walk into the Courtroom.

"Detective Pikachu!?" Keldeo exclaimed.

"Right," said the deep, gravelly voice Pikachu with a frown, "And I must say, Heatran is a quite a lousy detective."

"Watch it, mouse!" Heatran shouted.

"First of all," Detective Pikachu said, completely ignoring Heatran, "The reasons given by AuraWielder do not at all sound like big enough motivation for Kyurem to commit murder and go the extra mile of framing someone else. Sure, he might not like Ash, and he might be angry at him for interfering in his business with Keldeo and the Swords of Justice, but that's hardly enough reason to want to kill him, _especially_ if _Arceus_ likes him. And even if he did want to kill him, these reasons aren't motivating enough to commit something like murder. Not only that, the reasons given don't sound at all like they could generate enough hate for Kyurem to come up with this complex plan and go through with, risking getting caught and ruining so many lives in the process."

"But I confessed!" Kyurem exclaimed.

"Furthermore," Detective Pikachu continued, completely ignoring Kyurem as well, "The very idea of it being Cobalion is laughable at best. While I do agree that Cobalion was a deplorable _punk_ in this mystery, being a horrible Pokemon doesn't make him a murderer. _Now_ , through careful analysis of the evidence, combined with meticulous research, _clearly_ the only one who had the motive and the means to carry out this plot is Dr. Yung from _The Mastermind of Mirage Pokemon_!"

"WHAT!?" Heatran exclaimed.

"Hmmm. . ." Keldeo said quietly as he thought it over. Then he smiled and said, "Ya know, I think we've got the makings of something good here! Yeah! Okay! On this episode of _Keldeo the Critic,_ we go through the story and see if the evidence really does point to Kyurem like _AuraWielder_ claims, and if it doesn't, we can see if it points to either the horrible facsimile of the Cobalion I have so much respect for _or_ the evil Mirage Master Dr. Yung."

Heatran growled, but nodded and said, "Okay. Fine. We'll see."

Detective Pikachu nodded and said, "Yes. We will."

Arceus then said, "Very well! If Heatran and Detective Pikachu would take their positions on the prosecution and defense side respectively, and Keldeo the Critic and his friends would stand in the middle, we shall begin the Cross Examination of this story."

The Pokemon moved to their appropriate areas, then Keldeo smiled and began.

"Okay, so first, a little background on this story," he said.

* * *

 _ **Turnabout Legend**_

 _ **By: DragonNiro**_

 _It was a party that was supposed to be perfect. Ash Ketchum had been invited to the Hall of Origin to celebrate everything he had done for the Legendaries. Instead, he is found dead. Darkrai is quickly accused of the crime, with no fair trial. Seeing Genesect play his video game, Arceus gets an idea... to summon the Ace Attorney characters. Collaboration between me and AuraWielder._

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Crime/Mystery - Darkrai, Apollo J., Athena C., Phoenix W./Nick - Chapters: 9 - Words: 91,278 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 64 - Updated: Nov 15, 2016 - Published: Mar 29, 2014 - id: 10227172_

* * *

"As you can see, this fanfic was actually a collaboration between DragonNiro and AuraWielder," Keldeo said, then he frowned in disappointment and said, "Huh. You'd think that with the two of them working together they could have figured out how to progress this story and see it through to the end. And everything was going so strongly to, it just seems weird that they just decided to pull the plug right when things were getting interest-."

"Keldeo. . ." Victini said as he gently poked him in his side.

Keldeo blinked and snapped out of his thoughts. "Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Ahem, so yeah, this is basically a Phoenix Wright crossover similar to the My Little Pony crossover _Turnabout Storm_ created by NeoArtimus on the YouTube channel _PWaaMLPfim._ There's even a reference to it in the story."

* * *

 _Phoenix rolled his eyes, disbelieving in what is happening. He's heard that Pokémon don't talk human speech, but obviously, this wasn't the case. This seemed worse than the time he was taken to a land filled with talking horses to defend one!_

 _"Sheesh...! First a world of talking ponies and now a world of talking Pocket Monsters! What's next? Giant mutant turtles?!" he thought, sarcastically._

* * *

"Okay, I would love to see a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one! And it has to have Usagi Yojimbo in it!" Keldeo said with an excited grin, but then he cleared his throat and continued, "Anyway, _Turnabout Legend_ actually does something a little different than _Turnabout Storm._ Instead of just bringing Phoenix Wright into the Pokemon world, a whole ton of Ace Attorney characters a brought in, both on the defense side and prosecution side. This allows lots more aspects of the Ace Attorney series to be incorporated into the story. Like Athena's Mood Matrix."

Keldeo frown depended and he said, "Man! This story had so much potential, why was it canceled?"

Keldeo looked up and went on, "Now, this review is going to be a little different. Instead of reviewing the story like normal, we're just going to focus on the parts where we can find clues. Eyewitness accounts, the way certain characters act, testimonies, all evidence, stuff like that. So, if everyone is ready, let's begin the investigation of _Turnabout Legend._ "

"We start off in a Prologue, and we get to see some of the killer's thoughts, which is bound to have some clues in it," Keldeo said.

* * *

 **FIVE!**

 _The dark days of the Legends has gone... Finally gone!_

 _I have gotten ridden of this... pest! This puny mortal that the Legends are obsessed with..._

 **FOUR!**

 _That being... disgusts me! What's so special about this mortal? What has he done to make all the Legends swoon over it, like he's the greatest human on earth!_

 _All of the Legends are blinded on what they see! This human will end us all!_

 _He doesn't deserve such treatment! He's a pest, a thorn in our side of order!_

* * *

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_ Heatran shouted, "This proves it couldn't have been Dr. Yung, because the killer identifies as a Legendary!"

 _ **"OBJECTION!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted back, "What are you talking about!? The killers never states that he's a Legendary Pokemon!"

Heatran smirked and shouted, " _ **TAKE THAT!**_ The killer, while thinking about Ash and his connection with the Legendaries, states that Ash will 'end us all' and is a 'thorn in our side'. The use of 'us' and 'our' indicates that the killer identifies as a part of the group of Legendaries that are giving too much respect to Ash. Not only that, why would Dr. Yung, a mortal human, refer to Ash as 'this puny mortal' and 'this human' when he too is a mortal human. Only a Pokemon would do this!"

"Not necessarily," Detective Pikachu replied calmly, "While your take on this is _possible_ , it is also equally possible that Dr. Yung is using terms like 'us' or 'our' to refer to himself and his Mirage Pokemon, and Dr. Yung's way of disdainfully referring to Ash as a mortal human could be due to a god-complex Dr. Yung has developed. He could easily see himself a god-like due to his ability to create any Pokemon in an instant with his Mirage technology, and he might have somehow enhanced himself with said technology, making him more than a mere human. Therefore, these thoughts are all completely compatible with Dr. Yung."

"And to me!" Kyurem chimed in.

"ACK-ACK!" Heatran coughed in shock as smoke came out of his mouth.

* * *

 _Loads of party poppers are pulled, as the Legends celebrate in the Hall of Origin._

 _As you can guess, the Legendaries are throwing a party, celebrating whatever._

 _But it's not a birthday party, nor Christmas (though close to it,) and it's not New Years._

 _So, what is it?_

 _Well, they are celebrating for Ash Ketchum, the Chosen One for all what he's did for the Legends._

 _Stopped Mew and Mewtwo from fighting is one of the first things that he's done._

 _Help Lugia save the world, stopped a imposter Entei, saved Celebi's life, helped Latias and Latios save a town from a tsunami (though the latter Legend DID sacrifice his life), helped Jirachi from the imposter Groudon, help Deoxys find her brother and battle against Rayquaza, save Mew's life on the second encounter, helped Manaphy to return to the sea, stopped Palkia and Dialga fighting with the help of Darkrai, stopped Giratina and Dialga fighting with the help of Shaymin, stopped and calmed Arceus from wiping out the ENTIRE human race from existence, stopped the Dragon Force going out of control with Zekrom, Reshiram and Victini, helped Keldeo reach Resolution, stopped Landorus, Thunderus, Tornadus and Zekrom going out of control and controlled by evil humans, became friends with Meloetta, stopped Reshiram being controlled by Team Plasma, stopped a second Mewtwo and a Red Genesect and helped them become friends, and finally, helped Diancie reach the Holy Diamond, and prevented the destruction of Kalos from Yveltal's wrath, with the help of Xerneas._

 _In a nutshell, he's helped the Legends with a lot of their problems._

* * *

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_ Keldeo shouted, and he turned to Kyurem and asked, "So. . . _NONE_ of this ever came up whenever you socialized with the other Legendaries?!"

Kyurem blinked, and he said slowly, "I don't really. . . socialize all that much."

 _ **"TAKE THAT!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted, "Kyurem being antisocial and always keeping to himself could easily explain why he never heard of Ash Ketchum's valiant deeds."

"Ditto," Heatran added in, sounding a bit grumpy at being beaten to the punch.

"RACIST AGAINST DITTOS!" Munna shouted.

Keldeo rolled his eyes and said, "Okay, okay. Fine. So, after some nice descriptions of all the party guests, human and Pokemon, everyone notices that Cresselia is missing. Plus, they lose track of Ash and Darkrai too. Then Celebi goes to the garden to water her flowers, where she witnesses this:"

* * *

 _Cresselia is lying on the floor… dead._

 _Her head twisted towards Celebi, eyes glassed over, lifeless. A small puddle of blood has formed around her mouth, slowly seeping. Her neck looks like it's been snapped._

 _Celebi covered her mouth, speechless, her skin slowly paling at this, and something else. A few meters away from Cresselia's body, lays the mutilated body of Ash Ketchum._

 _His body is facing upwards, his expression one of shock. His eyes, also too, are glassed over. Ash has been dead for a while now._

 _On his body, three large claw marks are seen. One going deep down into his chest, while the over two have almost cut off his arms, all in a large pool of blood._

 _It looks like the one in the middle had killed him._

 _Maybe instantly?_

 _Celebi never had a chance to find out this, because one last thing made her completely terrified and shocked._

 _Darkrai is standing above the two bodies, splattered with blood all over his body, eyes empty. His hair is nearly completely soaked with blood, hands covered in red dots, his red jagged thing almost blending in with the blood._

 _Celebi gasps, causing Darkrai to turn._

 _His eyes stare deep into Celebi's soul, with murderous intent, as if he was saying 'You're going to die'._

 _Celebi backed away a bit._

 _Darkrai turns his head slightly, smirking a bit._

 _"If..." he starts, ominously, scaring Celebi beyond hell itself. "...You ever tell ANYONE this, I will..."_

 _Darkrai suddenly zooms, and grabs Celebi by the neck, almost throttling her. "...take you down myself!"_

 _Darkrai lets go, leaving a Celebi so terrified with her gasping for breath._

 _He smirks, and throws down what it looks like to be a piece of his hair at the crime scene. He sinks into the shadows, and disappears._

* * *

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_ Keldeo shouted, and then he, Munna, Victini, Zorua, and Floyd all gave Celebi withering stares.

Celebi simply stared back blankly.

"Well?" Keldeo said simply.

Celebi blinked, and then shuddered a bit, and said, "Well, that was really scary, seeing the both of them dead like that. . ."

"Celebi. . ." Floyd said simply.

". . .and Dakrai was right there, with giving me that evil stare. . ."

"Celebi. . ." Zorua said with a frown.

". . .and then he had that evil smirk and evil voice. . ."

"Celebi. . ." Victini moaned in desperation.

". . .and I thought he was gonna strangle me to death. . ."

"Celebi. . ." Munna said with great frustration and annoyance.

". . .and then he gave that horrible death threat-."

"CELEBI!" Keldeo suddenly barked out.

Celebi slammed her forehead down on the desk and shouted, "IT WAS SO OBVIOUSLY A FAKE TRYING TO FRAME THE REAL ONE! WHAT AM I, A _MORON_!?"

The entire courtroom became loud.

"ORDER! ORDER!" Arceus shouted.

Eventually, the courtroom calmed down, allowing Keldeo to explain, "It makes no sense that the murderer would kill someone, and then kill a witness, and then _not_ kill a second witness. Not only that, what murderer would hang around a crime scene long enough to get walked in on _twice_?! Plus, the fact that he _deliberately_ dropped his hair at the crime scene just screams _'this is a frame up.'_ "

"So, yeah, _of course_ Celebi tells everyone what she saw, and then the real Darkrai comes out of the shower, which I guess is supposed to suggest that he went to clean the blood off of himself. Anyway, luckily for Darkrai, Arceus is able to reign everyone in enough to give him a fair trial, but since most of them are biased, Genesect gives them the idea to summon the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney characters out of his game so they can investigate the murder to do everything fairly."

"So, then Coballion goes over to the Defensive side to. . . insult them. . . huh?" Keldeo said, looking utterly bewildered.

* * *

 _"Anyway," continued Cobalion, smirking slightly to himself. "When I heard that Darkrai's attorneys and prosecutors had arrived from Genesect, I decided upon myself to have a visit to see what they look like and how they act."_

 _Cobalion chuckled to himself, haughtily. "Well, even though Arceus has decided for a fair trial, Darkrai's still going to be guilty. A spiky hair-lawyer that wears a blue suit who could be mistaken for Sonic the Hedgehog..."_

 _Phoenix said nothing, an annoyed tick on the side of his head._

 _"...a horned boy in red that might as well be a devil..."_

 _Apollo pinches the area between his eyes in frustration, trying not to get angry._

 _"...and a temperamental banana girl who can't even speak English right."_

 _"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TEMPERAMENTAL BANANA GIRL, USTED GROSERO CABRA?!"_

* * *

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_ Heatran shouted excitedly, "There! See how evil Cobalion is!"

 _ **"OBJECTION!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted in annoyance, "Being rude doesn't make you a murderer. You don't know what you're doing, do you Heatran?"

"Objection sustained," Arceus said, "A bad attitude hardly counts as solid evidence for a murder, Heatran."

"ACK-ACK!" Heatran coughed in shock as smoke came out of his mouth.

"But Cobalion _is_ racist against people who speak Spanish!" Munna chimed in.

"I gotta get her a new running gag," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _"Cobalion." Athena states, taking the Pokémon by surprise. "Every time I heard you say 'Darkrai', I could hear anger coming from your heart. This anger coming from every time you say his name. I can establish that you are angry with Darkrai. Why do you are you mad with him, and why are you so determined to see him die?"_

 _Cobalion is stun by this line of questioning. Phoenix smiles_. _"Looks like her power of hearing other's emotions still works in this world."_

 _Cobalion's shocked expression soon turns to one of anger. "Ms Cykes. THAT is NONE of your business."_

 _Suddenly, darkness came into Phoenix's vision._

 _He could see no one else but Cobalion._

 _He looks over to Cobalion, with the same angry expression on his face. Chains start to appear in front of the Iron Will Pokémon, zooming across Cobalion's body. With those chains, a single Psyche Lock appears._

 _The blue attorney frowns, and puts a hand into his pocket, to take out his Magatama, and looks at it._

 _"Psyche Locks... I remember the case when they first appeared to me. That involved a lot of weird things in that case. They appeared when anyone is telling a lie or is hiding something intentional... These things even appeared in that case in another world..."_

* * *

"Okay, I gotta admit, this whole Psyche Lock thing is really cool," Keldeo said with a grin, "So, we get a pretty engaging sequence where Phoenix breaks open the Psyche Lock to reveal a truth about this version of Cobalion."

* * *

 _"Cobalion, the reason why you hate Darkrai is because he is the living essence of Nightmares, something that is horrible and frightening. You may consider them evil as well. You hate Darkrai because he causes nightmares, and spreads them around. You think he is evil, and that explains why you are biased against him, and that is why you want the death penalty for him!"_

 _Cobalion stands there, looking at Phoenix._

 _Then, a small smile appears on his face._

 _"I don't have much respect for humans, Mr. Wright, apart from Ash and his friends. Your associates don't impress me either. Neither do you, but... I guess you are adequate at your job."_

 _Cobalion's Psyche Lock shatters into pieces. Cobalion's secret is now out._

 _The chains around Cobalion disappear, going back from where they came from, and the darkness disappears._

* * *

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_ Heatran shouted, getting excited again, " _HERE_ is some real proof of Cobalion hating Darkari enough to frame him!"

 _ **"OBJECTION!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted, "All this proves is that Cobalion wants to see Darkrai die. It does not prove that Cobalion would murder Ash and Cresselia to do it! We can in no way come to the conclusion that Cobalion would sacrifice the lives of two innocent bystanders in order to get rid of one Pokemon he hates! In fact, there was no way he would ever kill Ash because. . ."

 _"I don't have much respect for humans, Mr. Wright, apart from Ash and his friends._

 _ **"TAKE THAT!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted, "Cobalion just admitted in that very same scene that he respects Ash!"

Heatran merely shook his head and said, "Not bad, Detective Pikachu. However, I do believe there is something else later on that may poke, or should I say, _slice_ a few holes in your defense of that arrogant homicidal maniac."

" _ **OBJECTION!"**_ Keldeo shouted, "While this version of Cobalion is pretty awful, I don't think you should throw insults at him that also jump to the conclusion of him being homicidal. The way you're treating him is no better than the way he treated Darkrai!"

Heatran looked embarrassed by this, and he nodded slowly, "Okay. I suppose he is right. On with this fanfic."

Keldeo stomped his hooves impatiently and said, "You know what, I'm kinda sick of all this. The Legendries are divided against each other, Ash is dead, Darkrai is being hated for no reason, _Ash is dead,_ the Swords of Justice are all insanely out of character, _**and Ash is dead!**_ "

Keldeo face hoofed and sighed before saying, "Look, I have a lot of respect for both DragonNiro and AuraWielder, but I have to admit that this story, as a whole, was _not_ enjoyable for me. In fact, I don't even think I'm enjoying reviewing it, it's so uncomfortable! Cobalion in this kinda reminds me of Misty in _A Different Kind of Princess_ by Toadettegirl2012."

Everyone gasped in horror.

Keldeo smirked as he put his forehoof back down and said, "Yeah, I went there. Anyway, this isn't a normal review, so we don't have to go through things in order. We can skip around and focus only on the evidence. That'll make it easier and hopefully held us to get this over with faster. So, come on, Heatran, show us that evidence that you claim will disprove Detective Pikachu's theory."

Heatran smiled and said, "With pleasure. You see, when the Defensive side reveals the Blackmail Letters addressed to the Swords of Justice, and Virizion and Terrakion admit to the blackmail information being real, Cobalion does _this._ "

* * *

 _"You… two… no, you three… are….." he went, closing his eyes. Suddenly, a large, blue sword made out of pure energy formed around Cobalion's head, as his eyes snapped open._

 _"YOU ARE ALL TRAITORS!" Cobalion roared in pure fury._

 _Then, glaring at Terrakion, Cobalion attempts to swing the blue sword, obviously Sacred Sword, at him. Terrakion jumped back to dodge the Sacred Sword and then attacked back with his own Sacred Sword, a glowing orange sword. Cobalion dodged Terrakion's attack, which caused Terrakion to slice a part of the witness stand. Cobalion then proceeded to attack Virizion, who like Terrakion, dodged and produced her own Sword, a glowing green one. Virizion attacked Cobalion who dodged and caused Virizion to slice at the witness stand. This process of Cobalion attacking Terrakion and Virizion continued, as it sped up rapidly as the Swords tried to attack each other, damaging the stand with each attack._

 _Suddenly, Cobalion slipped up and fell over backwards onto his back dizzy from his failed attacks, with the Sacred Sword still glowing. At this point, the witness stand is just made out of wood cubes. Virizion and Terrakion looked at other and nodded. Using their glowing swords as some kind of spatula, the Meadow Sword and the Cave Sword then proceed to throw Cobalion into the air spinning, with his Sacred Sword still out. Then, suddenly, the Sacred Sword gets caught in the ceiling, suspending Cobalion in mid-air even more dizzy from the spinning._

 _Then, Terrakion grabs a cube from the sliced witness stand and throws it at Cobalion, which hits him and bounces off to the ground. Then Virizion does the same, throwing it at Cobalion and the wooden cube bouncing off him then to the ground. Suddenly, Terrakion and Virizion begin to pelt Cobalion with these wooden cubes at an extremely fast pace, getting fast and fast at the second. The amount of wooden cubes being thrown at him causes Cobalion to recover himself from his dizziness and focus himself. Unfortunately for him, the Sacred Sword disappears once Cobalion regained himself, and he then proceeded to fall to the floor._

 _"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M SOOORRRRRRRYYYY KEEEELLLLDDEEE-GRAGJHT!" Cobalion yells out as he fell towards the floor and hitting it, creating a crater in the floor of the courtroom._

* * *

" _ **TAKE THAT!"**_ Heatran shouted triumphantly, "As you can _clearly_ see, Cobalion tried to _murder_ Virizion and Terrakion right there in the courtroom, and those are his teammates! Not only that, he also seems. . ."

* * *

 _"But I'm not lying!" Cobalion goes, angrily. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?!"_

 _Virizion steps forward, to re-ensure Cobalion. "Don't worry, Cobalion, I believe you!"_

 _The Iron Will Sword of Justice then calms down a little, smiling even. "Thank you, Virizion. I appreciate it a lot."_

* * *

" _ **TAKE THAT!"**_ Heatran shouted eagerly, ". . . to have romantic feelings for Virizion! And he had no problem trying to kill _her_! Therefore, even if he _does_ have respect for Ash, his actions here prove that he'd have no problem killing him and Cresselia just so he could have Darkrai executed, no matter how much _quote -unquote_ 'respect' he has for Ash. There is leitrally _no one_ that Cobalion won't kill!"

" _ **OBJECTION!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted at the top of his lungs.

He then slammed his forepaws down hard on the stand, and gave a piercing glare at Heatran. The music _Pursuit ~ Cornered (Variation)_ from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney played as her spoke.

"First of all," Detective Pikachu began, "You have neglected to go into any detail about the context of this scene, not the mention the detail of the Black Mail Letters! In short, these letters communicate that if the Swords of Justice do not make sure Darkrai is found guilty, an unknown entity known as the Secret Keeper will reveal that Keldeo had his battle with Kyurem 75 years too early!"

* * *

 _"Why on earth is there a Blackmail Letter addressed to the Swords of Justice?!" Lugia demanded, eyes dilated. "There's no reason for them to get blackmailed!"_

 _Athena shook her head. "No, there is a perfect reason on why the Swords have been blackmailed, and it fits in with the missing pages of the book!"_

 _A sudden slam of Arceus' gavel is heard and Athena turns her attention to the reining judge. "It seems the defense may have an explanation for the Blackmail Letter. Let's hear it then. What reason was there for the Swords of Justice to compile with the letter?"_

 _Athena grinned in a confident manner, crossing her arms. "The reason is that it dates a few years ago, when a battle between Keldeo and Kyurem happened!" the attorney in yellow explained without missing a beat. Cobalion can be seen gritting his teeth, becoming more and more pale by the minute._

 ** _OBJECTION!_**

 _Reshiram slammed down on the table once more. "What are you blabbing on about?!" she interrogated harshly. "That battle isn't supposed to happen until for another 75 years!"_

 _Arceus nodded, giving an aura of displeasure out to show that she wasn't pleased. "The prosecution is right. That battle isn't supposed to happen yet. That is not a good excuse."_

 ** _HOLD IT!_**

 _To the courtroom's shock, Keldeo pointed out a hoof. "Your honor! It did really happen! I testify to that fact!" he declared, trying to back up Athena's point. "And if we ask Kyurem, he'll say the same thing!"_

 _Arceus then glanced to the courtroom audience, to find where Kyurem is. Once she located the said ice dragon, she asked him a simple question: "Is this true, Kyurem?"_

 _Kyurem, sitting next to Groudon and behind Apollo, said nothing but simply nodded. "GACK!" Cobalion yelled out when he saw that Kyurem had nodded._

 _"I see…" Arceus went, thinking and giving out the aura of disappointment. "…so that has happened. So why wasn't I aware of it? How does this tie into the murder?"_

 _"That's simple, your Honor!" Athena stated, more confidently. "The reason why you weren't made aware of this is because the Swords kept it a secret! Why, you ask? Well, at the time of when Keldeo fought Kyurem, you were still angry at the Creation trio! The Swords kept the secret of that until you had calmed down to avoid your wrath, and were about to tell you when the first Blackmail Letter came in!"_

 ** _SILENCE!_**

 _"What 'first Blackmail Letter'?!" Simon questioned in disbelief. "First we find out there was a blackmail letter address to the Swords of Justice but now there are two?!"_

 _Athena nodded. "Yes, but the first one was longer. It insult the Swords by reminding them of what happened, and asked to keep a favor in exchange for the sender's silence in the matter."_

 _"And who was this sender?!" Simon retorted back, questioning the fact on this._

 _"That, I don't know. They signed the letter as 'The Secret Keeper'." Athena replied, still wondering who it is. "But, that can be found out later. The more important thing is, that Cobalion decided to keep the secret from Arceus because of he made a mistake that was huge to him."_

 _Cobalion begins to sweat nervously, with his heart race as Athena continues to explain._

 _"The first mistake was letting Keldeo out of his sight, though Cobalion knows that it wasn't his fault."_

 _"NO, STOP IT!" Cobalion yelled out in a desperate manner, with Athena ignoring him._

 _"The second was failing to stop Keldeo from fighting Kyurem and the third was letting the blackmail letter to happen." Athena finished off explaining. "This all comes into a mixture pot that creates one, big secret!"_

 _Athena slammed on the table, to show her point. "Which would have been threaten to be exposed with the second Blackmail Letter!"_

 _"WHAT?!" the Prosecution goes, horrified by this. Mesprit nodded to this._

 _"T-t-the r-reason why the S-Swords have been a-acting out of character is because of this letter!" she said nervously, with Keldeo taking in the info. "T-t-they d-didn't want Arceus to find out!"_

 _Lugia looked at the Swords, with the tiniest of sadness in his eyes. "So that's why you've been acting strange… That would explain why Cobalion's been so hostile."_

 _"But why would they hide it?" Reshiram questioned._

 _Mesprit slammed her tails onto the desk. "Y-y-you t-try t-tell our mother, a god, t-t-that you messed up y-your duties! Can y-you imagine the wrath?!"_

* * *

"Due to all of this," Detective Pikachu went on, "It would make sense that Cobalion would be put under a lot of stress. The responsibility of being the leader of the Swords of Justice, looking after Keldeo, managing his training, planning for the battle with Kyurem, not to mention the pressure of having _Arceus_ towering over him would push him to the breaking point if he ever thought all of that was in jeopardy. These Blackmail Letters do just that. They threaten to destroy Cobalion's entire life and bring down the wrath of Arceus upon him. This emotional trauma would be more than enough to cause him to react violently. Not to mention, Pokemon moves are _rarely_ fatal. Pokemon are hit with Hyper Beams and Fire Blasts and various other ultra-powerful moves every day, and 99% of the time, they simply faint. Virizion and Terrakion would be tough enough to take a few Sacred Sword attacks without sustaining any life-threatening injuries. Plus, they attacked as well in that scene, so by your logic, _they_ would be murders as well. And speaking of the Swords in general, this whole blackmail scheme gives a logical explanation to the Swords' awful behavior, in contrast to your _'they're acting mean so they're murderers'_ theory. Alos, the existence of this Secret Keeper blackmailer, who is either the murder or in league with the murderer, proves that neither Cobalion nor any of the other Swords are guilty because they couldn't possibly be blackmailing themselves!"

" _ **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGH!"**_

Everyone except for Detective Pikachu looked at Heatran in horror as he roared loud enough to shake the entire Courtroom, causing the _Pursuit_ music to stop.

Heatran roared again, this time unleashing Heat Wave throughout the Courtroom, causing many of the people and Pokemon to shield their faces. Detective Pikachu merely pulled down the brim of his hat, looking unconcerned by Heatran's Breakdown.

" _ **It's not fair! I was the greatest Steel-Type Legendary before HE came along!"**_ Heatran shouted as he reared up on his hindlegs. He then stomped down with all his might, his forelegs hitting the floor hard enough to crack it. Lava Plumes started to burst out of the ground all around Heatran, turning the entire Courtroom into a Hellish landscape of eternal torment. Screams of evil doers could be hears all around, and they mingled with Heatran's demented roaring to create a song of terror and doom.

" _ **Cobalion will MELT! Cobalion must MELT! HE MUST MELT IN HELL!"**_ Heatran shouted as he clanged his forelegs together to send out Metal Sound.

Detective Pikachu winced a bit, and his ears twitched, but he stood his ground.

" _ **COBALION MUST GO TO HELL! HELL! COBALION NEEDS TO MELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLT!"**_ Heatran shouted as he used Magma Storm on Detective Pikachu.

Detective Pikachu was trapped within the raging inferno. However, there was suddenly a puff of smoke, and Detective Pikachu was suddenly standing a few feet away, out of the raging Magma Storm.

"Smoke Ball," he said with a gentle smile, "I knew I'd end up needing it."

Heatran roared in fury, and he charged right at Detective Pikachu. However, just as this was happening, the doors to the Courtroom opened, and Cobalion ran in shouting a battle cry, with Virizion and Terrakion right behind him. Cobalion powered up his Sacred Sword, and leapt at the charging Heatran. He slipped his Sacred Sword right underneath Heatran's body, and with a might upward sling, launched Heatran up into the air.

With Heatran up above them; Detective Pikachu, Cobalion, Virizion, and Terrakion all attacked with Electro Ball, Flash Cannon, Magical Leaf, and Hyper Beam respectively. The attacks struck Heatran in the underbelly, and the resulting explosion blasted him right through the roof and into the sky.

 _ **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo. . ."**_ Heatran shouted, right before disappearing with a twinkle in the sky.

The fires died down, and the Courtroom returned to normal.

Cobalion gave a soft sigh, and he said, "Zorua snuck out and found us, and he told us to stand by the door and listen in."

"Yup!" Zorua said with a smile as he ran in behind Cobalion. He then gave a snicker and said, "That was _awesome_!"

Cobalion then turned to _Turnabout Legend_ Keldeo and said, "Keldeo, words cannot express how sorrowful I am about my behavior. I allowed the fear of what would happen if the truth of your battle with Kyurem was exposed to cloud my judgement. I _truly_ did believe Darkrai was guilty at the time, which made it easier to act the way I did. But now I see how foolish I was, and how bigoted I was, and it nearly caused me to lose all the honor I had, and twisted me in a creature far lower than what I _thought_ Darkrai was. I will dedicate the rest of my life to making up for my horrible misdeeds."

 _Turnabout Legend_ Keldeo just shook his head and said, "Don't be too hard on yourself, Cobalion. Sure, what you did was wrong. . ." he glanced at Virizion and Terrakion, ". . .what _all_ of you Swords did was wrong, but you all regret your actions and are willing to make up for it. And a large part of it was your desire to protect me. Cobalion's blind hatred of Darkrai just made everything worse. The only thing to do now is move on from this and make sure we never go through anything like this again. No more secrets. No more bias or quick judgements. Just pure _objective_ truth."

The three Swords nodded solemnly, and then Cobalion looked up at the hole in the ceiling. "It seems Heatran and I were a lot alike. We allowed our hatred for someone to twist us into angry, ravenous beasts that would be willing to strike down anyone who didn't agree with us," he mused, "I hope both he and I have learned a valuable lesson from all this."

"Indeed," Arceus added, "Well then, with Heatran's accusations thoroughly debunked, I now find Cobalion. . ."

 _ **NOT GUILTY**_

There was some applause and many voiced their agreement and approval, but it was hardly celebratory in nature, as Cobalion had essentially shamed himself a great deal during this whole investigation.

"The court will now take a recess, and then it will resume to cross examine Detective Pikachu's prosecution of Dr. Yung," Arceus said.

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _ **We'll be right back!**_


	27. Commerical 1

Across the surface of the lake swam a happy looking Mudkip. He paddled along, occasionally spinning around in the cool water, looking quite content.

* * *

On a long tree branch, extending from the thick trunk of a very old tree, rested a Leafeon, laying down for a peaceful afternoon nap. Leafeon moved subtly in her sleep, her crossed hind paws rubbing against each other as she nestled her face into her forelegs.

* * *

 _ **Living as a Pokemon is easy!**_

* * *

Braixen rubbed her branch against her cheek emotionally and held it close to her chest. However, her moment was interrupted by a soft cracking sound. Braixen looked around a bit, then glanced down to see many hairline cracks forming in the ice under her feet.

* * *

 _ **. . . Supposedly.**_

* * *

With eyes widened, Leafeon went back into a pouncing position and was about to jump forward when the branch completely snapped off of the tree. Leafeon screamed as the tree branch fell and spun around, all four of her paws clinging to the branch thanks to her retractable claws. Her decent was abruptly halted when the branch was suddenly caught by two other thin but sturdy branches.

* * *

Absol carefully lifted her paw out of the water, staring at it as a few drops of the less than clean water fell from her sharp claws. She made a sound of disgust as she held her now brownish-grey, rather than white, paw away from her and turned her head from it. She shook it forcefully, as if to try and shake the gritty water out of her paw's fur, backing up as she did so.

* * *

 _ **These Pokemon have the strangest problems!**_

* * *

Zebstrika drew himself up on his hind legs and caught the doorknob in between his two fore-hooves. He did his best to grip the doorknob between his hooves and attempted to turn it, grunting as he partially contorted his forelegs as he tried to turn the knob.

* * *

Buizel got closer to the round screen, peering into the inner darkness of the tube. Then, a loud clanking sound caught Buizel's attention, causing him to move in closer to the screen. He suddenly noticed that his fur was waving a bit towards the opening of the tube. He then found himself pulled straight into the wire screen, spread eagled across the wire screen.

* * *

 _ **And the most creative solutions!**_

* * *

Purrloin cackled eagerly, and she licked her left paw and pressed her palm against the glass. She then unsheathed a claw on her right paw and scratched a circle around her left paw. Chuckling happily, Purrloin gave the glass a push with her left paw. Her face fell into confusion, and she gave the glass a few more pushes. Frowning in frustration, Purrloin scratched another circle with her unsheathed claw and pushed harder with her paw.

* * *

 _ **. . .Supposedly.**_

* * *

Absol nodded her head enthusiastically as her Future Sight attack activated, firing the blasts physic energy out at the log, causing a huge explosion that smashed the wood and sent Absol flying out of the mud hole. Absol soared over the forest like a rocket, the wind blowing through her ruff of fur, and landed horn first into the ground like a massive dart.

* * *

Eevee blinked her eyes, and then lurched her body forward in an attempt to free herself. Her claws were stuck fast into the ice, and she looked around in aggravation at her stuck paws. Eevee breathed in loudly, and then thrust out her chest towards the Ice Rock. She groaned loudly as she tried puffing out her stomach in an attempt to get in contact with the Ice Rock.

* * *

 _ **Wild Pokemon get a little wilder in the FanFic series "Poke Beat"!**_

* * *

Purrloin frowned for a moment, her black nose sniffling as she stared at her paw still stuck to the glass, hardly believing how powerful the suction was. She then wrapped her long tail around her forearm and pulled with that as well. Purrloin threw her whole body into it, leaning back on the heels of her footpaws, closing her eyes, and clenching her teeth, until finally, her paw came off of the glass with a loud pop.

* * *

 _ **Written by thatdragonwiththetophat-com. See episodes 1 through 16 on his FanFictionNet account, and see both old episodes and episodes 17 and beyond ONLY on Matthais123 (Matthais Unidostres)'s DeviantArt account.**_

* * *

A pink ball with several golden star outlines all around it bobbed up and down slightly as it floated in place in the water. Suddenly, the ball was whacked straight up out of the water by a large pink fish-like tail that broke the water's surface. The tail was pulled back into the water quickly, and the head and upper body of a Primarina broke the surface with a dramatic upward splash. She held her round pink nose up with an eager look on her face, and the ball fell back down and landed perfectly on her nose. Primarina balanced the ball flawlessly and, apparently, effortlessly. Primarina then held out her pure white sealion flippers and dropped the ball into them. She hugged the ball close, closing her eyes and smiling happily. Then she tossed the ball upward and began bouncing it up and down off her head. She turned to the now empty bleachers where the audience would sit and watch her during show times, imagining that they were full. She made a show of putting her left flipper over her mouth yawning as she performed her trick, then she bumped the ball extra high, quickly dived beneath of the water, and jumped straight up after it. She deftly caught it between her flippers as she splashed back down into the water.


	28. Turnabout Legend- Part 2

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. .**_ .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Eight:** _ **Turnabout Legend**_ **by AuraWielder and DragonNiro**

"Detective Pikachu," Arceus said, "You may continue with your cross examination."

Detective Pikachu nodded curtly and said, "Alright. First of all, it is a logical theory that the Drakrai that attacked Celebi was merely a Mirage Darkrai created by Dr. Yung. Now, the first actual clue that points to Dr. Yung being the killer is the hat Ash was found wearing after he was murdered."

* * *

 _Mesprit flips over the photo, which shows the body of Ash in it. Buneary pales a little, taken aback, while Athena looks confused._

 _"What is it?" she questions, not sure why Mesprit is acting odd. Mesprit points at Ash's hat, which is lying in the dirt._

 _"Look as Ash's hat! It's different from what Buneary told us!" Mesprit yells, seeing the contradiction. Athena takes the photo, looks at the hat more closely, and pales slightly, with a nervous sweat on._

 _True to what Mesprit had said, the hat in the picture wasn't the hat that Ash wore during Kanto, the Orange Islands and Johto, but was in fact the he wore in Kalos instead. Now that Athena has had a closer look, it appears a small tear is at the top of the hat._

 _Buneary said that Ash was wearing the Kanto hat, but in the photo of his body, it's the Kalos hat. Why is the hat different? Did Ash change his hat before he died or was it replaced? If it was replaced, then why? Why would the killer replace the hat?_

* * *

 _ **"TAKE THAT!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted, "It makes no sense for the killer to switch out one of their victim's articles of clothing, unless this was out of the killer's control! Ergo, a computer data issue!"

 _ **"OBJECTION!"**_ Kyurem suddenly shouted.

Keldeo the Critic groaned and said, "Seriously, Kyurem! You're still trying to convince everyone that _you_ did it?"

Kyurem ignored Keldeo and continued, "What is this Pikachu talking about? What computer issue?"

"A _Mirage System data_ issue," Detective Pikachu said smartly, "This hat is not a real hat, but a hat created by Dr. Yung's mirage system. We see that the Mirage System can create other things besides Pokemon, such as the Mirage Master persona. However, Ash's Kanto hat was not logged into the Mirage System, so Dr. Yung had to improvise and sue another hat. Seeing as Ash had just finished his journey through Kalos, he decided to use Ash's Kalos hat."

 _ **"OBJECTION!"**_ Kyurem shouted again, "This is all pointless! Why would Dr. Yung need to create a different hat?"

"Because he wasn't _just_ creating a mirage hat," Detective Pikachu explained, "He created an entire mirage Ash!"

The Courtroom went crazy at this, and Arceus had to shout over the commotion.

"ORDER! ORDER! Detective Pikachu, what is your reasoning behind this claim?" Arceus said.

"Dr. Yung needed to cover his tracks by framing Darkrai. So, he had to make the body look like Darkrai had attacked him. So, he created a fake body with claw marks that matched Darkrai's claws. However, he did not have Ash's Kanto wardrobe on file, so he had to make due with a different hat when he made the Mirage Ash."

Detective Pikachu then smiled a bit and said, "Ya know. . . this opens up the possibility of the real Ash being still alive somewhere so Dr. Yung can take pleasure in killing him, which would lead into a climax of everyone finding Ash in time and rescuing him. . ." Detective Pikachu stopped and shook his head, "Eh, but now I'm getting carried away."

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_ Kyurem shouted, "You are forgetting something. How could Dr. Yung have created those mirages here in the first place? The answer is. . . he _couldn't_ have. It's impossible."

" _ **OBJECTION!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted at the top of his lungs.

He then slammed his forepaws down hard on the stand, and gave a piercing glare at Kyurem. The music _Pursuit ~ Cornered (Variation)_ from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney starting playing again.

* * *

 _"Please take a closer look at the bush in this image!" Athena pointed out, a large hologram appearing up for everyone to see. "As you can clearly see, there's some damage to the bush, to the side of bush, where Ash fell after being killed!"_

 _"So?" Simon went, looking curious at the image. It only took him a few seconds to realize what was wrong, and he quickly changed to his position of acting like he's been slashed with a sword. "…GRAGH! What's the meaning of this?!"_

 _Athena grinned, looking confident. "It seems like the main prosecutor gets it! It's clear that Ash's body crashed onto bush after being killed!" Athena started out, looking determined. "If the berries were truly there, that means when Ash' body fell onto the bush, it would have caused an explosion, totalling Ash's body, harming the killer, and alerting everyone! So, the question is now…"_

 _Athena pointed out at Celebi, who jumped out in fright at being pointed at. "…why is Celebi so certain that the berries are there, when they're clearly not!"_

 _"GACK!" Celebi screamed out, pulling a little too hard on her scarf as the Courtroom burst into chatter._

 _Keldeo slammed down on the table, looking serious at Celebi. "Celebi, explain this!" he demanded, seriously._

 _"I-I-I don't know!" Celebi stuttered, looking around nervously, clutching her head whilst trying to think. "T-t-they were there before the murder….Oh!"_

 _"…_ _this can't be good…_ _" Athena pondered, feeling concerned in Celebi's sudden change in mood. Celebi gained a small smile._

 _"You see, my garden is a lot complicated than it looks at first!" Celebi explained, looking proud of herself. "Underneath the floor is a machine that allows the beds of the plants to be moved around!_

 _Say for example I wanted to move an Oran Berry tree from one corner of my garden to the other. Instead of uprooting the plants, the machine simply moves the plants around for me!"_

 _"WHAT?! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" both Mesprit and Athena yell out in shock. Lugia turned his head gently over to Celebi._

 _"So, how do you switch the plants around?" he asked, curious by this. "I presume that there's a control console somewhere near the garden?"_

 _Celebi nodded, looking determined. "Yes, there's one near the entrance of the garden! Just enter a password in and you can switch over the plants! It's hidden away in the way so only the ones who know it's there can access it!"_

* * *

 _ **"TAKE THAT!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted, "There's no way Darkrai, _or you, Kyurem,_ could have figured out Celebi's password! However, Dr. Yung is a brilliant scientist! He could have easily hacked into the machine and taken control of it! He would have then been able to move the explosive berries out of the way, and then moved in . . ."

Detective Pikachu then revealed a photo showing one of Dr. Yung's missile-like holographic generators.

 _ **"TAKE THAT!"**_ Detective Pikachu shouted, ". . . the expanded Mirage System! Then, Dr. Yung could have used the machine to move the holographic generators out of the way and hid them until it was safe to remove them! Oh, and as for the blackmail letters, we know that there had to have been witnesses of Kyurem's attack on the train and in the city. Plus, Keldeo was taking to Nurse Joy, who learned about his battle with Kyurem. Through word of mouth, news of the early battle between Kyurem and Keldeo could have easily reached Dr. Yung's ears, allowing him to write the blackmail letters and get the Swords of Justice to help him."

The music abruptly stopped, and Kyurem was completely still and silent. Ice slowly creeped up and all over his body. Eventually, Kyurem was completely covered by ice. Then, without warning, the ice shatters, leaving Kyurem looking no different than before it had all started. However, he suddenly slumped forward, landing face flat, hard and with tremendous force.

Arceus nodded and said, "Well then, I do believe that settles that. I now find Kyurem-."

 _ **"HOLD IT!"**_ Keldeo shouted, "Detective Pikachu has overlooked one thing!"

Detective Pikachu lifted an ear towards Keldeo and said, "Oh, and what's that, Keldeo the Critic?"

Keldeo looked right at Detective Pikachu and said, "Death of the Author does _not_ apply to Whodunnits."

"EH!?" Detective Pikachu said as he flinched backwards, sparks flying out of his cheeks.

"Death of the Author means that it doesn't matter what the author intended, the reader can interpret things the way they want," Keldeo explained, "The reader can draw their own conclusion of why certain events happen, or why characters do things or act a certain way or are the way they are. _However,_ in a mystery, the culprit is _always_ who the author says it is, because a mystery is a puzzle with one solution."

Keldeo sighed and said almost apologetically, "I mean, okay, the clues we've gotten don't seem to point to Kyurem. . . _at all._ But here's the thing, AuraWielder _said_ that Kyurem was the culprit. That's how the story was meant to go. Besides, the story was canceled, meaning we may have gotten _plenty_ of clues that would have pointed to Kyurem being the killer, had the story continued. Sure, we can make up theories and point out evidence on why it could have been Cobalion or Dr. Yung, but in the end, we have to accept that the culprit of the Whodunnit is just that, the culprit of the Whodunnit, and no amount of complaining or theorizing can change that."

Detective Pikachu's pupils shrank, and he sat far back in his chair. He was suddenly sitting in the front passenger's seat of a car, and the car was in motion. It was dark outside, and Detective Pikachu's heart was pounding. His heart thumped louder and louder, and it went faster and faster, and the louder and faster his heart went, the louder the engine revved and the faster the car moved. Suddenly, there was flash of light and a crash.

"AH!" Detective Pikachu shouted as he sat up in his chair. He then realized he was back in the Courtroom, and he let out a long sigh. But then he smiled and said, "Well done, Keldeo. Well done."

Arceus nodded and said, "Well then, now that _that_ is settled, there is only one thing left to do. I hereby find the defendant, Darkrai. . ."

 _ **NOT GUILTY**_

Nearly everyone in the Courtroom cheered. The only ones who didn't look to happy were those on the prosecution side. The human prosecutors were all furious at loosing again, while the Pokemon prosecutors were all deeply ashamed of how they had not only mistreated Darkrai, but nearly condemned him to die for a crime he did not commit.

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Well then, it looks like my job here is done. Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so-."

Suddenly, there was a massive blast of freezing air that filled the entire Courtroom. When it finally died down, everyone was frozen solid. Everyone, that is, except for Kyurem, who had used Glaciate to freeze everyone in the room.

Kyurem let out a maniacal laugh as he stood tall within the Courtroom, savoring his victory.

* * *

 **That's how it could have happened.**

 **But how about this?**

* * *

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Well then, it looks like my job here is done. Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so-."

Suddenly, there was a massive blast of freezing air that filled the entire Courtroom. When it finally died down, everyone was frozen solid. Everyone, that is, except for Kyurem, who had used Glaciate to freeze everyone in the room.

Kyurem let out a maniacal laugh as he stood tall within the Courtroom, savoring his victory.

Suddenly, Keldeo the Critic burst out of the ice in his Resolute Form with his Secret Sword powered up. He leapt at Kyurem and deal him a mighty blow. There was an explosion, and when the smoke cleared, Kyurem was revealed to be a giant robot.

"Jeepers! That Kyurem's a giant robot!" Munna shouted, who had been freed from the ice along with the rest of Keldeo the Critic's group when he had burst out of it.

"Zoinks!" Floyd cried out.

"Alright! Now this is what I call a twist!" Victini said excitedly.

Keldeo smirked and said, "Jinkies, you can say that again! Now, let's who this Boundary Pokemon _really_ is!"

Using his Secret Sword, Keldeo levered off the giant robot's face to reveal the villain sitting in the cockpit.

 _ **"*Gasp!* Dr. Yung!?"**_

Dr. Yung sneered at the group and said, "Yeah! And I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling Pokemon! And that mangy Zorua!"

Zorua smiled and said, "Zoru, Zora, _PECHA BERRIES!_ Ya got Pecha Berries? Aw, come on, help a cute little Zorua out, huh? Come on, Pecha Berries! Come on, I need them! Dr. Yung said I was mangy, and I'm pretty sure some Pecha Berries would clear that up, right? Actually, what is mange, anyway?"

* * *

 **But here's what really happened.**

* * *

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Well then, it looks like my job here is done. Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so-."

"Wait," Arceus said as Kyurem was led away by Reshiram and Zekrom, "Aren't you going to stay for Kyurem's execution?"

Keldeo wrinkled his snout in disgust and said, "Why would I wanna see that?"

Arceus blinked awkwardly and said, "Oh. . . well. . . um. . . You aren't really going to leave _now_ , are you? I mean, there's so much left to conclude."

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well, sure there is. We got Ash and Cresselia's funereal, _Kyurem's execution_ , Pikachu's emotional and mental health, closure for the rest of Ash's friends, apologies to Darkrai, this world's Keldeo's reconciliation with the Swords of Justice if that's even possible, and the big goodbye to all the Ace Attorney characters."

Keldeo let out a sigh and said, "You know, I'm sure AuraWielder and DragonNiro had big plans for those moments They probably would have been so touching and emotional and awesome and well written. . ."

Keldeo then shrugged and said, "Well, Matthais sure isn't gonna do all of that work for a review of an abandoned story! So, we're done here! Come on, guys!"

Keldeo, Victini, Munna, Floyd, and Zorua all jumped into the portal back to their world, which promptly closed behind them.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney_ by Capcom

Pursuit ~ Cornered (Variation) (TinyURL: **ky2unyt** )

 _Turnabout Storm_ by NeoArtimus (YouTube channel _PWaaMLPfim_ )

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Scooby Doo the Mystery Begins_

 _Detective Pikachu_ (2016)

 _Pokémon: The Mastermind of Mirage Pokémon_ (2006)

 _Bum Reviews_ by Channel Awesome

TVTropes

TinyURL

 _ **Credit for Poke Beat Commercial**_

 _Jungle Beat on Boomerang - Central/Eastern Europe_ by Sunrise Productions (TinyURL: **ydxha2z7** )


	29. E8: Kitty Is Not A Cat

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. .**_ .

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial Eight: Kitty Is Not a Cat**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL ybct6qzd**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerfully, then he toned down his enthusiasm a bit as he continued, "You might have noticed that it took me quite a while to get out my _Turnabout Legend_ review. Sure, it was a pretty big project, what with making it seem like an Ace Attorney case, looking for the clues in the story, coming up with arguments and counter arguments, creating the Breakdown cutscenes and all that. However, a critic-ian of my skill should have easily been able to do all that at least a little bit faster than the Slugma's pace I was going."

Keldeo sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I gotta admit it. The reason it took me so long was because I got. . . distracted. Or maybe a better word would be. . . _captivated._ I mean, the time I usually spend on this series was just totally consumed, but I _willingly_ gave up that time, and I enjoyed giving that time up. Like, it was worth it to kinda shirk doing review stuff so I could put my focus on the thing that I had found. I watched all of its episodes, _repeatedly._ I even helped to build up its page on TVTropes! (TinyURL: ycsybl82)"

"So, what have I been so obsessed with? It's a new show by the Australian company BES Animation called _Kitty Is Not a Cat._ "

Keldeo leaned forward dramatically and shouted, "HELP ME, I'M ADDICTED!"

* * *

 _ **Kitty is not a cat**_ _is a series about a young girl who is out to prove you can be anything you want... even a cat!_

 _The series centres on a group of stray cats living together in a dilapidated old mansion left to them by an eccentric baroness. With the cats in charge, the manor is a constant almighty party! Life couldn't be better for these cats, who it seems have truly landed on their feet._

 _However, the party comes to an abrupt halt with a knock at the door. There on the doorstep they find 'Kitty' – a little girl in an orange cat suit who followed one of them home. Yikes! Where did she come from? Who are her owners? It's anyone's guess - the cats' questions remain unanswered as Kitty only purrs, meows and if provoked, hisses. The cats try in vain to find out how they can rehome Kitty – posters, ads in the paper, but to no avail. The cats soon find that looking after a little girl who wants to be a cat, seriously cramps their style. That said, even the stubborn cats have to admit that she really is extremely cute…_

 _In the style of_ _ **Monsters Inc., Three Men & a Baby**_ _and with a little_ _ **Top Cat**_ _thrown in, so begins a concerted effort by the cat crew to teach Kitty how to behave like a human and to slowly introduce her back into the wild, but with each passing day Kitty becomes more a part of the family. This group of carefree individuals suddenly find themselves embracing the parenting role with hilarious results but it seems they wouldn't have it any other way._

* * *

Keldeo got back into his normal stance and gave a chuckle. "Okay, that right there is impressive. It's not often a piece of media openly admits to ripping off of something else! Then again, I suppose it'd be no use hiding it. Like Boo from _Monsters Inc.,_ we've got a human child wearing a costume to blend in with other creatures. I've never heard of _Three Men & a Baby, _but I assume it involves the _'where did this kid come from?'_ of course, it has anthropomorphic cats with attitude like in Hanna-Barbera's _Top Cat_."

Keldeo grinned and said, "And the funny part of it is that the similarities with other media doesn't end there! In fact, my friends are gonna list as many of them as they can right now!"

Victini, Munna, and Floyd came in and lined up in front of Keldeo. All of them stood up, or floated, straight and looked straight ahead.

"You've got 50 seconds!" Keldeo announced, "GO!"

A bell rang, and the sound of a ticking clock could be heard as the three of them rattled off references in a quick, official tone of voice..

Victini said, "The _'where did this kid come from?'_ also hearkens to _Ice Age_ and _The Hangover._ "

Munna said, "The show features a multi-colored cast of characters where a moral is spelled out at the end of every episode like in _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic._ "

Floyd said, "The show has a large cast of characters, many with singular defining personality traits, like _The Smurfs._ "

Victini said, "The animation style, type of humor, and overall setting is very similar to _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends."_

Munna said, "The way the cats in the mansion try to understand and interact with the outside world is reminiscent of _The Munsters_."

Floyd said, "The idea of someone who is not a cat dressing up as a cat is also seen in _Counterfeit Cat_ and _Kid vs. Kat_."

Victini said, "King Tubby's fantasies when he's explaining human behavior or culture are similar to Meowth's Giovanni fantasies in _Pokemon,_ or Kuzco's doodle segments or Yzma's evil plan fantasies from _The Emperor's New School._ "

Munna said, "There's a female British narrator like the second narrator from _The Stanley Parable._ "

Floyd said, "Kitty is a cute mute, kinda like George the monkey from _Curious George._ There's even a narrator to reveal the titular's character inner thoughts in both shows."

Victini said, "The show centers on a character who's trying to fit in with a whole other species, like _Bunsen is a Beast._ "

The bell rang again, stopping the ticking clock, and Keldeo called out, "Time! Okay then, you guys are done. Go now. Come on, let me gush over this awesome show in peace!"

The trio actually rolled their eyes in synchrony, and then turned and left, leaving an eagerly smiling Keldeo behind.

"Alright, so, I want to be able to go all out on how awesome this show is, so I'm gonna address the one little thing that bugged me at first to get it out of the way," Keldeo explained, "It's the fact that Kitty doesn't talk. Now, at first you might think that it's because Kitty can't speak cat language, so her attempts to speak cat just sound like random meows to the other cats, and we're looking into this show's world through their perspective, so we can't understand Kitty either. _**However**_ _,_ we then have _plenty_ of scenes where the cats communicate with other humans just fine, so cats can _clearly_ speak English in this world, so that raises the question of why exactly this girl is a mute. Who is she? The daughter of Chell and Gordon Freeman?"

Keldeo suddenly started chuckling in an almost goofy manner, and he said, "Oh, forget it! Those things mean nothing! This entire show is an Admirable Animation worthy of the MysteriousMrEnter! And even better, you'll soon be able to see _every single episode_ _ **for free**_ on the _Kitty Is Not A Cat_ YouTube channel (TinyURL: yama4b7j). As of now, only 11 episodes have been uploaded . . . out of order, for some strange reason. . . but it shouldn't be too long before the rest of them are uploaded. Oh man, this is so _AWESOME_!"

Keldeo composed himself and said, "Okay, so how could a cartoon about a little girl in a cat suit possibly be so amazing? Well, you see, while this show is funny and cute, it is also witty, smart, good for children, and even manages to be, _I kid you not,_ a source of _**social satire**_. How can this be?"

Keldeo chuckled again and wagged his right forehoof, "Ah, ah, ah! We can't rush through this masterpiece of a cartoon show. Let's break it down."

Keldeo put his hoof back down, "First off, the creators of this show made sure that Kitty is a _character_ , not a plot device. You might _expect_ Kitty to be this mischievous troublemaker that the cats have to constantly deal with, with her being in danger or causing a problem every episode."

Keldeo grinned and said, "But NOPE! That's not it at all, thank goodness! Even though Kitty can't talk and . . _. thinks she's a cat_. . . she is clever, intelligent, and very capable. More often than not, she's the one who solves the problem or has to help out the cats. She even has several awesome moments, believe it or not; and as a rule, she's way smarter than the cats. Kitty can be almost MacGyver-like at times!"

"But of course, a main character is nothing without a supporting cast. There are 15 cats living in the mansion, and while not all of them are deep or complex, they still all contribute to the show like pieces of an awesome jigsaw puzzle. We've got Ming the jerk with a heart of gold, Mr. Clean the ironically named pigpen, Spook the lovable coward, Luna the mellow fellow, Last Chance the klutz, Pierre the French chef, Happy the Mr. Magoo, Gibson the beatnik, Thorn the tough action girl, and Cheeta the fast-talking smart aleck."

Keldeo smiled eagerly and said, "But let's focus on the more _prominent_ characters. First there's Timmy-Tom; the youngest of the cats who fills the role of Kitty's best friend/little brother, and often gets into mischief alongside her."

* * *

 _ **Timmy-Tom:**_ _"You're right. I_ _ **am**_ _Kitty's best friend. And best friends don't let best friends become not-very-nice humans!"_

* * *

"Then there's Petal; the Team Mom who is the most protective of Kitty and is the one to cheerfully dish out love and care, or seriously dish out some discipline."

* * *

 _ **Petal:**_ _"Imitation is the highest form of flattery, and being catty is the last form of cathavior. I expect better of_ _ **both**_ _ **of you!**_ _Just fix this!"_

* * *

"Then we have Miley; the glasses-wearing nerd of the household who can always be found reading a book, rolling her eyes, making snide remarks, and breaking the fourth wall with her deadpan snarker attitude."

* * *

 _ **Miley:**_ _(To Audience)_ _"Wow. I understand why Kitty would make her friends out of paper."_

* * *

Keldeo got really excited for a moment and said, "And believe me, there is way more to her than meets the eye! Miley is seriously hardcore! She's almost like Raven from the _**ORIGINAL**_ Teen Titans. She has this shocking obsession with fire, as well as a passion for electronic music. And yet she still manages to be kind and understanding when she needs to."

"Anyway, then there's The Nezz; the wise, piano-playing cat who acts as the voice of reason for the group. He's often ignored, unfortunately, allowing the episode's conflict to snowball to its climax, much to his face-palming dismay. He's also the one who delivers the moral at the end of the episode."

* * *

 _ **The Nezz: "**_ _Strange feelings when someone else comes along and gets some of the attention we're used to getting. But, doesn't mean others feel any different about you."_

* * *

"And then there's King Tubby. . ."

Keldeo chuckled as he put his right forehoof to his forehead. "Oh my gosh, I never knew it was possible to both like and dislike a character so much at the same time!"

Keldeo put his hoof down and said, "Okay, you know how I said earlier that this show had social satire in it? Well, King Tubby is the source of this show's social satire. You see, once an episode, the conflict of the story will often require the cats to try to make sense of some area of human behavior or culture or whatever; because the whole point of the show is that the cats are trying to get Kitty to more or less stop acting like a cat. So, in comes King Tubby who happens to be a know-it-all that is in reality the most ignorant character I've ever seen. Seriously, he's the only character besides the Mr. Magoo cat that can't read or write. This causes him to be both incredibly insufferable and hilariously funny _at the same time!_ "

"Anyway, based on observations he's made by either watching the next-door neighbors or watching TV, Tubby will go on this whole ridiculous explanation that is pretty much entirely based off of misunderstandings. In spite of how ridiculous his reasoning is, the fact that he is an outside observer of human behavior causes him to make statements that are accidentally insightful in-universe, and purposely satirical out-of-universe. Here are a couple of the observations he's made throughout the course of the series."

* * *

" _When it comes to eating, humans appear to be more interested in the packaging than they are in the contents."_

" _When they can't short this out amongst themselves, they take the matter to court! And pay a lot of money for people to short it out for them."_

" _Humans appear to spend their lives constantly measuring what they have done for others against what others have done for them."_

" _If things fall short of their expectematations, they feel they are owed a debt, which they insist must be repaid!"_

* * *

"See how clever the writing is!" Keldeo said eagerly as he was nearly hoping with joy.

Keldeo settled down a bit and continued, "Well, like I said, all of these characters are able to contribute to very entertaining plots. And since there are so many characters, it keeps things interesting. In addition to Kitty and the cats, there are a few reoccurring characters. There's a pair of mice in the mansion that have a few funny lines. Then there's the rotten next-door neighbors, the _Stinkletons_ , no I am not making this up that really is their last name, who are pretty much just the Dursleys from Harry Potter, just without Harry. The kid is a fat, stupid, spoiled brat; the mother is vain, arrogant, and demanding; and the father is greedy, weaselly, miserable, and grouchy. I wouldn't exactly call them the main _villains_ , although at times they do cause the main conflict of the episode. Most of the time they're just a comic foil for Kitty and the cats to make fun of."

"For instance, in one episode, Kitty refuses to give up trying to play the bass, while Harold Stinkleton keeps trying to carry a sofa up some stairs. The Nezz has _this_ to say about the situation:"

* * *

 _ **The Nezz:**_ _"It's so easy to mistake determination for stubbornness. Or, what's that other 'S' word? Stupidity."_

* * *

Keldeo let out a sigh and observed aloud, "You know. . . I'm not sure if I'm really getting through to you all. I mean, here I am, getting all worked up over an animated children's cartoon about a little girl who thinks she's a cat. It's not like _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ or _Zootopia,_ so how could you all possibly understand why I got so obsessed with a cartoon like this, especially when Season 8 of My Little Pony _and_ thePokemon Sun and Moon anime are out right now?"

Keldeo closed his eyes solemnly, bowed his head a bit, and then gave a nod before holding his head up high and opening his eyes.

"So," Keldeo said simply, "I think the best thing for me to do is to list the 10 best episodes of _Kitty is Not a Cat_ for you to check out yourself. Now, this list isn't really _my_ top 10 favorite episodes. They're more like the top 10 episodes with the best plots, comedy, and character interactions; so I'm pretty sure you'll agree with this list, more or less."

 _ **Number 10 . . .**_

* * *

 _ **Kitty Needs a Bath**_

 _When Kitty develops a nasty cough, the cats assume she is sick. But when Kitty coughs out furballs, the cats realize that they haven't taught her how to clean herself like a human. Will the cats be able to face their fear of water and get Kitty to take a bath?_

* * *

"This episode is clever in that it sets up the story to be about one thing, Kitty being sick, only to suddenly change topics to something else, Kitty needing a bath. But other than that, this one isn't all that complex or heartwarming. It's basically just pure comedy and cute moments. Their reactions to entering the mansion's bathroom for the first time are each funny in their own unique way. We also get a fun chase scene later on that shows off Kitty's resourcefulness and seemingly endless vigor."

 _ **Number 9. . .**_

* * *

 ** _The Playhouse_**

 _When a strange set of boxes arrive at the house, the cats pretty quickly realise Kitty has ordered herself a playhouse. The only issue is they don't really know what a playhouse is. Once it's constructed Kitty plays blissfully inside, while the cats watch on in confusion. After much discussion the conclusion brought to them (naturally by King Tubby) is that Kitty has moved out! The cats go through a whirlwind of emotions, but collectively they're all devastated she's gone. It isn't until Kitty clues on to what is happening that this entire misunderstanding can be cleared up, literally._

* * *

"This episode manages to be both comedic and emotional at the same time. It's also filled to brim with dramatic irony, as we all know something the cats don't know. However, it doesn't take away from the sense of love, care, and utter attachment the cats give off. The episode also hammers in how intelligent Kitty is. Seriously, not even _I_ could understand those blueprints! How did she build it so fast!?"

 _ **Number 8. . .**_

* * *

 ** _All About the Bass_**

 _Kitty has always loved music, but she's never tried to learn an instrument herself. So when the cats discover she's been teaching herself the bass guitar, they are over the moon. Unfortunately for the cats, Kitty is only interested in playing one note, over and over and over. When the cats decide to try and broaden her musical horizons, they wind up disheartening her. Upset, Kitty gives up on finding her sound, until an unlikely ally teaches her that music can be whatever she wants it to be._

* * *

"AWESOME MUSIC! The intro song doesn't call these cats _'musical cats'_ for nothing. Many episodes of this show have great pieces of music in them, and this is one of those episodes. Of course, said music is saved for the end, but the way there is filled with various visual and audio gags that will have you smiling. Plus, the ending is really heartwarming when you consider who the unlikely ally is."

 _ **Number 7. . .**_

* * *

 ** _Deportment_**

 _King Tubby's mother returns to teach Kitty the proper manners of a little girl in high society. However, the cats feel as though they're being kept away from Kitty. Also, Kitty would much rather be herself than memorize and follow all of these new rules._

* * *

"This is actually the second appearance of King Tubby's mother, but her first episode isn't all that good. Mostly because she and Kitty hardly interact at all in that one. This episode fixes that problem, and is a very clever take on the _My Fair Lady_ plotline. And while the 'be yourself' moral isn't anything new, I'd say the episode delivers it in a very creative way."

 ** _Number 6. . ._**

* * *

 ** _The Arrival_**

 _It's New Year's Eve, and the cats are looking back on the year that has been. They reminisce about all the fun they've had, looking back particularly on the arrival of the most important member of their household, Kitty. When Kitty arrived, it was a shock to all of them, and the household was split as to who wanted her to go and who wanted her to stay. We all know who won out in the end - but it was a bumpy little journey to get there_.

* * *

"This is the pilot episode, the episode that explains this world and its story. However, the writers do something clever by bringing us into this world long after the events of Kitty's arrival happened, and then presenting it to us as a flashback. I suppose it makes sense, I mean, we all _know_ that the cats took Kitty in, so there's no real point in trying to build up false tension. Anyway, the flashback itself does a good job in presenting the cats as empathetic characters who see an orphaned little girl as no different than the homeless strays they once were. We even get to see what the late eccentric baroness looked like, so that's cool. Not only that, you can't help but feel glad that Kitty found loving family after who knows what happened with her birth parents. Ugh. . . so much Fridge Horror. . ."

 _ **Number 5. . .**_

* * *

 ** _Sour Kitty_**

 _It's Halloween, and Kitty has collected a large amount of candy. Much to the cats' dismay, Kitty can't stop eating it and refuses to eat anything else. While everyone else is at a loss for what to do, Mr. Clean believes that he may have the solution._

* * *

"Yeah, I'd say that this episode has _Don't Hug Me I'm Scared_ beat when it comes to teaching kids about healthy eating. It really does give a clear picture of why it's better to eat healthy, and quite accurately too. It shows how eating too much sugar causes your body to crave nothing but sugar. It shows how having all that sugar inside of you can cause you to lose control of your actions and mess with your emotions. It also shows how healthy, natural food like fresh fruits and vegetables nourish and cleanse your body of junk like sugar and fat. Plus, we get a social commentary on advertisements thanks to King Tubby!"

 _ **Number 4. . .**_

* * *

 ** _Seven Cakes for Kitty_**

 _When the cats realize that they've never celebrated Kitty's birthday, they decide to make her seven birthday cakes to make up for it. However, the cats end up competing with each other to make the best one they can. But will Kitty even like any of them more than the others?_

* * *

"This one is good because it's one of the rare episodes that gives all 15 cats an equal share of the spotlight. It also makes fun of those cooking contest game shows on _Food Network,_ complete with an epic logo, The Nezz as the announcer, and Kitty as the judge. It's also entertainining to see the seven pairs of cats interest with each other as they try to put together a cake, and trust me when I say each of these seven cakes are epic fails in the funniest ways possible!"

 _ **Number 3. . .**_

* * *

 ** _Copy Cat_**

 _When Kitty walks in on Miley enjoying her electronic music, Miley decides to share her passion with Kitty so that they can enjoy it together. Unfortunately, Kitty becomes so obsessed with Miley's music and style that she decides to be just like her in every way. When Miley is driven to her wits end by this, she and Luna hatch up a plan to make Kitty stop. Unfortunately, the plan backfires, and Miley's bond with Kitty is put in jeopardy._

* * *

"This is my favorite episode, and it made me choose Miley as my favorite character. It's absolutely adorable how Miley becomes a 'cool big sis' to Kitty, while Kitty becomes a 'pesky little sister' to Miley. It also has awesome music featuring electronic rock and Vocoder singing. The writers managed to create great interactions between Kitty and Miley, and the scenes where Kitty is imitating Miley are funny. It's heartwarming, and hilarious, it's just an awesome episode."

 _ **Number 2 . . .**_

* * *

 ** _School for Cats_**

 _Not wanting Kitty to have to leave every day to go to school, King Tubby decides to make the other cats teachers in order to give Kitty four years' worth of education in one day. Can the cats pull such a feat off? Luckily, Kitty just might be a clever enough kid to make it more or less easy for the cats to "teach"._

* * *

"Here's an episode where a share of the spotlight is given to almost all of the cats. This episode is full of jabs at the education system that kids will laugh at and adults will smile and nod their heads at. It's a funny episode, with a heartwarming ending. We also get a nice reality check from The Nezz at the end, so that's good. And although Miley kinda gets the short end of the stick in this episode, there is one absolutely priceless scene in this episode where you just want to run in and help her in some way, like, just give her a kind word or something. I'm not gonna spoil it, but trust me when I say that you'll know it when you see it."

 _ **And the Number 1 episode of Kitty Is Not A Cat is. . .**_

* * *

 ** _Kitty Gets Dumped_**

 _When Kitty sneaks a look at Ming's diary, she discovers-_

* * *

"Nope! No spoilers this time!" Keldeo said giddily, "Seriously, If TheMysteriousMrEnter ever takes a look at this show, I am positive that he would review _this_ particular episode as an Admirable Animation. For one thing, the story structure is _masterful._ The episode starts out with Kitty reading about Ming's plan in his diary, and then it _seems_ to transition into the next day, but- wait, no, I don't want to spoil that bit of clever writing either. It's really hard to explain, you're just gonna have to trust me and see it for yourself. But I'll tell you one thing, this episode contains one of the most heartwarming moments in the entire series. Crowning Moment of Heartwarming right here. In fact, go ahead and watch it on YouTube right now if you want. Trust me, it's beautiful."

Keldeo let out a sigh of contentment and said, "Well, I think I've talked enough about this show. I really don't want to overdue. All I've got to say is that it's a lot of fun and I highly recommend it to anyone. Go to the YouTube channel and watch some episodes, go to the official _Kitty Is Not A Cat_ website to see detailed descriptions for all of the characters, and of course check out the TVTropes page _I_ helped and am still helping to build. Now, I should probably get back to doing what I'm supposed to be doing: reviewing fanfiction so you don't have to!"

Keldeo nodded and walked off.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _TVTropes_

 _TheMysteriousMrEnter_

 _Portal_ by Valve

 _Half-Life_ by Valve

 _Mr. Magoo_

 _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_

 _Teen Titans (2003 – 2006)_

 _kittyisnotacat com_


	30. Keldeo And His Pancakes

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

"V-WHEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd shouted.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Nine:** _ **Keldeo And His Pancakes**_ **by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL yd3wr3s9**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerfully, "Remember how during my review of _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes_ by Muffinypowers I briefly explained the difference between a random story and a dumb story?"

* * *

 _Keldeo frowned and said in a frustrated tone, "Yeah, but there's a difference between random and just plain duuuuuuuumb! Random is going an epic quest to look for stolen pancakes! Oh yeah, note to self: review_ Keldeo And His Pancakes _by Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus. Anyway, dumb is trying to pass off things that make no sense and have no logic as things that do make sense and do have logic even though it's painfully obvious that they don't make sense and don't have logic!"_

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well, I'd say it's about time I put my money where my mouth is."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo And His Pancakes**_

 _ **By: Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus**_

 _Keldeo was about to enjoy his nice morning with some delicious, warm, fluffy pancakes, when they go missing! Now Keldeo has to saddle up and rev up those fryers, because he is sure ready to kick some poke butt. Not even a name change will stop him from getting his pancakes!_

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Keldeo - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,819 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 5 - Updated: Jul 27, 2017 - Published: Oct 24, 2010 - Status: Complete - id: 6424384_

* * *

"Here we have a story that sounds completely random and silly. There's no way a story like this could possibly be engaging, right?" Keldeo asked rhetorically.

Keldeo smiled and said, "Well, first of all, I'm not biased just because this story stars a Keldeo. It could have been a Zebstrika or a Rapidash in here instead, and I'd still say that this story is random in the best possible way. Unlike _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes,_ this story actually has a point, and even manages to be cleverly self-aware at times. Meta, even!"

Keldeo started kicking his legs happily as he said gleefully, "Oooh, I'm so excited! Let's just go! This is _Keldeo And His Pancakes._ "

* * *

 _One beautiful day in a place that was extremely similar to Seaside Hill but not exactly Seaside Hill, the legendary male, horse like Pokemon Keldeo was having pancakes. They were good pancakes, because liked his pancakes that way. Anyway, was about to eat his pancakes when his persistent neighbor, Aria Meloetta, the icing loving freak, came by, smirking as usual._

* * *

There was the sound of a record scratch and Keldeo's happy demeanor deflated. He sighed and said, "Yeah, I had better address this. You see, Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus is _that_ Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus. As in, the one who has written some really . . . well, let's just say _bad_ stories. One of the most infamous stories involve a _version_ of Meloetta, who I'm just gonna refer to as Aria from now on, who is not only obsessed with eating large amounts of icing right out of the container, but also does really. . . well, let's just say _bad_ stuff with it."

Keldeo cleared his throat and said, "Look, Toadettegirl2012 wrote _Too Much H20,_ but that didn't effect the quality of her _good_ stories, and it's no different with Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus. So, let's just not think about the dark side of this author and focus on the cleverness of this story."

Keldeo smiled again and said, "First of all, the idea that this takes place in a place similar to a stage from Sonic Heroes gets your imagination going. And as for why the Keldeo in this story likes pancakes, well, that's simple!"

Keldeo kept grinning, and then he finally answered, "Waffles were taken."

 _ **Donkey:**_ _"I'm making waffles!"_

* * *

 _Meloetta giggled as she glanced at the delicious pancakes, and then looked up at Keldeo, "I noticed that you were having some pretty yummy pancakes for breakfast today. Perhaps you want to share some with me, yes?"_

 _Keldeo eyed suspiciously as he replied, "Actually, no. I was just going to have these... by myself... alone." Silence. "In my own comfort and privacy." Meloetta continued staring at him. Keldeo growled as he glared at her. "Without you here."_

* * *

"I don't know about you viewers at home," Keldeo began, "But personally, I get a kick out of how this flawed bootleg of a Meloetta's attempts to hit on this Keldeo have no effect whatsoever! Nice job, alternate me!"

* * *

 _Meloetta frowned as she tilted her head to the right. "Ohhhh... don't be like that," She then entered into the house as she approached, attempting to seduce him, "Why, if it wasn't for little old me, you wouldn't be in this here house, now would you?"_

* * *

"That's right, not only does this Keldeo live in a house, but Aria is his landlord!" Keldeo declared, looking about ready to crack up with laughter, "And what makes it work is that the story treats Keldeo wanting to live in a house as completely normal."

* * *

 _What a whacko... I can't believe I actually allowed her to lease me this house." He then shook his head as he waved his hoofs, reassuring himself, "But hey, it's the price I have to make for getting a place on my own."_

* * *

"This is unlike _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes,_ where Serena questions how her Sylveon can talk, this story doesn't question its own strangeness, which makes the strangeness funnier," Keldeo explained.

* * *

 _Keldeo sighed as he glanced at the pancakes and then at Meloetta, replying to her as he shook his head, "Look, Meloetta, just please go. Make like a tree and get out of here."_

* * *

Munna hovered in and said "Uh, I'm pretty sure it's _'make like a tree and_ _ **leave**_ _'._ "

"You're ruining it," Keldeo said out of the corner of his smiling mouth.

Munna blinked and started to say, "But I'm just saying-"

Keldeo used Hydro Pump out of his right forehoof to blast Munna away.

"Proceed," Keldeo said calmly and with a smile.

* * *

 _He waved his right front hoof as he continued shaking his head. "I don't have time to chat with you. I want to eat my fluffy pancakes."_

 _Meloetta pouted as she folded her arms, storming out of the house as she shouted, "You... miserable horse! I hope those pancakes do you in!" She then slammed the door, causing some glass to fall on the floor._

* * *

Munna flew back in and shouted, "FORESHADOWING!"

"GAH! How did you get back here so fast?!" Keldeo exclaimed.

"I went through and Ultra Wormhole," Munna said cheerfully.

Keldeo sighed and hung his head, saying, "Generation 7 is a crazy ride."

* * *

 _He then got out of his chair and went to get the maple syrup, coming back to the table, in his horror, to see the delicious, golden, fluffy pancakes missing. "What the!"_

* * *

"Now, of course, you might be thinking one of two things right now," Keldeo said, "One: Aria took the pancakes and the Keldeo should confront her. Or two: The Keldeo should just make another patch. Well, on either account, you'd be wrong. Instead, alternate me has a nervous breakdown."

Keldeo nodded solemnly and said, "No, really, he has a nervous breakdown."

* * *

 _Keldeo busted out of his house, looking around frantically for his delicious, golden, fluffy pancakes, which recently went missing. He screamed in agony as he ran around his house several times, trying to calm down as he fired off several bubbles in frustration. A lone female Purrlion noticed this approaching Keldeo, who kept running around._

 _"Hey mister. Hey... mister...! Hey! Hey you, pony boy!" The female Purrlion shouted as she tried catching his attention. "Hey!" She sighed as she rolled his eyes. "It always has to be these types of Pokemon, huh?" She dashed into Keldeo, using Fake Out on him._

 _Keldeo panted rapidly as his eyes shrunk, looking around frantically as all of his limbs shook. "Where are they? Where are my pancakes?"_

* * *

"What makes this work comedically is how much value he places on these pancakes, and for how long he goes on about them in such great detail!"

* * *

 _"NOT JUST ANY PANCAKES!" Keldeo exclaimed in Purrlion's face, knocking her back as he placed his front hooves on his face. "My prized pancakes... my fluffy, sweet flattened dough... missing!" He screamed as he fired a Water Pusle at the clear blue sky, shaking his entire body. "My wonderful breakfast is missing, and I have no idea where it has gone!"_

* * *

Keldeo tapped his chin with his left forehoof and said, "But, ya know, when you're writing a comedy, even a random comedy, it does help to have a straight man that can react to all the crazy stuff going on, as well as be a character the audience can relate to. Luckily, Purrloin is that character."

* * *

 _Purrlion got back on all four of her limbs, walking over to Keldeo and patting him on the head with her right front paw. "Calm down, Horn Boy. I'm sure you'll find your pancakes soon."_

* * *

"I like this character. While she's serious and slightly sarcastic, she's also a bit caring and sympathetic when she needs to be," Keldeo said with a warm smile.

"So, the other Keldeo, who I'm just gonna call Kel from now on, smells maple syrup to the north, so our tow heroes embark on the quest to retrieve the missing pancakes."

* * *

 _"Anyway, enough talk. Time to rescue my pancakes!" He took off, running around at the speed of sound as Purrlion held onto Keldeo's back tightly, trying not to fall off._

* * *

Victini flew in suddenly and shouted, "GET IT! SEASIDE HILL! RUNNING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND! GET IT!"

* * *

 _Keldeo and Purrlion were going through the generic meadows that Keldeo lived in, only for both of them to fall through a strange yellow warp portal that popped up underneath them, causing them to fall into it as it disappeared._

 _"Ahh!" Keldeo and Purrlion screamed as they fell through the completely yellow colored warp, with Purrlion holding on tightly to Keldeo, accidentally piercing him with her claws._

 _Keldeo and Purrlion exited the yellow warp, somehow ending up in the spring version of the Click Clock Wood, because nobody totally saw that coming. The two Pokemon landed in the smooth green grass that was in the entrance garden for the giant forested area surrounding the giant brown colored tree._

* * *

Keldeo burst out laughing so hard that he fell down onto his side.

"OH MY GOSH!" Keldeo shouted as he laughed hard. He composed himself, got back up, and said, "Okay, okay, so, you see, what happened here is that. . . they were following the scent of the maple syrup. . . we had a goal that we were pursuing. . .but then the story threw us a curveball and completely changed the course of the entire story! The syrup smell to the north? GONE! Just, completely gone! Forget it! All over! Click Clock Wood from _Banjo-Kazooie_? Sure! Why not?!"

Keldeo performed a backflip and shouted, " _THIS_ IS HOW YOU DO RANDOM FANFICTION!"

Keldeo calmed back down and said, "Well, anyway, while this story is random, it's not lazily written at all. The author puts a lot of detail in this story when describing the surroundings."

* * *

 _Purrlion giggled as she clapped her front paws together. "That's the spirit, Keldeo! Come on!" She dashed towards the brown platform near the green bramble fields to the west, with Keldeo following her as he ignored the bees buzzing around the beehive and the purple colored, green clothed Grumblin Hood walking by, with the orange colored snarebear plant watching both of the Pokemon go._

* * *

"We then get another moment of randomness that continues to show off how good this story is."

* * *

 _"That's a sight you don't see every day." Purrlion commented as she placed her front paws on her hips, standing up._

 _Keldeo nodded his head. "Yeah... four Piplup huddling together with red colored vacuums on their back... and three of them completely different colors!" He shook his head as he blinked in astonishment. "I recognize the blue one, but the other three are totally new..."_

 _The main blue colored Piplup tried going over to the strip of land containing Mumbo's Hut, but he was too afraid of landing in the dangerous bramble below. The yellow colored Piplup was crying his eyes out as he trembled about, his flippers on his face. The green colored Piplup fired off an array of different water type attacks at the bramble, following with attempting to suck it into his own Poltergust 5000, with the bramble only growing more as a result._

* * *

Keldeo nodded his head eagerly, "Okay, here's why this scene is so good. You see, at first glance, this whole thing seems crazy, pointless, and totally made up out of thin air. But take another look, and you'll realize that this is all a well woven rug of funny references! First off, the four Piplups in different colors is a reference to _The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords._ Second, the fact that four _Pokemon_ each have a Poltergust 5000 from _Luigi's Mansion_ while in a level from _Banjo-Kazooie. . ._ IT'S A TRIPLE CROSSOVER! Quadruple if you count _The Legend of Zelda_!"

Keldeo grinned and said, "And it's not just something we skim over! We get a glimpse of how each of the Piplup has their own personality and is each doing something different, so there's kind of a weird point to them being here."

* * *

 _Keldeo sighed as he shook his head, tapping Purrlion on the right shoulder as he moved upward. "Well, we'll let them deal with their little problem. Right now, we have to go find my pancakes."_

 _"You mean a_ _new batch_ _of pancakes," Purrlion corrected as she followed Keldeo, leaving the group of four Piplup to their own mishaps._

* * *

"But!" Keldeo said loudly, "We can't stay around here too long, or else the story would lose its randomness! We gotta keep going!"

Keldeo nodded and said with a smile, "So, then we wait seven years. . . . . . . . . . Seriously, we wait seven years. You see, this story actually went on a seven year hiatus with no updates whatsoever. It looked as though it had been abandoned. But suddenly, and without any warning, the final chapter appeared! Not only that, it actually gets meta!"

* * *

 _Keldeo sighed as he stopped in the summer section of the Click Clock Wood, with Purrlion looking down on him oddly._

 _"Say, what's the catch?" Purrlion stated as she began licking one of her paws. "Why do you look mopey?"_

 _"...You know, it feels like we've been in this forest for seven years." Keldeo commented as he used a water type attack in the air to give the heated forest some much needed moisture, with all the yellow foliage surrounding him getting a bit brighter as a result. "Maybe I should just forget about my pancakes."_

* * *

"The way Kel kinda leans on, but doesn't break, the fourth wall just fits in with the random, comedic tone of this fanfic!" Keldeo said happily, "And the Kel suddenly becomes all calm and logical after how crazy he was in the beginning fits in with all this as well."

* * *

 _"What?" Purrlion exclaimed as she slapped Keldeo across the face in an attempt to get some sense knocked into him. "You mean you're just going to turn face and not bother?"_

 _"Well frankly, yes because at this point the pancakes have gotten so stale, they probably don't even exist anymore," Keldeo calmly stated as he looked up, tilting back his head. "At some point, you just have to turn a blind eye to it. Does it really matter in the end?"_

* * *

"But wait!" Keldeo said dramatically, "Here comes the epic punchline of this entire fanfic! It turns out the one who stole Kel's pancakes and sent Kel and Purrloin on this crazy adventure was _Arceus_ the whole, entire time!"

* * *

 _"Sounds a bit edgy." Arceus stated as the Pokemon god was somehow eating pancakes, towering over the entire wooded area as he was bigger than everything except the center tree itself._

* * *

Munna flew in and shouted, "WHAT A TWIST!"

"Stop!" Keldeo shouted, "Are you trying to summon M. Night Shyamalan here?"

Suddenly, there was a burst of flames, and a man wearing Amon's mask and outfit from _The Legend of Kora_ appeared.

"AHHHHHHH!" Munna screamed as she flew away.

The man flipper and turned into Zorua, who snickered slyly as he watched Munna flee.

Keldeo just smiled and tossed Zorua a Pecha Berry.

* * *

 _Keldeo and Purrlion glanced up, then back at each other, before looking up at Arceus, the two quite shocked._

 _"...how long were you towering over us?" Keldeo asked as he began sweating nervously._

 _"Long enough for me to feel pity." Arceus explained as he nodded his head. "Since you were determined to get back your pancakes and failed to accomplish that... I'm going to do you a big solid."_

 _Keldeo wasn't sure what to make of as Arceus then used his godly Pokemon poer to teleport him and Purrlion out of the Click Clock Wood, with everything going by in a quick flash as Keldeo found himself back in his humble home somewhere in Unova that looked like but definitely was not Seaside Hill, the horse Pokemon turning around to see that he was surrounded by pancakes of all different sorts, much to his joy as he could finally enjoy the fluffy goodness that he had missed for so long._

* * *

"And it ends as randomly as it began!" Keldeo said with a grin, "And _happily_ at that! I love this fanfic! Sure, it's not like this incredible masterpiece with emotions and stuff. It's just some good, clean, random fun that anyone can enjoy. It just goes to show that even random fanfics can be good."

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _Sylveon Loves Cupcakes_ by Muffinypowers

 _Shrek (2001)_ by Dreamworks

 _Banjo-Kazooie_

 _The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords_

 _The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures_

 _Luigi's Mansion_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Avatar the Last Airbender_

 _The Legend of Kora_


	31. E9: Ideas For Pokken Tournament 2

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial Nine: Ideas for Pokken Tournament 2**

 **Thumbnail: Tin yURL ****y9boz858**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo greeted cheerfully.

Keldeo gained a look of nostalgia as he said casually, "Remember back when _Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3_ came out?"

* * *

 _ **ULTIMATE MARVEL VS. CAPCOM 3!**_

" _You NEED it!" Corporate Commander said as he gave a thumbs-up._

 _Suddenly, Angry Joe ran in and punched Corporate Commander down to the ground and started beating him up._

* * *

Keldeo gave an awkward smile and said, "Yeah, forcing people to re-buy a game they already own just to get new characters doesn't seem right. And, as you all know, it almost seemed like Nintendo had done something similar in the form of _Pokken Tournament DX._ This _'new'_ game adds in all of the fighters from the Japanese arcade version, as well as a few new ones. It also adds in a bunch of new Support Pokemon."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "Now, I can say without a doubt that _Pokken Tournament DX_ is NOT as bad as _Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3._ Why?"

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "Well, it has a lot to do with the not so good sales numbers of the Wii U. _Pokken Tournament_ is just one of a whole bunch of Wii U games that got ported onto the Nintendo Switch. _Pokken Tournament,_ along with _Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild_ , _Donkey Kong Country Returns:_ _Tropical Freeze, Mario Kart 8, Hyrule Warriors_ and a couple of others games I'm forgetting were packed with bonus content and rereleasedon the Nintendo Switch simply because of how poorly the Wii U sold. Matthais keeps telling me that the Wii U was great, but whatever. There's a great Nintendo fan named Arlo who did a video on the topic of Wii U ports on Switch, so feel free to check it out (TinyURL: y7t7lqdc)."

"Anyway, _DX_ not only has more characters, but also a Team Battle mode where you can create a 3 Pokemon team, and Daily Challenges too. The Switch really _does_ look a lot better than the Wii U, so it makes sense to bring _Pokken Tournament_ into the Switch's generation. Sure, some DLC for the Wii U version would've been nice, but there's no sense in living in the past."

Keldeo grinned widely and said, "Yeah, but come on, we _all_ wanna see a full sequel to this game, right? The best fighting games always get a whole bunch of sequels that surpass what game before. So, what should _Pokken Tournament 2_ look like?"

Keldeo thought to himself for a moment, then he answered, "Well, how about more like a _Tekken_ game!"

"I mean, seriously, why not! The game _was_ a _Tekken_ spin-off, after all! So why don't we just roll with and adapt all of the _Tekken_ tropes. Like, for instance, a massive roster of fighters! Pokemon is all about a wide variety of creatures, so why don't we embrace it here! _Tekken 7_ had 40 fighters, so that seems like a good number to shoot with Team Battle mode allowing players to make a team of three fighters, a large roster is pretty much essential to keep things from getting too boring or repetitive!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay, so here's the full roster for _DX:_ "

* * *

1\. Aegislash

2\. Blastoise

3\. Blaziken

4\. Braixen

5\. Chandelure

6\. Charizard

7\. Croagunk

8\. Darkrai

9\. Decidueye

10\. Empoleon

11\. Garchomp

12\. Gardevoir

13\. Gengar

14\. Lucario

15\. Machamp

16\. Mewtwo

17\. Pikachu

18\. Pikachu Libre

19\. Sceptile

20\. Scizor

21\. Shadow Mewtwo

22\. Suicune

23\. Weavile

* * *

Keldeo smiled eagerly and said, "There! 23 characters already! We're already more than half-way there!" Keldeo then gave a cocky smile as he said, "Plus, you might notice that some of the characters that I suggested in my _Top 11 Pokemon Who Should Be In Pokken Tournament_ editorial from Season Four (TinyURL: **y94fuawf** ) made the cut! So, if we add in the _rest_ of the characters I suggested:"

* * *

24\. Absol

25\. Meowth

26\. Zoroark

27\. Kangaskhan

28\. Sawk

29\. Throh

30\. Scyther

31\. Hawlucha

32\. Raikou

33\. Entei

34\. Greninja

* * *

"Woo-hoo! 34!" Keldeo cheered while performing a backflip, "Now, I suppose this _could_ be enough. . . but what the hay! Let's add in these Pokemon too:"

* * *

35\. Midday Form Lycanroc

36\. Midnight Form Lycanroc

37\. Incineroar

38\. Mimikyu

39\. Liepard

* * *

"Liepard was Matthais' idea, not mine!" Keldeo said quickly with a straight face. Then he relaxed and continued, "I'm sure there are other Pokemon that should be on the roster too, but I'll leave that up to you." Keldeo gave a confident wink after that, and he went on, "Oh yeah, and why not throw all of the other Pokemon who aren't fighters in as Support Pokemon! Let the player pick and choose whoever they want. Maybe even change it to 3 or 4 supports instead of just 2. It'll add another level of strategy to the game."

"Now, the second thing the game should take from _Tekken_ are the individual endings for all the fighters. Just to recap, the Tekken games feature a story mode where the character you pick is fighting through a tournament for some personal reason."

Keldeo grinned in admiration and said, "Now, that's what makes the _Tekken_ games so clever. Each and every character has their own reason for wanting to win the tournament. Therefore, when you clear story mode with a character, you get a special cutscene that shows what happens when the fighter you chose finally gets what they've been fighting for. The endings are _clearly_ the most beloved part of the _Tekken_ series, as they can range from super dramatic to ridiculously funny, as sometimes even after winning the tournament, things may not go as smoothly, or as happily, as how the character imagined."

"It would be just so awesome to see all of these Pokemon have their own little cutscene in high quality CGI animation where they finally achieved their goals. . . or _not_ depending on the tone of the ending. Sure, this might be a little tricky, seeing as the Pokemon aren't just fighting on their own, they have a Battle Trainer with them. But I'm sure with some clever writing we could get something that works. Like, maybe the scenario is that the previous Ferrum League Champion is retiring, and whoever wins the tournament becomes the new Champion. Sure, that's plain and simple, you're the player character, you're a blank slate. But the key wrinkle in this plot could be that the wining Pokemon gets _whatever_ his or her heart desires. The desires could range from heartfelt, passionate, honorable, selfish, greedy, gluttonous, the possibilities for great looking character endings are endless!"

Keldeo looked up thoughtfully and said, "Like, maybe one Pokemon wants a lifetime supply of Poke Puffs. Maybe one wants his or her own mansion. Maybe one wants his or her own TV show or talk show or movie at Pokestar Studios. Maybe another wants a private island in Alola. Maybe one wants to go on a date with a certain Pokemon. Maybe one wants to reunite with a family member, or even their child that got taken away from him or her as an egg. Seriously, there's a whole spectrum of reason for these Pokemon to fight, which would result in a whole spectrum of awesome Tekken-style ending cutscenes!"

Keldeo gasped and said excitedly, "Hey! Hey! I've got it! Post your ideas for character endings in the review section! Go wild! Make them as funny or as heartwarming as you want! Come on, I wanna see them!"

Keldeo calmed down a bit, and then he said, "Woo! Okay, that's it for the _Tekken_ aspects. Now for the _Pokemon_ side of things!"

"Now, I just talked about a story mode with different character endings. Well, I think we should go the _Smash Bros._ route and have two different campaigns. The mode with the unique character endings can be the _All-Star Mode,_ which gets unlocked after you complete the game's main story. This story will be more like the Ferrum League story mode from _Pokken Tournament,_ with the whole thing with Anne and Shadow Mewtwo and the Shadow Synergy Stone."

Keldeo frowned and said, "Oh yeah, and can I just mention that I felt the plot of _Pokken Tournament_ wasn't all that good. Seriously, the Anime has way better stories than _that!_ And Anne's character was seriously _flat._ Nia had better characterization than her! And that's really sad because the game gave us these really nice pieces of lore, like with Anne's people and the Shadow Synergy Stone, but it _never_ went into enough detail about these things, making the whole plot seem really shallow, and the characters really hard to care about. It never really felt like this was a high-stakes situation. It was just fight a bunch of trainers, then fight Shadow Mewtwo. If there had been cutscenes of Shadow Mewtwo laying waste to the Ferrum Region, then maybe I would've cared more. But instead, we kinda got nothing."

Keldeo gained a hopeful smile and said, "Now, the sequel could potentially fix that! Especially if we're given explorable hub worlds that our avatars can explore. Maybe we could actually take a look around Anne's home, not to mention all of the other places in Ferrum! We could even talk to some NPCs, kinda like in the XBOX version of _Sonic Unleashed,_ those hub worlds were awesome! We also need to see Anne return with Mewtwo by her side. That could really give her a chance to become more likeable and more interesting. We also need way more fully animated cutscenes, because those still images with text boxes on the bottom just don't cut it!"

Keldeo rubbed his forehead with his right forehoof and said, "Uggh! Seriously, it's like these writers have never heard of _'show don't tell'_!"

Keldeo put his hoof back down and continued, "Okay, as for the plot, well, maybe the Ferrum Tournament could get interrupted by, I don't know, _Team Rust_ or something. Having a villainous team could help draw in more Pokemon fans. This team could have somehow gathered together a huge army of Shadow Pokemon, and the player has to work with Anne and Nia to stop them and change all of the Shadow Pokemon back to normal. Maybe instead of creating a new team, we could see the return of Team Cipher from _Pokemon XD: Gale of Darkness._ Maybe there could be a revelation that Team Cipher somehow got their hands on one or more Shadow Synergy Stones and was secretly using them to control Shadow Lugia, and now they're somehow back in search of more 's a lot of potential here, so I hope the writers don't squander it."

Keldeo tapped his left forehoof and said, "Another thing I'd like to see in _Pokken Tournament 2_ is something like Pokemon-Amie and Pokemon Refresh. The lore of the Ferrum Region and its Synergy Stones makes the bond between Pokemon and Trainer stronger than ever, so it makes sense to be able feed your Pokemon new kinds of treats, pet them, groom them, and maybe even play fun minigames with them. It only seems fair."

"One last thing the game should have is its own line of Amiibo. These would be perfect for local game play. When playing _Pokken_ on a friend's console, that would usually mean using a Pokemon whose stats and level aren't trained to your liking. However, if you could save the data of a Pokemon you've trained on your console to the Amiibo, and then take it the Amiibo to a friend's house, then you could scan it there so you can use your own unique Pokemon right there."

A sudden idea suddenly came to Keldeo, and he said quickly, "Oh! I got one more idea! Special Boss Fights against Ultra Beasts, because why not? The Ultra Beasts are like nothing else in the Pokemon world, so why not do something impressive with them?"

Keldeo stood firm and said, " _Pokken Tournament_ is the biggest thing to ever happen to Pokemon! While there's nothing wrong with the turned based battle system of the mainstream Pokemon games, the ability to have Pokemon battle it out in real time where every second counts makes you feel like you're right in the middle of the Anime with Pokemon moves happening right in front of you in all of their glory!"

Keldeo backflipped and shouted, "AWESOME! I can't wait for _Pokken Tournament 2_! I'm Keldeo the Critic and. . ."

Keldeo's face fell into a frown and he said in dead seriousness, "They're gonna _PAY_ for cutting Roger Jr. out of Tekken 7! _**BISCUITS!**_ They could have at least told us what his ending cutscene would've been!"

Keldeo turned and walked off grouchily.

Victini flew over to Keldeo and said, "Hey, Keldeo! I know something that will take your mind off of Roger Jr. getting cut."

"What?" Keldeo asked grumpily as he walked, not even bothering to turn and look at Victini.

"How's the _Keldeo the Critic Movie_ coming along?" Victini said with a cheeky smile.

Keldeo stopped in his tracks and slowly turned his head towards Victini.

"Kidding! Kidding!" Victini shouted as he floated backwards and waved his hands, "Actually, I have a My Little Pony fanfic that you're gonna love to review!"

"Really?" Keldeo asked curiously.

"Yup! It's on FimFictionNet, and Matthais has already left a long review on it!" Victini said eagerly.

"Oh?" Keldeo said.

"And it's part of a very prestigious group!" Victini said excitedly.

Keldeo smiled and nodded his head, clearly sharing Victini's excitement. "Okay! That sounds great! What's the group called?"

" _Twilight Against Alicornhood!_ " Victini said cheerily with the biggest grin ever.

" _ **WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!**_ "

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3: Angry Rant! – AngryJoeShow_ (TinyURL: ya4sjysp)

 _In Defense of Ports on Switch - Arlo_ (TinyURL: y7t7lqdc)

 _Tekken 7 by Bandai Namco Entertainment_

 _FimFictionNet_

 _Twilight Against Alicornhood_ (TinyURL: ybtdl9vy)


	32. Resignation

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

"V-WHEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd shouted.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Ten: Resignation by Decimal**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL:** **y9et2tjd**

With an unenthusiastic frown, Keldeo grumbled out, "It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to."

Keldeo continued to frown, and he said in a very grumpy tone, " _Twilight Against Alicornhood._ A group of 135 individuals on FimFictionNet. However, this relatively small group is actually the result of a far bigger issue that probably still exists in the Brony fandom to this very day."

"Long before Twilight Sparkle became an Alicorn princess, many Bronies we're riding on the Tyrant Celestia bandwagon. They accused Princess Celestia of being a lazy ruler and a manipulative chess master who forced all of her problems on Twilight and her friends. Now, of course, seeing as most of these problems required the Elements of Harmony, something Celestia _could no longer use,_ I'd say that the Tyrant Celestia theory is total garbage."

Keldeo let out a loud groan and said, "And can we please all just agree that Twilight handled things in the worst possible way with the worst attitude and tone possible and destroyed her own credibility in _A Royal Canterlot Wedding Part One_!"

Keldeo shook his head sadly and said, "Well, anyway, when Twilight became an Alicorn princess in _Magical Mystery Cure,_ a hug percentage of the Brony fandom pretty much condemned it. The fact that the episode was _so rushed_ , instead of being a two partner like it should have been, only made it easier for people to get upset. Many Bronies accused Celestia of forcing Twilight into this, and others started panicking that Twilight was now immortal and would outlive her friends. Thankfully, the show eventually cleared up the immortality question through _The_ _Journal of the Two Sisters_ (TinyURL: ycjuedxr) _._ The book contained lore that revealed that Celestia and Luna are rejuvenated whenever they raise and lower the sun and moon, meaning Alicorns are not naturally immortal. Celestia and Luna simply get a Fountain of Youth effect from the sun and moon."

Keldeo gave the tiniest of grins and said, "However, fanfics about Twilight facing her immortality and the deaths of her friends can be very interesting with plenty of powerful emotions in them. There are actually plenty of good stories about that in _Twilight Against Alicornhood._ "

Keldeo's face fell into a frown and said, "Unfortunately, there are also plenty of stories here about Celestia being forceful and controlling. Seriously, I have so much respect for _The Firey Joker_ for writing his masterpiece of a fanfic _The Folly of Celestia._ It smashes all this Tyrant Celestia nonsense to atoms! Seriously, you all have to go read it (TinyURL: ycq84z69)!"

Keldeo's eyes narrowed and he said, "Anyway, the story I am going to review today isn't about Celestia manipulating Twilight, or about Twilight facing the problems with immortality. You see, there happens to be a third kind of Anti-Alicorn Princess Twilight fanfiction out there: the kind where Twilight just gets up and whines: _'Waaah! I don't wanna!'_ This is _Resignation_."

* * *

 _ **Resignation**_ _by Decimal_

 _ **1**_ _ **st**_ _ **December 2013**_

 _ **Slice of Life**_

 _Being a princess isn't all it's cracked up to be. Princess Twilight Sparkle finds this out for herself on the first day when her new title brings along things she would rather not deal with like politics, bureaucracy, stress, and most importantly, not being able to spend time with her friends._

* * *

"Okay, look," Keldeo began, sounding very tense, "Over the years, I've gone through a wide variety of emotions during my reviews. I've been happy, sad, frustrated, disappointed, terrified, and, of course, angry."

Keldeo stomped his right forehoof hard and said with a look of cold fury in his eyes, "But I can honestly say that the fanfic we are about to review today has made me _angrier_ than ever before! I've ready plenty of bad fanfics over the years, but I have _never_ gotten as angry about a fanfic as I am now. I know it sounds crazy that I'd be so upset over this particular fanfic, but this isn't the same as Fennekin wanting to take over the Kalos Region _**(1)**_ or Ash abandoning Pikachu because some Raichus were chasing them and then dying and getting reborn as a female Pokemon _**(2)**_. I mean, those stories were just hastily thrown together and were too dumb and insane to be taken seriously. But when Decimal wrote _this_ fanfic, you can tell that he really believed that the way he wrote Twilight was correct, and it just drives me crazy how anyone could turn such a determined, intelligent, confident, responsible, well written character into a little-!"

Keldeo lifted his left forehood and breathed in and out slowly. Then he said, "You know, I should really save all of the valid points I have ready for the review. So, let's just go and start pointing out all of the glaring flaws this story has to offer. Get ready to be ticked off, Twilight Sparkle fans, because this is _Resignation._ "

"So, the story starts out promising enough. It picks off right after the end of _Magical Mystery Cure,_ while also borrowing elements from _Princess Twilight Sparkle Part One,_ with Twilight flying around and landing, the Summer Sun Celebration, and Twilight saying goodbye to her friends for a week so she can start experiencing her new job as a member of Equestrian royalty."

* * *

 _She paced around the royal bedroom, checking over the list of things she needed to do._

 _"Attend the royal court, meet with the nobles, sign the official documents, discuss my new position with Princess Celestia… hmm, I thought there would be more on the list."_

 _She checked the back of the paper, and then looked around to see if she had gotten the wrong list. It seemed short. Clearly there was much more to be done here._

 _Her pacing stopped Spike from falling asleep. He merely dismissed the notion that the list was incomplete, or otherwise had errors._

 _"It's midnight, are you gonna sleep or not?"_

 _"But there might be things missing from the list! What if I forget something really important because I used the wrong list? Or if I did something that I was supposed to do later, but did it early? What if Princess Celestia was so disappointed in me that she banished me to the moon because I couldn't follow a simple to-do list!"_

 _Twilight's voice increased steadily in nervousness and pitch. When she looked to Spike for an answer, she saw him sleeping cozily. She was annoyed by how easily Spike had dismissed the problem and was about to lecture him on the importance of organization until she saw at the top of the list:_

 _ **To-do list: Day one**_

 _She took a deep breath and put the list on the table. She now felt silly that she has neglected such a simple thing, and was glad Spike was sleeping and couldn't see her mistake. Now with peace of mind, she climbed into bed and fell into a deep slumber._

* * *

For the first time in the review, Keldeo let out a full-blown smile. "A-ha! Now this is Twilight in perfect character. Obsessing over lists, panicking late at night, craving organization, and needing support from Spike. She's just like how she was in the show!"

Keldeo then got serious and said, "And NO! This doesn't mean Twilight would be a bad princess. It's the night before her first day, and this is a big deal. Of course, she's nervous. It might actually be worse if she _wasn't_ nervous! It shows that she understands the great responsibility she had, and that she knows she has to take things seriously."

"So, morning comes, and Twilight is served breakfast by a personal chef." Keldeo grinned and said, "Ooh, who _hasn't_ ever wanted one of those at least one time in their lives! Just hand him _The Redwall Cookbook_ and you're set for life!"

* * *

 _She took a seat and levitated a fork to take a bite of an exotic looking food roll. She chewed and the food tasted bland. She then tried some of the salad as well, but they tasted bitter, with a sour aftertaste._

 _The chef looked on nervously, expecting to be judged at any moment. His eyes shuffled between the food and the pony eating it._

 _Two of the foods she had eaten so far were not very tasteful. Twilight surveyed the rest of the food on the plate, looking for something she was more familiar with. She couldn't find any, and none of the other food looked particularly tasteful either, so she quickly excused herself from the table._

* * *

Keldeo blinked with a fake smile plastered over his face. He closed his eyes tightly and breathed in and out loudly and forcefully. His smile turned into a grimace, and he opened his eyes and said, "Okay. . . here we go. . . it's time for us to deal with all the bad stuff this fanfic has to over, starting with this scene right here."

Keldeo frowned and said, "Okay, Princess Twilight. . . First off, you just met this guy, so how is he supposed to know what your favorite foods are? You should've expected this. Second, why don't you just tell him the kind of foods you like to eat. I mean, you're the Princess, he's your personal chef. _He_ works for _you_. He _has_ to follow your orders and feed you whatever you like. Just make an order."

* * *

 _She then remembered to get breakfast for Spike, and went to one of the castle servants nearby._

 _"Bring some gems to Spike; he's in the royal bedroom."_

 _The servant quickly nodded and rushed off to get Spike his meal._

* * *

"Yeah, kinda like tha- WAIT A MINUTE, YOU JUST DID IT!" Keldeo shouted in wild-eyed shock, "You just made a meal request like it was nothing! Why didn't you just tell him to bring something _you_ liked? Why-?"

Keldeo suddenly sprayed himself in the face with water from his right forehoof and huffed and puffed a bit, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but there is so much to hate about this story. That being said, I should probably pace myself, because it only gets worse from here."

"So Twilight joins Celestia in the Royal Court to see ponies petition them." Keldeo sighed and said, "And here we see the next problem with this story."

* * *

 _Celestia soon arrived after and wordlessly took a seat on the throne. She looked in the direction of Twilight, who took it as a signal to take her place at Celestia's side._

 _Twilight watched the petitioners come and go. This had been going for an hour, and Celestia had rejected all of them. None of the things suggested by the petitioners were any good, and often took their money from taxes. They pattern seemed to repeat itself; farmers would come in asking for more rain and longer days, business owners would ask that taxes be lowered, poor ponies would ask for more welfare and social insurance and so on._

 _Twilight imagined herself sitting on the throne and talking to all these ponies. All of them proposed selfish and unreasonable ideas, while acting like they were about to bring about world peace. She couldn't imagine how much of a headache she would have dealing with all of them._

 _Perhaps it was something learned on the job, Twilight thought. Or maybe Celestia never learned to deal with it and had to suppress her desire to banish everypony to the moon._

 _Twilight spent several hours observing the court, as she would eventually be doing this as well. After watching from the sidelines, she very much disliked the idea of attending the royal court, with most of it stemming from the fact that all the petitioners were… stupid, as Rainbow Dash would put it. Twilight thought about it, and couldn't come up with any better words to describe them._

 _Three hours after the court began, it ended. It was actually more of a break, but Twilight wouldn't need to attend the second session._

* * *

Keldeo frowned with an irritated look on his face. "So. . . not _one_ pony had a valid petition? NOT _ONE_!? Are you kidding me? Decimal, you can't just make being a Princess as awful and pointless as possible in order to push your own agenda!" Keldeo shouted, "And besides, wouldn't this actually make being a Princess easier? If everypony in _aaaaaaalllllll_ of Equestria only has stupid ideas, then why not just sit on the throne and tune them out. Daydream about your favorite books or something while making sure to say 'no' whenever a pony stops talking."

"And what really gets me angry is that _Kuzco_ from _The Emperor's New School_ not only had the same problem as this, but _solved_ it! He had a little hourglass on his throne that would give each of his petitioners a few seconds to speak, then they had to leave. It kept the line moving and, by Kuzco's own admission, kept him from quitting years ago! Seriously, Twilight, this is not difficult!"

Keldeo sighed and said bluntly, "Well, after that, it's time to meet the nobles. Let me guess, they're all as racist as the elves from _The Elder Scrolls_ games."

* * *

 _"Princess Twilight; the government of Equestria are being polluted by lesser ponies. In the past twenty years, eleven earth ponies and twelve pegasi have joined the government. This cannot stand. Unicorns are the race of dignity and power, and have been the traditional rulers of the country for the past two thousand years. They should be the ones in control of the government. The infiltration by these lesser races is unacceptable! By allowing lesser races to join the government, the public image of Equestria has been tarnished! Other nations will look upon us as inferior, and we will be mocked by all. Princess Celestia had already denied this movement. Thus, I urge you do to something to stop earth ponies and pegasi from holding positions within the government."_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed hard, then he brought his hoof down hard and said, "Oh man, I was _expecting_ the _Canterlot Nobles Are All Unicorn Supremacist_ routine that ever My Little Pony fanfic writer loves to use here and it _still_ gets me mad! It doesn't even make sense! Twilight Sparkle is friends with two Earth Ponies and two Pegasi! This guy _has_ to know who the Elements of Harmony are! They were at Twilight coronation _and_ the Royal Wedding! They had a ceremony for when they defeated Discord! What kind of an idiot is this!? How did he expect to get away with this?"

Keldeo growled and said, "Alright, so what weak, pathetic response is Twilight gonna give so that the author can support his _'Twilight Sparkle would be a lousy Princess'_ opinion."

* * *

 _"First of all, there is nothing stating that unicorns are the race of dignity and power. That's just something they made up to feel good! Second, unicorns only made up most of the government in Equestria because they got there through power and threw everypony else out. And they make up most of the population in Canterlot, which is the head of the government. Thirdly, an earth pony or pegasus can do just as well as a unicorn can in politics, but aren't because everypony discriminates against them so much that nopony wants to give them a chance! Fourth, allowing earth ponies and pegasi would not 'tarnish' the image of Equestria. Having an all unicorn government would tarnish the image, because it would show how racist we are!"_

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped.

 _ **Mordecai and Rygby:**_ _"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_ _ **(3)**_

"That. . . was. . . AWESOME!" Keldeo shouted with eyes bright and shiny with joy, "That was prime Princess fodder right there! She took that racist guy down! Fatality! Oh man, oh man, that guy's gonna bow his head in shame and walk off with his tail between his legs!"

* * *

 _The noble spoke once more._

 _"You mean… you want non unicorns in the government?"_

 _The noble took a step back and regained his posture. "It seems Princess Celestia has made a poor choice as to who to make into a princess."_

* * *

Keldeo's eye twitched, and he said, "I'm sorry, I need to go knock out all of Kyurem's Cryogonal. Be right back."

Keldeo swiftly turned and left.

 _Later. . ._

Keldeo came back with patches of frost on his coat. "Whew, okay, I've defeated all of Kyurem Cryogonal. . . AND I'M STILL ENRAGED!" Keldeo shouted out suddenly as he changed into his Resolute Form. Stomping his hooves, Keldeo ranted, "How in the name of biscuits did Twilight's awesome counter argument that would make Phoenix Wright jealous not effect this guy? Twilight made this guy look like an idiot and showed how utterly wrong his point was, and he just acts like nothing happened? I mean, it makes no sense! And what is up with this line?:"

* * *

 _"It seems Princess Celestia has made a poor choice as to who to make into a princess."_

* * *

Keldeo turned back into his normal form and then slowly put a forehoof to his forehead, and he said, "Okay, so, from what I gather, what this line means is that this noble believes that if he had made that very same racist speech to Celestia, he would have gotten a more favorable reaction."

Keldeo put his hoof down and shouted, "WHAT!? That doesn't. . . I mean. . .I. . . UGH! That's _stupid!_ Celestia probably would have said the same thing Twilight said! Oh no, wait, _excuse me!_ Celestia wouldn't have given that whole speech that Twilight gave! Oh no! Celestia would've just rolled her eyes, said 'No', and told him to leave. I mean, is the noble bluffing? I hope he is, because if he isn't, he's out of his mind!"

* * *

 _Now, not only had the noble suggested massively racist policies, but he had insulted Princess Celestia as well. Twilight's face contorted into one of anger. Her right eye twitched slightly, and her horn began to glow black._

* * *

"And that's not how dark magic works!" Keldeo said accusingly, "In _The Crystal Empire,_ Twilight had to use a lot of effort and focus to create a stream of dark magic, and that was more imitation of Celestia than an actual dark magical spell. Besides, dark magic seems to be more about suffering and negativity and malice if Sombra is any indication. This doesn't even fit Twilight's character! Twilight was _angry_ in this scene, so Twilight's horn, and the rest of her body, would have turned fiery orange, like when she turned into Rapidash in _Feeling Pinkie Keen._ That's clearly her go-to form when she's incredibly enraged. NOT dark magic!"

* * *

 _The door to the meeting room slammed open, and Princess Celestia walked in._

 _"Perhaps we should all take a break."_

 _All of Twilight's rage dissipated immediately at the sound of Celestia's voice. Twilight bowed out of habit, then exited the room quickly and leaving Celestia to deal with the nobles._

* * *

Keldeo blinked in confusion, "Wait a minute, was Celestia eavesdropping? Well, Twilight is new, so I suppose she could use that kind of help."

Keldeo grinned, "Well, in that case, that noble is doomed! She heard everything that jerk said, and now he has to answer to it! Oh man, seeing the aftermath of this might make this fanfic tolerable!"

Keldeo frowned, "But, _of course_ , we _don't_ to see Celestia speak with that noble, so this fanfic continues to be one of the worst things I've ever experienced."

Keldeo smiled again and said, "But it's okay! Because next up is royal paperwork, and knowing how much Twilight loves organizing and lists and reading and stuff like that, I'm sure this is gonna be the high point of Twilight's day!"

* * *

 _"Greetings, Princess Twilight. These are the forms you need to fill out. You'll need to have Princess Celestia perform the final signatures."_

 _She was handed a stack of papers an inch tall. Had it been put in hardcover, it would have passed as a novel._

* * *

"This is canon," Keldeo said, "We see Celestia with a stack like this in the beginning of _The Crystal Empire- Part One._ "

* * *

 _Twilight groaned and sat at one of the desks and began on filling out the forms. She started with the basics, first and last name, place of residence, the normal stuff._

 _As expected, the forms required more and more specific and outrageous things. Things like dental records and magic capacity._

 _She was irritated by the paperwork. Three sheets would have been enough. She ran the process through her mind and thought it over. What do dental records have to do with being a princess? Or what about tail color?_

 _But again, she would only have to do this once. It's not like I have to do this every day, she thought._

 _She made another mental note that once she started actually doing stuff as a princess, she would make this process much easier._

* * *

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "There we go! That's more like it! I mean, come on, you're Twilight Sparkle! The mare who re -elves her books _The Sorcerer's Apprentice_ style, as seen in the beginning of _Secrets of My Excess._ "

* * *

 _When Twilight filled out one section in duplicate, she went to the last page of the section to find that she actually didn't have to do it and was supposed to give it to her parents to fill out._

 _Once again, her face became one of increasing rage. This time she had nopony to blame and nopony to take it out on._

 _She had to calm herself down, and took a deep breath. This felt like it was becoming routine. If it was, it was a very bad thing indeed._

 _Once she suppressed her anger, she pressed onward through the pile of paperwork._

* * *

"And here we go out of character _again_!" Keldeo said as he tossed up his hooves, "Twilight Sparkle is not supposed to get this angry this easily. There are only two things that can get Twilight Sparkle _this_ angry: evil villains and Pinkie Pie; or destruction and randomness. The racist noble doesn't count, because racism makes everyone who's not a fellow racist angry. _Of course_ , paperwork isn't _fun,_ but wait a minute. . . don't we see Twilight Sparkle writing long reports and doing hours and hours and hours of research during the show? This shouldn't be all that different. And shouldn't somepony of her intelligence notice the section for her parents _before_ she filled it out. Either gaining wings drained her intelligence or the Equestrian bureaucracy was put together by Discord himself!"

* * *

 _Twilight looked miserable. Even after brushing her hair and washing her face, her eyes still were bloodshot and there were bags under her eyes. Her mane was disheveled and several strands of hair stuck out._

* * *

"Yeah. Sure. Make it look as terrible as you possibly can. You wouldn't want anyone to question your opinion, now would you, Decimal," Keldeo said in a flat tone.

* * *

 _She went to Princess Celestia to perform the final signatures on the documents, as well as discussing a few things. However, Twilight was interrupted by a mailpony who handed her a letter._

 _"Princess Twilight? There's a letter for you from Ponyville."_

* * *

"And the mailpony is never given a name. It could have easily been Derpy and given this story at least one redeeming quality, but nope! Decimal is going all the way with this! It's all bad or nothing!" Keldeo said in a loud, angry sounding voice.

* * *

 _Twilight levitated the envelope over to herself and opened it, taking a look at the letter inside._

 _Dear Twilight,_

 _It's only been one day but we're already missing you. It probably won't get any better since you'll be gone for another six days. How are things in Canterlot? Ponyville got kinda boring without you. It's probably really great as a princess, having wings and a crown and stuff. We really wish we had wings and a shiny crown. Well, most of us do. Anyway, good luck with your princess training and stuff. Bring back something cool!_

 _-Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity_

* * *

Keldeo fell down to his knees so he could ruffle up his hair with his forehoof while growling. He then looked up and said, "Oh, _biscuits,_ not even this letter is right! I mean, it doesn't even really help Decimal's case here! First of all, the letter literally says that they'd like to be Alicorn Princesses, which kinda goes against the purpose of this fanfic. Second, the letter's too short, so it doesn't leave much of an impact of her friends needing her to come back to them. It doesn't really sound like they miss her very much if all they send is a postcard sized note."

Keldeo stood up and shouted, "Third, what pony wrote what part of the letter?! You took five characters and squeezed all of their thoughts and emotions into one short paragraph? Why couldn't you have just written five short paragraphs? It would've helped your argument! This is just so lazy!"

* * *

 _Twilight thought back to Ponyville and her friends. Her mind drifted to her friends, how she missed them and how they missed her. A single tear rolled down her cheek._

* * *

"Oh, come on! You got a new job! That's how life is!" Keldeo said in annoyance, "You will see them again in a week! 7 days! And- HEY WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT ABOUT SPIKE!?" Keldeo shouted in frustration, "He just. . . vanished from the story? Sure, he shows up later, but he doesn't _do_ anything important or meaningful! Isn't he supposed to be her faithful Number-One Assistant?"

 _ **April O'Neil:**_ _"Well, you failed miserably!"_ _ **(4)**_

"Yeah! Spike hasn't been helping Twilight at all! He's been slacking off big time! And she _needed_ him today! Shouldn't he have been fetching her. . . I don't know. . . water, coffee, energy drinks, _aspirin?_ I don't understand why someone as loyal to Twilight as Spike is shirking his-."

Keldeo's eyes suddenly lit up in realization and said, "Oh my gosh, wait a minute. . . The author _couldn't_ let Spike help out, because then Twilight might actually feel better about being a Princess, _and we can't have that in an anti-Alicorn Princess Twilight story, now can we?!"_

Keldeo hung his head and breathed in and out slowly. Then he lifted his head back up and said, "Okay then, so Twilight goes to Celestia, and as it turns out, Celestia isn't oblivious to the trouble Twilight is having and, _you'll never believe this,_ offers the solution to the entire problem."

* * *

 _"Is everything alright? Perhaps you should take a day off or two." Celestia urged._

* * *

"THERE! Right there! That's the answer!" Keldeo shouted excitedly, "If Twilight took a day or two to better prepare for her royal duties before jumping right into them, then things would work out better!"

Keldeo became thoughtful and said, "You know what this is like? This is just like when I went to battle Kyurem before I was ready. The Swords of Justice told me I needed to do more training and find my sword, but I went against them and challenged Kyurem anyway, _and he broke my horn off!_ That's what's happening to Twilight here! She's not ready, she's untrained, she hasn't been versed in politics and stuff like, so _of course_ she's failing. The only difference between Twilight's situation and mine is that Twilight wasn't even offered and training! This is like if the Swords of Justice told me to go ahead and fight Kyurem before I was ready, _of course_ I'd fail!"

Keldeo got serious and said, "So, you see, Decimal, this story doesn't prove Twilight can't handle being a Princess. What this shows is that Twilight needs TRAINING!"

* * *

 _Twilight sat still for a second. She debated internally._

 _One side of her mind argued that Celestia probably already had enough to deal with, and Twilight didn't want to bother her with any more. Complaining might also indicate that she can't handle being a princess._

 _On that thought, she entered another one. What if she really wasn't cut out to be a princess? But then again, she was personally selected by Princess Celestia. And Twilight couldn't just walk out on the Sun Goddess herself._

 _Another side of her mind argued that Twilight was doing an awful job as princess. On the first day, she had already broken down from stress, and this was just the learning part._

 _She also found the work frustrating. Not just because she failed at it. Even if she were to be able to successfully complete all these royal duties, it would still be frustrating. They would also take her away from where all her friends were, for long periods of time at once._

* * *

 _ **Kermit the Frog:**_ _"It's amazing. You are one-hundred percent wrong. I mean, nothing you've said has been right."_

"Surprise! I'm not gonna fly into a rage. . . yet," Keldeo said with his voice sounding irritable, "But I will take this stupid inner monologue apart. First, do you _really_ think Celestia and Luna, and perhaps even Cadence and Shining Armor, _don't_ ever complain about their jobs? Sure, this fanfic was written _way_ before _A Royal Problem_ aired, but what about the fanfic _A Slice of Life_ by Dawnscroll? And I'm positive there are other stories like that one which bring attention to the fact that _of course_ Celestia gets fed up with her drop on a regular basis!"

"Second, can we _please_ stop calling the Alicorns goddesses? They're only immortal because of the energy they get from the sun and moon, they didn't create anything, and there are plenty of characters in the show much stronger than they are _*cough*StarlightGlimmer*cough*_."

"Third, how exactly is Twilight doing an awful job here? She still did the jobs, even if she didn't enjoy them."

"Fourth, it's her first day, breaking down under the stress can be forgiven this time. Although that probably wouldn't have happened if she had gotten some actual _TRAINING_ before she started!"

"Fifth, I'm pretty sure things wouldn't be as frustrating if you made some changes! You just said earlier that you were gonna fix the problems with the paperwork! And why aren't you taking advantage of all the perks of being a Princess! I already addressed how you should've told the chef to make the foods you like, either that or have them imported from Ponyville or something. What about the restricted section of the royal library? What about the massive amount of money you have at your disposal? What about the access you have to every science lab and university in Equestria? Sure, the work is frustrating, but the rewards are worth it!"

Keldeo nodded and said seriously, "Being a Sword of Justice is hard work! I gotta train every day and patrol and stuff, but I'm a Sword of Justice!" Keldeo backflipped and landed with a smile on his face, "I'm a Legendary Pokemon! Everyone admires me and looks up to me, and I get to save people and Pokemon in trouble, and seeing the joyful looks on their faces alone is worth all the hard work. The point I'm making here is that even when the work is frustrating, if you get a big payoff for it, the frustration quickly goes away."

Keldeo frowned and said, "However, since Decimal is horribly biased, he simply decided to not show any of the perks and benefits of being a Princess at all! That's deceitful! I mean, let me show you all an example, a little reminder, of what Twilight stands to gain from being a princess, courtesy of my favorite My Little Pony fanfic of all time, _The Great Alicorn Hunt_ by RHJunior on the site Archive Of Our Own."

* * *

 _The bell on the front door of the bookstore jingled. The young mare at the counter looked up from her cheap paperback, her eyes half-lidded with disinterest, fully expecting another idle browser. Her eyes flew wide when she saw who it was. She spit out her chewing gum and hastily dropped into an awkward bow as Princess Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of the Element of Magic, strode majestically through the front door._

 _The counter clerk was forced to correct herself; the princess wasn't exactly striding. She seemed more to be... hopping. Skipping with glee, actually, with a big grin on her face as she looked all around the store. She looked for all the world like a filly on her first unsupervised trip to the candy store._

 _The counter filly got to her feet. "May I help you... your Highness?" she said nervously._

 _"Oh, yes!" Princess Sparkle leaned over the counter, resting her chin on her hooves. "You know, I used to shop at this very bookstore all the time when I was a student," she said conversationally. "I just had to stop by here. You see I'm going on an extended trip soon and I would like to stock up on some reading material."_

 _"Can I... fetch you something?" the counter mare said._

 _"Yes," Twilight Sparkle said. She suddenly started hopping in place. "Ooo I've always wanted to do this... I'll have one copy of each."_

 _"Uh, one of each of what?"_

 _Princess Sparkle looked out the door to the carriage still standing in the street. Her horn lit and a brass-trimmed chest floated in the door and settled on the counter. It popped open; it was filled to overflowing with bits._

 _"Everything! Eeeee!" Princess Twilight Sparkle, Bearer of the Element of Magic, co-ruler of Equestria and member of the newly minted Octarchy, started doing a gleeful hoofy-dance._

* * *

"I'm pretty sure _that_ opportunity alone would make being a princess way more appealing, and the work a little less overbearing," Keldeo said with certainty.

Keldeo stomped his right forehoof down hard and said, "And I'm _still_ not done! Sixth, Twilight is now ruling alongside Celestia and Luna. This means one of two things. One: each Princess gets one third of all the work. Or Two: Luna takes on half of the work and does it at night, leaving Twilight and Celestia to split the day equally, meaning they each get one fourth of the work. Either way, Twilight will _not_ have that much work to do. She'll still have plenty to time to be with her friends. And if she really is so worries about being away from them, she could easily just have the castle in the Everfree Forest restored and move in there!"

"And seventh, I actually have to explain all of this!" Keldeo shouted impatiently.

* * *

 _"I can't do it! I can't! How am I supposed to sit on a throne and find some way to deal with the petitioners without making myself seem like a jerk!? And the nobles! What am I supposed to do with them? One of them said that only unicorns should be allowed in the government! And all the other agreed with him too! And I can't just kick them out or anything. And there's so much paperwork! Four hundred pages on the first day? I can't do that every day. And that's just the first day. I'll be stuck in Canterlot for years, and won't be able to see my friends! They'll just think of me as some snooty noble who forgot all her friends, and they'll hate me, and—"_

* * *

 _ **Robin (from "Batman and Robin"):**_ _"Nye-neye-neye-nya-ney-eneya-neaye-nyae!"_ _ **(5)**_

Keldeo buried his face in his forehooves and groaned loudly. Then he uncovered his face and said, "This whole tirade is just that. A tirade. This isn't Twilight trying to careful phrase the problem is having, this is just complaining and throwing a tantrum because her job is too hard. Twilight Sparkle is not a whiner! _Rarity_ is the whiner!"

 _ **Rarity (In a whiney voice):**_ _"But I thought you wanted whining!"_

"Shut-up!" Keldeo shouted irately.

* * *

 _Celestia put a hoof on Twilight's shoulder._

 _"Your friends won't think of you so poorly so easily. Now, did you always feel this way?"_

 _"Well, I was sort of worried when you first made me a princess that I won't be able to see my friends anymore since I would be doing princess-y things. And I was also kind of worried about actually doing things, since I had no idea what I was supposed to do."_

* * *

Keldeo nodded his head slowly and said, "Well, okay, that's understandable. So, I guess all Celestia needs to do is explain to Twilight how this isn't the case and hire some ponies she trusts to teach Twilight how to properly do her job."

* * *

 _Celestia pondered for a moment in deep thought before speaking._

 _"Why did you never tell me about this?"_

 _"Well, I couldn't just walk out on you. I did all the things that you assigned to me before, and I didn't want to disappoint. So I just… accepted it and hoped it wouldn't be too hard."_

* * *

Keldeo nodded his head again, giving a small smile as he said, "Alright. So, now that Twilight has spoken up, Celestia can go back and make sure Twilight is better equipped for this grand opportunity life has blessed her with.'

* * *

 _"You can always share your worries with me, Twilight. It would seem I pushed this upon you, without any warning. I should also take part of the blame. In any case, you don't seem to enjoy being a princess very much. Would you like to go back to your normal life?"_

* * *

"OHHHHHH NO!" Keldeo shouted angrily, "You wouldn't _dare_ do a cop-out like _that_ , Decimal!"

* * *

 _Twilight sat motionless for several seconds before nodding._

 _"Very well then. Hold still…"_

 _Celestia stood up and charged up a spell. When she cast it, the room was filled with a blinding white light._

 _When the light faded, Twilight was at the center, but with one critical detail._

 _She no longer had wings._

 _Celestia spoke once more. "I'll clean up the paperwork and make sure you haven't left any loose ends untied. The next train for Ponyville leaves at eight next morning. The servants will bring your belongings."_

 _Twilight nodded wordlessly, and slowly walked out of the room._

* * *

"You just went against all of the rules and lore the show had!" Keldeo shouted incredulously, "Celestia did not turn Twilight into an Alicrorn. The Elements of Harmony did that! All Celestia did was enter the Alicorn dimension and sing a song while she watched Twilight transform. The magic clearly came from inside Twilight. Celestia did _not_ cast any spell of any kind on Twilight. If anything, the fact that Celestia can turn an Alicorn back into a normal pony is kinda disturbing. How many unknown Alicorns has she done this to before? Did she wipe their minds afterwards. Oh, great job, Decimal, now your story has Fridge Horror!"

* * *

 _When she arrived at her bedroom, Spike was eating from a large plate of gems._

* * *

"For the _entire_ day!?" Keldeo shouted, then he frowned and said, "Oh yeah, Decimal couldn't allow Spike to be involved or else Twilight probably wouldn't have wanted to quit. I almost forgot that little detail."

* * *

 _"Twilight! Your wings! They're gone!"_

 _"It's alright Spike. I quit being a princess."_

 _"What!?"_

 _"Turns out I wasn't cut out for it. I'll explain more once we get back to Ponyville."_

 _Spike raised one eyebrow in annoyance. He stood quietly for a few seconds, thinking of ways to respond. He knew that it would be hard or impossible to get Twilight to spill the beans, but that didn't keep him from thinking._

 _His mind then drifted to several possibilities as to why Twilight was no longer a princess. All of his theories involved her causing some sort of terrible accident and getting de-princessed by Celestia. Eventually he decided he could probably wait until they got back to Ponyville and climbed into his bed._

* * *

 _ **Slappy the Squirrel:**_ _"That was pointless."_

* * *

 _Twilight climbed in bed as well, with mixed thoughts in her mind. She still wasn't clear over whether it was right to quit after only one day,_

* * *

"It wasn't. End of story," Keldeo said flatly.

"Well, Twilight goes back to Ponyville, Spike mysteriously disappears from the story again, and Twilight meets up with her friends."

* * *

 _When they saw her, they all went silent and stared._

 _"…What?"_

 _It was Applejack who first broke the silence._

 _"Twilight! We all thought you'd be stayin' in Canterlot for a whole week… where'd your wings go?"_

 _Twilight looked around nervously. Now she would have to explain why she was no longer a princess. She went over it in her mind and began._

 _" Well, it didn't go so well. I watched Princess Celestia attend the royal court. I didn't have to do anything, but just watching it gave me an idea of what I would be doing. A lot of them just said a bunch of stuff that would benefit them and nopony else. Then Princess Celestia had to let them off gently so she didn't look bad. For every single one of them._

 _"And then I had to deal with the nobles. I thought that they would be better since they were nobles, but it was even worse! One of them said only unicorns should be allowed into the government, 'cause only they were strong and having anypony else would make them look bad. And I think all the others agreed with him. I got so upset I also almost did something really bad with my magic._

 _"Then I had to deal with the paperwork. It took four hours. And it was only the first day, and only just me finalizing my status as princess. If that was bad, then I can't even imagine what would come after that._

* * *

"That was all only one day," Keldeo complained, "Maybe it was just a bad day? Maybe the other days would've gone better? And maybe the paperwork was just a one-time thing? If it was just for finalizing her Princess status, it probably _was_ a one-time thing. Maybe after that the paperwork would have been a bit lighter, only rarely becoming huge. I really think this story could've been a bit less aggravating if Twilight had gone through the whole week and not just one day. If only to make it seem slightly more believable."

* * *

 _Rarity looked like she was about to say something to Twilight when she was cut off by Fluttershy._

 _"Well, I think you did the right thing. Nopony else should be able to tell you what you want to be, and you should decide for yourself."_

 _Everypony looked at Fluttershy who was now realizing she was the center of attention. She lowered her head and blushed. Rarity took the attention from her quickly enough._

 _"Well, I was going to say otherwise, but Fluttershy makes a good point. You shouldn't abandon your own goals for something greater that you don't actually want, but everypony else thinks you should want."_

* * *

"Yes," Keldeo said with a sigh, "That's a good moral. The problem is that the story that Decimal wrote not only fails to convey it properly, but has to make characters act out of character and twist and situation in order to attempt to convey it here. Oh, and speaking of moral, we have to end with the obligatory letter to Celestia to convey that we've gone back to the status quo and no one has grown up or changed at all.

* * *

 _Dear Princess Celestia,_

 _Today I learned that I shouldn't let other ponies make my life decisions for me. I learned that after I tried my hoof at being a princess, but wasn't able to do it right. If I was going to be a princess, I should have chosen to be a princess, rather than be chosen. I also learned that I should decide my own destiny and not just 'go with the flow'. Doing that can cause somepony to end up being something they don't really want to be just because life sticks them with it. I especially learned that I should never give up something that I love, like my friends, for that something that life sticks me with, even if it's something really good._

 _Your Faithful Student_

 _Twilight Sparkle_

* * *

"Okay, look," Keldeo said as he stood up straight and did his best to appear as sincere and understanding as possible, "That's what the _letter_ says, okay. That is _just_ what the letter says, and I can get behind what it's saying. The only problem is that the actual story _does not_ line up with the letter or the moral. If you take the events of the story by themselves, without any of the characters saying the moral or this letter at the end spelling the moral out, all I get from this story is. . . . I guess. . ."

Keldeo mulled over it for a bit, saying hmm and nodding his head. Then he finally said, "Twilight gave up, she's _glad_ she gave up, and giving up is a smart choice whenever the going gets tough."

Keldeo stood smiling quietly, nodding his head a bit. Then he suddenly exploded in anger, yelling, "NO!"

Keldeo turned back into his Resolute Form, powered up his Secret Sword, and used it to write "NO!" in midair.

"NOOOOOOO!" Keldeo shouted furiously, and then he slashed at the glowing phrase with his Secret Sword to shatter it. He powered his Secret Sword down and shouted, "If something seems too hard at first, you try attacking it at different angles in different ways before you admit defeat! YOU _DON'T_ QUIT AT THE FIRST SIGN OF DIFFICULTY! _DECIMAL, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?_ "

Keldeo calmed down slightly and said, "Sure, not everyone is able to handle to every job, sometimes people get put in roles they never really wanted. But you can't figure that out if you don't even try it! When you're put in a difficult role, you owe it to yourself to explore the opportunity and actually try to get better. If it still doesn't feel right or doesn't feel worth it or makes you miserable, _then_ you can make the call to walk away."

Keldeo stomped his hooves and said, "Twilight never even _tried_ to get better at being a princess! Celestia never even tried to teach her! Neither of them learned that you're supposed to. . . _LEARN!_ Not only that, Twilight could have easily made things easier for herself, but instead of doing that, she just whined and gave up! You know how I nearly chickened out and let Ash and Pikachu save the Swords of Justice from Kyurem in my movie? Well, if Twilight were in my place, _she wouldn't have come back to face Kyurem!_ Think about it! Twilight _never_ tried to get better in this fanfic!"

"Selfish petitioners make dumb suggestions? Cut 'em off after 10 seconds of nonsense and escort them out of the room. Nobles make racist speeches? Call them out on their bigotry and expose their views to all of Equestria via newspaper expose. Stacks and stacks of paper work? Organize them and push for reform and efficiency so whatever took 5 pages only takes 1. Twilight could have done so much, and she would have gained so much from being a princess. But instead she did NOTHING, and she got NOTHING! And this entire fanfic _is_ NOTHING but _Twilight Against Alicornhood **PROPAGANDA!**_ "

Keldeo looked sad as he said, "And what makes it worse is that the story actually has good moral pasted onto it. The problem is that the story doesn't fit the moral at all. But the worst part is that Decimal took an intelligent, capable, logical character and turned into a whining abdicator!"

Keldeo stomped off, shouting, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I need to wash this rotten fanfic out of my brain with _The Great Alicorn Hunt_ by RHJunior!"

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 _(1) Fennekin of evil_ by arvinsharifzadeh

 _(2) Goodbye Pikachu, I'll miss you by TheShinyEevee_

 _(3) Regular Show_

 _(4) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)_

 _(5) Nostalgia Critic- Robin Whining_ (TinyURL: yaqdpazd)

 _ **Miscellaneous References**_

 _FimFictionNet_

 _Twilight Against Alicornhood_

 _The Redwall Cookbook_ by Brian Jacques

 _The Emperor's New School- S01E10: Peasant For a Day_

 _The Elder Scrolls_ by Bethesda

 _The Journal of the Two Sisters_ (TinyURL: ycjuedxr)

 _The Great Muppet Caper (1981)_

 _A Slice of Life_ by Dawnscroll

 _The Great Alicorn Hunt_ by RHJunior

Archive Of Our Own

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Odd Life of Timothy Green_


	33. E10: XY059- Under the Pledging Tree!

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial Ten: Is** _ **Under the Pledging Tree**_ **a Christmas Special?**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL: yco7f4h4**

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic, wishing you all a very merry Christmas In July!" (TinyURL: q4qkpl4) Keldeo announced merrily, "And my gift to you is a special, exclusive, Christmas in July Editorial about a certain episode of the Pokemon X and Y anime."

"On December 11, 1999, we got our very first Pokemon Christmas Special, _Holiday Hi-Jynx._ It tells the story of Ash, Misty, and Brock helping one of Santa Claus' Jynx get back to the North Pole, while also stopping Team Rocket from ruining Christmas."

"SANTA CLAUS BLEW TEAM ROCKET UP! SANTA BLOWS PEOPLE UP! AAAHHHH!" shouted Zorua from off-screen.

Keldeo sighed and tossed a Pecha Berry in the direction of the voice. Refocusing, Keldeo went on, "Yeah, it really wasn't the best of Christmas Specials, but I suppose there are worse ones. . ."

Floyd jumped in, playing his guitar and singing, _"Grandma got run over by a reindeer!"_

Keldeo didn't miss a beat as he sprayed Hydro Pump from his front left hoof, blasting the Pichu away. Then he continued, "After that, we got three Christmas themed Pikachu Shorts: _Christmas Night_ , _Stantler's Little Helpers_ , and _Delibird's Dilemma._ And after that final Pikachu Short in on June 17, 2006. . ." Keldeo gave a sad frown, ". . . that was it. The writers just . . . stopped. We never got another Pokemon Christmas Special again."

Keldeo suddenly grinned slyly and said, "Or did we?"

Still smiling, Keldeo continued, "What if I told you that there was a fifth Pokemon Christmas Special. One that aired right in the middle of _Pokemon XY The Series._ It's episode _XY059: Under the Pledging Tree!_ "

Keldeo became thoughtful and said, "But here's the thing. Whether or not this is actually a Christmas Special is. . . _debatable_. To see why, let's do a quick run through of it."

"SPOILERS!" Zorua shouted as he ran by.

"Ash has just won the Plant Badge from Ramos, and Serena finally registers for the Pokemon Showcase. After the theme song plays, our heroes find that Coumarine City is having a festival. Ramos explains that the festival is in honor of a man who went on a journey with his Skiddo and then gave the Pokemon a little tree as a gift. This tree then grew into the _insanely enormous_ tree the Coumarine City Gym is located in, and is now called the Pledging Tree because it was, in a sense, a solemn pledge of the bond between the man and his Pokemon. So, every year, Trainers gather around the giant tree to give presents to their Pokemon.

"Our heroes are happy to join in, and they all make plans. Ash and Serena go off the get their gifts, Bonnie looks after all of the Pokemon so they can be surprised by their gifts, and Clemont decides to invent a gift that won't explode. Being alone with Ash makes Serena wonder if they're on a date, and Team Rocket spies on them, planning to channel their inner Grinch by stealing all of the presents and Pokemon later.

"Ash can't seem to find anything besides some off-the-wall ridiculous gifts. . ." Keldeo frowned and said in bewilderment, "Seriously, Ash. A giant face? Come on." Keldeo shook it off and continued, "Anyway, the two end up splitting up, much to Serena's dismay. However, Serena manages to find gifts for Fennekin and Pancham, and also stops to admire a dress and dreams of wearing one like it for the showcase.

"As the episode moves on, we start to see that things are going a little wrong for Bonnie and Ash. Bonnie has her hands full with all the Pokemon who are either fighting or need attention, and Ash has to deal with pushy salesmen and just can't find anything right for his Pokemon. Ash does manage to win a long length of blue ribbon for being the millionth monorail rider, but that does little to cheer him up. Luckily, Serena explains to Ash that his Pokemon would love anything he gave them and suggests that he think of what he would like to get. This inspires Ash, and he runs off to get his gift. Things also improve for Bonnie, as Clemont tells her that even though she isn't a Trainer, she can still give the Pokemon a present. So, Bonnie has everyone gather together so she can draw a very nice-looking portrait of them. Seriously, it's a very nice looking picture for a little kid.

"Meanwhile, Ash goes into the woods to gather his gift, a huge sack of berries. He ends up missing out on catching a Dunsprace, but he toughs it out and focuses on getting enough berries for his gift. Soon enough, it's time for the Pledging Tree Ceremony, and everyone places their gifts under the huge tree. Team Rocket tries to steal all the gifts, _of course,_ but are quickly blasted off again, and Ramos lights up the tree. Everyone gives their gifts, and all of the Pokemon are happy. Even Jessie and James give all of their Pokemon gifts to show how much they appreciate them. Then the episode ends with Serena finding a gift from her mom under the tree as well, and it turns out to be a dress to wear for her showcase. Ash even gives her the blue ribbon she won to use in her showcase as well. And. . . yeah, that's about it."

Keldeo nodded thoughtfully and said, "So. . . is this a Christmas Special?"

Keldeo smiled and explained confidentially, "Well, first of all, just because a show doesn't call a holiday Christmas doesn't mean it isn't meant to be a Christmas Special. If it has the imagery and themes of Christmas in it, that's enough to get the point across that this is supposed to represent Christmas in the world of the audience."

"For instance, _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ has Hearths Warming Eve, which really has nothing to do with the origins of Christmas. However, Hearths Warming Eve episodes are always filled with imagery that is normally associated with Christmas, such as snow, bells, lights, decorated trees, candy canes, presents, and stuff like that. Hearths Warming Eve also has the themes of generosity, goodwill towards others, and selfless giving."

" _Under the Pledging_ doesn't have snow, but it _does_ have plenty of presents, lights, and decorations. Not to mention the fact that the Pledging Tree itself is really just an enormous Christmas Tree! There's even a point in the episode where the soundtrack has jingling bells in it. And of course, the whole point of the festival is to give a gift to someone you care about."

Keldeo pouted a bit and said, "You know, explaining it this way really isn't working all that well. And besides, anyone could argue that Equestria doesn't have Christmas, so Hearths Warming Eve is clearly a stand in for it; but the Pokemon world has been established to already have Christmas, so this whole Pledging Tree business seems a little redundant."

Keldeo nodded slowly and said, "Well, yeah, that _is_ a good argument. But I really don't think this whole thing is black and white. You see, when you really look at this episode closely, you may find that is had quite a bit in common with one of the most famous Christmas Specials of all time: _A Charlie Brown Christmas._ "

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "Just wait, and let me explain."

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "You see, Charlie Brown and Ash, and Bonnie to a lesser extent, had something in common. They both didn't really understand what the holiday they were celebrating was _really_ about. They both tried to get into the holiday spirit, only to be met with trouble and obstacles. Charlie Brown couldn't direct the Christmas play, and Ash couldn't find the right gifts for his Pokemon. Both of them also faced commercialism too. Charlie Brown had to deal with Snoopy's lights and display contest dreams, Sally's greedy desire for money from Santa Clause, and that huge lot filled with crazy looking modern Christmas trees. Ash got nearly buried by a huge pile of expensive gifts by a greedy salesman who seemed more concerned with unloading a bunch of stuff on Ash than helping a Trainer find gifts for his Pokemon."

Keldeo became somber and said, "In both cases, our heroes found themselves in kind of a depressing place. Both of them felt that they didn't know what the holiday was all about, that they just couldn't celebrate it the right way, and that they were failures because of it. Even Bonnie got a little sad about not being able to give a gift."

Keldeo smiled warmly and continued, "Luckily, both Linus and Serena were able to clear up the confusion their friends were in and reveal to them what the holiday was really about. Of course, Linus was far more literal about it, quoting the Bible passage about the birth of Christ. However, when you look at the _actions_ of Charlie Brown, Ash, and Bonnie too; you'll find that the messages that they received are _one in the same_."

Keldeo's voice got excited as he continued, "The babe wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in a manger is more than just an infant! What that baby represents is the salvation of the entire world! What Charlie Brown and Ash both realize is that Christmas, or the Pledging Tree Festival, isn't about the size or material value of things; it's about what those things represent and the effort and emotions that went into them. A lot of comedies have characters use the saying _'it's the thought that counts'_ as an excuse for giving a cheap or lame gift; like in _Teen Titans GO!_ when Robin gave Cyborg a cup of soda he just drank out of for a birthday present. But it should be pretty obvious that the character _didn't_ put any thought or effort into that cheap or lame gift at all! But when someone does put a lot thought and effort into something, well, it just kinda _feels_ right. And _that_ feeling is a tell-tale sign of Christmas. Whether it be Charlie Brown's shabby little Christmas tree that became beautiful, Ash's sack full of berries, or even Bonnie's crayon portrait of all her Pokemon friends; if something has enough effort, thoughtfulness, and love put into it, it can become the most valuable thing in the world."

Keldeo nodded his head slowly, and he said with a smile, "Well, I don't know about you, but after looking at it _this_ way, I truly feel that _Under the Pledging Tree_ is the best Christmas Special the Pokemon Anime has ever made."

Keldeo flashed a wide grin and added, "I mean, hey! It made Team Rocket's hearts all grow three sizes, didn't it! I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Wikipedia- Christmas in July_ (TinyURL: q4qkpl4)

 _Bulbapedia_

 _Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (2000)_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic – Season 2 Episode 11: Hearths Warming Eve_

 _A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)_

 _Teen Titans GO! – Season 1 Episode 2: Pie Bros_


	34. Liberty Garden Volume 1

_**BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

"V-WHEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd shouted.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Eleven: Liberty Garden Volume 1 by Virizion 2.6**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerfully, "And this review is actually a special review that was requested of me by the author of the fanfic I'm reviewing!"

Keldeo grinned happily as he continued, "The author _also_ happens to be the one behind Meloetta's review series _Meloetta the Chick._ Speaking of which, don't go in inspecting it to be just like the _Nostalgia Chick,_ there's a lot more to Meloetta's show. There's plenty of side characters and stuff, trust me, you'll enjoy it. So, check it out when you get a chance!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Anyway, let's focus on today's review. It focuses on a very special location in the Unova region: Liberty Garden."

Victini flew in and said happily, "Where humans and Pokemon live free!"

* * *

 _ **Liberty Garden Volume 1**_

 _ **By Virizion 2.6**_

 _Liberty Garden, a small island full of big opportunities. An island where trainers and pokémon gather to make friends, train, learn, and just to have fun in general. But the island is also home to the Garden Defenders, powerful warriors dedicated to protect those in need. Getting an invite here is next to impossible, but one young boy did. And he was greeted with a big opportunity._

 _Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 14,813 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: Jul 17 - Published: Nov 10, 2017 - Entei, Victini, Virizion, Diancie_

* * *

"This fanfic is still in progress, but Virizion 2.6 wanted me to see how it's doing," Keldeo said, "Now, I'm going into this completely blind. I'm not sure what to expect from this, but Adventure and Humor are two things Virizion 2.6 is especially good at, so I have high hopes for this story."

Victini leaned on Keldeo and said, "You know, Keldeo, you don't really have to even read this story. Just give it 5 stars and be done with it! It has the awesomeness of Liberty Garden and _me_ in it! It couldn't possibly _not_ be awesome!"

Keldeo gently nudged Victini off of him and said, "Alright, Victini, I know you're excited. But I have a job to do, so try to contain yourself. This is _Liberty Garden Volume 1._ "

"Our story begins from the perspective of our 15-year-old main character, who has just been invited to Liberty Garden."

* * *

 _How on earth was I able to get an invite? I don't even care about going anyway, yet I got an invite to this place. Just….how? I was at a loss for words when I learned this. I never even thought about going here, or cared to go. I was just….just a "normal" human being._

 _Liberty Garden….the place where not just strong pokémon and pokémon trainers can go, but also powerful warriors called the Garden Defenders. Why was I invited-_

* * *

 _ **"EX – PO – SI – TION! EX – PO – SI – TION! SPELL – IT – OUT! AS – AP!"**_ Munna and Keldeo sang.

* * *

 _On the boat was a boy, assumingly fifteen years old, was on the front of the boat, with a few other pokémon behind him. Those pokémon were a Lucario, Zoroark, shiny Keldeo, Genesect, Victini, and Meloetta._

 _The boy himself however, he had on a green trench coat with a white shirt underneath. He wore black pants with a belt around his waist, white gloves, green shoes with a grey sole, and a black hat with a purple colored feather attached to it. He had red eyes, short green hair, and a grey pointed line across his eyes. He also had a sword hanging on his back. The sword was a green falchion, with the guard in the shape of the legendary Virizion's head, the fuller being black and the blade itself was green._

* * *

Keldeo sighed and rubbed his face with his right fetlock. "Oh boy, it's a self-insert fanfic," Keldeo muttered.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Victini shouted as he shook a finger at Keldeo, "This fanfic is awesome! It has me in it!"

Keldeo put his leg back down and said, "Hold on! Relax! I'm not saying it's not good. I'm just saying that fanfics where the author is the main character often fall into certain traps. For instance, the author character usually has a wild design. I mean, come on, he's literally one of the Three Musketeers with green hair! _Green hair!_ "

 _ **Rarity:**_ _"Ugh, no. Green hair! Not green hair! Such an awful, awful color!"_

"The author also usually has special skills and powers, and I'm positive that we're gonna see some wild skills involving that . . . green sword with Virizion's head on it? Huh?" Keldeo said incredulously, "Where did he even get that sword from? Did some Poke Maniac make it for him, or is there some kind of mail order service that makes weapons based on various Pokemon? I don't know, but I'm seriously getting a Eusine vibe from how clearly obsessed he is with Virizion. In fact, I'd bet that even Eusine would be like:"

 _ **Eusine:**_ _"Woah sir. You might have an obsession."_

 _ **Suicune:**_ _"You Mystifying hypocrite!"_

 _ **Eusine:**_ _"SUICUNE!"_

 _ **Suicune:**_ _"Oh crud!"_

Victini pouted and said, "If you hate this fanfic, then you have to hate Jack Storm 448's fanfics too!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Will you wait a minute, Victini! I was just about to bring up how Jack Storm 448 uses a self-insert in his _Rising Storm_ fanfics. You see, it takes a lot of skill and knowledge of good characterization to pull it off properly. While Jack in the fanfics is ridiculously overpowered with all these wild abilities, he's more or less a normal looking person and super likeable. Jack is also flawed in a relatable sense without being depressed and brooding or overly humble and unconfident. He has fears and doubts but is still very aware of how special he is. It also helps that his friends, both human and Pokemon, constantly support him while also occasionally being supported by him."

Keldeo smiled and said, "What I'm trying to say here, is that if Virizion 2.6 can follow Jack Storm 448's example, then we might be in store for a story that's truly amazing. Yes, Virizion's outfit is strange, but Jack started out wearing robes until he changed into normal human clothes, so nothing has been set in stone just yet."

* * *

 _The boy caught sight of an island in the distance with a tall lighthouse being the first building to be seen on the island. There were some pokémon and other humans there, but there were also some….others there as well. For instance, the boy saw one pokémon, a Tyranitar, change form into a more humanoid appearance. Apparently there were some "special" pokémon there as well._

* * *

Keldeo quickly turned and ran off as fast as he could. Victini gasped and flew after him like a rocket, and the sound of fighting could be heard mingled with Keldeo's pleading cries of desperation.

 _ **10 minutes later. . .**_

Keldeo stood back on the rock platform with his mane messed up while Victini floated right next to him with his arms folded and a frown on his face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Keldeo said with a frown, "But I _really_ don't like Pokemon Gijinka. That's when Pokemon are changed into a more human-like form. Look, if you like Pokemon Gijinka, that's fine. I don't have anything against you and you are free to like Gijinka art as much as you want. But as for me, well, I've always found it creepy. Like. . . . _really_ creepy."

Keldeo's eyes widened as his whole body shuddered a bit. Then he shook it off and said, "Alright. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. So, we got one Gijinka Tyranitar. Okay, that's fine. Maybe this story won't be focusing on them. How about we focus on our main character instead."

* * *

 _"Guys, we just arrived and you already are excited?" The boy asked, crossing his arms._

 _"Oh come on Viri. Can you blame us? We were invited to this place after all," the Lucario reminded, smiling._

 _"First of all, I was invited. Not you. Second, I was given a choice to bring you all here, and I decided to bring you here anyway after you all begged me. And third, I don't trust you guys alone in this place. You all know this place is sacred," the boy scolded._

 _"Yeah yeah, we know. But come on? This is Liberty Garden for crying out loud. This place has some very unique things here, like rare plants, awesome people, dorms you can call home, awesome people, epic battles, and did I mention awesome people?" The Zoroark asked in a joking tone._

 _"Anthony? Zip it. We all know," the boy sighed, "But do I look like I fit in here?"_

 _"Yes!" The six pokémon all said in union._

 _"How?" He asked._

 _"How? Look at you. You're fast like hell, you hold a powerful sword, and you're fifteen. You have all of this awesome power and you're freaking fifteen. I think that's enough said," the Genesect listed._

* * *

"Why are you _already_ repeating jokes?" Keldeo asked in dismay, "At the very least make it so that the _same_ character does the _same_ joke if you're gonna repeat jokes anyway. Sure, make the Zoroark be the one who always repeats himself when he makes a list. That turns a joke into a character trait and that's clever. But if Genesect is repeating himself too, then what's the point?"

"So then our oddly dressed main character meets an oddly dressed supporting character!"

* * *

 _The girl had an interesting appearance. She had yellow hair tied up in a ponytail with a large light blue bow, tan skin, red eyes, and was a bit tall. She was wearing a dark blue jacket, underneath was a light blue shirt with a yellow heart printed on, blue shorts with a yellow cape belt around her waist, dark blue knee socks, and light blue shoes with yellow frills._

 _Virizion cleared his throat. "Y-Yeah. I am. And you are?"_

 _"Oh!" The girl facepalmed. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be rude. My name's Static. I was told that you would be arriving here."_

* * *

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Okay, I'm sorry, but this both looks and sounds like someone's Avatar character from _Sonic Forces._ "

 _ **Infinite:**_ _"The strong are meant to dominate the weak. You only have your own frailty to-."_

 _ **POW!**_

 _A yellow wolf wearing a blue t-shirt with a yellow heart on it jumped up and punched Infinite to the ground._

 _ **Static the Wolf:**_ _"Either do something that's actually impressive or shut-up, you edgelord poser!"_

* * *

 _Virizion turned around and sees Anthony and the others behind him as they waved at Static. "Oh them? They are just my pokémon. The invite said I can bring anyone I want. And they all wanted to come here, so I thought why not? And the Lucario is Ian, the Zoroark is Anthony, the shiny Keldeo is Lazercorn, the Genesect is Jovenshire, or Joven, the Victini with the orange hoodie is Sohinki, and the Meloetta is Wesley, or Wes for short."_

* * *

"So, it's just _Pokemosh_!" Keldeo said with an exaggerated shrug, "I mean, sure, I _like Pokemosh,_ I think it's a good idea, I love the character dynamic between Ian, Anthony, and the rest, and I _really_ like the absurd situations and fun games the character play _because_ of how well the characters interact. I just don't see how they could fit in a setting like this."

* * *

 _"Oh! Well, the headmaster told me you'd be arriving here and give you a tour. I'm assuming this is your first time coming to Liberty Garden?" Static asked._

 _"Yeah actually. Although, I didn't really care about coming here to be honest with you," Virizion admitted._

 _Static gasped in shock. "Oh but you should! If anything, it's an honor to be here. Not everyone can come here at will you know? You need an invite, and you were one of the lucky ones to get one since you're here."_

 _"Well yes I know, but I just didn't really care to come," Virizion frowns and looks down, "I don't feel like I would fit in here."_

 _"Oh come on. You look like you do," Static stated, smiling._

 _"How? Before I even arrived here, I saw a Tyranitar change into a more humanoid form. I'm just a human," Virizion said._

* * *

"This overly modest attitude is rubbing me the wrong way," Keldeo muttered, "Seriously, where's the self-confidence! He's clearly some kind of ultimate sword master, so shouldn't that have some kind of effect on his character?"

Keldeo grinned and said, "But what I _do_ like is how Liberty Garden in this fanfic is kind of like the Pokemon world's version of Hogwarts, where people and Pokemon are invited to for special training and stuff."

* * *

 _Static have been showing Virizion and the others around Liberty Garden for about 30 or so minutes. She showed him some of the places like the dorms, training facilities and places to eat. Virizion would say that he didn't care, but he actually was very interested in some of the places he was shown. He had to stop Ian and the others some of the time from going inside said places before they could…..well, basically cause mischief or chaos, or both._

 _"So how long have you stayed here?" Virizion asked out of curiosity._

 _"How long have I stayed here?" Static asked._

 _"Yeah? Like, few months? Couple of years?" Virizion asked curiously._

 _Static thinks for a moment, then speaks, "I've actually been here for two years now. Being here at Liberty Garden is actually really fun."_

 _"How much fun?" Virizion asked._

 _"Lots! You get to make a lot of new friends here, learn new things, train your pokémon or yourself, and sometimes have fun in general. You get to stay in these dorms when you either visit or just wanna live here," Static explained, smiling._

 _"Wow. Even the Garden Defenders live in these dorms?" Virizion asked._

 _"Well, not all of them, but yeah. Oh! Speaking of them, the Garden Defenders are supposed to be the strongest people in Liberty Garden. They all train really hard to be the best at what they do," Static explained._

* * *

"Okay, the Garden Defenders," Keldeo said as he perked up a bit in interest, "Apparently they're the driving force of this fanfic. They sound like a unique cast of character with potential, and I'm interested in seeing who they are and exactly what they do."

* * *

 _Static stifled a laugh. "It's in the name, silly. They basically defend the garden from any possible threats. Threats that either want to destroy the garden, or try to kill one of, if not, many of the residents here. Some can even leave Liberty Garden to defend the world from possible threats. It's a hard thing to do sometimes from what I heard of, but they managed to pull it off."_

* * *

Keldeo nodded slowly, "Okay, so we're given vague and general information to start out with in order to build up our expectations. Very clever."

* * *

 _Then she notices something and asked, "Um, where are your pokémon?"_

 _"Huh?" Virizion turns around, and sees that Ian and the others were gone. He facepalms, "Damnit! I'm an idiot!"_

 _"Um, am I missing something?" Static asked. Virizion shakes his head._

 _"No you're not. Um, will you excuse me for a minute?" Virizion asked before he speeds off in a flash, to Static's surprise._

 _"Whoa….he's fast," Static uttered._

* * *

Keldeo grinned widely and said, "Oh boy! The _Pokemosh_ squad is on the loose! I can just imagine all the hilarious mischief they're gonna get into! Maybe they could have a battle with the Gijinka Tyranitar, or start a food fight, or-."

* * *

 _A few minutes later, Static was sitting on a bench by herself, waiting for Virizion to come back. She heard slight footsteps as she turns her head and sees Virizion coming back, with Ian and the others behind him._

* * *

"Victini, hit me with Zen Headbutt," Keldeo said quickly.

Victini's head glowed with Psychic power and he quickly struck Keldeo with the move, sending him flying into the shallow water.

Keldeo jumped back on the rock platform and shouted, "You didn't even ask why?!"

Victini shrugged and said, "Okay then. Why?"

Keldeo gaped at Victini for a moment, then he shook his head and said, "What a wasted opportunity this was! Virizion goes on and on about how mischievous his Pokemon are and how he can't trust them to be on their own, and we never get to see any real mischief! This would have been a perfect time to have them do. . . _something!_ But instead, Virizion just runs off, and comes right back with everyone as if nothing happened. What's the point?"

Victini waved it off and said, "Relax, Keldeo. The best part is coming up next!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, I hope so. Our heroes head into the lighthouse where Virizion finally meets the headmaster."

* * *

 _The group walked down a corridor that leads to an iron door. Static knocks on it._

 _"Yes?" A young male voice answered from the other side._

 _"I brought Virizion here. He wants to meet you," Static said, folding her hands behind her back._

 _"Hm….let me think about this first," the voice said._

 _"Oh? Well, okay then," Static said, standing in front of the door as she waits for an answer._

 _"Um, behind that door is the headmaster?" Wes asked curiously._

 _"Mhm. He can be a bit indecisive sometimes. We just have to wait when he tries to make a choice," Static said, tapping her foot on the floor._

* * *

"That . . .doesn't make any sense. . ." Keldeo said awkwardly, "I mean, you sent him the invitation, and here he is! Do you _really_ need to think this over? What other decisions does he have trouble making?"

 _ **Headmaster:**_ _"Uh-oh, my room is on fire. Should I call for help or should I escape? Hmm. . . let me think. . ."_

"Well, the headmaster ends up unlocking the door and Virizion goes in."

* * *

 _The room was nicely lit, and it had a twin size bed at the right corner of the room, with light green bedsheets and a green pillow case. The rug was a pink color with yellow edges, and a green and blue cushion at the center. At the left side of the room was a pink bench and at the far end of the room were a bunch of shelves with cases in them, a mirror, showing Virizion's reflection, and a small desk with what seems like a computer on it. But, there was nobody inside except for Virizion._

 _"What the? Is this some kind of joke? If it is, it's not funny," Virizion said._

 _"Huh? He was in there. How could I-" The door closed by itself, making Static and the Virizion's pokémon jump._

 _"What the?!" Virizion turns around at the door, but he also sees another Victini there, only he was not wearing a hoodie that Sohinki wears._

 _The Victini was like any other Victini, except the V-shaped ears were a bit shorter by one inch. The most noticeable object on the Victini was a pair of spy raider goggles on his forehead. He also seem to have a smile on his face._

 _"Uh….were you the one who slammed the door closed?" Virizion asked the Victini._

 _"Heh, sorry. Did I scare you?" He asked and floats up to Virizion, examining him closely._

* * *

"Oh no, it's Hoopa cosplaying as Victini!" Keldeo shouted in horror.

"NO!" Victini shouted angrily, "It's ME! Well, it's a version of me from a parallel universe, but it's still ME!"

* * *

 _"My name's Victor. I'm the 'headmaster' of Liberty Garden," Victor put air quotes around "headmaster."_

 _"Victor? The Victor? The Victini who is said to have saved an entire kingdom from destruction?" Virizion asked, surprised._

 _"Yep. That's the one," Victor said with a smile._

* * *

Keldeo looked over ta Victini and said dryly, "Just because you're in this fanfic doesn't mean it's automatically perfect."

"Sure, whatever you say," Victini said shortly as he floated with his arms folded and his back to Keldeo.

"Well," Keldeo said, "It turns out Victor invited Virizion here because he witnessed his excellent swordsmanship."

* * *

 _"But how? I never revealed myself to anyone or anything. There's not even any video evidence of my existence," Virizion said, looking down at the ground._

 _"PFFT! There doesn't have to be. I actually witnessed you in action one day, and it took me a couple of tries and encounters to find out who you are. And where you live was easy when I had to follow your movement with my psychic power," Victor explained, smirking._

 _Victor smiled. "How would you feel if I told you that your potential is enough to be a Garden Defender?"_

 _"What?!" Virizion shouted in surprise._

 _"That's right. You are going places, kid. And being a Garden Defender is definitely that place to be. You have the experience to defend others, the skills to fight for those who couldn't, and the dedication of others protection. You'll be the first Garden Defender at a young age of fifteen. You'll fit right in," Victor explained._

 _"No way. Uh, I don't know about this," Virizion admitted._

 _"Tell you what. I'll let you think about this for a while. Take all the time you need. Whenever you're ready, come here and give me an answer. Got it?" Victor asked, giving Virizion a peace sign._

* * *

"That's not a peace sign, it's a victory sign! V for victory!" Keldeo shouted out.

"Stop nit-picking!" Victini shouted.

* * *

 _Virizion thought about this for a while. On one end, being a Garden Defender doesn't sound too bad. He will always make sure people are safe from harm. But, on another end, it's not just any defense or rescue job. It's a job that requires a ton of experience, and it's also dangerous. There have been types of dangers that not any normal rescue squad or force that can handle such dangerous situations. It's so dangerous, sometimes the famous Swords of Justice can't handle it. And that's why the Garden Defenders are_

* * *

"WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WAIT A MINUTE!" Keldeo shouted loudly, "The Swords of Justice _**can't**_ handle it!? First of all, you're _named_ after one of them! Second, are saying these Garden Defenders are _**better**_ than the Swords of Justice!? _**Biscuits!**_ You _better_ deliver on this!"

"Oh-HO!" Victini shouted loudly, looking very offended by how Keldeo was acting, "So _I_ can't get excited and be positive about a fanfic that has a version of me in it, but _you_ can get all mad and offended when a fanfic doesn't kiss the hooves of the Swords of Justice?"

Keldeo turned to Victini and said, "I'm not _mad._ It's just that. . . well. . . look, these Garden Defenders just better be good! I don't want to see a repeat of the Expedition Society form _Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon._ "

Victini's eyes went wide, and he shuddered in fear.

"So Virizion gets some time to think about whether he want to be a Garden Defender, but doesn't tell his Pokemon about it, for some reason," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"What?!" Wes shouted in shock._

 _"Why not?" Anthony asked._

 _"Come on buddy. Don't leave us in suspense," Lazercorn said._

 _"Sorry, but that's something you'll have to see for yourself. It's way too big to just tell someone," Virizion said, chuckling._

* * *

"Yeah, I like Jack Storm better," Keldeo remarked, "What I mean is, it's hard to sense any connection at all between Virizion and his Pokemon, and that's kind of a problem when you realize that the core concept of the _entire Pokemon franchise is the bond between Pokemon and Trainer!_ "

"So, whatever. Static then decides to be a Genki girl again and runs off to show Virizion his dorm room."

* * *

 _"WAIT! I ALMOST FORGOT!" Static suddenly screamed, making Virizion and the others jump in surprise._

 _"What?!" They asked._

 _"Your dorm. I almost forgot about that," Static facepalmed._

 _"My….dorm?" Virizion asked, blinking a few times._

 _"Yeah. Come on. Follow me," Static starts running out of the lighthouse._

 _"Hey! Don't run from me!" Virizion shouted, running after Static, but not too fast. The six pokémon followed the two._

 _As Static and Virizion continued to run, Virizion failed to notice that someone was in front of him. He then notice the person in front of him, but was too late to stop and crashed into them and fall on the ground with a thud. Static heard the thud and stops running, turning over to see what happened._

 _"Owww…that hurt a lot," Virizion said, holding his head in pain._

 _"Yeah. It hurt a lot for me too," a voice started, sounding feminine. Virizion picked himself up and sees who he bumped into._

 _The person was female, with beautiful, long brown hair that reached down to her back, with some yellow hair on the front of her head. She had beautiful shiny red eyes and slight pale skin, and some sort of cloud-like tail behind her. As for clothing, she was wearing a yellow shirt with an orange flame symbol printed on the front, white gloves, black wrist guards with brown fur at the end, gray two inch heeled boots with what seems like kneepads in the shape of an entei's head, a short grey skirt that reached to her thighs, and a long cape behind her._

* * *

"Are we at a Comic Con?" Keldeo said with a frustrated frown, "Is that why everyone is dressed so weird here? Is everyone just cosplaying as a Pokemon on this island? Is that what Liberty Island really is? A place where Comic Con lasts forever?"

* * *

 _"Well then you got a pretty hard head to knock me down," The female giggled, "My butt hurts a bit after you managed to crash into it. What move were you using?"_

 _"Well if you say your butt's hurting from my head, I guess I was using Headbutt," Virizion joked_

* * *

Keldeo and Victini both stared with dark, unamused expressions on their faces.

"Wow," Keldeo said finally, "I mean. . . _wow._ That was the worst joke I have ever read in my entire life."

Victini then suddenly hugged Keldeo's face and shouted excitedly and with a smile, "HE DID IT! HE WORTE THE WORST JOKE OF ALL TIME! INCREDIBLE! WOO-HOO!"

Keldeo watched as Victini flew off to parts unknown. Keldeo then shrugged and said, "Well, at least that got rid of him for a while. But, seriously, think about this for a moment. We got a guy's head hitting a girl's butt. . ."

Keldeo's eyes got big and said as he asked, "Why is this fanfic reminding me of Johnathan Coulton's cover of _Baby Got Back_?"

* * *

 _"Hehe, yep. And it's nice seeing you around Static," the female said, and Virizion widen his eyes._

 _"You two know each other?" Virizion asked, surprise in his voice._

 _"Yeah we do!" The two girls shouted, giggling as they gave each other high fives._

* * *

"One, these two are _waaaay_ too similar. Two, are there any human males on this island? Is this a prequel or a sequel to _Wicker Man_?" Keldeo asked in desperation. Then he sighed and said, "Well, anyway, this girl's name is Sierra. And she-."

* * *

 _"Right. Well, it was nice meeting you Sierra," Virizion said, smiling. Sierra smiles back._

 _"Heh, it's nice meeting-" Sierra was cut out when she felt something drop to her ankles. Virizion noticed quickly and turns away. Sierra looks down to her ankles, seeing her skirt down to her ankles and her orange panties exposed, and rolled her eyes with a smile._

* * *

"-what the _whaaaaa-?_ " Keldeo said with his mouth hanging open.

* * *

 _"I know that was you Static," She said, giggling._

 _"Oh yeah? Where's the proof?" Static asked, smirking._

 _"Proof? You just pulled my skirt down to my ankles," Sierra laughed, "What other proof do I need?"_

 _"Well you got me there. Hehe, I'm sorry, but it was a little tempting," Static admitted._

 _Sierra rolled her eyes again and turns to Virizion, seeing that his back was turned. "Um, you aren't blushing, are you?"_

 _"No. But I'm not going to risk getting punched in the face," Virizion said. Sierra laughs._

 _"Virizion, it's okay. I'm not ashamed that I got pantsed, or the fact that you saw my underwear," Sierra giggled._

 _"You're not?" Virizion asked, sounding confused._

 _"No. I'm totally cool with it. Although, I should probably pick my skirt up," Sierra said, looking down to her ankles._

* * *

". . . The _whaaaaa-?_ " Keldeo said with utter shock in his voice and eyes.

* * *

 _"Well if you say so," Virizion said, turning back around. Sierra looks back up at Virizion and smiled._

 _"See? Did I punch you in the face?" She asked humorously._

 _Virizion snorted in laughter and said, "No."_

 _"Then you don't need to turn your back when this happens," Sierra said, reaching down and pulls her skirt back into place, "Anyway, I should get going."_

* * *

". . .I can't do this," Keldeo said quickly as he shook his head, "I'm sorry. I can't do this. I gotta go."

Keldeo quickly stepped off the rock platform and trotted through the shallow water away from the review spot.

Victini flew in chuckling to himself and saying, "Awful. Just so-." Victini froze in mid-air and looked around. "Keldeo? Hellooooooooooo?!" he called out. When he got no response, he frowned and said, "Well, how about that! Keldeo ditched me! Huh!"

Victini floated in silence for a moment, then he smiled and said, "Alright! This is great! Now _I_ can take over this review! I'll show him!"

Victini nodded and said, "Okay, so, picking up where Keldeo left off, Virizion heads over to his dorm, and then we check back in with Static's best friend Sierra, who is hard at work doing some training."

* * *

 _"TAKE THIS!" Sierra yelled, swinging a punch, hitting a sandbag as it was blown back to a wall and breaks apart._

 _Sierra was training at the gym, beating up sandbags. Well, more like destroying them since she was surrounded by sand and cloth, and three sandbags._

* * *

Victini eyes went wide and she said, "GOSH! She's tougher than Gym Leader Maylene! . . . Messier too!"

* * *

 _"Alright….that's enough….training for….one day…" Sierra managed to say, clearly out of breath and falls backwards, sand reacting to the impact. She was breathing heavily and trying to catch her breath, laying on the ground with her arms spread out._

 _"Well you made a bigger mess than yesterday. A new record."_

 _Sierra looks up to see a Flygon hovering above her._

* * *

"Oh, cool! A Flygon! Those don't get much attention!" Victini remarked.

* * *

 _"Of course you would say that," the Flygon chuckled and shifts into a humanoid form._

 _The Flygon was male, and was wearing mostly green. His sand-coloured spiky hair was mostly covered by an absurdly long green bandana, which has light green and red dragon scales at the tip of them. A pair of red goggles rests upon his head, as sand falls and onto his dark green jacket and pants, outline with red. A cloak, even more darker green than his jacket, sits around his waist, as his green combat boots landed on the sand around him and Sierra._

* * *

Victini smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he remarked, "Although when you turn 'em into humans, it kinda ruins the whole point of them being cool looking Pokemon to begin with, 'cause they aren't cool looking Pokemon anymore. . . they're just cosplayers."

Victini shrugged, "Anyway, Sierra tells the Flygon, whose name is Garth, about Virizion's arrival. Garth's kinda mad about not being informed about this, but whatever. So Sierra cleans up the mess, then she goes to a pizza place where she finds-."

* * *

 _At a table in the middle of the restaurant was Static, and another girl. The girl looked like a literal human Victini. An anthropomorphic Victini. The Victini had the usual cream colored fur and wings, and orange V-shaped ears on her head and hands, blue eyes, nose and tiny fangs. But, unlike any Victini, the center of her ears was slight reddish fur, with what seems like an eye at the center. And she had long hair on her head, which was a magenta color and was as long as Sierra's hair. She was wearing a bright green jacket, the sleeves striped, the color getting a darker shade as it went down to her hands, and a bow symbol on the left side of her jacket. She had a lightning blue shirt underneath the jacket. She had a navy blue skirt on, with a floral pattern printed around, and the length of her skirt reached to her knees. And finally, she had long, bright white socks on, and blue combat boots on._

* * *

Pink hearts appeared in Victini's eyes and he let out an enchanted sigh. "Ooh, Hubba-hubba. . ." he slurred out romantically. His mouth hung open and his tongue lolled out for a bit, but then he snapped back to reality and he said, "Uh, yeah! Sierra meets up with Static and this new hottie- uh, girl!"

* * *

 _"Oh hey Sierra! Didn't know you were here," Static said, smiling._

 _"I just got here. I'm hungry," Sierra giggled, "Is there a seat for me?"_

 _"Right here," the anthro victini pulls out a chair from the table she and Static were sitting at as Sierra sits down._

 _"Thanks, Mayumi," Sierra said, pushing her chair close to the table, "Did you guys order already?"_

 _"Yeah we did. Waiting for a cheesy pizza to come and be served," the anthro victini said, known as Mayumi, said as she sits back and pats her belly._

* * *

"Ah yes. . . _Mayumi_. . . what a name. . ." Victini said as hearts appeared in his eyes again.

Munna suddenly flew in with Floyd riding on top of her. Floyd hit Victini on the back of the head with his guitar, which snapped Victini out of his infatuation.

"What!? Oh, um," Victini stammered out as Munna and Floyd flew away while rolling their eyes simultaneously, "Oh yeah, so, this is Mayumi. She seems to be the wild type, and she's known for giving Sierra grief whenever she doesn't clean up after herself in the gym. For instance, she forced Sierra to wear a target on her face once. Ha! Genius!"

"So, the girls talk about Virizion and about how fast he is, then they eat their pizza and-."

* * *

 _"Right….well, it's getting late. We better get going. I'll meet you outside," Static said as she walks to the register. Sierra nods as she walks to the exit, holding Mayumi in her arms._

 _After a few minutes, Static came out of the pizzeria and walks next to Sierra, who was laying on the wall, holding Mayumi in her arms, still asleep._

* * *

"Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh, SHE IS SO _PRECIOUS_!" Victini practically squealed.

" _ **FOCUS!**_ " Munna and Floyd shouted.

Victini groaned and said, "Alright, fine. Actually, we get a big piece of news about Sierra."

* * *

 _"That's nice of you, Static. But remember? I'm a Garden Defender?" Sierra giggled. "I have to go with captain Garth on a scout for missing people."_

 _"Oh yeah. That's right. I forgot. But, when will you be back?" Static asked._

 _"I don't know," Sierra said as she lifts up Mayumi from the chair she was sleeping on, "But I hope it isn't too long. I do want to see Virizion again and hang out with him."_

* * *

"That's right! Sierra is one of the Garden Defenders! I guess this explains why she's so crazy strong. The next morning, Garth announces that Virizion is gonna go out on a mission with Sierra as a trainee."

* * *

 _"Wait what?" A familiar voice asked as a young boy got up. It was Virizion, as Sierra widen her eyes at the sight of him._

 _"Thought you would want to meet a fellow Garden Defender," Garth said, pointing to Sierra. Virizion looked over to see Sierra, and widen his eyes at the sight of her._

 _"He's a trainee?" Sierra asked._

 _"She's a Garden Defender?" Virizion asked._

 _"Kinda and yes. Victor told me to bring him along, as a sort of what it would be like as a Garden Defender. As for you, kid? Yes she is a Garden Defender. One of my best ones. Don't let her appearance fool you. One punch from her will send you flying,"_

* * *

"Heh. I believe it!" Victini remarked.

* * *

 _"Well looks like Victor wants you to have an idea of what it is like to be a Garden Defender. I don't blame him for doing this," Sierra said, then runs to the boat and jumps inside, making the boat rock._

 _"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Virizion shouted, trying to gain back his balance as the boat stops rocking._

 _"Besides, I wanted to see you again after this scouting mission. But since you are here, I'm glad Victor did this," Sierra said, walking up to Virizion, a big smile on her face._

 _"Really? Heh, I was thinking the same thing. I wanted to see you again after what happened yesterday. But this is not how I imagined it," Virizion said, chuckling a bit._

 _"Awesome!" Sierra cheered as she hugs Virizion tightly, giggling._

 _"Ack! You're kinda crushing me!" Virizion shouted, struggling to breath. Sierra then let's go._

 _"Sorry, but I'm just happy that you're here," Sierra smiled._

 _"I know you are," Virizion shakes his head and adjusted his hat._

* * *

"Is slamming into people really the best way to get someone to fall in love with you?" Victini asked, eyes filled with wonder, "Because Sierra is clearly _addicted_ to Virizion right now." Victini them smiled mischievously and said, "Well then, now I know how to hook up with Mayumi. . ."

* * *

 _"Well, we are going on a scout. We'll be looking around for missing people or pokémon. Garth will be looking around in the air while I, or should I say we, are looking around on the ground," Sierra explained._

 _"Sounds like a plan. And who are we looking for?" Virizion asked._

 _"These people right here," Garth hands Virizion three pieces of papers as Virizion grabs them and looks at them._

 _The papers were missing posters. One was about a young boy named Jerry Kingsley. There was no picture, but the description said that he was six years old and was last seen at Studio Castelia wearing a blue shirt with a Pachirisu silhouette print, and blue shorts. The second was a little girl named Sasha. The picture was of Sasha with short, black hair, pale skin and blue eyes. It said she was wearing a white dress and was last seen at Unity Pier. And finally, the last poster was of a teenage girl named Star. She was sixteen years old and was last seen at the Castelia Gym, wearing a green shirt, blue vest, red skirt and yellow shoes._

* * *

"Okay, this is cool. But I can't help but feel like I've seen this set up before," Victini said as he stroked his chin, "And why does the name 'Bellwether' keep coming to mind."

* * *

 _I also thought you were a princess from the way you dress. Especially the large cape you have," Virizion said, chuckling, "But I bet I'm wrong."_

 _Sierra was silent, her eyes wide. Virizion took notice of this and turns to look at her._

 _"Uh, are you okay?" Virizion asked._

 _Sierra turned to Virizion. "Uh, how would you react if I said that you were right about that?"_

 _"Wait what?" Virizion asked, then widen his eyes, "Wait, are you serious?"_

 _Sierra sighed and mumbled, "I can't run from my past, can I?"_

 _"What?" Virizion asked._

 _"Nothing. But yeah, you're right. I am a princess," Sierra said, sighing._

 _"I would have never guessed. I mean, I only said that because of the way you dress. I didn't know you were one," Virizion said._

 _"Heh, I get it. But don't think too much of it, alright?" Sierra asked, smiling._

* * *

"Man, this guy is lucky!" Victini said with wide eyes, "Not only does a beautiful girl have a huge crush on him, but that girl is a _princess!"_

Victini eyes became sly and he said, "Ehh, whatever. I've seen better."

"So Sierra and Victini head into the Castelia City, have some cute small talk, and eventually find one of the kids."

* * *

 _"Hm…well, it doesn't sound like you can be sure just from looking at her. So, I suggest maybe talk to her and confirm if it is her or not," Garth said as he stops flying, now in a hovering position as his wings were flapping._

 _"So just talk to her?" Virizion asked._

 _"Yes. Once you confirm it's her, call me back. But don't let her out of your sights," Garth said, then he hangs up as his hologram went away._

 _"Excuse me?" Sierra called out to the girl, catching her attention. She looked around, seeing a few people, then back at Sierra._

 _"You talking to me?" The girl asked, pointing to herself._

 _"Yeah. Uh, can we ask you a couple of questions?" Virizion asked, walking next to Sierra._

 _"Uh, sure? What is it?" The girl asked, a bit on edge._

 _"Well, did you hear about the three people missing in Castelia City? Two children and a teenage girl?" Sierra asked._

 _"Oh that? I have actually. Why do you ask?" The girl asked, now starting to get a bit nervous._

 _"Well, we were looking around for any of the missing when we saw you. And from looking at your outfit, they seem to match one of the missing. The blue vest, green shirt, red skirt and yellow shoes," Virizion described._

 _"O-Oh? R-R-Really? That's o-o-odd," the girl said nervously as she started sweating a little._

 _Sierra quickly took notice of this, and asked, "Hey? Are you okay? You're starting to sweat."_

 _"M-Me? Hehehehehe, maybe it's just getting really h-hot outside," the girl giggled nervously._

 _"But it's not that hot today. It's like, sixty-seven degrees today," Virizion said._

 _"And you're also stuttering. Are you sure you are okay?" Sierra asked, starting to get a little suspicious._

 _"Well….I-I-Uh….I….SNEAK ATTACK!" The girl suddenly yelled and rushed to Sierra, gripped onto her pants and yanks them down to her ankles, exposing Sierra's pink panties before running away._

* * *

 _ **Kermit the Frog:**_ _"I think this is what they call a 'running gag'."_

Victini nodded slowly and said, "Oooooo-kaaaay. . . So, they chase the girl through the city and-."

* * *

 _"Almost…got you," Virizion whispered as he was close to grabbing the girl's arm._

 _"Here goes nothing!" The girl shouted as she jumps forward, her arms away from Virizion as he attempted to grab her, but mistakenly grabs her red skirt as it slides off her legs and off of her ankles. Virizion stopped running as he saw the skirt in his hand as sees that the girl jumped away from him._

 _The girl landed on her hands as flips forward and lands on her feet. She turned around to see that Virizion was a small distance away from her, and was holding her skirt and with a surprised look on his face. The girl looked down to see her frilly red panties exposed, but she just shakes it off and runs off._

* * *

 _ **Kermit the Frog:**_ _"Is there no end to this running gag!?"_

"Okay, look, I'm sorry, but now even _I'm_ getting tired of this!" Victini shouted impatiently, "I mean, seriously, how is this-?"

Victini was suddenly cut off when Keldeo suddenly pounded back onto the rock platform and stood right in front of Victini.

Keldeo stood firm and shouted, "Virizion 2.6! STOP! It's over! It's just. . . . I'm sorry, I really am. This really is all _my_ fault. I should never have agreed to review this fanfic before reading it. I should never have decided to go into this blind. Look, I'm sorry, but I _really_ don't like this fanfic. Seriously, this fanfic made me feel uncomfortable, as weird as that sounds. The combination of an island full of Gijinka Pokemon, a main character who cosplays as the female Sword of Justice, and two girls who like to show-off their underwear just really gets to me in a way I just don't like."

Keldeo sighed, and he said calmly and gently, "Look, if this is the kind of stuff you like, that's fine. I don't hate you and I'm not gonna judge you. Everyone is free to be themselves. But this just isn't the kind of stuff that I enjoy, and if I had read through this fanfic _before_ I had agreed to review it, I would never have reviewed it at all. But because I decided to do a blind review, I ended up with a huge chunk of review I produced through hard work that I didn't want to waste. I wasn't just gonna throw out half a review's worth of work. So, here we are, and _here_ is where we're gonna end this. There's no point in this review going on any further, as anything either I or Victini would have to say would be way too personal and subjective to be of any use to anyone. That being said, I hope you get a lot of success with this fanfic, Virizion 2.6, but the simple fact is that _I_ am _**NOT**_ in this fanfic's target audience."

"And to everyone else out there, let me be clear that Virizion 2.6 is a good author, so if you're not in the target audience of _Liberty Garden,_ then feel free to take a look at his other content, like _Pokemosh, Pokemosh Games,_ and of course _Meloetta the Chick._ He's has lots more besides that, so I suggest you check out his profile page yourselves (TinyURL: **yd5uuo5x** )."

Keldeo gave a curt nod and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to."

Keldeo walked away, leaving Victini still floating over the rock platform. Victini blinked, then he smiled and said, "Well, I'm Victini the Critic, and. . ."

Victini smiled and said in a loud whisper, " _Call me, Mayumi!"_

Victini was suddenly blasted off by Keldeo's Hydro Pump.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- S01 E06: Boast Busters_

 _Sonic Forces_

 _Rising Storm_ by Jack Storm 448

 _Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon_

 _Nostalgia Critic: North_

 _The Wicker Man_ (2006)

 _Baby Got Back-_ Johnathon Coulton

 _Zootopia (2016)_

 _The Muppet Show (1976)_


	35. E11: Top 6 Student 6 MLP Fanfics

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial Eleven: Top 6 My Little Pony Fanfics Staring the Student Six**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL: ybbv3qm3**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said happily, but then his smile faded as he said, "You know. . . I kinda hate to say this, but. . . Ryu Taylor the Ferret might have been onto something."

* * *

 _Ryu stared at the purple alicorn for a second and said, "Maybe you and your no-good friends should get out of my sight now."_

 _"We're not going anywhere until you explain yourself," Twilight said assertively. "There is no cause for you to behave so coldly to us."_

 _"Actually, there are many reasons," Ryu said. "For starters Twilight, you are no hero of any kind. Your story just designates you as one, when you're really just a tool for another princess. But I could've looked past that if it weren't for how much of a know-nothing-know-it-all pretentious hussy you are. What did you do when Spike, the hero of the Crystal Empire, was snubbed by Cadance for an invitation to greet Ms. Harshwhinny? You stood there and didn't even attempt to convince her otherwise. What did you do when you were gossiped about by the three girls calling themselves Gabby Gums? You force-fielded them out of your library. What did you tell those same three girls when their stage routine fell apart? You told them to never try anything new. And do I even need to bring up the Mare Do Well incident? What else do I need to say, Twilight Sparkle?! I hate you completely, and will until my last breath!"_

 _"Hey, back off!" Rainbow Dash said, sticking up for Twilight. "This is also the pony who helped save Equestria many times! How can you hate a hero so much?!"_

 _"She's no hero to me. And neither are the rest of you. Rainbow Dash, your rap sheet is also huge. Dropping rain on me was a bit much, but at least I provoked you. But did the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Just for gossiping about you? I don't think so. There was also your heckling of Trixie just because she bragged, something you make a daily ritual out of. Oh and that goes for you, too, Applejack. Then there was your stalking of a celebrity. And finally, your willingness to sell your friend for a book. There is no justification for such an action. To me, Rainbow Dash, your heart is a dark substance._ _  
_

 _"Applejack, your smug insistence that your near-loss of Sweet Apple Acres taught you nothing irked me unbelievably._ _  
_

 _"Fluttershy, keeping a Parasprite despite knowing what it could do, siding with the bats that could've destroyed Sweet Apple Acres, which need I remind you is Applejack's life income, and also refusing to see the dragon migration despite that you forced Rainbow Dash to see a butterfly migration. Off the top of my head, those are the actions of yours that caused you to earn my utter hatred._ _  
_

 _"Rarity, you greedy contradiction to your element, prioritizing of your brief Canterlot social status on Twilight's birthday, and guilting Spike into giving you a Fire Ruby, all of those and more make you undeserving of any of my respect._ _  
_

 _"And finally, you, Pinkie Pie. The words I am about to say to you can't completely convey how much I abhor you, but here goes anyway. You are a thoroughly insensitive, hyperactive, and immature woman-child. Pestering an old donkey for friendship and an apology, causing Appleoosa to be attacked by buffalo just when the conflict seemed to be averted, ruining all of Luna's attempts to make friends on Nightmare Night and claiming it was all in the name of fun, being of no help with the parasprite problem until it was too late to save Ponyville from them, buying up just enough cider to make Rainbow Dash the first customer to be told the faucet was empty and then bragging about the taste of what you deprived her of, and bullying Fluttershy to almost a nervous breakdown during her tenure in the Ponytones. Those are things a bully does. You are no friend, Pinkamena Diane Pie. You are a bully._ _  
_

 _"But you know what? I could have forgiven all of that, were it not for one simple thing. Looking back, it was clear from the beginning how shallow all of you are. None of you ever were that interesting, but you were all nearly immediately infuriating. So you had just made friends with a once lonely unicorn during an adventure to save the land from a jealous princess. What do you do soon after? Try to bribe a Grand Galloping Gala ticket from her, of course! Yes, indeed, because when a dear friend of yours has a connection to royalty, you seek to exploit it not even a week since you know the one with the connection! In fact, I brought this with me just for all of you!"_

 _Ryu then took his water pouch out of his pocket and bent the water out of it to form a small water stream. He spun it around to make it slap each of the six ponies in the face. He then let the water splash down onto the floor._

 _"The bottom line is, you are all thoroughly despicable vessels used to tell a horribly crafted story. It's impossible for me to want anything good to happen to all of you complete bitches. And when my opinion of protagonists goes down so low that I legitimately want your enemies to kill all of you and conquer your world, then that's a story I refuse to follow! As far as I'm concerned, your story is over!" Ryu had finally poured his feelings out. With no further business left in Equestria, he left Sugarcube Corner and approached the portal._

* * *

"That was an excerpt from chapter 8 of _Ryu's Journal,_ which he wrote on October 2, 2014," Keldeo explained, "In the chapter, Ryu travels with Zorua to Equestria so he can pretty much rant about how awful _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ is directly to the Mane Six's faces. Spike the Snob over on thatdragonwiththetophatdotcom got so mad about this that. . . oops, I almost went on a Buneary trail there. If you're interested, just go ahead and check out the appropriate chapters of _Spike the Snob_ and _Ryu's Journal_ yourself."

Keldeo continued, "Anyway, I'm pretty sure the most common reaction MLP fans would have to Ryu's rant would be to just ignore him and shrug it off as the ramblings of someone who reads into things too deeply or doesn't understand character development. Personally, I felt that he was free to believe whatever he wanted to believe, and dislike anything he wanted to dislike. I disagreed with him and felt that he was taking the actions of the Mane Six out of context, but I knew that he was entitle to his opinion."

Keldeo let out a long, sad sigh, "But here's the thing. . . I think Ryu kinda predicted the future."

Keldeo frowned with frustration and said, "I mean, seriously, what the hay happened to the Mane Six! They're just completely _awful_ in Season 8! Applejack and Rainbow Dash were selfish egomaniacal jerks in _Non-Compete Clause._ Pinkie was a selfish brat in both _The Maud Couple_ and _Yakity-Sax._ Twilight was aloof and unfocused and Rarity was an annoying idiot in _Molt Down._ Rarity and Rainbow Dash were super petty in _The End in Friend._ Twilight was irrational and foolish in _Friendship University._ And _**Everyone**_ was an idiot in _The Mean Six!_ "

Keldeo narrowed his eyes and said, "Oh, isn't this supposed to be the part of the editorial where I do that Nostalgia Critic trope where unseen attackers try to kill me with guns or bombs or arrows or knives or Pokemon attacks for talking negative about something popular? Well, as you can see, nothing happened! Why? Because it's pretty much agreed within the Brony community that Season 8 has had some really _**terrible**_ episodes where the Mane Six are unlikeable, are stupid, are annoying, or all three at the same time! So yeah, Ryu was a lot smarter than we gave him credit for, because right now, in the middle of the show's eighth season, the Mane Six have finally succumbed to seasonal rot, and really should be handed over to the fanfic writers while the show's staff moves on to other things. We've spent a lot of time with them we had a lot of laughs with them, but because the show has to abide by the rules and regulations of children's media, there really isn't much room for the staff to do anything else impressive or engaging with them unless they're willing to move _Friendship is Magic_ to Adult Swim. More often than not, shows get canceled or rebooted because writers get to the point where nothing else can be done with the main cast within the confines of their show. If the writers try to keep going anyway, then the characters get stale and the show becomes zombified, and that's what we're starting to see happen with the Mane Six."

Keldeo suddenly got happy again and he said, "BUT WAIT! The Mane Six might be through, but the show isn't! For you see, the show has literally handed us six new characters that can easily take the Mane Six's place! The Student Six! Six characters introduced as students of Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship, who came together in the Season 8 Premiere and have made and _will make_ several prominent appearances during this season, including the Season 8 Finale!"

Keldeo eagerly began describing the characters, "We've got Yona, the rugged yet sweet and lovable yak that loves her friends dearly. Ocellus, the shy and kind changeling that loves to read and to learn as much as she possibly can. Gallus, the sarcastic griffon that actually has a warm heart inside him. Silverstream, the excitable, bubbly, and energetic hippogriff. Smolder, the confident, snarky, tough-girl of a dragon. And Sandbar, the nice, 'straight-man' of an Earth Pony that's really down to earth and wants to do what's right. These characters are all interesting with their own strengths and personality quirks that work off each other very well. They're clearly more diverse than the Mane Six. Plus, two guys and four girls is a little more balanced than six girls, a seventh ranger that's a guy, and an either ranger that's also a girl."

Keldeo nodded enthusiastically and said, "I am absolutely certain that the Student Six can save this show! The writers just need to have the courage to refocus the series on these new characters, which would mean taking the focus off of the Mane Six. It might sound crazy but think about! The Mane Six have all achieved their life goals, so is there really any point in continuing to follow them around? Of course not! Even the Cutie Mark Crusaders have kinda come into their own. So, it makes perfect sense to make the show more about the Student Six in Season 9 and onward. Sure, we're gonna have to have an occasional episode on the Mane Six, but we can still have most of the episodes be about the Student Six and be fine. Their strong friendship is seen very well not only in the premier, but also in _Non-Compete Clause_ and _The Hearth's Warming Club,_ and Season 8 has several more awesome soundings episodes featuring them as well, including the Season 8 Finale!"

"Also, since these six newcomers are so diverse with different cultures, appearances, quirks, abilities, and personalities; the show staff will easily be able to craft innovative new stories about them while still following the children's show template."

Keldeo tapped his right forehoof thoughtfully as he said, " _But_ , in spite of how interesting they are and how nice it is to see them all interact and be there for each other, there really aren't that many fanfics about the Student Six out there. Most of them have been written by Jay David on FimfictionNet, and they're all oneshots!"

Keldeo then stopped tapping his hoof and smiled as he said, "But hey! That just gives me an excuse to make a list of the top 6 fanfics staring the Student Six! Why top 6? Because there's six of them, of course! So, get ready for a fresh new take on the magic of friendship, because here's the top 6 My Little Pony fanfics starring the Student Six!"

* * *

 _ **Number 6. . .**_

* * *

 _ **White Curse**_

 _ **By Jumpitydude**_

 _Twilight has just opened her school for all creatures to attend, only for the EEA to shut it down. Starlight brought her out of her rut, and Twilight's ready to open the school again... only for her star students to be missing. With threats of war on the horizon, the missing students need to turn up fast._

 _Someone else, however, has other things in mind for the students. And the first step involves releasing a serious threat to Equestria. Something that only those with a select power can face._

 _A power that the students now have._

* * *

"This is an adventure story, and it's still in progress. It's also meant to happen _during_ the events of Season 8," Keldeo explained, "It's one of those fanfics that kinda rewrites the actual episodes of the show and ties them together with extra stories and plot elements."

Keldeo smiled and said, "What makes this fanfic cool is that it turns the Student Six into _superheroes!_ That's right! Actual _superheroes_! You see, when the students run away and hide in the old Castle of the Two Sisters as they did in the Season 8 Premiere, they end up releasing an ancient evil by accident. BUT, they also are all given awesome elemental powers! You'd think this would be awesome, but unfortunately, the last group of creatures to inherit these powers used them for evil. Therefore, the power was named _The White Curse,_ and a law was passed that ordered that anyone with these powers would be immediately _put to death_!"

Keldeo had a shocked expression on his face. " _Biscuits!_ That's kinda harsh, don't you think, Celestia? I mean, come on! That's like saying Superman should be put to death just because General Zod exists!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, anyway, due to this law, we get a kinda Batman vigilante kinda deal, with the student six disguising themselves and adopting superhero names in order to hide their identity. It really is cool to see a kinda _DC Superfriends_ group in Equestria. It also helps that the leaders of the other races aren't as intolerant of these new powers as Celestia, and even help the Student Six master their new powers. We get to see Queen Novo, King Thorax and his brother Pharynx, and more! They even share a bit of lore about the history of the White Curse and some magical-."

Keldeo covered his mouth with his right forehoof, then he put it down and smiled, "Nope! Not gonna spoil it!"

Keldeo's smile slipped a little and he said, " _However,_ this story is only Number 6 for a reason. You see, while there is plenty of companionship between the Student Six, as well as some _totally epic battles,_ there are a few things that bug me about it. First, the idea that Princess Celestia would be okay with _execution_ seems wrong. Second, the characterization of the Student Six seems a bit off. Like, they seem a little meaner. . . a little angrier. . . Like, at one point, they come together to play a whole bunch of mean pranks on Gallus and it just seems wrong, _especially_ when you take the heartwarming moments in the episode _The Hearths' Warming Club_ into account _._ Sure, Gallus is able to move on from it thanks to Silverstream, but it's settled in a really weird way."

* * *

 _"You know our friends made an agreement to prank you today, right?"_

 _"I... figured." He glanced at Silver. "Were they all in on it?"_

 _"Well, Sandbar wasn't in on it, but the rest of them were."_

 _Gallus sighed. "Great. This is worse than when I was at Griffonstone. Who am I to them?"_

 _Silver moved her claw from his shoulder to his claw, holding it tightly. "A friend that won't leave. They wanted a bit of fun, wanted a victim, and figured that you wouldn't leave them over it. None of us think any less of you than when we first met."_

 _Gallus looked at her head on. "That doesn't mean you think highly of me."_

 _Silver poked his beak with her free claw. "Remember when you sparred with three of our teachers at once? The way we looked at you in amazement? We know you're still that Gallus. The one that isn't afraid of anything." She moved her claw down his beak and along his cheek. "Even if we catch up to you in physical skill, you're still an inspiration to us."_

 _Gallus put his claws on Silver's shoulders... and started crying. "I'm sorry. I just... looked at what I couldn't do... what you could do... and felt like I'd never get back to... being the important one."_

 _"It's alright." Silver wiped a tear from Gallus' cheek. "It's fine to look at what isn't there, but you can't ignore what is there. Just remember that you're important to us. No matter what."_

 _"Thank you." Gallus stood up, still holding Silver's claw._

* * *

Keldeo's stood gaping in silence for a moment, then he said, "I don't get this! What's being said here? That if you have a really loyal friend, it's okay for you to pick on them for your sick amusement because you know that they're too loyal to ditch you?! That's wrong! And is Silverstream trying to manipulate him by seducing him?! Ugh!"

Keldeo let out a sigh, but got his smile back on and said, "But even with these slight hiccups, this _really_ is a good story, and you never lose the sense of these six super students being good friends. We even get a few _GOOD_ romantic moments too! But I won't spoil them. I'd even say this story improves the sub-par material we've been getting in Season 8 so far. For instance, you know how Applejack and Rainbow Dash were selfish egomaniacal jerks in _Non-Compete Clause_?"

Keldeo smiled knowingly and said, "Well. . . let's just say everything's better with fire demons!"

* * *

 _A fireball shot out, aimed right at Rainbow. Had she been in a more stable mind, Rainbow would have simply flown off. In her state of panic, caused by her feeling like she betrayed Applejack and their students, all she could think to do was cover her head._

 _Fortunately, Smolder, as Heatnix, was there to punch the fireball. "Fly, you fool!"_

 _That snapped Rainbow out of her rut, and she flew into the remaining trees of the nearby forest._

 _The other five rushed to the Dragon's side._

 _Striker fist-bumped her. "Nice one, Heatnix!"_

 _ **"Heatnix? So you're using aliases now?"**_ _The fire pony smirked._ _ **"It won't matter once you're gone."**_

* * *

 _ **Number 5. . .**_

* * *

 _ **Guy Talk**_

 _By Jay David_

 _A week has passed since the tumultuous opening of the School of Friendship, and everycreature has settled into their time there. In the midst of this, two recent friends, Sandbar and Gallus, have a chat with each other during their lunch break._

* * *

 _ **AND**_

* * *

 _ **Asking**_

 _By Jay David_

 _This story is a sequel to Guy Talk_

" _Okay, this was a bad idea. This was a really, really bad idea! Why did I let Gallus talk me into this? Okay, Sandbar, pull yourself together. She's right there. Just...just go over and talk to her. Who knows? Maybe things will go well? Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it won't!"_

* * *

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Yeah, I know. I'm putting two stories in one slot. But they're both really short, they fit right together, and they both focus on two characters: Sandbar and Gallus. So, why not stick them together?"

"Okay, first we have _Guy Talk._ There are a coupleof funny moments in this fanfic!" Keldeo said with a grin, "The effect of Gallus' meat eating in front of a pony, for one. But seriously, I like how it portrays Sandbar as the super honorable type. It matches how good and down to earth he's portrayed as in the show. He's a simple pony, with pure and decent values. He'd make a good Sword of Justice if he had the power."

* * *

 _Gallus shrugged his shoulders._

 _"What? It's a simple enough question. Our female friends, Ocellus, Silverstream, the rest, they're cute, right?"_

 _Sandbar looked to him, mouth hanging open._

 _"Wha...you can't talk about them like that!"_

 _Gallus arched an eyebrow._

 _"What? Why?"_

 _Sandbar looked around, making sure nocreature else was within earshot, before continuing to berate his friend._

 _"Because...they're our friends! We're supposed to respect them, treat them nicely! Not talk about them behind their backs on how cute we think they are!"_

 _Gallus slapped a claw onto his own forehead, letting out an irritated grunt._

 _"Oh, great, you're one of those kinds of ponies."_

 _He looked to his friend with a frown._

 _"Seriously, Sandy, this conversation's gonna be really boring if all you're gonna do is play the knight in shining armour with me."_

 _Sandbar frowned back._

 _"We're not talking about our friends that way, Gallus. Period."_

* * *

"But of course, Gallus is written in character, as in he will not shut up, and ends up convincing Sandbar to open up and reveal what appears to be the new popular pairing that seems to be taking the Brony community by storm:"

* * *

 _Then, after once more looking around to see whether there was anycreature close by, he let out another long sigh._

 _"Well...as long as this stays between us...I suppose...Ocellus is...really nice."_

 _A smile came to him._

 _"She's just...really sweet. I like being around her."_

* * *

"Seriously, people seem to just _love_ shipping Sandbar and Ocellus together. _White Curse_ uses this pairing too. How do _I_ feel about it?"

Keldeo just shrugged and said, "Eh, I think it's cute. I suppose they _do_ go well together, I suppose."

Keldeo smiled again and said, "Well, Gallus gets another sly remark in about the _benefits_ of being with a Changeling; and we also get a hilarious ending that I will not spoil here. Well. . . okay, maybe not _hilarious,_ but I'm sure you'll get a chuckle out of it!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Then we've got _Asking._ This is pretty much a straight forward story about Sandbar asking Ocellus out on a date."

* * *

 _Taking a deep breath, he promptly exhaled, before poking his head around to see those who stood around in the next hallway. It was his friends, or, to be more specific, four of them. Yona the Yak, Smolder the dragon, Silverstream the Hippogriff and, finally, Ocellus the Changeling. Seeing that last female in particular caused Sandbar to suddenly erupt into a fierce blush, and he darted his head back around the corner before they could see him._

 _"I...no! This is crazy! I...I can't do this!"_

 _He spun around, ready to leg it in the opposite direction, only to be stopped when he came face-to-face with the frowning visage of his other friend, Gallus the Griffon._

* * *

 **Gallus:** _ **"Shirdal, bisho'ur! SHIRDAAAAAAL!"**_

Munna floated in slowly and asked, "What. . . was that?"

Keldeo shifted awkwardly and said, "Um. . . just my attempt on a griffon version of the Zuul joke."

Munna stared at Keldeo silently, then she said, "Seriously? What's next? _**'Winona will live'**_?"

Keldeo's eyes widened and he said, "Oh, wow! That's a good one! I gotta remember that."

"I'm out of here," Munna said as she turned and left.

* * *

 _"But...but...but...!"_

 _Gallus frowned to him._

 _"None of that! You're going over there and asking Ocellus out, got it?"_

 _Sandbar, in response, let out a long and tired-sounding sigh._

 _"You're never gonna leave me alone if I don't, are you?"_

 _The answer to that was simply a scowl and a shake of the head from Gallus, prompting Sandbar to grimace slightly before looking over his shoulder to the corner once more. Hesitation was the order of the day for him, and when he finally did start moving, his steps were slow. Gallus rolled his eyes once more at this display, watching his friend move with almost painful levels of slowness. Then, just as he was approaching that corner, the Griffon finally got tired of waiting. He lunged forward, pushing Sandbar forward, right out into the other hallway. The moment this happened, the four females noticed him, with several smiling at his arrival._

* * *

"Congratulations! Gallus is still in character!" Keldeo declared.

* * *

 _"So...um...nice weather we're having, right?"_

 _Even though Sandbar couldn't see him, he knew Gallus was banging his head against the wall after a remark like that._

Victini suddenly flew in and shouted, "Hey, don't blame him, Gallus! If you're gonna persuade someone to ask a girl out, the least you can do is give him a few good pickup lines!"

" _Don't you dare!_ " Keldeo shouted in abject horror.

Victini just shook his head and said, "Wow. You're just as bad as Sandbar," before floating away.

" _Anyway,_ " Keldeo said in annoyance, "What really makes this story is how Silverstream, Yona, and Smolder. . . . well, okay, it's mostly Silverstream, but it's nice how the other girls quickly see what's going on and encourage Ocellus to accept Sandbar offer."

* * *

 _"One moment, Sandy. Girl talk."_

 _Then, before any of them could react, Ocellus was hoisted up by Silverstream and flown off, with Smolder and Yona close behind, leaving Sandbar alone with understandable confusion. The females all rushed around another corner close by, setting Ocellus down and crowding around her._

 _"You've got to accept!" Silverstream encouraged._

 _"What?!" Ocellus responded._

 _Smolder chuckled._

 _"Yeah, Ocellus! Go ahead! Claim your male! I mean he's offering himself on a silver plate here!"_

 _Ocellus' blush grew brighter._

 _"W...what?!"_

 _Yona laughed._

 _"Take date! Dates is fun!"_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged and said, "To me, these stories are quick and cute, yet filled with detail and characterization that feels right characters of their age and background. I obviously left most of the story out so you can go on ahead and read it yourself!"

* * *

 _ **Number 4 . . .**_

* * *

 _ **Creature Feature**_

 _By Saucyberry Serenade_

 _The School Of Friendship a place to mold the minds of the future, in this case a group of friends who have a talent for causing trouble._

 _From Double Dragon Dares to sneaking out at night, this group of friends will have many memories to carry with them through life._

 _And just as many write ups as well._

 _But hay!_

 _It's high school!_

* * *

"This story is still in-progress, but it had a pretty strong start," Keldeo said with a chuckle, "And when I say strong, I mean _absolutely hilarious_!"

* * *

" _Yak like pony school! Ponies fill large warehouse full of nourishment, all this free for yak!" Yona bounced excitedly in place before a large row of foods, the petite lunch mare shivering in place within the kitchen caught off guard by the yak's size._

" _Just..jus..one...per..cre...cre." The lunch mare chattered through clenched teeth in horror._

" _Yak can have one of each?! Yak very hungry, so yak claim all goodies!" Yona smiled happily, her bright green eyes shining like gems as she swiftly tossed plate after plate of food onto her backside to carry._

" _..."_

" _Can yak have extra juice?!" Yona yelled happily as the mare began to cry._

" _Yes! Just take it all!" She burst into a trail of tears, curling into a tiny ball on the floor._

" _Ok! Yak will take it all!" Yona lifted a huge crate of three dozen juices onto her backside as well, bouncing off towards the tables with a skip in her step and a bounce in her braids._

* * *

"And it gets even better from there!" Keldeo cheered out, "You see, the first plot point of the story is actually based on a real-life experience the author had where a classmate was dared to mash a whole bunch of food into a big, ball of grossness and eat it."

* * *

" _He is asking you to do something dumb, just ignore him Yona." Smolder stepped in with a genuine sense of worry, not just for the yak but perhaps herself as well._

" _No! I'm just Double Dragon Daring You, to mush up everything into one and eat it!" Gallus almost screamed out in a proud manner, his claw pointing to the yak wickedly._

* * *

"It's funny how Gallus is playing the instigator here, while Smolder is trying to diffuse the situation," Keldeo remarked, "But, of course, Yona does the dare, and. . ."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Yeah. . . I won't spoil it. But this story isn't all just comedy! In Chapter 3, we get a really nice heart to heart moment between Gallus and Yona where she helps him reevaluate what it truly means to be strong. So yeah, I really like where this fanfic is going. Everyone is in character, there's a ton of funny lines and remarks, and even some cool references that you wouldn't expect. I sure hope the author continues this fanfic soon."

* * *

" _THE DARE OF DRAGON DOUBLES!" Yona gave a loud gasp, only to tilt her head in confusion cutely. "What is a dare of dragon doubles?"_

* * *

 _ **Number 3 . . .**_

* * *

 _ **Childhood Stories**_

 _ **By Jay David**_

* * *

"This is actually part of a collection of short stories Jay David wrote entitled _The Young Six._ I can't really say I like _all_ of them, so I felt I might as well pick and choose my favorites for this list," Keldeo explained, "And hey, that's funny, because this particular story is about the six friends sharing their own stories about the crazy things they did when they were younger. So it's like a collection of short stories _inside_ a collection of short stories! Insert _Inception_ sound effect here! As for the stories themselves, they range from funny to anticlimactic to actually kinda gripping."

Keldeo's eyes opened wide and said, "Heeey. . . this is _just like_ how they all told stories in _The Hearth's Warming Club_! But this story was written long before that episode came out! Heh. What a coincidence."

Keldeo then winked and said, "Well, it's really nice how they all react to each other's stories with playful banter and stuff. No spoilers here, check it out for yourself.

* * *

 _ **Number 2. . .**_

* * *

 _ **Coming Clean**_

 _ **By Jay David**_

* * *

"This is also a part of Jay David's _The Young Six_ collection, and the reason it's so high up on the list boils down to two words. . ."

Keldeo smiled widely and leaned forward. Then he said, "Genre. . . Savvy!"

Keldeo settled back down and said, "In this story, Gallus gets a little impatient with Smolder, who can't seem to find her notebook."

* * *

 _"You know...you can admit you need help, if you like. I promise I wont make too much fun of you over it," he said with more than a little smugness._

 _Here, Smolder's patience with him finally ended, and without even looking, she gave him a quick shove to his chest, knocking him back slightly. Unfortunately, she had been a bit more forceful than she'd intended, and as Gallus stumbled backwards, he ended up knocking into the dresser he'd been standing next to before. The impact of this caused the aforementioned Yak carving to topple, and then, tumble over the edge. Both youths looked on with horror as this happened, with Gallus trying desperately to get a hold of it. But, alas, his efforts came too late, for the idol fell straight down to the floor, snapping straight in half. A deathly silence fell over the two of them, and they looked to one another with pale faces._

 _"Um..." Gallus began._

 _"Um..." Smolder mirrored._

 _It was clear just from looking that neither of them knew what to do here, and Gallus, taking hold of the now-broken belongings of their friend, started to speak up nervously._

 _"We...we can fix this."_

 _Smolder, shaking herself out of her stunned state, walked beside him, nodding frantically._

 _"Y...yeah! We can totally..."_

 _But, before she could finish, they both found, to their continued dismay, that the idol now broke apart into even more pieces as Gallus held it, and soon, the two of them were looking at nothing more than a pile of wooden fragments on the ground._

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHHHH!**_

Keldeo smiled and shrugged.

* * *

 _"I don't know what that thing was, Gallus, but it was probably some super-important Yak cultural thing! If Yona finds out what we've done..."_

* * *

Munna flew over and asked, "What? No _yak_ version of the Zuul joke?"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Eh, I couldn't find any safe words."

Munna nodded and said, "Okay then. . . how about this: _**YONA'S IDOL WILL**_ _-._ "

"The Boomer joke doesn't work like that!" Keldeo complained.

Munna nodded slowly and admitted, "Yeah. I didn't think so, but you can't blame a girl for trying!" then she left.

* * *

 _Gallus nodded, understanding fully the bad mess they'd gotten themselves into._

 _"So...what do we do?"_

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Yeah. That _is_ the question, isn't it? Well, let's suppose for a moment that this wasn't just a fanfic, but instead the script for an episode of the show. I'm sure we can all think of things that Gallus and Smolder would end up doing in such an episode. They'd try and fail to fix it. They'd try to carve a new one, only to end up with pile and piles of ugly imitations that don't look right. They'd probably even try make it look like some mystery vandal did it. But of course, by the end of the episode, they'd finally tell the truth just in time to deliver the moral to the audience."

Keldeo smiled and said, "Well, take a look at how Jay David wrote this."

* * *

 _Smolder, again looking down to the broken idol, started pacing up and down._

 _"Well...we can't fix it. The thing's too smashed for that. We could try and make another, but it'd just look like some cheap imitation that she'd see through in a heartbeat."_

 _Stopping, she looked to her Griffon colleague._

 _"Any ideas?"_

 _Gallus shrugged his shoulders once more._

 _"We could try telling her somebody else did it?"_

 _Smolder considered that, then shook her head._

 _"No...no! If we did that, she'd think some stranger was creeping about in our room! Then she'd go to the Princess, and before long we'd have the whole school in a panic over some sneaky-creepy guy going about!"_

 _Gallus tapped his chin._

 _"Yeah...good point. The ponies do have a knack for panicking at stuff like that."_

* * *

"Often times, TV shows will often have characters act less intelligent than usual for the sake of the plot. But in this fanfic, we have our main characters thinking things through and not falling into predictable tropes. Fixing it won't work, making a new one won't work, and trying to blame someone else would cause more problems than it would solve. The author decided to write this fanfic more realistically, and showed us how mature these characters are, and I love it!" Keldeo said gleefully.

* * *

 _The two stood together in silence for a time, trying to figure out how best to handle this situation. But, as thoughts and ideas passed through their minds, they were interrupted by the one sound that sent a shiver of fear through their spines. For on the other side of the dormitory door, they could hear hoofsteps. And moreover, they were far too loud and heavy-sounding for them to have belonged to a pony. As such, they knew instantly who it was, and so turned to one another with wide eyes._

 _"She's here?!" Gallus stated._

 _"What do we do?!" Smolder asked, panicked._

 _Gallus scratched the back of his head, trying desperately to think on what to do, but, as he slowly looked down to the broken wood upon the floor, he stopped. Moments passed, and he slumped his shoulders, letting out a very long sigh._

 _"Smolder...we both know what we have to do here."_

* * *

"NOPE! No spoilers!" Keldeo shouted gleefully, "If you want to see what happens next, go and read it yourself!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Now, before we take a look at our Number 1 story, here are a couple of honorable mentions. These stories actually focus on just one of the student six anyway, so they don't really meet the criteria for this list. But they're really good anyway, so I suggest you take a look at them as well."

* * *

 _ **The Missing Link**_

 _ **By MegaSean45**_

 _After realizing Smolder has not been attending class at the School of Friendship for a day, Spike tries to get to the bottom of her personal family problems._

* * *

 _ **Am I a Political Pawn?**_

 _ **By Bonster**_

 _Ocellus has been having some conflicting thoughts on her place at the School of Friendship. She loves her time there, and the friends she's made, but she can't help but wonder if there's anything more to it than just friendship. So she does the sensible thing and asks her guidance councilor._

* * *

 _ **School of Family**_

 _ **By Star Scrmable**_

 _Knowing himself what it feels like to not have a true family of his own, Spike sits Gallus down for a heart to heart about family and friendship._

* * *

 _ **Guiding the Counselor**_

 _ **By Amethyst_Crystal**_

 _Guidance Counselor Starlight enjoys relaxing above the School of Friendship when classes are done, the waterfalls keeping her company._

 _But she soon finds a curious Ocellus joining her, unaware of the little changedling's intentions..._

* * *

 _ **Smolder, The Dragon Tutor**_

 _ **by Smart Mouth**_

 _This was inspired by on a conversation I had in a Spike chat. Contains Spoilers for the episode as well as many of the new fan theories that popped up from it._

* * *

 _ **And the Number 1 fanfic starring the Student Six is. . .**_

* * *

 _ **Love Letter**_

 _ **By Rated Ponystar**_

 _Ocellus finds a love letter in her locker asking her to meet by the big tree. Her friends as happy for her as she comes to terms with the idea of having someone special in her life. Meanwhile, Sandbar, who has feelings for Ocellus, feels upset that he wasn't fast enough to confesses to her._

* * *

Keldeo sat down on his haunches clapped his forehooves in applause and said, "Ah, yeah! Rated Ponystar! One of my most _favorite_ writers on both FanFicNet and FimFicNet! This is a writer with tremendous talent! I'm not at all surprised that he wrote the Number 1 fanfic!"

Keldeo stopped clapping and put his hooves down, and he said, "As you can see, we've got Sandbar and Ocellus being shipped again. Clearly the fanbase has spoken on this. Thankfully, these characters work well together. A shy, intelligent Changeling and an honorable down to earth. . . Earth Pony. But as for the story, well. . ."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "What can I say, it's perfect! Sure, Ocellus and Sandbar are technically where the focus is, but the rest of the six also get time to shine as well!"

* * *

" _Stupid allergies…" Smolder muttered as she and her friends exited their class room. "It's not my fault Professor Rarity used lavender perfume today! That stuff always makes me sneeze!"_

" _At least she gave you a C instead of an F," Ocellus replied._

" _And that Swan Dive didn't hate you too much for ruining her feathers," Silverstream pointed out._

" _Eh, who cares what she thinks. She wasn't really the best of partners. Always chatting and chatting about her family history, nobility, and the great amazing things her father does in Cloudsdale. Geez, I'd rather hear Yona go on for six hours about Yaks."_

" _Oh! Yona love to!" They turned around to find their other three friends, Sandbar, Gallus, and a very excited Yona behind them. "Yona love to educate friend Smolder! Long time ago, Yaks were made by Gods. Gods very big and strong so make sense they make Yaks big and strong too! Yaks then—Hey, where friend Smolder flying off too!"_

* * *

"This story is _filled_ with moments like that," Keldeo said eagerly, "Also, while most stories tend to focus just on the student six, Rated Ponystar realized that, hey, they're in a school filled with other students! Plus, they go to classes! So, the story opens up with Ocellus in one of Rarity's class, while some of her other friends are in Rainbow Dash's class. Plus, we get introduced to two new characters, Ruby and Razz Star, who play important roles in the story."

Keldeo stood up and lifted his right forehoof, "But that's where I'm gonna stop. This story is too perfect for me to spoil. Seriously, stop whatever you're doing and read it. Sure, I've read plenty of other awesome stories that I would also consider perfect. _Rising Storm Book 1_ by Jack Storm 448 for instance. But _Love Letter_ by Rated Ponystar is less than 5,000 words. You can read it in one sitting, which is why I highly recommend you check it out right now! (TinyURL: **y7tbpma3** )"

Keldeo smile increased and he said, "In fact, _all_ of these stories are worth checking out. After spending so many years focusing on 6 female equines, which then became 7 thanks to Starlight Glimmer, maybe it's time for us move onto something new. I mean, I get it Hasbro, it's called _My Little_ _ **Pony**_ for a reason. But if you're gonna continue with the Mane 6 plus Starlight and Spike anyway, at least give us some multi-racial variety with these six _incredible_ characters. Please keep them around so we can fully appreciate the depth of the world that you created."

Keldeo nodded and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't-."

"WAIT! WAIT! You forgot to mention the best one in your honorable mentions list!" Victini shouted as he flew in wildly.

Keldeo turned to look at Victini and said, "What do you mean?"

Victini grinned widely and said, "The one that _I_ thought was funny."

Keldeo's eyes widened, "OH NO! We are **_not_ **talking about that story! It's awful! It's dangerous! It's wrong! It's just a huge slap in the face to the Student Six!"

Victini frowned and tilted his head in confusion, "Huh? What are you talking about, Keldeo? I don't think we're on the same page here. What fanfic do you think I'm talking about?"

Keldeo just smirked and stood up tall and proud as he said, "Ah-ha! I know what you're trying to do here! I know how this trick works. You're trying to get me to say the title, because you know that I know _that you know that I know_ that if I say the title, then I have to review it next! Well guess what?! I'm too smart for you Victini! There is no way that you're gonna get me to say, _'Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You?'_ -."

"Next review, _'Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You?'_ by Roselucky Seven!" Victini shouted out fast, and he quickly flew away.

Keldeo's jaw dropped and his eyes grew wide, then he threw his head back and shouted, " _ **BISCUITS!**_ "

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _Ryu's Journal (October 2, 2014 – The Best Show Ever)_ by Ryu Taylor the Ferret

 _Spike the Snob_ by

 _FimFictionNet_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Free Willy_


	36. Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You?

Within one of the many classrooms in Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship, Keldeo stood before a room full of students. Keldeo frowned at the students and asked in a frustrated tone, "Is there anycreature out there who _still_ isn't clear about what drinking alcohol does?"

There came some muttering from the class, which caused Keldeo to sigh and give a stern nod.

"Okay. _Last time_ ," Keldeo said, and he walked over to the teacher's desk and held up a perfectly ripe, red tomato in his right forehoof.

"This is your liver," Keldeo said as showed the tomato to the class.

Keldeo put the tomato down on a ceramic dish, and then he tapped a small blow torch on the desk and said, "This is alcohol."

Keldeo then turned the blow torch on and held the flame close to the tomato, moving the flame all around it until it was burned completely black.

Keldeo turned off the blow torch, pointed to the blackened tomato, and said, "This is your liver on alcohol."

Keldeo looked up at the classroom full of students and asked in a serious tone, "Any questions?"

"Yeah, are you gonna use my liver to make some salsa?" Gallus called out.

The students couldn't help but chuckle at this, although Keldeo hardly found it funny in the slightest.

"No, no; listen class. . ." Keldeo began calmly.

"Is this a way for dragons to make ketchup?" Smolder asked.

"No, it's-."

"Is our liver a vegetable or a fruit?" Sandbar asked.

" _Listen_ , I'm-."

"Why don't you just peel the burnt skin off?" Ocellus asked.

"Will you _please_ -."

"Can I take a closer look at my liver? We didn't have those underwater," Silverstream asked.

"I'm trying to-!"

"Why does Keldeo think tomato is liver? Keldeo is stupid," Yona remarked in innocent frustration.

The sound of all the students laughing louder and louder slowly got Keldeo more and more angry. With teeth grinding and eyes twitching, Keldeo suddenly turned into his Resolute Form and said, "Alright. I showed you what your liver goes through., but it's not over yet! This what your _family_ goes through!"

Keldeo powered up his Secret Sword and slashed at the teacher's desk three times, slicing it apart, much to the shock, disbelief, and fright of the students.

"And your _friends_!" Keldeo shouted as he spun around and slashed the blackboard apart, and he continued to slash up the front part of the classroom with his Secret Sword as he shouted, "And your _money_! And your _job_! And your _self-respect_! And your _future_!"

Panting heavily, Keldeo powered down his Secret Sword and then returned to his normal form. Standing at the front of the class with slashes cut into the walls around him, Keldeo turned to the shocked students and asked in a low tone of voice, "Any questions?"

"Yeah! What the heck kinda liquor did _you_ drink!?" Gallus shouted out loud.

"AUUUUUUUUUGH!" Keldeo shouted as he ran out of the classroom, breaking down the door in the process.

After a long period of silence, Ocellus said shyly, "Do we still get the extra credit for this?"

* * *

 _ **BOOOOOM!**_

A black wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.

 _ **Show must go on**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing the screen to burst

 _ **Show must go on**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

 _ **I'll face it with a grin**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" the Intoxiquer shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'm never giving in  
On with the show**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

 _ **I'll top the bill  
I'll overkill**_

Jack Storm sprung awake wearing his robes and battle ready.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I have to find the will to carry on with the show  
On with the show**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

"V-WHEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd shouted.

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode Twelve: "Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You?" by Roselucky Seven**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL: y7ah6vs8**

Floating over the stone platform amid the shallow water was Victini, wearing a big enthusiastic smile on his face.

"It's me! Victini the Critic! I review it so Keldeo doesn't have to!" Victini said cheerfully, "That's riiiiiiiiight! You're dealing with _me_ now! Ya see, Keldeo kinda had a meltdown while getting ready for this review, so I get to do the review for him!"

Victini put his hands to his mouth and chuckled, then he folded his arms and said, "Good thing too, because _unlike_ Keldeo, I can appreciate how good this fanfic really is! It's called _'Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You'_!"

* * *

" _ **Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You?"**_

 _ **By Roselucky Seven**_

 _Ocellus is tasked with getting only the finest of alcoholic beverages for her underage friends to indulge in. After all, who would suspect the only student to actually study?_

* * *

Victini chuckled some more, and then he said, "Wow! This story is so funny! It's the funniest story I've ever read!"

Victini spun around excitedly and said, "Oh man, I'm too excited! I can't wait anymore! Let's just go!"

* * *

 _The scene was set. Ocellus had been laying in bed, catching up on some much-needed studying._

* * *

"So, while Ocellus is studying, she suddenly has a fantasy of her graduation," Victini said.

* * *

" _And now, without further ado, your first ever valedictorian, Ocellus!"_

 _The applause was heavy as Ocellus ascended the steps of what was to be her graduation stage mere moments from now. Once she finally reached the podium, she cleared her throat. "Mm. Fellow students, over the past few years, we've been through many things together. Avoided obstacles, cleared paths, and most importantly, formed everlasting friendships. With that in mind, there's one thing I want to say…"_

* * *

"Eh-yeeeeeessssssss?" Victini said with a goofy grin. **(1)**

* * *

 _The auditorium was in a hush, everyone patiently awaiting what she had to say. Ocellus used the time to pick out her closest friend, Smolder, from the crowd. She began to laugh abruptly, a maniacal laugh that sent chills throughout the crowd. "I told you I'd be up here and you'd be down there, Smolder! Finally, I beat you at something! All those years of losing to you at Speed and Uno are over!"_

* * *

Victini burst out laughing, rolling in midair as he laughed.

* * *

" _And that's exactly why we'll be giving you this trophy for being the 'Most Awesome Being to Ever Live'," Twilight spoke up, revealing a lifesize statue of Ocellus._

* * *

"YES! AWESOME!" Victini shouted, and he continued laughing good and loud.

* * *

 _Heh, maybe Smolder really is starting to rub off on me in the wrong way, Ocellus chuckled to herself._

* * *

"Sure! Good! I like triumphant Ocellus!" Victini said while nodding enthusiastically as he straightened up again, "So, anyway, then the rest of the Student Six come in, clearly wanting something from her."

* * *

" _Is… something going on?" She inquired._

" _Oh, nothing," Gallus spoke up. "We were just wanting to see how our best buddy ever was doing?"_

* * *

Victini fake-sneezed dramatically, then he said with a grin, "Excuse me, I'm allergic to buttering-up butter. Ya know. The butter that people use to bother other people up. Smolder, can you help us cut to the chase?"

* * *

" _We want you to get us some beer," Smolder added, rather bluntly. "All the teachers talk about how great it tastes, even Fluttershy. We want in."_

* * *

Victini's face was of priceless disbelief, and he said, "Wait, wait, wait! What!? Fluttershy drinks? _Fluttershy!?_ "

Victini them gained a thoughtful expression on his face, then nodded and said, "Actually, this makes sense considering she has to deal with _these two_ on a regular basis." Victini then held up pictures of Angel Bunny and Discord.

"So, of course Ocellus is against the idea at first, because they're too young to drink, but it would be a pretty boring story if they didn't get her to change her mind."

* * *

" _B-but why me?" Ocellus asked, to which pretty much everyone outside of Yona rolled their eyes. "O-oh. Right. Changeling…"_

* * *

" _ **RACIST!**_ " Munna shouted out as she flew by.

"Go console Keldeo or something! Don't bother me!" Victini shouted out after her.

* * *

" _So what do ya say?" Gallus prodded her. "We'd totally owe you."_

" _But what if one of the teachers, or worse, one of the counselors finds out?" Ocellus showed a brief glimpse of panic. "It'll ruin my school career!"_

" _Ocellus, I'm telling you, nobody is going to find out," Smolder replied, one of her claws finding its way to Ocellus's shoulder. "You're like, the coolest changeling we know."_

* * *

"Huh. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the authors are trying to ship Ocellus and Smolder!" Victini said in surprise. But then he smiled and waved his left hand dismissively and said, "Nah!"

* * *

 _Ocellus looked down at her books, then back to her friends. They all had a pleading look on their faces that she just couldn't find it in herself to look away from. She sighed. "Alright, I'll do it. But I get to try it too!"_

" _Deal," Smolder smiled deviously._

* * *

"So, Ocellus heads to the liquor store, and is so nervous that she just throws on a random disguise," Victini said.

 _ **Bubsy:**_ _"What could possibly go wrong?"_

* * *

" _Ah, Princess Celestia!" The clerk shouted at her. "How's my favorite royalty doing today?"_

* * *

 _ **BAM-BAM-BAAAAAAAAAAAM!**_

 _A Deerling turns around dramatically._ **(2)**

Victini burst out laughing again, but he composed himself quicker this time and said, "Oh man! This is seriously _not_ Ocellus' day!"

* * *

" _O-oh," Ocellus replied, shocked. How did I even transform into Princess Celestia?! Oh my gosh, I'm going to be in so much more trouble now if I'm caught. Just gotta try and act natural.m … Crap, what am I even supposed to say?_

* * *

"Talk about cake?" Victini suggested as he held up a copy of the Gabby Gums article that showed Celestia stuffing her face with cake.

* * *

" _No worries, I'm sure you're too busy to chat right now. Gotta sign papers, listen to ponies and all other sorts of creatures complain. It's a tough job. You here for the usual?"_

 _Huh, looks like it won't be that hard at all._

" _Of course, the… usual. That's what I'd like, hehe," Ocellus chortled nervously. The clerk gave her a strange look, but nodded. The door behind him was kicked open, and he disappeared. A brief moment later, he reappeared with what looked like a mountain of alcoholic beverages. "Oh my Celestia."_

" _What's that about yourself?" The clerk peeked out from behind his stock._

" _Oh, nothing," Ocellus replied_

* * *

Victini was confused, and he asked, "Wait, why is Ocellus taking the name of the _pony_ ruler in vain? Shouldn't she have said 'Oh my Thorax'? Even 'Oh my Chrysalis' would have made more sense. . .although that would be pretty much like saying 'Oh my Satan', and nobody says that. . ." Victini frowned in thought and continued, "Well. . . some people _do_ say things like 'What the devil?' so-."

 _ **Monty Python Army:**_ _"GET ON WITH IT!"_

* * *

" _S-so, remind me again. What is the usual?"_

" _Well… normally, I throw in about six cases of Pon Light, four bottles of the finest wine, imported straight from Prance. Then I top it off with a special pick of whiskey or rum. This week's pick is Kraken Black Spiced Rum," he finished, pointing to the drink in question._

* * *

Victini chuckled and said, "Okay, the fact that Celestia needs _this much alcohol_ is a joke in of itself! But if the unicorn nobles are even as half as bad as the fanfic writers portray them to be, I honestly can't blame Celestia for buying this much alcohol. Imagine having to deal with the unicorn version of the Thalmor **(3)** on a daily basis, you'd go insane!"

"So, it turns out Ocellus forget to bring money, but since she's Celestia, she just puts in on her bill, and she tried to get out of there as fast as she can."

* * *

" _Well, I'll see you later!" She yelled, finally making her way out and slamming the door behind her. Letting out a hefty sigh, she whirled around to make her way back to the school, only to let out a shriek._

" _Oh, hi, Princess!"_

" _H-hello, Starlight," 'Celestia' replied. "How are you?"_

" _I'm doing great! The School of Friendship is a success, so I'm picking up a bottle of wine or two to celebrate with the girls." Starlight smiled, her eyes gazing around the numerous bottles help in Ocellus's magical grasp. "Looks like you're gonna be doing some partying too, huh?"_

" _Oh yeah, lots of partying," she tittered. "Well, if you don't mind, I've gotta get back to the scho— er, castle. The castle. Yeah. That's totally what I meant."_

" _Uh… if you say so," Starlight nodded, an eyebrow raised the whole time. "Well, if you see Ocellus, tell her I said hi. I haven't seen her all day…"_

" _I'll be sure to do that!" Ocellus shouted, panic finally overtaking her as she flew off, her beverages trailing behind her the whole time. Starlight watched as she flew off, before shrugging._

" _Eh, wouldn't be the first time Celestia's acted a little strange."_

* * *

 _ **Starlight:**_ _"I mean, sure, it_ _ **was**_ _because I cast a spell on her that switched her Cutie Mark with Luna's, but whatever! It's not like there's a student at the school I work at that can shapeshift into anyone she wants to!"_

"And the Darwin Award goes to. . ." Victini announced grandly.

* * *

 _The door to Ocellus's room swung open, and she quickly sidled in with her haul. Once she was certain nobody had seen her, she slammed it shut and locked up. "I'm back."_

" _Alright!" Smolder excitedly shouted. "And you got a lot."_

* * *

Victini got a serious expression on his face, and he said, "Ladies and gentlemen. I give you. . . the _funniest_ scene of the entire fanfic."

* * *

" _Hmmm…" Yona looked at the bottle curiously. It was almost pure black, but as she uncorked it, she could smell what resembled… honey? "Smell like honey. Yona gonna drink now!"_

 _Any warnings from her friends were ignored as Yona chugged basically the entire bottle down in less than ten seconds. The yak let out a ghastly burp, and her friends couldn't help but break out into laughter._

* * *

"AW, YEAH!" Victini shouted, and he fell down flat on his back as he kicked his legs during his fit of laughter, "OH! MY! GOSH! Did Yona just become the Demoman's spirit animal!"

 _ **RED Demoman:**_ _"They got more sea monsters in the great Loch Ness than they got the likes of me!"_

* * *

 _Of course, that all changed when the door was all but broken open, revealing a very miffed looking Celestia._

* * *

Victini quickly sat up straight and stared with wide eyes. "Oh man, oh man, oh man!" he said nervously.

* * *

" _You thought you could throw a party… without me!"_

" _... What."_

" _Silly ponies, didn't you hear? I abolished that silly age limit last year. The new limit is sixteen, so you could have just bought it legally."_

" _WHAT?!" They all shouted, equally frustrated._

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAH!**_ _ **  
**_

"HA-HA-HA! You see how awesome this story is with its twists and turns? It's _genius!_ " Victini cheered loudly.

* * *

 _Celestia didn't bother replying, instead grabbing her favorite drink and uncorking it. "So, what do you say we all get to know each other a bit?"_

" _Dude, why are ponies so freaking cool?" Gallus laughed._

* * *

"Those are the words of every single person who ever became a Brony!" Victini said with a smile.

* * *

" _Hey, betcha can't beat me in a drinking contest, Ocellus," Smolder challenged her friend._

" _You're on," Ocellus smiled. Who knows, maybe she'd finally win._

* * *

"After all she went through, she sure _deserves_ to win!" Victini shouted, and then he burst out into laughter let again. He put a hand to his stomach as he calmed down a bit, then he said, "Oh WOW! This has got to be the funniest MLP fanfic of 2018! I love it! I-."

"SON OF A _BISCUIT_! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, VICTINI!?"

Victini turned around fast to see Keldeo marching straight towards him with a scowl on his face.

"Uh. . . giving you a day off?" Victini said with an innocent grin.

"Are you giving this. . . _thing_ a positive review!?" Keldeo asked angrily.

Victini pouted and said, "Okay, hold it right there, Keldeo! The author worked hard on this-."

"Uh, no," Keldeo said flatly, "Didn't you read the author's note?"

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes:**_

 _I don't know what I was on when I wrote this. Definitely not my best work, but something to help get those creative juices flowing again._

* * *

Victini blinked, then he said, "Well, okay. . . but _come on,_ Keldeo! You've reviewed both _Palace Pets_ and _Fennekin of evil_! This fanfic isn't _that_ bad!"

"This fanfic is _immoral_!" Keldeo shouted, punctuating the statement with a slam of his hoof into the shallow water.

"And _you_ are _nuts_!" Victini shouted while flailing his arms around.

Keldeo jumped up onto the rock platform, nudging Victini out of the way, and he said, "You don't see it, huh? Fine! Let me enlighten you to how _disgusting_ this story is!"

"Sheesh! You're worse than Sandbar. . ." Victini muttered.

"First of all," Keldeo began, "This story has Ocellus giving in to peer pressure!"

"Oh, come on! Seriously, Keldeo!" Victini complained, "Friends _always_ influence their other friends!"

"Well _good_ friends don't 'influence' friends into breaking the law!" Keldeo shouted angrily.

"Celestia lowered the drinking age to 16! They weren't underage!" Victini argued.

"But _they_ didn't know that! As far as they were concerned, they _were_ breaking the law. In their hearts and minds, they were doing something wrong, and that's where it matters!" Keldeo said.

 _ **The Mysterious Mr. Enter:**_ _"What I am doing is wrong. I know it is wrong. But I'm gonna do it anyway."_

"Besides," Keldeo went on, "Ocellus _did_ break the law!"

"Huh? When?" Victini asked.

Keldeo grit his teeth in anger, then he said, "When she _impersonated_ the rule of Equestria and used Celestia's credit to steal. . .oh, how much was that alcohol worth?"

* * *

 _Celestia levitated the receipt close enough to read, "Seven hundred and eighty three bits worth of alcohol."_

* * *

Keldeo stomped his right forehoof and said, "You know what the human world equivalent of this is? IDENTITY THEFT! If this was an Equestria Girls fanfics, then Ocellus would have stolen Principal Celestia's credit card information and used it to order the alcohol online. Do you have any idea what a serious crime identity theft is?"

"How would I know?!" Victini shouted back, "I was trapped in a castle for thousands of years!"

"You've been free for 6 or 7 years!" Keldeo argued back.

" _Josh Scorcher_ takes MLP less seriously than you do!" Victini complained, "And his show on FOB Equestria is _literally_ called _Taking Ponies Too Seriously!_ "

"Yona _died!_ " Keldeo said angrily.

". . . What?" Victini asked in utter bewilderment.

"She drank an entire bottle of rum in one sitting. The liver can only handle 10 grams of alcohol per hour. Drink more than that, and you're _dead,_ " Keldeo said seriously, "This fanfic _killed_ my favorite Student Six character!"

"But the Demoman-."

"Are you _serious_? The Team Frotress 2 characters get blown up, shot, and set on fire all the time! They just somehow get brought back to life every time, so _obviously_ the Demoman can drink as much as he wants- _what the hay am I talking about, THIS FANFIC IS AWFUL!_ " Keldeo's teeth were clenched and his pupils were dilated with rage.

Floyd suddenly jumped in and rang a Soothe Bell nice and loud. The sound visibly calmed Keldeo down, and his eyes clamed down and his teeth unclenched.

As the Pichu walked off, Victini flew over to Keldeo's face and gently put his hands on Keldeo's cheeks. Victini looked Keldeo right in the eye and said, "Hey. . . Keldeo. . . buddy. . . stop. . . Just stop and think for a moment. I mean, first you get all offended by _Virizion 2.6_ 's story, and now you're all upset by this silly little fanfic that is probably not gonna convince anyone to chug entire bottles of rum any time soon. What's the matter, pal?"

Keldeo blinked his eyes, then he let out a sigh and said, "I'm a Sword of Justice."

Victini chuckled and said, "To quote the Crobat, _'No ship, Sherlock!'_."

Keldeo remained serious, and he continued, "Victini, as a Sword of Justice, I have certain standards of honor and truth and chivalry that I have to uphold. And. . .well. . . I've been worried lately that I might be slipping up. I mean. . . look, in my mind, there are specific, proper ways for males to behave around and interact with ladies. And to be blunt, _a lot_ of people die every year because of alcohol. Plus, I really do care about the Student Six, so seeing them use peer pressure on one of their own to make her commit a crime, and then see them all get ready to get drunk and possibly kill themselves. . . it just. . ."

Keldeo sighed and hung his head, "As both a Sword of Justice and a Pokemon that wants to see and do the right thing. . . it hurts. I wanted to help them . . to protect them. That's why I tried to do that seminar at the school. But not even that worked out. . . I . . . I failed them."

"Keldeo didn't fail!" shouted the voice of Yona.

Victini flew back from Keldeo, and the two of them turned to see none other than the Student Six standing in the shallow water a few feet away from them. The six creatures looked equal parts ashamed and apologetic.

"We're sorry about all those jokes we made," Gallus said begrudgingly.

Silverstream nodded enthusiastically and said, "Yeah! We're sorry! We're supper sorry!"

Ocellus gave a nod as well, and she said, "We understand that you were just trying to warn us of the dangers of drinking alcohol."

"But would it have killed ya to have explained it in a clearer way?" Smolder asked in annoyance, "Seriously? A burnt tomato is our liver? What are we supposed to do with that?"

"And then you kinda went crazy at the end there," Sandbar said tentatively, "Sure, we were being kinda rude, but did you really have to start chopping up the classroom."

" _Anyway,_ " Ocellus cut in, "After the seminar, we talked with Guidance Counselor Glimmer, and she explained what you were trying to tell us."

"Seriously, just tell us the truth and we'll get the idea! Don't scare the Tartarus out of us!" Gallus said loudly.

"But still," Ocellus said with certainty, "We're all sorry for the way we acted."

The Student Six all nodded.

Keldeo beheld the six creatures standing before him. He sniffed loudly, and he said, "Wow. . . I. . . I just. . ." Keldeo smiled, "It's okay. I forgive you all, and I'm sorry for trying to be too dramatic and losing my temper at the end. And while _I_ would suggest to just stay away from alcohol altogether, I realize now that it's your own choice. It's every individual's choice. So, if any of you ever _do_ decide to drink alcohol, just keep in mind the risks and long-term effects of it on your bodies and minds."

"Yona will be careful! Yona no want to be stupid drunk yank with broken liver," Yona said proudly.

Suddenly, a portal opened up revealing Starlight Glimmer on the other side.

"Alright, everycreature! Come on back!" Starlight said.

The Student Six all waved goodbye, and then jumped back into the portal one by one. Then, it closed with a flash.

Keldeo smiled and nodded, then he turned to Victini and said, "I admit it. This fanfic was kinda funny."

Victini's jaw dropped.

Keldeo kept on smiling and nodded again, "I mean it. Ocellus' fantasy at the beginning was as golden as the trophy she got in it. Ocellus somehow turning into _Princess Celestia_ of all ponies was so wild that it was funny. Seriously, this did have some funny moments in it."

Keldeo then frowned and said, "However, most of this fanfic did feel _wrong_ to me. The fact that Ocellus _was_ peer pressured into committing a crime, and Yona drinking all that rum, really does bother me."

Keldeo then gave a sigh and smiled again, "But, I suppose it all ended okay enough in the end. Celestia will be there to make sure none of the students get too drunk. Who knows? Maybe she has a spell that can magically remove the alcohol out of their bodies so no one dies of alcohol poisoning. And yes, I know it seems kinda dumb for me to talk about topics like this while reviewing a My Little Pony fanfic, but like I said, I'm a Sword of Justice, so I take stuff like this extra seriously. Maybe a bit too seriously, but I just really get invested in characters I like. So, if you like crazy stories like this one, go ahead and enjoy them. Just don't imitate them in real life, and it'll be okay."

Victini finally managed to close his mouth, and he smiled and said, "Wow, Keldeo. Looks like this story was just what you needed!"

Keldeo nodded, "Sure was, Victini. Thanks for suggesting it."

"No prob! So, what are you gonna talk about next time?" Victini asked cheerfully.

"Flash Sentry!" Keldeo said just as cheerfully.

"Bye," Victini said quickly right before zipping away as fast as he could.

Keldeo grinned triumphantly and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it, so you don't have to!"

* * *

 _ **Next Editorial:**_ _The Ending of "How to Disappear Completely" by shortskirtsandexplosions_

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 **(1)** Frank Nelson **(TinyURL:** **y7aw4bet)**

 **(2)** _(500 SUBS SPECIAL) MMD Pokémon/Godzilla - Dramatic Deerling (Random Video)_ by Cristopher Vicente Velázquez **(TinyURL: y94us22w)**

 **(3)** _The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim_

 _ **Other References**_

 _This Is Your Brain on Drugs (1987)_ feat John Roselius

 _This Is Your Brain on Heroin (1997)_ feat Rachael Leigh Cook

 _Team Fortress 2-_ Valve

 _The Mysterious Mr. Enter_

 _FOB Equestria_


	37. E12:End of How To Disappear Completely

_**Show must go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 12: The Ending of** _ **How To Disappear Completely**_ **by shortskirtsandexplosions**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it, so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a smile, "Let's talk about Flash Sentry."

Keldeo quickly covered his ears with his forehooves as a large unseen crowd began booing and complaining unintelligibly as loud as they could.

"Alright, alright, I know! Most people don't like Flash Sentry!" Keldeo shouted over the noise, "But can I at least get a word in edgewise?"

The crowd fell silent, and Keldeo put his forehooves back down.

"That's better. Okay, so look, _Equestria Girls_ was a bad movie," Keldeo frowned and said, "Okay, I'll be fair. It wasn't very good. It was mediocre and not very interesting, and the whole entire premise was just weird. It might have also been a way for Hasbro to make money off of the popularity of _Monster High,_ but I can't prove that right now."

Keldeo gained a quizzical expression and said, "Be that as it may, I have to ask. . . how is that movie's failure in any way Flash Sentry's fault? I mean, the only problem people bring up about his is that he was just a bland stereotypical love interest for Twilight. But that's not _his_ fault. That's the _movie's_ fault. And wasn't Flash the one who cleared Twilight's name when Sunset tried framing her for vandalizing the gym? Sure, any other character could have done that, but still, he did do something. Plus, he is a legitimately nice guy. He even went along with Twilight's horrible dancing at the end of the movie."

Keldeo's frown returned and he said, "In fact, when I step back and take a look at the _Equestria Girls_ series as a whole, I have to say that Flash Sentry might actually be a tragic character. Think about it, things got worse and worse for him as this series went on. He's been brainwashed by Sunset, the Sirens, and Wallflower; Twilight dumped him for the version of him in Equestria, who has far less character and has literally done _nothing_ for Twilight; Sunset isn't interested in him anymore; the human Twilight Sparkle is so different from the Equestrian version that there's no way they'll ever get together; and all of the main characters seemed to have snubbed him and barely associate with him."

Keldeo lowered his head and sighed, "Wow. . . poor guy. . ."

Keldeo raised his head back up again and continued, "Well, it turns out I'm not the only one who see this, because shortskirtsandexplosions, who also goes by the name of Imploding Colon when writing his _Austraeoh – Rainbow Dash Flies East_ series, wrote a fanfic all about Flash Sentry's turmoil and the new adventure it leads him to go on: _How To Disappear Completely._ "

* * *

 _ **How to Disappear Completely**_

 _ **By shortskirtsandexplosions**_

 _ **Rated T**_

 _Flash Sentry's world sucks. Maybe it's high time he left it._

* * *

"And, uh, yeah, that summary isn't an exaggeration, sadly," Keldeo said with an awkward smile, "You see, while the stuff I already listed would be reason enough to feel bad for Flash, the author adds a whole bunch of other problems to Flash' life, and I kinda think the author went overboard with it. In this story, Flash's parents violent fight every day, Flash loses his guitar, and his own circle of friends turn on him."

Keldeo sighed and shook his head, "Yeah, this was a mistake. If you make the character's life this awful, it just becomes so cliched and makes him too much of a woobie. You could've only added one of these things and it would've been enough."

Keldeo refocused and said, "Anyway, so Flash does what anyone would do in this situation: he goes through the portal to start his life over as a Pegasus in Equestria."

Keldeo smiled broadly and said, "This is where the story _really_ gets good. Flash doesn't just immediately get it. It takes time for him to acclimate to his new body and new surroundings. He needs to get a job to make money, he needs to learn how to fly, and he also needs to make new friends; and all of this happens organically at an easy pace. The first few chapters are mostly slice of life, and they just feel so nice."

Keldeo got excited as he continued, "But then, we go into some adventure territory with action and tense situations! This is Equestria, after all! It's a fantasy world with monsters and magic."

Keldeo then calmed down a bit and said, "But near the end of the story, the author shows off his genius by having Flash decided to return to the human world. To many people, this sounds like the stupidest thing anyone would do. Why go leave a world of magic and adventure for a world so boring and mundane by comparison. That would be like a Pokemon Trainer going to a world without Pokemon, right?"

Keldeo smiled wisely and said, "Well, within the context of this fanfic and Equestria Girls, the author is teaching us an important lesson. We all have problems and personal struggles in our lives, and while it's nice to escape into the magical fantasy lands we find in book, television, or video games; we can't stay in those worlds forever. We have to take a chance and try to change our _real_ lives in the _real_ world. We need to be strong and courageous enough to face whatever issues we're dealing with, even if it hurts sometimes. And if we have friends and family to fall back on, then we can succeed without a doubt."

Keldeo stood smiling confidently for a moment. Still keeping the smile, he said, "Then the ending happened."

Keldeo's smile fell and said, "Yeah, the ending is a case of some serious controversy. Fimfiction's review system is set up like a YouTube comments section, meaning certain stories can have all out _wars_ in their reviews with people having arguments with each other that can span 20 links or more."

Keldeo made a wry face, then continued, "You see, after returning to the human world, Flash's problems haven't gone away, of course. His parents still violently despise each other, and there are still students at school who still treat him in the vilest ways possible. Now, you would think it the story would end with Sunset and the rest of the main characters rallying around him and supporting him. In fact, Sunset and others _do_ send him a whole bunch of text messages during his first day back asking if he needs anything and if they can meet up some time to hang out and stuff. But guess what? Flash sees the messages, but not only doesn't even read them, but just throws his cell phone away? Why?"

Keldeo said with a straight face, "He decides to become a hobo."

Keldeo stood silently for a moment, then he said, "I'm totally serious right now."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, he _does_ leave a letter explaining what he's planning to do, so naturally Sunset catches up to him and tries to talk some sense into him."

* * *

 _"Just look at yourself, Flash!" She gestured at his three bulging backpacks. "What is this?! Rehearsal for the Hobo Olympics?"_

* * *

Keldeo stifled a laugh, but then returned to his serious expression and said, "Sorry, sorry."

* * *

 _"What's the matter with relying on your friends, huh?! What part of_ _ **'we're all here for you, Flash'**_ _don't you friggin' understand?!" She gestured wildly._

* * *

"Exactly!" Keldeo shouted, "Isn't that what he should have learned in Equestria? Seriously, how is Flash gonna rationalize this decision?!"

* * *

 _"I had a vision today," Flash murmured, cool as fog off a glacier._

* * *

Keldeo blinked his eyes slowly. "Okay. . ." he said.

* * *

 _"I was swimming in a tide full of drowning, blind people. The water was shallow, and any of us could have walked to shore at any time. I suddenly understood this, and I understood that I didn't understand it for so long. And when I looked around, I saw the source of my misunderstanding. It was the levees built out of excuses—by those ahead of us and ourselves included—that keep us drowning. Slowly. Over time. And just because the flood guards were designed to make the drowning seem slow and painless over a long period, it still drowned us all the same. With no reward, no benefits, no gain." He shrugged. "You see, Sunset... in more ways than one, what's right in front of us can very easily—very comfortably—becomes the 'long term' way faster than we'd like to think. I'm no longer satisfied with that. I'm prepared to walk ashore."_

* * *

"Go here: **TinyURL: y8ou8abg** ," Keldeo said flatly, "Just go there for a response for this. Please. Because I just don't wanna waste my time thinking of a proper response to something this. . . _pretentious_ and weird. I just need to let someone else do the work for once."

* * *

 _Her brow furrowed. "What do you even think you're going to do? Huh? Solve all the problems in the world by being_ _homeless?_ _I mean... what's so damn_ _sinful_ _about having a support group of friends and... and-and-and... a_ _ **foundation**_ _or a_ _home_ _to work with?! I mean—is it your folks?! Just say the word and we'll find you a better place to live!"_

 _"There are_ _people_ _who are_ _ **able**_ _and_ _ **willing**_ _to help you with these kinds of issues, Flash!" Sunset insisted, her angry voice teetering on a sob once again. "The world isn't as horrible as you think it is! And even if it was, we can still find you a better place to start living!"_

 _"You know what happens to people who run out full-ham into the world on some extreme quest to fix things?! They disappear, Flash! They_ _ **disappear**_ _and they change_ _nothing!_ _This whole crazy 'rotten' world?! Nothing changes with extreme stunts like that! Like_ _this!_ _" She slapped one hand against the other. "It. Takes._ _ **Order**_ _—Flash! Order and harmony! And_ _friends!_ _Everything I've ever learned—every lesson I've ever suffered through—proves this to be true! Social networks and groups are what make life flow down the proper channels! Surely somewhere in that martyr-fetish heart of yours you have the capacity to_ _understand that!_ _"_

* * *

"That's all 100% true!" Keldeo shouted, "Even _Jesus_ had disciples! And yet Flash just ignores all of this and walks off, and Sunset has to let him go because she can't exactly hold him against his will. Flash is just so. . . _pretentious_ with this air that he's been enlightened by a higher power or something. . . I don't even. . ."

* * *

 _"The first friend you make in this world is yourself, and I need to make sure I'm right with him. Just like you had to make sure you were right with yourself. But where it worked for you, it can't work for me. We're just different people, Sunset. I can't find who I am—and how I can help the world—in this place... in this prison." He shook his head. "Nor can I do it in the home where you're from... which is a fantasy. But out there...?" He gestured down the trail. "There's_ _reality_ _waiting for me. And I have to go find it. No matter how difficult it may be. I have to go_ _help it_ _..._ _ **heal it**_ _... just like I've been. By you and by others." He finished this with a smile._

* * *

"Don't smile at me, you-," Keldeo fidgeted with frustration for a bit, then he said, "I don't even know what to call you? I mean, you're not stupid, but you're certainly not wise; and I don't think crazy is the right word for whatever it is you are. _What are you_?"

Keldeo frowned a bit, then he reasoned, "My best guess is that living with those horrible parents did some extreme damage to his mind. I'm sure if he _had_ gotten help and found a better place to live, he wouldn't be resorting to _this._ "

Keldeo nodded his head and said, "So, is this ending really all that bad-OF COURSE IT IS!"

Keldeo sighed and shook his head, "I mean, what are we even supposed to do with this? It's not like Sunset is just angrily yelling at him without providing any promising alternatives. She's providing some pretty sage advice here. Too bad talking to Flash is just like talking to a brick wall! This could have been an incredible slice of life/adventure story about taking what you've learned from fantasy and applying it in your real life. That's literally the whole point of _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic._ But instead, Flash just goes:"

 _ **Applejack:**_ _"Ah didn't learn anything!"_ **(1)**

"-and goes off to die a homeless loser!" Keldeo complained, "Great job, shortskirtsandexplosions! You just ruined what could have been an awesome story!"

Keldeo grumbled a bit, then he said, "And if you expected me to dissect the ending a bit more or talk about Flash's reasoning or something. . . well. . . Sunset pretty much does it for me! Her dialogue I just showed you sums just about everything up when it comes to the smart way to change the world and make the best out of your life, and you can always just read the last chapter of the fanfic yourself to get the rest of the context. But seriously, there's nothing left me to say, and Flash is so impossible at this point that I don't think I could analyze him even if I wanted to."

Keldeo was still grumpy as he said, "Okay, I need to review a Pokemon fanfic. Fast. And it needs to be a long one too. And I don't even _care_ what the subject matter is!"

Suddenly, a Floatzel staggered through the shallow water, hiccupping as he approached Keldeo's rock platform. The Floatzel's eyes were crossed and red, and he sang out in a slurred voice:

" _Nobody knows_ *hic* _how dry_ *hic* _I am!_

*hic* _Nobody knows. . ._ *hic* _how dry I am!_ " **(2)**

The Floatzel then collapsed with his head and forepaws resting on the rock while the rest of his body floated in the water.

Keldeo stared at the Floatzel with a stunned expression on his face. Then Keldeo slowed looked straight ahead, and his head was suddenly replaced with a Mudbray's head which went, "Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"

* * *

 **Next Review:** _Shades of Red_ by flaretempest

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 **(1)** _MLP:FiM – Season 2 Episode 15- Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000_

 _ **(2)**_ _Merrie Melodies- A Pest in The House (1947)_

 _ **Other Credits**_

 _Austreoh_ by Imploding Colon (Wiki at **TinyURL: yb3ejkdr** )

 _FimFictionNet_

 _TinyURL_

 _Nostalgia Critic- Lady in the Water_

 _Looney Tunes_


	38. Shades of Red- Part 1

_**BOOOOOM!**_

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

 _ **I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'M NEVER GIVING IN!  
ON WITH THE SHOW!**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

 _ **I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!  
On. . . with the show. . .**_

 _ **On. . . with the show. . .**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"SPOILERS!" Zorua exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

 _ **SHOW!**_

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 13: Shades of Red by flaretempest**

Munna, Zorua, Floyd, and Victini were all gathered together on the rock platform that Keldeo does his reviews on. Victini was floating around in circles, clearly pacing nervously.

"Are you sure this is even something worth getting so nervous about?" Munna asked with uncertainty.

"YES!" Victini shouted loudly, "Do you guys have any idea what's in the fanfic Keldeo's gonna review today? No? Well, I'll tell ya-."

"SPOILERS!" Zorua shouted.

"You haven't done a review for more than a year," Victini replied incredulously.

"But. . . spoilers?" Zorua said weakly.

Victini groaned, and he waved his arms around in a panic as he said, "Don't you get it? This story has. . . well. . . the shorter answer is what _doesn't_ this story have! The alcohol is the least of our worries!"

Getting a little impatient, Munna asked, "How is this our problem?"

"Keldeo is gonna _EXPLODE_ when he reviews this fanfic!" Victini said, "You remember how crazy he got when he reviewed _Liberty Garden Volume 1_ and then ' _Ocellus Some Beer, Won't You?'_ If he reads _this,_ while we're within a 3-mile radius of him, we'll all be-!"

"Hi guys!" Keldeo called out cheerfully as he landed solidly on the platform all four hooves after his flight via Hydro Pump."

"Yikes!" Victini shouted as he flinched back from Keldeo. Then he blinked his eyes inquisitively and said, "Keldeo. . . you're smiling. . ."

"Yep!" Keldeo said, still in a cheerful mood.

"But. . . you know you're reviewing _Shades of Red_ by flaretempest, right?" Victini asked tentatively.

"Oh, sure! This is gonna be great!" Keldeo said excitedly.

Victini's eyes went wide and he said, "You're _happy_ about reviewing this fanfic?!"

 _ **DUN-DUN-DUUUUNNNNNNN!**_

Victini glared at Floyd, who had played the dramatic sting on his guitar, and said, "Would you cut that out?!"

"But I've only played it once!" Floyd cried out indignantly.

Keldeo sighed and said, "Yeah, I guess I did react negatively when I first heard that I was reviewing it, I admit it. But I really _did_ learn from the mistakes I made during the last two reviews I did. I needed to stop using my status as a Sword of Justice as an excuse to go overboard with condemning anything I disagree with. There's a time and a place for everything."

Victini wasn't entirely convinced, so he asked, "But don't you disagree with the things the character do and the way the character behave in _Shades of Red_?"

Keldeo nodded, "Well, yeah. Of course, I do. But there's a little something that flaretempest does to make it actually quite enjoyable."

* * *

 _ **Shades of Red**_

 _ **By: flaretempest**_

 _Ash has made it to the championship match of the Sinnoh League, but he is distracted by the absence of someone, and is too nervous to reveal his feelings, so his Pokemon take matters into their own hands. Advanceshipping, AshxMay. Warning: Major OOC._

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Ash K./Satoshi, May/Haruka - Chapters: 14 - Words: 21,257 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 55 - Updated: Oct 18, 2009 - Published: Jul 1, 2009 - id: 5183313_

* * *

"Did ya see it? Did ya see it? That warning at the end," Keldeo said with a grin.

Munna frowned and read aloud, " _'Warning: Major OOC'_? Huh?"

"OOC means Out Of Character," Keldeo explained, "And warning us that the characters will be acting out of character ahead of time makes all the difference."

"How!?" Victini asked, still utterly confused by the turn of events, "When is a fanfic where the characters are not _in character_ ever a good thing? And doesn't telling you this ahead of time fall into the territory of _'saying you're doing something painful and stupid doesn't make it any less painful and stupid'_?" **(1)**

Keldeo shook his head, "Not really, Victini. You see, by labeling this story specifically as an OOC fanfic, what that means is we're in for a story where the character personalities altered and exaggerated ever so slightly for the sake of comedy. In a story like, let's say, _Fennekin of evil_ by arvinsharifzadeh, the characters are all out of character for pointless reasons to the point that they've been completely rewritten. Bonnie and Clemont don't care about each other. Fennekin and Serena don't love each one moment, then they do, then Fennekin kills Serena. The Pokemon are only a bit annoyed by the deaths of their Trainers. It's just a big mess."

Keldeo shuddered and shook the memories out of his head, then continued, "Sure, there are bad OOC fanfics, but _good_ OOC fanfics not only make sure to warn the audience up front, but also build off the true nature of these characters and are respectful to the bonds they have with each other, while also putting them in situations and having them do things that are so off the wall that you can't help but laugh at it."

"Well, emergency meeting canceled. Let's go," Munna said briskly as she flew off with Zorua and Floyd close behind.

"Hey, wait up!" Victini shouted as he flew after him, "Keldeo might still get angry later on!"

Keldeo chuckled and shook his head, and he said, "Well then, let's get on with it. This is _Shades of Red._ "

* * *

" _Why do I keep thinking about her? I called her three days ago, and she told me there was no chance that she could make it. I've just got to put her out of my head, and concentrate on tomorrow's battle._ "

* * *

"So yeah, this is an Advanceshipping story, meaning Ash likes May," Keldeo said, and he shrugged and said, "I _really_ think that Iris is perfect for Ash, but whatever. I'm interested in seeing where the author's gonna go with this."

* * *

 _"Ash, what've you been doing all day? Tomorrow is one of the biggest Pokemon battles you'll ever be in! It's the Sinnoh League Championship match, for sake!" By this time, Dawn was red in the face from shouting, and had placed herself in front of Ash, hands on her hips. "I can't believe you! You spend so much time working to get where you are, and now you're just about to throw it all away!" As she shouted, her face inched closer and closer to Ash's face with every word, until all Ash could see was her crimson face._

* * *

"Aha!" Keldeo said, sounding intrigued, "Here we have Fanfic Trope #179: _'When writing a shipping story with the focus on the male character, any female from any opposing shipping must be a complete jerk.'_ Toadettegirl's a master at this trope. That's why we got the Misty in _A Different Kind of Princess._ "

"Anyway, even Ash's Sinnoh Pokemon team have noticed how distracted Ash is."

* * *

 _"(I am worried about Ash. He seems so distracted. I hope he will return to his normal self in time for tomorrow's match)," Torterra worried._

 _"(I can't help but wonder what is distracting him. He is always concentrated on battling and training. What has happened to him?)," Gliscor added._

 _"(Perhaps he has finally realized that there are other things in life than Pokemon battling. It is unfortunate that he has only discovered this when we need his battling skills the most)," Staraptor said gravely._

 _Ever the comedian, Floatzel couldn't resist adding_

* * *

"STOP!" Keldeo shouted in disbelief, "Floatzel? _Floatzel?_ Why is there a Floatzel here? Ash's Buizel never evolved! Sure, I know this is an Out Of Character fanfic, but you still need to get _what the characters actually_ _are_ correct! You can't just evolve Pokemon off-screen like this!"

Victini flew in and said excitedly, "Ah-ha! You're mad! You're _really_ mad! I knew it! I-."

"Victini, what are you talking about?" Keldeo said calmly.

Victini frowned and said, "But. . . you were mad."

"I was the _normal amount_ of mad for my reviews. I'm not gonna go full on rage for something like this," Keldeo explained, but then he narrowed his eyes angrily and said, "Even though it is _so annoying!_ "

Victini grinned widely.

"Victini, _please_ , you're gonna make the review even longer than it's gonna be," Keldeo said in annoyance.

Victini huffed and flew off saying, "Well excuuuuuuse me!"

Keldeo nodded and refocused on the review. "So anyway, _errrrrrgh, Floatzel_ decides to make a joke that pretty much the entire world has made about Ash in some shape or form."

* * *

 _Ever the comedian, Floatzel couldn't resist adding sarcastically: "(What else could he possibly love as much as battling? A_ _girl_ _?)."_

 _At these words, everyone broke in raucous laughter. Infernape was rolling around on the ground, clutching his stomach while roaring with laughter. Torterra was chortling so hard that the ground started to rumble. Gliscor was bouncing around on its scorpion-like tail as tears of laughter streamed its eyes. Only Floatzel and Staraptor seemed able to control their mirth, but soon they too submitted to laughter._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "I hate to say it, but I don't blame people for making this joke. I mean, Serena _kissed him_ at the end of X and Y-."

 _"SPOILERS!_ " Zorua shouted as he peeked his head in and then quickly left.

"-and nothing came out of it. He probably thought she was just being friendly or something."

Keldeo frowned and said, "I feel bad for Ash. He's an amazing person. He's a hero. He deserves someone to truly care for him and make him feel a higher level of happiness, and a headstrong yet kind and caring Dragon Master like Iris would be perfect!"

Keldeo smiled sheepishly, "But I digress. Anyway, since this is fanfiction, we get to see a world where Ash _is_ interested in love, and Pikachu himself is the one who fills his Sinnoh friends in about this new development.

* * *

 _"(Why are you not laughing Pikachu? This is some of the funniest stuff I've heard. Imagine, Ash with a_ _girl_ _)," Infernape managed to gasp out between laughs._

 _He replied seriously. "(I'm not laughing because I know that Floatzel was right)."_

 _As soon as these words left Pikachu's mouth, the laughter immediately died out. Everyone listening turned toward him with shocked expressions and simultaneously shouted "WHAT?!"_

 _"(WHAT?! ASH?! Dense little Ash?!)," Infernape said incredulously._

 _Ever the serious one, Staraptor replied "(As unlikely as it seems to some)", he glared at Infernape and Floatzel as he said this, "(we should be supporting Ash in his endeavor, not mocking him for it)."_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged and said, "You know, they don't seem to be that much Out Of Character right now. Sure, they're exaggerated a little bit, but I don't think it feels that far off."

* * *

 _"(You guys wouldn't know her because you weren't with Ash when he traveled through Hoenn. Her name is May. She's a coordinator and she-)"_

 _Torterra interrupted. "(Wait a second. May? Could it be the same May who placed in the top eight in the Hoenn Grand Festival and in the top four in the Kanto Grand Festival?)"_

 _Everyone stared at him, and he seemed to turn red. "(What? I read the newspapers people leave lying around)."_

 _"(But how can you turn the pages if you don't have any-)"_

 _Staraptor interrupted Gliscor. "(I think it is best if we let Pikachu continue)."_

* * *

 _ **Tootsie-Pop Commercial Announcer:**_ _"The world may never know."_

"So Pikachu fills everyone in about who May is and what she does, and the Pokemon decide to do what they can to help Ash win May's heart."

* * *

 _"(Yeah, and then we can help Ash_ _get some!_ _)" This earned Floatzel a smack on the back of the head from Staraptor's wing._

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _"*Mwah!* Goodnight everybody!"_

Keldeo nodded, "Okay, I think Floatzel is gonna be the most Out Of Character in this fanfic. After all, he's already the wrong Pokemon!"

* * *

 _By nightfall, the three friends had made it back to the Pokemon Center, with Pikachu resting contentedly on Ash's shoulder and Piplup ambling alongside Dawn. They had barely made it through the entrance when Ash's stomach started to growl._

 _"You may be a little distracted, but some things never change," Dawn teased. Her cheerful demeanor vanished instantly when she saw Ash's face fall._

" _Some things never change, but why did May have to leave?_ _" he thought sorrowfully._

 _"Ash, are you alright?" she asked, her eyes laden with worry._

 _"I'm fine. I'm just... disappointed that we won't be eating Brock's cooking tonight," he replied, thinking quickly._

 _At the thought of Brock's food, both started to drool, but they hastily wiped it away before anyone noticed._

* * *

"Well, aside from the being in love thing, Ash is in character!" Keldeo said with a grin.

"So, that night, Pikachu get up, grabs a picture of Ash and the Hoenn gang after Ash completed the Battle Frontier, and takes the team's Pokeballs outside for a little meeting. But before we get to that, we get a look into a dream Ash is having."

* * *

 _He was standing in the middle of the stadium where the battles of the Sinnoh League took place. Ash was momentarily blinded by flashes from thousands of cameras, and didn't immediately notice the sound of the crowd: they were laughing at him. When his vision cleared, he saw Drew and May standing across from him. His heart leapt into his throat. They were holding hands, and in his free hand, Drew held a gold trophy almost as tall as himself: the trophy of the Sinnoh League Champion. May was pointing and laughing at Ash, and Drew had a sneer on his face._

 _"DREW! How'd you become the Sinnoh champ? You didn't even enter the tournament!" yelled an exasperated Ash._

 _"It doesn't matter Ash. I'm so amazing they just gave it to me on the spot. And besides, even if you won the tournament, you wouldn't have been named the Sinnoh Champ. You're too weak to deserve it," he responded in a snotty voice._

 _Then, Drew and May turned their faces towards each other, and leaned closer and closer together…_

 _"NOOOO!" Ash yelled in horror as the jeers of the crowd pounded his ears._

 _Ash woke to find himself sitting up in his bed again._

 _"It was just a dream. May will never fall for Drew. She's too smart for that," he said unconvincingly to himself. And with that, he fell back into a fitful sleep._

* * *

"Also, Drew is a jerk that could probably be comfortably placed between Blue and Silver in the Rival Character Attitude Spectrum," Keldeo said flatly.

"So Pikachu and the rest of the group meet outside, and Pikachu shows them the photograph."

* * *

 _"(Here's a photo that Ash carries everywhere with him. It was taken nearly right after he won his final Frontier Symbol,)" Pikachu informed them._

 _"(I take it that May is the girl standing to right of Ash,)" Floatzel said._

 _Pikachu gave a nod._

 _"(Good, cuz it would be pretty awkward if May was the small boy standing next to Brock. He must he half Ash's age)". This earned him a second smack from Staraptor._

* * *

 _ **Kermit The Frog:**_ _"I guess this is what they call a running gag."_

* * *

 _"(The boy standing next to Brock is Max, May's younger brother. He is on his own journey in Hoenn now,)" Pikachu said as if he hadn't even heard Floatzel's comment._

 _"(You know, May looks kind of hot,)" Infernape said out of the blue._

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _*Waves* "Goodnight everybody!"_

* * *

 _All who heard him, even the wild Honchkrow and Murkrow, turned and stared at him with expressions ranging from shock to disgust._

 _"(I meant as a_ _ **human**_ _,_ _)" Infernape tried to explain._

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _*Plays a rimshot on a drum set*_

 _ **Skippy:**_ _"Goodnight everybody!"_

* * *

 _The staring continued._

 _"(Look. Just because I'm an ape doesn't mean that I-)"_

* * *

 _ **Rigby:**_ _"STOP TALKING!"_ _ **(1)**_

"But, to his credit, Infernape _does_ get to explain how he didn't mean anything wrong by it," Keldeo admitted.

* * *

 _"(Come on guys. I just meant that as far as humans go, May just looks reasonably better than the average ones. I only said 'hot' because I'm a Fire-type. It's natural,)" Infernape explained sheepishly._

* * *

"See how flaretempest is able to make jokes without going too far," Keldeo said with approval, "He's also able to give characters more character based on _what_ they are, rather than who. For instance, Torterra is a Grass-type, and plants need sunlight, so it makes sense for Torterra to be really grump about being woken up in the middle of the night. Thus, we get this funny scene."

* * *

 _"(Okay. Next time we meet secretly, we definitely have to do it during the day. Too many of these midnight jaunts and I won't be able to wake up in the morning,)" grumped Torterra._

 _"(Yeah, just look at you! You obviously need your beauty sleep,)" quipped Floatzel, earning a smack from Staraptor's wing._

 _"(Stop that! We're a team! We mustn't insult each other!)" ordered Staraptor._

 _"(Jeez Staraptor! When did you become as bossy as a Honchkrow?)" joked Infernape. Noticing the glares he was getting from the Murkrow and the Honchkrow, he added a hasty "(No offense, of course!)"._

 _"(I don't get why you guys don't like it. The night is perfect!)" exclaimed a happy Gliscor._

 _"(You can take the night and shove it up your-)" grumbled Torterra before he was interrupted by Staraptor._

* * *

"So, the group decides to wait until they get back to Professor Oak's lab in Pallet Town, so they can get the rest of Ash's Pokemon in on the plan to get Ash and May together. Which is good news for us, because I'm sure every Pokemon _ever_ has dreamed about seeing _allllll_ of Ash's Pokemon interact while they're off the clock."

Keldeo grinned, "Oh man, I'm so excited! Well, anyway, we then skip to next morning, where we see Ash has overslept. Now, the idea of Ash oversleeping on the day of the Sinnoh League would sound wrong under normal circumstances. _However,_ that nightmare he had the night before is a good enough reason for oversleeping."

* * *

" _There's the entrance! Only a few more feet and we'll have made it!_ " _he thought eagerly as he maneuvered himself around a young girl. But unlike the other bystanders, a glint of recognition dawned in her eyes._

 _"OH MY GOD! IT'S ASH KETCHUM!" she shrieked in an extremely high pitched voice, and fainted on the spot._

 _At once, Ash was beset upon by the mob, like a school of Carvanha upon a lone Magikarp. People grabbed his arms and yanked him around like a rag doll, requests for autographs were shouted at him, he was bombarded by camera flashes, some people, like the first girl, even fainted at the sight of him._ " _If this keeps up any longer, I'll be late! Why must fans be so barbaric?!_ " _he wondered to himself as he shouted for people to let go of him._

* * *

"Okay, not only is this funny, it's honestly a breath of fresh air," Keldeo said with a smile, "Seriously, why _doesn't_ Ash have mobs of fans after saving every region he visits form whatever evil team has set up shop there? Not to mention the times he's _saved the world!_ _And,_ he is always in the Top 3 of every Pokemon League he enters. Either news travels ridiculously slow between regions, or humans just don't care about being saved from tyranny or certain death. Well, Pikachu does what he does best and uses Thunderbolt to knock out all the fans."

* * *

 _"Pi Pika!" replied an outwardly smiling Pikachu, but he was really thinking:_ " _Next time use the back entrance, you idiot._ "

* * *

Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay. I can go with a more cynical Pikachu for a fanfic like this. Hey, it's not like he hasn't acted a little cynical like this before, although those times usually involved Meowth, but whatever."

* * *

 _"Brock, will these people be alright?" Dawn asked as she carefully stepped over another paralyzed body. Countless other bodies surrounded them, and Dawn wondered if something akin to a nuclear bomb went off._

 _"They'll be fine. Or at least they should be," he replied as he tread around a body._

 _"What do you mean by 'should'?" she asked as she was stepping over another victim of Pikachu's mighty Thunderbolt._

 _"Well, they may suffer some pretty nasty side effects, all temporary of course. Inability to use the senses, loss of cognitive thinking, lack of muscle control, total loss of bowel control; the list goes on and on."_

 _"Well, I think the last thing you mentioned may already have taken hold of some," she said disgustedly as she pointed to a yellow puddle._

* * *

Keldeo closed his eyes and said, "Okay, I'm just gonna use a part from the fanfic to react to this."

* * *

 _"(That was_ _waaaaay_ _too much information,)" Floatzel interrupted._

* * *

"So the first battle of the Sinnoh League begins, with Ash going up against a random OC."

* * *

 _Eventually the noise died out, and the MC announced, "And now the other challenger. Hailing from Lilycove City in Hoenn_ , _Matt Brevis!_ "

 _As his opponent stepped into the arena, Ash's heart nearly stopped._

" _WHAT!? It's DREW!_ " _he thought, furious and confused at the same time as his dream from the previous night flashed back into his brain._

* * *

Keldeo had a confused look on his face, and he said, "Uh, no. The MC said it was a guy named Matt Brevis. What, did you think Drew gave a fake name just to mess with you?"

* * *

 _But once his opponent has stepped into the glow of the spotlights, Ash was relieved to know that he was mistaken. Facing him was a pale, brown haired boy close to Ash's age and height, whose eyes were opened wide in surprise at the greeting the spectators gave him._

" _Whew, I need to calm down. It wasn't Drew, just a random stranger, who happens to have a silhouette similar to Drew's. No need to freak out._ "

* * *

"Seriously, Ash, you are _waaaay_ too insecure about your relationship with May," Keldeo said, then he frowned and said, "Which currently doesn't even exist as of yet."

"Okay, now we get to a see a battle, which is already awesome, but the awesomeness is increased by the fact that we get to hear what the Pokemon are saying!" Keldeo said with a grin.

* * *

 _"(Yeah, Floatzel!_ _Kick its ass!_ _)" yelled Pikachu from Ash's shoulder in an uncharacteristically unruly tone._

* * *

"Wow," Keldeo said in amazement, "Just try to imagine Pikachu saying _that._ Just _try._ That is just so hilarious-."

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!**_

Keldeo groaned, "Aw c'mon, Meowth! What do you want-?"

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!**_

Suddenly, a golden jackrabbit appeared on screen. He had cream tipped ears and paws, large cheeks, and his left ear was flopped slightly.

"Hold it right there!" the rabbit shouted in a very grating sounding voice.

 _ **Bzzzzzzt!**_

Keldeo stared with disbelief and said, "Dade from _Harvey Beaks_? What the hay are _you_ doing here?"

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

"How _DARE_ you be okay with the vile language in this fanfic!" Dade shouted angrily, "The author of this fanfic should be dragged out of his home, tasered by Officer Fredd, and thrown in prison!"

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"GOSH! You take things more seriously than Joshscorcher on FOBEquestria!" Keldeo exclaimed in shock, "Come on! All Pikachu said was a synonym for butt!"

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

"Oh yeah? Well what about what Floatzel says right after that!?" Dade shouted in accusation.

* * *

 _"(Aw yeah! Some bitch is about to get_ _OWNED_ _!_ _)" declared Floatzel confidently._

* * *

"OOOOOOOH!" Dade raged in furious indignation, "That's filthy! FILTHY!"

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

Keldeo groaned and said, "Oh, come on, Dade! Is it a crime for a writer to trust their audience to be mature enough to not repeat whatever they read like a bunch of babies?"

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"Trash like this can only lead to the total meltdown of decency and civilized society!" Dade shouted back.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

Keldeo was in his Resolute Form and his Secret Sword burned brightly.

"If you don't leave me alone right now, I'm gonna have a total meltdown in your face!" Keldeo shouted angrily.

Keldeo waited a few seconds, then he sighed with relief and powered down his Secret Sword. He returned back to his normal form and said, "Wow, that guy is annoying. Okay then. So, we get some pretty good dialogue during the battle. For instance, Floatzel's comments really do sound like the things a more genre savvy Pokemon would say."

* * *

 _"Floatzel, swerve to avoid it!" Ash yelled._

 _"(How stupid do you think I am? I would've avoided that attack even if you didn't tell me!)"_

 _"Floatzel, head back to Octillery and grab hold of it!" Ash yelled, renewed determination in his voice._

 _Floatzel swerved sharply and turned towards his opponent._ (" _I hope he knows what he's doing, cause I sure don't_ ,)"

* * *

"Then we get some off-the-wall random comedy from Gliscor," Keldeo said with a smile, "It really matches his more playful personality."

* * *

 _"(You know, I'm not really in the mood to fight today,)" Gliscor revealed as he took to the air and his wings started to glow white._

 _"(Neither am I. But what can we do about it?)" asked Exploud as he prepared for another Howl._

 _"(Well, we could just walk on out of here. They're powerless without us. And besides, what's the worst they can do, send us back into our Pokeballs?)" Gliscor spat contemptuously._

 _"(Yeah, I would like to see them try. Imagine it, roaming the world peacefully, without having to take orders from some_ _human_ _,)" Exploud said._

 _"(Yeah. The first things I'd want to do is have some cookies and milk. I always beg Ash for some, but he-)"_

 _"(Wait. Did you say cookies and_ _MILK_ _?)" Exploud asked, anger creeping into his voice._

 _"(Umm… yeah. What about it?)" Gliscor replied nervously._

 _"(I AM LACTOSE INTOLERANT! I HATE MILK AND ALL WHO ENJOY IT!)" bellowed Exploud, and he jumped mightily into the air, reaching for Gliscor._

* * *

"Did the author use Cards Against Humanity to come up with this?" Keldeo said in amusement, "Seriously, _milk_ is the reason this battle heats up? Did flaretempest play the game _Bad Milk_ _ **(2)**_ before writing this? If so. . ."

Keldeo became serious and said, "Then may Arceus have mercy on the author's soul, as well any other poor soul who has suffered through that game."

A floating bald head suddenly flashed on screen.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Keldeo screamed in horror.

Keldeo calmed back down and he said, "Well, these battles are clearly meant to be played for laughs. Floatzel gets knocked out by being slammed into a poster with a Staraptor on it in order to keep the 'Staraptor keeps hitting Floatzel on the head' running gag going."

* * *

' _Poke-Air will get you anywhere!_ ' _the banner proclaimed, and had a picture of the company mascot, a Staraptor, winking and giving a thumbs up. There was a head-sized dent in one of the Staraptor's wings._

* * *

"And Exploud knocks Gliscor out, but he feels guilty about it and knocks himself out, which makes me wonder who he's even on a fighting Pokemon team, but whatever! Comedy!" Keldeo said with a grin.

* * *

 _"Okay Torterra, come on out!" yelled Ash, once again tossing a Pokeball into the arena._

 _"You too, Rhyperior!" shouted Matt from his end of the field._

 _After both Pokemon materialized and the round officially started, Matt began to quickly issue orders._

 _"Rhyperior, trip up Torterra with Earthquake, and then follow it up with Double Edge!"_

 _Meanwhile, Torterra was waiting patiently for Ash to issue his orders. But Ash was not paying any attention to the battle. Concerned, Pikachu looked at Ash's face, only to find his eyes glazed over._

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Why is he thinking about May _now_? Floatzel and Gliscor both got knocked out, and he literally just sent out Torterra to battle! How is he not focused on the battle right now? Maybe if Matt had a Pokemon that was the same species as one of May's, like Blaziken, it would work, but-."

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "Well, at least we get to see Pikachu play in active role in this."

* * *

 _Observant of the Earthquake and the charging Rhyperior, Pikachu took charge._

 _"(Well don't just stand there, you great lump! Do_ _something_ _!)"_

 _"(Sorry, but I only listen to my trainer,)" Torterra said dismissively._

 _"(Well, if you don't do anything, you'll be in a world of hurt,)" Pikachu said as he pointed toward the Earthquake that grew closer and closer, along with the Rhyperior that was charging along behind it._

 _"(Hmm… you do have a point. Being in pain is highly undesirable,)" Torterra allowed. After a moment's onsideration: "(Aw to hell with it! I refuse to get hurt just because Mr. Lovestruck over there has his head in the clouds.)"_

 _Torterra unleashed an Earthquake of his own, which effectively canceled out his opponent's Earthquake, and charged toward the Rhyperior, glowing bright green as a side effect of Wood Hammer. Meeting the center of the arena with a loud crash, the two combatants began a fevered pushing match._

* * *

"Then we get to see Ash's daydream, but it's kinda dumb and not very interesting, so we'll just skip it and focus on the battle, where Torterra insults Rhyperior's girlfriend, causing him to use Horn Drill in anger."

* * *

 _By now, Rhyperior's horn was spinning so fast it was only a blur, and he prepared to strike Torterra, who was frozen in fear._

 _"(Don't worry, Torterra! Your sacrifice will win the battle for us!)" Pikachu shouted in what he hoped was an encouraging voice._

 _"(But I don't want to die! I have my whole life ahead of me!)" Torterra whined pitifully._

* * *

" **A:** you can move out of the way. **B:** _of course_ you won't die, it's a Pokemon battle! Horn Drill is just a move, it's used all the time!" Keldeo said in annoyance.

* * *

 _"(Take it like a man, you big baby!)"_

 _"(Easy for you to say! You're not the one who will be dead!)"_

 _"(Calm down! You won't die! The censors won't allow it!)"_

 _"(What?! They allow us to swear and drink alcohol, but they won't let anyone die? This story is screwed up.)"_

 _"(Torterra! You weren't supposed to mention the alcohol part! It won't happen 'til the next chapter! Just for that, the author will probably make you suffer an extremely painful injury from the attack!)"_

* * *

"Aw c'mon, don't break the fourth wall!" Keldeo said in even more annoyance, "That only makes the story seem more fake. It breaks the illusion. You have to do it sparingly and subtly. Usually with only _one_ character and in a way that confuses the other characters in a way that they just shrug it off. Ya know, like those _'It's Pinkie Pie don't question it'_ moments. _**(3)**_ "

* * *

 _Rhyperior started to slowly lower the spinning horn toward Torterra's head._

 _"(Wait. I wouldn't do that if I were you,)" Torterra said._

 _Rhyperior paused. "(And why not?)"_

 _"(If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine,)" he replied cryptically._

 _"(Sorry, but I hated that movie.)"_

 _"(What? How can you not like it? It revolutionized filmmaking as we know it!)"_

 _"(I know, but I'm not a big fan of Sci-Fi. If you had mentioned the movie about the archaeologist who goes on a hunt to find a magical lost ark before_

* * *

 _ **Monty Python Army:**_ _"GET ON WITH IT!"_

"So Rhyperior uses Horn Drill on Torterra, but since that move is illegal, Matt is disqualified," Keldeo frowned, "So. . . did Matt just not even _try_ to order his Pokemon to stop? I mean, the Trainers had to have known all the rules, so. . . _what_ , are we supposed to just assume that Matt was yelling for Rhyperior to stop but he didn't listen to him? Sure, that makes sense, seeing how angry Rhyperior was, but would it have really been all that hard for the author to write in that Matt was yelling for Rhyperior to stop? It's just one sentence! I hate it when authors make mistakes that are so _easy_ to solve!"

* * *

 _"Ladies and gentlemen, I don't believe it! Rhyperior has just used Horn Drill! And because of this, Matt Brevis is disqualified, making Ash Ketchum the winner by default!" proclaimed the MC._

 _A great cheer rose up from the crowd, which finally snapped Ash out of his daydream._

 _"Huh? What happened?!" Ash wondered as the MC walked toward him, carrying a gold trophy nearly half as tall as himself._

 _"Ash, it may seem that only dumb luck has brought you this victory, but that is not true. Your skills as a trainer and your cunning strategy are what brought you this win, and I am proud to award you this trophy, and proclaim you the Sinnoh League Champion!" he said as he raised Ash's arms to the crowd, which made them cheer even louder._

* * *

"WAIT, WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted, "That's it? What happened to Paul and Tobias and-."

Keldeo sprayed some water on his face from his right forehoof. He shook the water off and said, "Alright, I get it. This story is _not_ about Pokemon battles. The author clearly wanted to get through the end of the Sinnoh journey as fast as possible, so we can head back to Professor Oak's lab and meet the rest of Ash's Pokemon."

Keldeo smiled, "That's fine! I get that. Sure, we _could've_ just skipped over the events and say it all happened as it did in the Anime but having an introductory plot line like this helps cement the fact that this is gonna be a wacky, crazy, silly story where everyone is out of character and there are literally no high-stakes whatsoever."

Keldeo smiled widely so that all his teeth were showing. Then he said, "I still like epic adventure stories with heart and emotion, but there's nothing wrong with just cutting loose and relaxing with a good wild comedy like this. As long as these two types of stories are kept _separate_ and _not_ mixed together _*coughAuraWeildercough*_ I'd say it's all good."

"So, after the battle, its revealed that in the continuity that this fanfic presents to us, Ash and his friends always go to Pallet Town together after the Pokemon League. Then Ash's mom throws them all a big party."

* * *

 _"You see Dawn, after every league that Ash enters is finished, his mom throws a party to celebrate how well he did. A lot of our friends we haven't seen for a while show up, and we have lots of fun swapping stories and catching up. Not to mention the great feast that Ash's mom cooks for us," Brock responded, salivating at the thought of the delicious food._

 _"But what if Ash gets eliminated very early? You can't expect his luck to hold for_ _every_ _league."_

 _Ash and Brock just laughed._

 _"That's just nonsense! I_ _have_ _to do well, because I'm the main character!" Ash explained to a confused Dawn._

 _"What is_ _that_ _supposed to mean?"_

 _"I don't know, but it's true!"_

* * *

Keldeo sighed, "You see, _this_ is why Jack Storm 448 took the fourth wall breaks out of _Rising Storm Book 1._ They just don't feel right. Anyway, they all get on the boat, and we get to see their thoughts."

* * *

" _I wonder if there are any good shopping centers in Pallet Town. I need to get new shoes, a new bag, and a new hat couldn't hurt. Now that I think of it, buying a whole new wardrobe wouldn't be such a bad idea…_ " _Dawn thought, her mind stereotypically occupied by shopping and clothes._

* * *

Munna flew in wearing a white powdered wig and a black top hat, and she said in an English accent, "'Tis indeed sexist."

As Munna flew away, Keldeo stared at her awkwardly and said, "I think I'm finally starting to realize how weird this whole _Keldeo the Critic_ show really is."

* * *

" _I can drop off Toxicroak at Professor Oak's lab, and then I'll be able to spend all the time in the world with Nurse Joy_ _…_ _" imagined Brock, exuberant at the thought._

* * *

Keldeo stomped and shouted, "Will you _please_ stop evolving Pokemon off-screen! At least _acknowledge_ that Buizel and Croagunk evolved!"

* * *

" _After the other Pokemon and I get dropped of at Professor Oak's lab and the party at Ash's house begins, they'll be no one around to watch us. Then we can get TOTALLY drunk!_ " _thought Pikachu excitedly._

* * *

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!**_

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Dade shouted furiously as he shook his pointer fingers with disapproval.

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"Oh, _biscuits_ , you again?" Keldeo groaned.

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"How dare _anyone_ corrupt a yellow, sweet looking creature with the poison that is alcoholic beverages!" Dade shouted.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"Why did you even bother coming here?" Keldeo asked impatiently, "Aren't people like you supposed to think that the Pokemon franchise is evil or something?"

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"I see _Pokemon_ as similar to the trick filled magic shows my best friend Harvey and I put on together: fun illusions not to be taken seriously," Dade said proudly, smiling as thoughts of his dearest friend filled his head.

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"When it comes to taking things seriously, don't you talk," Keldeo groaned.

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"This vile flaretempest is a dark force that is twisting these characters into something foul and sick!" Dade shouted as he shook his fist furiously, "This author will have to answer for this someday!"

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"Why don't you go eat your sugar free Greek yogurt while you watch your _Veggie Tales_ rip-off!" Keldeo shouted back.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

" _BILLY AND THE DO-GOOD BOYS_ IS A WONDERFUL KIDS SHOW FULL OF VALUABLE LIFE LESSONS!" Dade practically shrieked.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"You voice is a bad as the voice of Scratch from _The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog_!" Keldeo complained.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"And Patrick the Potato is a _great_ minority representative!" Dade went on.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

Keldeo facehoofed and said, "Oh my gosh. . ." Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "Okay, this is gonna take a while. Here's a Musical Skit for you while I deal with Dade."

* * *

 _ **Keldeo the Critic**_

* * *

 _ **We'll be right back!**_


	39. Musical Skit- 3

Keldeo sat in the Moor of Icirrus, checking his email on his laptop. He frowned and said with uncertainty in his voice, "An email from. . . _LilDeuceDeuce_?"

Keldeo opened the email and saw that there was a video. Curious, Keldeo clicked on it, and music began to play. Then a sickly-looking leprechaun appeared and started singing.

 _"They call you. . . Keldeo_

 _You do fanfic reviews_

 _You rant, and you rage, and you praise when you choose_

 _You're the fourth Sword of Justice, you're known as a Colt_

 _Your Secret Sword hits like a lightning bolt_

 _Your parents died in a fire, you're the last of your kind_

 _But judging by your skills and confidence you don't seem to mind_

 _You debuted in a movie where you battled Kyurem_

 _But if you fight against me than your hopes will be dim_

 _Cause I'm the Leperchaun!"_

 _Leperchaun! Leperchaun!_

 _Leperchaun!_

 _Leperchaun! Leperchaun!_

 _Leperchaaaaaaaaaaaun!_

" _I am the Leperchaun_

 _And I am cursed with leprosy_

 _So your Pokemon moves don't mean a single thing to me_

 _While I'm mildly entertained by your fanfic reviews_

 _I think it's only fair that I give you some news_

 _Don't you even try to raise your Secret Sword against me_

 _Forget getting Poisoned; 'Keldeo caught leprosy'!_

 _Your horn will soon be falling off, and your pony ears too_

 _You won't live to rue the day that I encountered you!_

' _Cause I'm the Leperchaun!"_

 _Leperchaun! Leperchaun!_

 _Leperchaun!_

 _Leperchaun! Leperchaun!_

 _Leperchaaaaaaaaaaaun!_

The video stopped, and Keldeo frowned at it, looking unimpressed.

"Well, that was pointless," Keldeo remarked.

Suddenly, the Leperchaun jumped right out of the screen and stood in front of Keldeo with an evil toothy grin on his face.

"AHHHHHHH!" Keldeo screamed as he staggered backwards, eyes wide with horror as the Leperchaun approached him.

"Not so fast!" a female voice cried out.

Keldeo and the Leperchaun both turned to see a Liepard wearing a green hat adorned all around with four-leaf clovers. The Liepard winked smugly, and then she started singing.

" _I'm the Liepardchaun!_

 _Sickly gnomes don't scare me_

 _I don't want your pot of gold, I'll gladly kick your butt for free_

 _It looks like a wild Leperchaun appeared_

 _With his decomposing skin and his scraggly beard_

 _This is one fight you'll wish you never did enter_

 _Dr. Monster will scurry back to a Pokemon Center_

 _My Hyper Beam will nail you in your sore-filled kisser, pow!_

 _You'll be blasting off again for the first time now."_

 _Liepardchaun!_

 _Liepardchaun! Liepardchaun!_

 _Liepardchaun!_

 _Liepardchaun! Liepardchaun!_

 _Liepardchaaaaaaaaaaaaaun!_

The Leperchaun swaggered over to the Liepardchaun and smirked.

" _It's just too purrfect_

 _You actually think that you can win!_

 _It'll make it all the sweeter when your pain begins!_

 _I-."_

 _ **BOOM!**_

The Liepardchaun used Hyper Beam at point blank range and obliterated the Leperchaun, incinerating him instantly and completely.

Keldeo trotted over to the Liepardchaun and said with a smile, "Thanks, Blaze. I owe you one."

"Got anything to eat?" she replied before casually licking her left forepaw.

"Uh. . ." Keldeo said as he looked around.

* * *

 _ **KELDEO THE CRITIC'S GOURGEIST FESTIVAL!**_

* * *

 _From Fear To Courage_ by HavocHound

 _Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition (Oney Plays) Creepypasta Song_ \- The Living Tombstone

 _Cupcakes_ by Sergeant Sprinkles

 _Rainbow Factory_ by AuroraDawn

 _Pattycakes_ by Pegacorn Ondacob

 _Something Broke: The Continuing Tale Of Pinkie Pie and Ponycide_ by TarbyRocks

 _Payback_ by reppad98

 _Monkey's Paw_ by HavocHound **(MAYBE. . .)**

* * *

 **COMING THIS OCTOBER!**

* * *

 _Special thanks to LilDeuceDeuce's Dr. Monster music videos. TinyURL:_ ycpey9fv


	40. Shades of Red- Part 2

_**The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 13: Shades of Red by flaretempest**

"Whew! I finally got the 'Righteous Dade' to leave," Keldeo said with relief in his voice, "I managed to convince him that he needed to perform one of his crazy purification ceremonies on himself in order to keep from being 'corrupted' by this fanfic. Wow, that guy is nuts. . ."

Keldeo shook it off and said, "Anyway, our heroes arrive in Pallet Town, and they run into Gary Oak."

* * *

 _"Well, well. If it isn't little Ash," sneered Gary as he opened the door to let them in. "Typical of a loser like you to come crawling back to me for help."_

 _"I don't need your help, Gary! I can take care of myself," said Ash, his voice rising._

 _"Is that why you need those lackeys to go everywhere with you?" Gary asked mockingly, gesturing towards Brock and Dawn._

 _"At least I_ _have_ _friends," retorted Ash._

 _"Both of you_ _stop it_ _!' shouted Dawn, and they both fell silent. "How can you both be so angry at each other all the time? What is wrong with you two?!" she demanded._

 _At her words, both Ash and Gary burst into raucous laughter._

 _"What?! Was it something I said?" inquired a puzzled Dawn._

 _Soon the laughter died out, and Ash and Gary were able to answer._

 _"Actually, it was something you said. You thinking Ash and I are_ _actually_ _fighting is quite funny," said Gary._

 _"You see Dawn, Gary and I used to be terrible rivals, but eventually we realized how stupid it was to fight all the time, and now we're friends," added Ash._

 _"We just pretend to fight whenever we meet for old time's sake," Gary put in._

* * *

"Okay, right there, that's funny," Keldeo said with a smile, "That's the kind of self-aware humor that works in a fanfic like this. Point to flaretempest."

* * *

 _"That doesn't make much sense," said a still confused Dawn._

 _"It doesn't have too, this is just a fanfic," Ash said._

 _"Ash, you're doing it again," sighed an exasperated Dawn._

 _"Oops, sorry."_

* * *

"But then when you go ahead a break the fourth wall, you ruin the good thing you had going here," Keldeo said with a frown, "Point deducted!"

* * *

 _"Well, my mom has a… uhhh…," Ash paused as he searched for the right word. "… an embarrassing way of caring for me."_

 _"It's just because she loves you. You know, sometimes I wish_ _I_ _was an only child, just so my parents could have the time to give me as much attention," said Brock, envy creeping into his voice._

 _"Well, what does she do?" inquired Dawn, eager as always to hear embarrassing stories about Ash._

 _Ash coughed and looked down at his feet, but that didn't stop Brock from talking._

 _"The last time there was a party was when Ash got his final Frontier Symbol…"_

* * *

Keldeo grinned expectantly, "Okay, this is gonna be good! And this is a fanfic, so the only limits are that of imagination! What crazy party did Ash's mom give him last time?"

* * *

 _Ash, May, Brock, and Max were walking along the same dusty road that present-day Ash, Brock, and Dawn were traveling on, and turned around the same bend. When they saw Ash's house, they all froze simultaneously._

 _Before them was Ash's house, looking much like it was in the present. But it was not the_ _house_ _that had made them pause, rather what was_ _around_ _the house._

 _The path leading to the front door was covered with blue confetti, and there were ten foot tall arches made entirely of balloons straddling the path every few paces, creating a tunnel-like effect. The yard was covered with signs bearing messages such as 'Congrats Ash!' and 'Great Job, Ketchum!', but the signs were dwarfed by a huge banner displaying a picture of Ash posing with his latest Frontier Symbol. But dwarfing even the banner was a larger-than-life bronze statue of Pikachu, who was giving a peace sign and winking._

* * *

Keldeo blinked his eyes in disappointment, "Wait, that's it? Confetti, balloons, some signs, and a banner? Okay, the Pikachu statue was something, but I was expecting something crazier, like, I don't know, a _marching band_ with _bouncy houses_ and a _live rock concert_ with a giant balloon in the shape of Ash's head over the house. I'm sorry, I just don't think the punchline matches the build-up."

"So while the humans all go in to meet Ash's mom, we cut over to Pikachu and the Sinnoh Pokemon at Professor Oak's lab, who inform the rest of Ash's Pokemon about Ash's crush on May."

* * *

 _"(Our dense, dull, dumb, simple, stupid, slow-witted trainer has fallen_ _deeply_ _in_ _love_ _with a certain_ _someone_ _,)" said Floatzel mischievously as he winked at Pikachu._

 _The entire group was silent for a moment._

 _"(Yeah, that's a good one, Floatzel. Now tell us something that's_ _true_ _,)" said Corphish grumpily._

 _"(Ash in_ _love_ _?! That's got to be a joke. It isn't April Fools' Day, is it?" said Heracross, also incredulous._

 _"(I'm telling you guys, it's true!)" defended Floatzel._

 _"(Hmph! That's about as likely as Darkrai deciding to pal around with Cresselia!)" snorted Sceptile._

* * *

"Seeing as how they _are_ good friends, I'd say yes, you're right, Sceptile!" Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _"(Umm… I don't know how to say this, guys, but it's actually true,)" said Pikachu nervously from his tree stump._

 _All assembled gasped (except for the Sinnoh Pokemon), and Bayleef and Donphan actually fainted. Even Snorlax, who napping nearby, woke up with a start._

 _"(So what do we do about it?)" asked Cyndaquil, unwittingly asking the same question that Gliscor asked when the Sinnoh Pokemon found out._

 _"(Well, we already know from observation that Ash is crazily in love with her. So I think it's time to act.)" said Staraptor._

 _"(I agree. But what should we do? We can't do anything too drastic, or it may cripple any chance they have at a relationship.)" said Noctowl._

 _Just then, the back door of the laboratory opened, and Gary spoke to them._

 _"Okay guys, Tracey and I are off to Ash's party. Don't do anything bad while we're gone," he said, and shut the door. Footsteps were heard fading in the distance, and then silence._

 _"(Let's plan later! Now that we're alone, it's time to party!)" yelled Totodile as he dragged a boom box out of the bushes._

 _"(Don't you think that's a bad idea? Humans walking by may hear it,)" warned Noctowl._

 _"(You just to need to chill out, Noctowl. A bit of fun can't hurt,)" soothed Floatzel as he carried a keg out of the bushes._

 _The sight of the keg caused Staraptor's eyes to bulge. "(Is that what I think it is?)"_

 _"(Well, that depends. If you think it is an alcoholic beverage, then yes,)" replied Floatzel calmly._

* * *

"Okay, okay, okay," Keldeo said seriously as he stood up straight and attentive, "Look, if this story was just all of Ash's Pokemon getting drunk and doing stupid, horrible, dangerous, inappropriate things, I would even both reviewing it right now, let alone waste my time reading it. But that's not what flaretempest does here. In fact, the story actually has some Pokemon abstain from this."

* * *

 _"(Come on, Staraptor, lighten up!)" said Infernape. "(What's the worst that could happen from a couple of drinks?)"_

 _"(We shouldn't be doing this!)"_

 _"(Fine then, Mr. Party Pooper. We don't need you here. Go hang somewhere else.)"_

 _Staraptor angrily flew off, leaving a laughing Floatzel and Infernape in his wake. Next to a pond, he spotted Sceptile and Noctowl lounging._

 _"(So the party wasn't for you, either?)" asked Sceptile as Staraptor landed._

 _"(Heavens, no!)" replied a flustered Staraptor. "(I can't imagine anything worse than being there!)"_

 _"(Don't worry. They'll get what's coming to them.)"_

 _"(What do you mean?)"_

 _"(It seems like there's enough beer to give everyone wants some at least six drinks…)" began Noctowl._

 _"(…And since our bodies are not made to process alcohol on the same level as humans…)" continued Sceptile._

 _"(…They'll get massive hangovers!)" finished Staraptor exuberantly._

* * *

"The story even goes as far to portray the drinkers as the fools, which I can really get behind!" Keldeo said with a grin, "And besides, the characters in the fanfic are meant to be Out of Character for comedic effect. Ash's _real_ Pokemon wouldn't be involved in anything like this, these are just funny clowns _based_ on them."

* * *

 _"(Ugh! I can't stand this!)" moaned Staraptor._

 _No matter how far away Sceptile, Noctowl, and Staraptor moved from the party, the noise just seemed to follow them, until it became a deafening roar in their ears._

 _"(What's that?! I can't hear you!)" shouted a disgruntled Noctowl._

 _"(I said, I can't stand this noise! I'm leaving!)" Staraptor shouted back._

 _"(WHAT?! I can't hear! The party is too loud!)"_

 _Sceptile was already pushed to his limit from the noise, and seeing the two bickering Pokemon threw him over the edge._

 _"(Both of you SHUT UP!)" he shouted angrily as he grabbed a wing from each them and started roughly dragging them toward the fence that bordered the lab. "(We're getting out of here!)"_

* * *

"So, the three of them decide to spy on the party the humans are having instead, hoping to catch sight of May."

* * *

 _"(Tell me again, why we are doing this?)" asked a grumpy Sceptile._

 _"(Still grumpy? I thought getting away from all those drunken savages would've been enough to calm you down,)" said Staraptor._

 _"(Now, let's not call our friends that. It makes them sound like barbarians,)" said Noctowl soothingly._

 _The trio was hiding in the bushes across the road from Ash's house, looking through the windows at the gathering within. While they were supposed to be plotting their next moves, they were really arguing amongst themselves._

 _"(What's so bad about barbarians? The Mongols were my favorite civilization in Age of Empires II,)" said Sceptile._

 _"(Personally, I preferred the Turks. I would wreak havoc with their gunpowder weapons! My opponents would learn to Ph34r t3h [\/]igh+j 5t4rap+0r's l33t 5ki11z!)" declared Staraptor._

 _ **Translation: My opponents would learn to fear the mighty Staraptor's elite skills.**_

* * *

Keldeo blinked his eyes in confusion and said, "Wait, what? What the hay was that?"

* * *

 _"(Normally, I would berate you two for getting us off track, but since we're talking about video games, I feel I must contribute to this conversation,)" interjected Noctowl. "(My favorite civ was the British, because of their longbows. A5 j00 \/\/0u1d 5aj, I 70t411j 0wnz3rd mj 3n3mj'5 4zz.)"_

 ** _Translation: As you would say, I totally owned my enemy's ass._**

* * *

"Wait! Time out! What's with that weird alpha-numeric-symbolic code?" Keldeo asked in distress.

* * *

 _"(Ha! Any fool can use the British, or as they are really called in the game, the_ _Britons_ _. I+ 74k35 a tr0e [\/]a5ter 2 p14j a5 t3[-] 7ur[5.)"_

 ** _Translation: It takes a true master to play as the Turks._**

* * *

"I mean, I guess certain numbers and symbols kinda look like letters, and that's how you translate it, but why is it there? It makes no sense!" Keldeo complained angrily, "It's never even brought up again! It's just there, so what's the point! It doesn't connect to anything! Is this an inside joke? Is this just something people who play _Age of Empires II_ do! I don't get it!"

"And there's another problem here: how would Staraptor be familiar with any video game of any kind. Sure, Noctowl and Sceptile could have snuck into Professor Oak's lab and played on the computer, but Staraptor's been traveling with Ash since he was a Starly, and he's just arrived at the lab, so when could he have gotten a chance to play video games? It makes no sense!"

Keldeo growled and said, "Aw man, the humor of three of Ash's Pokemon arguing about _Age of Empires II_ is completely spoiled by pointlessness and a failed logic check."

"Well, the teetotaling trio tries to get May and Ash to interact by. . .causing her to trip next to him, I guess," Keldeo said, sounding very confused.

* * *

 _"(Okay, I'm almost there,)" said Sceptile, as he concentrated on controlling the vine that was sprouting from the ground in front of him._

 _"(Are you sure this is a good idea? If you lose concentration, Frenzy Plant will go out of control,)" said Noctowl._

 _"(Yeah. The last thing we want to do is end up killing somebody,)" added Staraptor._

 _"(Well, maybe if you guys didn't talk to me, I could concentrate better!)" growled Sceptile._

 _"(Sorry!)" responded Noctowl and Staraptor simultaneously._

 _Ash was still lost in his thoughts when he heard a shrill shriek behind him. He turned around just in time to see May fall to the ground. But when she fell, she grabbed the closest thing to try and steady herself, which turned out to be the punch bowl. Unfortunately for her, it couldn't support her weight, and tipped over, covering May in red raspberry fruit punch._

 _"(Wow, that did not go according to plan,)" said Sceptile guiltily._

 _"(Yeah, I don't think getting May doused in fruit punch was part of the plan,)" replied Staraptor sarcastically._

 _Ash was at May's side instantly, and helped her to her feet._

 _"May, are you okay?" he asked, even though it was obvious that she wasn't._

 _"I'm fine, Ash. Just little wet," she replied, beet-red from embarrassment. Neither of them realized that they were still holding hands. This fact was not lost upon the spies across the street._

* * *

"Was any of this really worth the effort!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "Well, _thankfully,_ we get some conflict when Drew shows up at the party to talk to May."

* * *

 _"(I don't recall Drew being so scrawny,)" observed Sceptile. "(Look at him! How can he get around? It seems like a gentle breeze would send him tumbling away.)"_

 _"(Maybe he is doing what humans call 'dieting',)" said Noctowl. "(Apparently, you are supposed to eat only minimal food for a week or two. Supposedly, it makes you more appealing to potential mates.)"_

 _"(How does starving yourself make you more attractive?)" asked Staraptor, confused. "(And even if you_ _did_ _become more appealing to potential mates, you wouldn't have much energy, right? How are you supposed to… you know…_ _get funky_ _when you have no energy?)"_

* * *

"Firstly, _**goodnight everybody!**_ " Keldeo said loudly, "Secondly, isn't _Floatzel_ supposed to be the one who makes all the rude jokes and sly remarks? Even if the story features characters that are Out of Character, there still needs to be character consistency!"

"So, Drew asks May out on a date, and she says yes," Keldeo said before shrugging, "I don't really see Ash and May matching up very well, so I don't really care. And since no one in this story is in character, it doesn't really matter if the real May would want to date Drew or not."

* * *

 _"I'll pick you up from your hotel at 7 o' clock tomorrow evening," said Drew as he pulled a rose out of what appeared to be out of thin air, and then handed it May._

 _"Yeah… see you tomorrow," she said dreamily as Drew walked down the road._

 _The mood of the trio had changed from astonishment to revulsion._

 _"(How does he know what hotel May is staying at?)" asked Noctowl._

 _"(Obvious, isn't it? He's a creeper,)" answered Sceptile matter-of-factually. "(I don't get what May sees in him.)"_

 _"(Forget about_ _that_ _!)" said Staraptor. "(Did he just pull that rose_ _out of his pants_ _?!)"_

 _"(I hope not, for his sake. Those thorns, right next to his… ouch,)" said Noctowl, who shuddered at the thought._

* * *

" _ **Goodnight, already!**_ " Keldeo shouted with frustration.

* * *

 _"(Well, at least he'll_ _have_ _to take it slow with May,)" Staraptor joked._

 _"(You know, you are becoming more and more like Floatzel every day,)" commented Noctowl._

 _"(What?! Me, like_ _Floatzel?!_ _You're kidding, right?!)"_

 _Noctowl and Sceptile only shook their heads sadly as Staraptor began to go into denial._

* * *

Keldeo blinked, "Huh. Wow. So, the story actually acknowledged it. Okay, point to you, flaretempest."

* * *

 _"Drew asked me to go on a date!" she squealed excitedly. A few people managed to congratulate her before Misty and Dawn pulled her into a quiet corner to talk about what to wear, how to do her hair, etc._

 _Meanwhile, Ash's nausea had gotten_ _a lot_ _worse upon hearing May's news. He staggered slowly up the stairs, and managed to make it to his room without vomiting. He collapsed onto his bed._

* * *

"Come on, Ash, no," Keldeo said sympathetically, "Don't fall apart. You just need to find someone who actually appreciates you. I mean, if May is swayed _this easily_ by a jerk like Drew _,_ I'd suggest staying _far away_ from her. She's not worth it."

 _ **Rarity:**_ _"If somepony doesn't like you for who you are, it's their loss."_

Keldeo sighed, "But, this fanfic would be pretty boring if it ended here, so instead Staraptor, Noctowl, and Sceptile head back to the lab to get Floatzel's help."

* * *

 _Sceptile, Noctowl, and Staraptor were hastily heading back to Professor Oak's lab. When they finally got there, they were relieved to see that the party was over, with most of the Pokemon passed out and the boom box's batteries dead. They made their way over to a sleeping Floatzel, who was hugging the now-empty beer keg like it was a teddy bear. Staraptor delivered him a swift slap across the face with a wing._

 _"(I'M NOT HIGH!)" he shouted hoarsely as he leapt up._

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said, "Okay, is my list of jokes gonna have nothing but this on it?"

Keldeo showed off the screen of his laptop, and onscreen was Keldeo's list of jokes, which consisted of nothing but _"Play Yakko's 'Goodnight everybody' gag."_

* * *

 _Floatzel, Staraptor, Noctowl, and Sceptile stood concealed in the bushes alongside the road that led to May's hotel. Their plan was about to be put to the test._

 _"(Are you sure this is going to work?)" asked Staraptor. "(What if Drew doesn't decide to walk here, and has his Flygon fly him here?)"_

 _"(Well, if he does, then we're just going to have to use those anti-air missiles we stole from Team Rocket,)" answered Floatzel calmly._

 _"(WHAT?! Anti-air missiles?! Those are illegal!)" shouted an angry Noctowl._

 _"(So, what's your point? We did lots of illegal things at the party. Why, we even-)"_

 _"(Quiet!)" hissed Sceptile, interrupting Floatzel._

* * *

"Goodnight everybody!" Victini shouted as he flew by.

"So I guess our heroes try to distract Drew to make him later, I guess," Keldeo said, "They put makeup on Cyndaquil so he looks injured, but since Drew has to be as unlikeable as possible, he just kicks him. Then they try to lure him away with a rose, but he ignores it. Then they try a Team Rocket pit trap, but-."

* * *

 _"(Why won't this stupid thing WORK?!)" shouted Floatzel angrily as he jumped onto the pit trap, landing with a THUD._

 _"(What was that?)" asked Staraptor._

 _Wordlessly, Sceptile dragged away the blanket of leaves and branches that covered the trap, revealing that the pit was, well, not a pit; it had been filled in dirt!_

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAAHHH!**_

Keldeo smiled and shrugged.

* * *

 _"(ARGH! Those idiots are going to give me a stroke!)" wailed Floatzel as he brought his hands his head. "(They filled in the trap! I told them to hide the dirt they dug out_ _somewhere_ _, but of all places, they put it_ _back in the pit_!)"

* * *

"Seriously, who was responsible for this!?" Keldeo demanded, "Ash hasn't caught Oshawott yet- _oh man_ , that was mean. I'm so sorry for saying that."

* * *

 _Drew was walking through the entrance of the hotel when he was bumped into by a short man wearing a trench coat. He was unable to see the man's face because the man covered it with a hat that tilted downward._

* * *

"Oh, hey, it's one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" Keldeo said with a grin.

* * *

 _"Get out of the way!" snapped Drew._

 _The man didn't respond, but went around Drew and out the door._

 _Drew didn't notice that the roses he carried had started to wither._

* * *

"Actually, no! It's Infernape! Who sprayed the flowers Drew was holding with Repel in order to kill them," Keldeo said, "And it goes further downhill from there with all of Ash's Pokemon secretly sabotaging the date from behind the scenes. They spray them with water, ruin their food and drinks with Muk's slime, Pikachu even Thunderbolts Drew a few times. And it's actually pretty cool how we never actually _see_ the Pokemon actually doing anything, and it's never stated that they're the ones doing everything. It's simply subtly implied, and it's really cool and clever."

* * *

 _"May, I'm sorry about all of the bad things that happened on our date tonight," he said, trying to sound as apologetic as possible, which was something that didn't happen too often._

 _"It's okay, Drew. We just had bad luck," she replied, hiding her irritation._

 _They stood in silence for a few seconds, and then Drew put his hands on her shoulders, and began to bring his face closer… and closer… and closer. May closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss._

* * *

"Okay, right there! That _proves_ that Ash should get over her and find someone better!" Keldeo practically shouted, "And it's not like May is being horrible or anything. She's free to like Drew is she wants. Ash just needs to find the girl that's right for him _*coughIriscough*._ "

* * *

 _But as soon as she closed her eyes, she heard a muffled "Help me!" from Drew, and then felt his hands leave her shoulders. She opened her eyes to find that Drew wasn't there._

 _Outside the hotel, the four observers were high-fiving._

 _"(Mission accomplished!)" said Floatzel proudly. "(There's no way that May can have any feelings for Drew after tonight!)"_

 _"(Yeah, but what do we do with him,)" asked Sceptile as he gestured towards the large sack that held a bound and gagged Drew._

 _Floatzel led them down to the Pallet Town docks, where Sceptile (who was carrying the sack) tossed the sack containing Drew into an empty shipping crate, and closed it shut. Noctowl stuck a label on the crate that read:_ _ **Destination: Petalburg City, Hoenn. To: Norman Maple, Petalburg City Gym Leader. Notes: Dear Norman, this boy attempted to sexually assault your daughter. Have fun beating him. From, People Who Care.**_

 _"(This should take care of Drew for a while.)"_

* * *

"Hmmm," Keldeo said thoughtfully, "Well, he did heartlessly kick what he thought was a severely injured Cyndaquil, so-."

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!**_

"Hold it, right there!" Dade shouted, a smiley face drawn on his forehead with Greek yogurt.

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"Stop interrupting this review!" Keldeo demanded,

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

Dade thumped his chest with his right fist and said, "Not only did they have no right to meddle in the romantic affairs of others-!"

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"Dade, I'm not in the mood for it now," Keldeo said with a frown.

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"-framed someone of a crime of the _highest degree-!"_

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"The Wade Sandwich," Keldeo said sternly.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

" _ **THE WADE SNADWICH!?**_ " Dade shouted in anger, and he began flailing his arms around wildly as he ranted loudly, "A HOAGIE WITH A SLICE OF PIZZA AND CHOCOLATE FUDGE!? WHAT IS THAT!? A SANDWICH FOR A CONFUSED PERSON!?"

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"That should keep him busy for a while," Keldeo remarked, "Maybe I can finish this review before he comes back."

"So, yeah, before the group can go further on their plan to get May and Ash together, Corphish steps up as the voice of reason. That's right, this is the Pokemon that made himself sick by eating seaweed and rope, and he's the voice of reason. Let that sink in for a moment."

* * *

 _"(Do we have any proof that May even has any feelings for Ash in the first place?)"_

 _After receiving only a blank stare in return, he continued._

 _"(So far, we've been guessing that May has feelings for Ash. But do we have any evidence to back up our guesses? We've pretty much wasted a lot of time if May doesn't return Ash's feelings.)"_

 _"(Um… Corphish? How can you not remember all that flirtatious stuff she did in Hoenn and Kanto that Ash was too dense to notice?)" piped up Swellow._

 _Corphish rolled his eyes. "(Guys, it's been over a year since May left the group. Don't you think that her feelings could have changed?)"_

* * *

"Well judging by the fact that May _wanted Drew to kiss her,_ I'd say that Corphish might be the smartest character in this fanfic," Keldeo said, then he smiled, "Glad to see that this story has some logic to it."

* * *

 _"(So what are we supposed to do? It's not like we can ransack her hotel room in the middle of the night,)" said Noctowl dismissively. Then he noticed the mischievous looks he was getting from some audience members. "(Oh, no…)"_

* * *

"Meanwhile, Ash gets a mysterious nighttime visitor," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _He was oblivious to the shadow that seemed to detach itself from the wall, and floated over to rest next to his head. Without warning, it suddenly sprang out and engulfed Ash's face for a second, and then pulled back and retreated to the wall, where it passed through it as if it weren't even there._

 _A low chuckle was heard as the shadow swept towards downtown Pallet. "(Hahahaha! It seems that lil' Ash is having some girl trouble!)" Another throaty chuckle. "(Ugh. I only wish that his dreams tasted better. But that can't be helped. And now to find this 'May' person he's been dreaming of.)"_

* * *

"Okay, while that mysterious Dream Eater is doing his thing, Bulbasaur uses Sleep Powder to put everyone in the hotel to sleep so the Pokemon can sneak in and search May's room."

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "I can't believe this is actually a thing."

* * *

 _Sceptile, Floatzel, and Infernape emerged from the bushes, and walked stealthily into the hotel. Taking great care to tiptoe past the sleeping employee at the front desk (but not before stealing his master key and skimming the hotel register), they pressed the button for the elevator, whose door immediately opened. They stepped quietly inside, and Sceptile pressed the button for the tenth floor._

 _Three minutes and many comments of "(This elevator music sucks!)" later…_

* * *

"You could have just done the thing from the 2014 Ninja Turtles movie," Keldeo offered.

"So, anyway, the sneak into May's room, only to find the Dream Eating shadow from earlier."

* * *

 _Infernape screamed in terror. "(WHAT IS TH-)" Floatzel hastily clamped a paw over his mouth to muffle the rest._

 _Sceptile asked the same question, only quieter. "(W-w-what is that?)" he stammered._

 _Surrounding May's sleeping form was a shadowy, black mist. As if the mist had heard their voices, it reared up off of May and glided along the floor toward them._

 _Needing no more encouragement, the four frightened friends ran for the door, only to be foiled when the mist swept past them and stood in front of it._

 _"(WE'RE GONNA DIE!)" shouted Infernape as he ran around in panicked circles._

 _Floatzel got down on his knees and started begging. "(Please spare me! I just wanna live a peaceful life! I want to find a mate, and then live with her in a nice, unpolluted lake. Is that too much to ask for?!)"_

 _Sceptile was curled in a fetal position on the floor. Low sobs escaped from his mouth._

* * *

Keldeo was crouched down low as he shook with laughter, but he eventually got back up said, "Okay, this is really funny, I'll give it that. But _come on!_ It's like these guys have never seen a Ghost-type Pokemon before! How did these guys ever make it to the Pokemon League?"

* * *

 _Bulbasaur was throwing himself repeatedly at the window, each time a futile attempt to break it._

* * *

"Alright, who in their right mind references _Bee Movie_!?" Keldeo asked.

Munna flew in and slyly stated, "Well, _you're_ the one who recognizes this as a _Bee Movie_ reference."

Keldeo blinked his eyes and said, "Uhhh. . ."

Munna flew in closer and said even more smugly, "It may not even be a reference to that movie at all. It might just be a humorous scene and nothing more."

"Go away," Keldeo said flatly.

Much to Keldeo's relief, Munna complied and left.

"So, yeah," Keldeo says, "The shadow turns out to be a Haunter."

* * *

 _Recognition dawned on Bulbasaur's slightly bruised face. "(Wait a minute! You're the Haunter that Ash played with at the Pokemon Tower, and the one who got Ash his Marsh Badge!)"_

* * *

 _ **Silver Quill:**_ _"CONTINUITY!"_

* * *

 _"(I heard that Ash was going to be back here after he won the Sinnoh League. I've tried to catch him each time he stops back in Pallet Town, but I'm always too late. But this time, I've made it!)"_

 _"(Yeah, so uh… what were you doing to May's face?)" asked Infernape._

 _"(Nothing, nothing. Just sampling a bit of her dream. I must tell you, her dream was so fluffy and romantic, and lot better than poor Ash's. He would probably feel a lot better if he knew that she was dreaming about him.)"_

 _Floatzel immediately perked up. "(What happened in the dream?)"_

 _"(Oh, the usual romantic stuff. You know, romantic walk along the beach, holding hands, kissing, staring peacefully off into the sunset. That stuff.)"_

* * *

"Wait, what?!" Keldeo said, "But then why was she so excited about dating Drew if she had feelings for Ash? Are they suppressed in her subconscious mind or something?"

Keldeo then waved his right forehoof dismissively and said, "You know what? Forget the human characters. They don't really matter. It's all just an excuse for the Pokemon to do stuff, and in a fanfic like this, that's fine by me. So our cowardly heroes bring Haunter back to the lab."

* * *

 _Though it was near 3:00 AM, most residents of the lab were wide awake, courtesy of the anticipation in the air, campfires provided by the various fire-type pokemon, and coffee that a few enterprising Linoone had stolen from Professor Oak and were now selling on the lab's 'black market'._

* * *

"Oh, that's never brought again," Keldeo said nonchalantly, "What else is on the black market? What do they pay with? We never find out. It's like the weird secret code during the _Age of Empires II_ debate, it's just dropped and never brought up again."

* * *

 _"(So… some of you may know me,)" he began. "(I am the Haunter who helped Ash win the Marsh Badge.)"_

 _Cyndaquil piped up. "(Didn't you also remove his soul from his body when he visited the Pokemon Tower?)"_

 _"(Uh… yeah.)" Then he saw the accusing glares he was getting from the mob. "(It was all for fun!)"_

 _"(It's true! We had a great time)" added Pikachu. Everyone turned to him in surprise._

 _"(Where've you been this whole time?)" asked Floatzel._

 _"(Well, the author kinda forgot about me._

* * *

"Weren't you the one sending Thunderbolts at Drew?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "And stop breaking the fourth wall!"

* * *

 _"(Would you just tell us about May's dream already?!)" growled Corpish impatiently._

 _"(Patience, patience. So, after such a long trip over here from Saffron City, I was hungry, so I decided to take a quick snack on Ash's dream using Dream Eater.)"_

 _"(What?! You used Dream Eater on one of your friends! That's wrong!)" shouted a Sunflora in the back of the crowd._

 _"(Hey, at least_ _I_ _can reproduce normally, Mr. Asexual Reproduction!)" he retorted._

 _"(Just because I'm a grass-type and I look like a plant doesn't mean that-)"_

* * *

 _ **Boris:**_ _"GOOOOOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!"_ _ **(4)**_

Floyd walked over and asked incredulously, "Was that a clip from _Fingerlings Tales_?"

"This fanfic has so many moments like this that I actually ran out of clips from _The Animaniacs!_ " Keldeo replied desperately.

Floyd snickered as he walked off, saying, "Yeah. . . sure. . ."

* * *

 _"(Just shut up!)" yelled Floatzel_

* * *

"Thank you," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"(So, do you know if May actually feels this way, or if this is just some random dream she had?)" asked Noctowl._

 _"(Unfortunately, there is no way for me to know. If you want to probe her mind, you're going to have ask an Alakazam. But in my own opinion as a dream connoisseur, I can safely say that those feelings are most likely genuine._

* * *

 _ **Cilan:**_ _"It's evaluating time!"_

"FINALLY!" Keldeo exclaimed gleefully, "I've been waiting so long to make that reference! All hail Cilan, Bringer of Darumaka Lunch Boxes!"

* * *

 _"(So what do we do? It's not like there's some magic guide to hooking up two people,)" said Noctowl._

 _Torterra coughed nervously. "(Um… you guys don't really pay attention to newspapers and stuff like I do, so you wouldn't know this, but there are a bunch of books and websites that give so-called 'dating advice' to humans.)' He gave a nervous laugh. "(I memorized some websites about human romance from some ads I saw in the paper. If we can get into the lab and borrow one of the computers, I can show them to you.)"_

 _"(But none of us know how to use a computer. Heck, most of us don't even know how to_ _read_ _.)"_

 _Everyone was silent for a moment, deep in thought. Then, Noctowl piped up._

 _"(Is there a Porygon here?)"_

* * *

"So after spending the night searching for a Porygon, Floatzel finds himself being woken up by Haunter the very next morning."

* * *

 _Floatzel was mumbling in his sleep, not knowing that Haunter was shaking his shoulders in a vain attempt to wake him up._

 _"(Oh, Miss Bubbles, you are too kind. The most handsome and masculine floatzel you've ever seen? Well, I wouldn't say that… What's that? You wanna make out? Well, if you insist.)"_

 _Floatzel's pleasant dream was shattered by a slap across the face._

 _"(Finally!)" shouted a victorious Haunter as Floatzel bolted upright._

* * *

"Huh. I didn't know Haunter could learn Wake-Up Slap," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _"(May's ship back to Johto is leaving today, probably within an hour,)" repeated Haunter. "(Don't tell me you forgot?)"_

 _Floatzel was dumbfounded. He had completely overlooked the fact that May would have to leave Pallet Town eventually, and worst of all, she was leaving_ _today_ _. He jumped up and sprinted in what he hoped was the direction of the port._

 _"(Wake the others up and tell them!)" he shouted over his shoulder as he faded away in the distance._

* * *

"So, then Floatzel commits arson," Keldeo said with a straight face. He held it for a moment, then he repeated, "I'm totally serious he commits arson."

* * *

 _Then he spotted the ships' refueling station. Cautiously, he slunk over, weaving his way around crates and boxes and avoiding any dock workers, until he was right next to a stack of oil drums. After glancing around to make sure that no one was watching, he casually removed a drum from the bottom of the stack, making the stack collapse, and causing the drums to tip over and spill oil in all directions._

 _In no time at all, the oil had covered nearly half of the dockyard in a shallow puddle, which the sleepy dockworkers didn't notice._

 _Floatzel walked over to a nearby crate labeled_ _ **Pyromaniac Fireworks Inc: Blowing S*** Up Never Looked So Cool**_ _and lifted off the lid, scavenging around inside._

 _"(Let's see… sparklers… bottle rockets… Roman candles… Catherine wheels… skyrockets… firecrackers… mines… flares… ah ha! My favorite! The good ol' Silver salute!)"_

 _From the crate, he withdrew a small grey cylinder, with a green fuse sticking out of the end. He was about to put the lid back on the crate, but then thought better of it and upturned it, spilling the fireworks onto the ground and into the oil. He pulled out a match hidden in the fur behind his right ear, and then struck it on the side of the crate, igniting it._

 _"(Heh heh heh… And they called me crazy for carrying a match everywhere I go… A good pyromaniac is always prepared…)"_

 _And with that, he lit the fuse of the Silver salute, and threw it as hard he could. There was a big BOOM, and the oil around the exploded firecracker went up in flames._

* * *

"I _could_ get angry at this, but what would it accomplish?" Keldeo asked rhetorically, "I mean, this character isn't even in the right evolutionary stage to even be considered to be the same Pokemon that Ash trained in Diamond and Pearl. And setting the port on fire kinda fits the crazy character he's portrayed as throughout this fanfic. And isn't it kinda funny for a _Water-_ type Pokemon to be a pyromaniac."

Keldeo then actually smiled and said, "Besides, Floatzel is actually receives punishment for doing this!"

* * *

 _Floatzel began laughing maniacally, oblivious to the fire that spreading towards him. It was only when the fireworks that were near his feet began to go off did he remember that he was standing in puddle of oil, surrounded by explosives._

 _"(I probably should've thought this through…)"_

 _"(My shiny fur is ruined! What female in their right mind would want a floatzel with singed fur_ _as their mate?!)"_

 _Fortunately for Floatzel, there had been a nearby shipping crate labeled_ _ **Fire Protection Co: Saving Lives for 50 Years**_ _. He somehow managed to wrestle off the lid, and found a pile of neatly folded fire suits. But the suits were meant for humans, not sea weasels, and some of his fur stuck out of the one he had hastily put on. In particular, the fur on his tail and rear end._

 _"(I'm gonna be the laughingstock of the lab! No one will let me forget this for as long as I live!)" he cried out miserably._

* * *

"It's better if you think of it more like something out of a _Hannah Barbera_ or _Looney Tunes_ cartoon," Keldeo explained, "Hay, the way there are these two conveniently placed crates that just happen to have just what he needs seems like something out of a cartoon. I'm kinda surprised the fireworks and fire suits weren't both made by _Acme_! That would have been the cherry on top!"

 _ **Bzzzzzzzzzt!**_

"Stop this madness! Stop it right now!" Dade demanded.

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

"Biscuits, it's just a fanfic!" Keldeo shouted.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"Floatzel should be hanged for this! _Hanged for this!_ " Dade raged.

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"Can't you just look at it like a zany cartoon or something?" Keldeo pleaded.

 _ **Bzzzzt!  
**_ "That doesn't excuse allllllllllllll of those dirty jokes that flaretempest put in this story!" Dade said with disgust evident in his voice, "They're deadly drops of venom that kill the souls of all who read them!"

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

"Innuendos can be funny if they're done right," Keldeo explained, "Like in _The Animaniacs._ "  
 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

Dade gasped in horror and said, " _The Animaniacs_?! That show is _**disgusting!**_ It's rude, loud, obnoxious! It's pure evil! It belongs in-."

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

Victini flew in next to Keldeo with fire literally burning in his eyes and shouted, "DADE! YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!"

"Victini?" Keldeo said in surprise as he backed away from the enraged Legendary.

"I did NOT hire you to insult _The Animaniacs!_ " Victini shouted.

"You _hired_ this guy?!" Keldeo asked in shock.

Victini's anger subsided and he turned to Keldeo with a shrug. "You weren't getting angry enough during this review, and I didn't want it to get boring. So, I gave Dade access to the review so he could get angry for you," he explained.

" _You're_ responsible for all the stress I've had to deal with during this review!?" Keldeo said in an accusatory tone.

"Hey! It made it interesting, didn't it?" Victini said defensively. Then he refocused on Dade and his anger returned. "But insulting _The Animaniacs_ is crossing the line. You're gonna pay for that, Dade! I'm coming over there to burn off the fur on _your_ rear end and tail! You better get the aloe vera ready, you conservative Bunnelby, 'cause here I come!"

Victini then took out a cellphone, speed dialed a number, and flew off saying, "Hello, Hoopa. . ."

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

Dade folded his arms and sneered. "Ha! That's physically impossible!" he said, "We live in completely separate universes! How could you possibly-."

Suddenly, one of Hoopa's ring portals appeared right next to Dade. The rabbit turned and looked into the ring with eyes wide with fear.

"Oh, shoot! Shoot!" Dade said as he quickly ran off in the opposite direction. Victini suddenly flew out of the ring in hot pursuit. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Dade cried out fearfully.

"Zen Headbutt!"

"No please-ACK!"

"Flame Charge!"

"No, don't hurt me-AAAUGH!"

"Searing Shot!"

"You _will_ answer for this one daAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

 _ **Bzzzt!**_

Keldeo sat in complete shock from the events that had just occurred.

"Umm. . ." he said slowly, "Well. . . Ash _has_ gotten hit by Flamethrower in the face by Charizard many times, not to mention shocked by Pikachu as well. . . so. . . I'm pretty sure Dade will be okay. I mean, Victini's a good guy, he wouldn't go too far. Yeah, umm. . ."

Keldeo shifted on his hooves uncomfortably, then he went on, "So, the Pokemon find a Porygon to search the internet for them, and some of the other Pokemon decide to pass the time by watching a horror movie. Now, the author describes the horrifying scenes very well. Almost like it's a story in a story. This is probably to punctuate the gag of Staraptor loving the violence because he's a bird of prey, and they hunt their prey by piercing it with their razor sharp talons."

* * *

 _ **He silently opened the front door and stepped into the pit of unshielded joy and merriment. There! Right in front of him, at the foot of the stairs, sat a young couple who had one too many drinks. They didn't seem to notice him until he raised his right arm in preparation to strike, bringing the cleaver down toward their-**_

 _"(Staraptor, will you_ _shut up_ _! We know you're a sadistic kind of pokemon, but that doesn't mean that you have to laugh at every blood spatter,)" growled Floatzel for what seemed like the tenth time._

 _"(S-s-s-sorry!)" he managed to get out between giggles. "(I c-can't help it! Wahahaha! Look at it! Her brain is leaking through her skull! Wahaha!)"_

 _"( birds of prey and their sadism…)" muttered Floatzel under his breath, forgetting that birds of prey also had exceptionally good hearing. But fortunately, Staraptor was still consumed by laughter, and Noctowl pretended not to hear his comment._

* * *

"It's dark, but it kinda makes sense," Keldeo admitted, "Well, after this, Porygon finds some dating advice, and the Pokemon send both Ash and May something in the mail. Unfortunately, that's where the story ends. It's another one of the many dead fanfics on the site, left to rot and never be completed. This story probably could have gotten even funnier and crazier with more of Ash's Pokemon being brought into the action, and maybe even some of May's. But, sadly, we'll never know what direction this story could've taken."

"So that was _Shades of Red,_ and to be honest, it really isn't for everyone," Keldeo admitted, "It depends on your taste in humor. And there are a few swears that I felt that weren't really necessary. As for the story itself, well, if you don't mind characters being wildly different and don't take their words or actions so seriously, I'm pretty sure you'll laugh at it."

Keldeo smiled and nodded, "Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't-."

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

Dade was standing straight up, wearing a grouchy frown. His fur was slightly singed on several places, and his eyes were bloodshot.

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

"Aha! See audiences! He's fine!" Keldeo said happily.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"I. Hate. You," Dade said darkly.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

Keldeo sighed and said, "Listen, Dade. Can't you just understand that different people have different tastes when it comes to comedy?"

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"No," Dade said flatly.

 _ **Bzzzzt!**_

"Ugh!" Keldeo groaned, "Look, Dade, you have a right to feel dislike certain jokes or even be offended by them. But you can't demand that things be censored just because _you_ don't like it. Of course, jokes can go too far. They can be too inappropriate, they can be obscene, they can be cruel and heartless; and in those cases, _yes_ , we _should_ put a stop to them. _But,_ that decision is not up to _one_ person, or even two people. It's the responsibility of larger, more diverse groups, or even society as a whole, to decide what should be allowed and what isn't. You have your own views gained from your own upbringing. Your family protests night clubs, and you have a right to do that. But you _don't_ have a right to control the actions of others just because _you_ think they're doing something wrong. And you most _certainly don't_ have the right to tell people what they should and shouldn't laugh at, because all that does it stifle creativity and prevent people from being able to _think for themselves._ There was a certain cartoon from the 1990s where the main character sums up what you need to learn pretty well. Here, listen to this:"

 _ **Duckman:**_ _"Comedy should provoke! It should blast through prejudices, challenge preconceptions! Comedy should always leave you different than when it found you. Sure, humor can hurt, even alienate, but the risk is better than the alternative: a steady diet of innocuous, child-proof, flavorless mush! Demand to be challenged, to be offended, to be treated like thinking, reasoning adults. And raise your children to be the same. Don't let a comedian, a network, a Congressional committee, or an evil genius take away your freedom to laugh at whatever you want."_

Keldeo was silent for a moment, staring intently, and then he said, "Understand?"

 _ **Bzzzzzzt!**_

Dade stared with wide, shiny eyes. He blinked several times and licked his lips a few times as well. He cleared his throat, nodded silently, and spoke.

"Mare Do Well Credit Card." **(5)**

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

"A MARE DO WELL CREDIT CARD!?" Keldeo roared, and he began wildly firing Focus Blasts all over the place.

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

Dade smirked and said, "He's Keldeo the Critic. He reviews it, so you don't have to."

 _ **Bzzzzzt!**_

"MARE DO WELL CREDIT CARD?! ARCEEEEEEEUS!" Keldeo shouted furiously.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 **(1)** _Rigby- Stop Talking! – Regular Show_ (TinyURL: kq4ylqw)

 **(1)** _Nostalgia Critic: The Cat in the Hat_

 **(2)** _Bad Milk- brutalmoose_ (TinyURL: y9m4jdmz)

 **(3)** _joschorcher (The Fiery Joker)_

 **(4)** _Fingerlings Tales | Get To Know Boris & His Best Kept SECRET _(TinyURL: y8tx23hg)

 **(5)** _Mare Do Well Credit Card_ (TinyURL: ybxew9ho)

 _ **Other References**_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _The Muppet Show (1976 - 1981)_

 _Harvey Beaks (2015 - 2017)_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Batman and Robin_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Top 11 Mess Ups_

 _Bee Movie (2007)_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- S04 E13: Simple Ways_

 _MLP-Silver-Quill_

 _Duckman (1994 – 1997)_


	41. E13: Top 5 Sources of Sweet Dreams Fuel

_**The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 13: Keldeo's Top 5 Favorite Sources of Sweet Dreams Fuel**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL:** **y7aazmx8**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said, and he smiled eagerly and said, "Hey. Next month is October. You know what that means!"

Keldeo paused for a moment, then he exclaimed, "Gourgeist Festival Month!"

Keldeo then leaned in close and said in a loud stage whisper, "Or _Halloween Month,_ to you."

Keldeo grinned and sat up straight, and he said, "Yep! October is gonna be filled with reviews of content of a more. . . creepy nature. Horror, thriller, tragedy, dark, suspense, stuff like that. Oh, this is gonna be big! In fact, I've already got my team working on it right now!"

 _ **Meanwhile. . . .**_

Munna, Floyd, and Victini were all gathered together in room in an undisclosed location; and they were all working on a Jack-O-Chica animatronic lying on a table. Victini was in the process of pulling parts out of the robot, when he and the other two suddenly realized they were being watched.

The three of them stared blankly for a moment, then Victini said quickly, "We swear this isn't a clue."

 _"Come and burn with me!"_ Jack-O-Chica said.

"Shut-up," Victini said quickly without looking down.

 _ **Back with Keldeo. . .**_

"That being the case," Keldeo said, "I thought it might be a good idea to equip you with some tools that will help you get through the horror and sleep at night. Not just from the stuff I'm gonna review, but from whatever creepy plans you might have in your own lives, whether it be haunted houses, horror movies, or horror games. _FNAF- Ultimate Custom Night_ is free after all."

"Now, to be clear, this really is just _my_ personal list. Some of these might just not work for you. But I'm pretty sure they will make you feel at least somewhat better about the world in , to try to help you get through October, and the maybe the first week of November too, here are my Top 5 favorite sources of Sweet Dreams Fuel!" (TinyURL: yadw6o6g)

 _ **Number 5. . .**_

"Keeping a Pokemon plush toy on your bed at night."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof quickly and said, "Now, before you reply with, _'I'm not a little kid who needs to sleep with a teddy bear,'_ hear me out. I didn't say to _sleep with_ the Pokemon plush toy, I said to just keep it on your bed. The idea is that it's _defending you._ Think about how powerful Pokemon are and how loyal they are to their Trainer. Pikachu could take on Freddy Fazbear and all of his friends easily! I actually got this idea from something else. I've heard of people like AnyaBoz on Deviantart who make these foot-tall spirit-animal-type things called Room Guardians. These life-like looking dolls are meant to magically watch over the person's home."

Keldeo smiled nervously and said, " _Yeeaaah_ , I think these things are _really_ creepy. Like, imagine if the Kraang mutagen from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles found its way into _Zootopia._ Heh-heh. Personally, I think having a Pokemon watching over you is a better idea."

Keldeo's smile became sheepish, and he added, "Although, I might be a little biased on that account. I mean, I _am_ a Pokemon!"

 _ **"Power Action Pikachu by Wicked Cool Toys!"**_

"Not a sponsor!" Keldeo called out quickly.

 _ **Number 4. . .**_

" _PAW Patrol_."

"It's puppies going on rescue missions, that seems pretty self-explanatory," Keldeo said, "Although, I should also mention that what makes this show good is how there actually is actual danger and peril in this show. There really _are_ some high stakes in certain episodes. Sure, a lot of them are just fun and hijinks, but certain episodes do have some good action to them. But since the pups always succeed, it's really fulfilling and just gives your spirit a lift."

Keldeo nodded and smiled, "It's always nice to see the good guys win, but when the good guys are lovable and cute and absolutely charming; while still being likeable, well-written, and fleshed out individual characters, it just creates a mixture that warms your very soul. Plus, since the writing is good and clever and takes itself seriously, it won't bore or annoy you like, say, _Dora the Explorer_ or any of those kiddie shows on _Disney Junior._ "

Keldeo grinned and said, "Now, you might wonder if watching _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ could have the same effect."

Keldeo shook his head. "No," he said strongly, "Seriously, MLP has had plenty of kinda disturbing moments, and disturbing episodes! _Luna Eclipsed, Party of One, 28 Pranks Later, Lesson Zero, anything_ involving unreformed Changelings, seriously, Equestria is _not_ all sunshine and rainbows in both fanon _and_ canon."

 _ **Number 3. . .**_

"The _Honey Girls_ music videos."

"The _Honey Girls_ was a series of three. . . no, five. . . no, six characters created by _Build-A-Bear Workshop,_ " Keldeo explained, "The characters were meant to symbolize friendship and inner strength. . ."

Keldeo smiled slyly and said, "Gee, does that sound familiar at all?"

Keldeo shrugged, "Anyway, the _Honey Girls_ were meant to be an all-girl rock band, and all of the toys could sing, so it made sense for them to put music videos up on YouTube. I actually discovered them by accident due to seeing a commercial that featured some really good CGI animation. It was so good I just had to check it out. Now, the first four videos aren't worth watching. The animation was terrible. The good stuff began on October 16, 2015, with the video _Honey Girls sing The Heartbeat Song_ (TinyURL: yboosmak) _._ It was a viral video sensation, probably because _Heartbeat Song_ by Kelly Clarkson was already a very popular song."

Keldeo frowned and said, "Now, I actually looked really hard to find out who the singers were, but I couldn't find any information on who _Build-A-Bear Workshop_ hired. That's kinda messed up, seeing as they made quite a few music videos, and the rest of them weren't covers, but original songs! They deserve credit for their musical talent!"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Well, anyway, the characters are cute and well animated to look like actual stuffed animals that came to life; and the songs are catchy and a lot of fun. Oh, and the locations are so detailed with great lighting and everything, it's just a feast for the eyes. If you're feeling sad or scared, just take a look at how close and friendly these singing stuffed animals are and you'll be bursting with joy."

 _ **Number 2. . .**_

" _Fingerlings Tales."_

"I DO NOT like Fingerlings," Keldeo said with a straight face and a serious tone, "They are some of the _creepiest_ toys I've ever seen. The way they move, the weird sounds they make, their empty eyes, their dead faces- I HATE THEM!"

Keldeo then immediately switched to a smile and said, "But the cartoon is fun. Yeah, WowWee had a web series made called _Fingerlings Tales_ that featured fully animated version of the toys. Unlike the corpse-like toys, the monkeys, sloths, and unicorns in the CGI cartoon all have actual eyes and better proportioned bodies that move fluidly and energetically to create a really fun and lively world."

"The cartoon primarily focuses on four main characters; Boris the rebel, Bella the overachiever, Marge the laid-back cool girl, and Gigi the Pinkie Pie. While the show is pretty much a candy land where nothing all that bad happens, there's still these little touches of conflict to keep things interesting."

Keldeo grinned and said, "Also, the people who write for this series somehow manage to sneak in little bits of cynical humor, and maybe even black comedy, to make it way more engaging that a show about _Fingerlings_ has any right to be. It doesn't get _too_ dark, of course. It's just kinda played for laughs."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Aw man, it's _Kitty Is Not a Cat_ all over again. I'm terrible at explaining how good _Fingerlings Tales_ with just words alone. Look, if you ever need cheering up, fell free to check the cartoon out. Oh! One other thing. Don't confuse it with _The Fingerlings_ _Show_ _._ That's just a lame puppet show where the voice actors talk over the toys being played with. Like I said, I think the toys are creepy and lifeless, especially compared to the awesome CGI animation, so trust me and stick with _Fingerlings Tales._ "

 _ **And My Number 1 Favorite Source of Sweet Dreams Fuel is. . .**_

" _Scootaloo in Cloudsdale_ by Tamar."

* * *

 _ **Scootaloo in Cloudsdale**_

 _Rated E_

 _Slice of Life_

 _Rainbow Dash_

 _Scootaloo_

 _After realising that Scootaloo has never been to Cloudsdale, Rainbow takes the filly to the citadel of the pegasi, much to Scootaloo's excitement._

 _A short sketch for Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo; gentle friendshipping._

* * *

Keldeo applauded with his forehooves for a solid minute, then he said, "I have read a _lot_ of fanfics over the years. One-shots, multi-chaptered epics, drabbles, you name it. But in all that time, I have _never_ read a fanfic as heartwarming, calming, and relaxing as _Scootaloo in Cloudsadale_ by Tamar."

Keldeo closed his eyes and smiled as he shook his head slowly. "This story, only a little more than 3,000 words long, is able to generate so many positive emotions. . ."

Keldeo opened his eyes and explained, "It really is a simple premise. Rainbow Dash gives Scootaloo a tour of Cloudsdale. So yeah, it's what they call a _'Scootalove'_ fanfic, but what makes this one special is that it doesn't go the whole 'Dash finds out Scootaloo's an orphan and adopts her or swears eternal sisterhood to her' route. No, there's none of that drama here. Dash just find out that Scootaloo hasn't been there, so she takes her there. It's just a nice, relaxing flow of events of the two characters spending time together."

Keldeo's smile broadened as he went on eagerly, "Plus, there's plenty of cool lore here! We learn a little bit how Cloudsdale operates and how it moves along. We get to see multiple areas of the city and stuff. I like how it gently draws you into the world the story takes place in without having to introduce any drama or conflict. It's really sweet, and it accurately portrays Rainbow Dash's softer side in a way that feels in character for her. It's the perfect story to read before going to sleep. Hey, this would make a perfect bedtime story for kids who like _My Little Pony_!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Alright. Those are my own personal Top 5 favorite sources of Sweet Dreams Fuel. I hope you'll give them a chance, because trust me. . ."

Keldeo smiled a fiendish smile very slowly, and he said, ". . . because you're gonna need it! I'm Keldeo the Critic, and the next time we meet, the Gourgeist Festival will have begun! Mwah-hahahahahahahhaaaaaa!"

Keldeo then used Hydro Pump from his hooves to fly away.

 _ **Meanwhile. . .**_

Munna, Floyd, and Victini were now gathered around an animatronic version of Marshall from the PAW Patrol, only the Dalmatian was wearing read fireproof armor with a flamethrower on his back.

The three Pokemon looked up and stared blankly again.

"I still swear this isn't a clue," Victini said in the same tone as before.

 _"I am a burning reminder of your misdeeds!"_ the animatronic pup snarled in Marshall's voice.

Munna smiled and said, "Yes! We finally got the voice changed! Perfect!"

Victini just face palmed.

"Loosen up, Victini!" Floyd said, "We still have a bunch more robots to prepare for Damian Stone's _Ultimate Night_!"

"SPOILERS!" Victini shouted indignantly.

Munna frowned and said, "You know that we couldn't let little innocent Zorua take part in this."

"Whatever, let's just get the next one ready," Victini mumbled.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _TV Tropes- Sweet Dreams Fuel_ (TinyURL: yadw6o6g)

 _FNAF- Ultimate Custom Night_ by Scott Cawthon

Room Guardians by AnyaBoz (TinyURL: yd6ytoek)

 _Wicked Cool Toys_

 _PAW Patrol_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Build-A-Bear Workshop_

 _Fingerlings Tales_ (TinyURL: yabgp4va)

 _Scootaloo in Cloudsdale_ by Tamar (TinyURL: y6vfw6tk)

 _Zuma's Courage_ by HavocHound

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Adventures of Pluto Nash_


	42. From Fear To Courage

Within the room in the undisclosed location, Munna, Floyd, and Victini were once again gathered around the table. This time the broken form of Robo-Dog lay on the table, it's glass-dome face screen was completely shattered, and its body was riddled with bullet holes.

"Okay, last one," Munna said with relief, her eyes bleary with exhaustion.

Floyd let out a loud yawn.

Victini nodded, looking a bit tired as well, and he said, "Let's hope this one work on the first try."

Victini then hit the play button on an audio cassette player on the table next to Withered Robo-Dog.

 _"Begin audio prompt in 3. . . 2 . . . 1. . ._ "

The musical introduction to Psycho Killer by Talking Heads began to play.

 _"Might as well_ _ **face**_ _the facts. You were always destined to fail,"_ Withered Robo-Dog said.

"FINALLY!" Victini shouted, "WE'RE DONE!"

"We kinda cut it close, don't you think?" Floyd remarked as he turned off the audio cassette player.

"So?" Munna replied, "All that matters now is that we did it. Come on, let's put this guy in his place and get out of here."

Victini smiled and said, "I'm just glad Matthais took care of all the cameras, sounds, and technical stuff. I'd hate to be the one to have to do all that."

If Munna had shoulders, she would have shrugged as she said, "How hard could it have been. There's gotta be hundreds of FNAF fan games out there."

"But most of them are so cheap looking- _oh forget it_ ," Victini said in annoyance, "Come on, let's just finish up so we get out of here and have some coffee."

Floyd eyed Victini severely and said, "The last thing _you_ need is coffee."

* * *

 _ **KELDEO'S GOURGEIST FESTIVAL!**_

* * *

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season 5**

 **Episode 14: From Fear to Courage by HavocHound**

Keldeo jumped down to his usual spot and neighed as he reared up onto his hind legs. His body was covered in white scales, and his mane and tail were extra furry and fuzzy, not to mention electric-blue in color. He also had the same fur on his fetlocks as well, and he wore a longer, pointier horn right over his real horn. Keldeo was dressed as a Kirin from _Monster Hunter World._

Keldeo brought his front legs down hard and shouted, "HAPPY GOURGEIST FESTIVAL MONTH EVERYONE!"

Keldeo then smiled sheepishly and said, "Yes, I know the Gourgeist Festival is only one day, but I kinda need it to last a whole month so I can actually do some great reviews, so there."

Keldeo then nodded and said, "Well, given the theme of this month, it makes sense that I go back to one of the scariest, most disturbing stories I've ever reviewed."

* * *

 _ **Too Much H2O**_

 _By Toadettegirl2012_

 _Just a fanfic reminding us all why we shouldn't drink too much water! Too bad Ash had to figure that out the hard way! Rated T just to be safe!_

 _Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,105 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: Jan 6, 2013 - Ash K./Satoshi - Complete_

* * *

"No, no, no, I'm talking about _Zuma's Fear_ by HavocHound ( **TinyURL:** ycsy4gjb)," Keldeo said, "You know, the story where the PAW Patrol is beaten down by the mass murderer Damian Stone. And let me tell you, that story did _not_ sit right with me. Not only did Stone kinda win in that story, traumatizing Marshall into a Heroic Blue Screen of Death and causing Zuma to disappear, but it also had a magical talking white wolf!"

Keldeo face hoofed at this and sighed. Then he put his hoof back down and said, "But the white wolf is the least of my concerns. Seriously, that story was so _dark_ and _twisted_ and _brutal_! Even Jessie's Mimikyu would be like:"

 _ **Mimikyu:**_ _". . . No. . . Just. . . no. . ."_

"This story actually kinda left a scar or two on my psyche. Nothing too serious, but still, it was a messed-up experience!" Keldeo went on, "It was a world where justice was pretty much dead, and that's not a place I'm comfortable being in. It ended with a cliffhanger, and I anticipated the sequel until the very day that HavocHound finally published it."

Keldeo let out a huge sigh of relief and shouted up towards the sky, " _Finally_! Justice can finally be done!"

Keldeo calmed back down and refocused his attention straight ahead, "HavocHound has been updating the sequel, _Zuma's Courage,_ for a while now, but unfortunately, it's Rated M, meaning I can't do a review on it. _However,_ I _can_ do a quick editorial on it when it's finished. I can also share _one_ awesome scene from the story with you as a kind of sneak peek to anyone interested in HavocHound's work."

* * *

 _Skye had to admit, this new jetpack Ryder gave her moved like a breeze. With the slightest touch, she could change directions at lighting speeds thanks to her new twin radiant jets. The upgraded pup pack could be manipulated to strafe, float, or charge in any direction. Appearance wise, her gear was similar to that of a heavy SWAT like version of her previous suit with the Paw Patrol logo on the right-side of her chest while on the back, in white, was her name and the number four. Her helmet was new as well. It covered he entire face and had a black face visor that acted as a screen inside. She could see various amounts of data being presented to her including who was the enemy, where her friends were, a mini-map, a gauge for fuel, armor capacity, missile count, and dials for altitude and speed. On her front paws were long claws that she could extend back and forth in different sizes while retreating them if need be. While she felt a bit scared, and disgusted, by how sharp these claws were, she remembered that these were the bastards who served a single man who ruined her entire family's life._

 _They were getting no mercy._

 _"Ruff! Missile launcher! Fire!" shouted Skye as the sides of her jetpack opened up, revealing two sets of mini-spike missile launchers that fired into the air before sailing for their respective targets._

 _The humans, once getting out of their collective shock, ran away from the explosions burned the area. Some of them getting their limbs blown off while others were killed instantly. "Where the hell did they get such firepower?!"_

 _"Who cares?! Shoot her!" shouted another one as they opened fire._

 _Skye was easily able to dodge the fire in the air, although one or two lucky shots hit her. The armor held up, however, as she then called Marshall and Chase. "Okay, boys. Teach them a lesson."_

 _As soon as she did that, a section of the Lookout blew up, blinding one half of the others. Before they could react, they were starting to get gun downed by Gatling gun fire. Coming out of the fire was a heavy armored blue figure with armor much like Skye's only Chase's name was on the back as well as the number two. His pup pack held a mini gun that was quite heavy to use, but it made up for it in raw fire power. Twin ammo belts of 7.62×51mm NATO rounds were connected to it as he continued to fire with extreme prejudice. He tried not to think of the screaming and pleas for mercy as the bullets ripped the flesh of those in front of him. Only to focus on the targeting system and number of bullets he had. If he ran out, he could always engage in close combat with shock paw gauntlets._

 _A group of the others were trying to run away, but they then spotted something coming from the fire. It walked through it like it was no big deal, as if the heat and flames were nothing. Marshall's fire proof red armor, with his name and the number three on the back, easily made it look like he was coming out of hell, yet the cooling system made it seem like it was autumn inside. With a single snarl, he opened fire, spreading the hot burning flames._

 _Seeing as they were out classed and out gunned, the remaining members of the team headed off to their vehicles only to see them explode in a burning bright flash one by one. Horrified the team noticed a single pup that stood a few feet from the explosion and yet didn't look back. His yellow armor held his name and the number seven on the back, although it was heavier than the others with padding. Rubble had to find the situation ironic. He was a construction pup and now he was a demolition pup with enough explosives to level the mayor's house if he wanted. While a part of him wanted to test out the new grenade launcher on his back, he instead barked a command and waved bye-bye to the remaining thugs. The said thugs were confused until they head some beeping noised and looked down, revealing a set of mines that were glowing._

 _One of the thugs managed to bolt right out awhile ago and dive for the water, thankful that he could swim. He dropped his gun and began swimming as fast as he could; kicking up in speeds after hearing the explosions. He didn't know who dropped the bar on the information about these pups but they were no longer playing around like before. He only hoped he could swim to someplace safe and get out of the state before Stone realized he had failed and was still alive._

 _This was his last thought before a 7.62×51mm NATO round went right through his head. It came from a single mixed breed pup in green armor with his name and the number five on it, who was perched on a tree. On his visor were special targeting programs for distance, wind, velocity, and aim. All to assist his new modified Remington MSR sniper rifle. Barking it away, his visor zipped back into his helmet as he looked at the range he shot the bastard: 1300 Meters._

 _He looked at his friends and the carnage they had dealt with thanks to the H.A.V.O.C. armor. They could hear sounds of police cars arriving and wanting to know more about what happened. Rocky hoped news crews would come as well. He wanted Stone to see this. He wanted Stone to know that Paw Patrol was coming…_

… _and blood would be spilled before this war was over._

* * *

"OH MY GOSH!" Keldeo said in utter awe, "That was the _coolest_ thing ever!"

Keldeo performed a backflip and said, "Evil getting utterly _obliterated_! It's like someone combined the 2012 _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Warframe,_ and _Redwall_ into one hardcore package of infinite awesomeness! This is incredible!"

Keldeo caught his breath, and he said, "Whew! Well, like I said, I can't review that story due to its M rating. However, I can review the interlude meant to go in between _Zuma's Fear_ and _Zuma's Courage._ A story aptly named _From Fear To Courage._ "

* * *

 _ **From Fear To Courage**_

 _By: HavocHound_

 _(Takes Place Between Zuma's Fear and upcoming Zuma's Courage) A few months after the events of Zuma's Fear, various characters begin to slowly grow in power, look for love, or find hope and courage in the coming darkness._

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Suspense - [Zuma, Rocky] Ryder, Chase - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,025 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 29 - Updated: Nov 28, 2016 - Published: Jul 12, 2016 - Status: Complete - id: 12046862_

* * *

"This story is written anthology style, meaning that each chapter focuses on a specific character. Very clever decision in my book," Keldeo said with an approving smile, "Well then, let's not waste any time in taking a look at what the dark recesses of HavocHound's mind have in store for these pups. This is _From Fear To Courage._ "

"The first chapter focuses on the amalgamation of ever villain trope that ever was that is Damian Stone, but I'm actually gonna review that chapter last. Why?" Keldeo just smiled knowingly and said, "Oh, don't worry. You'll see why before long. Instead, let's start with chapter 2, which focuses on Rocky. Ever since Zuma disappeared, Rocky has been crisscrossing the entire country trying to find him."

* * *

 _Rocky went inside his car and took out a small photograph and showed it to the man. "Have you seen this pup?"_

 _The human took the photograph that showed Zuma on his surfboard, smiling as he rode the waves of Adventure Bay. "I've think I saw him in the papers a few months ago. Didn't they say he died or something?"_

 _Rocky immediately snatched the photo back and growled at the man, causing him to back away with his hands up. "He's. Not._ _Dead."_

 _Without waiting for an explanation, Rocky tossed the photo back in his seat and pressed the gas. His tires streaked as he headed back on the highway with over a hundred miles to go before he reached Adventure Bay. No doubt Ryder would scold him for leaving again, but Rocky didn't care; Ryder wasn't going to stop him._

 _Nothing was going to stop him from finding Zuma._

* * *

"This is a noble goal," Keldeo remarked with a half-smile, but then he leaned in close without warning and shouted, "Too bad it's driven him _**completely insane!**_ "

* * *

 _One of the bikers, maybe the leader from the looks of his black and gold lined jacked, circled around the vehicle. When he stopped in front of the Paw Patrol logo, he pulled out his cigarette in his mouth and pressed it against the logo. "I think I know what this is. It's one of those Paw Patrol cars I've seen on the news sometimes. Remember? That Damian Stone fella? I heard you lost two of ya's to that murderer. One's got mental trauma and the other went and killed himself."_

 _"He's not dead…" whispered Rocky._

 _"Of course, considering the whole thing is apparently his fault to begin with…"_

 _"Shut up…"_

 _"I guess it's not a surprise the dumb pup went and drown himself. YaAAAAAUGH!"_

* * *

Keldeo laughed an uncomfortable fake laugh and said with a disappointed frown, "Yeah, I don't like this chapter. I can't even find it in me to do a Zuul joke here. I mean, speaking as a Sword of Justice, I can't agree with Rocky's actions here. All the bikers did was talk, and Rocky brutally attacked them. Sure, they were. . . racist against dogs, I guess. But you can't assault people and _cripple them for life_ just because they said a few mean things. If you _could,_ then the whole world would be a war zone. Therefore, if Rocky was shot dead in this scene, the bikers would be in the right. It would be self-defense. Yeah, they _were_ bad people, but Rocky was still in the wrong here."

Keldeo became thoughtful for a moment and said, "You know, it would be cool if the gang showed up again in _Zuma's Courage_ to get revenge. Yeah, that would be smart. Get to work on this, HavocHound, this could be a key plot point, and it might redeem yourself for the flaw that was this chapter."

Keldeo shifted uncomfortably and said, "Anyway, how about we just skip to the end, where we get some important news."

* * *

 _"Ryder… I…"_

" _Marshall's home."_

 _For a moment, the world stood still as Rocky's heart stopped. "W-what?"_

" _He's home, Rocky. He's finally home. Please… for him…"_

 _"… okay."_

* * *

"We then move onto Ryder's chapter, who's finally feeling some guilt over his _stupid_ decisions during _Zuma's Fear_ ," Keldeo said bitterly.

* * *

 _Ryder dropped the wrench he was holding and sobbed into his hand. It was all his fault. If he had just told the police about that gangster who threated Greg and Marsha, he would still have his family. If he had just done the right thing instead of letting Greg handle it, he could have prevented this tragedy. Sure, Zuma wouldn't be part of the team most likely, but he would gladly take a world where he never joined over a world where he suffered._

 _He promised Zuma he would protect him. He would give him a home and a future. He failed him. He failed Greg, Marsha, and Shelly. He failed his pups._

* * *

Keldeo's bitterness vanished and he sighed, "Okay, now that he's acknowledged it, I don't hate Ryder anymore. I just can't. He a precocious child whose maturity has grown far beyond his age. Sure, he made a huge mistake, but here he is trying to fix it by creating the H.A.V.O.C. gear; the totally awesome weaponry from the _Zuma's Courage_ scene I shared with you earlier."

"Anyway, while this chapter focuses on Ryder, Rubble also gets a moment to shine here. He actually has to _bite_ Ryder in order to get him to snap out of his self-loathing and realize, _'Hey, we're still alive, so let's keep fighting until Damian Stone isn't!_ "

* * *

 _"Ryder, you are not to blame for this. You did everything you could to keep us safe. Sure, things didn't work out, but as far as I am concerned this mission isn't over!"_

 _"Mission? What mission?" asked Ryder._

 _Rubble took a deep breath. "To save Zuma from Damian Stone." He pointed to Ryder. "Our words are that no job is too big and no pup is too small. We may be down. We may be hurt. We may have lost some battles, but this mission isn't over. We've never failed a mission and we won't fail now. I know things look bad, but they've been bad before and we've won. Marshall, Rocky,_ _and_ _Zuma are going to come back. Because we're family. We're friends. We're Paw Patrol."_

 _Ryder stared at the little pup who seemed to have grown an inch or two in the boy's eyes. A small chuckle escaped his lips. "Rubble? Thank you."_

* * *

"This actually fits Rubble's character, or at least what his character would be in this scenario," Keldeo explained, "A strong sense of optimism, tempered by fierce determination gained from the darkness he's experienced."

Keldeo then smiled excitedly and said, "Oh boy, Zuma's up next! This means we get to see how Oriel the magical white talking wolf has been training him! I'm thinking it'll be like a combination of Po's training from the first _Kung Fu Panda_ movie combined with the training montages we've seen in _Samurai Jack._ Or maybe it'll be something from _Dragon Ball Z._ Or maybe-."

* * *

 _How long had he been down here? Days? Weeks? That wolf said he would teach him to fight, to survive. Yet the first thing he had done was drop him in this small cave with no way out, surrounded only by rocks and water._

* * *

Keldeo blinked in confusion, then he shrugged and said, "Or that."

* * *

 _He wondered if the wolf was trying to let him die of hunger. While Zuma welcomed death easily, he didn't want it to be like this. He growled and muttered, "What does he want from me. It's been seven days!"_

* * *

"Hmmm. Seven days to live, and someone trapped in a deep pit with water in it," Keldeo muttered, "Is Oriel a fan of _The Ring_? Or does Samara exist in the universe and he's her pet wolf?"

* * *

 _Just then, something fell right next to him. He blinked before turning over and spotted a dead rabbit. Its throat was cut, and blood was coming out towards Zuma. The pup screamed and jumped back, shivering like made upon seeing the bloody rabbit. "N-no! S-Stop it! Stop it!" shouted Zuma as he held his paws to his head._

* * *

"Okay, I get what's going on now, but this means either Zuma told him that he was afraid of blood or Oriel somehow read Zuma's mind!" Keldeo complained, "And both options seem unlikely. I mean, I don't see any point where Zuma would've been like, _'Oh, by the way, magical white wolf, I'm afraid of blood.'_ It just seems weirdly convenient and out of nowhere."

Keldeo shrugged it off and said, "Well, Oriel plan is clear now. He's getting rid of Zuma's fear of blood by forcing him to eat raw, bloody rabbits in order to survive. He's basically trying to turn a dog into a wolf, and. . ." Keldeo's eyes widened, ". . .it actually works. . ."

* * *

 _"I left you in there for a week to starve, this is true," admitted Oriel, keeping his neutral expression. "But I gave you food each day after. You only refused it because of your fear of blood. You had to make a choice. Face that fear or die. You faced it. You concurred it. Do you fear blood now?"_

 _Zuma didn't answer, he just lowered his head. "Is… is this going to be like the rest of the training?"_

 _"Yes, but it will be worth it. Don't you agree?"_

 _Zuma tried to hear the screams of his family… but heard nothing._

 _"Yes."_

* * *

"But this is _NOT_ a good thing," Keldeo said, "And HavocHound realizes this, as in _Zuma's Courage,_ it becomes clear that Zuma. . . kinda. . . just. . . turns evil. Him not being able to hear his family is symbolic of him losing his conscience and becoming a killing machine. This is clever writing, as it would have been easy for HavocHound to just have Zuma become this heroic Samurai Jack/Goku/Batman-type figure who went through intense training and is now all pure and good and mighty and fearless and leads the heroes against the bad guy. Instead, Zuma becomes more like Infinite from _Sonic Forces._ Not caring about anything but destroying his foes and proving that he's not weak. If anything, Zuma is even _better_ than Infinite in that he is more fleshed out, has better and clearer motivations, _and_ has some actualredeeming qualities. HavocHound makes Zuma complex, putting him in a morally grey area where his means aren't necessarily justified by his ends. This new Zuma is a character that we can both cheer for and shake our heads at. Very clever, Havochound."

* * *

 _Police Report Case: 24515_

 _Officer On Duty: Detective Andrew Shaw_

* * *

"Alright! Detective Shaw! This guy is awesome!" Keldeo said gleefully, "What's also cool is that this chapter is actually a police report written by Shaw. Pretty cool stylistic choice! That being said, there's no real point in me reviewing it. Shaw has a few clever things to say, like how Damian Stone is the one criminal that he's obsessed with getting, how stupid it was for Stone to have escaped so easily, and stuff like that. We also learn that Damian Stone seems to be building an army of criminals, stockpiling drugs, and amazing enough heavy weapons to supply an army."

 _ **M. Bison:**_ _"OF COURSE!"_

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Yeah. Sure. Have Damian Stone wanna take over. . . well, maybe not the world, but why not the United States! Sure, why not. He already has every other villain trope within him."

"After our visit with the hardboiled, strong willed, no-nonsense detective, we then move on to Chase, who is deeply upset by Marshall's Heroic Blue Screen of Death."

* * *

 _Chase continued to stare at Marshall who continued to stare at the wall with his wide eyes, hugging his favorite bear. Six months he had been like this. Barely eating or even speaking. If it wasn't for the fact that he was breathing, Chase would have sworn he was dead._

 _He might as well be,_ _thought Chase, closing his eyes._ _This isn't living._

 _He didn't fully understand what it was that the doctor had said about_ _why_ _Marshall was like this, but it had to do something with living while the human and her unborn child had been killed. Marshall was ready to die to protect them. He demanded Zuma tell Damian to shoot him. And he watched as that monster kill the human just to make him suffer. Marshall was trapped in a spiral of guilt and depression, and Chase had no way of knowing how to save him._

 _"Please, Marshall…" whispered Chase, opening his eyes as he stared into Marshall's soul. "Please, whatever it is that I can do… just say something!" He jumped onto his bed and stared into his face, which held no reaction. "The Marshall I know is in there. I know he is! I need my best buddy! I need my partner! I need… I need my brother, Marshall." Before he knew it, tears were falling down his face. "Skye and Rubble miss you. Ryder is working himself to insomnia. Rocky… he's always looking for Zuma who for all we know might have killed himself!" He wrapped his arms around Marshall and cried. "Marshall, please wake up! I know you think it's your fault for what happened, but it's not!_ _It's not!"_

* * *

"This seems to be enough to get Marshall talking," Keldeo said nervously, "But unfortunately, he doesn't exactly have anything optimistic to say,"

* * *

 _"He hurt me Chase… he broke me… I can still feel him… I can still hear him… I can see every horrible thing he did…" whispered Marshall, resting his head against Chase's chest. "I want it to end, Chase. I can't live like this!" He considered Chase's eyes and cried, "If you do love! You'll kill me, Chase! I can't do it because I'm afraid, but if you could… if you could…"_

 _Chase stood there, holding his brother who was begging for his death. An hour had to have passed before Chase closed his eyes. "You want to die that badly?"_

 _"Yes…" whispered Marshall._

* * *

 _ **Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged Noah:**_ _"Initiate bitch-slap subroutine!"_

 _ **Virtual Kaiba:**_ _"Subroutine initiated."_

* * *

 _SMACK!_

 _Marshall didn't expect Chase to smack him. He didn't expect a second blow either. Or a third. By the time, Chase stopped with the blows, he was glaring at the scared dalmatian. "Coward."_

* * *

"THANK YOU!" Keldeo shouted, "Look, I know it seems harsh, but I hate it when heroes shut down just because the villain beat them bad. Why? Because that's what _I_ did before I was an official Sword of Justice! Remember what happened in my movie? First, I ran away from Kyurem, and _then_ I cowered behind while Ash and Pikachu went off to face Kyurem by themselves!"

Keldeo frowned and said, "I am _still_ ashamed of that, and I don't want any other hero to make the same mistakes _I_ made!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, Chase then gives this epic speech about how _everyone_ has been hurt, not just Marshall, and how selfish suicide will only increase everyone else's pain, and how they all need to _**FIGHT BACK!**_ "

* * *

 _"Then how about you and I get the heck out of here, go home, and make Paw Patrol strong again," said Chase as he walked over to Marshall and held his paw. "We'll get the team together and we'll stop Damian Stone."_

 _"I don't want to stop him," growled Marshall as his sorrowful eyes were replaced with rage. "I want to kill him."_

 _"…. We will," answered Chase, nodding. "I swear he will die by our paws. It may not be justice, but just this once I am willing to forsake that."_

 _"… Chase, I want you to promise me one thing," whispered Marshall as he wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. "If he ever… captures me again or is about to… don't let him take me alive."_

 _"… I promise," whispered Chase as he wrapped his paws around his best friend. "You fired up?"_

 _"I'm fired up," whispered Marshall with a small smile. "And I have to pee. Where is the bathroom."_

 _Chase laughed and knew his best friend was back._

* * *

"Glad to see Marshall's true self has been preserved even after all that!" Keldeo said with a grin.

Keldeo then sighed, and he said with a grave expression on his face, "And now, let's go back to the first chapter. The one featuring Damian Stone."

* * *

 _Not two months after Damian left Adventure Bay, rumored to have driven the dog who got him arrested into killing himself, the top seven gang leaders were called into a meeting by an abandoned factory at the docks. The seven, arriving with their bodyguards, all sat down on a round table with chairs set up for them. Each of them was involved in something illegal: drugs, prostitution, arms dealing, extortion, blackmail, etc. You name it, and they did it._

 _automatic gunfire made contact with the table and quickly sent everyone down for cover while their bodyguards took out their pistols and aimed around the factory. However, a few were shot down in the ensuing chaos from gunfire everywhere from above. Either by intention or bad aim, the bullets managed to hit the downed bodyguards in non-lethal areas, but that didn't stop them from cursing their mouths off from the pain before blacking out._

 _The bosses and their men looked ready to run for their lives when just as quick as the guns fired, they suddenly stopped._

 _"I started the meeting actually," said a voice from a railing up above as he made his presence known with two others beside him. "Glad you could all make it. I hope you enjoyed the opening entertainment. Now it's time for the main event."_

* * *

 _ **Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged Marik:**_ _"Welcome, gentlemen. I'm glad to see you've all came. . . With our combined evil we shall defeat him. . . somehow."_

"Actually, no, it's not Marik Ishtar's Evil Council of Doom. It's Damian Stone, who has a hideous surprise for the seven gang leaders. Ugh," Keldeo said with a grimace.

* * *

 _The bosses all looked at the bag, then each other, then the bag again. Nobody wanted to touch it, but it was clear that they had to. Finally, taking a deep breath, Rodriguez ordered one of his body guard to unzip it. When they saw what was inside, everybody turned green. Some even lost their lunch at both the sight of what lay inside and the horrible stench that slowly became too much for them._

 _"Those are the heads of all your top lieutenants," answered Stone as he pulled out his infamous blade, Shiva, out and licked the still bloody edge. "Me and Shiva did all that in less than two hours. Do you want to see what we can do in a whole night?"_

* * *

"THAT'S! JUST! NOT! POSSIBLE!" Keldeo cried out in anger, "That's one of the main problems I had with _Zuma's Fear_. How can the most wanted man in the entire country do all this crazy stuff and _not get caught!_ He plants bombs, kidnaps people, breaks into buildings, sets up computerized equipment, _and no one notices him!?_ And it's not like people aren't looking for him! I mean, think about it! Not only did he kill seven people in less than two hours, but he also took the time to cut their heads off, dispose of the bodies, and bring the heads to this meeting place _**without anyone seeing him?!**_ Is every single police officer secretly on his pay roll or something? Because that's the only way that this could make sense."

"Well, after that display, all but one of the gang leaders agree to work for Stone-."

Keldeo sprayed himself in the face with water from his right forehoof. He put his hoof back down and said with an incredulous frown, "You're gonna try to _disobey_ _a serial killer with a knife and a machine gun_ that's only a few feet away from you?"

Keldeo sighed and said, "You know. . . It would be one thing of the guy was doing out of some kind of honor among thieves reason or an _'Even Evil Has Standards'_ reason or something. Like _'I only blackmail people, I'm not a wannabe Jigsaw like you, Stone! I'd rather die than work for you!'._ Sure, that would be kinda cool. But nope! The guy who tries to tell Stone off is just as evil as everyone else in the room! But he's somehow totally convinced he'll make it out of the room alive! Even if he does, he'd probably get his head cut off later that very night or put through some other insane torture."

Keldeo continued on with a deadpan expression on his face, "But you know what the truly ironic part about all this is? Stone isn't even the one who kills him! No, it's actually _his own men_ who turn on him to join Stone!"

* * *

 _"Hey, whatever debts you had with Williams are not my problem. I'm out of here. Come on boys," said Jackson to his men who didn't move a muscle. "I said let's go!"_

 _"You know Jackson, out of everyone here I figured you would be the most troublesome," said Damian, putting his gun down and smirked. "That's why I figured I'd go to Stephen and offer him the same deal. He was a lot smarter then you."_

 _Jackson's eyes widened as his men pulled their guns out and aimed at him._

 _A few shots in the chest later and he was down for good._

* * *

 _ **Kuni:**_ _"STUPID! You're so STU-PIIIIIIIIIIID!"_

* * *

 _Stone smiled in satisfaction. "Any other objections?" The rest of the bosses shook their head. "Great. I'll be sending you my requests soon. For now, have those heads as a gift. They are yours technically after all."_

 _He laughed before sighing and said, "It's good to be back."_

" **Begin Transmission,"** a loud, echoing voice said, it's quality suggesting that it was a prerecorded message, **"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Damian, but I'm afraid you are incorrect. You are not back, for you have never truly existed to begin with, although, you have indeed been observed."**

 _Damian Stone lifted his AK-47 and aimed it at the surrounding gang leaders. "Alright," he said with a malicious smirk, "Which one of you is the practical joke-."_

 _The weapon suddenly crumbled to dust in his hands, and Stone found himself at a loss for words._

" **It has been built just for you. A labyrinth of darkness and blood, torture and murder. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of the innocent around the next corner. The greatest of highs seems so near, just within your reach, but you will never obtain it. This is where your story ends."**

 _Damian had a bored expression on his face, and he looked towards the six remaining bosses, all of which hadn't moved from where they sat. "Alright," Stone said, and he pulled out his knife Shiva and, "Now, I am going to start killing you punks one by one. If you don't- THE HELL!?"_

 _Right before his eyes, every other person in the room, including his own bodyguards, crumbled down to dust without a sound._

 **"And to you, HavocHound, who somehow found this children's television show not intended for you, although there was always the Brony Fandom, I have a feeling that's not what you wanted. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This review may not be remembered, but the Nightmare Fuel of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the horror of every Dark Fic should."**

 _Damian swore as the lights cut out completely, plunging him into total darkness. He started walking forwards, saying out loud to himself, "I wanted to be fully sober for this, so I know I didn't take anything, so what the Hell is this!?"_

" **And to the PAW Patrol and their allies, trapped in these corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They were never bound to this realm to begin with. For all of you, I believe there is Humor and perhaps Romance waiting for you after the smoke clears."**

 _Damian raised Shiva high and shouted into the darkness, "Whoever's talking, I'll peel your skin of your-."_

 _Damian yet out a loud stream of curses as his knife turned white hot. He had to drop it, but his hand refused to let go. The knife melted down into molten metal, which then moved over his entire body, searing his flesh as it enrobed him. However, Damian Stone still remained defiant and cursed breathlessly as he endured the intense burning his body was receiving._

" **Although, for you, Damian Stone, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so say hello to Hunter J when you get there, evil one."**

 _The searing heat abruptly stopped, and dim light replaced the darkness. Damian looked around and saw that it was late at night, and that he was in the top floor of the PAW Patrol's Lookout, facing the elevator. Damian could also hear music playing from the control panel and monitor behind him._

" _I better get some answers. Now," Damian said darkly as he marched towards the elevator doors, ignoring the fact that the music, which happened to be the PAW Patrol theme song, had stopped._

 _Damian spent a minute trying to pry the doors open, when he heard something hit the floor behind him. He turned around just in time to see an animatronic pup let out a gut-wrenching roar as she pounced straight for his throat. He only had time to notice the seashell necklace the robotic chocolate Labrador pup was wearing right before her metallic fangs broke skin._

 _. . . . . . . . ._

 _ **Shelly:**_ _"I recognize you, but I'm not afraid of you. . . Not anymore."_

 _. . . . . . . . ._

" **Keldeo, I knew you would return as well. It's your duty as a Sword of Justice, and your nature for that matter, to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, during the review where you had no choice but to watch innocents die without any closure, no one allowed you to lift the victims up out of their pain the way the Swords of Justice have always lifted the downtrodden up. I should have known you wouldn't be content to walk away, not my Keldeo the Critic. I didn't help you then, so let me help you now. It's time to rest - for you, and for all the characters that you have come to care about.**

 **This ends for all of us.**

 **End transmission.''**

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

" _Psycho Killer"-_ Talking Heads

 _Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria Simulator_ by Scott Cawthon

 _Five Nights at Freddy's Ultimate Custom Night_ by Scott Cawthon

 _Monster Hunter World-_ Capcom

 _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012)_ \- Nickelodeon

 _Warframe_ by Digital Extremes

 _Redwall_ by Brain Jacques

 _Kung Fu Panda_

 _Dragon Ball_

 _Samurai Jack_

 _The Ring (2002)_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged_ by LittleKuriboh and CardGamesFTW

 _Kyurem vs. The Sword of Justice_

 _Saw (2014 - 2017)_

 _UHF (1989)_

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _TinyURL_

 _TV Tropes_

 _Wikipedia_


	43. E14: GBA Blue Edition- Living Tombstone

Damian Stone held down the button on the control panel, and he watched the screen as the PAW Patrol theme song rewound. As the music began to play again, Stone began checking the security cameras quickly. He stopped on the camera that showed garage below the Lookout, where he could see a Rubble animatronic lying in wait.

Stone immediately pressed the button that closed the hatch for the tube that connected the top of the Lookout to the garage. Just as he turned around, a Skye animatronic let out mechanical snarl as she flew up the slide and tore into him with a set of razor sharp claws.

. . . . . . .

 _ **Skye:**_ _"You won't get tired of_ _ **dying**_ _, will you?"_

. . . . . . .

* * *

 _ **KELDEO'S GOURGEIST FESTIVAL!**_

* * *

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season 5**

 **Editorial 14: Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition (Oney Plays) Creepypasta Song- The Living Tombstone**

Keldeo made an epic landing, and slowly raised his head with a wild look in his eyes. He was wearing fake bat wings, a shaggy, long red wig, and fake fangs. He looked just like a vampire fruit bad pony, like Flutterbat.

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said, "And no, I'm not gonna do the Dracula voice. Sorry. Anyway, The Living Tombstone is AWESOME! Sure, he's not as good as Meloetta, obviously, _I love her so much,_ but he's still AWESOME! He has a really distinctive voice that adds another layer of style to his songs. But, of course, most of the time he gets other people to sing while he does the music. But that's fine, because his musical style has got to be the _catchiest, most fun, most epic_ sounding style ever posted on YouTube. His music, combined with the lyrics being sung, draws you in and refuses to let go!"

Keldeo nodded and smiled, and he continued, "The Living Tombstone has made plenty of songs during his career. He started with My Little Pony songs, but then branched out to doing songs about the _Five Nights at Freddy's_ series and other similar horror games. But today, I'm gonna talk about a song based on a creepypasta written by Chris O'Neill (OneyPlays)."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "Now, before you complain about me trying to steal Kyurem the Critic's job, let me make a few things clear. One, Kyurem is on hiatus right now. Two, the creepypasta isn't Pokemon related. Three, _I'm not reviewing the creepypasta._ I'm reviewing _a song based_ _on_ the creepypasta. There's a difference. And four, it's _Gourgeist Festival Month!_ I should be allowed to branch out a bit during this time of year!"

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "So, with that settled, let us take a look at one of The Living Tombstone's greatest hits. Sung by YouTuber Rena, I give you _the Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition Creepypasta Song._ "

"We first get an ominous yet pretty sounding piano intro, and then launch right into the song."

* * *

 _It was years ago, as a fully grown boy, I, was jumping in the street and I_

 _Was clobbered by, a car into a window_

* * *

"Now," Keldeo began, "These two lines are actually _really_ important. Why?"

Keldeo smiled knowingly, his fake fangs sticking out as he did so, and he said, "Well, first of all, even though our main character is a boy, The Living Tombstone got a girl to sing the song. This creates a weird dissonance between the singer and the song, which makes it all the more creepy. But that's only one reason why these two opening lines are important. You'll see the other reasons later. Let's move on for now."

* * *

 _That was when I saw, a game boy advance, S-P-, blue edition,_

 _But my fa-mi-ly, can barely afford gold._

 _As I stared at him, into his eyes… he said, "Mom, mamaaa", as he held it in his tiny hands..._

 _I started running and I screamed, and, shoved him to the ground, took, that GBA from he..._

* * *

"Now, we all know that in creepypastas, the main character always goes through some kind of torture," Keldeo explained, "But, seeing as our main character assaulted a child and stole his property. . . well . . ."

Keldeo grinned widely and said, "This is gonna be fun to watch. . ."

* * *

 _Got inside, my house, with a big, smelly han-dle, snuck past all my parentals_

 _and then I blew my candle out._

 _As I pressed the boooton with my feenge, did not, know, what it'd, bring me..._

 _Or what, its all a-bout…_

 _And a little man appeared on screen, his, name was Mare-e-o, he sprints at fast speeds such as my own..._

 _Pressed another boooton and he jumped, I screamed when he disappeared, and, I feared, he wouldn't, come..._

* * *

"Now, you've probably noticed all the weird misspellings and random details, like the smelly handle," Keldeo pointed out, "This is actually from the original creepypasta. Oney Plays probably wrote it like this to make it seem like something a little kid would actually type up quickly and post on the internet somewhere. Now, The Living Tombstone could've fixed these, but nope! He made sure to leave them in the on-screen lyrics. He also had Rena sing so that you could hear the errors in the way she sang the words. Adding syllables and putting accent on the wrong ones. Why bother to do this in a song?"

Keldeo smiled knowingly and said, "It's all about the subtleties that songs can get across over music. For Oney Plays, it's a way of making something fake look real. For The Living Tombstone, it's a way of calling back to the first two lines."

* * *

 _It was years ago, as a fully grown boy, I, was jumping in the street and I_

 _Was clobbered by, a car into a window_

* * *

"By having misspelled lyrics and weird sounding singing, it's suggesting that getting hit by the car gave the main character brain damage," Keldeo explained, "It's kind of like how when Edgar Allen Poe wrote _The Tell Tale Heart,_ he hinted at the main character having some kind of mental illness that caused him to commit the crime he committed."

* * *

 _ **From The Tell-Tale Heart**_

 _True! -nervous -very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses -not destroyed -not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad?_

* * *

"The way The Living Tombstone selected lines from the creepypasta to put in his song also seems to focus on how the main character seems to think that he's a video game character! After turning the game on, he compares the way Mario runs to the way he runs. Again, we go back to the first two lines, where the character says he was _'jumping in the street.'_ "

Keldeo grinned and said,"Jumping like Mario jumps, perhaps?"

* * *

 _Just stay away, from my gameboy ad-vance, S, P, blue edition_

 _(You better back, away my friend)_

 _You can't take away, my gameboy ad-vance, S, P, blue edition_

 _(Not even from, my cold, dead hands)_

* * *

"This is something Tombstone added, and it fits really well. The idea that the character is now obsessed with the Gameboy he stole is a really creepy addition to the curse. You can just see him acting all paranoid and crazy, like Gollum," Keldeo said as shuddered a bit, but still smiled excitedly.

* * *

 _The screen turned black, it had turned into a big, hole, "Is this a hole I see, before me?"_

 _And it echoed like a hole…_

* * *

"Okay, that sounds cool," Keldeo said, "The idea that the screen of the Gameboy is so black that it turns into a hole that you can fall into. . . It seems like a metaphor for the character's entire situation."

* * *

 _There was mare-e-o, and his gra-phics were jumbled, realistic skin, pores_

 _and chapped, lips … and I tried, to change, it..._

* * *

Keldeo sighed in annoyance, and he said, "Yeah, yeah, the old creepypasta trope of the image on screen being hyper realistic. Moving on."

* * *

 _Then Mare-e-o he did not move, all, that he did was scream, and my skin turned rotten and green…_

 _I feared the worst, and so I, tossed, that, gameboy out the window, it came, back again..._

* * *

"Alright!" Keldeo said excitedly, standing up straight, "Here we have the curse, and it really does fit the crime! Mario is screaming at him like how he screamed at the kid he stole the Gameboy from, and his very being is being broken down, and simply getting rid of what he stole won't fix it."

Keldeo nodded with approval and said, "Now, the song really doesn't focus on the curse that much, but I don't mind it. You see, it portrays the main character as intelligent enough to understand that what he did was wrong and that he needs to do the right thing to fix this. So, that's what the next part of the song goes into."

* * *

 _I snuck inside of the little boys room, I wanted to tell him that I was wrong_

 _But when I turned the lights on, the room was full of people in black_

 _I said "who the flip are you people? Is that your boy there inside that box?"_

 _A priest said, "lower that box", then I sprinted towards the coffin_

* * *

"The idea of accidentally sneaking into a funereal inside of someone's house is just weirdly creepy!" Keldeo said, "Especially when you consider that the boy was being _buried underneath the house!_ "

* * *

 _I yelled to free me of this curse, then Mare-e-o appeared, but then gaussian blurred away_

 _Appeared again, said learned my les-son, clicked his mustache, then I woke, the next, day._

* * *

"Again, Tombstone knows what to include and what _not_ to include," Keldeo observed, "In the creepypasta, the main character shoves the Gameboy into the dead boy's mouth. It kinda makes the character seem like an even bigger dirt bag than before. The song paints a better picture of the main character leaning against the coffin and pleading to be free, begging for forgiveness. I like this better."

"So, whatever strange spirit that had taken the form of Mario decides to forgive the main character, and the curse is lifted. The end."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "It's not really a complex story. It's based off of a creepypasta after all. But Tombstone managed to take this story and turn it into a clever, catchy song that also managed to be creepy. Not horrifying to gut wrenching, but just creepy enough to play at a Halloween party or something. Hay, you could listen to it at any time and enjoy it! The piano is nice, the guitar during the chorus is epic, and the chanting Rena does is delightfully haunting. Another award-winning song from The Living Tombstone and his team."

Keldeo nodded and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic and. . . "

A mad gleam shown in his eyes as he chuckled darkly and said, "I have _three_ special invitation to send. Heh. . . heh. . .heh. . ."

* * *

Damian Stone had the elevator doors, the garage chute hatch, the slide hatch, and the ventilation shaft all closed as he quickly cycled through the security cameras. It was at that point when he noticed a power gauge on the bottom left corner of the screen, and it was at 1%. It then fell down to 0%, and literally everything turned off. The doors and hatches opened back up as well.

Stone turned around fast and looked into the darkness before him, trying to make something, anything out.

An animatronic Rocky roared demonically as he leapt out of the darkness right towards Stone's face.

. . . . . . .

 _ **Rocky:**_ _"Let me put you back together, then take you apart all over again."_

. . . . . . .

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Five Nights at Freddy's_ by Scott Cawthon

 _Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition (Oney Plays) Creepypasta Song- The Living Tombstone_ (TinyURL: ybkra5u4)

 _Rena_ (TinyURL: ycd6mdja)

 _Gameboy Advance SP Blue Edition_ by Oney Plays (TinyURL: yah4c98v)

 _Five Nights at Freddy's Ultimate Custom Night_ by Scott Cawthon

 _Zuma's Fear / Zuma's Courage_ by HavocHound

 _TV Tropes_

 _TinyURL_


	44. Cupcakes vs RainbowFactory vs Pattycakes

Damian Stone turned to check the security cameras to the Lookout, and he managed to spot a Chase animatronic coming up on the elevator. He quickly closed the video feed and hit the button to close the elevator doors.

Stone turned to see the elevator car arrive. The animatronic bumped against the closed doors, and the elevator promptly went back down. As Stone turned back to the control panel, the lights started flickering violently and a loud clawing sound echoed throughout the room.

A Zuma animatronic jumped out of the vent and let out a furious snarl as it lunged for Stone's face.

. . . . . .

 _ **Zuma:**_ _"I_ _ **always**_ _come back."_

. . . . . .

* * *

 _ **KELDEO'S GOURGEIST FESTIVAL!**_

* * *

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season 5**

 **Episode 15: Cupcakes vs Rainbow Factory vs Pattycakes**

There was a red stage curtain like that you would find in a theater, and it was closed. Out from behind the red curtain stepped a female Absol wearing a quartz crystal necklace.

"Hello there," she greeted politely, "I'm Krystal, Jayron's best friend. If you're a fan of Matthais Unidostres, you've probably read the fanfics I am featured in. Now, I am here today, standing in front of this red curtain, to inform you that Keldeo will be reviewing some really disturbing fanfics today. Now, these fanfics would probably be considered M-rated, and Keldeo normally has a strict _'No M-rated stories allowed policy.'_ But, seeing as it's _Gourgeist Festival Month,_ and due to the infamous nature of these stories, he will be making an exception just this once. That being said, Keldeo will not go into too much detail into these stories, and he won't have any full excerpts from them like he normally does. Therefore, the review itself should still be considered T-rated, and is thus safe enough for viewing."

Krystal then became slightly more serious and said, " _But,_ if you are the type that's easily frightened, and yet somehow have never heard about the three fanfics being reviewed today, _which I highly doubt,_ then feel free to skip this review if you're really _that_ squeamish."

Krystal then furrowed her brow and said, "One last this. _Please,_ whatever you do, _do not read the fanfics being reviewed today._ Keldeo is reviewing them so you don't have to! I know it seems weird for someone to ask you to _not_ check out something being reviewed for yourself in order to form your own opinions and stuff, but trust me on this. It's not worth it. These stories are so twisted and sick that they honestly don't even deserve to be read. Don't put yourself through such agony. Unfortunately, these stories are widely known, like it or not. That's why Keldeo is bothering to review them. They're simply so infamous that their plots, events, and aspects have gotten around the internet via typed word of digital mouth. In fact, the only one of these fanfics that Matthais and Keldeo have actually read all the way through is _Rainbow Factory._ The other two were only _partially_ read, and any missing information was gathered via quotes and comments from other sources, wikis, and the TV Tropes site. So please, do yourself a favor and just stick with this review."

Krystal then smiled and said, "Well then, my job is done. I can't wait to discuss costume ideas with Jayron!" She then exited back through the red curtains.

In a room in an undisclosed location, three ponies sat around a round table playing cards in the dim light.

First there was a pink earth pony with bouncy pink hair. What made her stand out was the fact that she wore a demented looking dress made up off patched of pony skin with Cutie Marks on them. She also had Pegasi wings sewn on the back of her dress, and a necklace of unicorn horns around her neck.

The second pony was a blue Pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane and tail. However, no one would know that from just looking at her, because she wore a blood red suit and a mask covering her face.

The third pony was a yellow Pegasus with light pink hair. She wore no strange outfit like the other two, but she did have a pacifier hanging from a pink ribbon around her neck.

"BORRRRRRRING!" Killer Pinkie groaned as she threw here cards down in a fold, "This isn't nearly as fun as sharpening knives."

"Gosh, you are so annoying," Factory Dash grumbled, "Seriously, I _wish_ you were a Pegasus. Then I could personally run you through the Pegasus Device myself!"

Dr. Fluttershy shook her head in disapproval and said, "You two are naughty little foals, both of you. Why don't you come on over to my house after this, and I can warm up some milk for the two of you."

"Shut it, you freak!" Factory Dash spat at Dr. Fluttershy, "I ain't eating or drinking _anything_ you had a hoof in making."

Killer Pinkie drummed her forehooves against the table top and said, "I hope the guy who invited us here shows up soon. I wanna get back and draw another number," she then smiled wickedly and said, "Cupcakes don't bake themselves, after all."

Factory Dash snorted and said, "You don't scare me. So what if you killed an alternate version of me. I've killed _thousands!_ "

"Oh, don't mind me," Dr. Fluttershy said timidly, "I just really like foals. . . and many would say that I dish out fates worse than death, but don't mind me."

Suddenly, the door to the room opened, bathing the room in light. A figure entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"Are you the guy who invited us here?" Killer Pinkie asked.

"Yep!" the figure said as he sat down at the table with the terrible trio, "I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it, so you don't have to!"

"Why did you call us here?" Factory Dash demanded shortly.

Keldeo smiled at the group and said, "To determine which of your fanfics is the scariest, of course!"

"DUHHH!" Killer Pinkie shouted, "Obviously it's mine! I'm the first! I'm the original! I'm-."

"A stupid meme," Factory Dash interrupted, then she smirked cruelly and said, "But me? I'm a freakin' legend! I'm a mass murderer who-."

"I'm the smartest one here," Dr. Fluttershy interrupted smugly, still with a cute smile, "You have to be smart to pull off horror correctly. Mindless brutes with bloodlust are a dime a dozen, but-."

Factory Dash glared at Dr. Fluttershy and said, "Interrupt me again, an there's gonna be a pink and yellow rainbow in the sky!"

"Aww, don't fight you girls," Killer Pinkie said in sing-song voice, "You need to relax with some nice delicious cup-."

Keldeo banged his right forehoof on the table hard and shouted, "HEY! Alright, already! That's enough! I'm the one who invited you guys here, so how about you let _me_ organize this discussion, okay?"

Factory Dash settled back down and said, "Huh! Whatever. I know I'm gonna win."

Killer Pinkie smiled widely and said, "We'll see about that, Dashie!"

Dr. Flutterhsy just smiled and nodded.

"Okay then," Keldeo said, satisfied that things were more or less under control, "So, let's start with an overview of these three very infamous stories from the Brony fandom. First, we have _Cupcakes_ by Sergeant Sprinkles. In this story, Pinkie Pie has Rainbow Dash captured in the basement, and reveals that she's actually a serial killer who kidnaps ponies, cuts them open and take out their organs while they're still alive, and bakes them into cupcakes to feed to unaware ponies."

"YUMMY!" Killer Pinkie shouted excitedly.

Keldeo shuddered in disgust and said, "Ugh. . . so gross. . . umm. . ."

Keldeo shook off his disgust and continued, "Next, we have _Rainbow Factory_ by AuroraDawn. In this story, after failing her flying test, Scootaloo is taken to Cloudsdale's rainbow factory, which turns out to be a Nazi-style death camp. It's revealed that Pegasi who can't fly well enough are tossed in a giant meat grinder called the Pegasus Device, which somehow extracts a substance called Spectra from their bodies, which is then used to make rainbows. Even worse, it turns out Rainbow Dash is in charge of the whole operation. Scootaloo tries to escape, but is sadly recaptured by the workers."

Factory Dash smiled and said, "I _do_ have beautiful eyes, don't I?"

"Go to Hell," Keldeo said in tone that was uncharacteristically hateful for him.

Factory Dash actually felt a cold shiver inside as her eyes met Keldeo's loathing filled gaze, and she had to avert her eyes.

Keldeo cleared his throat, and he continued, "And last we have _Pattycakes_ by Pegacorn Ondacob. In this story, it's revealed that Fluttershy is a kind of mad scientist who wants to give adult ponies the minds of infants. She captures Rainbow Dash and uses psychological torture to break her mind, turning her into a baby. In the sequel, _Pattycakes 2,_ Scootaloo investigates Fluttershy's cottage, only to be pulled into a sick game where it's revealed that Fluttershy is also kind of a mad scientist who has created a potion called Foalmula that can give anyone the mind of a baby. Fluttershy manages to convince Scootaloo to give Rainbow Dash the potion, and it ends with Scootaloo having to make a choice that results in her either becoming Fluttershy's assistant or drinking the Foalmula herself. Yes, the sequel actually has a _'choose your own adventure'_ kind of ending, where you have to pick between two possible endings. It seems unnecessary, but it's there."

Dr. Fluttershy let out a sigh of contentment and said, "Ah, Scootaloo. What a darling little filly!"

Keldeo gave Dr. Fluttershy and odd look, then he said, "Now, I consider _Pattycakes_ and _Pattycakes 2_ to be one cohesive story in terms of style and tone, so I'm reviewing them together. There's also a prequel called _Pattycakes 0,_ but it's so far removed that I'm not gonna bother covering it. _Rainbow Factory_ also had a sequel called _Pegasus Device,_ but it takes place long after the events of the first story, and it's a multi-chapter adventure story, so I'm not gonna bother with that one either."

Keldeo nodded affirmatively and said, "Okay, now, to determine which one of these stories is the scariest, I'm gonna score the based on four categories: _concept, character, content,_ and _takeaway._ Takeaway is actually worth as much as all the other three categories combined, because a story that can create fear that stays with you long after you've read it is the true goal of anyone who writes any type of horror stories. So, let's not keep our three evil doers waiting any longer! Let's compare these stories!"

* * *

 _ **ROUND 1: Concept**_

* * *

"The concept of _Cupcakes_ is very frightening indeed," Keldeo said, "A serial killer is bad enough, but a serial killer who cuts you open while you're still alive and feeds your remains to other people is psychotic!"

"Yippee! See! I told you all I'd win this easily!" Killer Pinkie said gleefully.

"Too bad it's been done before," Keldeo remarked casually.

"Yeah! I- wait, what?" she asked in confusion.

"When you get down to it, _Cupcakes_ is really just a Sweeney Todd rip off," Keldeo said.

"It is NOT!" she argued.

"Sure it is," Keldeo said, and he explained, "Sweeney Todd was the villain of the Victorian penny dreadful serial _The String of Pearls,_ written between 1846–1847 by James Malcolm Rymer and Thomas Peckett Prest. The story later became a stage musical, and then a movie in 2007 called _Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street,_ which was directed by Tim Burton. Also, Sweeney Todd was played by Johnny Depp. Clearly this film got the right men for the right jobs. Anyway, in all versions of the story, Sweeney Todd is a barber who occasionally murders his customers while shaving them. He uses a rigged barber's chair to drop them down a trap door into his basement. His partner in crime, Mrs. Lovett, uses a secret tunnel to take the bodies and makes meat pies out of them, which she then sells to the unknowing public. _Sound familiar?_ "

Killer Pinkie's eyes darted left and right nervously, "Ummmmmmmmmm."

"So while this concept is quite terrifying," Keldeo went on, "The fact that we've seen it before kinda diminishes it's impact."

Factory Dash let out a maniacal laugh and she said, "You pathetic failure! You're _nothing_ compared to me! I brought something brand new to the Brony fandom! Something original!"

"Biscuits! How delusional can you be?!" Keldeo shouted angrily at the pegasus.

"What?" she questioned.

"I used the words _'Nazi-style'_ when summarizing your story! _Of course_ you're not original!" Keldeo shouted.

"Well-," she began, only to be interrupted by Keldeo.

"The story itself isn't even original! AuroraDawn actually got the idea from the SONG _Rainbow Factory_ written by Brony musician WoodenToaster."

* * *

 _Now a rainbow's tale isn't quite as nice  
As the story we knew of sugar and spice  
But a rainbow's easy once you get to know it  
With the help of the magic of the Pegasus Device_

 _Let's delve deeper into rainbow philosophy  
Far beyond that of Cloudsdale's mythology  
It's easy to misjudge that floating city  
With it's alluring decor and social psychology  
But with all great things comes a great responsibility  
That of Cloudsdale's being weather stability  
How, do you ask, are they up to the task  
To which the answer is in a simple facility_

 _In the Rainbow Factory, where your fears and horrors come true  
In the Rainbow Factory, where not a single soul gets through_

* * *

"The rainbows not being nice, the Pegasus Device, the social psychology, the fears and horrors, the souls not getting through; it was used by AuroraDawn to make this story! She even copy and pastes lines from the song in between scenes!" Keldeo went on, "If anything, WoodenToaster should be credited as co-author!"

"So what?" she shot back, "My death toll is astronomical!"

"But it's not _scary_ ," Keldeo argued back, "First of all, the Third Reich failed _spectacularly_! Hitler killed himself! The Nazis paid dearly for the Holocaust. Second, since _Rainbow Factory_ is based on real events that hurt millions of people, it doesn't make us scared, it makes us _angry!_ Why do you think I told you to go to Hell earlier? Sure, genocide and eugenics are horrible things that are quite frightening, but more often than not, you'll be too focused on your desire to tear apart anyone who agrees with or carries out these atrocities to be scared!"

Before Factory Dash could reply, Keldeo fired a Focus Blast at her, which struck her right in the chest and blasted her into the wall behind her.

As Killer Pinkie laughed uproariously, Keldeo turned to Dr. Fluttershy and said, "Now, _Pattycakes_ manages to be both frightening _and_ original. Mostly because she doesn't kill anyone. She does something much worse: psychological torture."

Keldeo shuddered with fear, "Oh man, this is kinda hard for me to think about, let alone _talk_ about. Anyway, the idea of being psychologically tortured to the point that your mind breaks and reverts to an infantile state is _very_ unsettling. Now, while _Pattycakes 2_ rips off of the _Saw_ movies, and even features a weird parody of _Want You Gone_ from _Portal 2_ in it's 'good' ending, and the title is clearly a reference to _Cupckaes,_ I still think the concept is both original and frightening enough to win the first round."

"Yay," Dr. Fluttershy said.

* * *

 _ **Concept WINNER:**_ _Pattycakes_

* * *

Factory Dash crawled back to her chair and got back into it. "When I get out of here and get back to work, I'm gonna have to give the next batch of failures some extra torment before they're processed in order to work off the aggravation I'm feeling," she said angrily.

"I don't care," Keldeo said coldly.

* * *

 _ **ROUND 2: Character**_

* * *

" _Cupcakes_ features Pinkie Pie as our villain," Keldeo said, "Now, one misconception a lot of people make about _Cupcakes_ is that Pinkie is in her straight haired Pinkameena form during it, as seen in the Season 1 episode _Party of One._ However, this is completely false. Not only is Pinkie's hair just as bouncy as ever, she is just as cheerful as she always is. Pinkie is, in a way, semi- _in character_ in this story. This adds to the disturbing factor of the fanfic, as seeing Pinkie being so bright and happy and bubbly while cutting one of her best friends open is very unsettling."

Killer Pinkie smiled proudly and leaned back on her chair as she said with half-lidded eyes, "Admit it. I'm good, aren't I?"

"Too bad Pinkie's character is what brings this story down," Keldeo remarked.

She sat up straight and asked, "What do you mean? I'm the scariest thing in the Brony fandom!"

Keldeo gave her an annoyed look, and then he turned to looked at Factory Dash and Flutter Foals and asked them, "Do you two wanna tell her, or should I?"

"Who cares?" Factory Dash spat contemptuously.

"I think it would be nicer if we _all_ told her," Dr. Fluttershy offered.

Killer Pinkie looked at everyone else at the table and said, "What? Tell me what?"

" _YOU'RE PINKIE PIE!"_ the other three told her.

Killer Pinkie stared back at them in confusion.

Keldeo shrugged in an exaggerated manner and said, "No matter what you do, you're still gonna be a little bit funny! Seriously, one of the most quoted lines from _Cupcakes_ is a joke that you tell!"

" _Why do they call it a hacksaw? You don't hack with it. That's what I was doing with the knife!"_

"But what about the scene where I used Dashie's stomach like bagpipes? That's scary, isn't it?" she said.

Keldeo swallowed hard, and he said miserably, "Ugh. Well. . . I don't know. I'd say it's more gross than scary. And when you take the episode _Yakkity Sax_ into account. . ." Keldeo let a small smile slip through in spite of himself, "It. . . actually _is_ a little bit funny."

"I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!" she exclaimed, "Rainbow thinks I'm scary, right Dashie?"

Factory Dash grabbed her by the mane and slammed her forehead down onto the table hard. This left here dazed, and then Factory Dash turned to Keldeo and said, "Alright, she's lost this round. Now go ahead and give the point to me already."

"Are you kidding?" Keldeo asked in disbelief, "You aren't scary at all."

"Seriously?!" she shouted in disbelief.

"First of all, you're barely even in the story," Keldeo complained, "You only show up late in the second half, and you're wearing a pointless mask at first. Seriously, why were you wearing a mask?"

 _ **Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged Paradox:**_ _"It makes my chawactew design look intewesting, what do you want fwom me?"_

"Speaking of which," Keldeo said, and he fired Hydro Pump out of his right forehoof, blasting her right in his face. The force of the water was just enough to rip the mask off of her face.

She spat out water and glared at Keldeo before saying, "Hey! Who do you think you are?"

Keldeo ignored her and continued, "Second of all, you're easily overshadowed both by the evil flight instructor who swears more than the Angry Video Game Nerd and the Nostalgia Critic _combined_ , and Dr. Atmosphere."

"Dr. Atmosphere is _not_ scarier than me!" she argued.

"Uh, no. He definitely is," Keldeo replied calmly, "When Dr. Atmosphere greets the doomed Pegasi when they enter the rainbow factory, he's smiling and happy, gleefully at the fact that _every single_ _ **child**_ _in front of him is gonna be_ _ **murdered**_ _._ To him, genocide is the job he loves. It's sick, it's twisted, and it's scary. Also, the fact that we know nothing about his backstory or how he got the job, and that mystery makes him even more scary."

"But what about me?" Factory Dash demanded.

"You act like a villain from a Saturday morning cartoon!" Keldeo exclaimed, "Seriously, I've seen _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ villains with more dignity than you! I mean, first you come in wearing a pointless evil mask just so we can have this dramatic reveal that blows Scootaloo's mind. Then, while you're explaining how the young Pegasi are all gonna be killed to make rainbows, you start laughing like a mad scientist or something. Really? _Really?_ You act like you're from the 80's or something! Not even Fluttershy did that, and she actually _was_ a mad scientist! It doesn't even make any sense! You've been doing this for years now, why are you laughing like a maniac here? Do you do that every time?"

Factory Dash smiled sheepishly and blushed a bit. "Well. . . I. . ." she said nervously.

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Oh, biscuits, you are so. . ." Keldeo put his hoof back down and continued, "You know what _would_ have made you scary? If you had been all solemn and serious when you were addressing the doomed crowd, and then when you took off the mask your face was all determined looking and your eyes were resolute to show that you were devoted to running the rainbow factory and were loyal to this sick practice of eugenics. _No maniacal laughing!_ Instead, you simply crack a sinister smile whenever a Pegasus is killed in the device. This would have fit in with your character better and made more sense. We'd be able to make the connections with the original Rainbow Dash, which would have made the situation all the more chilling. Instead, we got a mustache twirling, card carrying villain that seems more like a stupid joke. You know what you're like? You're-."

Keldeo stopped in mid-sentence, and he frowned and shook his head. "No, no, no. I can't make the comparison. I can't. It's too stupid to make. . ."

"What comparison?" Factory Dash asked in a harsh, demanding tone.

"But it's true! It's so true!" Keldeo exclaimed.

Killer Pinkie suddenly snapped out of her daze and said excitedly, "Ooh! Are you gonna play the scene from _Secrets and Pies_? I LOVE that scene!" (TinyURL: y7qpq5ao)

"Don't you dare!" Factory Dash shouted.

* * *

 _ **Evil Rainbow Dash:**_ _"And now I will destroy Pinkie Pie's horrid abominations, freeing the land of these disgusting pies forever!"_

 _ **Pinkie Pie:**_ _"Nooooooo!"_

 _Evil Rainbow Dash shot red lazer beams out of her eyes, blasting arts filled with of pies_

* * *

Keldeo couldn't contain his hysterical laughter, and Killer Pinkie joined in as well.

"Stop that! STOP THAT!" Factory Dash demanded in vain.

* * *

 _ **Evil Rainbow Dash:**_ _"Good riddance, strawberry cream and peaches 'o plenty! Begone, apple crumble and lemon surprise!"_

* * *

Killer Pinkie pointed at Factory Dash and laughed, "WA-HA! WA-HA! WA-HA! WA-HA!"

* * *

 _Evil Rainbow Dash used her lazer eyes to blow up the rest of the pies._

 _ **Evil Rainbow Dash:**_ _"Gone! Gone! Gone!"_

 _She let out a maniacal laugh as thunder and lightning boomed and flashed dramatically._

* * *

Dr. Fluttershy just chuckled lightly a bit and said, "Oh. . . that was . . . that was great."

Keldeo got over his bout of laughter, then he cleared his throat and said, "Okay, we've had our fun. Now, let's move on to something _really_ scary."

Dr. Fluttershy blushed and smiled as she pointed to herself, "Oh. . . me?"

Keldeo nodded gravely and said, "Yes, you. The sweet and patient way you broke Rainbow Dash's mind and guided Scootaloo through your sick game conveys how twisted you really are. Throughout your stories, you are _entirely_ dedicated to your psychological torment and show no remorse or regret at all. You make the reader feel uncomfortable in the most unsettling of ways. Out of all the ponies here, you are the best at filling others with fear."

"Aww! Thank you!" she said sweetly.

* * *

 _ **Character WINNER:**_ _Pattycakes_

* * *

Killer Pinkie huffed and said, "What's so great about pattycakes? You can't eat them! Now cupcakes-."

"Shut-up," Factory Dash demanded.

* * *

 _ **ROUND 3: Content**_

* * *

"Now, of course, we have to talk about the content of the stories," Keldeo said, "That is, what exactly do we see in these stories and how are the events portrayed to us. _Cupcakes_ is pretty straight forward: it's just a bunch of freaky descriptions of Rainbow Dash's organs being removed."

"Yes siree!" Killer Pinkie said cheerfully.

"So it fails," Keldeo said flatly.

"Why?" Pinkie asked in dismay.

Keldeo sighed and said, "You know how people say that jumpscares in TV, movies, and video games shouldn't be considered horror? That's because the more times you see it, the less scary it becomes. You know what the thing looks like, so you aren't as afraid when you see it again. I used to be really scared of playing the _Five Nights at Freddy's_ games. But when _Pizzeria Simulator_ and _Ultimate Custom Night_ came out, I finally decided to start playing. It wasn't long before I found myself getting _annoyed_ with every jumpscare instead of being frightened. Something similar can be applied to the blood and guts in _Cupcakes._ People already complain about blood being an overused trope in creepypastas, and to be honest, describing someone being cut open isn't scary, it's _disgusting._ Disgusting does NOT equal scary. Sure, I'd _never_ want to read something like that and I'd avoid it all costs, seriously, _NO ONE EVER READ CUPCKAES_ _ **EVER!**_ _,_ but it's out of disgust rather than fear."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said sternly, "Now, let me be clear about this; if it were an animated video or a series of images of Rainbow Dash being cut open; that would be sick, twisted, and horrible to see. But this is a _written_ story, it's just words. That means it's only as horrible as the reader imagines it to be, and since we're starting out with a pair of colorful cartoon ponies, just reading a story that says _'Pinkie ripped Rainbow's liver out'_ is pretty disturbing, sure, but the chances of the reader's imagination fully realizing the gruesome image to its full potential is really slim. It's like Sergeant Sprinkles wanted to take a short cut in making a horror story, but only succeeded in making something really gross."

Killer Pinkie became serious for the first time in the review and said, "Your number is gonna come up _soon._ "

"Okay, okay, now, come on, Keldeo! I gotta win this one!" Factory Dash said.

Keldeo frowned and said, "Well, first of all, AuroraDawn put _herself_ in the story as the one who plays a major role in Scootaloo's attempted escape. Self-Inserts are hard to pull off, and in this story, it really seems to be in poor taste. It was kind of an unwinnable situation too. If Aurora survived, it would look like she's saying how awesome she is. In the story, she dies trying to help Scootaloo, so now it looks like she's presenting herself to be some kind of holy martyr."

"Forget her! What about the scary stuff!?" she pressed.

"The opening scene with the flying tests is totally ruined by the flight instructor," Keldeo said bitterly, "It just looked so _stupid_ the way he constantly swears in nearly every single sentence! It doesn't make him look evil, it makes him look like an idiot! And the swears are so jarring that it takes you out of the story. And I already brought up how all your stupid evil laughter kills the scene."

"What about the part where that piece of trash failure Scootaloo tries to escape and fails _again_!" Factory Dash said, her face rapidly switching between wicked glee and anger.

Keldeo suddenly leapt forward and tackled her to the ground. He struck her across the face with his right forehoof twice, and then turned to stomp back over to his place. Keldeo then proceeded to act like nothing had happened as he continued his analysis.

"That _is_ an exciting scene," Keldeo said as Factory Dash got back up slowly, "But that's the problem. It's _exciting,_ not scary. Seeing Scootaloo use the format of the flying test to navigate through the factory is pretty cool. We're all on the edge of our seats as Scootaloo tries to get to the exit, we're about the cheer for her triumph, only to discover that she's gone in a circle and is now doomed. It's sad and tragic, but not really _scary_."

"Does that mean I win this round too?" Dr. Fluttershy asked bashfully.

"You sure do," Keldeo said, "In your story, normal everyday objects that you'd find in a baby's room become instruments of torture you use on Rainbow Dash. Every second of the story is filled with psychological horror. And even though _Pattycakes 2_ is a _Saw_ rip-off, it is still a very creepy adventure for Scootaloo to try and get through. The subplot of Rainbow Dash being a horrible sister to Scootaloo and how that influences the actions of Scootaloo and Fluttershy is also a nice touch that makes the characters seem more real and dynamic. This is important because when character feel real, they can more easily make us feel emotions for them, like fear. Rainbow didn't feel real in _Rainbow Factory,_ so that took away some of the horror. _Pattycakes,_ on the other hoof, got it right."

* * *

 _ **Content WINNER:**_ _Pattycakes_

* * *

"But don't you two sociopaths worry!" Keldeo said to Killer Pinkie and Factory Dash, "Either of you can still tie for first, because as I said earlier, this last category is worth 3 points! Takeaway!"

* * *

 _ **ROUND 4: Takeaway**_

* * *

"If a story can leave you feeling disturbed, unsettled, and in desperate need of Sweet Dreams Fuel long after you've finished reading it, then it truly did succeed," Keldeo said, "And, if I'm honest, _Cupcakes_ kinda fails at that."

" _Hmph!_ And why is that, bakery-hater?" Killer Pinkie asked huffily.

" _Cupcakes_ is so insane and overboard with blood and guts that it just seems kinda random and pointless," Keldeo said, "We'd never believe that Pinkie Pie would do this, at least not in the happy and peppy state she's in during the story, so it's kinda hard to have any fear once you've stopped reading and walked away from it. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. There's a guy on DeviantArt called Musapan who made a series of comics called _The Mane 6 Reads Cupcakes._ (TinyURL: yb899yot)In the second to last comic, Rainbow Dash reads it, and she ends up bursting out in laughter at it. When Pinkie Pie asks her how she could possibly laugh at it, Dash replies with this:"

* * *

" _C'mon, Pinkie, it's just so ridiculous. Like you would ever hurt me! We're friends, and friends don't do that kind of stuff."_

* * *

"And that's why Sergeant Sprinkles is by no means a master of horror," Keldeo explained, "He's just a random idiot on the internet who thought it would be funny if Pinkie Pie was a serial killer."

" _I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE_ _ **FUNNY!**_ " Killer Pinkie shrieked.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Factory Dash said impatiently, "Look, I _know_ that I've got this round in the bag, so-."

"Nope," Keldeo said quickly.

Enraged, Factory Dash got up out of her chair and shouted, "ARE YOU-?"

There was a flash of light, and Keldeo was standing up in his Resolute Form with the tip of his Secret Sword at Factory Dash's throat.

"The time for you to talk is _over,_ you pathetic cowardly butcher," Keldeo said in a fierce tone, "Being a serial killer is bad enough, but carrying out _genocide?_ That's among the most perfectly ultimate of all evils. Now, you are gonna shut-up and sit there quietly, or I will go ahead and use my authority as a Sword of Justice to carry out the capital punishment you deserve _right now._ "

Finally at a loss for words, Factory Dash swallowed the lump in his throat and kept her mouth shut. Keldeo dispelled his Secret Sword and returned to his normal form, and he and Factory Dash both sat down calmly.

"First of all," Keldeo began, " _Rainbow Factory_ faces the same problem as _Cupcakes._ Just as Pinkie Pie would never hurt Rainbow Dash, we also know that Rainbow Dash would never hurt Scootaloo. In fact, one could argue that this problem has gotten worse with age. At the time it was written, Dash appreciated Scootaloo as her number one fan. Then, as of the Season 3 episode _Sleepless in Ponyville,_ Dash officially took Scootaloo under her wing as her little sister. Besides that, Rainbow Dash as a Nazi is. . . hmmm. . . how would the _real_ Rainbow Dash describe it?"

 _ **Rainbow Dash:**_ _"Is this some kind of cruel joke?"_

"But then you might think that the idea of Pegasi Nazis ruling Cloudsdale would be disturbing in of itself. . . . until you _actually_ think about it," Keldeo said, and he gained a deadpanned expression and said, "Seriously, think about that for a moment. Really think about it. _Nazis_ in _My Little Pony_. . . _**Nazis in My Little Pony**_. . . . . . . _THAT'S JUST STUPID!_ "

Keldeo breathed in and out after his exclamation, and then he shrugged and said, "And then when you realize that this story is more swearing, yelling, ranting, action, and adventure than _actual scary stuff_ , it probably won't be giving you any nightmares any time soon."

Dr. Fluttershy had a happy look on her face and she asked, "Does that mean I win?"

Keldeo didn't smile at her, but he nodded to her all the same and said, "Yes, Fluttershy. You win. While the other two stories focus on torture and death, _Pattycakes_ presents a fate _worse_ than death. A fate where your very _mind_ , everything that you are, the results of all your experiences and accomplishments, is wiped away clean. You're left as a defenseless creature that can't even use the bathroom by itself. You're forced to be dependent on the very monster that made you this way; the smiling sociopath that kills your soul with kindness: Fluttershy. Add in the way she breaks Rainbow Dash's mind, and the disturbing manner in which she does it, and you have a horrifying experience that will stay with you for a long time to come."

* * *

 _ **Takeaway WINNER:**_ _Pattycakes_

* * *

"So, by a landslide, the winner is _Pattycakes_ by Pegacorn Ondacob. Clearly this is a story not meant for the faint of heart," Keldeo said gravely.

* * *

 _ **Overall WINNER:** Pattycakes_

* * *

"WOOO! I DID IT! I DID IT! WOOO! YEAH!" Dr. Fluttershy cheered as she suddenly began jumping up and down in excitement.

Killer Pinkie huffed and said, "I hate all of you."

Factory Dash still kept silent, but she was visibly scowling.

Keldeo smiled with delight and said, "Okay then. Do you know what your prize is?"

Dr. Fluttershy gasped and said excitedly, "Oh my, I've won something too? What is it?"

Keldeo grinned widely and said, "Since you won, you get the honor of having _your_ method be the one used to dispose of you all!

Keldeo then quickly turned and galloped to the door as it swung open. The moment he was through, it slammed closed and sealed itself shut.

Dr. Fluttershy blinked her eyes in confusion and said softly, "What?"

Immediately after that, Foalmula gas began to quickly fill up the room.

 _ **"NO!"**_ Dr. Fluttershy shrieked in horror as she tried in vain to cover her face with her hooves.

Snarling with rage again, Factory Dash shouted, "YOU EMBICILE! YOU INSANE-!" Her ranting stopped abruptly as her eyes went wide, and she began babbling unintelligibly.

Killer Pinkie clapped her hooves together and stated giggling.

Dr. Fluttershy looked at the two infantile minded adults, and then proceeded to wet herself, fall to the floor, and cry loudly.

Then, one of Hoopa's ring portals appeared, and Dr. Atmosphere fell through and into the room. He raised his head and took a few deep breaths, and then started crying along with Dr. Fluttershy as he flailed his legs in a tantrum that would put any normal toddler to shame.

Outside, Keldeo stood next to Hoopa as he stared at the door for a bit.

"You know, I'm glad it ended this way," Keldeo said, "I might have threatened Dash in there, but I still really hate bloodshed." Keldeo then frowned solemnly and said, "It's not like it matters how they die anyway. It's what happens to them _after_ they die that'll really matter."

"Keldeo no threaten to kill Dash in there?" Hoopa asked with an innocent look on his face.

Keldeo blinked his eyes, and they widened nervously for a moment, but then he shrugged and said, "She was a _Nazi_. It's-."

"Keldeo no help kill Hunter J lady in _Keldeo and the Swords of Justice- Season Two_?" Hoopa asked, still with that innocent look on his face.

Keldeo glared at Hoopa impatiently and said, "Can you please hurry up and ring them back to their worlds so the proper authorities can take them into custody?"

Hoopa nodded and said, "Keldeo gave Hoopa lots of donuts, so okay!"

"Don't forget to send those documents along with them, the ones exposing their crimes," Keldeo added.

"Hoopa's got it! Leave it to Hoopa!" he said with a smile.

Keldeo nodded, and he said with the same solemn seriousness from before, "I might not be able to change the pasts of those worlds, or undo the evil that has been done to them, but I can at the very least give them brighter futures through the power of truth."

Keldeo stood firmly for a long moment, then he smiled and said, "Well, glad that's over! Next time I've got something I've been wanting to review for a long time! Oh man, I'm so excited! This is gonna be awesome! I can't wait!"

* * *

Damian Stone was rewinding the PAW Patrol theme song when all of a sudden, Alex Porter appeared onscreen.

 _"Uh-oh! How unfortunate! Uh-oh! How unfortunate!"_ Alex sang, _"I know how much you like to fight, so I'll add a new problem to your night!"_

Alex disappeared from the screen, and the camera was immediately obstructed by animatronic versions of Mayor Humdinger's Kitten Catastrophe Crew. As Damian rapidly switched the video feed in an attempt to get rid of the kittens, a Chase animatronic entered the room pounced at Stone with the shock gauntlets on his paws at the ready. As Stone turned around, Chase's electrified paws made contact with his face.

. . . . . .

 _ **Chase:**_ _"This is how it feels, and now you get to experience it over, and over, and over again. . . forever. . . I will_ _ **never**_ _let you leave._

. . . . . .

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Nostalgia Critic: It (2017)_

 _Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)_

 _Rainbow Factory_ by WoodenToaster (TinyURL: 849dhh8)

 _MLP:FiM – S8:Ep18 - Yakkity Sax_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged Bonds Beyond Time_ by LittleKuriboh and CardGamesFTW

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Secret of NIMH 2_

 _MLP:FiM- S7:Ep23 - Secrets and Pies_

 _Evil Rainbow Dash Destroys Pinkie's Pies (Secrets and Pies)_ (TinyURL: y7qpq5ao)

 _Rainbow Dash Reads Cupcakes Pt. 2_ by Musapan (TinyURL: yb899yot)

 _Hoopa and the Clash of Ages_

 _Five Nights at Freddy's Ultimate Custom Night_

 _Freddy Fazbear Pizzeria Simulator_


	45. E15: Something Broke- TarbyRocks

Damian Stone saw the Chase animatronic coming up the elevator, and he quickly closed the doors. As he turned around to check, Stone noticed a Rubble animatronic sitting quietly to the left of the elevator. He stared at it for a moment, until he realized that the PAW Patrol theme song had ended. Stone quickly turned to the control panel to rewind the song. Once he was done, he turned, he turned around to check the Rubble animatronic. In the very next second, it pounced while letting out a guttural snarl.

. . . . . . . .

 _ **Rubble:**_ _"What a fine day, to come here and say, that your face and flesh I must flay!"_

. . . . . . . .

* * *

 _ **KELDEO'S GOURGEIST FESTIVAL!**_

* * *

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season 5**

 **Editorial 15:** _ **Something Broke: The Continuing Tale Of Pinkie Pie and Ponycide**_ **by TarbyRocks**

 **Thumbnail- TinyURL : ****yc3vomyu**

"YEEAAAAAAAH!" Keldeo said as he stood wearing a long, curly, orange wig over his hair, as well as a slightly curled and forked fake red horn over his real one. He also wore a patch of blue scales on his back, as well as a long fake tail that resembled a lion. All in all, he looked just like a kirin **(1).**

"I am so excited!" Keldeo said gleefully, "You know why? Because today I am gonna be talking about a _masterpiece_ of horror! Something that not only managed to be scary, but _epic_ and _awesome_ as well! Yeah, we're talking about the incredible rock opera _Something Broke: The Continuing Tale Of Pinkie Pie and Ponycide_ by Brony musician TarbyRocks!"

Keldeo calmed down a bit, and he said, "Now, I know that last time I said that _Cupcakes_ by Sergeant Sprinkles was _really_ overrated, but TarbyRocks managed to take that story and turn it into a deeper, richer tale while also combining it with some truly incredible music. People have called this the My Little Pony version of Pink Floyd's _The Wall_ or _Sweeney Todd_ the musical. And I must admit, they're right to say that! This is the _perfect_ song to play at a Gourgeist Festival party, or a Nightmare night party, _or_ a Halloween party!"

Keldeo smiled widely and said, "And now, to guide us along in this analysis, our very own Floyd the Pichu will be performing this song for us, right here, right now!"

Floyd came out with his guitar, and he nodded seriously and said, "I finally get to contribute something. Thank Arceus, I've been waiting for this. Anytime you're ready Keldeo."

Keldeo nodded, "Ooh, I've been ready a month ago! So, let's jump right into this Halloween awesomeness! This is _Something Broke!_ "

Floyd got ready to play, but then Keldeo suddenly held his left forehoof up and said, "Wait! Before we begin, let's check out the prompt that started it all!"

* * *

 _The prompt:  
What you don't know can't hurt you.  
Oh wait, yes it can. Or maybe worse?  
Secrets, lies, or just something you haven't learned/discovered yet.  
This week's theme is: How a pony reacts to the unknown.  
(or a lie or secret, etc.)_

 _So what do I do?_

 _Cupcakes, that's what. With a twist._

* * *

Keldeo put his hoof back down and smiled with approval. He nodded and said, "It's nice how Tarby shared with us how he came up with the idea for this little rock opera of his. This theme is very well shown in this story."

"Ahem!" Floyd said loudly.

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Okay, Floyd. You can start now."

 _ **(You can listen along by going here:**_ **TinyURL:** **y7bp3mf8** _ **where Tarby uploaded his song on SoundCloud so people can listen to it for FREE!)**_

Floyd nodded, and he began strumming his guitar.

Keldeo's eyes got wide with excitement, and he said, "Okay, it begins with this long, droning kind of music that makes you anticipate something creepy. Then, to add to the creepiness, a creepy vocoder voice starts speaking."

* * *

 _(Vocoder)  
Here's a story for your to hear  
Of pony pain, and utter fear  
Happiness is absent here_

* * *

Keldeo shudder a bit, and he said, "It acts as a kind of warning to anyone who might want to listen to this. Just because it's _My Little Pony_ related doesn't mean it's all cute and nice. It also reminds me of what Dante's _Inferno_ says is written on the gates of Hell. You know, _'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.'_ Like that. Anyway, we then get an emotionless voice repeating the words _'are you hungry'_ over and over again, because _Cupcakes._ "

* * *

 _(Ethan Proulx)  
Are you hungry?_

* * *

As Floyd changed his tune, Keldeo said, "After this, the tune becomes. . . really bouncy and happy, believe it or not. It's catchy and put you in a good mood as we get a little introductory poem read to us."

Floyd nodded, and he recited the words.

* * *

 _(Spoken)  
Welcome to our little town!  
The stories here are never down.  
The happiness floats all around,  
And little could go wrong.  
Well, not to long ago, it seems,  
Something changed within this dream;  
Maybe we're just losing steam,  
I mean, It's been so long...  
But here's a story, a tale you see,  
About one which we call "Pinkie",  
And though the details are bleary,  
I'll keep you informed with this song._

* * *

"Then we get some cheerful singing along with the bouncy tune," Keldeo said as he smiled while Floyd sang.

* * *

 _Every pony, come look here:  
Rainbow Dash is full of fear  
For the upcoming event,  
Something which she'd circumvent.  
Talented young Pegasi,  
Off to Cloudsdale, in the sky.  
Competition riding high;  
So much that could go awry.  
So her friends devised a plan  
To assist her, lend a hand,  
Be support within the crowd.  
(Fluttershy just wasn't loud)  
"Help me chase away my fears"  
"Help me chase away my fears"  
"Help me chase away my fears"  
"Help me chase away my fears"_

* * *

Keldeo nodded enthusiastically and said, "That's right! Tarby is actually working in actual events from actual episodes of the show into his song. First up is _Sonic Rainboom_!"

Floyd changed his tune again, and Keldeo began to bob his head to the beat.

"Now the music gets a bit more rockin' as we continue the summary of _Sonic Rainboom,_ " Keldeo said.

* * *

 _She signed up, then we hit the town.  
To calm her nerves, we walked around.  
Visited the school, we saw the sights,  
Ain't trippin *, that * was tight!  
So we made our way through the city,  
Though rainbow dash still felt *.  
Still we went around for things to see;  
Ended up (in a rainbow factory),_

* * *

"I like how Tarby references WoodenToaster's song by giving a distinctive vocal effect to this line. It's a small detail, but it's really nice when you hear it," Keldeo remarked quickly. _  
_

* * *

 _Where rarity, that pompous *,  
Decided, by some mental glitch,  
That she would join the comp that night,  
Forgetting poor young rainbow's plight.  
Short time later, we all sat,  
Waiting for our favorite cat  
To fin'lly make her trick debut;  
If only we knew what we do…_

* * *

"Tarby then switches to a calmer, slower tune in order to capture the essence of the wonder of the Sonic Rainboom," Keldeo explained as Floyd changed his tune accordingly and continued singing.

* * *

 _Rarity fell, and Rainbow went after,  
Picking up speed, the audience silent.  
Rainbow dash sped till she reached the speed barrier;  
Out came a ring, of colours so vibrant.  
They always said that a rainboom was legend.  
Pinkie, however, had seen it before,  
Back at her home, when she was a filly.  
Memories came back and horrors galore!_

* * *

Keldeo nodded and said, "And here comes the scary stuff! It seems that in Tarby's adaptation of _Cupcakes,_ it's actually the Sonic Rainboom that knocks over the first domino in a chain of events that lead to Pinkie's transformation. We even get some more creepy vocoder stuff."

* * *

 _(Vocoder)  
Next In Line  
You're not fine  
It's your Time  
Time To Shine_

* * *

"As for the music, it suddenly becomes heavier, angrier, and harsher," Keldeo added as Floyd continued to play and sing.

* * *

 _What to do, I'm feeling kinda woozy!  
I haven't felt this since I was a filly.  
Oh god, why did you ever do that, daddy.  
Now I remember just how it has scarred me!  
I'm paranoid about the ones around me!  
Who's gonna be the next to try to hurt me?  
So much for happy, yeah, so much for Pinkie!  
I feel something in me trying to break free._

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said, "Yeah, I can hear all of you groaning about Tarby using the old _'Pinkie's Cutie Mark story was a lie'_ cliché, and how giving Pinkie a Freudian excuse for becoming a serial killer is lame. But honestly, I think it kinda works when the story is being told in the format of a song. Also, it kinda adds an added moral to the story. You see, if Pinkie had opened up about her past to her friends or to the Cakes or even to a psychiatrist, thing probably wouldn't have gotten so horrible. But, of course, she doesn't do that, so Tarby gives us a quick narration leading into the next episode tied into the _Cupcakes_ cannon, the infamous _Party of One._ "

* * *

 _(Spoken)  
About a week later, Pinkie, in an attempt to make herself feel better, did what she did best, and threw a party, in this instance celebrating the birthday of her pet alligator. The party was swell, but the entire time she couldn't help but notice that the ponies she called friends seemed almost tired of her antics. This caused Pinkie to become even more paranoid, as the following day she attempt to throw yet another party, this time in commemoration of the party from the night before. However, despite her best efforts, nopony seemed able, or for that matter willing, to attend. It was at this that Pinkie finally snapped._

* * *

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. But I just find that line funny. The way he just flat out says she _snapped_ is just so brutally brunt. Especially when it leads into this tense, fast paced music that makes you wanna bite your nails," Keldeo then smiled sheepishly and added, "I got hooves."

* * *

 _Secrets and lies. Secrets and lies.  
What are they doing, is it right before my eyes?  
Secrets and lies. Secrets and lies.  
I'm getting frantic, growing louder are my cries.  
I'm getting tired of excuses and evasions  
Why don't they face me, just admit the situation?  
What have I done, are they afraid my celebration  
Will make them sick or make them dull or make them mad or make them sad or make them angry, make them frantic, make them crazy, make them loopy, make it painful, make it sickly, make it random, make it icky, break my mind and leave me twitchy, nothing left of poor old Pinkie! what has happened to me, tell me, daddy why'd you do that to me! NO!_

* * *

"Aha!" Keldeo said suddenly, "Something clever that Tarby does is repeat certain phrases throughout this rock opera in order to connect the parts together, as if to show how it all led to Pinkie's descent into madness. I believe Pink Floyd might have done something similar in _The Wall._ " Keldeo smiled knowingly and shook his right forehoof smugly, "Now, I'm not gonna point out every time a phrase is repeated in this rock opera. I want you all to find them all for yourselves. They're all really cleverly placed, and they're so seamless you might not notice them at first. Tarby's a musical genius!" Keldeo then put his hoof back down and tapped his hoof to the beat.

* * *

 _What have I done? What have I done?  
I'm left alone here, just a party of one! (just a party of one,)  
What have they done? This isn't fun!  
I should have known, I should have seen that this would come.  
It's all a matter of when they will come to tell me  
That they despise me, that they never want to see me.  
Well they can *, It's time for pinkie pie to be free!  
Pinkamena, show your scars! Broken bones and broken hearts.  
Give me, tell me one good reason, why I should give them a season, let alone an hour, minute, or a fraction of time in it, let me cling to reality, one last second, savored for me, looking for that one blue pony. RAINBOWDASH WAIT!_

* * *

Floyd then began to riff on his guitar wildly.

"The music then becomes wild and fast, yet still catchy and in tune," Keldeo said as his head bobbed up and down to the fast beat, "Clearly Tarby wanted to express the scene where Pinkie chases after Rainbow Dash in _Party of One_ in music, and I'd say he succeeded. We then get some more narration from Tarby."

* * *

 _(Narrator)  
Later on, despite learning that her friends had good reason for keeping her in the dark, and overall meant no ill will against her, Pinkie still found herself wandering the streets of Ponyville. Almost everypony had gone to bed, and the moon was high in the sky, illuminating her way through the sleeping town. Pinkie was confused, she was lost, and more importantly, she was alone._

* * *

Keldeo nodded and said, "Now, this is very interesting. We know that Pinkie _seemed_ to go back to normal after learning that it was all a surprise birthday party for her, but lots of people put on masks to hide their true feelings all the time. It's possible that Pinkie could've been doing the same thing. Either that or Pinkie simply remembered all the bad stuff once her party was over. Either way, this adds some depth to her. Let me also bring up that had Pinkie chosen this day as the time to admit her insecurities and past scars to her friends, then all the stuff that we all know is gonna happen later could've be avoided. Huh. It's kinda sad, really."

Keldeo then gained a slightly conflicted look and said, "Now, this next part. . . kinda sounds like a slower, quieter version Green Day's _American Idiot._ I know that sounds weird. . . but it really does sound like it, at least to me."

* * *

 _What am I to do?  
Is it safe to say I'm through?  
Ready for my end  
No escape, can't pretend  
That everything is I wanted came true  
So once again, I ask what can I do?  
What am I to say  
Who would listen, anyway?  
Who is there for me?  
No one takes me seriously!  
I give and give, and they all use me  
just like daddy did abuse me  
13 days It took to find me  
Left my home and life behind me  
SOMEONE'S SNEAKIN UP BEHIND ME!_

 _AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!_

* * *

Keldeo actually jumped up slightly and said with wide eyes, "Was that the Skull Kid's scream from _The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask_?"

 _ **Skull Kid:**_ _AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!_

"Oh my gosh, it is!" Keldeo said in amazement, "Seriously, I'm not making a joke here, that _really was_ the Skull Kid's scream. Tarby used it in the song and. . . I've gotta say, it fits! I mean, he could've done much worse!"

* * *

 _ **Tarby:**_ _SOMEONE'S SNEAKIN UP BEHIND ME!_

 _ **Tom Cat:**_ _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!_

* * *

 _ **Tarby:**_ _SOMEONE'S SNEAKIN UP BEHIND ME!_

 _ **Freddy Fazbear:**_ _SKREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!_

* * *

 _ **Tarby:**_ _SOMEONE'S SNEAKIN UP BEHIND ME!_

 _ **Scrat:**_ _RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_

* * *

 _ **Tarby:**_ _SOMEONE'S SNEAKIN UP BEHIND ME!_

 _ **Goofy:**_ _YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOEY!_

* * *

"Alright, that's enough," Keldeo said while chuckling, "Well, after the scream, we get some aggressive notes from the guitar, which brings to mind the image of Pinkie turning around and violently strangling whoever's behind her. And thus, we have the beginnings of Killer Pinkie."

Keldeo shuddered and said, "Ooh man. If this were any month but October, I'd want nothing to do with this!"

Keldeo shook it off and said, "Anyway, what I like is how Pinkie doesn't immediately jump into her serial killer persona right away. In fact, she's actually wracked with guilt and fear at this point. I mean, this technically _was_ an accident due to her fragile mental state. Anyway, the music is really slow, somber, and sad to reflect her current emotions."

* * *

 _What have I done? What have I done?  
I lost my focus, now this pony is gone…  
What have I done? Party of one…  
I'm all alone, this problem I cannot outrun  
What do I do? What can I say?  
I need a plan or else I'll never make a day  
Where can I go? I just don't know!  
It's not the kind of thing that normal ponies know  
I need to get rid of the evidence…  
Somehow…_

* * *

"We then get a really haunting rendition of Rarity's song from the episode _Suited for Success, Art of the Dress,_ " Keldeo said.

"Ahem," Floyd said loudly, "Now it's _Art of_ _ **Distress.**_ " He then continued to perform.

* * *

 _Step by step, checking every detail  
Hook and knife, Bring the body down into the cellar  
Struggle as I place her on the table  
Frantic as I wonder if I'm able  
To go through with all that I have planned  
So far all my actions were unmanned  
I'm under so much stress…_

 _Bare the neck, make a deep incision  
Smell the blood as it pours out upon the surface  
Trying not to care for consequences  
Knowing that I have no good defenses  
Thinking hard of what I'm gonna make her  
Though I know I'll have to clean up later  
Silly little pinkie, you've grown colder  
Time for Pinkamina to take over  
Finish up the job that we have started  
Feed her to the vein and the coldhearted  
Don't expect to hear that much rejection  
Everypony loves our main confection_

* * *

"And then, without a break and with amazing seamlessness," Keldeo said softly and dramatically, "The songs transitions to a haunting rendition of Pinkie's song from _Call of the Cutie, Cupcakes._ " _  
_

* * *

 _(Make them cupcakes)  
So sweet and tasty  
(Cupcakes)  
Don't be too hasty  
(Cupcakes)  
And if they like them  
(Cupcakes)  
Then I'll still make them  
(Cupcakes)  
I trust nopony  
(Cupcakes)  
They all are phony  
(Cupcakes!)  
I know my target  
(Cupcakes)  
I'll never forget  
This is all her fault!_

… _when I'm through with you, Rainbow Dash is gonna pay!_

* * *

"This slow translation of guilt and fear to sadism and vengefulness is key to making the whole idea of Sergeant Sprinkles' _Cupcakes_ seem a lot more believable," Keldeo explained, "All the stuff that came before this is important too, of course. The trauma of her past, the mental breakdown from _Party of One,_ it all adds up. Also, while the descriptions in _Cupcakes_ are so sick and disgusting that you could only ever read it for sick and disgusting reasons, the descriptions in these lyrics reach a level where they are scary, but not overly sick. Sure, Pinkie is disposing of a body and cleaning up blood, but it never really crosses the line. For a completely made up tale that never happened and never will happen, it really is just the right level of scariness. The way the voice builds with intensity and conviction is creepy and heart pounding as well."

"We then get more narration, which is set to a background of scary music that gets louder and louder until it practically explodes into a scare chord."

* * *

 _(spoken)  
The following morning, Pinkie put the cupcakes out for sale, like they were a regular product in the store, and hoped against hope that the customers approved. To her shock (as well as mine, to be honest), they went over extremely well with the ponies who bought them, to the point where they had completely sold out by the end of the lunch hour._

* * *

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Okay, I like how Tarby remarks how he's slightly disturbed by how well the other ponies like cupcakes with ground meat filling."

 _ **Tarby:**_ _"The cupcakes went over extremely well with the ponies who bought them- oh holy cow, what is wrong with these ponies- uh, to the point that they had completely sold out."_

* * *

 _Strangely enough, the normally sickening thought of her peers unknowingly committing cannibalism pleased her. For the first time since Cloudsdale, Pinkie genuinely smiled, and by the end of the day, her once faked happy demeanor was replaced by the jubilant mannerisms that Pinkie was known for._

* * *

"Tarby also shows that he is well aware of the fact that the Pinkie in _Cupcakes_ is not the straight-haired depressed version, but the bouncy and happy version, only evil," Keldeo remarked.

* * *

 _She felt great, better than she had in a while, but…she knew that, if she was going to go through with her plan, she would have to prepare, and preparing meant repeating the process and practicing until she felt she was ready to take on the one who, in her mind, started it all._

 _The first pony she managed to get was a young filly named Twist. The second, about a week later, was a unicorn named Holli Dash. The third, a young Pegasus named Cloud Kicker. Several other ponies disappeared, and the residents of ponyville were none-the-wiser, until finally, about a month later, Pinkie felt that she was ready, and invited rainbow dash to help her in her shop..._

* * *

"After the shocking scare chord, Tarby reads out a section of _Cupcakes,_ and makes an attempt at doing the voices," Keldeo said, "He might think it stinks, but I like how he does it. He doesn't go too far by trying to make his voice sound exactly like Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, he just kinda give his take on how their voices sound. Dash's coolness and laid-back attitude, and Pinkie high and cheerful demeanor. It keeps us in the mindset that this is all the story that he is telling us."

* * *

 _Pinkie: So you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I've got everything all ready"  
Rainbow Dash: You betcha, Pinkie! So what do ya got planned? We gonna prank somepony? I got a couple of good ones I've been thinking about. Or maybe you got some stunts you think I should try? Or maybe…  
Pinkie: Making cupcakes!  
RD: Baking? Pinkie, you know I'm not good at baking. Remember the last time?  
Pinkie: Oh, that's not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I'll be doing most of the work.  
RD: (pause) well, alright, I guess that's ok. What exactly do you need me to do?  
Pinkie: That's the spirit. Here you go!  
RD: (pause) Iiiii thought I was helping you bake  
Pinkie: You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.  
RD: So, is this like taste testing or something?  
Pinkie: Sorta  
RD: (pause) Okay, now what?  
Pinkie: Now. You take a nap._

* * *

Floyd riffs his guitar loud and strong as Keldeo says, "It immediately jumps into some hardcore rock without pause of hesitation. The mood whiplash is so jarring in a good way for a scary song like this! We then move into the main event that all of this has been leading up to!"

* * *

 _Oh Dash, I'm glad you're here.  
This job of mine is oh so dreary.  
Don't scream, not MUCH to fear  
I'm glad it's you, this makes me weary_

 _I'm sure you'll BRIGTHEN up my day  
Before you really start to cry  
Oh, just one more thing you should know  
You're gonna die._

 _Let me rip your deamons  
Tear them out your throat  
Cut your flesh and body  
Till you'll dead and bloat_

 _You see, I'm really sorry,  
Dashy, but there's nothing I can do  
I drew your number, that's the rules here  
Now your time with us is through  
Still we have a little while  
'for your blood loss takes your life  
We can chat about our past,  
My god, my dear, you've turned so white!_

* * *

"These lyrics are _brutal_!" Keldeo said, his eyes wide with excitement, "But the music is so awesome and it gets your blood pumping, OH MAN!"

Keldeo nodded excitedly and said, "Then we get this next part which reminds me of that part from _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ where Mr. Boogie Oogie has Santa Claus captured and is singing about how doomed Santa is."

* * *

 _What, is this fear I'm seeing?  
What happened to the dash I knew?  
As soon as your life is threatened  
You will cower, it's nothing new  
So let's get down to business  
Better late than never I say  
Oh, dashie, do you have any sickness?  
Wait…once your cooked, it won't matter anyway!_

 _Oh did that hurt? What happened to the big, strong rainbow dash I knew? And for that matter, why do they call it a hack saw? You don't hack with it: that's what I was doing with the knife!_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Yeah, Tarby had to get that line in somewhere. It's unavoidable, really. Anyway, then the music gets really slow and quiet to emphasize how it's almost over for Rainbow Dash."

* * *

 _Can you scream just a little bit louder?  
It chills my blood in the most satisfying of ways  
Let me look into your eyes, let me see your soul  
Show what it's like, When a pony betrays  
Rip the flank, and leave it to whiter  
Oh dearie me, it seems I've been drawing this out a bit too long…  
Let's go, it's time…_

* * *

Keldeo recoiled in horror and said, "Ugh. . . that creepy labored breathing in the background really sells it."

Floyd stopped playing and help up his left paw. "Wait for it. . ." he said slowly.

* * *

 _DIE!_

 _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

* * *

"BISCUITS!" Keldeo shouted as he nearly jumped right out of his kirin costume, "I forgot about that psychotic metal scream!"

Floyd smiled and said, "Well, let's _not_ forget about the abrupt switch from hard rock and screaming to the happy bouncy tune from the beginning." He then proceeded to play the final part of the rock opera.

* * *

 _In the basement not a sound  
Can be heard above the ground,  
So the ponies up above  
Can go on in "peace and love."  
Down below, some tasty treats  
Are being made for them to eat;  
Granted, at a friend's expense.  
What they don't know won't hurt them.  
So down in the dimly lit,  
Down comes knife, another hit,  
Draw it forth, eviscerate;  
Soon they'll be on someone's plate.  
"HELP ME CHASE AWAY MY FEARS!"  
"HELP ME CHASE AWAY MY FEARS!"  
"HELP ME CHASE AWAY MY FEARS!"  
"HELP ME CHASE AWAY M-!"_

* * *

Victini then played a few final off-key notes, and then took a bow.

As Keldeo clapped his forehooves in applause, he said, "And as the final line, presumably said by Rainbow Dash, is cut off abruptly, the few final off-key notes act as symbols of the very unhappy and unsettling ending we have been given, as we have been shown a world that is supposed to be happy, only to have something utterly evil happening on a regular basis below the ground."

Keldeo stopped applauding, gave a nod, and said, "So that was _Something Broke: The Continuing Tale Of Pinkie Pie and Ponycide._ If it were a fanfic, it would probably deserve a solid T rating. There are a few swears that really didn't need to be in here, but they're easy to miss. _Obviously,_ I think it's pretty awesome when you're in the mood for something scary. If you don't like stories like this, then you've got to at least admire the time and effort that Tarby put into the music. He is a totally awesome musician. He might go into some dark territory, but he is still really good at what he does."

"Ahem!" Floyd said loudly.

Keldeo smiled at the Pichu and said, "Yes, Floyd, you were awesome too. Thanks for performing the song for us. I'm not sure how you were able to make all those different sounds with just a guitar, but it doesn't matter. You were great, thank you."

Keldeo then sighed and said, "Well, that's the end of _Gourgeist Festival Month!_ I hope you all enjoyed-."

" _ **AHEM!**_ " Floyd said even louder as he tapped his foot impatiently.

Keldeo let out a loud groan and said, "Okay, okay! I know what you're thinking Floyd! I know I can't avoid it. . . no matter how much I want to. . ."

Keldeo closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out. Then he opened his eyes and said, "You might have noticed I haven't reviewed a scary Pokemon fanfic yet. Well. . . don't you worry. . . because I will. It'll be the grand finale for this month and. . . well. . . it's like I always say. I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I review it so you don't have to."

Keldeo's eyes widened, and he said, "And trust me. . . _**you don't want to!**_ "

* * *

Damian Stone quickly rewound the PAW Patrol theme song as he checked the cameras. He spotted a Rocky animatronic waiting in the garage, and he quickly closed the hatch for the tube. He switched around some more, then turned around to check the room. Seeing that it was empty, he looked back towards the camera and opened the tube hatch when he saw that the garage was empty. He then spotted a Chase animatronic coming up the elevator, and he promptly shut the elevator doors. After Chase went back down, Stone rewound the song again, checked the cameras again, and then turned to check the room again.

Stone stopped moving when the figure of a pup dressed in a cloak made up of brown rags that were sewn together began to slowly fade into view. Stone was looking right at the figure as it fully materialized, and it let out a terrifying roar as is pounced at him with jaws snapping.

. . . . . . .

 _ **Nightmare Zuma:**_ _"I AM THE FEARFUL REFLECTION OF WHAT YOU HAVE CREATED!"_

. . . . . . .

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 _ **(1)**_ _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - Season 8 Episode 23: Sounds of Silence_

 _ **Other References**_

 _Divine Comedy- Inferno_ by Dante Alighieri

 _Rainbow Factory_ by WoodenToaster

 _American Idiot_ by Green Day

 _Tom and Jerry_

 _Five Nights at Freddy's_

 _Ice Age_

 _Disney's Mickey Mouse Cartoons_

 _The Nightmare Before Christmas_

 _Zuma's Courage_ by HavocHound

 _Five Night's at Freddy's: Ultimate Custom Night_


	46. Payback

Damian Stone sat on the floor, a grimace on his face as his tugged at his hair. He had been checking the cameras when suddenly a clock chimed for 6 A.M. As the sun rose outside, the video screen began to play what appeared to be a children's show centered around the PAW Patrol. For hours and hours, episode after episode played on the screen. No matter what Stone did to the control panel, nothing could stop the show, or change its volume. All possible exits were shut tight as well. Stone would let out a stream of curses whenever Zuma spoke, or was even on screen, but that didn't accomplish much of anything. For 18 straight hours, Stone had to listen to the cheerful voices of the PAW Patrol as they relished success after success. Then, a clock chime for 12 A.M., and the show turned off. Not only that, all of the hatches unlocked and opened wide.

Still shell-shocked from the ordeal, Stone let go of his hair and jumped up to his feet. "Screw this, I'm out of here," he said as he ran towards the slide. He dived down it, only to come face to face with the brown cloaked Zuma, whose teeth quickly met Stone's face.

. . . . . .

 _ **Nightmare Zuma:**_ _"LET'S TASTE DEATH AGAIN. . . AND AGAIN. . . AND AGAIN!"_

. . . . . .

* * *

 _ **KELDEO'S GOURGEIST FESTIVAL!**_

* * *

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season 5**

 **Episode 16: Payback by reppad98**

Keldeo stood with a yellow sheet over his head, painted to look like a Mimikyu.

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to- _oh, the hay with this!_ " Keldeo said, and he shook off the crude disguise. Keldeo was frowning, and he said, "What a way to end Gourgeist Festival Month! Sure, I know I kinda _have to_ review a scary Pokemon fanfic. . . but does it have to be _this one_?"

* * *

 _ **Payback**_

 _By: reppad98_

 _When Ash leaves for the Kalos region, he leaves yet another set of travelling partners behind. Only this time, he gets punished for it. Time for payback. One-shot. This was written for andrewmcmahons's challenge Pokemon Horror Oneshots Challenge on the Pokémon Fanfiction Challenges forum._

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Horror/Friendship - Ash K./Satoshi - Words: 5,264 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Published: Aug 2, 2013 - Status: Complete - id: 9556859_

* * *

"This is just _mindboggling_!" Keldeo said in disgust, "I mean, the logic behind. . . no, there is no logic. . . I mean. . ." Keldeo groaned and said, "Okay, there is a difference between horror and insanity. This fanfic is _insanity._ It just makes no sense. The things that happen here are just excuses for something scary to happen. But the problem is that the quote unquote _'scares'_ are so ridiculous and off the wall that you don't have time to be scared of them!"

Keldeo let out a sigh and said, "Okay, I guess explaining it like this won't cut it. I gotta review it. Heh. I suppose after the _treat_ that was _Something Broke,_ I need to get have this dirty _trick_ played on me. Well then, let's get it over with. This is _Payback._ "

* * *

 _Ah, nothing better than a new region and a new adventure,_ _Ash Ketchum thought happily, walking through the forest. As soon as he had set foot in the Kalos region, Ash had loved it here. New Pokémon, new people, new adventures… what more could he wish for?_

 _He whistled a tune as Pikachu ran ahead of him. He had been training Pokémon for four years now, but his Starter Pokémon Pikachu had always stayed at his side. Yes, what more could he possibly wish for?_

* * *

"How about an explanation to where Bonnie and Clemont aren't around?" Keldeo questioned, "Sure, they didn't meet up with Serena right away, but last time I checked, Ash went straight to the Lumiose City Gym and joined up with Bonnie and Clemont. Why is he suddenly in a random forest with no one but Pikachu? Sure, he has to get separated from them when the scary stuff happens. . . so just write up a way for them to get separated! A pitfall, a trap door, _anything!_ "

* * *

 _Suddenly, a building on a hilltop caught Ash's eye. It was still far away, but so far it was the only sign of civilization they had seen in a while. Deciding to take their chances, Ash turned to the left, walking up a small, tortuous path._

 _Trees towered over the small path, and as not much light reached the soil of this part of the forest, it was constantly dusky. The trees were huge, old and stood close to each other. This all gave Ash the feeling it was late at night, rather than-_

* * *

"EX – PO – SI – TION! EX – PO – SI – TION! SPELL – IT – OUT! A-S! A-P!" Keldeo and Munna sang.

"But seriously," Keldeo said, "The author goes on in great detail on how the clearly haunted woods are _clearly haunted,_ and how the clearly haunted mansion is _clearly haunted!_ "

* * *

 _When he had knocked on the wooden doors earlier, he had found out that they were already open. He had yelled around the house, walked through the old-fashioned corridors, but the house appeared to be completely deserted._

* * *

"So Ash goes to sleep in the- Come on, Ash!" Keldeo groaned, "I mean, even if the mansion isn't _really_ haunted, it could still be filled with evil Ghost-types! Remember _Scare at Litwick Mansion_ in Unova?! THINK!"

* * *

 _Because of an unknown reason, Ash woke up in the middle of the night. He stared at the wooden ceiling, listening to the sounds of the night. The rain had stopped falling, but the wind continued beating against the mansion. He threw a glance at Pikachu, only to notice that his Pokémon was gone._

* * *

"There!" Keldeo said, "Perfect explanation for why the rest of the Kalos gang would be gone. They just disappear. It's better than just pretending the character don't even exist or-."

Keldeo was suddenly interrupted by Victini flying in a whispering something in his ear.

Keldeo's eyes widened and he said slowly, ". . . This fanfic was written _before_ the first episode of _Pokemon XY The Series_ aired?"

Victini nodded and flew off, leaving Keldeo blushing with embarrassment. Keldeo slowly picked up his Mimikyu mask and put it back over his head.

* * *

 _"Pikachu! Pikachu! Where are you?" His voice echoed through the house, causing years old cobwebs to tremble._

* * *

 _ **Scooby Doo:**_ _"Rover rhere!"_

"I _wish_ this was a Scooby Doo mystery," Keldeo muttered from behind under the mask, "Then at least it would be mentally stimulating- _I can hardly breathe in this thing!_ " Keldeo flung the Mimikyu mask off again and said with a huff, "Okay, okay, we're getting through this!"

* * *

 _Yes, something, near the staircase. It didn't look like Pikachu though… Ash swallowed, getting closer to that moving thing. As he got closer, it appeared human, sitting cross-legged, with its back towards him. And it seemed to have a huge head of hair._

* * *

"MEEMA!" Zorua shouted as he jumped in.

Keldeo nudged Zorua away and said, "No, no, no; it's not Zoroark! And you need to get out of here, you're too young to read stuff like this!"

* * *

 _Confused, Ash stared at the figure for a few seconds, before asking, "Iris?"_

 _The girl turned around, revealing that she was indeed Iris. Her eyes stared at Ash's face, an expression on her face the boy couldn't quite place._

 _"Hello Ash," she said, her voice completely devoid of any emotions._

* * *

"As a Sword of Justice, it's my duty to warn you that if you are allergic to stupidity, you should really stop reading," Keldeo said in a serious tone, "Seriously, just stop. Right now."

* * *

 _"Remember when we parted ways in Unova?"_

 _She didn't wait for his answer, just continued getting closer to him as she spoke. "I missed you terribly Ash, and you never called… And even worse…"_

 _Despite that she said that she had missed him, her voice was still emotionless. Ash took another few steps back, unable to stop himself from getting scared, and tried to force out an 'I'm sorry' but it came out as a high squeak._

 _"You didn't hug me when you left…"_

 _Ash tried to speak, but only a few high-pitched noises escaped his mouth._

 _Iris continued, ignoring Ash's attempts to form a coherent word. "So I'm coming to get that hug now…"_

 _"Now?" Ash squeaked._

 _Finally Iris's emotionless face changed. A grin formed on her face – did her teeth seem sharper? – and an emotion appeared in her eyes, though it took Ash some time before he realized what it was._ _Malice. Anger. Hate._

 _Pieces skin of her face seemed to be falling off and long strips of skin hung around her arms, lightly flapping when she moved her arms._

 _She noticed his shocked face, and looked disinterested at her skin falling from the rest of her body. Her voice was cold when she spoke."This is what you did to me, Ash, I'm falling apart without you."_

* * *

Keldeo was wearing the Mimikyu mask again, and he said, "Oh my gosh. . ." Then he took it off again and said, "Where do I start?"

Keldeo nodded and said, "First of all, Ash didn't leave Iris. _Iris_ kinda left Ash. She went to Johto to battle Clair at the Blackthorn Gym so she could get closer to her goal of becoming a Dragon Master. Second, this dialogue is worded so that it sounds like she's gonna kill Ash for. . . not hugging him? Huh?"

Keldeo shook off his confusion and then continued, "Third, while I really do believe that Ash and Iris are perfect for each other, the idea that Iris would _'fall apart without him',_ literally or figurative, seems like a supreme insult to her character. Iris is strong, independent, and very determined. This just makes her look weak and pathetic, not to mention extremely petty!"

Keldeo stomped his right forehoof and said, "And fourth, while this imagery does sound creepy, the other points I brought up distract from it so much that it fails to be scary at all! It just seems. . . weird. . ."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, you'd expect there to be some kind of fight or something, but nope! Ash just runs away to another room and closes the door behind him, so this story has all the horror of a Scooby Doo episode so far."

* * *

 _Out of the shadows a tall figure appeared, the same soulless look in his green eyes as Iris had._

 _"Ci- Cilan," Ash stuttered almost inaudible._

 _"Hello Ash," the Connoisseur repeated, his voice not completely devoid of emotions – no, for in his voice, malice was very clearly heard._

 _Two long thin knives shined in the moonlight, being firmly and skilfully held by Cilan. Blood stained his white shirt and dripped from his left arm. Or well, what used to be his left arm. Ash felt bile burning in his throat as he realized that Cilan's left arm only consisted of bones with little bloody pieces of flesh dangling on them._

 _"Did you miss me Ash? Did you miss my cooking skills?" He grinned at the boy, baring his sharp teeth. "I practiced, you know. I'm now a master in_ _defleshing_ _."_

* * *

"So Ash runs away again and- _WOW!_ We didn't even get a half-baked reason for why Cilan wants to kill Ash this time!" Keldeo said in annoyance, "I mean, as stupid as Iris' scene was, at least it had a weird kind of reasoning to it. Iris was falling apart inside, so her body fell apart. It had symbolic meaning. Here, Cilan just. . . cut up his arm for no reason. He didn't even give an explanation!"

* * *

 _Ash yelped when his footing suddenly disappeared, and fell face first on the floor, causing the wood to break through even more. In a few seconds, part of the floor had been completely disappeared, and the only thing that kept Ash from falling were his hands grabbing on one of the few planks that was still whole._

 _Silently, the green-haired boy handed Iris one of his knives._

 _"Time to help you down, Ash," Cilan said, giving him a cold smile._

 _"No," the raven-haired boy tried to say, but no sound came out of his mouth. Simultaneously the two moved their knives down, aiming for Ash's hands. Reflexively he let go, and fell down, his mouth open in a silent scream._

* * *

"When Ash regains consciousness, he finds himself tied and bound by Dawn, who-."

* * *

 _Her fingers were completely black, ashen, charred – and the rest of her hands weren't much better. They were red and full of blisters, and the closer the skin came to her wrists, the lighter red it became, till it looked like normal skin._

 _Ash still didn't know what to say, but Dawn saw him staring at her hands._

 _"I put my hands in the fire for you; you, who never called!" She had started calmly, but almost yelled the last part._

* * *

"WHY!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "Seriously, I was _way_ too hard on Iris, because her demon form made sense and it gives her a reason to want to kill Ash. But Cilan and Dawn. . . mutilated themselves for no reason? Shouldn't Dawn be too busy trying to be top Coordinator to be worried about Ash? Wait a minute, she visited him in Black and White during the Meloetta story arc! What is wrong with this author!?"

Keldeo shook his head sadly and said, "Well, we actually get a bit of action, as Ash actually fights back and grabs the knife from Dawn and uses it to escape."

* * *

 _Panicking, Ash wriggled and squirmed, doing his best to free himself. In his attempts, he managed to break the rope keeping his hands tied down to the floor, and they shot up, knocking the monster Dawn off him._

 _Thinking fast, Ash managed to grab the dagger with his hands tied together, and quickly cut the robes keeping his hands together. After cutting the robes around his feet, he sprang up, cringing as his bruises reminded him of his fall._

* * *

"There! Now we at least have some tension! It's a lot better than just Ash running around aimlessly," Keldeo commented.

* * *

 _With wide eyes, he looked at the person in front of him. The person's skin was completely gone, and not like Iris's skin had, just falling off – no, here it seemed like someone had brutally ripped it off, the wounds still bleeding._

 _"You skinned me Ash. I gave you everything I could, and you never thanked me. You skinned me," the person spoke in a cold voice._

 _It was only when the person had spoken that Ash realized that it was Brock._

* * *

"NO!" Keldeo said defiantly, "No way! You have _no right_ to be here, Brock! You've been following Ash around for FOUR GENERATIONS! FOUR! And then you moved on to achieve _your_ dream of becoming a Pokemon Breeder, and you owe all of that to Ash! If anything, it should be a skinless Ash trying to kill _you_!"

Keldeo's eyes widened and he blinked them solemnly, "Huh. . . I can't believe I just said that."

Keldeo shook his shock off and said, "Ugh. Well, maybe this one will be scary enough that the distraction doesn't completely ruin the-."

* * *

 _"I'll show you how much you hurt me Ash," the once-tanned man spoke vengefully. Out of his pocket he pulled something, and Ash prepared himself to see the worst sort of weapon or torture device, but instead he was faced with-_

 _"A cheese slicer?" The weird urge to laugh, despite everything, overtook Ash and a chuckle escaped him._

 _"Don't laugh!" Brock spat. "I'll skin you like you skinned me!"_

 _"With a cheese slicer?"_

* * *

"Is this a parody?" Keldeo asked as he looked around in desperation, "Seriously, is this meant to be a joke or something? I mean, even _Ash_ calls the author out on how stupid this story has gotten!"

 _ **Brock:**_ _"Now I'm gonna kill you with my cheese slicer, and-."_

 _ **Ash:**_ _"OKAY! CUT! Who wrote this garbage?! I can't work like this! Where's my trailer?!"_

Keldeo sighed, "So Ash runs away _again,_ and then this happens:"

* * *

 _Without further thinking, he opened a random door, where he was met with a nasty surprise._

 _Inside stood a person he quickly recognized as Tracey, holding an axe._

* * *

 _ **"ZUUL MOTHER-!"**_

* * *

 _Before the artist could open up his mouth, Ash slammed the door in his face and made a run for it._

* * *

Keldeo burst out laughing hysterically, nearly falling over as he did so. Eventually he composed himself and said, "I'm _laughing_ at a horror fanfic! You see the problem here?"

Keldeo suddenly looked thoughtful and said, "But I wonder if maybe Tracey didn't want to be a part of this and actually went in that room to hide out of protest."

 _ **Tracey** **:**_ _"Get out of my face! No! Get the heck out of my sight! You want me to chase my friend Ash with an axe!? What in Arceus' name is wrong with you?! You can take this 'Spooky's Jump Scare Mansion' garbage and choke on it! You hear me?! Choke on it! No! No! You already tricked me into coming to this old mansion, you psychopath! But I thought this was gonna be a Pokemon watcher convention! You lied to me! You LIED to me! You better not come across me again, or I'll introduce you to my Scyther's blades! Go and kiss a Skuntank's butt, you pathetic punk!" *slam*_

 _ **reppad98:**_ _*sigh* "Okay. Max, you're up."_

 _ **Max**_ _ **:**_ _"I don't know if I'm comfortable with this-." *smack* "OW!"_

 _ **reppad98:**_ _"You're not even a Pokemon Trainer! I can do whatever I want to ya! You want me to prove it?"_

 _ **Max**_ _ **:**_ _"I'm going, I'm going."_

"So, Ash tries to break a window to escape, but Max is waiting outside for him."

* * *

 _With one swift move, Max pulled another piece of glass out of the window frame and threw it with remarkable speed at Ash's head. It was only thanks to Ash's endless luck and his quick reflexes that it shattered against the wall, and not against his forehead._

 _"You broke my dreams Ash Ketchum! You broke my hope!" the boy suddenly screamed, as he jumped inside. "Now I'll break you!"_

* * *

"Alright, alright," Keldeo said in a tired sounding voice, "Ladies and gentlemen. . . the author just gave up. I mean, how is Ash in any way responsible for _anything_ in Max's life! If anything, Ash helped him by giving him experience and stuff. I mean, what is even the problem here? Did he not become a Pokemon Trainer? What does that have to do with Ash living his life? So far, the only character who was even partially portrayed as having any reason to want to get payback was Iris. You can't have payback if the person getting paid back didn't do anything! Everyone else is just. . . there! Tracey and Max weren't even disfigured! Did the author run out of ideas already?"

"So, Ash runs away _again-_ oh wait, no, Max throws some glass at his leg."

* * *

 _Out of breath and lightly dizzy, he finally stopped, a burning pain in his left upper leg. The piece of glass was still sticking out, blood spreading out on his jeans. Carefully, he pulled it out, cringing and hissing in pain when he managed to remove it._

* * *

". . . So there's that!" Keldeo said, "But when you get down to it, most of this story is just Ash running!"

 _ **Roger Ebert:**_ _"_ Run _, really describes this movie. He runs from beginning to end. And what disturbed me was the movie makes no attempt to answer the obvious questions of the audience. There are several opportunities in this movie for this guy to get clean away, no problems, he's out of town, they never see him again; but no, he has to stay there and make one mistake after another, one brainless act after another, just in order to set up another sequence."_

"So, we move on to another sequence, featuring May, which will probably be just as pointless as-."

* * *

 _A humanlike figure made its way over to him, and he took a few steps back, but cringed in pain because of his leg._

 _It took him a few moments to recognize the figure – May. She didn't look like May anymore though: she was skinny, and not the pretty kind of skinny. No, she was just skin and bones. She looked delicate, easy to break, and her face seemed to be just a skull with skin stretched over it. Her blue eyes were hollow, and hungry. Very hungry._

 _"I can't live without you Ash," the girl spoke. "I'll_ _starve_ _without you."_

* * *

Keldeo froze and looked to the left and right nervously, "Okay. . .this is actually pretty creepy. It's an extreme exaggeration of an anorexic person; that's scary on a physical and psychological level. And it fits too, as May really likes to eat, so having her starving to death is a clever way of making her scary."

Keldeo then rolled his eyes and said, "But, whatever. Now Ash is just gonna run away like Shaggy and-."

* * *

 _Ash opened his mouth to say something, when without warning May jumped towards him. Her unexpected weight caused him to fall backwards, and her thin boney fingers wrapped around his neck, cutting off his cry of surprise._

* * *

"WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!?" Keldeo screamed in horror.

* * *

 _He immediately tried to push her off him, his hands grabbing her thin wrists, trying to stop her from strangling him. May didn't seem bothered by his efforts, but instead placed her lips on his right shoulder and let her teeth sink into his flesh._

* * *

"WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!?"

* * *

 _Panicked by the lack of oxygen, Ash used all his force to push her off. A sickening sound was heard as Ash finally managed to push the girl of him. He breathed heavily, and felt a burning pain in his shoulder._

* * *

"WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!?"

* * *

 _May was staring at her hands, or where used to be her hands. Horrified, Ash too stared at the two bloody stumps that used to be May's hands, and despite that his mind seemed to be in a haze, he knew what it meant. With a terrified shriek, the boy pulled the two lifeless hands which were still around his neck off, stared at them for a gruesome moment, before throwing them away and running away screaming._

* * *

"WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?"

Keldeo stood on his hooves shakily for a moment, completely out of breath. Then he gasped out hoarsely, " _Biscuits!_ What the hay is wrong with you, reppad98? First you give us a clichéd set up, then you give us a couple of lame puppets with all the motivation and horror of a _What's New Scooby Doo?_ villain, and _then_ you throw _this_ at us? I mean. . . if you wanted to write a legitimate horror story, you need to do it _all the way through_!"

Keldeo took a big breath, let it out, cleared his throat, and said, "Okay. . . so after. . . _that. . ._ we discover the shocking and disturbing truth, when the true mastermind behind all this is revealed!"

Munna suddenly flew in and said in a serious tone, "No, Keldeo. Don't even think about it."

Keldeo narrowed his eyes and said, "The final foe Ash faces in this house of horrors. . ."

Victini flew in as well and shook his head frantically. "No, Keldeo! Don't say it!"

"The biggest, baddest monster in the story. . ." Keldeo went on.

Floyd ran in as well and said, "Okay, I'm still relatively new here, but I'm just gonna go along with it. DON'T SAY IT, KELDEO!"

Keldeo took a deep breath as if he were about to make a grand statement, and his three friends flinched as if a bomb were about to go off in front of them. But then, Keldeo let exhaled slowly and said calmly, "Actually, no. I can't make that comparison."

The other three relaxed, and Munna remarked with a grin, "Low hanging fruit, right?"

Keldeo shook his head and said, "No. The Misty in this story is actually a lot nicer than the one in _A Different Kind of Princess_ by Toadettegirl2012."

Munna groaned while Victini face palmed hard.

Floyd blinked and said, "I don't get it."

* * *

 _Ash looked in the direction the sound was coming from, balling his fists just in case, and was surprised to see someone opening the curtains. Still ready to fight, he watched the female figure light some candles._

 _It was a pretty girl, his age, with short red hair and wearing a long, white dress. When she finally turned to him, he recognized her. It was Misty._

 _"Misty…" Ash muttered, still staring at her. He hadn't seen her in years, and had hardly spoken to her in that time. She was looking different than he remembered, very different, and he couldn't interpret the look in her eyes._ _Is it same look all of them had had, or is it something different?_

 _"Hello Ash," she replied, taking a step towards him. "Did you miss me?"_

 _"I- of course I missed you. You're my best friend!" As soon as he had spoken those words, he knew that she wouldn't believe him. They were hollow without proof._

 _"Your best friend?" she echoed, an angry undertone in her voice._

 _"Y- yes?" It sounded as a question, and he didn't know how, but he just knew that Misty wouldn't like it._

 _Threateningly, she stepped closer to him. He knew she was one of them, not the real Misty, but the hurt and anger in her eyes looked_ _so_ _real._

 _"Yes?_ _Yes?!_ _You never called, never wrote, never visited, and yet you call me your best friend?!" Her voice was getting louder and angrier with every word she spoke, and tears were spilling out of her eyes. "You see what I'm wearing, Ash Ketchum? A wedding dress! My heart was yours to take, and yet you just walked over it! You trampled it, broke it in a million pieces!"_

* * *

"I just realized something," Keldeo remarked, "The male demons had no reason to be here and weren't all that scary. But the female ones work because you can kinda get the idea that they all had crushed on Ash and are trying to kill him because he didn't love them back. Sure, it's twisted and insane, but there's still enough logic and reasoning there to rationalize why they're here in demonic form in the first place. Not only that, the girls actually do some creatively scary stuff. They don't just wave knives or cheese slicers or axes or pieces of glass. I mean, look at this!"

* * *

 _The moment after it his common sense kicked in, and without thinking about it twice Ash asked, "_ _How_ _do you want to break my heart?"_

 _She stopped walking towards him, and just bared her teeth even more. Then she whispered, "I'll show you."_

 _She placed her right hand on her left breast, and then, her hand disappeared_ _in_ _her chest. She hissed in pain, then smirked as she pulled her bloodied hand out, holding… something._

 _Victoriously she held the thing up, blood dripping down on her white dress. It was something red, bloody and about as big as her hand. Ash screamed when he realized it was her heart._

* * *

" _LOOK_ AT THIS!" Keldeo shouted, "If the author had taken out Cilan, Brock, Tracey, and Max and just made it about Iris, Dawn, May, and Misty going all crazy about being snubbed and doing truly creepy things, maybe add in more dialogue about how much they craved Ash's affection, then this would have truly been a real horror fanfic."

Keldeo stomped his forehooves down hard and declared, "There! I fixed the fanfic! You're welcome!"

* * *

 _Without thinking, he made a run for the window and jumped straight through it. Glass shattered and Misty screamed and his nose bled and he stepped in glass and he just didn't care as he ran through the grass, away from the cursed house. He just ran and ran and ran till he was back in the forest, and even then he continued running, even though he couldn't see a thing._

 _Completely exhausted, he fell down on the ground, and promptly fell asleep._

* * *

Keldeo nodded slowly, then he said, "Now, even after all this, you would think that the author would have the sense to not give this fanfic a lame 'it was all a dream' ending- _of course, he would!_ "

* * *

 _The next morning, he woke up, and immediately sat upright._ _What happened?_

 _Ash was just laying somewhere in a forest, next to a big path, with Pikachu curled up next to him. It was still early in the morning, and he felt like he should remember something he had forgotten._ _What was it again? A dream, a nightmare maybe?_

* * *

"And don't try and say _'oh, but maybe it wasn't a dream'-_ NO," Keldeo shook his head, "No, it was a dream. We know this because all of Ash's injuries and ripped up clothing are fixed like nothing ever happened. If I had to guess, I'd say that Ash accidentally stumbled in either Darkrai's or Marshadow's vacation home or something, and his friends were in his subconscious mind so when he was given the nightmare, it centered around them. It makes sense, I guess."

* * *

 _It was weird, but he really didn't remember anything._

* * *

"Meaning this whole story was pointless," Keldeo said in annoyance.

* * *

 _He did have the strange urge to see his old friends again though. After all, some of them he hadn't seen in years. Ash grabbed his Pokégear, flipped it open and scrolled through the numbers, stopping when a familiar name caught his eye._

 _Misty Waterflower_

 _He took a deep breath, and with trembling fingers, he pressed the call button._

 _"Hey Mist, it's me, Ash…"_

* * *

"So. . . the moral of the story is. . . that if you don't keep in constant contact with your friends. . . they'll turn into demons and kill you?" Keldeo said in utter disbelief.

Keldeo sighed and shook his head sadly, "Okay, so how does this fanfic hold up?"

Keldeo frowned and said, "Well, as a horror fanfic, it's not so good. The male demons ruin everything. Sure, Brock's design sounds creepy, but he, along with the rest of this story, has the same problem as _Cupcakes._ All the disturbing descriptions in the world can't help you if the situation is ridiculous, silly, and illogical. You can't get into those parts enough to be truly afraid. Sure, the scenes with the girls, especially May's scene, _are_ creepy; but it's all held back by Brock's cheese slicer."

"And as a parody of a horror fanfic, it fails there too _because_ of the legitimately creepy moments. If the entire thing had been silly reasoning and ridiculous attacking with Ash and Pikachu running around like Scooby Doo, then maybe that would work. But right here we have a fanfic that's half parody and half actual horror, and _that doesn't work._ "

Keldeo let out a long sigh, then he said, "So, yeah, I didn't like it. Sorry."

Keldeo then cracked a smile and said, "Well, that's the end of Gourgeist Festival Month. I hope you liked-."

Keldeo suddenly vanished into thin air.

* * *

Keldeo suddenly reappeared with a gasp, and he looked around at the surrounding forest that he was entirely unfamiliar with.

"Come and sit with me for a while."

Keldeo turned fast and saw a large white wolf sitting next to a hole that led to a small cave below, wearing a neutral expression a he stared at the Colt Pokemon.

"Oriel?" Keldeo said in amazement.

Oriel nodded his head but said nothing in response.

Keldeo slowly walked over to the wolf, and sat down next to him. Keldeo kept his eye on Oriel, and the wolf stared at him in silence.

Suddenly, Keldeo felt a bit ashamed of himself. "Uhh. . ." he said awkwardly, "I think. . . I know what you're gonna say."

"Leave the demon to his demons. Rest your own soul. There is nothing else," Oriel said.

"I knew it," Keldeo said, the ghost of a smile coming to his face.

As the pair sat in silence, Keldeo could faintly here the agonized screams of Damian Stone.

Keldeo sighed, and he jumped into the hole in front of him.

* * *

Keldeo found himself standing before the Lookout. He stared up at the top of it for a moment, specifically at the human figure within. Keldeo then closed his eyes and nodded his head.

There was a massive explosion, and the entire structure was consumed by several large fireballs just as it had been in _From Fear to Courage_.

* * *

Keldeo was back in the Moor of Icirrus, standing on his reviewing platform amid the shallow water. Keldeo opened his eyes, let out a sigh of relief, and he said with a smile, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I hope you all have a safe and happy Halloween!"

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Alvin and the Chipmunks_

 _Spooky's Jump Scare Mansion_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Ghostbusters 2_

 _At the Movies with Siskel and Ebert: Run_ (From Confused Matthew's _Minority Report_ review)

 _A Different Kind of Princess_ by Toadettegirl2012

 _What's New Scooby Doo?_

 _Five Nights at Freddy's: Ultimate Custom Night_ by Scott Cawthon

 _From Fear to Courage_ by HavocHound

 _Zuma's Courage_ by HavocHound

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _Thank you so much, HavocHound, for providing a story with a villain so despicable that he was able to act as the glue to tie this whole month together. I appreciate all the hard work you put into all the character, both from the show and original, and I hope you keep on writing awesome stories for PAW Patrol, Zootopia, and whatever else interests you._


	47. E16: Detective Pikachu Trailer Reaction

_**The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 16:** _ **Pokémon: Detective Pikachu**_ **Movie Trailer Response**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL-** **y9ssmzf3**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerfully, but then his face got serious and he said, "Well Pokemon fans, this is it. The big one. The moment of truth for the Pokemon franchise. After so many terrible, _terrible_ live action movies based off of video games, it's finally time for Pokemon to take a shot at it. But Pokemon's live action debut won't be about any of the main series games, or even about Ash. No, the first movie in the live action Pokemon cinematic universe will be _Pokémon: Detective Pikachu._ "

* * *

 _In the Pokémon universe, Tim Goodman (Justice Smith) is a failed Pokémon Trainer and the son of prominent detective Harry Goodman. When his father disappears in a car crash, Tim arrives in Ryme City and ends up meeting Detective Pikachu (Ryan Reynolds), who was Harry's former Pokémon partner. Tim is somehow able to understand the Detective and they reluctantly team up to find Harry and uncover the mystery surrounding his disappearance._

* * *

"The internet practically blew up when the trailer was released," Keldeo said, looking as if he was partially in a state of shock, "Within 24 hours, the trailer became the _top trending video on YouTube!_ The official numbers are 25 million on Facebook, 15 million on YouTube, and 6 million on Twitter. All on the very day it was released. And when I first saw the thumbnail, well, to be honest, I thought it was a joke. Like that fake _Pokemon Apokelypse_ trailer back in 2010."

Keldeo's eyes went wide as he continued to speak, "But then I clicked on it. . . and I watched it. . .and I realized that it was real. . ."

Keldeo let out a long sigh that was a mix between relief and longsuffering. Then he said, "Look, at first I was gonna do this whole crazy skit with me going crazy and stuff, but then as I saw people's reactions on YouTube and read comments, I realized that pretty much everyone who actually saw the whole trailer had the same reaction: _'I don't believe this! This is insane! Why are they doing this game first? Who asked for this? Who wants this? And it's driving me crazy how much_ _ **I want to see this movie!**_ _'_ Seriously, everyone who sees this trailer wants to see the movie! Is there some kind of subliminal message in the trailer? Or is Mr. Mime using his Psychic powers to make us want to see the movie?"

Keldeo breathed in and out through his nose, and then he said, "So, how about I just throw in my opinion just to add in my own point of view."

Keldeo nodded and said, "First of all, you might remember back in Season Two of Keldeo the Critic, I made an editorial saying how horrible a live action Pokemon movie would be." **(** _ **TinyURL:**_ **ybvqf85r)**

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Yeah, I'm kinda ashamed of that editorial. I wasn't very mature or smart in that. I basically just assumed that such a movie would be the same as the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies or the Smrufs movies, and that just wasn't fair. I also did a review of that _Pokemon Apokelypse_ trailer back then as well, which also wasn't fair, because there's no way a real live action Pokemon movie would be that bad, right?"

Keldeo's sheepish smile faded away, and he sighed and said, "Well, let's take it one thing at a time."

Keldeo nodded and said, "First off, the animation is. . . not as bad as _Pokemon Apokelypse,_ I guess. I mean, I like the way Detective Pikachu is all soft and fluffy. Emolga, Charmander, and Bulbasaur all look great too. But then. . ."

Keldeo shuddered a bit, then he said, "Okay, there's a point in the trailer where there's a balloon in the shape of a Jigglypuff. . . That balloon looks more like a real Jigglypuff than the actual Jigglypuff they give us! I mean, Jigglypuff just looks so creepy in this trailer! And why is Jigglypuff covered in fur? Jigglypuff is the balloon Pokemon! They're supposed to be smooth like balloon. Giving them ratty fur along with huge creepy eyes is just wrong. And don't get me started on Psyduck's eyes! They stare right into your soul! Ugh!"

Keldeo gained a terrified expression as he continued, "And then there's the Greninja, and that evil looking Charizard! Seriously, every single second they're on screen, it looks like they're just gonna jump out and _kill you!_ "

Then Keldeo cracked a smile and said, "But the funny thing is that it works in Mr. Mime's favor, seeing as he's always been kinda creepy."

Keldeo then got serious and said, "That being said, I mean no offense to Deviant Artist _arvalis (RJ Palmer)._ People saw his realistic Pokemon drawings and hired him to work on this movie, and that is _awesome_! This guy's the luckiest guy in the world, and all things considered, I think the designs he made for this movie are pretty cool. I might think they're scary, but that doesn't make it bad. It's just my opinion."

Keldeo seemed to regain his enthusiasm as he continued, "Now, for the story. Definitely better. No crossing into the real world or stuff like that. And no 60-year-old Ash either. It's just an adaptation of the _Detective Pikachu_ video game. This kinda ends up making the film look darker and edgier, because that's how detective stories are. But I'm sure the actual movie will balance it out with bright and cheerful moments. Kind of like _Zootopia_."

Keldeo then frowned impatiently and said, "And to all you people out there complaining that they should have used a main series game for the first Pokemon movie so we can see Red, Blue, and Giovanni on the big screen. . . well. . . yeah, they could have done that. But _Detective Pikachu_ has a more clear, concise story filled with intrigue and plot twists. This will help draw in more people so the film can make more money. If you really want a _Pokemon Red and Blue_ movie, you need to support _this_ movie first so the executives can greenlight the _Pokemon Cinematic Universe_. So stop complaining, okay?"

Keldeo then looked thoughtful and said, "You know, I actually tried the demo for _Detective Pikachu,_ but the moment Detective Pikachu spoke, I turned the game off. I couldn't take it. I just could not accept a Pikachu with a deep, gravely, scratchy voice. It just made no sense and didn't fit at all."

Keldeo smirked and said, "Hey, I know it was just a joke, but I actually think Danny DeVito actually _would_ have been a better voice for him. He has a more distinctive and comical voice that would have fit better and would not been so jarring and awkward. That's probably why he got asked to voice The Lorax."

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well, in the movie, Detective Pikachu is voiced by Ryan Reynolds. His voice just sounds better suited for the role. It's not deep and gravely like the game, and it has a comical edge to it that fits the character. It really does sound like what you'd imagine a hardboiled male Pikachu detective would sound like."

Keldeo's smile returned, and he said, "So, all in all, I really do want to see this movie. I just have to know. I mean, I never played the game so I have no clue what's gonna happen. And the trailer does show some pretty amazing stuff. Like when the ground seems to just rise up. Is it Groudon bursting out of the ground? Is a powerful Psychic-type like Mewtwo altering their perception of reality? Plus, the environments do look cool, especially with all the Pokemon walking around and interacting with real life people. Even Tim Goodman seems to be a really likeable and adorkable character that you can both sympathize with and root for. And I'm sure Charizard will provide an awesome battle."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "So, to sum it all up, _Pokemon: Detective Pikachu_ might not be the live action Pokemon movie we asked for, but it just might be the live action Pokemon movie we need."

Keldeo then grinned and said, "Hey! I even got an idea for a sequel!"

Keldeo held out his left forehoof and motion from left to right as he said, " _Pokemon: Detective Pikachu vs. Professor Meowthiarty_."

Keldeo put his hoof down said, "Hey! It could happen! I'm Keldeo the Critic and I-."

"Hey, Keldeo!" shouted a voice.

Keldeo turned and was surprised to see Ash's Pikachu running through the shallow water toward him. "Pikachu? What are you doing here?"

Pikachu jumped onto the rock platform Keldeo was standing on and said with a smile, "I heard you were making an editorial on the movie I'm starring in."

Keldeo's eyes widened in disbelief, "What!? You!?"

Pikachu nodded and said, "That's right! I did so well in Frank's Super Pikachu movie that I was asked to play Detective Pikachu! I'll be doing all the physical acting and emoting and stunts while Ryan Reynolds does the voice acting. Cool, huh."

Still confused, Keldeo tilted his head and asked, "But I met the real Detective Pikachu during my _Turnabout Legends_ review. Why didn't they just get him?"

Pikachu shook his head and said, "No, they couldn't do that. That Detective Pikachu was from the game. The game and the movie are in completely separate universes. Besides, I think I heard somewhere that he's a terrible actor."

Keldeo nodded his head and said, "Well, okay then. I suppose that makes sense. Oh, congratulations Pikachu! Ash must be really proud of you."

Pikachu smiled and blushed, rubbing the back of his head bashfully. "Yeah. . . he sure is." Pikachu's ears suddenly stood up tall as a thought suddenly struck him. "Oh! Before I forget, here are some passes for the world premiere of _Pokemon: Detective Pikachu_ for you, the Swords of Justice, and your friends!"

Keldeo looked down in awe at the 7 tickets Pikachu put on the ground in front of him. "Wow! This is so great! Thank you so much, Pikachu!"

Pikachu nodded and said, "No problem, Keldeo. I'm sure you'll all just love it. Well, I've got some more stops to make. I need to give passes to Meloetta, Zorua and Zoroark, and a bunch more friend I've made over the years. See you soon, Keldeo!"

Pikachu jumped off the platform and ran off shouting, "Hoopa! Get another ring ready for me!"

After Pikachu left, Keldeo smiled gleefully and said, "Well, I guess I _gotta_ see it, now! That's fine by me! I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I hope you all see it too!"

* * *

 _ **The film will be distributed outside of Japan and China by Warner Bros. Pictures on May 10, 2019.**_

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _Pokemon: Detective Pikachu Trailer_ **(TinyURL: ybszkx68)**

 _Pokemon Apokelypse FAKE Trailer_ **(TinyURL: y9qqanr2)**

 _arvalis (RJ Palmer) on DeviantArt_ **(TinyURL: y9j4tblu)**

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _Wikipedia_

 _TinyURL_


	48. Illusion Fox Review: The Grinch (2018)

Zorua was sitting comfortably under a Pecha Berry tree decorated like a Christmas tree. The tune _"We Wish You a Merry Christmas"_ was playing softly in the background.

Zorua smiled and said calmly, "Greetings, my friends, and welcome to a "Zorua Christmas Review."

* * *

 _ **Zorua Christmas Review**_

* * *

Zorua nodded and said, "Today, we are going to look at Illumination's _The Grinch._ "

* * *

 _ **The Grinch (2018)**_

* * *

"There's this guy, called The Grinch, and he- I CAN'T CONTAIN IT ANYMORE, THIS MOVIE WAS SO AWESOME!"

Zorua jumped around excitedly and said, " _ **OH MY GOSH!**_ This is the _greatest_ Christmas movie I've ever seen in my life!"

Zorua swayed back and forth and sang, " _You're a mean one! Mr.-_ _**SPOILERS**_ _!_ "

Zorua nodded and said gleefully, "There's this guy, called The Grinch, and he- WAIT!"

Zorua held up his right forepaw and said with a frown, "No, I can't do it like that either. I mean, this movie is _special._ Everyone remembers how _horrible_ that live action Grinch movie with that creepy Jim Carrey guy that Universal made was. But then Illumination shows up and is like: _'Your movie stank, Universal! It was rude and evil and creepy and bad! You took the pure heartwarming gem that Dr. Seuss created and turned it into something ugly and unclean! You horrible, evil, people! So sit down and watch and learn while we make a_ _ **good**_ _remake of How The Grinch Stole Christmas!'_ "

Zorua breathed out loudly and panted as he continued, "This movie. . . really made me feel good inside. It gave me hope that big companies can still make truly good movie adaptions or reboots and not just cover what was already good with toilet humor, stupid jokes, and pop cultural references and throw at us. This movie actually treated the audience like they were smart, and respected the source material. It totally made up for that horrible _Lorax_ movie they made. I completely forgive them for that. Right now, I want to pay my respects to something that good. I want to go beyond what I've been doing and actually say something that means something and-."

Zorua froze, and he said, "Huh? Since when did I learn to talk so eloquee-. . . eloduin-. . . with such detail and thought and stuff. Usually I'm just like _'Oh this happened. and that happened, and he was like, and she was like, and that was dumb, and that was werird, and that was awesome, and I did that once, and-.'_."

Zorua froze a second time, and he held out his right foreleg to stare at it in shock. "Why am I _glowing_?" he asked nervously.

The glow coming from Zorua's body intensified, and soon he was completely enveloped in the light. His body began to grow and change shape. His arms and legs got longer, and he was standing up tall on his hind legs. Then, with a final flash, a Zoroark now stood beneath the decorated Pecha Berry tree.

Zoroark stared at his claws in amazement, then he laughed aloud as he pumped his arms in the air. "YES! YES! YES! WOO! WOO! WOO!" he cheered as loud as he could. Then jumped up into the air, flipping once, and landed solidly on his feet, all the while grinning widely as joy filled his eyes.

The newly evolved Zoroark let out a loud laugh that was both youthful and scratchy at the same time. Then he smiled and pointed with his right claw and said, "Hey, I'm Zoroark! I'm an Illusion Fox, and I got a review for yooooouuuuuu!"

* * *

 _ **Illusion Fox Reviews**_

* * *

"I've matured!" Zoroark said proudly, "Yep! I'm bigger, stronger, and smarter now! Training with my mom and listening to Keldeo's analysises-. . . analysi-. . . Aw, whatever. I'm _waaaay_ better at talking about movies and TV shows now!"

"Today we're talking about Illumination's _The Grinch_! There will be spoilers, so go away if you haven't seen it."

Zoroark frowned and folded his arms and said in all seriousness, "Seriously. Go away. Watch the movie first. Please. This movie needs to be seen unspoiled to be appreciated."

Zoroark then nodded and smiled eagerly, "Okay! So, let's do this! First of all, the trailers for this movie actually tricked me, _twice_. Like, the first one made me think that it was gonna have Bob Malone's cover of _You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch_ in it, but then they put this new remix of the song in the movie."

Zoroark grinned sheepishly and said, "And the weird thing is that I didn't actually mind the remix. In fact, I kind of liked it."

Zoroark held up his claws and said, "I know! I know! But it was a clever way of remixing the song, and it was still catchy in a new way that showed that they were trying to be creative. It wasn't lazy, and that's important."

"Anyway, the second time the trailers tricked was that it showed The Grinch eating all this spaghetti and I thought, _'Oh, he's trying to make himself fat so he can impersonate Santa Claus.'_ But nope! That scene turns out to be completely unrelated to his plan. That eating scene was actually a flashback where he's depressed and eating his feelings. Yeah, that ties in to how this movie actually tries to _expand_ upon the source material, not just adapt it. This movie gives us _a reason why_ for The Grinch's character. But more on that later."

Zoroark's eyes lit up and he said, "First of all, this movie is gorgeous! It really captures the environments and tone of a Dr. Seuss book. The animals, the houses, the movement of the characters, the colors, there was just always so much to look at. Seriously, that opening scene is a banquet for the eyes! It's like a _Where's Waldo_ book, there's just so much to see. It's also like a _Redwall_ book because of how good all the food looks! YUM! Seriously, this was just a pleasure to look at and puts both Blue Sky's _Horton Hears and Who_ and Illumination's _The Lorax_ to shame in the creativity department."

Zoroark nodded and said, "Okay, so, the next thing this movie does right is The Grinch's character. First, they actually show him being mean _before_ the whole stealing Christmas thing. He has to go into Whovile to buy groceries, and while he's there he's knocking down snowmen, breaking stuff, launching Whos like they're Team Rocket, and he smiles as he does it. Then afterwards he's like _'We did mean things and looked good doing it! Good job, Max!'_ Showing us that The Grinch really is mean make it more believable for him to hate Christmas enough to steal it from the Whos, especially when we see his backstory."

"That's right, the movie truly shows exactly _why_ he's so mean, and it's honestly kind of predictable. Yeah, it's your classic Freudian Excuse. He grew up as an orphan and ran away, but at least they gave us _a_ reason. But you see, the movie doesn't go crazy with it and add tons of stupid subplots like the live action one did. There's no bullies or abuse or violent rampages or love triangles with the evil mayor or anything stupid like that. It's kept simple, while also using visuals, color, and lighting to make it emotionally impactful. And the movie also expands on it by having The Grinch be green with envy- _pun intended-_ whenever he sees Who families enjoying themselves. There's also this clever thing they do with a reindeer that the Grinch captures, which was kinda confusing to me at first, because isn't Max supposed to be the reindeer? So, anyway, the reindeer does some cute and funny things and The Grinch and Max really bond with him; but then the reindeer's mate and child show up, so The Grinch has to let him go, and it's actually a pretty sad and emotionally scene when taken in context."

Zoroark's eyes got wide and he said, "But then. . . they do something that just blew my mind!"

Zoroark grinned widely and said, "They made him Batman. . . No, seriously, The Grinch is _Batman!_ You know that coffee machine from the teaser trailer? Well, that's nothing compared to the other stuff The Grinch invents! He turns Max into a flying drone with camera and stuff, and he has all of these screens he uses to catalogue all of the houses he has to rob. Then when we actually get to the Christmas stealing sequence, it is just AWESOME! He's got grappling hooks, a candy cane propeller for flying, ninja stars that can wrap up Christmas trees, candy cane net launchers, candy cane electro magnets, even his sleigh has all of these extra mods on it so that it can move across the rooftops and stuff. It is just so cool! Seriously, he doesn't even get stuck in any chimneys in this movie."

Zoroark put his claws on his head and said, "I mean, it's just mind-blowing! It's like the writers all sat down and were like, _'Okay. So, how can we make the idea of one guy robbing over two hundred houses in one night_ _ **possible**_ _?'_. And they did it! With all the gadgets The Grinch had, it actually seems scientifically possible that one guy could have done this and gotten away with it."

Zoroark put his claws down and said with a grin, "Oh, and he _would_ have gotten away with it, if it weren't for that meddling Cindy Lou Who!"

Zoroark's smile got warmer and he said, "Yeah, it turns out that when you do the math, we spend about a third of this movie with Cindy Lou Who and her friends and family. Now, some might complain that Cindy Lou is too sweet and perfect, but that's why it was important for the movie to show how horribly rotten and mean The Grinch was, because Cindy Lou is actually a _**foil**_ to The Grinch. She's not quite his opposite, they're kinda like two sides of the same coin. Like, if The Grinch had a family and Cindy Lou didn't, their roles would be reversed. And that's the reason why she's able to get him to see the light in the end. He was convinced that Christmas was all about greed, but when Cindy Lou talks about how she wants her mother to be happy more than she wants presents, that actually touches his heart even before he sees that all the Whos are singing without their presents and decorations."

Zoroark laughed a bit and said, "Oh yeah, and then we've got her four friends, and they all managed to leave an impression, even though they didn't have much screen time. Seriously, they needed more screen time. We had the best friend, the smart girl, and two tough guys I think . . . _**Rrrr!**_ We needed more time with them! I wouldn't mind if this movie had been a half hour longer if it meant we could've gotten to know them better."

Zoroark scratched his arms nervously and he said, "And, another thing, and maybe I was just reading too deeply into it. But, you see, there's this subplot of Cindy Lou's mother having little time to do anything and is kinda stressed out form taking care of three kids all by herself; yeah, she's a single mom, the dad isn't even mentioned. Anyway, Cindy Lou feels bad that her mom is working so hard but still puts on a smile to hide how stressed out she is, so she wants to ask Santa if he could help her mom in some way, which leads to her catching The Grinch during his robberies. And then near the finale, after The Grinch hearts grows three sizes and all that stuff, there's this quick scene where The Grinch see's Cindy Lou's mother struggling to get the Christmas dinner ready, and he goes in and helps her. . . I mean. . . It's quick but. . . Is the movie suggesting that . . ."

Zoroark tossed his arms up into the air and said, "Look, maybe I'm overthinking it! I could be completely wrong. After all, not even the idea of having a father is mentioned by Cindy Lou or the mom, so maybe I am just going too far with it. Watch the movie yourselves and draw your own conclusions."

Zoroark then put his arms down and chuckled before saying, "Wow. Cindy Lou Who has gone from the easily fooled little girl that The Grinch gave a pat on the head and a cup of water to, to a major character in the story! I doubt that Dr. Seuss could have ever predicted that!

Zoroark then frowned and looked around awkwardly as he continued, "Nor could he have predicted all the _bad_ stuff that has happened to his stories and characters over the years, but let's not focus on that."

Zoroark shrugged, and he said, "Now, I'm actually not gonna talk about the way the ending was changed and expanded. I really don't want to spoil that. But I have to say that I liked the way it was handled. It was more detailed, more realistic, and had a lot more emotional weight, depth, and impact than the original's: _'The Grinch gave everything back,_ _ **one thing led to another**_ _, and then he carved the roast beast.'_ "

Zoroark gave a nod of certainty and said, "This movie was actually _more meaningful_ than the original book and cartoon, and that is an amazing accomplishment. There were also a few other funny gags and scenes with The Grinch, other characters, and Cindy Lou's friends that were pretty good, which I shall not spoil. But there were a couple of rough spots. For instance, you remember how that video of the screaming goat went viral, and how everyone was using that in commercials in stuff."

Zoroark grabbed both his ears and growled, " _ **Grrrrr!**_ That stupid goat is in this movie! Sure, I guess he kinda served a purpose in _one_ of the scenes he's in, but that is just such an old meme! it's annoying! And there are a few pieces of cheap, lame humor that I could've done without, but it's nothing as bad as that horrible live action movie."

Zoroark let go of his ears and smiled in contentment and said, "I also like how the Whos have gone back to being generally friendly and happy, and _not_ materialistic. I know that in the live action one, it was like they needed The Grinch to steal everything to teach them a lesson. But here, it's made clear that the Whos _do_ know the true meaning of Christmas. Heck, they even sing Christmas carols about Jesus two times in this movie! No kidding, they really do, and it was wonderful! Anyway, they still understand that it's all just stuff and that it's just there way of celebrating a holiday that is already meaningful without all that stuff. They're just using the stuff to express their happiness. So, this returns the story to its original intention of having The Grinch learn the lesson, not help teach it, which is how it should be."

Zoroark nodded and said, "You know what? The true problem of this movie was _time_. If it had been maybe at least 2 hours and 15 minutes long, we might have been able to see more of what was awesome. There's nothing wrong with a two-hour Christmas movie if it's pretty enough to look at and written well. But what we got was still really good and fun and was a very good adaptation and expansion of something that was already good. So yeah, this is definitely a movie you gotta see."

Zoroark stood smiling for a moment, then he started rolling his arms and dancing as he sang, " _You're a mean one. . . You really are a heeeeeeeel!_ Ah-ha-ha-ha! I like that remix!"

Zoroark then clicked his claw nails together nervously and said, "And, uh, hey? Illumination? I know that when animated movies are release on DVD, there's usually a bonus short film added to the disk, or something a short film is released later on. Like _The Smurfs: A Christmas Carol_ or _Trolls Holiday._ So, I was thinking that, maybe you could try and remake a certain Halloween Special?"

Zoroark held his arms out and stomped the ground in rhythm as he sang, " _Euchariah!_ _Euchariah! Grinch is gonna get ya! Grinch is gonna get ya!_ "

Zoroark suddenly stopped and put his claws on his stomach as he laughed at his own antics.

Zoroark pointed with his right claw and said, "Now I wanna hear from _you_. What did _you_ think of Illumination's _The Grinch_? Did you like it better than the original cartoon, or is the old one still number one in your mind? Be sure to Follow and Favorite, you won't regret it!"

Zoroark then seemed to notice his claw for the first time. He examined it briefly, then broke out into a big grin and said, "Hey! Night Slash! _**Raaaar!**_ "

Zoroark stepped forward and Night Slashed at the camera.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _Bum Reviews_ by Doug Walker

 _Black Nerd Comedy_ by Andre

 _Tolls Holiday_ by Dreamworks

 _The Smurfs: A Christmas Carol_ by Sony Pictures Animation

 _Halloween is Grinch Night (1977)_

 _Bulbapedia_


	49. Back In Time: Arc 1 - The Adventure

" _Present day, in a modern city. . . I, Dr. Comb, evil time travel scientist, invented the world's first time machine! But a foolish bunny police officer wanting to watch a movie with a fox was caught up in my experiments."_

" _After capturing that bunny, we tore open a portal in time and flung her into the past, where the law does not exist. Now the fool seeks to return to the past. . . and undo the evil that is EVIL SCIENCE!"_

 _Watch out!_

 _Judy Hopps!_

 _Back to the present! Judy Hopps!_

 _Hopps, Hopps, Hopps!_

 _Hopps, Hopps!_

 _Watch out!_

* * *

 _ **BOOOOOM!**_

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

 _ **I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'M NEVER GIVING IN!  
ON WITH THE SHOW!**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

 _ **I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!  
On. . . with the show. . .**_

 _ **On. . . with the show. . .**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.

 _ **SHOW!**_

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 17: Back In Time: Arc 1 – The Adventure by KaraTheFangirl**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL- yarbb42q**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo greeted with a friendly smile, then he asked, "Do you all remember _this_ unfinished atrocity?"

* * *

 _"I'm Pinkie Pie and this is..." Pinkie waved her hooves at the shy Pegasus, motioning her to introduce herself._

 _"F..luttershy." Fluttershy said extremely quietly._

 _"What?" Sid asked, not hearing her. "Fluttershy." Her voiced cracked. Fluttershy was naturally very shy, her voice usually cracked up at saying her own name to new ponies, or in this case sloths. Sid blew a raspberry trying to pronounce her name._

 _"Is that your name?" He asked idiotically._

* * *

"Would you like to see the same thing only with Judy Hopps from _Zootopia_?" Keldeo asked in fake eagerness.

There was the sound of a crowd booing, but Keldeo stood up straight and shouted frusteratedly, silencing the booing as well, "Well TOO BAD! I suffered through it and now you're gonna suffer with me! This is _Back In Time_ by KaraTheFangirl!"

* * *

 _ **Back In Time: Arc 1 - The Adventure**_

 _By: KaraTheFangirl_

 _Judy is kidnapped by scientists who use her as a guinea pig for their time machine, and is sent back to live in the Ice Age... Or rather, the world beneath. With no way back home and having to put her trust in a more then slightly unhinged weasel, she wonders how long she'll last. Arc 1 of a 3 part series. Takes place some time after Ice Age 3, but just before Ice Age 4._

* * *

"Now, this story is kind of a weird case for me," Keldeo explained thoughtfully, "Normally, I only review an unfished fanfic if it's dead. You know, abandoned for over a year with no updates. That's how I was able to review that horrible _My Little Pony Ice Age_ fanfic. But this story actually got an update back in October. So, why am I reviewing it?"

Keldeo nodded his head a few times in thought, and he continued, "Well, you see, it turns out that the first chapter of this story was published back in August 18th, and it only got it's second chapter on October 25th. That's two months to write one chapter. _Two months a chapter_! And the chapters aren't even that long! They're, like, less than 2,000 words each, and trust me, that is _not_ very long. If anyone would know, it would be me. And this story is supposed to be just part one of a trilogy? Gosh! At this rate, we will have all finished _Half-Life 4: Episode 2_ by the time this story is completed! And since people's lives tend to get busier as they get older, there's a good chance that Kara might never finish this fanfic at the rate she's going."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "Now, I'm not trying to be mean here. I'm not trying to put Kara down or rush her. If she wants to take her time writing it, that's fine. I'm just saying that this is quite the interesting case, especially when you consider the similarities between this and that _My Little Pony Ice Age_ fanfic I reviewed."

Keldeo put his hoof back down and shrugged as he said, "So, here I am. Reviewing what I actually kinda hope is an in-progress fanfic. I really do want Kara to continue and eventually finish this, if only to see how the first impression stacks up to the finished product."

Keldeo gave a determined nod and said, "So, yeah! That's what this review is all about. It's to get more people talking about this strange crossover so that Kara might decide to start working on it more often, while also trying to figure out if this is a story worth following. So, if you like what you see, be sure to head over to the fanfic and leave some reviews, or maybe even head to her profile page and drop her a few PMs!"

Keldeo had a big grin on his face, and his tail swung back and forth with excitement as he said, "Seriously, this could be the start of something really great here. Maybe it could be a semi-regular thing where I find a fanfic that hasn't been updated in a while and give it a review as a way of promoting it! That sounds cool!"

Keldeo reigned himself in and said, "But, let's not get ahead of ourselves, and just focus on the fanfic in front of us. Right. Here we go. Trade you Fox Away and carrot pen for laughing gas and an acorn. This is _Back In Time: Arc 1 - The Adventure_."

"So the story opens up with-."

 _ **Voice of Reason:**_ _"Wow! Zero seconds! It took zero seconds to find fault! That's a new Academy record! . . . And you all thought that meme was dead."_

Keldeo frowned and said, "Yeah, we kinda start this review on a bad note because the way this crossover is set up isn't really possible. You see, the idea of _Ice Age_ taking place in _Zootopia's_ distant past doesn't work because according to the teaser trailer, in _Zootopia,_ human never happened. Not _they once were but are not anymore_. No, they _never happened._ Humans never existed. But in _Ice Age,_ humans _do_ exist. I know the first _Ice Age_ movie feels like forever ago, but it's still there. So, yeah, _Ice Age_ and _Zootopia_ are two separate universes. So a time machine wouldn't work. Now, if it were explained that the machine can travel between universe as well as through time, that would work. But nope! Just time travel! Deduct a point for not following the rules of the _Zootopia_ canon!"

Keldeo breathed out and breathed in, then he said, "Okay then, now, how about we actually begin the story?"

* * *

 _Judy Hopps had just got off duty and, like she had that morning to work, she decided she'd walk back home. That summer day had been deathly hot, but the evening was beautiful. The sun had almost completely set over the city of Zootopia, the noise died down and bustling traffic almost nonexistent. Her phone dinged, and Judy checked her texts, smiling in amusement when she saw who the sender was._

 _ **Nick:**_

 _ **Hey Carrots! U home yet?**_

 _Nick Wilde always made sure she got home safe. He'd joined the ZPD a few months earlier, and it had been a little over a year since the Nighthowler case._

* * *

"Then why aren't they leaving work together?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "I mean, they're partners on the ZPD, so why are they not leaving work at the same time? Sure, they probably live some distance away from each other, but then how did Nick get home so fast?"

Keldeo's eyes widened, and he said, "Ooooh! Wait! I know! It's so Judy can get kidnapped! Of course! Plot convenience! Sorry! My bad!"

* * *

 _To reassure her fox friend of her safety, she texted a reply back as she turned onto her street._

 ** _Judy:_**

 ** _Just one block to go. :) You still on for that movie marathon this weekend?_**

 ** _Nick:_**

 ** _Of course! And I'll bring the popcorn! ;) What flavor u want, buttered or caramel?_**

* * *

"And that's the last we're gonna hear of Nicholas P. Wilde in this fanfic!" Keldeo said with a ridiculous grin, "And, yeah, I know this fanfic is unfinished, but seriously, if Judy is gonna go back in time and we're gonna follow her adventures, how does Nick have any bearing on the plot? He doesn't. None. Not a bit. He is completely cut off from Judy in this fanfic. It makes you wonder what the point of including him as one of the listed characters was."

 ** _Director:_** _"CUT! Okay, good job, Nick. You can go."_

 ** _Nick:_** _"When do I come back?"_

 ** _Director:_** _"Never. That's the last time you interact with Judy in this story."_

 ** _Nick:_** _". . . Wait, what?"_

 ** _Director:_** _"Well, she's gonna go back in time, so, how are you gonna interact with her when she's in the Ice Age? It's just common sense, Nick."_

 ** _Nick:_** _". . . Excuse me. . . I am listed as one of the characters in this story. My name is right_ ** _there_** _. . . I mean. . . I didn't even talk to Carrots face to face. . . I just_ ** _texted_** _her! You could have gotten anybody to do that! YOU could have done that! What was even the point of having me here!? Is this a hustle? No, it can't be, because I'm still getting paid for this, so what's the point of me even being in this story?!"_

* * *

 _Before she could send back a reply, a large furry arm suddenly wrapped around her middle, holding her arms down and sending her phone flying from her paws. Another large paw was also closed over her mouth, smothering her with a moist cloth._

* * *

"Now, I _wanted_ to complain about how Judy gets captured so easily and becomes a damsel in distress, and how that flies in the face of her strong, courageous character," Keldeo explained, then he said eagerly, "I mean, come on, this bunny took down a rhino in a boxing ring!"

Keldeo nodded and continued, "But to be fair, the assailant did use chloroform to knock her out. Yeah, I know it takes five minutes in real life, but we can excuse the poetic license. Anyway, Judy was caught off guard here and was knocked out with chemicals, so I'll accept it. Nobody is one hundred percent, after all."

"So when Judy wakes up, she finds herself tied up and muzzled by two _eeeeevil_ scientists."

* * *

 _She finally managed to open her eyes through the harsh light, and saw an ocelot, a honey badger, and a leopard standing before her, the ocelot and badger in white lab coats with nametags on the pockets. The ocelot's tag said "DR. ROSE PROWLSTON", the honey badger's "DR. AJAX COMB"._

* * *

"Wait! Wait, wait, wait," Keldeo said in disbelief, " _Ajax Comb_? What kind of name is that? I mean, you take the brand name of dish soap and combine it with a hair care tool? Seriously, both Dr. _Eggman_ and Dr. _Doofensmirtz_ are laughing at that name!"

* * *

 _The moment Dr. Comb's eyes landed on Judy, he suddenly whipped around to the leopard with a screech._

 _"'SHE'S SMALL?! NO ONE WILL NOTICE HER MISSING'?! YOU IDIOT, THAT'S JUDY HOPPS! THE WORLD WILL BE LOOKING FOR HER!"_

 _The leopard flinched away from the honey badger, genuinely terrified. With a soft mutter of "My bad," he quickly left the room. Dr. Comb groaned, running a hand down his face._

* * *

 _ **WAH-WAH-WAAAAAAAHHHH!**_

Keldeo gave a goofy smile and shrugged.

* * *

 _"Well, we can't let her go now. She'll get the whole ZPD on our tails. Rose, get her ready." With that, Dr. Combs left the room in a huff._

 _Judy glared as the ocelot approached her and removed the muzzle._

 _"You will be locked up for this," The bunny snapped in a low, dangerous tone._

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed and said, "Judy, you've been captured, and nobody knows where you are. If you're gonna try to make a threat, say something cool and clever, like, _'I'm gonna escape. I always escape.'_ Because right now, you sound like a Saturday morning cartoon."

* * *

 _"Don't make a fuss, and you and your family will be okay."_

 _The ocelot pulled a tablet out of her pocket, logging on before flipping the screen around to show Judy a picture of some of her younger siblings playing at a park back in BunnyBurrow. Judy froze._

 _"W-what?"_

 _"Cooperate, and I'll call off the sniper."_

* * *

Keldeo's raised his eyebrows and said, "This _would_ have been a dramatic moment and good example of savvy on the villains' part." Keldeo then frowned and said, "The problem is that we just established that the villains weren't _trying_ to capture Judy Hopps, and that she was caught by _mistake_. Heck, the way Dr. Soap Hair Untangler flipped out indicated that capturing Judy was the _last_ thing they wanted to do! So how do they suddenly have a sniper watching the Hopps family all the way in Bunny Burrow? Were they planning to do something to Judy later on or something? This just isn't possible! I mean, if Dr. Rose had just said that they'd _send_ a gunman or bomber to Bunny Burrow instead, that would make more sense than, _'Oh, we conveniently have a sniper there for some reason.'_ "

"Well, either way, the threat works, and Judy has to change into a white jumpsuit, which make me wish this were a _Portal_ crossover instead. . ."

Keldeo's voice trailed off, and his eyes glazed over as he mused, "Wow. . . that sounds awesome. Judy Hopps jumping through portals, dodging turret fire, flying through the air using Aerial Faith Plates, exchanging some back and forth with GLaDOS. Maybe Nick could show up and they could do the Cooperative Testing Initiative and-."

Keldeo snapped back to reality and said, "Ugh, I'm getting off topic. Come on, stay focused, stay focused."

* * *

 _Judy felt stupid and weak. This ocelot was unarmed, while she was a trained cop. She could take her down….she should… But she didn't. She now had confirmation that this cat had communication to the outside. Whether or not she'd just spoken the possible sniper racked at Judy's brain._

* * *

Keldeo frowned and nodded in agreement, "I know, situations like this _stink_! Like, in a game where you're locked in a cutscene, but you can't do anything because it's a cutscene! Like that part in _Metroid: Other M._ "

* * *

 _Rose took hold of her upper arm and led her out of the room and down a long hallway. The next room they entered had all sorts of security screens and whatnot, and a large window next to them revealed a large white room._

 _In the large white room sat an egg shaped…pod? Judy didn't know what to call it. It sat on it's side, on table like legs, with a ramp that went up into an opening._

 _"You're a guinea pig. You're going back in time. Congratulations."_

 _Judy suddenly looked up, mind clear and fear making her fur stand up. She was being taken up the ramp into the pod._

 _"W-WAIT! How do you know it won't just disintegrate me?!"_

" _We don't. That's why you're our test subject,"_ _said Ajax's voice through a speaker._

* * *

"So Judy has no choice but to be thrown into the time machine, and, of course, it works."

* * *

 _Inside the pod, Judy began to panic, hyperventilating as she struggled to push the door open. Of course, the automatic door held firm. Suddenly, the pod began vibrating, and she felt sick to her stomach. She fell to the floor, squeezing her eyes shut against the nausea._

 _Just as suddenly as it had begun, it all stopped and the door reopened._

 _Judy looked up, but instead of the expected white room there was a large, snow covered forest._

* * *

Victini suddenly flew in wearing a top hat and a bow tie and said into a microphone he held in one hand, "And now it's time to play. . . _HOW TO NOT BE AN IDIOT!_ "

Game show style music played as Victini flew down to Keldeo's side and held up a small card.

"Alright, Keldeo, are you ready for your question?" Victini said dramatically.

Keldeo nodded and said, "I sure am, Victini."

"Alright! Here is your question!" Victini said, and he read off of the card, " _'You have been forced to enter a time machine and have been sent to an unknown time and place. Do you: A- Exit the time machine and thus destroy your only chance at going home in the likely event it gets activated and leaves without you. Or B- Secure yourself within the time machine and spend time studying it for clues.'_."

Keldeo frowned in thought, and he tapped his hooves on the ground. "Hmmm. . . Okay. . . I think I'll go with. . . B!"

"CORRECT!" Victini exclaimed as bell ran out wildly.

Keldeo backflipped joyously and said, "Woo-hoo! Alright! What did I win?"

"You've won. . . proof that you're not an idiot," Victini said with a shrug, and flew off.

Keldeo blinked his awkwardly, and he remarked, "That was weird."

Keldeo shook off his befuddlement, and he said, "Well, as you can probably guess from that whole skit, Judy decides to be an idiot and chooses option A."

* * *

 _The sound of a sudden clack brought her out of her awe, and she turned to see that she'd left the pod and stepped off the ramp._

 _The ramp, of which, was retracting. And the door was closing._

 _"NO! WAIT!"_

 _Flickering like a broken streetlight, the pod suddenly vanished._

* * *

"And here we have another bit of confusion regarding our villains," Keldeo said, "Was this part of the plan? I mean, did they want Judy to exit the time machine and get stranded in the past? I mean, the door opened, and you'd think that if they didn't want her to leave they would have made it so that the door didn't open automatically. But if the machine comes back empty, how are they supposed to know if the test subject survived the time travel?! Seriously, first they hire this stupid thug who kidnaps a hero cop loved all over the world, and then they can't even run a scientific experiment properly? What kind of evil scientists are these? What kind of _scientists_ are these, _**period**_ _!_ "

Keldeo's frown deepened and he said, "Oh yeah, and let's not forget. . ."

 _ **Director:**_ _"Okay, you two are done! Goodbye!"_

 _ **Dr. Rose:**_ _"But we're the villains!"_

 _ **Director:**_ _"But you don't really matter now that Judy's not even in your time period anymore."_

 _ **Dr. Comb:**_ _"OH, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!"_

"Come to think of it, wouldn't it have made more sense if the time machine crash landed and caught fire or something instead?" Keldeo suggested, "Then not only would we get a cool action scene, but we wouldn't have to see Judy looking like an idiot, which she is not! Seriously, this fanfic bends over backwards just to make Judy Hopps look stupid, helpless, and weak; which is literally the opposite of who she's supposed to be!"

"So now I suppose the adventure finally begins," Keldeo said, "And I predict that the first event will be the obvious choice of a pack of _evil_ sabretooth tigers-."

* * *

 _She only had a split second to react as a pair of wild, golden eyes suddenly appeared, and a large wolf head full of sharp teeth went straight for her._

 _With a shriek, Judy dodged the direwolf and ran for her life, the canine's hot breath panting on her heels. Another direwolf joined the first, the two of them hunting the terrified bunny as they crowded her into a tight narrow path._

* * *

"What!? Direwolves? From _Game of Thrones_?" Keldeo said in shock, "Hold on, let me look this up."

Keldeo search the internet with his laptop, and a look of intrigue came over him. "Huh. How about that. Direwolves are actually an extinct species of giant wolves that lived a long time ago. Huh. I learned something new today."

Keldeo looked up from his laptop, shrugged, and said, "So Judy runs, runs, runs. . . Runs, runs, runs. . . Runs, runs, runs, runs, runs."

Keldeo sighed in annoyance and said, "You know, this is kind of another missed opportunity for a cool action scene. Like, maybe Judy could have bounded off the trees, swung on branches, maybe kicked one of the wolves in the face. Couldn't we have gotten something more than just running?"

* * *

 _Judy reached the open space, but suddenly found her feet sliding and she lost her balance, sliding a few feet before stopping. No longer hearing the panting breaths of the wolves in her ears, she took a moment to catch her breath before looking up._

 _A couple meters away, close to the tree line, the two wolves paced hungrily, growling nastily._

 _Judy had to let slip a relieved giggle. "I-I'm alive!"_

* * *

"Why does Judy keep saying the wrong type of quips?" Keldeo complained, "That's the kind of thing you say after you've gone through a dangerous stunt. Like after you dived away from a bomb right before it exploded, or after you've jumped off a cliff and somehow managed to land safely in a pile of snow or something, or if a group opens fire on you and you manage to avoid getting hit. When you outrun or escape something that's chasing you, you're supposed to say _'I made it'_ or _'Got away safely. . .'_ or something like that. Seriously, why is everything about Judy so. . . _off_ in this story?"

* * *

 _A crackling noise underfoot immediately brought her good mood crashing down, and she looked to her feet._

 _Ice. Sheet thin too, but all she could see though it was a foggy white._

 _"Oh no….nonononononono_ _NO-_ "

 _The ice broke, and she gave a loud scream as she fell to her presumed death._

* * *

 _ **Phoenix Wright:**_ _"OBJECTION!"_

Keldeo slammed his forehooves down hard on the rock platform, and the music _Pursuit ~ Cornered (Variation)_ from _Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney_ played as he spoke fiercely.

"This is so ridiculously implausible and improbable that it's pretty much _impossible_!" Keldeo shouted, "From what we see in _Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs,_ the layer of ice that separates the dinosaur world from the surface world is _not_ sheet thin. It is a solid, thick layer of ice, and it is _essential_ for it to be a solid, thick layer because that ice is what keeps the 'atmosphere' of the underground dinosaur world contained. During all of the officially _**canon**_ times when that layer of ice _is_ breached, it is always the result of a strong, direct, and focused impact to it. Such as when Scrat falls from a great height and hits the ice at terminal velocity, or when a large chunk of solid rock is blasted straight up at great speed by volcanic forces and strikes the ice from below. In addition, Scrat is shown to be physically unable to breach the ice at the end of _Ice Age 3._ Also, it would be wise to take into account the fact that Judy Hopps is a female bunny, and therefore, would weight virtually nothing! The average bunny weighs 5 to 8 pounds, which would hardly be enough to break through the ice, especially considering that Judy simply stands in one place and exerts no force on the ice under than that of gravity, which would simply not be enough to breach the ice!"

The music faded away, and Keldeo stopped a moment to catch his breath, then he said, "You know who could've actually fixed this scene, or at least make it a little bit better?"

Keldeo closed his eyes and shook his head, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but. . . _Scrat_."

Munna, Victini, and Floyd all rushed in around Keldeo and gasped in disbelief.

Keldeo opened his eyes and nodded, "I know, I know. I'm sure we all remember how much I went on about Scrat during my review of _My Little Pony Ice Age._ "

Victini nodded vigorously and said, "Heck yeah! I've still got that huge, ginormous book of insulting names for him that you came up with!"

Keldeo ignored Victini and said, "But remember, the actually problem I had was that Applejack wasn't really interacting with Scrat in any meaningful way and had no real effect on the events at all, because that fanfic was sticking way too close to the _Ice Age_ script. If something _new_ was done, it would have been better. The same applies to this fanfic here. Maybe Judy can see Scrat trying to pack his acorn into the ground like he always does, and since she's your friendly neighborhood cop that wants to make the world a better place, she decides that the time period doesn't matter to her duty, so she decides to help Scrat. Then she could do that foot thumping thing on the acorn to push it down into the ice, and then _that_ causes the ice to break and drops her both down into dinosaur world. Not only would that make more sense and _not_ fly in the face of what we've clearly seen in the movie, but it would also fit with the theme and tone of the _Ice Age_ franchise while also staying true to Judy's character and cleverly referencing a scene from _Zootopia_. Plus, it would actually be kinda funny, to be honest. I mean, just think of it! We _could've_ gotten a scene like _this_ :"

 _Judy stared at the strange, saber-toothed, squirrel-like mammal as it tried in desperation to force the acorn into the ground. As the mammal struggled to store it's nut, Judy couldn't help but feel pity for the small creature. Just for that moment, Judy forgot about her own plight as her strong sense of civic duty brought on a desire to help this mammal in need. It didn't matter if it was the Modern Age or the Ice Age, she was a cop, and her mission was to make the world a better place for everyone she met._

 _Judy gave a determined nod, and she walked over to the saber-toothed squirrel as it tried in vain to forcefully screw the acorn down into the ice._

" _Excuse me, sir?" she asked with a smile on her face and in a friendly manner._

 _The squirrel stopped what it was doing and finally noticed the bunny. He eyed Judy suspiciously, his nose twitching nervously as he stood close to his acorn._

 _Judy kept smiling as she approached. She stood close by and pointed down at the acorn in the ice and said, "I can help you with that."_

 _The squirrel just cocked his head at Judy quizzically._

" _It's not trouble at all," she said, her ears perked up as she raised her right foot and slowly placed it onto the acorn. She then rapidly tapped her foot down on the acorn, quickly pushing it down all the way into the ice._

 _The squirrel looked between the acorn and the bunny in amazement as Judy pulled her foot back and stood confidently before him._

 _Judy gave the squirrel a nod and said pleasantly, "Just doing my job, sir."_

 _A crackling noise underfoot immediately brought her good mood crashing down, and she looked down at the ground. Two cracks had snaked out from where she had tapped the acorn down into the ice, and the cracks quickly formed a jagged ring around her._

 _"Oh no….nonononononono_ _NO-_ "

 _The ice broke, and she gave a loud scream as she fell to her presumed death._

 _The saber-toothed squirrel's eyes went wide in response, although his eyes were primarily focused on the acorn as it fell into the hole after the bunny. In response to the loss of his nut, he let out a frustrated scream that was even louder than Judy's._

"See! Isn't that a whole lot more interesting!" Keldeo said, "Doesn't it feel like it just _belongs_ in a _Zootopia_ and _Ice Age_ crossover. Like, if such a film really _was_ animated, a scene like this would work perfectly!"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "And I'm not even saying that that's what I want in this fanfic! All I really want is. . . _something! Anything!_ Just something a bit more interesting than Judy just standing still! _Biscuits,_ even something like _this_ would've been better:"

 _Judy reached the open space, but suddenly found her feet sliding and she lost her balance, sliding a few feet before stopping. No longer hearing the panting breaths of the wolves in her ears, she took a moment to catch her breath before looking up._

 _A couple meters away, close to the tree line, the two wolves paced hungrily, growling nastily._

 _Judy frowned, and she tapped her right foot rapidly as she thought aloud, "Wait. . . Somethings not right here. Why are they letting me go?"_

 _A crackling noise underfoot immediately caught her attention, and she looked to her feet._

 _Ice. Sheet thin too, but all she could see though it was a foggy white. Her eyes widened as she saw that cracks had formed right at the spot where she had tapped her foot and were rapidly spreading in a large area right where she was standing._

 _"Oh no….nonononononono_ _NO-_ "

 _The ice broke, and she gave a loud scream as she fell to her presumed death._

" _This one_ would've at least shown Judy's sharp analytical mind while also slightly poking fun at one of the quirks of her species and using it against her," Keldeo explained, then he frowned and said, "But instead of something clever or faithful to the character, it just seems like Kara is trying to turn Judy _into_ Scrat! I mean, think about it! We've got a small anthropomorphic rodent that is thrown through time and gets into all sorts of dangerous situations, with the added bonus of cracking ice. Yeah, this is just _Not Time For Nuts_ with no nuts, and instead of watching Scrat we're watching Judy Hopps! _Instead of watching Scrat,_ _ **we're watching JUDY HOPPS!**_ "

Keldeo stood up and shouted, "NOOOOOOOO-!"

Munna, Victini, and Floyd all tackled Keldeo down into the water.

* * *

 _ **A few minutes later. . .**_

* * *

Keldeo stood alone on the platform and he sighed and said, "Sorry for that outburst, but the idea of taking a character so deep and complex and admirable and thoughtfully developed as Judy Hopps and turning her into _Scrat_ is just so. . ."

Keldeo gritted his teeth for a moment, then gave another sigh and said, "Well, we've finally finished the first chapter. Now, back in my review of _My Little Pony Ice Age,_ I had crossed the 3000 word mark just with the first chapter. Now, with this fanfic, I've- WHAT!? OVER 4000 WORDS _ALREADY_!"

 _ **Darth Vader:**_ _"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

Keldeo's had a manic expression on his face as he said, "Yes, I know having Darth Vader here makes no sense, but give me a break! I just spent over 4000 words on ONE CHAPTER!"

* * *

 _Judy's violet eyes shot open, immediately aware of the vines that entangled her body as she hung from a sort of tropical tree, her free fall to a certain death halted just meters above the ground._

* * *

"Oh, come on! Now you're just ripping off the end of that jaguar attack scene from _Zootopia_!" Keldeo complained, "It's starting to feel like everyone who has ever written an _Ice Age_ crossover watched the first episode of _Don't Hug Me I'm Scared_ and thought the moral was meant to be taken seriously!"

 _ **Sketchbook:**_ _"Now let's all agree. . . to never be creative again!"_

* * *

 _The creature, some sort of bipedal reptile with dark scales, yellow eyes, and massive claws on it's first toes that tapped the ground menacingly, lay tied up like a log, vines ensnaring it's body like snakes as it hissed and snapped at Judy._

* * *

"So Judy comes across a captured dinosaur, and of course she runs into _the_ designated dinosaur hunter of the _Ice Age_ franchise, Buck the weasel."

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, yeah, this can work out. Judy has dealt with weasels before. Duke Weaselton was the very first criminal she caught, so I'm sure she'll have no trouble-."

* * *

 _A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention and she froze, glancing up and over the raptor's back, only glimpsing brownish red fur, a blur of green, and a sharp, blue that seemed to stare straight through her before the other mammal slammed into her with a sort of predatory strength that knocked the wind out of her lungs._

 _As the stars cleared from her vision and her breath came back, Judy found herself staring a wild mammal in the eye, a little too close for comfort. Nervously she eased herself up, but the other mammal's nose pressed into her's and, with a dissatisfied masculine grunt, the mammal stopped her like some immovable force._

 _A weasel…he's huge! He's bigger than any weasel I've ever seen! Could probably fight a wolverine….and win, if he tried…_

* * *

Keldeo fell down flat, and he said grumpily, "Nope! Buck is from the ice age! That means he's a giant, SUPER weasel that Judy Hopps _couldn't possibly_ fight!"

Keldeo chuckled and said, "It's not like. . . she beat a rhino or anything. . ."

* * *

 _She shuddered, then yelped as the weasel's nose found it's way up the back of her shirt. Judy whipped around and gave him a good smack. Realizing she'd just hit what was easily an unpredictable, wild and prehistoric mammal, Judy curled into a tight ball with a terrified squeak._

* * *

" _ **RHIIIIIIINOOOOOOOOOOO!**_ " Keldeo shouted loudly.

Keldeo growled and said, "You know, I don't think someone this weak and helpess should be on the ZPD. Seriously, Fluttershy is tougher than this. _FLUTTERSHY!_ Do I need to play the clip of her twisting that bear's neck?" **(1)**

* * *

 _"If you're looking to hurt me, then I suggest you try harder. That was a mild inconvenience at best."_

 _Judy's mind blanked, not quite sure how to register the fact that this prehistoric weasel could speak perfect English, with a British accent no less!_

* * *

"SEE! This is why the story should have established that the time machine can travel through different universe as well as time, otherwise this fact is totally insane and dumb!" Keldeo shouted as he jumped back up onto his hooves, "There's no way that someone from this time period could speak a language that technically doesn't even exist yet! Now, if this _wasn't_ brought up or questioned at all, like how Ash and Iris can understand their Pokemon in Toadettegirl2012's stories, then it would be easier to handwave. But when you bring attention to it, it just makes the story worse than it needs to be!"

* * *

 _Judy squealed like a six year old as the weasel curiously pulled at her clothes. Not very lady-like or graceful, but it got the point across real quick, as he backed off with a stunned 'what the heck' face. "These are clothes! Don't pull at them!"_

* * *

"Oh, okay. Buck is a pervert now. Great. Now we've got another reason to hate him," Keldeo with a grouchy frown.

* * *

 _"But you've got fur."_

 _"That's besides the point! I-OH MY-"_

 _Judy covered her beet-red face as the weasel stood up on his two feet and she realized he wore nothing but his fur._

* * *

"And this _never_ comes up again!" Keldeo said grouchily, then he sighed and said, "But I suppose this is unavoidable, as we can't go the whole story with Judy screaming and covering her eyes every time she looks at him."

* * *

 _"You're bleeding."_

 _Judy looked up at him, avoiding looking at him below the chest. "What?"_

 _He walked up to her and held his hand out, helping her to her feet before taking hold of her upper left arm, perhaps a bit too roughly, as she hissed in pain. She looked down to see where he was holding, and she quickly looked away as she now had the mental image of the open wound on her arm and the individual layers of bloody flesh now branded into her brain._

 _"That's gonna get infected if we don't treat that. Come with me."_

* * *

"How does this guy know how germs and infection work- _forget it, I don't care_ ," Keldeo said quickly, "So Buck takes Judy home and tends to her wound."

* * *

 _"If you're worried about getting home, don't be. I can get you back up there before anyone realizes you're gone."_

 _Judy was hit with a wave of dread, fear, sadness, and despite being in his company…loneliness. "I….I don't think you can help me with that. I'm not…from around here_ _or_ _there, if I'm being completely honest with you."_

* * *

 _ **Sans:**_ _"Look. I gave up trying to go back a long time ago, and getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore, either."_

"THERE!" Keldeo said loudly, "I finally did it! I finally made an _Undertale_ reference!"

* * *

 _"I…I-I'm from the future."_

 _She wholly expected it when he froze up in the corner of her eye, but she didn't expect the accepting side-shrug and him continuing with threading one of the plant strings into the thorn._

 _"That's it? No questions? No laughing?!"_

 _Buck chuckled, but in no way was it mocking. "Considering what you're wearing and that blinky yellow light on that fancy bracelet of yours, it actually explains a lot._

* * *

"Never comes up again!" Keldeo said loudly, "That seems to be a running theme in this story."

Keldeo then shrugged and said, "So then Judy goes to sleep in Buck's home with the whirlwind of thoughts of what's happened to her in her head, and that's all Kara has written so far."

Keldeo then gave a sigh and said, "Okay. Look. I've gone on a lot about this fanfic. I've expressed a lot of complaints about it. I've even gotten angry too. But here's the thing . . . I really, _really_ want Kara to continue this fanfic. I don't hate this fanfic itself. Sure, I'm annoyed by the way Judy is kinda put in an . . .unflattering light. But there's still endless possibilities for improvement!"

Keldeo gave a sheepish, slightly embarrassed grin and said, "Yeah, most of my reactions and criticisms were mostly exaggerated for comedy. This story _is_ kinda weird, but not horrible. There's also plenty of ways to expand upon this story and make it more interesting. For instance, Judy is still wearing that flashing bracelet. Maybe the evil scientists are somehow able to track her through it? Maybe Nick and the ZPD can storm the lab and Nick can somehow access the time machine? This story _can get better,_ and I want to see Kara pull it off."

Keldeo smiled and said, "So, everyone, check out Kara's story for yourself. Maybe leave some reviews suggesting improvements and requests for a speedy update. Hey! Ya never know! It might actually get her to make the best _Ice Age_ and _Zootopia_ crossover fanfic ever!"

Keldeo held onto his smile and said quietly, "I hope. . ."

Keldeo gave a nod and said, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!"

* * *

 _Watch out!_

 _Judy Hopps!_

 _Back to the present! Judy Hopps!_

 _Hopps, Hopps, Hopps!_

 _Hopps, Hopps!_

 _Watch out!_

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _Samurai Jack_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Woody Woodpecker_

 _Half-Life_ by Valve

" _Friendship is Witchcraft" Review –_ By VoiceOfReason **(TinyURL: ydd2w2uv)**

 _Portal_ by Valve

 _Portal 2_ by Valve

 _Metroid: Other M_

 _Game of Thrones_

 _Confused Matthew_

 _Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney_

 _No Time For Nuts_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Norm of the North_

 _Don't Hug Me I'm Scared_

 _Nostalgia Critic: Jem and the Holograms_

 **(1)** My _Little Pony: Friendship is Magic- Season 2 Episode 3: Lesson Zero_

 _Undertale_


	50. Gallus' Adoption FimFictions

_**BOOOOOM!**_

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

 _ **I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'M NEVER GIVING IN!  
ON WITH THE SHOW!**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

 _ **I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!  
On. . . with the show. . .**_

 _ **On. . . with the show. . .**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.

 _ **SHOW!**_

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

* * *

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 18: Gallus' Christmas Adoption FiMFictions**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a smile, "And as you all know, Christmas is only a few days away! Meaning it's time for me to review a Christmas fanfic!"

Keldeo's smile slipped a little, and he said with a sigh, "But. . . here's the thing. . . Pokemon Christmas fanfics. . . aren't very interesting. I know it sounds kinda weird for me to say that, but it's true. I mean, they usually fall into one of three categories. The first is Ash, his mom, and his friends having a party. The second is Team Rocket having a heartwarming moment. And the third is Ash and whatever female companion the author likes the best having a romantic moment. And sure, there are some outliers, like some other Pokemon discussing the true meaning of Christmas, or some OCs trying to get each other the perfect gift in time. To be honest, the most creative Pokemon Christmas fanfic I've ever read was _An Icy, Cold Christmas_ by Jordan Lego Comix."

* * *

 _ **An Icy, Cold Christmas**_

 _By: Jordan Lego Comix_

 _A Christian Devotional/Real World Fanfic/Short Story. When a grovyle is not comfortable with what an eevee wants to evolve into, conflict begins to put their friendship in danger. And when a young lucario finds his human brother's favorite book trilogy, he may have to give two parts of it up for a stranger's daughter who might not live to read the whole thing. R &R, please._

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Family/Spiritual - Grovyle/Juptile, Lucario, Eevee/Eievui - Chapters: 6 - Words: 20,151 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Updated: Jan 3, 2013 - Published: Oct 15, 2012 - Status: Complete - id: 8612900_

* * *

Keldeo smiled, winked, and said, "Seriously, go ahead and read it. It's beautiful with so many characters and plot elements and morals but it also has action scenes and funny jokes and emotional character moments and-."

Keldeo stopped, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Whew! Kinda got caught up in the moment there. Well, anyway, the fact is that I don't really feel like reviewing a Christmas Pokemon fanfic this time, because there's really nothing for me to work with here. I mean, I suppose I _could_ review _Operation: Winter Can Be Fun_ by Toadettegirl2012. . ."

Keldeo then smiled sheepishly and said, "But if I wanted to torture myself, I'd just watch _The Search for Santa Paws (2010)._ "

Victini flew in, and he waved his palms as toy piano music played in the background, and he sang, " _Santa Paws! Santa Paw! I don't know where toys' souls go when they burn!_ " _**(1)**_

Victini flew away again, and Keldeo sat and thought to himself, "Hmm. . . So, if I'm not gonna review a Pokemon fanfic today, what _should_ I review? Hmmm. . ."

Keldeo tapped his chin with his right forehoof. Then he stopped and stared at his hoof and said, "Huh. Look at that, I'm a pony. . ."

Keldeo's eyes lit up, and he declared as he put his hoof back down, "That's it! I'll review a _My Little Pony_ fanfic!" Keldeo then went back to thinking and said, "Huh, but which one should I review?"

Suddenly, Roxie's band, Koffing and the Toxics _**(2)**_ could be heard playing and singing,

" _ **Santa Paw! Santa Paws! We all love Santa Paws!**_

 _ **He is Santa and Lucario! My gosh, it's Santa Paws!"**_

A Lucario wearing a red collar and a Santa hat landed right next to Keldeo, laughing merrily.

"Santa Paws!" Keldeo said with delight, "The _good_ version! The one from _An Icy, Cold Christmas_!"

"Ho, ho, ho!" Santa Paws laughed, "That's right Keldeo! And I've come here to deliver _two_ My Little Pony fanfics to you!"

Keldeo was amazed by this. "Really? Two?" he said.

"Indeed, Keldeo! Ho, ho, ho!" the Lucario said in a jolly manner, "For you see, both of these fanfics are about Gallus the Griffon being adopted during Hearth's Warming Eve!"

Keldeo was delighted by this. "Really? Gallus from the Student Six! That's so awesome! And two of them? That means I can do a comparison to see which one is better!"

"Ho, ho, ho! Well, here you are, Keldeo!" Santa Paws said as he handed Keldeo two seperate stacks of printer paper.

"Thank you so much, Santa Paws! You've saved the review," Keldeo said with gratitude.

"Oh, don't mention it! I'm just trying to spread some Christmas cheer!" the Lucario replied.

Keldeo smiled and said, "Well, it's working! This is just so great, Santa Paws!"

"Indeed! Ho, ho, ho! Oh! I almost forgot! Here's a little something for the readers! A _Pokemon_ Christmas fanfiction that's too short for a review but a nice, fun read! _Primarina's Secret Santa (Decidueye X Primarina)_ by EmilSteilsson8 on DeviantArt!" (TinyURL: **y9yfakax** )

"Cool! Primarina is one of Matthais' favorite Pokemon of all time! Thanks Santa Paws, and merry Christmas!" Keldeo said with pleasure.

"Merry Christmas Keldeo! Merry Christmas to all! Ho, ho, ho!" Santa Paws declared, and he dashed off into the distance.

Keldeo smiled, and he said, "Well, before we continue, let me give you all a little background. A while back, I did an Editorial about the Student 6 from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic._ They're six teens of various races that attend Princess Twilight's School of Friendship. They're unique, competent, funny, true, and so much better than the Mane 6. Now, there was a Holiday episode called _The Hearths Warming Club_ where we find out something shocking. . . Gallus is an orphan. That's right, after years and years of sad stories about Scootaloo being an orphan, it gets debunked with the reveal of her two aunts, and then the writers turn around and give us a confirmed orphan on _Friendship is Magic,_ and it's Gallus the Griffon! We even see a _very sad_ scene of Gallus wandering the streets alone while other griffons celebrate the Blue Moon Festival inside their warm homes."

Keldeo looked very distressed by this, and he said, "Gosh. . . At least I had the Swords of Justice to take care of me, but Gallus had no one. _No one!_ "

Keldeo smiled a bit and said, "Well, the episode has a heartwarming ending, with Gallus' friends rallying around him and refusing to leave him alone during the Holidays, even if it meant that they had to miss out on their own holidays back in their homes. If that doesn't prove their bond, nothing will! However, that doesn't solve the main problem of Gallus having no family to show him love or help him grow up and get through life. Therefore, we have these two delightful stories!"

* * *

 _ **Am I Blue?**_

 _By The Bricklayer_

 _Another year, another Hearths Warming for one Gallus the Griffon. And once again, he's all alone. Sure, he's got his friends, but they don't make a family..._

 _Gilda the griffon: rude, grumpy and no lover of the holidays. But then again, considering her version of Hearths Warming consists of griffons trying not to claw each other's eyes out, who could blame her?_

 _Maybe it's that jolly spirit in the air again, but perhaps just this year, maybe these two griffons will find something that they both need._

* * *

 _ **Blood of the Covenant**_

 _By moviemaster8510_

 _Gallus the griffin nearly sabotaged his friends' opportunity to return home to their families for the holidays due to his own lack of one. Though his friends opted to stay in Ponyville with him, Sandbar recognized that this was only a temporary fix for a more permanent problem. On the morning of Hearth's Warming, Sandbar gives Gallus a present that he hopes will make his Hearth's Warming, as well as the rest of his life, the best it can possibly be._

 _Written because I wanted to write a Hearth's Warming story that wasn't so much in the same vein as Die Hard like Lion Hearted was. Plus, I'm planning another story involving the Young Six in the near future and I thought this story would be a good way to dip my toes in with them, so to speak. Happy holidays, everyone!_

* * *

"So, we've got two different stories for this Christmas review," Keldeo said with a smile, "And I'm gonna compare to see which has the biggest impact. How, you ask? Simple! Using rounds! The one who wins the most rounds, wins overall! Well then, let's not waste any more time! Let's begin with Round 1: Gallus!"

* * *

 _ **ROUND 1: Gallus**_

* * *

"Writing for Gallus is not an easy feat," Keldeo said seriously, "Not only is he a tough, sarcastic, wise cracking griffon, he's also an orphan that's been hiding his pain and true feelings. So that all has to be taken into account when writing him."

Keldeo help up a forehoof and said, "But first, let's look at the situation. _Am I Blue?_ Takes place a year after Gallus admits he's an orphan, and in response to that, Princess Twilight has him put up in an orphanage in Ponyville."

* * *

 _the Bright Future Orphanage that Gallus now lived at, after Headmaster Twilight discovered Gallus' status. Bright Future really was an oxymoron in his case, as nobody really wanted to adopt a sixteen year old. A sixteen year old griffon at that, which came with their own sets of problems. Instead, they always favored the young set of ponies. Even if he'd been there only a year, Gallus knew how it went. Mothers, and couples always went for the young, cute ponies. Of which Gallus was none of these particular qualities._

* * *

Keldeo sighed in annoyance and said, "No! It's not one of those dark, depressing orphanages with the evil caretaker like the one in _Skyrim._ The problem is that Gallus is too old to be adopted, not that the place itself is bad. In fact, the caretaker seems to be really nice, to the point where it seems that Gallus has formed a friendship with her."

* * *

" _But Sunshine Smiles, the poor old mare... Well she does need the help back at the orphanage and as I'm one of the most mature ones there it's sorta my duty to be the man of the house if you will."_

" _I admire your loyalty Gallus, I really do," Smolder admitted, with a slight shake of her head. "But still…"_

 _Gallus held up a claw to stop her, and Smolder groaned. "Seriously, what do you plan on even doing there anyways?" she had to ask._

" _Hearths Warming Carols around the big tree I helped Sunshine set up a few days back, for one," Gallus listed. "Planning on giving out fresh bread to some of the ponies around town and such."_

" _Sounds… fun I suppose," Smolder remarked. "You've really changed Gallus, haven't you?"_

" _Haven't we all?" Gallus smirked back._

* * *

"It's also pretty good how Gallus is shown to have gone through _some_ character development," Keldeo went on, "But he's still the same in other ways. For instance, he's still good at hiding his pain, and he refuses to go with his friends to join them on their holidays even though it would probably have made him feel better."

* * *

 _In all honesty, he'd really love to be somewhere for this season and in all honesty he didn't know why he wasn't taking up the dragoness on her offer but there he was, declining it. It was perhaps chalked up to his natural griffon pride, at least that's what he'd like to think but everyone else would probably call it him being stubborn and having the inability to let others in. That second one was probably much closer to the truth, if Gallus was to be perfectly honest with himself._

* * *

"Now, in _Blood of the Covenant,_ " Keldeo segued, "The story takes place only a few days after the episode where Gallus admits that he's an orphan. It seems kinda weird at first, but I think the story fixes it up later on. Anyway, the story opens up on Hearth's Warming day, and we see the that stoic, cool, tough guy that is Gallus is-."

* * *

 _Sandbar awoke with the sensation of vertigo as he was bounced off the mattress of his dorm room bed. As he rested still once again, he got his bearings and noticed Gallus sitting over his legs and in his red-and-gold headband and red scarf, his form stiff like a statue with the excitement rushing through him._

" _Sanbar, get up!" he statically commanded. "Sandbar, come on, it's Hearth's Warming!"_

" _Uh…" Sandbar slithered himself up to sit straight on his haunches. "Gallus?"_

" _No, it's Yona, genius! Yes, of course it's Gallus! Come on, the rest of us are waiting with Professor Rainbow Dash to get to Headmare Twilight's castle!"_

* * *

Keldeo stared blankly, blinking his eyes a few times, and he finally concluded, ". . . now an excited little puppy dog?"

Keldeo shook off his surprise and explained, "Now, don't get me wrong. I kinda get what the author was going for here. This is Gallus' first truly _happy_ holiday. He's with friends who care about him, and he gets to exchange cool gifts with them. After being alone for so long, the thought of waking up in a warm bed to a day of fun, cheer, and love is bound to fill him with glee. Gallus' heart _must_ have grown _at least_ three sizes."

Keldeo held up his right forehoof and said, "But wait! There's more! Unlike the first story, the second one goes into more detail about his reaction to being adopted."

* * *

 _Sinking to his stomach, Gallus shut his eyes and covered them fully with his talons, unable to mask the water streaming down his cheeks and to the floor. "Sandbar, guys, please don't do this to me… My own parents didn't even want me in their family… How could you want me in yours?"_

* * *

"Ugh! Yeah, that's hard to read," Keldeo said with a wrinkled snout as he put his hoof down, "What's worse? Dead parents or horrible parents? Ugh."

Keldeo shook it off, and he continued, "Well, now we see that Gallus has the mindset that he doesn't _deserve_ a family anymore. But, of course, the love gets through to him, and he finally tears down the walls he had built around his heart."

* * *

 _Looking past Sandbar, Gallus could see the colt's parents and sister clearly behind him; a portrait of a family that had deliberately made a hole just big enough for him to fill. Though the nagging thoughts of unworthiness and cynicism couldn't leave the back of his mind, the hoof of one of his closest friends extended earnestly to him turned faith of love into certainty._

 _Halfway to standing up on all fours, Gallus could no longer help himself, pouncing into Sandbar and tackling him onto his back. As the griffon hugged him tight, he loudly wept into the young pony's chest, a lifelong void finally closed up for him for the rest of his life._

" _Haha…" Though smothered and pressed down to the floor by Gallus's now familial hold, Sandbard managed to pat his new adopted brother's back. "Happy first Hearth's Warming, Gallus."_

* * *

Keldeo breathed in and out solemnly, then he said, "Okay then. So, who wins this round. Well, _Am I Blue?_ Had a lot more dialogue for Gallus, but it kinda sold us short on his reaction to being adopted. He just says ' _Really?',_ there's a hug, and ' _The End'._ On the other hand, _Blood of the Covenant_ really hit hard on the reaction scene, but it didn't really focus that much on Gallus during the first two thirds of the story. So, I think it's clear that _Am I Blue?_ Wins Round 1."

* * *

 _ **ROUND 1 WINNER: Am I Blue?**_

* * *

"Now let's focus on the ones who decide to adopt Gallus," Keldeo said with a smile.

* * *

 _ **ROUND 2: The Adopter**_

* * *

"Now, in _Am I Blue?_ , the one who adopts Gallus is Gilda," Keldeo said, and his eyes went wide and he said, "That's right! Gilda! I know, I know, it's shocking. Hay, the story itself kind of lampshades how mind-blowing this is."

* * *

 _She cared for this kid. Quite a few ponies or griffons would faint if they heard she had a heart -Well maybe not Gabby or Pinkie, they'd just hug her till she died of air loss- but yes it was true. Gilda Gruff wasn't completely heartless like almost every other griffon in the world._

* * *

"RACIST!" Munna shouted as she flew in.

"It's not racist if it's true! There are literally THREE griffons in the entire show that are even remotely nice, five if you count Gustav and Greta, but Greta hasn't even had any dialogue yet, so we can't even be sure about her!" Keldeo argued.

Munna turned away and said, "Very nice, Keldeo. That _totally_ doesn't make me wanna go on a social justice tirade!"

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-Test complete."_

"Shut-up!" Munna shouted, and she quickly flew away.

"Anyway," Keldeo said, clearly irritated by the interruption, "The story makes sure to explain why and how Gilda has come to the decision to adopt Gallus. For instance, it brings up how she did something nice to him back in Griffonstone."

* * *

 _She already knew of Gallus' little problems with his home life or lack thereof. She'd spotted him once or twice peeking in her family home's window every so often with the Blue Moon Festival being the most common occasion. Once, out of simple curiosity, the hen had followed him back home only to find him curled up in a makeshift nest shivering his feathers off. She'd like to think she'd steeled her heart but she did distinctly remember going back to her home. Next, she'd grabbed this ratty old blanket she'd kept around for one reason or the other and gave it to Gallus. She just hoped Gallus slept better that night, before quickly forgetting about him. Or so she'd thought._

* * *

Keldeo nodded his head and said, "Okay, that's something. But the story also takes kind of a weird turn by giving Gilda a dream where the ghost of the old Griffon King Boreas tells her to adopt him."

Keldeo frowned and said, "Now, this _would_ have been stupid and forced. . ." Keldeo then smiled and continued, " _. . .If_ we didn't have Gilda immediately lampshade it and give her own explanation for it."

* * *

 _Evidently both her brain and her conscience had other plans in store for her. Maybe that's what that strange figure in the night was, her better half telling her -Well, yelling at her really like any good griffon worth his or her salt- to just go ahead and stop lying to herself. Telling her that she did have a heart and that she did care for this kid and that she wanted him to be her nestling. As sappy as it sounded, that's what Gilda believed. She certainly didn't want to think it was the Ghost of Hearths Warming Past or the Tree of Harmony itself telling her something._

* * *

Keldeo nodded with approval and said, "There! Now _that_ makes sense and fits with her character. Like this scene where she lands at the Friendship School."

* * *

 _A few ponies parted in fear of her as she made her landing and Gilda grumply grumbled "Wimps." to herself even as she walked into the school's main hall. They could all go and mind their own business for all she cared if they were that scared of her coolness. Anyways, she had more important matters to attend to. Like Gallus for instance._

* * *

Keldeo smiled and pointed with his right forehoof and said, "Now _that's_ the Gilda we all know and love! Perfectly on point!"

Keldeo nodded as he put his hoof back down and said, "Now, in _Blood of the Covenant,_ Sandbar manages to convince his family to adopt Gallus, which is cool, as Sandbar has a stronger, visible, already established connection with Gallus. Now, it _might_ seem a little too soon for Sandbar to jump at this, until you realize that what we're shown in the TV show isn't _everything_. Lots of time has gone by offscreen between episodes, and that space can be filled up by fanfic writers. In _Blood of the Covenant,_ we get stuff like this:"

* * *

 _Sandbar sat in front of Gallus, his smile a bit tighter as his own eyes began to moisten. "Why wouldn't I want such an awesome friend to be in my family? You've only stayed over at my place like, what, like four times since we enrolled at the school, and my parents and baby sister already like you just as much!"_

* * *

" _Beachcomber, High Tide," Gallus spoke to the father and then the mother. "You even brought Coral Currents here?"_

" _Sure thing, Blue," Beachcomber responded in a chill, raspy voice, "but I'm sure you'd much prefer being called Gallus in our humble abode from now on."_

" _Gally!" Coral Currents giggled as she reached for Gallus while still on her mother's back, making the griffon recoil with melancholy._

" _Looks like your new sis is supes ready to welcome you home too," High Tide replied._

* * *

"We may not have gotten any flashbacks here," Keldeo explained, "But the context of the characters' words, actions, and mannerisms tell us a lot. Using context clues, we can see that Sandbar's family has grown to care for Gallus pretty fast. It also makes sense, as since Gallus is the only other male member of the Student Six, Sandbar would gel with him pretty easily. I also like how the author wrote the parents, especially considering we only saw them once in the show, and they had no dialogue. But they really do seem like the kind of parents that would raise a kind and chill guy like Sandbar."

* * *

 _High Tide tensed up upon realizing something. "Oh shoot, we didn't even make a Hearth's Warming doll for him, did we?"_

 _Beachcomber smiled and rested his head against his wife's again, closing his eyes contently. "Already wrapped up and put under our tree."_

 _High Tide's grin turned cheeky. "Oh, Beachy, you think of everything!"_

* * *

" _Blood of the Covenant_ wins!" Keldeo shouted suddenly, "Yeah, there's no contest. Sure, Gilda having a softer side and stuff is sweet, but I just love Sandbar's family, and the idea of Sandbar and Gallus becoming brothers is just too heartwarming to pass up!"

* * *

 _As the griffon hugged him tight, he loudly wept into the young pony's chest, a lifelong void finally closed up for him for the rest of his life._

" _Haha…" Though smothered and pressed down to the floor by Gallus's now familial hold, Sandbard managed to pat his new adopted brother's back. "Happy first Hearth's Warming, Gallus."_

* * *

 _ **ROUND 2 WINNER: Blood of the Covenant**_

* * *

Keldeo looked excited, and he said, "Oh boy! The score is tied! This last round will decide it! It's time to take a look at the side characters!"

* * *

 _ **ROUND 3: Side Characters**_

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay, to be honest, _Am I Blue?_ only has one side character, and that's Smolder the Dragoness, who tries to convince Gallus to come with her or one of their other friends for the holidays."

* * *

" _If you say so dude, but you know I'm just looking out for you," Smolder replied. "We all are. Silverstream, Yona, Sandbar, the rest of us. We've all been thinking about inviting you over to our countries or homes for the holidays just so you won't have to spend yours at that ratty old place._

" _...So that explains why Yona was so insistent I come with her to Yakyakistan for Snilldar Fest…" Gallus muttered. "Listen, I get what you're trying to do Smolder, I honestly do, but…"_

" _It wouldn't be the same as you spending time with a bunch of grumpy old griffons trying very hard not to claw your faces off?" Smolder deadpanned as she flapped above his head with her little wings. "...Oh right, I forgot. You don't have that particular 'luxury'," she deadpanned, making little air quotes with her claws to boot. "Honestly Gallus, I don't get why you're so stubborn. We're just trying to help ya here!"_

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, at least the others were _mentioned._ But Smolder is the only character we see here! Not only that, the author decided to go against the popular shipping of Gallus and Silverstream and have Gallus and Smolder be together instead."

* * *

 _He suspected Smolder had a crush on him, given that she was one of the ones who went the most out of his or her way to spend time with the normally lonely griffon. And inviting him to her homeland for her version of the holiday festivities was probably a big deal and all that._

* * *

 _"You've really changed Gallus, haven't you?"_

" _Haven't we all?" Gallus smirked back._

" _Yeah, guess we have," Smolder replied, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead making them both blush. "Stay safe, you hear?" she asked, before flying off. As she left the school, the young dragoness sighed to herself. If only there was something more she could do._

 _Mid-flight somewhere between her school and the outskirts of Ponyville, Smolder came to a screeching halt as she steeled her eyes. No, this would not do. She would not leave Gallus alone like this, despite what he claimed. As much as he tried to hide it, Smolder could tell her friend -and crush- was quite miserable. He was good at masking his emotions, that much was certain. But not quite good enough. No, there had to be something she could do, Smolder thought to herself as she made a 180-degree turn back towards the school. The question was… Well, what could she do exactly?_

* * *

"I don't get it," Keldeo said flatly, "I mean, there was that scene in _What Lies Beneath_ where Gallus walks in on Smolder while she's wearing a dress and makeup, but you'd think that would make him have a crush on her, not the other way around. But I suppose anything can happen in a fanfic."

Keldeo gained an incredulous look and said, "But then Smolder tries to adopt Gallus!"

* * *

" _I'm sorry Smolder," Twilight sighed, sounding exhausted. Gilda couldn't blame her. She had a family to go home to as well. "But there's just no way even you could adopt Gallus as much as you want to. Look, I want to see Gallus get a good family as much as you do but I can't just allow a child to adopt him!"_

* * *

 _ **GLaDOS:**_ _"Don't think about it. Don't think about it. . ."_

" _Blood of the Covenant_ wins," Keldeo said quickly, "And no, I'm not just saying that because I disagree with the shipping in _Am I Blue?_. It's because _Blood of the Covenant_ has ALL of the characters in the most enjoyable settings possible: youngsters on Hearths Warming morning all excited about gathering around the tree and then exchanging and opening their gifts."

* * *

" _Sandbar, Gallus, let's go!" Smolder yelled, her voice clearly heard from all the way through the hall and down the stairs. "I probably have a gemstone as big as an Ursa Major waiting for me!"_

" _Yona want to open pony present too!" the gruff yak bellowed just as loudly._

* * *

 _Rainbow Dash pushed the front doors of Twilight's castle open to allow her six students to spill themselves inside. Neither of them made it more than ten feet before what they saw in front of them brought them to a standstill. A Hearth's Warming tree twice as big as the one in the school and twice as lavishly decorated. The size and majesty of it only served to make the Fire of Friendship on top of it look even brighter and hotter than the one they had on the school's tree._

" _Whoa," the six creatures sighed at once._

* * *

" _Eeeheeheehee!" Silverstream couldn't help but shake the box close to her ear, wanting to determine what she received from the sound it made getting knocked about inside._

* * *

Keldeo was grinning from ear to ear, and he said, "Oh man, it's all so good that I'm not spoiling another sentence of it. You're just gonna have to go and read it yourself. The interactions of the characters, and their reactions to their gifts, are just so well written and enjoyable that you have to see them yourself. The gifts that they give each are also really creative and meaningful! The author really knew what he was doing when he came up with these presents! I think it's a tie between Ocellus and Silverstream when it comes to having funniest ways of opening and reacting to their gifts. Yona's reaction is the second most heartwarming, trumped only by Gallus' adoption."

* * *

 _ **ROUND 3 WINNER: Blood of the Covenant**_

* * *

Keldeo gave a nod and said, "So yeah, the overall winner is _Blood of the Covenant._ It could've done with a little more introspection into Gallus, but it more than makes for it with the big reveal and the presence of not only the rest of the Student Six, but of the Mane Six and Spike as well. Even _Pinkie Pie_ is likeable and funny here! Plus, the title actually comes from the saying ' _The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb',_ which means that people who chose to become family can often be closer than people who are actually biologically related, and this story exemplifies this fact flawlessly."

* * *

 _ **OVERALL WINNER: Blood of the Covenant**_

* * *

Keldeo help up his right forehoof for pause and said, "Now, that being said, _Am I Blue?_ is still really good and touching fanfic, especially with how it delves really deep into Gallus' feelings and Gilda's life in Griffonstone and her own feelings about everything. Even Gabby gets mentioned! To be honest, both of these fanfics are really cool, and both authors are very talented. I highly suggest reading both of them, so you can draw your own conclusions."

Keldeo put his hoof back down and smiled sheepishly as he admitted, "But you know, I might have been a bit biased in this, because I really like the idea of Sandbar and Gallus being brothers. . . which might be the result of a certain comic called _Brother From a Feather_ drawn by Metal-Jacket444 and co-written by Rated-R-PonyStar on DeviantArt." (TinyURL: **ych3wq8v** )

Keldeo smiled normally and said, "Well, anyway, I'm Keldeo the Critic, and I. . ."

Munna, Victini, Floyd the Pichu, and Zoroark and his mother all came in near Keldeo, and they all said together:

" _ **We**_ _all wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!_ "

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 **Footnoted References**

 **(1)** _Nostalgia Critic: The Search for Santa Paws_

 **(2)** _Pokemon Black and White_

 **Other References**

 _An Icy, Cold Christmas_ by Jordan Lego Comix

 _Operation: Winter Can Be Fun_ by Toadettegirl2012

 _Primarina's Secret Santa (Decidueye X Primarina)_ by EmilSteilsson8 (TinyURL: **y9yfakax** )

 _The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim_

 _Portal 2_ by Valve

 _Brother From a Feather_ by Metal-Jacket444 and Rated-R-PonyStar (TinyURL: **ych3wq8v** )

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _TinyURL_

 _FimFictionNet_


	51. Illusion Fox Rants: Unikitty! vs RBUK

_(Based on_ _ **PewDiePie vs T-Series. Flash In The Pan Hip Hop Conflicts Of Nowadays**_ _on_ _ **ERB2**_ _.)_

* * *

 _ **FLASH IN THE PAN HIP HOP CONFLCITS OF CARTOONS!**_

 **UNIKITTY!**

 **VS!**

 **FELICITY THE RAINBOW BUTTERFLY UNICORN KITTY!**

 _(Wait a minute, seriously? This is a thing? Like, this is an actual real thing that exists? On Nickelodeon? Wow. . .well. . . okay then. . .)_

 _ **BEGIN!**_

 **Felicity:**

Yeah, I'm a butterfly, unicorn, rainbow furred kitty!

So, I'm two-hundred percent cooler, but you're getting zero pity

Oh Unikitty, let me dish up some truth:

You're an old cat with old tricks, you're _Teen Titans GO_ _ **2**_!

I've seen _Snow Day REMIX!_ , and it has no flow at all!

Your show's lameness is the reason _SonicGlitcher_ dropped the ball

I could just nail in your face with a rainbow lazer,

But I'll just crush you in ratings, I'll get your show canceled later

 **Unikitty:**

You think I'm scared of copycats! You're worse than Eaglegator!

You'd better apologize for your not-so-nice behavior!

Wait, you think you're better? Well, I admit you do look fun

You remind me of Pinkie Pie. . . from _Party of One_!

Your _Harvey Beaks_ cancelling network has nothing on me!

And Hawkodile could totally take on Betti the Yeti!

Wily foxes beat wise owls, _and_ theybring the hype!

And a Chihuahua named Miguel? Wow, way to stereotype

 **Felicity**

Are you dissing my best friend? You better watch what you say!

I'll smash you like Cloud Cucko Land; yeah remember that day?

You thought Bad Cop and Lord Biz were the worst you'd ever see?

Well Master Frown better leave, cause your nemesis is _**ME!**_

And I would bet that my owl friend Athena,

Has a bigger IQ than Dr. Fox, just ask her!

So, don't you mess with the _Nicktoons,_ you half-breed!

I'm _C-N what you're sayin'_ , and I hate it, so concede!

 **Unikitty:**

You've just unleashed Rage Kitty! I'll incinerate all knockoffs!

My best friend's my little bro! Puppycorn, bite her wings off!

Someone big, a smart girl, a dog, and a kitty?

It's the most blatant rip-off ever! You think _I_ need pity?!

Viacom's content stinks! Time Warner Cable had the right idea!

Watch Spongebob and Dora? I'd rather have diarrhea!

I took out ALL of the Doom Lords! Who the heck are you?

The next time you see me will be in _The LEGO Movie 2_!

 _ **WHO WON?**_

 _ **WHO CARES?**_

 _ **YOU DECIDE!**_

 _ **FLASH IN THE PAN HIP HOP CONFLICTS OF CARTOONS!**_

* * *

 **Illusion Fox Comedy**

* * *

Zoroark snarled, and he pointed a claw at his face and said, "Hey, I'm Zoroark, and I'm an Illusion Fox, _and I'm angry!_ "

Zoroark raised his claws up high and roared comically as he shook them with fury, "RAAAAR!"

 **ILLUSION FOX RANTS**

Zoroark relaxed a bit and said with a smile, "Now, I'm sure everyone knows that _The LEGO Movie_ was an incredible movie that made tons of movie and that critics and audiences loved so much. It got two spin-offs, _The LEGO Batman Movie_ and _The LEGO Ninjago Movie,_ and one of the original characters became _so_ popular that she got her own spin-off cartoon."

 _ **Unikitty:**_ _"Hi-ee!"_

Zoroark smiled as he spread his arms out and said, "Okay! I admit! I'm a fan of _Unikitty!_ It's a _hilarious_ show that is very entertaining and even touching at times. Even though it's made by the same people who made the dreaded _Teen Titans GO!, Unikitty!_ Manages to be funny without being stupid. It helps that it takes place in a wacky, fantasy, LEGO world, so the more crazy humor fits better. Plus, the characters have all been built from scratch so that they actually work well in that type of setting."

Zoroark smiled warmly and continued, "But that's not all. _Unikitty!_ actually keeps the characters likeable, and is able to convey how much they truly do care about each other. Unikitty only wants to make others feel happy, and she simply adores her little brother Puppycorn, Hawkodile is brave and loyal, Dr. Fox is always willing to use her genius to help her friends, Puppycorn isn't slightly dimwitted but still innocent and pure of heart, and Richard is the responsible one who has everyone's best interest at heart. The character are also complex. Unikitty has that crazy angry side, Hawkodile has a crush on Dr. Fox, and Richard has the occasional moment where he reveals he's not so above it all."

Zoroark nodded and said in an impressed and pleasantly surprised sounding voice, "This show even manages to teach actual morals. Not fake or sarcastic moral like in _Teen Titans GO!,_ but actual useful morals! Sure, most of the episodes are just fun entertainment, but every once in a while, we get an episode that teaches a good lesson; like not letting yourself get so competitive that you hurt others, or not bottling up your emotions, or letting others express their feelings in a way they're comfortable with. This is some really good stuff here, and it shows what an awesome show _Unikitty!_ is."

Zoroark then smiled and said, "So Viacom decided to steal it."

Zoroark stood wearing that smile for a moment. Then he nodded and said, "No, seriously, Viacom decided to steal it. They saw _Unikitty!,_ they made a cartoon that's clearly a rip-off of it, and are going to air it on Nickelodeon on January 28, 2019. They've aired a commercial for it (TinyURL: **yc9o6rf4** ),there's a TvTropes page for it (TinyURL: **y92wp5ny** ), they really did it."

Without warning, Zoroark suddenly slapped both of his paws over his face. He rubbed his face for a bit, then he put his paws down and said irritably, "So, let me get this straight. . . you decide to cancel _Harvey Beaks,_ a very creative and unique show. . . and then you blatantly copy a popular show on _Cartoon Network_ , which by definition is the exact opposite of creativity and uniqueness?"

Zoroark shook his fists in fury and shouted, "Even the name of your stupid copycat show is lazy! What's it called? _Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty._ Why is it called that? Because the main character is a cat with a unicorn horn, butterfly wings, and magical rainbow powers."

Zoroark growled and pointed an accusing paw as he said, "Okay, you aren't fooling anyone! This character, what's her name, Felicity? Okay, Felicity is mostly pink. She's pink! She's just Unikitty if she was a real animal instead of made of LEGOs, and had wings stuck on her back. I dunno, maybe Felicity is meaner than Unikitty. Felicity can fire rainbow lazers from her paws, but Unikitty can shoot fire when she's angry. Oh, whatever."

Zoroark then raised his paw and said, "But wait! There's more! They didn't just steal one character! Oh no! They turned Puppycorn into a Chihuahua named Miguel, they also took away the sibling relationship, but whatever. They turned Dr. Fox into an owl named Athena. They even turned Hawkodile into a yeti name Betti!"

Zoroark frowned and said, "This has to be, _the worst case of someone ripping off of something else_ _ **EVER**_!"

Zoroark let out a sad sigh and said, "Well. . . I'm gonna watch the first episode. I kinda _have to_ after all that. I need to see exactly how similar or different this show really is. I'll do a full review of it, but my expectations are seriously low right now."

Zoroark shrugged and said, "Well, now I wanna hear from you. Are you excited about _Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty_? Do you think Felicity is just a Unikitty rip-off, or do you think she might be an interesting character? Come on, let me know."

Zoroark smiled a bit and said, "Be sure to Follow and Favorite, you won't regret it! Night Slash! _**Raaar!**_ "

Zoroark then stepped forward and playfully swiped at the camera.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _PewDiePie vs T-Series. Flash In The Pan Hip Hop Conflicts Of Nowadays_ by _ **ERB2**_

 _Unikitty Remix | Snow Day REMIX! (Ft. JTK MIX)_ by **SonicGlitcher**

 _Black Nerd Comedy_

 _NickToons USA - Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty Coming Jan 28 Promo (Recorded By Doggo)_

 _TvTropes_

 _TinyURL_


	52. Illusion Fox Reviews: RBUK

_(Based on_ _ **Ronald McDonald vs The Burger King. Flash In The Pan Hip Hop Conflicts Of Nowadays**_ _on_ _ **ERB2**_ _.)_

 _ **FLASH IN THE PAN HIP HOP CONFLCITS OF CARTOONS!**_

 **MIGUEL THE ANUBIS DOG!**

 **VS!**

 **PUPPYCORN!**

 _ **BEGIN!**_

 **Puppycorn:**

I'm Puppycorn! I'm gonna serve you today!

Some Lisa Frank fever dream?. . . O-kay!

You can't out rap me, 'cause I'm super slick.

Nobody is impressed by your _Sonic Underground_ shtick

Your best friend is an 8-year-old meme,

Who just stares at her cell phone while you're getting creamed

With your creepy _Teletubbies_ Sun as my witness,

Your random Nicktoon baby show just can't touch this!

 **Miguel:**

You should talk about babies, 'cause you're always crying

Puppycorn, you're a wimp! I'm not lying

Ask _Rick and Morty_ who's the lyrical boss

 _Bardel Entertainment_ , pup! Handing you a loss!

I'm the Atem of Mythlandia! Call me the King of this rap Game!

I'll call you Scarecrow, 'cause you don't have a brain!

People look at you and say, "How pathetic can ya get?"

I'm Minecraft Steve, and you're just Emmet!

 **Puppycorn:**

(Yay! I'm Special! Thanks, I- oh wait, the rap battle isn't over yet.)

Get out of here Lucario! This is _my_ time!

Leave _Cartoon Network_ alone! Go eat your Nick's slime!

When my kitty unlocks a door, we get ice cream!

Your kitty let out a monster, and you all screamed!

My sis is the Princess! Felicity's the Queen of being lame

When Unikitty's rages, she'll leave you in flames

Your kitty rips off _Puss In Boots,_ is that the best she can bring?

My show has even more flavor than your Nacho Kiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

 **Miguel:**

(Oh, come on, it's _King Nacho_!)

And those verses were tasteless! You have no self-confidence!

And when you do, you jump off a ramp to your doom, you're so dense!

Spy Fly and Tininess? Get your spells together, dog!

I'm down to earth and sensible, you're a dimwitted pizza hog!

I shrug off brain freezes 'cause I'm so chill!

I'd say now it's time for me to go in for the kill!

In this contest of the best cartoon dog in town,

You might be a prince, but I wear the crown!

 _ **WHO WON?**_

 _ **WHO CARES?**_

 _ **YOU DECIDE!**_

 _ **FLASH IN THE PAN HIP HOP CONFLICTS OF CARTOONS!**_

* * *

 **Illusion Fox Comedy**

Zoroark smiled and pointed as he said, "Hi, I'm Zoroark! I'm an Illusion Fox and I got a review for _YOU_!"

 **ILLUSION FOX REVIEWS**

"Well, I did it!" Zoroark said, sounding very much relieved, "I watched the first episode of _Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty,_ and _thank Arceus,_ it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. I was expecting something seriously bad. Like, _Teen Titans GO!_ bad or _Henry Danger_ or _Kid Danger_ bad where everyone's an idiot because people think being stupid is funny for some reason. But, somehow, Nickelodeon managed to avoid making another stinker."

Zoroark held up a claw and said, "Don't get me wrong, it _is_ kinda lame. But it isn't _horrible,_ and that's something to be thankful for. Anyway, _Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty,_ there's a magical kitty named Felicity, and she's best friends with an Egyptian Spanish dog named Miguel that can use music as a weapon, and they have crazy adventures and stuff."

Zoroark grinned and said, "Best synopsis ever!"

He then nodded and said, "Okay, first let's take a closer look at our two main characters and how they compare with a certain other pair of characters that people thought looked very similar to these ones."

"So, Felicity the rainbow butterfly unicorn kitty and Miguel the Anubis chihuahua actually _are_ quite different from Unikitty and Puppycorn, so I can't really call them rip-offs. They seem to be more like superheroes in a way, with actual powers beyond flying and catching on fire when they get mad. Miguel has a magical staff that he can turn into different guitars that he uses to shoot magic and lightning and stuff like that. So, yeah, he uses the Power of Rock to fight bad guys. Pretty cool. Also, instead of being cute and naive like Puppycorn, he's actually sensible and down to earth, while still being energetic and fun loving."

Zoroark actually looked interested as he continued to explain, "And Felicity's powers are actually well thought out. While Unikitty is just a cat with a horn on her head, Felicity can actually channel each of her powers in a kind of _'by the power of Grayskull'_ kind of way. Whenever she needs to use her powers, she flies up and shouts, _'rainbow butterfly unicorn kitty'_ and then call upon the power of one of those things to transform. Rainbow power makes her all stretchy like Mrs. Incredible, butterfly power gives her giant wings so she can blow enemies back with powerful wind, unicorn power lets her shoot lazers, and kitty power lets her fire glow sticks like bullets while also letting her do that cute eye thing that Dreamworks' _Puss in Boots_ is known for. So, yeah, there's actually a lot more to her than there is to Unikitty. There's more possibilities for fights and action scenes, at least."

Zoroark flexed his arms and said, "Okay, now it's time for the review! I'm gonna give you the good! I'm gonna give you the bad! Then I'm gonna give you the tricky!"

Zoroark smiled and said, "First the good! Each of the two segments of the first episode focuses on one of our main character. _Purrfect Party_ focuses on Felicity, while _Anubis Newbie_ focuses on Miguel. This is clever, as it introduces us to the characters and sets up how they will behave and interact throughout the show."

" _Purrfect Party_ does a good in showing us how Felicity is mostly a cat in spite of being a combination of four things. We get a funny opening of her starting her day with a whole bunch of cat things that manage to be both cute and funny. We also get to see Miguel being supportive of his friend in helping her master her powers, and the powers themselves are fun to look at. Seriously, the best moment has to be when Felicity obliterates a training dummy meant to look like her veterinarian, that is just gold."

"We also see that the world they live in is a land of mostly mythological creatures. Centaurs, mermaids, leprechauns, things like that, so it makes sense for something like Felicity to be here."

"The plot is also a good starting point for the series. Felicity has to show off her powers at a party, so it provides a way for us to see her powers and how they work, but also how this world works and what else lives there. And things like there being a random door with a minotaur behind it, or Felicity defeating it with the power of cuteness actually work in a world where nothing is realistic and not much is meant to be taken seriously, it's a wacky, comedy, fantasy world. . . _like Unikitty,_ but in a different way, because the characters aren't toys or LEGOs, they're just magical cartoon characters."

Zoroark was smiling excitedly as he went on, "Now, I actually liked _Anubis Newbie_ better, because it actually gave us a little backstory on Miguel. We learn that Anubis dogs are supposed to become kings in the Underworld, and after Miguel plays a magical melody, we actual go to the Underworld where he has to go through these challenges to become an Anubis King. And the idea of the challenges being presented as a game show just fits the tone of this show perfectly. We also see how Felicity's heart is always in the right place even if she makes mistakes or gets in the way."

Zoroark looked rather happy as he continued, "Also, I loved King Nacho's character. He could have easily been a jerk that constantly doubted or put down our heroes, but he was legitimately cool and nice and just and fair. He was just so likeable."

Zoroark frowned and gave a thumbs down gesture with his right claw. "And now for the bad."

Zoroark slapped his forehead with his left palm and rubbed it as he groaned, "Fart jokes! Of course! In _both_ episodes! The first one is long and pathetic and desperately trying to get a laugh, and the second one kinda ruins King Nacho's opening scene."

Zoroark put his arm down and said with wide eyes, "And don't get me started on the Sun! Oh my gosh, it's like the baby in the Sun from _Teletubbies_ grew up and got a job being the Sun in this show! Kids who watched the _Teletubbies_ that are older now are gonna have traumatic flashbacks from watching this show! The Sun in _Unikitty!_ has a little cute face like all of other LEGO characters, not a creepy man face that makes the Angry Sun in _Super Mario Bros. 3_ look pleasant."

Zoroark then shrugged and said, "There's also this weird rat guy disguised as the Easter Bunny, and he really doesn't need to be here. I don't really get it. Anyway, moving on to _Anubis Newbie,_ there's this really annoying scene where Miguel is getting caught in all of these painful traps, but Felicity is able to walk right through them while looking down at her phone. Ugh! I hate it when they use this trope of all the bad stuff happening to one character who's actually trying while nothing happens to the other one. It makes her look worse than how she really is."

Zoroark then winked and said, "And now for the tricky!"

Zoroark tapped his foot and said, "So, the ending of _Anubis Newbie_ is interesting, it that first it tries to give a moral about what it means to take charge. King Nacho was impressed by how Miguel told Felicity not to held him, but then when the mummy overpowered him he decided to ask for help. I guess the idea is that Miguel was able to see when to do a job himself and when to ask for help. I suppose that's a good message, even those in charge need assistance sometimes. And the ending _was_ a bit predictable, with Miguel choosing his friend over being a king. But it was a heartwarming moment, especially with how Felicity was willing to support his dream even if it meant saying goodbye forever. And let's not forget how this show likes to photoshop in live action photographs and objects and manipulate them so it's like they're animated. Like, they'll be a crowd of people taken from a photo with their mouths opening up and down to make it look like they're laughing and cheering. I know it's meant to be part of the style, and it's not as creepy as the Sun, but I think I'd like it better if the animation was consistent. It just seems lazy to me."

Zoroark then smiled sheepishly and said, "Also, does anyone else find it weird that the clearly Egyptian looking characters are all portrayed as Mexican?"

Zoroark tossed his arms up and said, "And so, that was the first episode of _Rainbow Butterfly Unicorn Kitty,_ and I can honestly say that it is _not_ a _Unikitty!_ rip off. The main character game from a meme that predates _The LEGO Movie,_ and the characters, setting, animation style, and type of humor are very different. No one is saying that _Zootopia_ is a rip off of _Fantastic Mr. Fox_ just because they both have foxes in them, so why get angry about this? So far, this show looks good, and it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on both of these shows so we can compare them and she what works and what doesn't."

Zoroark pointed with a claw and said, "Now I wanna here from you? Which show do you like better? Also, what other similar shows or movies or games or whatever have you seen and wondered if one ripped off the other? Come on, let me know!"

Zoroark smiled a bit and said, "Be sure to Follow and Favorite, you won't regret it! Night Slash! _**Raaar!**_ "

Zoroark then stepped forward and playfully swiped at the camera.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _Ronald McDonald vs The Burger King. Flash In The Pan Hip Hop Conflicts Of Nowadays_ by _**ERB2**_

 _Black Nerd Comedy_

 _TV Tropes_

 _Wikipedia_


	53. The Talking Eevee

_**BOOOOOM!**_

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

 _ **I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'M NEVER GIVING IN!  
ON WITH THE SHOW!**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

 _ **I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!  
On. . . with the show. . .**_

 _ **On. . . with the show. . .**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.

 _ **SHOW!**_

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 19: The Talking Eevee by Pinkie pie sweets**

 **Thu mbnail: TinyURL: ****y7vjd6f6**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a smile, "Do any of you recall a movie back in February of 2013 called _A Talking Cat!?_?"

Loud booing and groaning could be heard from an unseen audience.

Keldeo let out a nervous laugh and said, "Heh. Okay. Well, how about a movie back in September of 2013 called _A Talking Pony!?_?"

The booing and groaning suddenly became furious and enraged shouting, much to Keldeo's shock.

Keldeo gulped and said nervously, "Oh. . .wow. . . I guess David DeCoteau is on the same level as M. Night Shyamalan and Michael Bay, if not _lower._ Oh boy, well, I was trying to segue into this review. I was gonna say something like: 'Well, how about a fanfic back in the summer of 2018 called _The Talking Eevee_?'."

Immediately, there was the sound of tremendous cheering that was way stronger than the previous angry shouting.

Keldeo stood in shock once again, then he remarked, "Huh. . .I knew Eevee was popular, but. . . wow. . ."

* * *

 _ **The Talking Eevee**_

 _By: Pinkie pie sweets_

 _In Lilycove City, there's a Pokémon contest, and two coordinators, Serena and Dawn are participating in it. But plans changed when they meet a human speaking, shiny color Eevee that is endangered of being captured by a poacher. Plus, this Eevee has a dream to be in a Pokémon Contest. Can the two coordinators protect the Eevee and help makes it's dream come true?_

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Adventure/Friendship - Dawn/Hikari, Eevee/Eievui, Serena - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,799 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: Jul 23, 2018 - Published: Jun 28, 2018 - Status: Complete - id: 12983713_

* * *

Keldeo nodded his head and said, "I don't really have much to say right up front. It has a talking Eevee in it. It takes place after Serena parts ways with Ash. Serena meets Dawn. It sounds promising, so let's get right into it! This is _The Talking Eevee._ "

The story begins in Lilycove City, where Serena and her Pokemon are practicing for the Pokemon Contest. We get some nice moves between them all and some nice teamwork, when all of a sudden, something catches their attention."

* * *

 _Serena looks at the bushes, and questions, "What was that?"_

 _The bushes begin to rustle even more. Her three Pokemon are ready to attack to protect their trainer. As the bushes move, whatever it is is getting closer and closer. As the three Pokemon are about to attack, something has come out of the bushes, and it's anything but dangerous._

 _"Its… its an… Eevee!" Serena says in surprise._

 _Indeed, it is an Evee. However, this Eevee is different, the coat and eye color is different. This Eevee's coat is silver with white collar fur and tip on the tail, and the eye color is blue._

 _"It is an Eevee, but the coat and eye color are different," Serena says to herself._

 _Taking a closer look at the small Pokemon, Serena notices cuts, bruises, and dirt marks all over the silver coat, and is limping on the front right leg._

 _Serena gasps, "I… I think it's hurt._

 _Serena runs towards the Eevee to see what kind of condition it is in. Eevee becomes nervous to see Serena, that it tries to best to run, but the injured leg makes it impossible to do so. It falls on it's side while trying to run._

 _Serena gets down on her knees, and says, "Please don't run away. You're injured very bad, and you need help. Please, let me take you to see Nurse Joy."_

 _Braixen and the other Pokemon communicate with Eevee trying to reason with it. The silver Eevee is hesitating about it, then looks at Serenna. Seeing the gentle smile, the carrying eyes, the Eevee can tell Serena really cares, and wants to help._

 _Suddenly, Serena hears the Eevee says, "H-he-help… help… me."_

 _Serena becomes stunned, and believes she is hearing things._

 _But the Eevee says, "Please… Do-don't… don't let him… f-f-ind… me."_

* * *

"Well, their goes any chance you had of _not_ attracting attention!" Keldeo said in mild annoyance, "Why'd you reveal that you can talk for? For all you know, the moment you're healed up at the Pokemon Center, Serena will be waiting with an Ultra Ball with your name on it! Sure, _we_ know that Serena isn't like that and would only want to help Eevee and get Eevee to safety, but Serena's a complete stranger to Eevee! Why reveal your secret to someone you just met? Imagine if other people acted like this."

 _A man ran over to Peter Parker and said, "Excuse me, young man! You dropped your pencil!"_

 _Peter smiled and said, "Oh, wow, thanks sir. By the way, I'm Spiderman."_

"Think, Eevee! Think!" Keldeo said as he put his right forehoof to the side of his head.

Keldeo put his hoof back down and sighed. "Well, Serena rushes Eevee to the Pokemon Center, and Eevee is taken in to get healed." Keldeo then cracked a smile and said, "And, you know, maybe I was out of line about what I said earlier. I mean, it's not like Serena is gonna tell the first random stranger she meets that she found a talking Shiny Eevee, I mean, that would just be ridiculous-."

* * *

 _Dawn asks the new comer, "What happened to that poor Eevee?!"_

 _"I don't know. It came out of the bushes and looked injured and tired. It was covered in scratching and bruises. And I think it's paw's injured too," Serena explains_

 _Dawn says in concern, "That's awful."_

 _"You want to know what's unbelievable. That Eevee talked. I mean talked like a person," Serena adds._

* * *

 _ **Sweetie Belle:**_ _"OH, COME ON!"_

Keldeo smiled and said, "And _that's_ why I think Ash should be with Iris instead."

Loud booing broke out, but Keldeo just stood smiling until they stopped.

"Well, at any rate, the subject of a talking Eevee brings up a mutual foe of the two girls."

* * *

 _"It talked?" Dawn questions._

 _Serena nods her head, and says, "Yes. I never heard of a talking Eevee. Then again, I had a lot of encounters with a talking Meowth…"_

 _"Wait! Did you saw a talking Meowth?" Dawn asks._

 _"Um, yes," Serena answers, looking a bit skeptic._

 _Suspecting the Pokemon Serena is referring to, Dawn asks, "By any chance did that Meowth happen to be a part of an Organization called Team Rocket."_

 _Serena gasps, and says, "That's right. How do you know that?"_

 _"Because I had trouble with them in the Sinnoh Region. They always try to take other people's Pokemon. Especially my friend's Pikachu."_

 _"Pikachu?" Serena quietly questions._

 _She begins to wonder if she knows a certain someone who has a Pikachu._

 _Serena asks, "By any chance, does the trainer who has the Pikachu is name Ash Ketchum of Pallet Town?"_

 _"Yeah! Are you saying you traveled with him and Pikachu?!" Dawn asks in surprise._

 _"I did. In fact, I met Ash when I was little, and I traveled with him in the Kalos Region. That's where I'm from," Serena answers._

 _"No way! I traveled with Ash when he was at the Sinnoh Region," Dawn says._

 _"Wow! I guess we both have lots of adventures with him," Serena happily replies._

 _"You can say that again. By the way, my name is Dawn," Dawn says, introducing herself._

 _"Hi Dawn. My name is Serena," Serena happily replies._

* * *

"Meanwhile, our villain is out in the forest with his Pokemon, searching for the talking Shiny Eevee."

* * *

 _The man is tall, around his thirties, and a bit muscular. He has black hair, and a scar on his right cheek going over his eye. He is wearing a black shirt, with light brown cargo pants, brown combat boots. The man looks around for the Pokemon he is looking for._

 _He then notices small paw prints on the floor._

 _He says to himself, "So… The target when this way after all."_

* * *

"He _better_ not be named Scar," Keldeo said in complete seriousness.

* * *

 _Nurse Joy escort Serena and Dawn to see the injured Eevee. The two girls follow the nurse inside the emergency room. They they reach the room where the Eevee, they can see it wrapped in bandages. There's one wrapped on its paw, on its head, it's left ear, on its stomach, and on its tail .Serena and Dawn eyes water to see the condition of the pokemon._

* * *

"Their eyes are watering? What does it smell bad in there?" Keldeo remarked.

The booing and jeering returned, and Keldeo groaned and said, "Oh come on! It's not my fault this story has weird writing!"

* * *

 _Dawn asks, "Nurse Joy, do you know if there are any Pokemon causing trouble or Pokemon Poachers around?"_

 _"Now that you mention it, there rumored to be a ruthless Pokemon Poacher who goes by the name of Scar-_

* * *

"NO!" Keldeo shouted defiantly, "NO! Just. . . NO! How lazy can you get? You know what, forget it! I'm calling him Tim. You know, like the Pokemon Hunter from _Mew's Stupid Adventure_ by tillerian. Yeah, from now on, the villain is Tim. At least that name is ironically clever, because he's this big bad Pokemon hunter who's tough and dangerous, but he has this short and non-threatening name. You can't just give a character a scar and then call him scar, unless you were the first one to ever do it, that's why Scar worked in _The Lion King._ He's the only one who will ever be able to pull off that name. So, this guy here, his name is now Tim."

* * *

 _"Well, you see… the Eevee actually talked like a person, and… I think this Pokemon Poacher Scar is after it," Serena answers in concern._

 _"What?!" Nurse Joy exclaims._

* * *

"Why don't you just shout it on the rooftops?" Keldeo said sarcastically, "Or even better, why don't you just go on the TV news? Then the entire world will know about it! Seriously, why are you telling everyone that the Eevee can talk? Do you seriously not know how to keep a secret? I know you revealed your crush on Ash when you kissed him, but just because you revealed your secret that doesn't mean everyone else has to reveal theirs!"

"So, Eevee wakes up and tries to escape."

* * *

 _Eevee begins to get up again as it feels the pain on it's body. Once it's up, the little Eevee begins to walk as it limps, and manages to get off the bed and onto the floor. Then the determined Eevee continues to limp as it tries to leave the room._

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said in a deadpanned expression, "Oh wow, look at Eevee go. Yeah, there's no way Tim will be able to catch her now."

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-Test complete."_

"Well, Piplup spots Eevee before she can get away, and the humans are able to talk some sense into it, which is a good thing because judging by the way she's been acting and the choices she's been making, she has no common sense at all!"

* * *

 _"Eevee, I know that you're trying to get away from someone, but you can't with the condition you're in," Dawn says._

 _"Dawn's right, you must say in the medical room until you're better," Nurse Joy._

 _Eevee sighs, "Okay. and I guess I can't go see the Pokemon Contest like this. Even though I really want to be a part of it."_

* * *

Keldeo face hoofed, then he put his hoof back down and said, "You know, Tim probably wouldn't be after you if you didn't talk to every human you met! Seriously, just don't talk! Just don't! It's an easy thing _not_ to do! Are you not able to speak in Pokemon language? Why not just fake it when there are humans around! All you gotta do is say your species name over and over again! It's so easy, a _Psyduck_ could do it!"

"WHAT!?"

Keldeo turned to see that a Psyduck was standing off camera holding up a boom microphone. The Psyduck threw down the boom microphone and glared at Keldeo angrily. "NOT. COOL," the Psyduck said as he pointed accusingly at Keldeo, then he turned and stormed off in a huff.

"I did not know you were there!" Keldeo shouted out after him in desperation, "I – I – I-." **(1)**

Munna flew over from behind the camera and looked down at Keldeo in shame. "That was racist," she said darkly.

Keldeo groaned, and he looked towards the filming lights where Victini and Floyd were. "Can you guys go apologize to Psyduck for me?"

"Sure, no problem," Victini said, and he and Floyd went after Psyduck.

"Why'd you send them?" Munna asked testily.

Keldeo frowned at Munna and said, "Because I need you to keep the camera rolling. Besides, you'd probably just make him hate me ever more. And why didn't you tell me you hired someone?"

"I did!" Munna shouted in exasperation, "But you were so busy playing _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, Super Mario Odyssey,_ and _Fortnite_ with Matthais while Zoroark filled in for you during your vacation that you either weren't paying attention or forgot about it."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Look, I really am sorry for that remark, but Misty's Psyduck really left an impression on all of us, for better or for worse."

"Worse," Munna said.

"Can we please get back to the review? I promise, I'll give that Psyduck a proper apology when we're through, and I'll do what I can to make it up to him. I give you my word as a Sword of Justice."

"Fine," Munna said, and she flew back behind the camera.

Keldeo cleared his throat and said, "So, it turns out Eevee fell in love with Pokemon Contests after seeing Dawn go up against Zoey."

* * *

 _What really caught my attention and inspired me to want to be in a contest is on the final round. There was one girl coordinator name Zoey who has a Glameow and a Gallade and the other coordinator name Dawn with a Piplup and Togekiss. It was the most amazing contest battle I have ever seen. At the end, the Zoey won the contest with little amount of points she has when the time is up."_

 _Dawn gasp with a smile, "Hey, that was the final round contest battle I was in with Zoey!"_

 _"Yeah. I traveled along Hoenn to see all kind of battles, but whenever there's a contest in the town I'm in, I go to watch it from the t.v or get in the stadium to watch the pormance. I was actually going to watch the Lilycove contest…" Eevee explains with glee._

 _But becomes sad and nervous as it says, "That is, until that horrible man and his Pokemon attacked me. He said people will pay millions for a shiny Eevee with blue color eyes and I can talk. It scares to to hear that he wants to sell me to who knows who."_

* * *

"Well, maybe if you just didn't go around talking to humans- sorry, I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on that," Keldeo muttered.

"So, while Eevee rests some more, Serena and Dawn have a Pokemon battle between Braixen and Togekiss. Then they share Pokepuffs and Poffins, and come up with an idea to put on a special show for Eevee."

* * *

 _The next day, all the Pokemon Coordinators are on their final day of practice before the Pokemon Contest start in two more days. In the Pokemon Center having breakfast with their Pokemon, Serena and Dawn are also discussing on the pre performance they are planning to do for Eevee._

 _"Alright, after Braixen uses it fire blast I will use Buneary' ice beam attack," Dawn says._

 _"Sounds interesting," Serena says._

 _Dawn nods her head, "I got that inspiration from an ice cream bar that has tomato berry jelly inside."_

 _"That's amazing. You made a contest move from a desert," Serena says, sounding impressed._

 _"Not as much as you used your Pokemon's attack to create a blooming flower from your Master Class Performance," Dawn replies._

 _"And I'll bet Eevee will have a fun time seeing what you didn't for the appeals round during your Sinnoh Grand Festival," Serena complements._

 _The two girls then giggle with smiles on their faces. Just then, Nurse Joy walks over with the talking, shiny, Eevee in her arms._

 _"Hello girls, I'll be happy to let you know that Eevee is doing a lot better now. It will still need to be off of its pay, but Eevee is going a lot better now," Nurse Joy says with a smile._

* * *

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Yeah, you may or may not have noticed this, but the author seems to have a habit of putting in the wrong letter or letters. Like didn't instead of did or pay instead of paw. This happens a lot in this fanfic, and it annoys me. I know it wouldn't come out as a misspelling, so it's understandable that the author might gloss over it, but still, there are a lot more of those in here than you would normally expect to see."

* * *

 _"Dawn and I decided to show you some of our contest performance," Serena says._

 _"We're going to give you your own personal show," Dawn adds._

 _Eevee eyes sparkles with a big smile, "Really?!"_

* * *

Keldeo smiled and said, "There's no real sense in me including them in the review. But trust me when I say that everything is well written with plenty of details and excellent word choice that makes it all seem real. The author did a really good job in putting the images of a Pokemon performance in your head. Go see it for yourself."

"Anyway, it turns out Zoey was watching as well, and Dawn introduces her to her new friends."

* * *

 _"Hey! I never seen an Eevee in this color before. Does it belong to you?" Zoey asks in surprise._

 _"No. Eevee is a wild Pokemon," Serena answers._

 _"That's right. I'm kind of on my own," Eevee replies._

 _Zoey gaps, and asks, "Did… did it just talk?"_

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said, "Eevee, haven't you ever heard the old saying, _'discretion is the better part of valor?'_ Seriously, if someone is trying to kill or kidnap you because of something you did or can do, isn't the most logical course of action to just stop doing that thing!"

"Well, after some more dialogue, Tim finally shows up and tries to get Eevee."

* * *

 _The girls look to see the man with the scar is walking towards them._

 _"Excuse me, but by any chance you have an Eevee of a different color with you?" The man asks._

 _The three girls look at the man with serious looks on their faces. There is something about that man that shouldn't be trusted._

 _Zoey firmly asks, "Why do you want to know?"_

 _"Because that Pokemon rightfully belongs to me, and I would like to get my hands on it," the man asks._

* * *

"You look and sound like a supervillain," Keldeo said sternly.

"So, the girls tell Tim to leave and. . . he just. . . leaves?" Keldeo blinked his eyes in confusion, "Who trained him, Swiper the Fox!"

 _ **Serena, Dawn, and Zoey:**_ _"Poacher, no poaching! Poacher, no poaching! Poacher, no poaching!"_

 _ **Tim:**_ _"Oh, maaaaan!"_

* * *

 _I think this man is the Pokemon Poacher Eevee and Nurse Joy told us about," Dawn says._

* * *

 _ **The Intoxiquer:**_ _"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!"_

Keldeo gave his eyes a roll and said, "Now, you would _think_ that the girls would let Officer Jenny know that the Pokemon poacher is in the city, but-."

* * *

 _"So what is it you need to report to me about?" Officer Jenny asks._

 _"We met this man by the name of Scar. And according to little Eevee, this man has used his Pokemon to hunt it down," Dawn explains._

 _Serena brings out Eevee from her backpack, "Eevee got hurt because of it."_

* * *

Keldeo's eyes widened, "Wait, they actually made a correct, logical decision? Oh my gosh!"

* * *

 _"That's him! He's the one who attacked me when I cramming to the city," Eevee confirms in shock._

 _Officer Jenny becomes surprised and confused, "Huh? A talking Eevee?"_

 _"Um yeah," Eevee shyly replies._

* * *

 _ **Rigby:**_ _"STOP TALKING!"_

"What is wrong with this Eevee?!" Keldeo complained, "It's like a person who goes around telling everyone that he has a million dollars in his mattress at home and always keeps the front door unlocked. Does she want to hide or to get attention? She can't have both!"

* * *

 _Officer Jenny sighs in relief. "Good. I'm glad I wasn't hearing things. Either way, maybe I can get your testimony about what Scar was trying to do."_

 _"Okay," Eevee answers, nodding its head._

* * *

"I'm starting to wonder if Tim is just wasting his time here," Keldeo remarked, "I mean, no one seems to react to a talking Eevee with anything beyond slight interest. Doesn't seem like anyone would be willing to pay through the nose for her judging by how these people are reacting. And wait a minute, _testimony_? Officer Jenny, are you seriously gonna go back to the police station and tell your chief or boss or whoever that you got a testimony from a talking Eevee?"

 _From within the mental hospital, Officer Jenny could be heard crying out, "You gotta believe me, that Eevee did talk to me!" Then there was the sound of a loud electrical shock mingled with the woman's screams._

* * *

 _Nurse Joy smiles, and says, "I will be happy to let Eevee sit with me during the contest. So there's no need for you all to worry."_

 _"Thanks Nurse Joy, this really means a lot to us," Dawn says with a smile._

 _"And Eevee will get to watch us perform our contest moves from a great seat," Zoey adds._

* * *

"Yeah, I know I already insulted Psyduck, and I don't want to insult anyone else. . ." Keldeo said nervously, then he sighed and said, "But is a Nurse Joy really that much of a deterrent for a vicious Pokemon poacher?"

Keldeo then smiled sheepishly and said, "Unless she was the older one from _The Island of Illusions!_ In _Black and White: Unova Adventures,_ becauseshe was awesome."

"So, the next day, the Lilycove Pokemon Contest is about to begin."

* * *

 _Eevee then looks at the stuff the Coordinators are doing. They are getting themselves, and Pokemon ready for the contest._

 _Eevee looks at the others, and asks, "Serena, can have my fur brush and have accessories on me. I want to look good."_

 _"Sure. What will you like?" Serena answer._

 _"Ribbons," Eevee eagerly answers._

 _Then calmly says, "And maybe a few flowers too."_

 _"That sounds cute," Dawn says._

 _"Well, it's like Ninetales always tell me, sometimes a girl needs to accessorize and make sure your fur is clean," Eevee says._

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait, WHAT!? Ninetales? What Ninetales?" Keldeo exclaimed in utter confusion, "Is she your mom? Your sister? Your role model? Who are you talking about?"

* * *

 _Zoey laughs, "I'm guessing you're quiet a little lady are you."_

 _"I maybe a girl Eevee, but I'm tougher than I look," Eevee says, with a smile on her face._

 _"Then let's do a little accessorizing before the contest starts," Serena says._

 _"Yeah," The two girls and the little Pokemon cheer._

* * *

"Wait! Wait! Go back! What about the Ninetales? Aren't we gonna find out who she was?" Keldeo said, "You can't just bring up a character out of nowhere and then not do anything with it! Couldn't we have gotten a quick flashback or something?" Keldeo frowned and said, "Come to think of it, we're already halfway through this fanfic and we haven't even found out how Eevee can talk! Are we just _never_ gonna find out? That's lazy! We learned how Meowth learned to talk in the Anime, and it gets briefly brought up once a Generation, so why can't we get an explanation for how this Eevee learned to talk. Between this and the large number of easy to fix typos, I can't help but feel like this author was in a rush to get this out for some reason."

Keldeo tapped his right forehoof against the ground with frustration as he continued, "But then, at the same time, the author clearly put a lot of effort into the Pokemon Performances. Zoey, Serena, and Dawn do their Appeals Performances, and they're amazing! Again, I'm not gonna copy and paste them into my review, go read the story yourselves. But it just blows mind how one part of a fanfic can be well written with details and attention, while the other can be done in a clearly rushed manner. It's almost like the author cared more about the performances than the actual plot and characters of the story. . ."

Keldeo eyes widened in horror, and he said, "Oh my gosh. . . that's the same problem _A Talking Cat!?_ And _A Talking Pony!?_ had!"

* * *

 _The screen then shows the eight pictures being shuffled on the screen. Then they picutres turns, and show who the eight Coordinators will be battle. Dawn is battling first with another girl. Zoey is battling with a boy in the third round. And Serena will be battling in the last round with another girl._

 _"Looks like I'm up first," Dawn replies._

 _"Don't worry Dawn, I know you'll do great," Serena says._

 _"Yeah. you can beat her," Eevee says._

 _Dawn giggles, and says, "Thanks."_

 _They then hear Nurse Joy calls, "Eevee, it's time for us to get back to our seats for the second round."_

 _"Okay," Eevee replies._

* * *

Keldeo now looked completely freaked out. "This is crazy," he said, "This is completely crazy! This fanfic is so much like those movies, it's starting to freak me out. The title of the story focuses on the talking creature, but the plot puts all of its focus on something else! Like, the talking creature is an afterthought, and you could either replace it with something else, or even remove it entirely, and the story could still work if you just tweaked a few other things. If you took out the talking Eevee, you'd still have a story about Serena, Dawn, and Zoey becoming friends and rivals. Maybe Tim could try and steal Serena's Pokemon, because they're from Kalos and valuable in Hoenn, seriously, why does this story _need_ a talking Eevee in it!?"

Keldeo sighed, "So, then we get some really cool battles that continue to be very well written, and Serena ends up beating Zoey and Dawn and winning the contest."

* * *

 _"You have given us a very unique performance. And your Pokemon and the audience were having so much fun watching it," Mr. Contesta says, presenting the ribbon to Serena_

 _"Thank you very much," Serena says._

 _She takes the ribbon and looks at it with a smile on her face._

 _She the hears Eevee asks, "Serena, can I see it?"_

 _"Sure," Serena answers with a giggle._

 _Serena kneels down and shows Eevee the ribbon. Eevee has never seen a ribbon that close before. Her eyes sparkles, and wishes she can have a ribbon like that._

* * *

"Oh yeah! There was a talking Eevee in this fanfic! I almost forgot!" Keldeo said loudly.

* * *

 _Suddenly, a scream begins to surrounds the area. Many Pokemon begins to enter the area and onto the battlefield. There is a Scizor, a Sneasel, a Tangela, a Fearow, a Houndoom and a Seviper. All of the Pokemon comes out the battlefield and surround Serena, Eevee, her Pokemon, and the judges._

 _"What is going on here?" Mr. Contesta asks._

 _"That isn't being very remarkable," Mr. Suziko adds in concern._

 _Eevee gasps, "Those Pokemon!"_

 _"What's wrong Eevee?" Serena asks in concern._

 _Eevee jumps into Serena's arms, and answers, "He's here!"_

* * *

"So Tim finally decides to make his move. . . in a densely populated area packed with Pokemon Trainers. . . ugh. . ." Keldeo said in annoyance, "You know, it would be funny if Tim was like, _'forget that Eevee, I want those Pokemon the Kalos girl has! Is that a Fairy-type!? Oh, ka-ching, ka-ching!'_ "

Keldeo chuckled a bit, but then frowned and said, "But no. Tim still wants the talking Shiny Eevee that nobody is impressed by, and decides to fight a 3 against 1. Even Eevee joins in on the fight!"

* * *

 _Nurse Joy asks in concern, "Eevee, are you sure you want to do this?"_

 _"Yes. My foot does feel a lot better, but I'm not going to stand there and let this rotten poacher push me, my friends, or any Pokemon around. I'm going to join my friends in battle," Eevee says with determination in her eyes._

 _Mr. Contesta comments, "You have to admit, that Eevee has a lot of spirit."_

 _"And wanting to stand by her friends is truly remarkable," Mr. Sukizo agrees._

 _"But Eevee, Scar hurt you the last time he saw you," Dawn worriedly says._

 _"I know, but I can't run away from him forever. I got to face him sooner or later, "Eevee replies._

* * *

"I feel bad," Keldeo remarked, "This would have been a very nice moment of character development if we got to spend more time with Eevee and maybe seen some backstory, or a flashback of Tim injuring her. It's basically Ash's Goodra's backstory done horribly wrong! Imagine if we never saw that flashback of Florges attacking him and sperating him from Wooper. It would suck all of the emotional impact out of his return to the wetlands."

"So, it turns out that Tim's Pokemon are all at level 100, because they pretty much dominate the girls' Pokemon without breaking a sweat. So, now we _finally_ get some backstory for Eevee. A little late in the game for that, don't you think?"

* * *

 _Eevee grits her teeth, and wonders in her thoughts, "What should we do? Scar's Pokemon are going to crush us if we don't do something. But how are we going to defeat them? They're so strong, and the others and I are going tired."_

 _Eevee closes her eyes, and remember something very important. She remember getting some attack lessons from a wise Venusaur far from here in a place called the Forbidden Forest. That is inhabited by grass type Pokemon. Eevee is able to stay there for a short time._

* * *

"Okay, that's a nice reference to _Grass Hysteria!,_ but still, it feels so jarring for us to suddenly have a flashback here during the climax instead of having them earlier. It doesn't even explain the Ninetales either because Fire-types aren't even allowed in that forest!" Keldeo explained, "Seriously, I barely know _anything_ about this Eevee other than she can talk, and that's just sad."

* * *

 _She remember Venusaur saying, "You must remember to stand up what your believe in, and never let anyone stand in your way. You must work hard on your attacks if you want them to show how much you shine. You must be wise about using that move, it's a powerful move, and an Eevee never performed that move. You must use it wisely, and guard that power well."_

* * *

"So Eevee tells Nurse Joy to open the roof, and the other Pokemon to pretty much just throw all of their attacks together, and she also tosses in a Solar Beam for good measure. Yeah, it's one of those fanfics where a Pokemon uses a move it's not supposed to."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Well, if an Eevee can talk for literally no reason, I suppose anything is possible."

* * *

 _Eevee unleashes a beam of solar light, that hits the combine attack and travel across the area. The power of the girls' Pokemon and Eevee's attack are enough to cut through the other attack, and… boom… The attack has strike at the Pokemon._

 _Soon, rainbow sparkles, pink flower petals, and small blue obs are floating down the stadium. Everyone are astonished to see the multi combined moves being performed._

 _Scar becomes stunned to see all of his Pokemon are knocked out. He grits his teeth in anger, and put all of his Pokemon back in their pokeballs._

* * *

"So, Officer Jenny shows up and arrests him, and the day is finally saved. Although I still have trouble figuring out how he was gonna get out of there if he _had_ won. I'm pretty sure literally everyone in the stadium would've pounced on this guy!"

* * *

 _Mr. Contesta comes over, and says, "So Eevee, the girls told me that you have a passion for Pokemon Contests."_

 _"That's right, Mr. Contesta. I watch the contest all the time, and I know who you are. You're the head of the Pokemon Contest Committee. And the one next to you is Mr. Sukizo, the president of the Pokemon Fan Club," Eevee answers._

 _"That's right. You're quite knowledgeable," Mr. Contest says._

 _"Thank you," Eevee replies._

 _Then Eevee asks, "So girls, are you going to be heading off after this?"_

 _"We are. We'll be heading to the next contest," Serena answers._

 _Then Zoey asks, "But what about you Eevee? What will you do?"_

 _"I'm going to travel some more and do some training. Then go to where the next contest will be at next," Eevee answers._

 _Dawn saddens, and says, "So you'll be traveling by yourself."_

 _"Seems like it," Eevee says._

* * *

"If you knew how to stop talking, I'd be okay with this. But since you clearly can't. . . well. . . you kinda have a permeant target on your back. . . or voice," Keldeo said slowly.

* * *

 _Serena, Dawn, Zoey, and Eevee are starting to feel down. Eevee will be all alone, training, traveling, and watching the contest alone. Plus, the girls have become attached to this Eevee. They will feel sad about parting ways from each other._

 _Suddenly, Zoey smiles, turns to Serena and says, "Serena, I think you should be the one to raise Eevee?"_

 _"Huh?" Serena reples._

 _Eevee twitches her eyes and look at Dawn with a confused look._

 _"What do you mean?" Serena asks._

 _"I mean Eevee should travel with you. That way, Eevee can be in Pokemon Contest, and will have a good Coordinator to help it out. Plus, in a way, I'd say we all got attached to Eevee, and it will be sad to let Eevee be alone, " Zoey explains._

 _Dawn like the idea, and says, "Yeah. Beside, you're the one who first came to Eevee when it was in trouble. Plus, you're also the one who helped take care of it."_

 _"Well, uh, I don't know," Serena says, sounding unsure._

 _She turns to Eevee, and asks, "What would you want?"_

 _"Well, I do love being with you three. You all have been so nice to me. You all take care of me, feed me, and showed me your contest moves. I really want to be with you even more. And I can learn more about being in contests this way. Mostly, I get to hang out with Serena and see you two sometime," Eevee says, giving the question a lot of thought._

 _Eevee smiles, and says, "I think I would like to be your Pokemon. If that's alright?"_

 _"I will be glad," Serena happily replies._

 _Serena takes out her pokeball and presents it to Eevee. Eevee taps her paw on it, and the pokeball opens up. Then Eevee goes into the pokeball. Once Eevee inside, the pokeball shakes a little as the button flashes red. Then the pokeball clicks, meaning capture is complete._

 _"Alright, I caught Eevee!" Serena happily cheers._

 _Serena then releases Braixen, Sylveon, Pancham, and Eevee out at the same time._

 _Serena smiles, and says, "Hey guys, Eevee is going to stay with us."_

 _"I hope I will be a great member to your team," Eevee replies._

 _Braixen, Pancham, and Sylveon gather around Eevee and give it a hug. The others are glad to see that Eevee is happy, and is going to be traveling with Serena to perform in more Pokemon Contests._

* * *

"And that was _The Talking Eevee,_ which feels like someone ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and told the cook to hold the cheese," Keldeo said, sounding very unimpressed, "I mean, it's not like this fanfic was _bad_ or anything. It just didn't really grab me. Eevee should have shared the spotlight with Serena and the other girls, but instead she just becomes a plot device that occasionally makes a remark. We never learn how she can talk, why she can talk, where she came from, what happened to her family, NOTHING! Her knowing the Venusaur from that Forbidden Forest was something, but it came to late in the story and didn't really tell us anything about Eevee's character. And vaguely mentioning some random Ninetales doesn't help either. We never get know Eevee as a character, so it's hard to get invested in the story. We could have at least gotten a unique name for her instead of 'Talking Shiny Eevee.' Liking contests and being groomed is not enough to create a defined character. Eevee simply isn't fleshed out at all, and all the focus is put on the performances. And the funny part is that it might have been better if we simply didn't even have a talking Eevee at all! This fanfic could have been a nice story chronicling Serena's adventures and new friends in Hoenn. But instead, it's just one big pile of wasted opportunities."

Keldeo nodded and said, "Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't-."

"Ahem!" Munna said as she floated over to Keldeo.

"What is it?" Keldeo asked.

Munna motioned behind him, and Keldeo turned to see Floyd and Victini leading Psyduck over to them.

"Oh. . ." Keldeo said gravely, then he sighed, looked Psyduck right in the eye, and said, "I'm sorry for that hurtful comment I made about you. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

"You can review a certain fanfic for me," Psyduck said without hesitation.

"Sure. Which one," Keldeo said with a smile.

Psyduck motioned for Keldeo to bend down slightly. Keldeo complied, and Psyduck whispered something into his ear.

Keldeo's pupils shrank as he heard glass breaking all around him. Everything went pitch black. He was floating in a dark void. Then, he let out a scream as fell down into the depths of the world of darkness.

Back in reality, Keldeo stood frozen solid like a statue.

Concerned, Victini poked Keldeo in the side and said, "Uh, Keldeo? Keldeo?"

Then, Keldeo promptly collapsed limply on the ground.

"KELDEOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Victini cried out as Munna and Floyd stared idly by.

Meanwhile, Psyduck laughed quietly to himself as he slowly walked off.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 **Footnoted References**

 **(1)** _Geico: So Easy a Caveman Can Do It_

 **Other References**

 _A Talking Cat!? (2013)_

 _A Talking Pony!? ( aka A Pony Tale) (2013)_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Mew's Stupid Adventure_ by tillerian


	54. Illusion Fox Reviews: The LEGO Movie 2

**Illusion Fox Comedy**

Zoroark smiled and pointed as he said, "Hi, I'm Zoroark! I'm an Illusion Fox and I got a review for _YOU_!"

* * *

 **ILLUSION FOX REVIEWS**

* * *

" _The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part!_ " Zoroark declared excitedly, "Everything is _**MORE**_ awesome, cause it's in space, with dinosaurs and musical numbers. Best synopsis ever!"

Zoroark held up a claw and said, "They'll be a few minor spoilers here and there. Just a little warning. So, it wouldn't hurt to leave and come back later if you want to see the movie. Anyway, I'm gonna give you the good! I'm gonna give you the bad! Then I'm gonna give you the tricky!"

Zoroark grinned widely and said, "First the good! This movie is just like the first movie in that it's a. . .a. . .a. . . oh what's that word that means a story means something else. . . uh. . .uh. . . Allegory! That's right, it's an allegory! The first movie was about a boy's relationship with his strict, unimaginative father; the second movie is about the fighting and lack of communication between a boy and his little sister. It's only when the two reconnect on common ground, which in this case is their love of LEGOs, and stop fighting does the conflict of the film resolve itself. Also, while the first movie had to hide the fact that the LEGO world was being controlled by actual people in the real world, this movie doesn't have to hide it until the end and can better utilize it earlier on. This makes the allegory stronger, as well the connect between the human and LEGO worlds."

Zoroark the shrugged and said, "As for the songs, well, they were all catchy and fun. They were all good. But none of them were super amazing or anything. The song that was supposed to 'get stuck in my head' _was_ fun, but it _didn't_ get stuck in my head. So, yeah, the songs were good but didn't really stand out."

Then Zoroark gave an enormous grin and said, "Except for the queen's quote-unquote 'villain song.' Man oh man, that was one of the best villain songs EVER! The way the lyrics were phrased, as well as the music and visuals, it was just so great. The way the lines are so ironic and stuff, while it has the tone of someone trying to influence their victims, oh it's just so cool!"

Zoroark then nodded eagerly as he continued, "In fact, I'd say the queen herself was an awesome concept. A collection of LEGO blocks that is constantly shape-shifting into all kinds of things every few seconds is a brilliant idea for a LEGO movie. But it must've been pretty hard to animate. Speaking of animation, it goes without saying that the LEGO style of animation is in full swing and totally fun to look at it. This movie is gorgeous eye candy!"

Zoroark then folded his arms and said, "Now, while this movie does do that overused surprise twist villains, it makes up for it by having a surprise twist not-villain! And it makes sense! It's made obvious from the very start of the film that the aliens represent the little sister. And what are younger children like? Emotional and bad at communicating they're thoughts and feelings! So, why do the queen and the other aliens look like villains?"

Zoroark gave a big grin and said, "Because they're overly emotional and poor communicators! The characters even say that in the movie! Genius!"

"One last thing. We get kind three big reveals during this movie about three of the characters. One is kinda cliché. The other is clever and funny and happens in the very last minute of the film. But one of them is so mind blowingly clever and meaningful and emotional and touching and genius- oh my gosh, and it's right in front of your face the whole time! Once you see it, your mind will be blown, I swear!"

Zoroark frowned a little and said, "Now for the bad. Time travel. Now, I know lots of people say that time travel can ruin a good story if it isn't done right. But since this movie is just a story two kids are acting out, it might be easier to go along with. The problem is that the time travel isn't part of the kids' story! You know that scene from the first movie where Emmet is able to move by himself without anyone moving him? Well, that's how the time travel happens in this movie! One of the characters moves by itself, builds a time machine, and travels back in time _**in the real world!**_ "

Zoroark covered his face and growled, "Rrrraaaar! That makes no sense! The character literally changes the lives of the human characters by the power of imagination that never belonged to it in the first place."

Zoroark uncovered his face and sighed, "Well, I don't know, maybe the time travel was actually just another layer of the kid's imagination, which would require him to be someone self-aware of the whole situation, unless this is just him adding to the story he made after the fact? I think the main issue here is that the movies are so ambiguous on whether the LEGOs really are aliveor they're given life by the people who play with them. But even if they were alive, they shouldn't be able to travel through time in the real world!"

Zoroark then snickered deviously and said, "And now for the tricky! You know that scene from the trailer that showed Unikitty's castle and Puppycorn? Well, it turns out that scene is just an imagine spot during the queen's song, when she tempts Unikitty to join her. Puppycorn doesn't speak or anything, he just floats there as a cameo. But we _do_ see Unikitty's castle in the final scene of the movie, so it _does_ get physically built, but sadly we never see Unikitty interact with Puppycorn or any of the other _Unikitty!_ characters. That's disappointing, because I really wanted to see some connection between the movies and the spin-off show."

Zoroark sighed and said, "Well, I guess _The LEGO Movie_ and _Unikitty!_ are connected in the same way _Toy Story_ and _Buzz Lightyear of Star Command_ are connected. It's a separate show in a separate universe with only a character in common."

Zoroark then smiled a bit and said, "Although Batman _does_ cameo in the episode _Bat Kitty,_ so. . ."

Zoroark nodded and continued, "Anyway, it's interesting how the surprise villain's motivation actually comes from being aware of the real world. Unlike Emmet, who used that knowledge to reform President Business and do good; the villain uses it as motivation to basically destroy the universe. So yeah, we've got a two sides of the same coin kind of thing going for the hero and villains. Pretty clever."

Zoroark grinned and went on, "Of course, this is a LEGO movie, so there are a TON of jokes, references, and visual gags that would take forever to list. The only way to experience them is to go see this movie yourself! Seriously go see it. NOW. When I tried to go see it the first showing was sold out. True story, it was sold out and I had to go see it at a later time. This movie is gonna be the number 1 movie in America, wait and see."

Zoroark then pointed and said, "Now I wanna hear from you! Did you think this movie was better than the first one? How about the Batman and Ninjago movies? Which LEGO movie would you like to see next? _The LEGO Unikitty Movie_? _The LEGO Batman 2 Movie_?"

Zoroark froze after saying that, he remarked, "Although, that might be a little tricky. I mean, it would have to happen before _this_ movie because. . . well. . . I said minimal spoilers so. . ."

Zoroark quickly put on a big smile and said, "Be sure to Follow and Favorite, you won't regret it! Night Slash! _**Raaar!**_ "

Zoroark then stepped forward and playfully swiped at the camera.

* * *

 **The End**


	55. Silverstream's Toilet Tour (plus Yona)

_**BOOOOOM!**_

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

 _ **I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!**_

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

 _ **I'M NEVER GIVING IN!  
ON WITH THE SHOW!**_

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

 _ **THE SHOW MUST GO ON!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .**_

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

 _ **I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!**_

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 _ **I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!  
On. . . with the show. . .**_

 _ **On. . . with the show. . .**_

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.

 _ **SHOW!**_

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 _ **The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 20: Silverstream's Toilet Tour by SPB and Yona and the Ice Cream by Alex_**

 **Thumbnail: TinyURL-** **y4bt35rz**

Keldeo was pacing back and forth with an angry look on his face.

He finally turned and said, "This fanfic...URGH!"

Keldeo paced around again for a bit, then turned and said, "I mean, it's...GAH!"

He started to stomp around again, and then turned and said, "It's really… BISCUITS! BISCUITS! BISCUITS!"

Keldeo sighed as he fought to compose himself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's just that. . . I can't even say the name of this fanfic without getting angry. Watch."

Keldeo too a deep breath, let it out, and said, " _Silverstream's Toilet To-_ _ **piece of filth fanfic!**_ "

A Soothe Bell was thrown at the side of Keldeo's head. Keldeo blinked his eyes, and he said calmly, "Thank you, Victini. _Silverstream's Toilet Tour._ "

* * *

 _ **Silverstream's Toilet Tour**_

 _By: SPB_

 _(Warning!: Contains non-fatal toilet flush content, reader discretion is strongly advised!) Silverstream becomes fascinated with pony toilets and decides that there's only one way to find out how they work, flushing herself down one. How will she do it without anyone finding out?_

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Words: 1,086 - Published: Sep 24, 2018 - Status: Complete - id: 13074526_

* * *

"But seriously, the name alone is enough to make you feel sick inside. I mean. . . _Silverstream's Toilet Tour_?" Keldeo said in disbelief. Then he shuddered and said, "Ugh! It sounds so wretched and foul! The premise doesn't even make any sense! Couldn't she just read a book or something?"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, because of that comment I made about Psyducks, I _have_ to go through with this. But the only way I could possibly get through this without going crazy is by reviewing it alongside a similar fanfic: _Yona and the Ice Cream._ "

* * *

 _ **Yona and the Ice Cream**_

 _By Alex__

 _There are many things Yona likes about living in Ponyville compared to Yakyakistan - her friends, the comforts of modern pony living, the busy streets. The heat is not one of them._

 _Coming from the Frozen North, she is not designed for heat. During the summer months, her only hope for keeping cool is something else they don't have back home: ice cream. As long as she can find some, that is._

* * *

"So, how exactly are these two fanfics similar?" Keldeo said, "Well, first of all, they both focus on a member of the Student Six that's obsessing over something. But more importantly, they're both essential jokes with stories wrapped around them. They both have a specific formula used to turn a simple joke into a bigger story. We have the Set Up, then the Lead In, then the Build Up, and finally the Punchline. So, which one does it better?"

Keldeo's eyes twitched as he grinned widely, "I think the answer is obvious, but let's do this anyway!"

Keldeo gave a determined nod and said, "First is the Set Up. This is the part that gives us a little background and context of the situation, so we can understand the joke better. Let's start with the Yona story, where we see a very hot yak on a very hot day."

* * *

" _Day hot. Fur heavy," she said. Looking around at the ponies with their cold drinks and ice creams, Yona resolved to find herself a cold treat of her own. Seeing many of the ponies were coming from the market, she headed in that direction._

 _The stalls were all selling different things – necklaces, fruit, giant hats – but not ice cream, it seemed. She continued walking a short way, getting hotter and hotter and more desperate._

 _At last – she felt as though she'd just crossed the desert – she found a stall with a 'Cold Drinks' sign hanging over it. Her face lit up and she ran over._

" _Give yak cold drink!" she ordered._

" _Oh, I'm sorry," said the mare. "But I'm afraid we sold out of all our cold drinks about an hour ago." She gestured with her hoof to a 'cold drinks sold out' sign hanging just below 'Cold Drinks'. Yona's mouth fell open and she started to tear up. At least, she would have done if she had any liquid left in her body to cry with. Trying to defuse the situation, the mare added, "But we still have hot drinks available, if you'd like one of them." She gave a sheepish smile. "Tea or coffee?"_

* * *

"Wow, you offer a person, who is clearly miserably hot, a _hot_ drink on a _hot_ day? Really?" Keldeo asked disbelief.

 _ **GLaDOS:**_ _"You are a horrible person. That's what it says. A horrible person."_

"Okay, so this Set Up is that Yona desperately needs something to cool her down, but isn't having any luck in that. Next let's take a look at the Silverstream story, which begins after the episode _What Lies Beneath._ Five of the Student Six are leaving class when they notice Silverstream isn't around."

* * *

 _Yona spoke up. "Guys, not that Yona mean to interrupt, but any creature notice Silverstream not with us?"_

 _"What do you mean, she's right here…" Sandbar began but when he turned to look he saw that indeed the hippogriff/sea pony was not with the group._

 _Gallus put a claw over his face. "Just great, so now we have to study for the test_ _and_ _look for our missing friend. Just where could she be?"_

 _Ocellus blushed. "Actually, I think she mentioned something to me briefly, just before the end of Professor Egghead… I mean Professor Rainbow Dash's class. She said she was gonna be in the bathroom and that she'd be a while."_

* * *

 _ **Yakko:**_ _"*Mwah* Goodnight everybody!"_

"Okay, this is easily the only good part of this entire fanfic," Keldeo said, "I like seeing these characters interact. Plus, Sandbar gets out a pretty good joke here."

* * *

 _Sandbar just giggled. "I told her not to eat all those treats Professor Pinkie Pie keeps bringing in. She's probably regretting it right about now,"_

* * *

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, that's our Set Up. Silverstream is doing something in the bathroom, and her friends aren't at all suspicious of what she's doing. As you can see, the Set Up in Yona's story is a little weaker cause all the focus is on Yona. The Silverstream story tries to acknowledge her other friends while at the same time dismissing them from the story. But that doesn't make it better or worse. Just different."

Keldeo nodded solemnly and said miserably, "Okay, now we have the Lead In. This is the part that slowly builds up towards the coming climax of the story, which in this case is the Build Up and Punchline. Let's see what Yona's story gives us."

* * *

" _Yak hot!" she yelled to nobody in particular; she just wanted to express her general frustration with the day's events. She realised that, being outside the school, she was also right next to the small lake that collected in front of it. She was briefly tempted to see if drinking from that gave her any relief, but then she paused. She wasn't quite sure where that water came from, and she was certain Gallus had said something about the school bathrooms emptying into it. He was probably joking – in fact, knowing him, he was likely joking – but she didn't want to risk in just in case._

* * *

Keldeo's jaw dropped, then he frowned furiously and said, "This is a plot. This is a plot. It _has_ to be. What are the chances of _both_ of these stories featuring _bathrooms_? This was planned somehow. I don't know how, maybe Psyduck is in cahoots with both of these authors or something. Seriously, _**what the heck's going on here?!**_ "

Keldeo took a deep breath and realeased, then he continued, "So, Yona goes into Twilight's castle to get some ice cream because. . . princesses always have ice cream on hand or hoof or. . . Gah! Whatever. Just because Princess Unikitty is often busy picking ice cream flavors of the month and plots elaborate raids on the freezer doesn't mean all princesses are obsessed with ice cream!" _**(1)**_

* * *

" _Oh hey there, Yona," she said. "You do know there's no school today, don't you? What are you doing here?"_

" _Sorry, professor," Yona replied. "Yak just very hot under angry sun. Yak seek ice cream."_

" _Oh, ice cream?" asked Twilight. "You know, we received a huge shipment of raspberry ice cream just the other day. Spike loves it, you see." Yona was practically drooling on the floor. "Yeah, normally you'd be more than welcome to have some, but..."_

" _But?"_

" _Well, you see, our freezer broke today. Awful luck, given how hot it is."_

* * *

 _ **Wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaaaaaah!**_

Keldeo smiled and shrugged comically.

"So, Yona is crushed by this, until she decides to see if Sugarcube Corner has any ice cream."

* * *

 _When she arrived, she saw a queue of ponies stretching out the door, as well as several happy customers leaving, licking their ice creams with huge grins on their faces. No! She was so close! These ponies would just have to get out of her way._

" _Yak hot!" Yona yelled as she barrelled into the ponies, scattering them like bowling pins and forcing her way in through the door. She bounded like an eager puppy to the front of the shop, where Professor Pie was serving customers._

" _Yona!" she called. "Are you okay? What's going on?"_

* * *

"' _Yeah, I'll just ask if you're okay while totally ignoring all those customers you just sent to the hospital'_ ," Keldeo said with a fake smile.

 _"My leg!"_ _ **(2)**_

* * *

" _Yak need ice cream!" Yona was so happy that she would finally be able to taste the treat she had spent the whole day trying to find; nothing that could be could come between her and her ice cream. "Yak need ice cream now!"_

" _Oh, I'm sorry, Yona. We just sold our last ice cream."_

 _All the joy was suddenly knocked out of her. "What?"_

" _Yeah, I'm sorry. There's just been such huge demand today. Mrs Cake is making some more, but it might be a while."_

" _No, no. There must be ice cream!" Yona yelled. Surely she couldn't be disappointed here, too._

" _Nopie, it's all gone! You're welcome to go and look in the freezers and see for yourself, if you want."_

* * *

"Okay, I'm not gonna do a _wah-wah_ joke again, because this is actually kind of sad," Keldeo explained, "Poor Yona is hot and miserable and suffering, and she simply _cannot_ find any relief."

Keldeo then smiled knowingly and said, " _However,_ most comedy _is_ based on some sort of misery. It all depends on how you use that misery to make jokes. In this case, the way in which Yona reacts to and tries to remedy her suffering is what makes it funny. For instance, the way she knocks down all those ponies like bowling pins. That's funny. And I'm sure the Punch Line of this story will depend on whatever crazy thing happens as a result of Yona's attempts to get ice cream."

Keldeo's face fell and he said, "But, that's gonna have to wait, because we have to go back to Silverstream's story now."

* * *

 _Now alone in the girl's bathroom, the hippogriff was looking all around to make sure the coast was clear. There wasn't a creature to be seen anywhere._

 _"Good," Silverstream said to herself as anticipation started to course through her body. "Now I can_ _finally_ _try out what I've been waiting all day to do! Pony plumbing is so fascinating!" She sprinted across the tile floor to one of the stalls, the door swinging open as she put a claw to it._

* * *

"Well, this _is_ the character who was overjoyed to see _stairs,_ " Keldeo said with a roll of his eyes, "I mean, okay, I guess it makes sense for her to be amazed by things like that. She lived underwater her entire life. Staircases and plumbing wouldn't need to exist underwater, so seeing them for the first time _would_ cause her to become curious. Aren't Hippogriffs like one-third cat or something? Add in a unique excitable personality, and maybe I could understand this."

* * *

 _Silverstream had never seen such a thing before. Apparently, it was what ponies used to get rid of their bodily wastes. At least, that's what she'd read from that plumbing book. The technical details had been so fascinating._

 _But there was only one way to see how it truly worked._

* * *

"Read a book? Talk to a plumber? Check out a hardware store? Find a toilet in a junk yard?" Keldeo offered.

* * *

 _Perching atop the seat, Silverstream briefly looked down at the bowl and marveled at how the waters within reflected her face. It was just like looking at her reflection in a lake or river._

" _Okay, here goes nothing!_ " _The hippogriff thought to herself as a wide smile started to form on her face._

* * *

"You know, that was probably the exact words of the author when he started writing this," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _Clutching her Pearl of Transformation necklace carefully, she transformed herself into her seapony form. Her wings disappeared as did as her claws, replaced by fins and flippers. Then she dipped her tail down into the bowl without a second's hesitation. The cool waters of the toilet bowl felt so inviting._

 _Now came the moment Silverstream had been looking forward to all day, she was going to flush herself down the toilet! She would then follow the pipes to wherever they exited, and from there make her way back to the school._

* * *

"Silverstream is _not_ my favorite member of the Student Six," Keldeo said quickly, "I do like all of them, but she's not my favorite. I think it's a tie between Gallus and Ocellus. But even so, I know for a fact that Silverstream isn't stupid, so seeing her being portrayed as some kind of moron makes me mad! The story told us that she is aware that bodily waste is put into the toilet, and most sane people tend to avoid _biohazards!_ Even the _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ know better than this! Yeah, they go _through_ the sewer a lot, but they _live_ in an abandoned subway! They don't just wallow in raw sewage all day! This is an insult to Silverstream's character!"

Keldeo huffed and said, "I really hate the 'airheaded girl' stereotype. I hate it even more when it's put on someone who doesn't deserve it. Silverstream is happy, excitable, likes hugging her friends, and wants to learn all she can about the surface world. She's not an emptyheaded fool that needs to be constantly monitored! Is this the kind of person Sonic was talking about when he warned against climbing into dryers?"

 _ **Sonic:**_ _"If you think it's smart to climb in a dryer, you're_ _ **really**_ _all wet!"_ _ **(3)**_

"Okay, so Silversteam's Lead In is more direct and to the point than Yona's Lead In. I like Yona's better, because it includes other character and has Yona actually do stuff. Anyway, it's time for the Build Up. This is the part that gets us ready for the Punchline. Yona's first."

* * *

 _With a leap, she set off running into the back of the shop. One huge freezer with a flat top sat in the corner of the room, beckoning invitingly at her. She went and stood beside it, and, feeling like Daring Do about to open some centuries-old sarcophagus to recover an ancient treasure hidden inside, gradually pushed open the top._

 _The freezer was totally empty._

* * *

Keldeo laughed a bit and said, "Okay, that was actually funny! All this build up and it turns out to be empty! Plus, that comparison to Daring Do looking for treasure is a treasure in of it itself. You can almost hear that Legend of Zelda treasure chest music playing as you read this. But nope! It's empty!"

Keldeo kept smiling and said, "So, what does Yona do now?"

* * *

 _Before she could think very much, though, she felt the icy breeze the freezer was exhaling at her. It felt rather inviting._

 _Lifting herself up and over the edge of the freezer, Yona gently stepped inside. It was tight – she didn't even have enough excess room to move her legs – but with her snout she managed to slowly close the lid as she sat down. Although there was a glass window on the lid, the cold had frosted it up, so it was difficult to see in or out._

* * *

"That's right, Yona climbs into the freezer!" Keldeo said with a grin. Then he became thoughtful and said, "Which. . . is kinda similar to what Silverstream does in her story. . ."

Keldeo quickly shook his head and shouted, "But it isn't! Why? I'll show you why! Here:"

* * *

 _Sitting there in the semi-darkness, Yona relaxed and enjoyed the cold. It reminded her of the long, dark nights back home. In some odd way, she felt strangely comfortable in there. Safe, even. Realising quite how tired she was, she closed her eyes, just to rest them for a moment, but quickly found herself falling asleep._

* * *

"Yona is from Yakyakistan, a place that is always cold, snowy, and often dark. Plus, Yona's really stressed out and miserable from the extreme heat! You try wearing a huge fur coat during a heatwave! The situation has driven her to the point of climbing into a freezer. Yona has a reason for doing this. Silverstream was just being portrayed as. . . crazy. Plus, I'm pretty sure a freezer is much more sanitary than a toilet in a school! What's the sequel gonna be? _Silverstream's Doorknob Licking Adventure_!?"

 _ **Spongebob:**_ _"Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets."_ _ **(4)**_

Keldeo just sighed, and he said, "Okay then. What's Silverstream's Build Up?"

* * *

 _Carefully (but also somewhat clumsily) Silverstream moved a fin over to the flusher and grasped it as best she could. "Here I go!" She shouted, as she forced the lever down with all her might._

* * *

"And nothing happened because _of course she's not gonna fit down that pipe_!" Keldeo shouted in irritation.

* * *

 _Then a powerful suction could be felt on her tail, pulling her down the bowl and through the drain at the bottom._

* * *

"What are you talking about? She's not gonna fit in there!" Keldeo argued.

* * *

 _"Whee!" Silverstream happily cried as she spun faster and faster, all the while she began to be slowly sucked down the drain tail first._

* * *

"What do you mean 'sucked down the drain'?" Keldeo said, looking more confused than angry, "Her body is too big to go down a drain! What, did she use her necklace to shrink herself or something? I know it's a fantasy magical cartoon world, but Equestria still has rules to it. The least you could do is kinda follow them! Would it be really that hard to make up a legitimate sounding excuse for this?"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Whatever. We're almost done. Now, it's time for the Punchlines. And I gotta say, Yona's Build Up was masterful, in that it provides plenty of ways for the story to go. Maybe it could go super surreal and crazy by having Yona be frozen for a thousand years or something. Or maybe the Cakes will just throw ice cream into the freezer without looking, and Yona will have a nice frozen feast inside, much to the dismay of the Cakes and the customers who discover that all the ice cream that was just made has mysteriously disappeared. We have no way of knowing where the story is gonna go with this, and that makes the Punchline all the better."

* * *

 _The partially muted sound of hoofsteps woke her. Yona barely had time to wonder where she was or why she felt so cold, before the freezer lid was opened and bright light flooded in. She suddenly remembered everything very quickly – had she really gone and fallen asleep in Professor Pie's freezer? Quickly, she jumped up and tried to stammer out an excuse._

" _Yak not asleep!" she yelled._

" _Oh Celestia!" cried Mrs Cake. Her hoof jumped to her chest as she jumped backwards and fell onto the floor. The bowl she was carrying went flying up in the air; Yona watched, almost in slow motion, as it gradually fell towards the kitchen tiles._

 _Then it smashed._

" _Yak find ice cream!" Yona yelled happily. She didn't even care that it was on the floor; she bent down and started lapping it up. After all the events of the day, and all the running around in the sun, it felt so refreshing to finally be able to enjoy some ice cream._

 _It seemed like everything had turned out well in the end..._

 _Well, except for all the customers who had to wait for Pinkie to make some more ice cream, since the last batch had been dropped on the floor. And also except for Mrs Cake, who needed three days of bed rest to recover from the awful fright she'd received._

 _But most things turned out well in the end._

* * *

". . . Yeah, that was kind of a letdown," Keldeo admitted, "It went the predictable route of someone finding Yona and getting surprised by her. And then it ended with Yona basically eating off the floor. Ugh. Couldn't we have gotten something better. Like, maybe Yona has nightmare while asleep in the freezer, and when she's woken up she's finally given some ice cream to make her feel better? I don't know, I just don't think this ending was funny enough."

Keldeo let out a long sigh and said, "But you know, I know for a fact that Yona's Punchline is probably a hundred times better than whatever Silverstream's Punchline is. So. . . let's get this over with."

* * *

 _The whole process actually lasted shorter than Silverstream expected, and she was dismayed when the flush cycle ended with her only halfway down the toilet._

 _Oh well, not a problem. She still had her fins. Since she was already submerged in the toilet there was no sense in getting out, might as well finish the job. Silverstream managed to reach one of her fins up from the bowl and push the flusher down once again._

 _"Fwoosh!" The toilet roared again, and the flush cycle began anew._

 _The second cycle was enough to finish the job. The rest of Silverstream's body was pulled down the drain and she disappeared. If anyone had been watching they might have heard a faint "Glug, glug, glug." and seen a fin waving goodbye from just above the drain. And then they probably would've rubbed their eyes and shrugged it off as them seeing things._

* * *

"I _really_ want to complain about this," Keldeo said with a look of extreme frustration on his face. He clenched his teeth and said, "But I _can't._ Do you know _why_ I can't? **Because the** _ **Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team**_ **games used this exact same joke in the opening personality test!** "

 _Q. A human hand extends out of a toilet! What would you do?_

 _a- scream and run  
b- close the lid without a word  
c- shake hands with it_

"That PROVES it!" Keldeo shouted, "This whole thing _is_ a plot against me! How could all of this _possibly_ be a coincidence! How could tow fanfics and a video game all be connected like this?"

* * *

 _The water in the bowl returned without its passenger, leaving behind no traces that a seapony had ever been in it. Silverstream was now on her way through the pipes, bound for the sewers beneath Ponyville._

* * *

Keldeo let out a frustrated sigh and said, "Okay then. Fine. So, I guess now we're in Looney Tunes land, because now she's going through pipes and into the sewers. Alright. I guess there are comedic possibilities here. Maybe she could run into an alligator or something and get chased back up the toilet, but it turns out it's just Gummy or one of his friends or family members or something. I just hope this Punchline is worth it."

* * *

 _ **The End**_

* * *

"THE END!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "Are you kidding me?! I haven't even fully comprehended what I've just seen yet and now you're telling me the story is over!? You didn't even finish the plot yet! Silverstream just goes to the sewer and. . . what? She never comes back?! Oh well! I guess that means Cozy Glow takes over the world! Hold on. . . does that mean that the joke from _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team_ was the Punchline to this whole tale of toilet humor insanity? That's all we get for suffering through all of this?"

Keldeo put his left forehoof on the Soothe Bell and rolled it around a bit. Then he smiled calmly and said, "You know, this story should be printed out on paper. . . . SO IT CAN GET FLUSHED DOWN A TOILET WHERE IT BELONGS!"

Keldeo kicked the Soothe Bell away and said, "This story wasn't funny at all, with the exception of the opening scene with the other students. But that scene feels like it doesn't even belong with this story! The majority of this story is just making Silverstream look like an idiot who wants to flush herself down the toilet because she's stupid. It's almost like the author is calling Silverstream a piece of. . . well, I don't like to say words like that, but you know what I mean!"

Keldeo visibly calmed down and said, " _Yona and the Ice Cream_ is clearly the better fanfic. It had _actual_ funny moments with good comedic timing, great descriptions of how Yona looked and how she was feeling, and plenty of good interactions with other characters. The Punchline might have been a little underwhelming, but at least we actually got one! _Silverstream's Toilet Tour_ gave us nothing! Nothing!"

Keldeo stomped his hooves aggressively as he looked up at the sky and shouted, "That's it! I'm done! I can't take it! That fanfic made _no sense_! Show me something else! I don't care! Just anything! Anything that has nothing to do with this!"

Suddenly, Unikitty's face appeared on Keldeo's laptop, taking up the whole screen, and said, " _Hieeeeeeee!_ "

Keldeo let out a long, loud groan.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 **Credits**

 _ **Footnoted References**_

 **(1)** _Unikitty- "Rock Friend" "Tasty Heist"_

 **(2)** _Fred Fish from Spongebob Squarepants_

 **(3)** _The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog- "Sonic Says" segment_

 **(4)** _Spongebob Squarepants- "One Krabs Trash"_

 _ **Other References**_

 _Nostalgia Critic: A Troll in Central Park_

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Super Mario Bros. Super Show_

 _The Animaniacs_

 _Portal 2_

 _Unikitty!_

 _Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red/Blue Rescue Team_

 _The Lego Movie_


	56. E17: Pokemon Sword and Shield

_**The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Editorial 17: Pokemon Sword and Pokemon Shield**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said with a smiled, but then he sighed and said, "So, with a certain themed month coming up in March-."

 _ **Unikitty:**_ _"Hieeeeeeeeee!"_

Keldeo groaned and facehoofed. He put his hoof back down and said, "I figured that it would be best if I talked about something that we _all_ really _want_ to talk and think about."

Keldeo got a huge grin and shouted, "POKEMON SWORD AND SHIELD IS COMING!"

Munna, Floyd, Victini, and even Zoroark and her son ran in and cheered, jumping around in excitement.

". . . In late 2019," Keldeo said, still smiling.

The others all frowned, sighed, and groaned; and they walked off in disappointment.

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Hey, I'm a Sword of Justice. Patience was a key part of my training." He then grinned impishly and said, "And hey, this gives it perfect timing for Christmas! Matthais really wants Pokemon _Sword_. It wouldn't feel right if he didn't play that one, for obvious reasons, heh heh. He's so loyal to me. . ."

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, we've finally got a trailer confirming it, and boy does it show us a lot of good stuff! Right away, it's giving us a whole lot of stuff we want. First of all, the player character is a teenager instead of the younger kids we got in Sun and Moon. It helps us to take the game a little more seriously. Also, the characters look more customizable than ever. I'm certain we'll be seeing plenty of clothing options in the games."

Keldeo's eyes widened and he said, "And boy does this game take advantage of the fact that it's on the Switch! Look at those environments! Pokemon games have never really been big on detailed surroundings. Sure, you'd get a cave, a snowy mountain, a desert, some villages, maybe a big city. It was more about traveling up and down the Routes and having battles, and sometimes you get a cool set piece for a Gym Leader or Elite Four member or a Legendary boss fight. But in these games, there is so much stuff packed in this world! This is the _Breath of the Wild_ of Pokemon games when it comes to the setting."

Keldeo then nodded slowly and said, "And, of course, random encounters in the tall grass have returned after being removed in _Let's Go Pikachu and Eeevee._ That makes sense, as the _Let's Go_ series is supposed to be an easier experience for younger players and new arrivals to the series. The trailer shows plenty of Generation 1 Pokemon, which will please a lot of people. These Pokemon are very nostalgic and just have a special magic to them that's hard to describe. Gyms are also back as well, and that's great. Not that I didn't like the trials from Sun and Moon. I thought they were clever and a nice change. But I also like the structure of the Gyms, with all the puzzles and trainers you have to get through. Plus, it looks like these Gyms might have a kind of sports theme, which sounds cool and very creative."

Keldeo looked intrigued as he went on, "Now, let's talk about this new region. The Galar Region. First off, it's based off of England. That's cool. We could get Pokemon based off of griffons or leprechauns or the Loch Ness Monster. Maybe we could see some knights or wizards or witches in the form of Pokemon or characters. Maybe the villains will be a team of witches or black knights? That would be cool."

"We also got a map of the region, and that's the _really_ interesting part. Past regions have always been sprawling with Routes going in all directions. But the Galar regions seems to be almost linear, with the player home in the south and a big city which I assume to be the Galar Pokemon League in the north."

Keldeo thought about this for a moment, then he said, "So, we're just gonna be heading northwards. Just one direction? Huh. . . that's an interesting choice. Although, we might end up having to go back or take detours throughout the game. Maybe the villainous team will be doing stuff that causes us to change course? Who knows?"

Keldeo then smiled and said, "But I'm sure the part that everyone went wild about was the little short film at the end. The one that showed the three starters in action. We got Scorbunny the fire-type rabbit, Sobble the water-type chameleon, and Grookey the grass-type squirrel monkey."

Keldeo shook his head and said, "Okay, I'm not gonna talk about which one is the best or anything like that. I don't want to start anything. Sure, _Matthais_ has absolutely fallen in love with Scorbunny and thinks he's the most adorably awesome thing ever, but hey, that's just his opinion. Feel free to like whichever one you want."

Keldeo gave a nod and said, "Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic and. . ." Keldeo sighed, looking a little crestfallen, and he said, "Here comes _Unikitty Month._ "

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Special Thanks**_

 _TV Tropes_


	57. Score Creeper's Video Game

_**BOOOOOM!**_

There was a huge explosion, and when the smoke cleared-

" _ **Hieeeeeeeeee!"**_ Unikitty said with her face extra close to the camera.

 **UNIKITTY MONTH!**

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 21: Score Creeper's Video Game by** **FanfictionNerdLikesFanfiction **

"It's me, Keldeo the Critic. I review it so you don't have to," Keldeo said unenthusiastically. He sighed and said, "You know, it hindsight, it can understand why they couldn't just make a cartoon with all of _The LEGO Movie_ characters because they were planning on having _The LEGO Movie 2_ pick up right where the last movie left off, and I doubt watching everyone bum around Apocalpyseburg would be very entertaining. So yeah, going the alternate universe route made sense, and Batman is already in the LEGO DC Superheroes stuff, Emmet and Lucy wouldn't work in anyplace but the movies, and Metalbeard and Benny are too one note for their own show. Unikitty really _was_ the only character with enough quirks, personality, and likeability for her own show."

Keldeo smiled a bit and said, "And, yeah, I guess Unikitty is a likeable character. She wants to make everyone happy, and her bursts of fiery rage at villains how hurt her friends keeps her from being boring or just a clone of Pinkie Pie. I really do think the cartoon is funny. It's not perfect, but it's enjoyable. I really like seeing the close bond Unikitty has with her dimwitted but kindhearted little brother Puppycorn. The creators of the show also added a scientist, a tough guy, and a boring straight man to counter Unikitty's energy. They knew how to set this show up so that you'd care about the characters."

Keldeo's smile fell a bit, and he let out another sigh and said, "But even still, I'm really not into reviewing Unikitty fanfiction. It's just that. . . it's not something I'm interested in. Like, the show is so simple, there's not much I'm dying to know about or see play out. It's not like _Pokemon_ or _My Little Pony,_ where there are a whole bunch of compelling characters and concepts and locations and stuff."

Keldeo nodded and said, "To be honest, I'm afraid of being bored."

Keldeo stood silent for a moment, then he said, "Well then, let's just hope I'm wrong. This is _Score Creeper's Video Game._ "

* * *

 _ **Score Creeper's Video Game**_

 _By: FanfictionNerdLikesFanfiction_

 _After Unikitty and her friends get stuck in a video game they have to face fighting former villians and defeat the final boss "The Score Crepeer." (Sorry if its bad)_

 _Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Unikitty, Puppycorn, Hawkodile, Dr. Fox - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,330 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 5 - Updated: Mar 2 - Published: Oct 7, 2018 - id: 13086760_

* * *

"The Score Creeper was the first villain in the show. He was in the first episode, and his powers revolve around trapping people within games and stealing their souls when they lose. Plus, he's easily the most powerful, and the most threatening villain Unikitty has ever faced. _Including_ Lord Business," Keldeo said, starting to look slightly more invested, "It makes sense that he'd be pretty popular. Will he make this fanfic good and fun?"

Keldeo frowned and said, "The author literally apologizes for the story being bad in the summary. . . Oh boy."

* * *

 _It was that day In the Unikingdom again._

 _Game Night. On Game night you could probably guess that they play games. But tonight was different Unikitty and her Pals were lookiny for a Video Game. Unikitty and Puppycorn rush up ahead with Hawkodile, Dr. Fox, Richard following_.

* * *

"So after the horrifying experience of Score Creeper's cursed board game, the group decides to play a video game instead."

* * *

 _"And plus Video games are way cooler then board games!" Followed Puppycorn_

 _"See! I already found a Video game." Annouced Unikitty_

 _She holds up a Disc that says "The World Of The Unikingdom"_

 _"This one seems cool!" Shouts Unikitty in joy._

 _"Let's go try it!" Shouts Puppycorn._

 _The two rush back to the castle._

 _"I'm not the only one who thinks that game looked weird, right?" Asked Dr. Fox_

 _"Hopefully this game isn't cursed." Said Hawkodile._

 _The Three walk over to the castle where Puppycorn and Unikitty are in the living room waiting for them._

 _"I'm so excited to play this game!" Says Unikitty_

 _she hooks up 5 controllers to the console and enters the game into the console._

* * *

"What gaming console has 5 controllers?" Keldeo asked in confusion, "The closest thing I can think of is boost mode on _New Super Mario Bros. U_. And I'm not even sure if that counts because the player with the Game Pad isn't so much playing as _helping_ the players with the Wii Remotes."

* * *

 _"The World Of The Unikingdom" Appears on the screen witht a Start Button. Without hesitating Unikitty presses the Start button the screen fades to black. The Score Creeper then appears on the screen_

 _"Well Im out." Said Richard_

* * *

"Huh," Keldeo said, "You know, that's pretty much the same reaction I had when Matthais told me I was doing _Unikitty Month._ "

Keldeo then grinned and said, "But it's okay, because now Score Creeper is going to give an _evil_ speech of doom and vengeance and-."

* * *

 _The TV then sucks them the gang in it. The TV turns off._

* * *

"Oh, come on! You could've showcased what a huge ham Score Creeper is! This is just lazy!" Keldeo complained.

* * *

 _Unikitty wakes up in space?!_

* * *

"NO! We are _not_ using that joke here," Keldeo said loudly.

* * *

 _"Hello. You have been chosen to defeat the Evil Score Creeper. What is your name?" Said a Voice._

 _A Keyboard pops up and Unikitty types in Her name._

 _"Unikitty...Now then..what would you like your class to be?" Said the Voice again._

 _5 classes appear: Warrior,Mage,Healer,Theif,Ranger_

 _Unikitty presses Ranger she wears a green outfit and has a bow and arrow._

 _"Would you like a friend to help you on your journeys?" Asked the Voice_

 _Unikitty presses Yes._

 _"Please Enter Name"_

 _Unikitty enters Puppycorn and he enters_

 _"Hi Sis!" Shouts Puppycorn_

 _"Hi! Do you know where the others are?" Asked Unikitty_

 _"No." Replies Puppycorn_

 _"Oh well. Let's just stay positive!" Shouts Unikitty happily._

 _"If your done talking then Puppycorn needs to choose a class too." Interrupts the Voice._

 _Puppycorn presses the Theif class without even knowing what it was._

 _"Your adventure begins now." Says the voice_

 _The two then get surrounded by a flash of light._

* * *

"I would ask why they're so okay with this, but they weren't exactly all that concerned when they were pulled into the haunted board game either," Keldeo remarked, "But isn't the point of fanfiction to make the source material more interesting?"

"So Unikitty and Puppycorn end up in a. . . duplicate of the Unikingdom, I guess. But then they find a note."

 _I orderd my minions to stuff every annoying Toad they catch in a_ **?** _. Hah! If you wanna save 'em, come alone. You won't get any help from your friends! –Bowser Jr._

"Just kidding. Bowser Jr. isn't in this, although that might have made this fanfic a little more interesting," Keldeo said, "I mean, it _is_ a story about video games, so maybe a _New_ _Super Mario Bros. U_ crossover would be cool."

* * *

 _"Dear Unikitty, I Master Frown have taken all the happiness from your land. Where is the happiness I took? You never know. P.S I also took one of your friends. Muahahaha!" - From Master Frown._

 _Both Unikitty and Puppycorn look outside and see everyone in the Unikingdom either look sad or angry._

 _"This is bad! We have to get the happiness back!" Spoke Unikitty._

 _"We have to get our friends back too!" Said Puppycorn._

* * *

"You _could_ add in a little more details on their facial expression or emotions," Keldeo remarked, "Heck, Unikitty constantly changes color and shoots objects out of her horn, why not include stuff like that?"

"So our heroes head outside, only to find that all of the virtual citizens blame them for making everyone miserable."

* * *

 _Suddenly the voice Puppycorn and Unikitty heard from before comes again._

 _"You're going to have to fight them. Get ready." Spoke the voice._

 _"But we can't fight the citizens!" Said Puppycorn._

 _"Your gonna have to."_

 _"Anyway get ready." The voice disappears for now._

 _Unikitty pulls out her bow and arrows while Puppycorn pulls out daggers._

 _"Im sorry citizens!" Unikitty shouted._

 _They end up knocking out most of the crowd but some of them still do some damage._

 _"Were low on health sis!" Puppycorn cried._

 _"One last hit and were a goner!"_

* * *

"Describe the combat! With details!" Keldeo shouted, "It's a story about a video game! Stuff like that is kind of important? What is this combat even like? Is it turn based combat? Is it real time? How do they how many hit points they have? And wait a minute, _Puppycorn pulls out daggers_? _Daggers_? So. . . what the author is saying is that sweet, innocent little Puppycorn went around stabbing people just now?"

Keldeo blinked his eyes with wide eyed disbelief, and he said, "That's like if Isabelle from _Animal Crossing_ pulled out a scythe blade and used it to slice the Villager-."

A video of a battle from _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_ played that showed Isabelle holding Death's Scythe and using it to take out the Villager.

Keldeo was silent for a moment, then he said slowly, "We live in a really weird time."

* * *

 _"Hawkodile!" The siblings exclaimed in sync._

 _He fights off the citizens with his sword._

 _"He must've chosen warrior." Spoke Puppycorn._

 _"Come on! Back in the castle!" Hawkodile yells._

 _The siblings and the bodyguard rush inside the castle and Hawkodile quickly barricades the door so no citizens get in._

 _"We should be safe for now..." Said Hawkodile relived._

* * *

"So then we get a flashback of Hawkodile fighting a boss."

* * *

 _"I was at Action Forest after I chose my class, Warrior. I was face to face with Eagelator. He was somehow winning._

 _"Well well well who deserves the shades now?" Eagleator asked as Hawkodile was backing to the edge of a cliff._

 _"Eagleator, please let's talk about this!" Hawkodile trembled._

 _"There's nothing to talk about!" yelled Eagleator._

 _Thinking he pushed Hawkodile off the cliff Eagleator starts to cheer._

 _However secretly Hawkodile is flying off to the Unikingdom._

 _"And that's how I'm here." explained Hawkodile._

* * *

"Wait, so you just ran away from the boss fight?" Keldeo asked, "Is this a Bethesda game or something?"

* * *

 _"Now then all we need to do is get Dr. Fox and Richard and we can restore happiness to the Unikingdom!" Unikitty explained._

 _"But how will we get out the castle?" Asked Puppycorn._

 _They all stare out the window still seeing the angry citizens._

 _"That's a good question."_

* * *

"Meanwhile, Dr. Fox is in Frowntown as a Cleric and is running away from the enemies there." Keldeo frowned and said, "Now isn't that kind of stupid. What kind of game spawns you right in the middle of villains' land. That's like starting a Mario game in World 8, or starting _The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild_ right in Hyrule Castle with Guardians and Lynels all around you. Sure, you _can_ go straight to Hyrule Castle, but the game doesn't just drop you there! Score Creeper kinda stinks at making video games. I wonder if he made any other games?"

The box art for _Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing_ appeared.

"Oh."

* * *

 _Dr. Fox looks up to see Master Frown and Brock._

 _"You! You had something to do with this didn't you?" Yelled Dr. Fox_

 _"Actually we have no idea what happened. We were just baking cookies and next thing we know we're in a game." Explained Brock._

 _"Brock don't explain!" Shouts Master Frown._

 _"Sorry, dude!" Said Brock._

 _"Anyway you might as well give in we already have one of your friends." States Master Frown._

* * *

"So, they're working for the guy who abducted them and put them in a game?" Keldeo asked incredulously, "Why are you working for the guy who abducted you, _it makes no sense!_ "

* * *

 _Dr. Fox tries hitting Brock with her staff but all it does is just give him extra health._

 _"Seriously?!" Yelled Dr. Fox as she threw her staff to the ground breaking it in half._

 _"Oh no." Muttered Dr. Fox._

 _Brock easily hits Dr. Fox knocking her out and giving her a game over._

* * *

"I guess that's supposed to be funny, but I don't know. So, Dr. Fox is transported into a jail cell with Richard."

* * *

 _"Yeah , when I chose my class I woke up here. Can't tell if i was part of my story or if I got captured as soon as I joined." Spoke Richard._

* * *

"Gee, it's almost like the author was too lazy to give Richard an actual story," Keldeo said testily.

 _ **Portal 2 Announcer:**_ _"Sarcasm Self-Test complete."_

* * *

 _Hawkodile was flying away from the castle with Unikitty and Puppycorn in a laundry basket tied to him._

* * *

"So, our heroes fly to Frowntown to find Dr. Fox and Richard, and instead of staying together so they have three ways of attacking their foes, Hawkodile decides to go off on his own and leave the kids by themselves _even though he had to come in and save them earlier_!"

* * *

 _Suddenly the sky turned from day to nighttime and the voice was heard again._

 _"You're going to need to sleep to restore your MP and Strength. I recommend a hotel or camping site." Spoke the voice right before it disappears again._

 _Puppycorn, Unikitty end up finding each other and sleep in a not too shabby hotel room with a nice bathroom and two separate beds._

* * *

"Why can't we see these attributes being used?" Keldeo asked, "This just seems like a pointless detail added for the purpose of completing a checklist of video game tropes."

"So, the next day, Puppycorn and Unikitty run into Master Frown and Brock. Great! Finally, we get to see an actual battle with weapons and magic and combo and-."

* * *

 _Master Frown then uses his special to drain both their health and give it to himself._

 _"Run Puppycorn and find Hawkodile!" Yelled Unikitty._

 _Puppycorn hesitates to leave his sister but runs away to find Hawkodile._

* * *

 _ **Sweetie Belle:**_ _"OH, COME ON!"_

"If you're going to all the trouble of making a story about a video game, shouldn't you actually put some _gameplay_ into the story!?" Keldeo complained, "I know unwinnable boss fights are a thing in certain games, but the game still requires you to actually fight a _little_!"

 _ **Angry Joe:**_ _"What is the point of having a boss fight if you do not fight the boss!?"_ _ **(1)**_

* * *

 _"Hawkodile! Master Frown and Brock took Unikitty!" Puppycorn shouted so fast Hawkodile couldn't hear._

 _"Slow down Puppycorn." Spoke Hawkodile._

* * *

Keldeo huffed and said, "Are you seriously too lazy to even do this:"

 _"HawkodileMasterFrownandBrocktookUnikitty!"_ Puppycorn shouted so fast Hawkodile couldn't hear.

"So Hawkodile and Puppycorn enter the Frowntown Prison to rescue their friends."

* * *

 _They finally arrive and enter the special prison. Where they see lots of doom lords one cell even includes Master Doom._

 _"Im going to destroy Frown when I get out of here!" Yelled Master Doom._

* * *

"Wait, Frown overthrew Master Doom?" Keldeo said in amazement, "Okay, that changes some things, especially if this the real Master Doom and not just a digital version of her. I mean, now I see why Master Frown would work for Score Creeper if it means he can become supreme ruler of misery or whatever. Oh man, why couldn't the story have had more detail on _this_?"

"So, they rescue everyone, and then they fight Master Doom in his mech suit."

* * *

 _Unikitty realizes it's her turn to use a move. She shoots an arrow at Master Frown_

 _"It's your turn Puppycorn!" Said Dr. Fox_

 _Puppy corn slashes the Mecha a little and does the same amount of damage as Unikitty._

 _Hawkodile comes and breaks the arm off the Mecha._

 _"Richard now is your turn." Said Hawkodile._

 _Richard knows a stronger spell but there's a chance it could hurt his friends so he just does a simple water spell that glitches the mecha a little._

 _Dr. Fox turn comes again and she tries to summon a shield but doesn't have enough strength. She just hits it with her staff._

 _Master Frown turn comes again and he drains the rest of Unikitty's and Puppycorn's health they had._

 _Master Frown then stomps on the ground hard and makes the rest go at half health._

 _Hawkodile slashes again at the armor._

 _Richard turn comes and he decides to do the spell._

 _"Watch out Hawkodile and Doctor."_

 _He waves his wand before It lights on fire then tossed it at the mecha and a huge explosion surrounded them._

 _When the smoke was gone Master Frown had been defeated and both Hawkodile and Dr. Fox were about to get a game over thanks to Richard._

* * *

Keldeo shrugged, "Well, it was something, I suppose."

* * *

 _"And thats how were gonna defeat the boss!" Said Unikitty._

 _"Princess that's a good idea and all but I don't have an explosion spell." Admitted Richard_

 _"And I doubt my sword could go through armor like that." Spoke Hawkodile._

 _"Maybe we should think of a different plan.." Said, Richard_

* * *

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me, that was all a _fantasy!_ " Keldeo shouted in disbelief, "What is this, the ending of _Clue_?" _**(2)**_

 **That's how it could've happened.**

 **But how about this?**

* * *

 _Everyone looked to see all their specials were charged up._

 _"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Asked Unikitty to the others._

 _"Yep!" Shouted Everyone._

 _They all used their specials._

 _Unikitty turned to Rage Kitty and attacked Master Frown before turning back._

 _Hawkodile cut off the arm of the mech_

 _Puppy corn throws lots of pieces from the hole Richard made in the ceiling._

 _Dr. fox healed the team a little._

 _All the moves put Master Frown at low health he's about to get a game over but not quite._

 _Master Frown Stomps on the ground giving everyone a game over._

 _"Wait how come we haven't lost yet?" Unikitty asked._

 _Richard then comes from the sky using his move on Master Frown giving Master Frown a game over._

 _The mech explodes while Master Frown runs away._

* * *

"Okay, that was a little better, but not by much," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"Youll be going to The Doom Lord Meeting place next to fight Master Doom, Master Frown told on you." The voice explained._

* * *

"Master Doom said he'd kill Master Frown for locking her up. Why would him telling on the heroes make her target them instead of him!?"

* * *

 _"Can I ask why you're helping us?" Unikitty Questioned._

 _"Im helping you because it's my job. That's all please don't ask again." The voice answered a little angry._

 _"Well, thanks." Unikitty smiled before heading to sleep._

 _"No problem.." Said the voice a little sad now._

* * *

"It's kinda late in the game to try and make this voice into a character," Keldeo said.

* * *

 _"Are we there yet?" Puppycorn kept asking Unikitty._

 _"Not yet Puppycorn," Unikitty replied annoyed since this is the 5th time he asked._

 _"So who's after this boss?" Dr. Fox asked._

 _"Its suppose to be Eagleton and the one after him is...Currently, unknown." Unikitty answered._

* * *

"How do you know any of this?" Keldeo asked, "Seriously, how could you possibly know any of this. And I'm getting tired of how barely any emotion is being conveyed in what the characters are saying and how they're saying them. Emotional responses are a huge part of this show, so removing them seems like a dumb thing to do."

"So our heroes try to enter Master Doom's lair, only to fall into some trap doors into a dark pit."

* * *

 _"How are we gonna get out of here?" Puppy corn asked Unikitty._

 _"I don't know. I guess we're just gonna have to keep walking." Unikitty replied._

 _The five finally approach a door that looks like it needs a code there's a slot to enter something._

 _"What do we put in the slot?" Spoke Dr. Fox_

 _Hawkodile puts Richard's wand in the slot._

 _The door surprisingly opens and Hawkodile tries to take the wand back out but it won't budge._

 _"Oh well."_

 _The 5 continue on with Richard glaring at Hawkodile._

 _They arrive at a hallway with 6 doors._

 _"Lets split up." Commanded Unikitty._

 _The 5 go into the doors leaving one untouched._

* * *

Keldeo looked interested by this. "Oh, okay. This sounds interesting."

* * *

 _Hawkodile, Unikitty, Puppycorn, Dr. Fox come out._

 _"That was torture!" Spoke Unikitty_

 _"I hope we never have to do that again," Hawkodile told them._

 _"Wait where's Richard?" Unikitty asked._

 _Richard quickly comes out room._

 _"The good news is I got a new wand. The bad news is I lost a life." Richard explained._

 _"Well, that leaves only one door left." Unikitty Cheered._

* * *

Keldeo is frowning heavily, looking very unamused. "Do you have any particular reason for simply _not trying,_ FanfictionNerd?" Keldeo asked, "I mean, did you feel like you were under some kind of time crunch? Was there any reason at all why you simply couldn't just take your time with this and actually write actual plot and events? No one was forcing you to get this out in a hurry. No one wanted to know what was gonna happen next right away. No one was _begging_ you to hurry up! You could've taken a _whole year_ to write this story and no one would've minded! People probably would've like it better if you'd taken longer! You could've taken however the hay long you wanted to write out actual events and combat and gameplay mechanics! Speak! Explain yourself, you coward-!" _**(3)**_

Keldeo stopped suddenly and breathed in and out slowly through his nose. "No," Keldeo said calmly, "I'm not gonna waste my time getting angry about this. This story is not worth my anger, or my time to be honest. If this fanfic wants to play the lazy game, fine. But that means I get to play the same game."

* * *

 _The five rush to the door they haven't touch and enter it._

 _They arrive inside of the Doom Lord Meeting place right in front of Master Doom._

* * *

"One thing led to another!" Keldeo said loudly. _ **(4)**_

* * *

 _Suddenly a red light fills the room and when they look around Dr. Fox is gone and Hawkodile and Puppycorn escaped their cages._

 _"Dr. Fox!" Hawkodile cried._

 _"Master Doom took her!" Accused Unikitty._

 _"This is all your fault!" Hawkodile raised his voice and pointed at Unikitty._

 _"Dont yell at the princess." Said Richard in a sharp tone._

 _"If she didn't touch that stupid game none of this would've happened." Hawkodile screamed._

* * *

"Well, he's not wrong," Keldeo said, "And it's not like the Score Creeper ever tries to hide the fact that his stuff is cursed. Sure, the author forgot to show us the scene where Unikitty finds the game, so we have no way of knowing if she ignored any warning signs, _you see the problem with stories that lack details!_ "

* * *

 _"Lower your voice Hawkodile." Richard spoke in a calmer tone then before._

 _"No!" He yelled as he pushed Richard to the hard floor._

 _Richard glared at Hawkodile._

 _"I can find her myself!" Hawkodile shouted._

 _"Well if you find her yourself I guess you don't need me or them." Richard said_

 _He uses a teleporting spell to teleport away from Hawkodile that now left Richard with one live but Richard didn't care as long as he was away from Hawkodile._

 _"Im leaving too." Spoke Hawkodile as he flew away._

* * *

"We're more than halfway through the story! Why are you starting the plot _now_?" Keldeo asked in disbelief, "It doesn't even make sense for Richard to leave. Shouldn't he have just stayed with Unikitty and Puppycorn while Hawkodile left the group. Why did Richard leave?"

* * *

 _Unikitty was in a hotel room thinking about what just happened._

 _"Great. Now we're gonna need to get Dr. Fox and Richard and Hawkodile back." Thought Unikitty._

* * *

"Oh wow, she looks really broken up by this. Ugh! Seriously, where's the emotion!?" Keldeo complained.

"So, the siblings then _immediately find Hawkodile_! It's almost like him leaving was entirely pointless!"

* * *

 _The two arrive at Action Dojo where they see Hawkodile._

 _"Hawkodile!" Both Unikitty and Puppycorn exclaimed with happiness as they rush to their friend._

 _"Keep it down!" whispered Hawkodile._

 _They both look out the bush to see Eagleator with stolen stuff from both Frowntown and Unikingdom._

 _"Is Richard here yet?" Puppy corn asked._

 _"Why would I care?" Hawkodile said annoyed._

 _"We need everyone if we want to defeat the last few bosses of this game Hawkodile," Unikitty told her bodyguard._

 _"But I doubt we need him," Hawkodile muttered under his breath._

 _"Let's just rush in," Hawkodile told them._

 _The three rush in surprising Eagleator._

* * *

"So, it looks like we finally get to finish the boss fight Hawkodile ran away from," Keldeo said.

 _ **Confused Matthew:**_ _"So they fight, fight, fight. Fight, fight, fight. Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight."_

* * *

 _Suddenly there was a shake in the bushes that causes the four to stop fighting._

 _Richard popped out the bushes and used a fire spell on Eagleator._

 _"Isn't that cheating?" Eagleator yelled._

 _"Great looked who showed up." Spoke Hawkodile._

 _"Shut up and fight!" Richard had yelled at him._

 _Hawkodile looked angry at this._

 _"Dont tell me what to do you dumb brick!" Hawkodile started to argue._

 _Hawkodile drew his sword and threw it as Richard who dodged._

* * *

 _ **Sweetie Belle:**_ _"OH, COME ON!"_

"Does the author even watch the show. . . like. . . at all!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "Since when did Hawkodile have anger issues?"

* * *

 _The siblings were turned to see Hawkodile try to fight Richard however Richard saw Eagleator was about to attack them._

 _He pushes Hawkodile to the side. And Jumps in front of the siblings just as Eagleator shoots a beam with a magic amulet he stole Richard uses a fire spell and the beam and fire combine making a huge explosion._

 _When Unikitty, Puppycorn, Hawkodile open their eyes they see Eagleator is gone but so is Richard..._

* * *

"This could've been an impactful scene if this fanfic wasn't so bland and empty," Keldeo said with a frown, "No one is showing any emotion, except for Hawkodile's pointless and random anger, and I feel no actual stakes in this story."

* * *

 _Richard opened his eyes to see he was trapped in a giant bubble._

 _Across from the bubble he was in Dr. Fox was in a bubble too knocked out cold._

 _"I see you awoken." Said a familiar voice._

 _Richard looked to see the Score Creeper._

 _"You're stuck here now. There's no way out! Your friends probably won't make it." Score Creeper laughed._

 _"Besides I have other surprises for them." Score Creeper said._

 _Score Creeper snapped his fingers and Richard started feeling himself getting weak._

 _Score Creeper was making evil clones out of His and Dr. Fox's power._

 _The Clones looked exactly like them but didn't have the right clothing they had for their class and had red dark eyes._

* * *

"Great. Now we're in _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate,_ I guess," Keldeo remarked, "And no, I don't think this is a rip off. I'm not even sure if the timeline matches up for that to be possible, so let's just move on."

"Now, you would think that after seeing Richard get blown up, Hawkodile would have some kind of reaction- AH-HAH-HAH! Of course not! Have you been _reading_ this fanfic?! No one cares about anything in this!"

* * *

 _Above them is a giant floating castle with storm clouds looming over it._

 _"I think this is the place." Spoke Hawkodile._

 _The three walk in the castle to a long hallway and see four pairs of red eyes._

 _"What is that?" Unikitty asked scared._

 _"Princess, Puppycorn get behind me!" Hawkodile whispered to them._

 _The four eyes kept getting closer and closer. Until it was revealed it was Dr. Fox and Richard._

 _"Rick! Dr. Fox!" The gang yelled as they got closer._

 _The two didn't say anything they just attacked them dealing -10 health._

 _"What was that for?" Screamed Hawkodile._

 _The two still didn't say anything Richard went for Hawkodile while Dr. Fox went for Unikitty and Puppycorn._

 _"I dont think these things are the real Richard and Dr. Fox." Spoke Unikitty as she pushed Dr. Fox away from Puppycorn._

 _"Maybe if we remind them of who they really are they will turn back to normal!" Unikitty suggested._

 _"Richard, your not an evil clone. Your my best friend and a cool advisor." Hawkodile yelled as Richard was about to attack him and paused._

* * *

"That's a lie! And it came out of nowhere! You didn't even apologize!" Keldeo shouted, "Ugh! Whatever, Unikitty just turns into her Rage form and beats them up, and that frees them from Score Creeper's control."

Keldeo then frowned and said loudly, "Then one thing led to another!" _**(4)**_

* * *

 _Suddenly, they all used their special moves and combined them together._

 _"What is THAT?" Score creeper said shocked._

 _"Its the power of friendship. Something you will never have." Unikitty said_

 _As the movie combined to make a rainbow and it was blasted at Score Creeper._

 _"NO!" We're the last few things heard from Score Creeper._

* * *

"That's it!? You just rip off of My Little Pony!? I mean, sure, they throw Hawkodile at him once, but so what!?"

* * *

 _A light surrounded the friends._

 _"Congrats. You finished the game." The voice said._

 _The light then stopped only to show they were back in the real world. It looked like the same day._

 _"We finish it!" Cheered Unikitty_

 _Uni kitty walked over and took the game out the console._

 _"But what do we do with the game?" Puppy corn asked._

 _Everyone stayed quiet._

 _"Break it into pieces then burn it," Richard suggested._

 _And that's exactly what they did. The game was gone so no other person could accidentally play it. The gang was relieved to finally get rid of Score Creeper._

 _Or did they?_

* * *

"It doesn't matter. I'm just happy this fanfic is over because- oh wait, there's a bonus chapter," Keldeo said with vague interest, "What happens?"

* * *

 _"Yes, Princess. Rock, Paper, Sparkle Matter." Richard said._

 _"Best 2 out of three!" Said Score Creeper._

 _Uni kitty when up._

 _Uni kitty did Sparkle Matter while Score Creeper did Rock._

 _"Sparkle Matter beats Rock." Unikitty smiles but Score Creeper sighed in annoyance._

 _They did it again but this time Unikitty used Sparkle Matter while Score Creeper used Paper._

 _"Paper beats Sparkle Matter!" Score Creeper said._

 _"Final Round..." Said, Richard_

 _"Sis, You have to win this round!" Puppy corn said worriedly._

 _Uni kitty used Paper while Score Creeper used...Rock_

 _"Hah, I win! Now you have to let us go!" Unikitty laughed._

* * *

Keldeo's mouth was pretty much a straight line at this point. "That's it. I'm done," Keldeo said, "There's no point in even doing an ending wrap up. This barely even counts as a story. Goodnight."

Keldeo then walked away.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 **Footnoted References**

 _ **(1)**_ _Mindjack Angry Review (Worst Game Ever?) - AngryJoeShow_

 _ **(2)**_ _Clue (1985)_

 _ **(3)**_ _The Stanley Parable_

 _ **(4)**_ _Brian Regan- One Thing Led to Another_

 **Other References**

 _Animal Crossing: New Leaf_

 _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_

 _The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing_

 _Portal 2_

 _Confused Matthew_


	58. The Next Robin

_**BOOOOOM!**_

There was a huge explosion, and when the smoke cleared-

" _ **Hieeeeeeeeee!"**_ Unikitty said with her face extra close to the camera.

 **UNIKITTY MONTH!**

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 22: The Next Robin by Captain 2758**

Keldeo smiled a bit a said, "It's me, Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to."

Keldeo then sighed sadly and said, "Well, I think it's pretty clear that _Unikitty Month_ has been kind of a bust. I usually review more than two fanfics in a themed month, but I guess _Score Creeper's Video Game_ was so void of any effort, lacking of any creativity, and wasted so many opportunities that it just kind sucked the life out of me like the Ghost-types of Litwick Mansion.

Keldeo then smiled again as he said, "Luckily, we can still finish the month of March on a happy note with a fanfic that has a whole lot more to offer! This is _The Next Robin_ by Captain 2758!"

* * *

 _ **The Next Robin**_

 _ **By: Captain 2758**_

 _It started out as a normal night of crime fighting for Batman, and everything seemed to be fine. But things take a turn for the worse when the Joker captures him and plans to kill him while simultaneously destroying the city of Bricksburg. Now as time runs out, Batman finds that his only hope for rescue is...Unikitty? Heaven help us all. Rated T for action violence._

 _Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Adventure - Emmet B., Wyldstyle, Batman, Unikitty - Words: 6,894 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: Mar 6, 2014 - Status: Complete - id: 10166574_

* * *

"In the wake of _The_ _LEGO Movie_ , lots of people wrote fanfics about what would happen after the Duplo invasion," Keldeo said with an eager smile, "Of course, most of those stories were made non-canon by _The LEGO Movie 2,_ but if you ask me, this is a story that could actually fit in the canon if you squint a bit."

Keldeo waved his right forehoof dismissively and said, "But whatever. The point is that this fanfic takes place in _The LEGO Movie_ universe rather than the _Unikitty!_ universe, meaning we get to see Unikitty interact with characters like Emmet, Lucy, and of course, Batman."

Keldeo quickly held up his right forehoof and said, "Not that there's anything wrong with Dr. Fox, Puppycorn, Hawkodile, and Richard. They're really got characters too, if you write then correctly. Unikitty's cheerfulness, high energy, fiery rage, and wild emotions play off well against a wide variety of characters. "

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "So, did Captain 2758 manage to write the characters from _The LEGO Movie_ better than _FanfictionNerdLikesFanfiction_ wrote the character from _Unikitty!_?"

Keldeo frowned and said, "Of course he did, that Score Creeper fanfic was _awful._ Anyway, this is _The Next Robin._ "

"So the story begins with Batman doing what Batman does best: beat up bad guys."

* * *

 _Desperately, the man reached for the gun tucked inside his coat pocket, quickly whipping it out and taking aim. But as quickly as he had brought out the gun, the Dark Knight threw his arm out, casting a Batarang that sent the pistol clattering somewhere down the alley. The man watched his only defense slide out of his reach before turning back to his attacker. Batman strode over to him slowly._

 _"You must be new here." He said before grabbing the man's collar and hoisting him up against the wall. "All of the others know better than to steal at this time of night."_

 _The man began to sweat, "Hey, man…I...I'm not doing so well at my job. I got a wife and kids at home to support!"_

 _"So do the people you stole from," Batman growled._

* * *

Keldeo was grinning from ear to ear and he said, "Okay, this is AWESOME! The details, the descriptions, the emotions- OH, I LOVE IT!"

* * *

 _"Now what's in the bag, and where did it come from?"_

 _"I…I don't know!" the man answered nervously._

 _Batman's grip on his collar tightened "What do you mean you don't know?"_

 _"I don't know, I swear!" the man told him. "I was just told to carry it to-"_

 _"Someone sent you? Who?" Batman interrupted. The man stared at him wide eyed, apparently unwilling to divulge his employer's name. Batman's eyes narrowed as he slammed the man into the wall._

 _"Who sent you?" he asked more forcefully._

 _The man shook his head. "I can't tell you!"_

 _"Talk! Now!" Batman growled, shoving the man once again._

 _"Dude, if I tell you, this guy will probably kill me!" the man whimpered._

 _"I don't care who this guy is," Batman retorted "You do not want to get on the bad side of Batman!"_

 _"Or Robin!" a cheerful voice chimed in._

* * *

"That's right! Unikitty has decided to dress up in a Robin suit and help Batman fight crime!" Keldeo said, "This is a really clever concept that fits in with Unikitty's character and mindset. Of course, Batman isn't exactly happy with this arrangement."

* * *

 _"What the brick are you doing?" Batman grumbled with an unamused glare._

 _"I'm here to help!" she said, bouncing excitedly. "I'm your new sidekick!"_

 _Batman held up a hand. "First off, no you're not. Secondly, what makes you think I want or need a sidekick right now?"_

 _"Superman said you needed one!" Unikitty answered._

* * *

Keldeo chuckled and said, "Okay, I love the idea that Lego Batman and Lego Superman have an ongoing rivalry with each other, and Superman trying to sabotage Batman by sending him Unikitty is absolutely _hilarious._ We even get a flashback showing how it all went down."

* * *

 _Superman sighed impatiently, a bored look on his features as he listened to Green Lantern babble about what he wanted out of the station and his room in it._

 _"So aside from a plasma screen T.V., I was wondering about room arrangements. Would it be alright if Superman and I were roommates?"_

 _Superman felt his eyes widen. Quickly, he sat up straight in his seat as he prepared to object, but Wonder Woman beat him to the punch._

 _"Hal, we've been through this." She said patiently. "It's a giant space station; there's plenty of space for all of us to have our own rooms."_

 _"Oh," Green Lantern said, looking slightly disappointed. Superman let out a sigh of relief, slumping back in his seat._

 _"Can my room be right next to Superman's then?" Green Lantern asked hopefully._

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said, "What I _don't_ love is how the movies seem to pick on Lego Green Lantern Hal Jordan. _Yes._ The 2011 Green Lantern movie was bad. You don't have to pick on the character because of it! I mean, sure, John Stewart _is_ way better than Hal, seriously, he was amazing in those TV shows in the early 2000s, you know, _Justice League_ and _Justice League Unlimited. . ."_

Keldeo blinked his eyes and said, "Uh, what was my point again?"

* * *

 _Unikitty began with a smile as she looked out of the upper corner of her eye, "I was thinking that you guys could train me to be a superhero. Then I could join the Justice League!"_

 _All of the league members minus Green lantern visibly stiffened, an action which was missed by Unikitty. Superman felt his pupils shrink in horror as he tried to imagine the scenario._

 _Sweet mother of Krypton!_ _He thought fearfully. It was bad enough that someone like Green Lantern had managed to get in, but Unikitty?_

 _Wonder Woman was the first to react "A super hero? Being a super hero is dangerous and hard work. Why do you want to do that? "_

 _"Because there's a lot of_ _mean people in the world!_ _" Unikitty replied, her face contorting with rage, turning her fur red. This prompted the four league members to scoot away slowly. But the unicorn cat's normal pink coloration returned, as did her large smile._

 _"So I want to help make the world a better place!" she finished cheerfully._

* * *

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Yeah, not _everyone_ can handle Unikitty's energy. So, Superman decided to tell Unikitty to become Batman's sidekick now that Robin has already gone off to be Nightwing."

* * *

 _"Whew, that was close!" Flash said. "Nice one, Superman!"_

 _Wonder Woman looked at him. "Though you do realize that Batman's going to strangle you once he finds out you told her that."_

 _Superman waved the concern off. "Eh, I'd much rather deal with him than put up with Unikitty joining the Justice League!"_

 _Batman scowled as Unikitty explained the whole story to him. This was an all-new low for Superman._

* * *

"Yeaaaaah, I'm pretty sure you've done plenty of mean stuff to him as well."

* * *

 _Note to self._ _Batman thought bitterly._ _Find some Kryptonite for revenge plan._

* * *

"Case in point," Keldeo added.

* * *

 _He turned back to Unikitty/Robin. "Look, I don't need a sidekick! I've been just fine without one! And even if I did need one, I'd want that sidekick to be able to kick serious butt while having a dark backstory like mine!"_

 _"But I have a dark backstory!" Unikitty answered._

* * *

"Yeah, yeah, Cloudcuckooland got blown up," Keldeo remarked, "I know I sound mean for talking about it like that, but it's not like anyone died during that attack! I'm sorry, but Batman had to watch his parents get murdered right in front of him, and _my_ parents died in a fire! I kinda feel insulted that Unikitty trying to equate her backstory to Batman's, and by extension, mine!"

"So, to his credit, Batman actually shows a bit of patience by explaining to Unikitty exactly why she can't be Robin."

* * *

 _"You don't have any fighting moves or skills, you don't have any criminal investigation training, and aside from the fact that you're a giant unicorn cat thing, you're also really, super girly. If you were my sidekick, no one would ever take me seriously again!"_

 _"But you can teach me all that stuff, can't you?" Unikitty asked sadly "I just want to help out. And you understand how I feel, don't you? After what happened to my home and your parents?"_

* * *

Keldeo suddenly turned into his Resolute Form and powered up his Secret Sword. "I WARNED YOU ABOUT _DARING_ TO EQUATE THOSE TOW THINGS!" he practically roared with rage.

* * *

 _"You never, EVER mention my parents!" Batman roared, a hand pointed in her direction. "You're not my sidekick! You're nowhere close to being hero material and you never will be! Now take your stupid costume and leave me alone!"_

* * *

Keldeo took a deep breath and let it out, powering down his Secret Sword as he calmed down. He returned to his normal form and said, "Okay. . . so Unikitty runs off crying, and it turns out the evil Joker had been watching the whole time."

* * *

 _"Very impressive, Batman," a familiar mocking voice said "I knew you could be mean, but that was just cold-blooded! I'm so proud of you!"_

* * *

"Hold it right there, creep," Keldeo said angrily, "Unikitty touched a _very_ sensitive nerve back there. There are some wounds that never heal, and memories of traumatic events can trigger some pretty explosive out of some people. If anything, Batman was holding back, so keep your compliments to yourself."

* * *

 _Joker reached into the bag, pulling out a colorful box._

 _"Here Bats! Catch!" the clown cackled as he tossed it towards the Dark Knight._

 _Batman knew better than to touch anything the Joker threw at him, so he sidestepped the box's trajectory, letting if fly past him. The box tumbled a few times before stopping on one side. The object turned out to be one of Joker's trick devices, a jack in the box that popped out with a deranged laugh of its own. The doll on the spring turned towards Batman, shooting a puff of gas straight into his face._

* * *

"Well, Batman did sidestep it at first, and it has been a while since they've fought, so I guess you can blame Batman getting knocked out so easily on a little rotten luck," Keldeo explained, "So, when Batman wakes up, he finds himself tied to some kind of rocket or missile. Yeah, it's a cliché, but come on, it's Lego Joker!"

"So we then swing over to Emmet's apartment, and Lucy comes to pay him a visit, only to find that Emmet isn't alone."

* * *

 _It was Unikitty, dressed in a Robin costume for some reason, lying on the couch while she cried softly to herself. Even though the television's laugh track was loud, she paid the show no mind, apparently too occupied with her thoughts. A few discarded tissues lie around the area, as did the box they came from._

 _Emmet walked up next to Lucy, an expression of sympathy on his features. Lucy gave Emmet a questioning look._

 _"What happened?" Lucy whispered, suddenly worried._

 _Emmet shrugged. "I don't know." He replied. "she just came to my door like this and asked if she could stay a while. She hasn't told me much, but from what I can gather, she and Batman had a fight. I was hoping the T.V. would help, but…" he shrugged and exhaled softly._

* * *

"Before they can comfort her, Joker hijacks the television signal and broadcasts a classic evil supervillain message."

* * *

 _"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!" the clown snickered into the camera "This is the Joker with breaking news, featuring everyone's favorite superhero, Batman!"_

 _The camera turned from the Joker's face to pan over to Batman. The caped crusader was bound with several thick restrains, attached to a sizeable rocket on a launch pad. He was surrounded by several armed men, who stared into the camera menacingly. Emmet and Lucy stared in shock. Even Unikitty was paying full attention to the television now._

 _"What!?" Emmet exclaimed. "He's captured Batman!?"_

 _"Tonight, Batman is the lucky grand prize winner of an all-expense paid trip into outer space!" Joker exclaimed, pointing the roof of whatever building he was in. "And we, the people of Bricksburg, are lucky enough to see him experience it on live T.V.!"_

 _The clown walked over to a whiteboard, with rather childish drawings of Batman strapped to a rocket on it. "First, his vacation will take him to the Justice League's new space station, where upon arrival, Batman will host the biggest firework show of the year!"_

 _The illustration on the whiteboard showed an image of the space station exploding. Joker even threw in a few sound effects of his own for emphasis. Joker panned the camera to the next picture, which showed Bricksburg on fire while chunks of the space station rained down upon it._

 _"unfortunately, he won't be around to see the meteor shower that will soon follow afterwards, but I'm sure he won't mind much." He looked into the camera. "After all, where's he's going, I'm sure he's going to have a blast!"_

 _Then the Joker broke down into deranged laughter, while the camera zoomed in on Batman. A timer with red digital numbers appeared below Batman, starting at ten minutes before it began to count down. Emmet, Lucy and Unikitty were left staring at the screen, overwhelmed at what they had just seen. Emmet was the first to break the silence._

 _"Oh my gosh!" Emmet exclaimed with wide eyes. "We've got to do something!"_

 _"Like what?" Lucy asked with a worried look. "We don't even know where they are and we've got less than ten minutes to stop them!"_

 _"I…" Emmet paused, trying to think. "I…I dunno! Maybe the Justice League saw that!_

* * *

Keldeo nodded, "Well. . . yeah! I mean, even if the Joker fixed it so that his message didn't get broadcasted up to the TV in the space station, all someone has to do is send an email or something up to the space station, and then the Justice League could either move the space station or just fly out and intercept the rocket. We have Superman _and_ Green Lantern, I'm sure they could handle this. Or are we just to assume that there's absolutely _no_ way for the people on the ground to contact the Justice League? Huh?"

* * *

 _Unikitty turned to them, a determined look on her face. "I can find him."_

 _The couple of Master Builders exchanged a glance before giving in._

 _"Um, okay." Emmet said uncertainly. "Lead the way, Unikitty."_

* * *

"Yeah, we all know where this is going. Unikitty is somehow able to lead her friends to the Joker's secret launch site, and they manage to cut the power just in time."

* * *

 _Joker cackled to himself as he walked over to the control panel, shoving the goon behind it aside._

 _"Well Bats, I hate to see you leave so soon after we just met up once again," Joker said with a grin "but you have a flight to catch."_

 _The Joker broke into another laughing fit as the sound of the rocket's engines got louder and louder._

 _Suddenly, all of the lights in the building went out. The alarms were abruptly cut short and the missile's noisy flight systems began to die down with a whine. In the darkness, all of the goons were confused by the sudden turn of events. With a growl, the Joker fumbled around in the dark ifor the control panel._

 _"Hmph," Joker snorted, glaring at his goons. "Don't just stand there, go fix the-"_

 _The Joker never got to finish his sentence, as one of the walls to the warehouse suddenly came crashing down. The villains covered themselves as dust and debris flew past them. When they looked back, a large humanoid robotic suit made out of automobile parts stomped inside the room, fists raised in a fighting stance. Two figures that had been holding onto the side of the machine jumped down once they were in the building. One of them Joker had seen before, if only for a brief moment._

 _The unicorn cat dressed in a Robin costume, accompanied by a woman in a black hoodie and whoever was piloting the robot._

 _"This ends right now, Joker!" Robin cat shouted boldly. "Now release Batman!"_

* * *

Keldeo was absolutely giddy as he said, "Oh, boy, you're in for it now Joker! You're up against three angry Master Builders plus a giant robot, all ready to unleash a ton of-."

* * *

 _The Joker and his henchmen stared for a minute before the villainous clown began to laugh, which was soon accompanied by his underlings. When Joker managed to catch his breath, he wiped a tear from his eye._

 _"And I thought I was the only Joker around here!" he chuckled to himself before turning back to the three intruders. "Now what are you three supposed to be? Batman's fanclub?"_

* * *

"Wait, what?" Keldeo said in confusion, "That's your reaction? They're actively foiling your evil plan! Where the hay were you when they were taking out Lord Buisness' robots? And even if you didn't know who they were, HELLO! THEY HAVE A GIANT ROBOT! Seriously, what am I missing here?"

* * *

 _The Joker rolled his eyes. "Sorry dear, your entrance was impressive, but your scare tactics aren't working!" he waved them off, motioning to his henchmen. "Get rid of these losers! We're already behind schedule."_

 _The clown goons quickly loaded their guns, aimed and opened fire. Emmet moved quickly, placing his car-suit mecha in front of his two companions. As the bullets ricocheted off of the metal, a form leapt into the air out from behind the vehicle. It was Unikitty, who had turned completely red aside from her costume. She was in a blind rage, snarling with razor sharp teeth in a quite frightening manner. The gunmen paused for a second, unable to believe what they were seeing._

* * *

"So the henchman all get beaten up fast in this totally awesome fight scene that's written in the most awesome way possible!" Keldeo with a big grin, "But then Joker decides to take out the heroes with a rocket launcher."

* * *

 _After he had slipped a rocket into the weapon, he peered down the sights, aiming it for Emmet's back, as he was too occupied fighting the Joker's men._

 _"Nothing personal, my good man," Joker chuckled darkly as he brought his hand down on the trigger. The launcher kicked back as the projectile soared out of the device, speeding towards the car-suit. But out of nowhere, the crimson Unikitty leapt up, catching the explosive in her mouth and saving Emmet._

 _Joker's face turned from a smug grin to a flabbergasted gape. He let the rocket launcher slip from his grasp and clatter to the ground as Unikitty came back down to the Earth, glaring daggers at him. Then, with a jerk of her head, the unicorn cat tossed the warhead back in Joker's direction. Joker's already wide eyes stretched even bigger when he spotted the explosive shoot straight for him._

 _The clown barely had time to jump out of the way as the rocket soared past him, blowing the stack of crates to pieces. The Joker shielded his face as fiery debris rained down around him. When he removed his hands, he found himself cornered by the furious Unikitty, with teeth bared. But the Joker wasn't out of commission just yet; he quickly reached into his suit and produced a remote, showing it to Unikitty._

 _"Uh uh ah!" Joker said with a smirk as he held the device up. "This happens to be a remote detonator for the missile! If you attack me, I'll blow the entire city of Bricksburg to-"_

 _Unikitty didn't give Joker the chance to finish as she opened her maw to an absolutely ridiculous and seemingly impossible size. Joker stared, at a loss for words as fear suddenly came over him. Then, she brought her teeth down, chomping the remote in Joker's hand in half. Joker jumped back in shock, shielding himself before he noticed the damage done to the remote, which sparked uselessly. He gazed at the device for a second before Unikitty began to advance on him, prompting him to walk backwards._

 _"Well," Joker murmured nervously as he watched the unicorn cat with a few hesitant chuckles "That bites…"_

* * *

 _ **YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**_

Keldeo put on a pair of sunglasses and moved as if to walk away.

* * *

 _"We've already contacted Arkham Asylum and the rest of the Justice League." The shaded police man reported. "Once Joker gets there, the security will be so tight he won't even be able to blink without our permission."_

 _Bad Cop's head switched around to his Good Cop side. "You guys sure did a great job here tonight! The whole city of Bricksburg is indebted to you…again."_

 _"But next time, let the police take care of things!" Bad Cop snapped with a scowl._

 _He switched back to Good Cop. "Well, I guess that wraps things up! I've got to make sure everything goes smoothly at the asylum. Have a good night everyone!"_

 _As Good Cop walked back to talk to his subordinate officers, his head switched back to Bad Cop, who grumbled something about "glory-hogging vigilantes"._

* * *

"Wow, even Good Cop/Bad Cop is written perfectly and well utilized!" Keldeo said, gushing over the story. "But one question remains, how did Unikitty know where Batman was being held?"

* * *

 _Emmet and Lucy turned to Unikitty, who reached into her Robin utility belt and produced a small box._

 _"Uh twaffing duh-vivf," she said around the mouthful of equipment. She put it down so she could speak clearly. "I knew you had one in your suit."_

 _Batman raised a brow. "Hm. You keep surprising me."_

* * *

"Well, Unikitty is pretty smart, so I wouldn't put it past her to use her Robin tracking device to home in on Batman's Bat tracking device," Keldeo said, satisfied with the answer.

* * *

 _Her smile faded slightly as she looked to the ground guiltily. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier, about your pa-"_

 _Batman held up a hand. "No. You weren't wrong. As much as I hate to admit it, I was the one at fault."_

 _Batman paused, gritting his teeth. "And I'm…I'm…I'm sorry." He whispered._

* * *

"Wow, that must have been hard to get out!"

* * *

 _Even though the apology was barely audible, it made no difference to Unikitty._

 _"It's okay!" she smiled before Batman opened his mouth once again._

 _"And…uhh." He hesitated once again, looking uncertain about what he was about to say. "If you were still interested, I suppose I can give you a chance at being…my…sidekick."_

 _Unikitty leapt into the air, shooting off a huge shower of sparks and stars that startled her friends._

 _"HOORAY!" she cheered loudly. Overjoyed, she leapt at Batman, nuzzling him and just about cutting off his air supply._

 _"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" she repeated incomprehensibly._

 _Batman, on the other hand, was way too far out of his comfort zone. He tried to push the unicorn cat off of him gently, but his attempts were unsuccessful._

 _"Okay, your welcome. That's enough!" he muttered nervously. "stop. Stop! STOP!"_

 _He finally gained Unikitty's attention, which gave him the opportunity to put some space between him and her._

 _"Don't do that!" Batman grumbled as he brushed himself off "If you're going to be the new Robin, you have to act like one!"_

 _Unikitty bounced in place excitedly, her smile bigger than ever. "Okay!" she giggled before looking back at him. She suddenly froze, letting out a startled gasp as she spotted something over the Dark Knight's shoulder._

 _"Batman, look!" she cried out, pointing into the dark sky. Batman followed her gaze to the familiar shape of the Bat signal among the clouds. Their help was needed elsewhere._

 _"Quick, to the Batmobile!" Batman declared as the mentioned vehicle suddenly and conveniently swerved into sight. The black car skidded to a halt a few feet away, the top opening up as it did. Batman moved first, running forward and throwing himself into the driver's seat. He glanced over to Unikitty, who was still standing in place._

 _"Come on," he said. "We've gotta go!"_

 _When Unikitty realized that he was talking to her, her eyes lit up excitedly. She tried and failed to hold back a squeal of pure joy, rushing forward and hopping into the passenger's seat. Once she was secure in the vehicle, she turned back to Emmet and Lucy, who were watching them with amused faces._

 _"Bye guys!" Unikitty called. "Thanks for your-"_

 _The new Robin didn't get to finish her sentence as the Batmobile closed back up and shot down the road, kicking in its afterburner and leaving the two behind. They watched until the Batmobile sped away, rounding a corner and disappearing within seconds._

* * *

"Hmmm," Keldeo said thoughtfully, then he said, "Well, compared to Batman's. . . _developments,_ in _The LEGO Movie 2,_ I'd say this is pretty believable!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay, so how did this fanfic do? Well, in case you couldn't tell by all of my smiling a gushing over it during the review, it was sooooo awesome! It had fight scenes and plenty of action, along with some emotional moments. We got to see Emmett and Lucy play and active role in the story as well, and everyone was in _perfect_ character! The story was also well detailed with great descriptions, not to mention funny jokes and a very nice conclusion. It was loads of fun and very well written."

Keldeo's smile suddenly fell as he sighed with frustration and added, " _Unlike. . . THAT OTHER LOUSY FANFIC!"_

Keldeo stomped his hooves and shouted, "That FanfictionNerdLikesFanfiction guy took something and made it into less than nothing! In fact, you know what it's like? It's like when two students turn in two separate projects for a class. . ."

* * *

An armored Stormtrooper from _Star Wars_ walked over to Virizion, who was sitting behind a boulder as if it were a desk. Virizion was also wearing Choice Specs to make her look like a teacher.

The Stormtrooper placed a stack of papers on the boulder and said, "Here's my project, ma'am. I tried to add as much character and psychological development as possible, given the guidelines. I also made sure to pay respect to the character's individual backstories while also showing how they all play off each other. I also included a good amount of action that is well balanced with some emotional moments, so it would have plenty of appeal to wide audience."

Virizion flipped through the papers and smiled, "Well, this is very well put together! Strong story, good character, working beyond the material given to you. . . .A+!"

"Thank you, ma'am,!" the Stormtrooper said happily, and he turned and left.

Virizion then sighed sadly and said, "Okay, now where's my other student, FanfictionNerdLikesFanfiction."

A green _Spongebob Squarepants_ fish wearing a purple shirt ran in and said, "Hey, teach! Here's my project, and it's awesome! It's got a lot of video game tropes! It's got a narrator voice guy! It's got battles, and explosions, and they just yell at each other all the time, and stuff just happens, and they barely talk to each other. It's totally awesome!

Virizion frowned and said, ". . .Did you put _any_ effort into any of this?

"No."

Virizion huffed and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to give you an F."

". . . F as in. . . fantastic?"

Virizion shook her head and said, "No, F as in _fail_."

"As in 'fail not to be fantastic'?"

"No, as in _you failed the test_!"

"As in 'I fail the test of not failing the exam that you so currently gave to me'?"

Virizion shook off the Choice Specs, turned, and stomped off saying, "That's it, I quit. I can't believe Keldeo talked me into this. . ."

* * *

"Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic, I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said as he turned and left.

* * *

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **Credits**_

 _Unikitty!_

 _Green Lantern (2011)_

 _Justice League (2001 – 2004)_

 _Justice League Unlimited (2004 – 2006)_

 _CSI Miami_

 _The LEGO Movie_

 _The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part_

 _Spongebob Squarepants_

 _Star Wars_

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog_

 _Nostalgia Critic: The Odd Life of Timothy Green_


	59. Announcement and Just For Fun Trailer- 2

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it, so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerfully, "You might be wondering why you haven't heard from me for a while. Well, that's because I've been getting things ready for what might be the biggest project I've ever done: a clipless review of _Detective Pikachu!_ "

Keldeo's grin was big and wide, and he nodded excitedly and said, "That's right! Right here, on _Keldeo the Critic,_ you will get to see _Detective Pikachu_ in its entirety. . . as told by me and my friends, of course. Heh-heh. Ash Ketchum will be playing Tim Goodman, Ash's Pikachu will be playing Detective Pikachu, and so on and so on. I am _really_ excited about this, and believe me when I say that it's gonna be awesome!"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "It doesn't even matter if the movie is good or bad, because either way, it'll be fun to reenact it here as I review it. So, keep an eye on me all this month for _Keldeo the Critic Presents: Detective Pikachu_!"

Keldeo stood smiling brightly for a moment, then his smile became sheepish and he said, "Okay, I'm sure many of you came here expecting something more than an announcement, so. . . here's a _My Little Pony_ parody of that horrible live action _Sonic the Hedgehog Movie._

* * *

 _The following PREVIEW has been rated_ _ **JFF**_ _for_ _ **Just For Fun**_

* * *

We see a long stretch of road leading into the rural town of Valley County, situated in Montana. A police car is parked just behind the sign, its door ajar. Suddenly a rainbow blur dashes past the car. Within the car is a police officer named Megan Williams. She records the blur's speed with a speed gun, which reads 760 mph.

Megan's eyes go wide as she says, "What the...?"

She then taps the speed gun, astonished at what just happened.

* * *

Megan picks up and examines a blue feather, amazed by how perfect it was.

* * *

 **Sony Pictures Animation**

* * *

 **Hasbro Studios**

* * *

Something flies through a forest at an incredible speed. From its perspective, everything appears to be a blur. It dives down into a hole and onto a beanbag. The mysterious figure walks past a sizable pile of empty bottles of apple cider.

A hoof reaches out and presses the play button on an old stereo. Crush 40's _Sonic Boom_ begins playing _(This is the song that plays throughout the rest of the trailer._ _)_.

* * *

As the song begins, an equine-like figure with a cyan blue coat and a rainbow-colored mane and tail is seen standing on the aforementioned road. She stretches before spreading a pair of cyan blue wings that were on her back. She looks up, her equine face stretched into a clear cocky smile as her large eyes seemed to sparkle.

"Gotta go fast."

She takes off, flying fast up the road with her forehooves extended out in front of her. A Mach cone slowly forms around her, then she breaks the sound barrier, creating a Sonic Rainboom. As the rainbow-colored ring of energy extended outward at the speed of sound, much of the United States had its power knocked out.

* * *

Within the Pentagon, several personnel are gathered around a table for a meeting, headed by Commander Walters.

"Twenty minutes ago, an energy surge knocked out power across the entire Pacific Northwest," Walters said seriously, "This needs someone who can figure out exactly what we're dealing with."

"You're not suggesting who I think you're suggesting?" said one of the army Generals, not looking very happy about where the conversation was going.

Walter nodded gravely and said, "We have no choice."

* * *

A large transport vehicle drives onto the grounds of a military base. A ramp extends out, which then changes into a set of stairs. Standing in the doorway of the transporter a fair skinned, long red-haired, middle aged woman wearing a brown suit, violet eyeliner, and two large golden bracelets around each of her wrists.

Major Bennington looks impassively at the woman and said, "What the...?"

"Are you in charge here?" the woman asked.

"Yes, I am-."

"Nope!" she interrupted.

"My m-."

"Wrong!"

"I-."

"I'm in charge! Allow me to clarify."

The woman raises her hand and seemingly admires her long nails, which almost resembled the claws of a cat.

"In a sequentially-ranked hierarchy based on level of critical importance, the disparity between us is too vast to quantify," she said quickly, she then turned and called out, "Agent Rep?"

She steps out, and Agent Rep, a man with a lizard tattoo on his arm, says, "Doctor Catrina thinks you're basic."

Bennington frowns and says, "Listen, ma'am, I don't know if you realize who-."

"I'm sorry, Major, what was your name?" Catrina asks as she peered at him.

"Benni-."

"Nobody cares!" Catrina bellowed at him.

* * *

 **THIS NOVEMBER**

* * *

Megan busts into a shack carrying a tranquilizing gun and a flashlight.

"SFPD!" she shouted.

Her flashlight beam lands on Rainbow Dash.

"Uhh..." Rainbow Dash says nervously, then she shrugs and says, "Neigh?"

"AHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHH!"

Megan pulls the trigger and fires a tranquilizer dart into Rainbow Dash's left foreleg.

"Oh, come on. . ." Rainbow groans before fainting.

* * *

Megan is driving a Toyota Tacoma with Rainbow Dash sitting in the front passenger's side seat.

"Okay, flying pony. I want answers," Megan demanded.

Rainbow just shrugged and said, "Basically, it looks like I'm gonna have to save your world. Been there, done that."

* * *

A large robotic vehicle is driving after them. It launches a harpoon which embeds itself in the front windshield between the driver's and passenger's seats. In a flash, Rainbow Dash is out of the car. She dashes up to it and bucks it hard, flipping it onto its right side.

"Ha-ha! Is that all you got?" Rainbow boasted as she flies back to the car.

* * *

In a control room, Catrina smiles and says, "No, but thank you for asking."

* * *

She presses a button, and the vehicle Rainbow damaged deploys a smaller robot with utensil arms. The robot speeds toward the vehicle, and Rainbow watches from the back seat of the car.

"Uh-oh," she said as her ears hung low nervously.

* * *

Catrina stared at one of Rainbow Dash's feathers she was holding in her hands. Agent Rep is right by her. She gently stroked it and ran it through her fingers as she said smoothly, "Whatever this creature is, our job is to secure it, neutralize it, and see what makes it tick."

* * *

Megan and her brother Danny are riding on their horse TJ while Rainbow Dash flies overhead, knocking weaponized drones out of the sky to protect her friends on the ground.

* * *

Megan, Danny, and Rainbow Dash are standing on top of a roof. They are surrounded by aerial robots, and Catrina looks in from her craft. She presses a button, and all the robots launch missiles at them at once. Times seems to stop completely for Rainbow Dash, who flaps her wings a bit and does a couple of push-ups.

"Time to make things 20% cooler," she said with a smile.

Rainbow Dash gathers several missiles and leaps from robot to robot, connecting the missiles to the robots to blow them up.

* * *

 **RAINBOW DASH THE PEGASUS**

* * *

Rainbow Dash lays herself down in a large trunk and looks up at Megan and Danny with an uncertain look on her face, pouting adorably up at them.

"Stay in there and be quiet," Megan urged sternly as she closed the trunk.

* * *

Megan and Danny are walking towards some elevators. The trunk Rainbow is in is loaded onto a hand-truck being pushed by Megan.

"How much longer? I can't breathe in here!" Rainbow said from within the trunk.

A man and a woman then approach the siblings.

"Do you have your _child_ in that bag?" the woman asked with concern.

"No," Megan says quickly, "...I mean, _yes_ , it's a child, but it's not mine."

". . .It's not your child. . ." the man says incredulously.

The man and woman awkwardly step away.

"It smells like an apple core wrapped in moldy hay and dipped in dragon perspiration!" Rainbow complained audibly.

* * *

 **NOVEMBER**

* * *

Catrina smiled wickedly, her face now covered in thick brown fur. Her eyes glow evilly, and then lighting shoots out from them.


	60. Pokemon: Detective Pikachu(2019)- Part 1

**_BOOOOOM!_**

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

 ** _THE SHOW MUST GO ON!_**

 ** _Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . ._**

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

 ** _THE SHOW MUST GO ON!_**

 ** _Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . ._**

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

 ** _I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!_**

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

 ** _I'M NEVER GIVING IN!  
ON WITH THE SHOW!_**

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

 ** _THE SHOW MUST GO ON!_**

 ** _Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . ._**

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

 ** _THE SHOW MUST GO ON!_**

 ** _Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . ._**

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

 ** _I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!_**

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

 ** _I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!  
On. . . with the show. . ._**

 ** _On. . . with the show. . ._**

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.

 ** _SHOW!_**

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

 ** _The show must go on!_**

 ** _Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . ._**

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 23:** ** _Detective Pikachu (2019)_**

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said joyfully, "And here we are! This is it! The most exciting review I've done in quite a while! A clipless review of the _Detective Pikachu_ movie! The very first live action _Pokemon_ movie! This is the moment were we finally answer the question of whether or not a live action _Pokemon_ movie can work!"

Keldeo took a few deep breaths and said, "Okay. . . this took _a lot_ of work on my part to set this up!"

"Ahem!" said Hoopa loudly as he floated over.

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Well, okay, I had a lot of help from Hoopa when it came to getting everyone over here. I also had help from Munna, Victini, Floyd, Zoroark, and of course Matthais when it came to setting up all the technical aspects of this review. So, thanks a lot guys, this review wouldn't have been possible without you. . . or the actors who played a role in the scenes we're recreating today."

As Hoopa snickered and floated off, Keldeo gave a determined nod and said, "Well then, the moment has finally arrived! But before we start, I must warn you that while we can't exactly go through every event or every joke or every detail, this review will be **FILLED** with **HUGE** ** _SPOILERS_** when it comes to the plot, so if you don't want the movie spoiled, leave right now."

Keldeo then smiled and said, "So, with that out of the way, let's start my review of _Detective-._ "

"NOT SO FAST!"

Keldeo turned, and his jaw dropped when he saw Officer Judy Hopps from _Zootopia_ stomping over to him through the shallow water. Right behind her was Officer Nick Wilde, who was chuckling to himself. This was a stark contrast to Judy's fierce scowl.

"Ohmigosh! Judy Hopps!" Keldeo said with glee, "I can't believe you're really here! I loved your movie and how you brought justice to-."

"Don't give me that!" Judy shouted angrily as she pointed an accusing paw at Keldeo, "We all know that _Detective Pikachu_ is just a huge _Zootopia_ rip-off!"

Keldeo's smile fell and he sighed, "Oh boy. . . Listen, Officer Hopps, I know there are a few similarities here and there, but-."

"A few similarities!? This film is loaded with blatantly copied plot elements!" Judy argued irately.

"Uh-oh, Keldeo," Nick said, still with a big grin on his face, "Looks like Judy is hopping mad. . ."

Judy turned to Nick and said, "Nick, how about instead of making jokes, you hand me that file of evidence I put together."

"Glady!" Nick said with a smile, "At least, I _would_ be if I hadn't left it behind."

Judy stared at Nick incredulously, then she face-palmed hard. She brought her paws down and clenched them as she walked back the way she came.

Nick winked at Keldeo and said, "Don't worry. I'll stall her for as long as I can. Maybe then she'll calm down a bit."

Keldeo smiled gratefully at Nick and said, "Thanks. You know her better than anyone else, after all."

"Do I? Yes. . . Yes I do," Nick said before following after Judy.

"Well then," Keldeo said, "With that taken care of, let's get started! This is _Detective Pikachu_!"

"Our story begins in a top-secret facility where a certain Pokemon is being experimented on."

* * *

 _Within a large spherical chamber, Mewtwo sat quietly with his eyes closed._

* * *

"Hey, hey, hey! Hold on!" shouted Pikachu as he ran into the scene, "Why is _he_ the first Pokemon we see? This is _my_ movie! Why does he get to steal my thunder!"

"Nice pun, Pikachu," Keldeo remarked with a smirk.

"I mean it! Now the audience is gonna be all excited about Mewtwo instead of me!" Pikachu complained, "This scene shouldn't be here!"

"Well. . ." Keldeo said slowly, "I kinda have to agree with that."

"Seriously!?" shouted Mewtwo from within the chamber.

"But not for the same reason Pikachu is saying!" Keldeo clarified, "You see, in this opening scene, we see Mewtwo blow up the lab and escape, which is a nice nod to _Pokemon: The First Movie._ But then we see Mewtwo fly after a car that's driving away from the lab, and then we see the car get blown off the road. Now, this scene is almost like a spoiler in a way, and it ruins the mystery. The audience now knows a little more about the mystery than the protagonists. We see this scene later on in the film in parts, which would have made it feel like we're slowly solving the mystery along with the characters. First we hear about a death, then we see the crash, then we see Mewtwo; it was a whole process of gathering information. But showing us the scene like this right at the beginning kinda weakens the whole mystery solving process."

"Whatever," Mewtwo remarked, "Time to kill some evil scientists."

* * *

 _Mewtwo burst out of the chamber and destroyed the room, blasting the scientists back before flying up through the ceiling._

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said, "I swear that Mewtwo has the highest kill count out of all the characters in _Pokemon_."

"Well, we then get our first taste of CGI Pokemon, and what a relief! They look really nice! We see some Pidgey, some Duduo, a couple of Bouffalant; it's a nice way to ease us into the live action Pokemon world, and the Pokemon really do look real!"

"We then meet our protagonist, Tim Goodman, who is trying to catch a Cubone that his friend found for him."

* * *

 _Tim, portrayed by Ash Ketchum, carefully walked over to the Cubone. Ash held a Pokeball in his hand as he approached the Pokemon. Ash opened his mouth to say something, but then he shook his head and said, "No way, I'm not doing this."_

* * *

"CUUUUT!" Keldeo shouted, and he ran over to Ash and said, "What's wrong, Ash?"

"I'm not gonna remind Cubone that his mom died! What kind of person does that?" Ash complained.

"Uh, maybe a person who hates Pokemon because after his mother died his father went to a city filled with Pokemon to escape the grief, neglecting his son and making him feel like his father loved Pokemon more than him?" Keldeo rattled off.

Ash blinked his eyes, and then he said, "Well. . . I guess- wait, no! That makes it kinda worse! Tim's mom died, so how is he able to talk about Cubone's dead mother so easily?"

"Just throw the Pokeball, Ash," Keldeo urged gently.

"Why? So Cubone can break out and chase me while I run away like a coward?" Ash replied.

"Okay, okay, we'll skip this scene," Keldeo relented, "So, Tim gets a phone call about his father's death, so he takes the train to Ryme City. While on the train, we see a promotional video all about this new location."

* * *

 _Ash is sitting in a seat in the train, a somber, almost bored expression on his face, as he watched a video play on the video screen in front of him._

 _"_ _Ryme City is a utopia where Pokemon don't stay in Pokeballs and battles are not allowed. Humans and Pokemon all live in harmony. The creator of this utopia is the brilliant, elderly, terminally ill, wheelchair bound,_ _ **one-hundred percent innocent**_ _Howard Clifford."_

 _An image of Howard Clifford, portrayed by Professor Oak, appeared on the screen._

 _"_ _Um, Keldeo?" Professor Oak asked, "Why do I have to wear this sign?"_

 _Professor Oak pointed to the large sign on his chest that read, "_ _ **VILLIAN**_ _" in big bold letters._

* * *

"Because it's soooooo obvious that you're the bad guy!" Keldeo said condensing, "Seriously! Disney movies have less obvious twist villains than this!"

"So, the train pulls in to Ryme City, and that's when this movie truly begins," Keldeo said with a big grin, "This movie just smacks you in the face with Pokemon! They're everywhere! And it's this whole amazing variety of Pokemon from all these regions, it's just so cool! And every single Pokemon is designed in a way to look real while not looking ugly or out of place. It really does feel like an actual Pokemon city!"

* * *

 _A Machamp stood directing traffic while a Snorlax was sleeping in the middle of the stree. Nearby, some Pancham were climbing around near a relaxing Pangoro._

 _People were walking along with smaller Pokemon like Purrloin and Bulbasaur, and there were some Joltik hanging powerlines._

 _Judy looked around the city and said, "Hmm. . . a train pulls into a utopian-type city, and we get some shots that show how it works in a way that gets the audience invested in its creativity and brings the setting to life for them? Where have we seen that before?"_

 _"_ _Hey, look! A Scorbunny from the Galar Region!" a voice shouted._

 _Judy's eyes widened, and she quickly ran off as a group of curious and/or star struck people ran after her, shouting various questions about the Galar Region._

 _Nick chuckled as he followed quickly, calling out, "Don't worry, Carrots! Pokeballs aren't allowed here!"_

* * *

"So Tim goes to meet with police lieutenant Hideo Yoshida," Keldeo says.

* * *

 _Ash sits across from Yoshida's Snubbull, who was portrayed by Brock's Croagunk. He is sitting at Yoshida's desk with Yoshida's name plate in front of him._

* * *

"Okay, is the movie trying to trick us into thinking that Snubbull is the police lieutenant?" Keldeo asked awkwardly, but then he smiled and said, "That actually sounds like a fun idea! I mean, mostly because of the way Snubbull looks here. He looks awesome and cool and tough and kind of cute in a way. Seriously, is this foreshadowing the sequel?"

 ** _Coming in the Summer of 2021: "Lieutenant Snubbull" There's no bull in this police department!_**

* * *

 _Yoshida,, who is portrayed by Brock, entered the room._

 _"_ _You know, Harry was a great detective, and he loved you very much-," Brock began, but was suddenly cut off._

 _"_ _Shouldn't you be an Officer Jenny?" Ash asked._

 _"_ _OFFICER JENNY!? WHERE!? WHERE IS SHE!?" Brock cried out loud excitedly with hearts in his eyes.._

 _Croagunk immediately Poison Jabbed Brock in the rear, causing him to fall over in pain._

 _"_ _Well, this scene was pointless," Ash remarked as he grabbed the keys to Harry Goodman's apartment and left._

* * *

"So Tim goes to his father's apartment, but he is suddenly confronted by a intern reporter named Lucy and her Psyduck.

* * *

 _Lucy, portrayed by Misty, marches over to Ash and shoves a tape recorder in his face._

 _"_ _What do you know about Harry Goodman!? TELL ME!" Misty demanded._

 _Ash stared at Misty in shock, then he said, "Okay, you can't just walk over to people and demand they talk to you, you're just gonna make them mad or want to get away from you. I think this is why you aren't a real reporter."_

 _Misty huffed and said, "You know what, FINE! I just. . . FINE! Come on, Psyduck!" She and her partner then quickly left._

* * *

"Tim then enters his father's apartment, and for some reason that fake black and white movie from _Home Alone_ is playing on the TV," Keldeo said, and he frowned and said, "I don't get it. I mean, maybe if they did it a parody of it and put Pokemon in it, that would make sense. But no, it's just that gangster movie from _Home Alone._ I can't figure it out."

Keldeo groaned and said, "Okay, the jokes in the first part of this movie are. . . _not awful_. . . They're just not funny. It's along the lines of: Oh look, a Lickitung is licking, a Treeko is on a window, a Snubbull is looking grumpy. I guess it's okay for the opening, because the movie is introducing us to Pokemon. But the film kinda needs to go beyond _'oh, look at this.'_."

* * *

 _Ash walked over to a desk and picked a round, purple paintball-like object._

* * *

"CUUUT!" Keldeo shouted as he marched over to Ash, "What is _that_ doing here?"

Judy joined them and said with a smile, "What? I see nothing _different_ here."

"The R Gas is _not_ the same a Nighthowler!" Keldeo insisted.

"Prove it!" Judy challenged.

"R Gas wears off after a few minutes, Nighthowler victims need to be contained and cured. R Gas only affects Pokemon and not humans, Nighthowler affects predators and prey. R Gas is a gas that spread out into a wide area of effect, Nighthowler is a pellet that has to be fired directly at a target from a gun. R Gas comes from Mewtwo, Nighthowler comes from a plant."

"Okay, okay, here!" Judy said as he put an R Gas capsule into Ash's hands and took the Nighthowler pellet from him. "You win this round, Keldeo!" she said as she walked away sulking.

Keldeo nodded and smiled triumphantly, "That's right. Now, back to the review."

* * *

 _Ash opened the canister and purple gas flooded the room and went out the window. Ash coughed a bit and said, "Ugh! What was that stuff!"_

 _Then Ash shrugged and said, "Oh well. I'm just going to ignore that and NOT go see a doctor after being exposed to what could have been a deadly poison or disease!"_

* * *

"Seriously, I'd be terrified if that happened to me!" Keldeo said fearfully.

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, then Tim sees that his father had prepared a perfect replica of his childhood room with the hope that he'd come live with him again."

* * *

 _Ash looked down at a birthday card in which Harry begged Tim to give him another chance._

 _"_ _Wow. . . I was a jerk," Ash remarked._

* * *

"But then Tim hears something moving around in the apartment and goes to investigate."

* * *

 _Ash held out a stapler and said, "Watch out! I know how to use this! Seriously, I really do know how to use it! I'm an insurance salesman, I use office supplies every day!"_

 _Detective Pikachu, portrayed by Ash's Pikachu, jumped onto the desk and said in a loud voice, "_ _ **I know you can't understand me, so I'm talking like this, although talking like this probably makes no difference, and I should really just bare my teeth and growl at you instead.**_ _"_

 _"_ _Oh, it's okay, I can understand you," Ash replied._

 _"_ _Oh, okay then, that's- OH MY ARCEUS!?"_

* * *

"But before they can comprehend this bizarre event, a group of Aipoms driven crazy by the gas come into to attack them."

* * *

 _Dawn's Ambipom jumped in through the window and snarled, "(ZUUL, SHERLOCK! ZUUL!)"_

* * *

"CUUUT!" Keldeo shouted again, "I said a group of Aipom, not one Ambipom!"

Ash shrugged and said, "Dawn's Ambipom wanted to be a part of this. And it still works."

Keldeo thought about it for a moment, then he nodded and said, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry, Ambipom. Go ahead."

* * *

 _"_ _AHHHH!" Ash shouted as he ran from Ambipom, "Pikachu, do something!"_

 _Pikachu picked up a knife and said, "Hey, Boots! Look! It's me, Dora!"_

 _"_ _PIKACHU!" Ash shouted._

 _"_ _Come on, don't act like everyone_ _ **hasn't**_ _seen that live action Dora the Explorer trailer!" Pikachu argued._

 _Ambipom tackled Ash, and when the dust settled, Ash was in his underwear._

 _"_ _Oh, come on!" Ash shouted in frustration as he took his pants back from the snickering Ambipom._

* * *

"So then Tim tries to see if anyone else can understand Pikachu."

* * *

 _"_ _Hey! Random girl! You can understand him, right?"_

 _"_ _Helloooooooo nurse!"_

 _"_ _WHAT!?" Ash said as he stared wide eyed at Pikachu._

 _Pikachu threw up his paws in desperation and said, "Ash, I'm voiced by the guy who plays Deadpool! What did you expect my dialogue to be like?"_

* * *

"So the pair go to a café where they try to figure out what to do next."

* * *

 _Pikachu glared at the Ludicolo behind the counter and said, "Don't tell me I've had enough! I'll tell you when I've had enough!"_

 _The Ludicolo handed Pikachu a bottle of ketchup._

* * *

"Uh, isn't Detective Pikachu addicted to _coffee_?" Keldeo said questioningly.

"I'm not drinking that bitter stuff. Yuck!" Pikachu said.

"Fine then. Ketchup it is," Keldeo relented.

* * *

 _Pikachu licked some ketchup from the bottle and said to Ash, "Okay, so I've got amnesia, but I found your father's name and address in my hat, so I came here. And since I'm alive, your dad's probably alive too. I've got detective skills, so you want me to held you find your father?"_

 _Ash shrugged and said, "Well, this whole thing is crazy, but I've got nothing better to do."_

 _"_ _Great!" Pikachu said._

 _"_ _No, seriously, I have nothing better to do. I'm an insurance salesman, my life is really boring."_

* * *

"So the next morning, after an all-important wardrobe change because that's an important part of Pokemon. . ." Keldeo smiled and said, "Seriously, think about the last couple of Pokemon games. Clothing is kind of a big deal. Anyway, Tim sees that Pikachu has just. . .dumped all of Harry's files on the floor."

* * *

 _"_ _What are you doing!?" Ash exclaimed._

 _Pikachu's eyes darted at all of the papers on the floor and said, "I don't know. I just know that characters who are investigating stuff always spread out papers and connect them with string."_

 _"_ _But they do that on the wall!"_

 _"_ _I'm too short for that!"_

 _"_ _How about we just go talk to some crazy reporter I met the other day instead?"_

 _"_ _Okay."_

* * *

"So Tim and Pikachu go to the news station. . . which is open to the public for some reason, where Howard Clifford and his son Roger are giving a talk."

* * *

 _Roger Clifford, who is portrayed by Gary Oak, turns to Professor Oak and says nastily, "I hate you! I hate this city! I hate everything you stand for! RAAAAR!"_

 _Misty walks over to Gary and said, "Excuse me-."_

 _"_ _YOUR CLOTHES STINK!" Gary shouts at her before storming off while scowling and growling._

* * *

Keldeo blinked his eyes in shock, then he said, "Well. . . talk about a red herring. . ." Keldeo then grinned slyly and said, ". . .or should I say. . . _blue_ herring?"

 ** _YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!_**

Keldeo put on a pair of sunglasses and turned to leave.

* * *

 _"_ _What do you know about this?" Ash said as he showed Misty the R Gas cannister._

 _Misty gasped and said, "That's what's been making Pokemon go crazy! I've found a whole bunch of those! Harry was investigated them too, and he might have found a lead down at the wharf."_

 _Ash nodded and said, "Alright! Let's go!"_

 _"_ _Wait!" Pikachu said, "What about the scene where I make a whole bunch of romantic remarks about the two of you."_

 _Ash and Misty stared at Pikachu for a moment, then they both burst out laughing._

 _Misty shook her head and said, "Seriously!? The romance in this movie is a joke! It barely even exists. He only mentions liking me two and a half times in this film. We don't even kiss!"_

 _Ash nodded and said, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure me and Serena have a better love story than Tim and Lucy."_

 _Pikachu nodded, "Yeah, you're right about that."_

* * *

"So Tim and Pikachu head to the wharf where they find Harry's informant, a Mr. Mime.

* * *

 _Ash and Pikachu have Mr. Mime, portrayed by Delia Ketchum's Mr. Mime, cornered in a building. Mr. Mime is doing various mime gestures as the pair look on in confusion._

 _"_ _Why can't you just talk!?" Pikachu shouted, "I know you can talk! I've heard Mr. Mimes talk before! You know, the whole 'mime mime mime' Poke-speak thing! Come on!"_

 _Judy walked by, frowning as she remarked, "Our heroes are trying to get information from a character whose species can't communicate normally. . . Flash, Flash, Hundred Yard Dash. . ."_

 _Ash pretend to hold something up in his hand and said, "Alright, Mr. Mime! Tell us what we wanna know, or I'm gonna tickle you with this feather!"_

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said, "Really, Ash? You're gonna tickle him?"

Ash frowned and said, "I'm not gonna pour gasoline on him and set him on fire! Who do you think I am, Hunter J?"

"It's not real, it's miming! Tim didn't _really_ set him on fire!" Keldeo argued.

"It's real to him," Ash said as he pointed to Mr. Mime, "And besides, he's my mom's!"

Keldeo huffed and said, "Alright, fine, skip it! Mr. Mime directs them to an illegal Pokemon battling arena, and we get a cool looking fight between a Gengar and a Blastoise."

Keldeo grinned big and said, "Man, it looked cool! It makes me really excited for a life action Pokemon movie with more battles! Gengar is using Double Team to make copies of himself. Blastoise is spinning around shooting water everywhere! Sure, Gengar does look a little weird, he's more ghostly than what we're used to, but the battle still looks amazing!"

"There's also the little detail of the music being made by beatboxing Loudreds. It's a nice touch."

"So, the place is run by this gangsta-looking DJ named Sebastian-."

A few notes from _Under the Sea_ played.

"-who recognizes the hat-wearing Pikachu."

* * *

 _Sebastian, portrayed by Guzma, walked over to Ash and Pikachu and said, "Hey! That Pikachu messed up my precious Charizard!"_

 _Ash groaned and said, "Really? Guzma? Come on, Keldeo, not Guzma. He's the lamest of all the villainous team leaders."_

 _Keldeo shrugged and said, "Well, Team Skull is the lamest of all the villainous teams, so. . ."_

 _Ash turned to Guzma and said, "What do you know about Harry Goodman?"_

 _Guzma got all up in Ash's face and said, "You give me a rematch, and I'll give you the info."_

 _Charizard then got all up into Pikachu's face and said, "(You wanna know how I got these scars?)"_

 _"_ _Wait, scars!?" Pikachu asked in disbelief, "How did I scar you? It's a Pokemon battle! Sure, I've been hospitalized before, but that's because a Raichu used Hyper Beam on me at_ _ **point blank range!**_ _Seriously, how did I manage to scar you? What am I, Zekrom?!"_

* * *

"So Pikachu and Charizard step into the ring, but not before Sebastian exposes Charizard to the R Gas."

* * *

 _"_ _Okay, Pikachu, here are all your moves-!" Ash began._

 _"_ _Wait, how do you know what moves I know?" Pikachu asked, "You don't have a Pokedex to scan me with, so how could you possibly know what four moves I know, or even if I know four moves?"_

 _"_ _I don't know, maybe I guessed!" Ash said._

 _"_ _Whatever, Thunderbolt!" Pikachu shouted._

 _Nothing happened._

 _"_ _Uh-oh, I forgot all my moves too," Pikachu said flatly._

 _"_ _Are you sure you just didn't run out of PP?" Ash asked._

 _"_ _Nope. I've forgotten all my moves!" Pikachu said._

 _"_ _(ZUUL, SHERLOCK, ZUUUUUUL!)" Charizard roared as he approached._

 _Pikachu grabbed the fence and shouted, "Get me the BLEEP out of here!"_

 _Ash's jaw dropped in shock._

 _Pikachu looked just as shocked as he quickly said, "Wait, wait, wait, I didn't say a bad word there! I said 'heck'! Why'd it bleep me!?"_

 _Keldeo called out, "Because Detective Pikachu says Hell in the movie."_

 _Pikachu looked mortified by this, and he said, "They made a Pikachu_ _ **swear**_ _!? What kind of sick person does that!?"_

 _"_ _Don't ask me, I hate that they did that too," Keldeo said in agreement._

 _Charizard stomped closer, and Pikachu screamed and curled up into a fetal position. "Oh no! If only my tiny body could fit underneath the fence!" he cried out, then he looked up and blinked his eyes in confusion as he said, "Wait, why don't I just crawl out under the fence. I mean, I'm lying on the ground right next to the fence, and you can_ _ **clearly see the great big space between the fence and the ground that I can fit through!**_ _How did the people filming and editing this not see it!? I look like an idiot!"_

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, it gets worse, because then Tim gets into the ring, which furthers makes me wonder why Pikachu can't get out if a human can get in. Then Tim starts kicking and tackling Charizard to save Pikachu, which causes Sebastian to come in and. . . oh, just watch."

* * *

 _"_ _HEY!" Guzma shouted as he entered the ring, "What do you think you're- woah!"_

 _Guzma tripped and fell down, breaking all the vials of R Gas and releasing it into the entire room, causing all the Pokemon to go crazy._

* * *

"Okay. . ." Keldeo said slowly, "Now, you might think that this sounds like a cool turn of events." Keldeo then smiled eagerly and said, "We've got a whole stadium full of Pokemon, all driven wild with battle mania by the R Gas! We could see a variety of Pokemon throwing around a variety of attacks, knocking out Pokemon and blowing things up!"

 ** _Big Machintosh:_** _"_ _Eenope!"_

Keldeo frowned and said, "Yeah, other than the Loudreds playing faster music, nothing really awesome happens here. All the humans just run out of the stadium while the Pokemon roar and stuff, and it all goes way too fast! What a wasted opportunity."

* * *

 _"_ _Woah!" Ash shouted as Charizard tossed him off._

 _Charizard gasped and ran over to Ash, "(Ash! You okay?)"_

 _Ash shushed Charizard and said, "Shhh! You're supposed to be evil!"_

 _Charizard nodded, "(Oh, right.)"_

 _As Charizard roared at Ash, Pikachu ran in holding a Margikarp and shouted, "Go, Magikarp! Evolve into Gyrados!"_

 _As Pikachu threw down the Magikarp, Ash shouted, "No, Pikachu! Evolution doesn't work like-."_

 _Magikarp glowed brightly and evolved into Gyrados._

* * *

"WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted in disbelief, "Pokemon don't evolve just because you tell them too!"

Pikachu looked at Keldeo and said, "Well, Ash's Pokemon often evolve at just the right moment during his battles."

"Well, yeah. . . but that's because he's been training with them and stuff!" Keldeo argued, "So. . . what, this Magikarp just happened to be at just the right level to evolve? Come on!"

Keldeo stood frowning for a moment, then he smiled and said, "But to be fair, that Gyrados looks AWESOME!"

* * *

 _Gyrados washed Ash, Pikachu, and Charizard out of the building. Three police officers showed up and surrounded them._

 _"_ _Why aren't there any Officer Jenny's in this movie? It's just so weird," Ash remarked as he laid on the ground._

 _Pikachu looked at Ash and said, "Really, Ash? That's the weird part of all this to you?"_

* * *

"So Tim and Pikachu are cleared by Lieutenant Yoshida, and Tim tries to convince Yoshida that his father is still alive."

* * *

 _Ash slammed his fist onto Yoshida's desk and shouted, "Already, chief! We tried doing this your way! We tried doing this by the book! But now we're doing it my way! We're gonna- wait, what are you doing?"_

 _"_ _Showing you a video of your father dying?" Brock said as he turned on a television screen. It showed Harry's car getting blown off the road and exploding._

 _Ash and Pikachu stared at the screen silently._

 _"_ _Wow. . . yeah. . . I guess no human could survive that. . ." Ash said slowly._

* * *

Keldeo nodded slowly and said, "Yes. No human could survive that. . . and his body was burned up so completely that not a single bone remained. . . **_THINK!_** "

"So, convinced that Harry is dead, Tim and Pikachu sit down sadly as Tim laments on how he cut ties with his father."

* * *

 _"_ _I should've come live with him. . .why was I so stupid?" Ash moaned sadly._

 _"_ _Hey," Pikachu said gently, "I know it hurts, that feeling of loss. But one thing I know for sure is that your father would be proud of you. You've accomplished so much and come so far. Your dad loved you a lot, and I guess knowing that makes it harder to accept that he isn't around. But if he_ _ **were**_ _here, he would hug you tight and tell you everything I just said."_

 _Ash's eyes teared up, and he leaned over and held Pikachu in his arms, hugging him gently. "Thank you, Pikachu. . ." Ash whispered._

* * *

Keldeo smiled, looking misty eyed and he said, "Wow. That was some great acting, you guys-."

"We're not acting, Keldeo," Pikachu said seriously.

Keldeo's eyes widened, then he swallowed a lump in his throat and said, "Oh, well. . . I see. Maybe we should just. . . take a little break."

* * *

 ** _We'll be right back!_**


	61. Illusion Fox: Pixar's Onward

**Illusion Fox Comedy**

Zoroark smiled and pointed as he said, "Hi, I'm Zoroark! I'm an Illusion Fox, and you might have noticed that a few days ago, Pixar dropped a teaser trailer for their newest film, _Onward._ "

Zoroark folded his arms and said, "Now, after all those Pixar sequels and all those Disney live action remakes, everyone in the comments section of that teaser went crazy about how Disney is finally doing something new and creative and fresh and finally- _Zootopia._ "

Zoroark had a deadpanned expression as he said, "Think about it. _Zootopia_ takes place in a modern world where animals take the place of humans. _Onward_ takes place in a modern world where mythical creatures take the place of humans."

Zoroark shrugged and said, "But that doesn't make it bad. I mean, much like how _Zootopia_ gave us clever puns, visual gags, and infrastructure; _Onward_ seems geared to do the same. We see a newspaper that talks about a 'centaur gallop poll', we see an actual troll working in a tollbooth that says 'cash or riddle' on it, we see a clothing store for giants called 'really big and tall,' there's a garden gnome mowing the lawn, stuff like that."

Zoroark grinned and said, "There's also a scene with a pet dragon, and the elf uses a spray bottle on it whenever it breaths fire. That makes perfect sense. Then she tells it to go back to its lair, which is pretty clever too."

Zoroark held up a claw and said, "Now, to be fair, while the settings are similar, the plots are far different. _Zootopia_ was a mystery with an anti-racism message. _Onward_ is a story about two elf brothers searching for the magic they need to speak with their deceased father. There are plenty of possibilities for a story like that."

Zoroark grinned again and said, "Also, it's totally awesome that the brothers are voiced by Spiderman and Star Lord imitating Thor! Genius!"

Zoroark then began scratching his chin a bit as he said, "Now, there are two things that bug me about this trailer. First off, there's this little visual gag of a mermaid using a cellphone while sitting in an inflatable pool on the front lawn of her house."

Zoroark frowned and said, "Okay, I have several questions. First off, how did she get into that pool? Second, how is she gonna get out and back into her house. Third, _why would a mermaid live in a house!_ Now, if the house was underwater, like, her property is actually a giant pool with a house in it, that could work. But why and how would a mermaid live in an above ground house? It makes no sense."

Zoroark's frown deepened and he said, "The other thing that bugs me is this: we see centaurs, satyrs, trolls, goblins, mermaid, gnomes, and elves all doing well for themselves in this modern world. They got jobs, houses, vehicles, technology, and all sorts of good stuff. Time went on, and they all adapted improved along with the times."

Zoroark threw up his arms in frustration and said, "So why have the winged unicorns gone feral!? Why!? Is it because all the other creatures count as people while the winged unicorns are just animals? That doesn't work, because dragons are pets in this world. Why didn't the elves and gnomes and whatever other smaller creatures domesticate the winged unicorns? They can fly! They're echo friendly transportation! This is ironic because the older brother elf has this huge gas burning van with a unicorn painted onto it. Seriously, it almost feels like Pixar did this to spite _My Little Pony_ or something. I know I can't prove that, but that's what I believe!"

Zoroark shrugged and said, "Oh well. It's an annoying detail, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to learn more about this film. It has a strong, emotional premise, seemingly entertaining characters, and a fun world that is bound to have just as many fun Easter eggs, cool background events, and creative character designs as _Zootopia._ Pixar hasn't lost its touch at all."

Zoroark pointed with a claw and said, "Now I wanna here from you! What did you think of the teaser trailer for _Onward_? Are you excited to see it? Did you spot any details that I missed? Come on, let me know!"

Zoroark smiled a bit and said, "Be sure to Follow and Favorite, you won't regret it! Night Slash! _**Raaar!**_ "

Zoroark then stepped forward and playfully swiped at the camera.

* * *

 **The End**


	62. Pokemon: Detective Pikachu(2019)- Part 2

_**The show must go on!**_

 _ **Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .**_

 **Keldeo the Critic- Season Five**

 **Episode 23:** _ **Detective Pikachu (2019)**_

Keldeo had a pensive look about him. After a moment of thought, he said, "You know, people have made a lot of theories and guesses about who Ash's father is, where he ism what happened to him. . . Sure, the anime might not touch on that stuff, but it's still _there_. I guess Ash keeps himself busy so he's not constantly dwelling on it, but it's gotta hit him every once and a while. I guess what I'm trying to say is. . . Ash is a deeper character than he appears. . . and perhaps the writers owe us, and him, a bit more closure."

Keldeo nodded and said, "Okay then, back to the review."

* * *

 _A black car suddenly pulled up in front of Ash and Pikachu._

 _"That's definitely a bad guy car," Pikachu remarked._

* * *

"No, that was not a joke for the review, that really is an actual line from the movie," Keldeo said with a straight face.

* * *

 _Out of the car steps Howard Clifford's sunglasses wearing assistant, Ms. Norman, portrayed by Jessie._

 _"And a literal bad guy is driving it! Come on!" Pikachu said, "And even if Jessie wasn't playing her, she's wearing a pair of evil sunglasses! At night!"_

* * *

"So our heroes willingly enter into the 'bad guy car' driven by a mysterious stranger that doesn't talk-," Keldeo stopped to facehoof, and he said, "Seriously, what is wrong with these-."

Keldeo put his hoof back down and said, "So. . . Ms. Norman drives the pair to Howard Clifford's skyscraper where they go up to the top floor to meet the man."

* * *

 _Professor Oak is sitting in the shadows while an Eevee is standing on his desk._

 _"Pokemon a powerful and can evolve into the best versions of themselves. Superiority. Power. Various other cryptic phrases with ominous undertones," Oak said._

 _Eevee evolved into Flareon and walked away as Oak came out of the shadows._

 _Ash blinked and said, "Uh, why are you making it so obvious that you're the bad guy?"_

 _Oak looked at Ash in confusion, "Why, whatever do you mean, my boy?"_

 _Ash pointed at Oak and said, "You were sitting in the shadows while you made an evil sounding speech to us after you had your evil looking henchmen bring us here. It's like you're trying to imitate Dr. Claw from the original Inspector Gadget cartoon. You even have that Eevee there to play the role of Dr. Claw's cat!"_

 _"Your father is alive," Oak said._

 _"Oh my gosh, tell me everything you know!" Ash said excitedly._

* * *

"So Howard uses special hologram technology to recreate the crash scene in the room," Keldeo said, "I'm not entirely sure how this works, or how his hologram cameras are able to record things that the police camera's can't see, or why Howard doesn't let the police have this potentially _crime stopping and life saving technology. . ._ "

Keldeo grinned and said, "But the effect is awesome! There's one part where the car flips in and looks like it's gonna hit them, but it's a hologram so it goes right through them. Oh, it's just such a cool effect that makes it look like an actual virtual reality inside the room."

* * *

 _In the hologram, Harry Goodman is lying face down on the ground near the crash as Pikachu looks on worriedly. Then Mewtwo floats down and points at Pikachu._

 _"Mind Crush!" Mewtwo said._

 _Pikachu fell over as his memories were erased._

 _Mewtwo then levitated Harry Goodman off the ground, and the holographic scene turned off._

 _"Mewtwo was being held in my son's evil Pokemon lab," Oak said, "If you want to find your father, you must look there."_

 _"Wait, why did the hologram stop there?" Ash asked, "I mean, if you had cameras recording this, shouldn't they have just kept on recording? Why would it just randomly stop right when Mewtwo was picking up my father?"_

 _Pikachu chuckled and said, "Heh-heh. Just more proof that he's evil. . . which neither of us will pick up on for some reason."_

* * *

"So our heroes ask Lucy for help, and she manages to steal some info about the lab from Roger. Then they all decide to go over to the lab and sneak in. . . somehow. . ."

* * *

 _Ash and Misty are riding in the front seat of Misty's car, while Pikachu and Psyduck are in the back._

 _"(If you don't give me a foot massage, I'm gonna blow up this car with a Psychic attack)," Psyduck said._

 _"That is NOT a thing!" Pikachu argued, "When has that ever been a thing in the games, manga, or anime!? If that was true, no one would ever want a Psyduck! This movie presents Psyducks like they're all walking time bombs, and that's just wrong! People would avoid them at all costs if this were the case!"_

 _The gang arrives at the fence surrounding the facility, and Misty begins cutting a hole in the fence with some wire cutters._

 _"Uh, wait," Ash said nervously, "Aren't you worried about the security cameras?"_

 _"No," Misty said._

 _Ash and Pikachu both fell over in comic anime style._

* * *

Keldeo frowned and said, "I have nothing to say. Lucy isn't too bright."

"So, when our heroes enter the lab, they find more hologram videos that not only show Mewtwo escaping, _which again shows how dumb it was to spoil that scene back in the beginning of the film,_ but also reveals that the R Gas was made from Mewtwo's DNA, the scientists were working on a mind control headband, and the one who captured Mewtwo in the first place was none other than Harry Goodman!"

Mewtwo flew over to Keldeo and shouted in a rage, "WHAT! HOW!? How did some random detective human with a Pikachu manage to capture ME!?"

"Master Ball?" Keldeo suggested.

Mewtwo frowned, his eyes shooting death glares as he clenched his fists. Then he turned and floated away without a word.

"So, it turns out Roger was watching them through the _security cameras-_."

 _ **Hiro San:**_ _"STUPID! YOU'RE SO STUPID!"_

"-and remotely sends a trio of evil Greninja to kill them."

* * *

 _Three spherical pods suddenly opened up. Ash's Greninja jumps out at the heroes. Then Zoroark and her son jump out on either side of him and turn into Greninjas as well._

 _Judy walked into the scene and gestured towards the Greninja, saying, "Wow. Our heroes have infiltrated a top-secret facility with dangerous creatures locked up inside of it. I could've sworn that I've seen this before, but I'm just a dumb bunny, so what do I know?"_

 _"Sarcasm Self-Test Complete," a computer voice said._

 _Nick leaned in and said, "Uh, Carrots, you might want to get out of there. Like, right now."_

 _Judy looked over at Nick and said, "Why?"_

 _The Greninja that was Zoroark's son suddenly grabbed Judy and tossed her into one of the pods, which promptly closed, trapping her inside._

 _Ash sighed, "Well, this movie isn't based of a main series game where Pokemon battles are the focus, so RUN!"_

 _As the Greninjas chase the heroes through the lab, Judy pounded on the glass and shouted, "Nick! Do something!"_

 _Nick looked innocently at Judy through the glass and said, "Do something? Like what? Be more specific, Carrots. I mean, technically,_ _ **this**_ _is doing something:"_

 _Nick then began poking the glass right where Judy's nose was._

 _"YOU DUMB FOX!" Judy shouted._

 _"You sly bunny," Nick said with a grin._

 _"GET ME OUT OF HERE!"_

 _The heroes break a window and run through a Torterra garden and out of the lab. The Greninja follow behind them throwing Water Shurikens at them._

 _"(ZUUL, PROTAGONISTS, ZUUUUUL!)" the Greninja shout._

 _"Hey, Psyduck!" Pikachu shouted, "Saving money on car insurance with Geico is so easy, a Psyduck could do it!"_

 _"(WHAT!?)" Psyduck shouted in a rage, "(NOT COOOOOOL!)"_

 _Psyduck send a massive Psychic attack at the Greninja, which blasted them away._

* * *

"Now, here's a bit of clever attention to detail," Keldeo said with a smile, "At first, you might think this makes no sense, as Greninja are Water-Dark Type, and would be resistant to Psychic attacks. However, this Greninja probably have the ability Protean, which means that using Water Shuriken, a Water type attack, would cause them to become pure Water types, taking away their resistance to Psyduck's Psychic attack. Genius."

"However, our heroes aren't safe yet, because it turns out the land surrounding the lab is made up of Legendary-sized Torterra created by the scientists, and Psyduck's attack has caused the giant Pokemon to start moving. So now the ground is bending and breaking apart, sending trees and boulders flying everywhere!"

* * *

 _Ash, Misty. Psyduck, and Pikachu flailed their arms wildly._

 _"WOAAAAAH! WOOOOAAAAAH! Alright, hold it. Keldeo, this green screen just isn't working," Misty said sourly as she motioned to the video of land being upheaved that was playing behind the heroes._

* * *

Keldeo nodded and said, "Yeah, there's no imitating the amazing effects the film had. This scene was so completely EPIC! The sounds of trees snapping, crocks crumbling, the very earth moving up and down! Plus, the way the land was just grinding and zooming along with our heroes holding on for dear life. What was once the ground suddenly becomes a cliff, it's like something out of _Super Mario Galaxy_! Seriously, this was an incredible scene that really puts you right in the middle of the action."

Keldeo breathed out and continued, "Whew! Well, eventually the Torterra all finally settle back down, but our heroes aren't out of the woods let, because now Pikachu is dying."

Pikachu looked at Keldeo in confusion. "I'm dying? Why am I dying?" he asked.

"A rock hit you," Keldeo replied.

Pikachu blinked his eyes, and he asked, "You mean, like, a huge boulder landed on me and partially crushed me?"

Keldeo shook his head slowly and said, "Well. . . no. . . It was more like a Pokeball sized rock.

Pikachu looked all the more confused at this, "So. . . it was really sharp and now I'm bleeding to death?"

Keldeo fidgeted a little, then he said, "Actually. . .it just hit you in your tummy."

Pikachu just stared at Keldeo.

"Aw come on, Pikachu! It's a PG movie! It couldn't be too graphic!" Keldeo argued.

"I know, I know, but come on! A little rock hits me and I'm dying!?" Pikachu argued, "That makes me look like a whimp! Pokemon get burnt, punched, kicked, and blasted all the time! It took a Hyper Beam at point blank rage to send me to the hospital, and you're telling me that a single rock hitting me in the stomach is enough to kill me? Where is this rock anyway?"

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Um. . . you're standing on it."

With wide eyes, Pikachu picked up the rock and exclaimed, "What!? Are you kidding me?! This tiny little thing almost kills me!? What is this, the rock that got levitated by those stupid earth benders from Shyamalan's _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ movie? This is an insult!"

Misty put her foot down and shouted, "Pikachu! Can we please just move on already!?"

Pikachu huffed and said, "Fine."

* * *

 _Pikachu tossed the rock up and let it bounce off of his stomach._

 _"Ouch! Ooh! Ouch! Ouch! I'm dying!" Pikachu shouted as he collapsed onto the ground._

 _"Noooooooo!" Ash shouted, "It's Diancie and the Cocoon of Destruction all over again!"_

 _Suddenly, a wild Bulbasaur, portrayed by Ash's Bulbasaur, waddled over to the group._

 _Ash looked to the Bulbasaur and said, "Please! We need a healing Pokemon!"_

 _Bulbasaur nodded, and he turned to walk away. He turned to look behind him, and stopped when he saw that the group wasn't moving._

 _"(Uh, aren't you gonna follow me? I mean, you asked for a healing Pokemon, and I see no reason why you can't pick Pikachu up and follow me to the healing Pokemon. I mean, what exactly did you expect me to do? I mean, wouldn't it be common sense for you to try and follow me? I'm not running away or anything, I'm moving slowly. That obvious means 'follow me' so. . . Look, even if I didn't want you to follow, you'd think you'd try following me anyway in the hope that I might be taking to something that can help your dying Pikachu. But no, you're just gonna sit there. . . looking sad. . . Okay, fine, I'll come back with a whole army of Bulbasaurs. Maybe then you'll figure out that you gotta follow us. But the girl and the Psyduck can't come. . . for. . . reasons.)"_

* * *

"So, I'll admit it, the scene of Tim being led through the forest by the Bulbasaurs is very pretty and nice and full of wonder. We've spent so much time in a city environment, so it's nice to see the natural side of the Pokemon world. Really, it's beautiful," Keldeo said with a smile.

"So, the Bulbasaurs take Tim and Pikachu right to Mewtwo's lair, and Mewtwo then heals Pikachu."

* * *

 _"That's for sabotaging the lab's electrical system so I could escape. Thanks," Mewtwo said._

 _"I did that!?" Pikachu exclaimed._

 _"Forget that! Where's my father!?" Ash demanded._

 _Mewtwo looked down at Ash and said, "You're not even gonna thank me for saving- Oh, whatever! Howard Clifford never told you what happened to your father, did he?"_

 _Ash frowned and said defiantly, "He told me enough! He told me you took him!"_

 _Mewtwo shook his head and said, "No. Pikachu is your-AUUUUGHHH!"_

 _Several drones flew in and electrocuted Mewtwo and carried him up into a spherical pod. Nearby is Gary Oak wearing sunglasses while smirking evilly._

* * *

"So, it looks like Roger has recaptured Mewtwo, and Pikachu feels guilty about betraying Harry Goodman."

* * *

 _"I'm nothing but a traitor! I have to leave!" Pikachu shouted._

 _"Wait, Pikachu, didn't we agree that my dad was a jerk for capturing Mewtwo for the evil scientists?" Ash said._

 _"I'm still a traitor that betrays people!" Pikachu moaned._

 _"But you only did that to help Mewtwo," Ash argued, "As long as I don't do anything evil, you aren't gonna betray me."_

 _Pikachu opened his mouth to argue back, but then he closed it and said, "Oh man, I can't think of any other reasons why I should leave you. . .ummm. . . I guess I'll just zap you."_

 _ZAP!_

 _"Ouch!" Ash shouted as he shook his hand._

 _"There! Now I can leave! Bye!" Pikachu shouted as he ran away._

* * *

Keldeo sighed and said, "Okay, I know the _Second-Act Breakup_ or _Plot-Mandated Friendship Failure_ has been used a lot in media. . .but here. . . I kinda think it works here. Mostly because Tim and Pikachu don't really hate each other, and they don't really stop being friends either. It also helps that Tim doesn't want Pikachu to leave, but kinda just lets him leave so he can cool off for a while. Neither of them are being stupid or unreasonable. Pikachu is just really confused and distressed, so it's understandable for him to want to distance himself from the person he cares about."

Keldeo smiled and said, "Good job, writers."

"Hmph!" a voice said.

Keldeo turned to see Judy Hopps standing with her arms folded and her right foot tapping in frustration.

"So what? So this film handled this trope a little bit better than the rest. Why does this make it so amazing?" Judy remarked.

Keldeo glared at Judy angrily and said, "Well, it sure did it a lot better than _Zootopia_! It's not like one of them went on the TV news and gave this incredibly racist speech about how an entire race is biologically inclined to be violent and savage, not long after a member of the group they're making that racist speech against shared a painful childhood memory with them, and then top it all off by reaching for a can of repellant specifically made for his exact species!"

Judy's ears flopped down low and she bit her lip. "You just _had_ to rub it in, didn't you?" she replied with tearful eyes, "You have no idea how I felt after I did that to Nick! It haunted me every night! It still haunts me from time to time! I was nothing but a lousy hypocrite! And then when I saw Gideon again, and saw how he had turned his life around and become so successful after I had pretty much demonized him as a heartless monster in my mind since the day he scratched me, it hit me how much of a narrow minded fool I truly was!"

As Judy stood panting after her outburst, Keldeo's eyes widened and his glare became a look of realization. "Oh my gosh. . ." he said softly.

Nick Wilde stepped next to Keldeo and nudged him in the side. "And he finally gets it, ladies and gentlemen!" he declared.

Keldeo walked closer to Judy and knelt down a little so that they were eye to eye. "I know why you were so hostile towards this movie. Seeing these two detectives split up for a misguided yet honorable reason that wasn't anyone's fault. . . made you feel even worse about how your split up with Nick was not only dishonorable, but mostly your fault."

"Keep rubbing. Keep rubbing," Judy remarked, her voice filled with a mixture of anger and sadness.

Keldeo shook his head quickly and said, "No, no, no. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that. Look, what I mean is. . .well. . ." Keldeo closed his eyes and sighed, then he looked Judy right in the eye and said, "Judy. . . Do you know why you are my and Matthais' favorite Disney character of all time?"

Judy was surprised to hear this, and she just stared back at Keldeo in shock.

"It's because you're a real person," Keldeo said with a sympathetic smile, "You're not this powerful hero that dominates the story with pure skill and wit. You're not a smooth character that slides through the plot with a devil-may-care attitude. You're not some pure hearted spirit that always makes the right choice and only making a mistake due to someone else's trickery. Sure, those characters are fine, and Disney has plenty of them in their stories. But you, Judy Hopps, are the most real. Your beginning is standard and relatable. You have beliefs and convictions that you hold on to. But most importantly, you have flaws that normal people have, and make mistakes that normal people make. You jump to conclusions, you have trouble changing your world view even as it's challenged right before your eyes, and your old habits die hard. Those are things that pretty much every single person struggles with in the real world. The fact that you're ashamed of your mistakes and never want to repeat them shows what a good person you really are."

Keldeo the smiled widely and said with a chuckle, "Heh-heh. And hey, I know I'm not perfect! First, I didn't listen to the Swords of Justice because _'I want it NOW!'_ Then I decided to just run away from my problems instead of facing them, and nearly tried to get someone else to fix my own mistakes! Gosh, I was just _awful_ in _Kyurem vs The Sword of Justice_! But I learned from it, just like you learned from your mistakes. And now, I'd say we're both better and more powerful than we've ever been. Wouldn't you agree?"

Judy just blinked her eyes thoughtfully, but Nick had a big cocky grin on his face as he walked over to her and said, "I certainly would."

Judy sighed, and she said to Keldeo, "I'm sorry for acting the way I did, Keldeo. And, I really appreciate everything you said. I guess I should stop punishing myself for my past mistakes and just move on from them. If anything, people who see what I did can learn from it and not make the same mistakes I did. So, I guess that's good."

Keldeo nodded and said with a smile brimming with satisfaction, "It certainly is. So, would you and Nick like to sit back and finally enjoy the rest of this review?"

"Would we like that?" Judy asked innocently, then she smirked and smirk that would make Nick proud and said, "Yes. Yes, we would."

"Finally!" Nick said as he suddenly produced a container of blueberries with his left paw and led Judy off with his right paw, "Boy, was it exhausting having to run around this movie set looking for ways to prove this movie ripped off _Zootopia_! Sheesh, Carrots, I know bunnies are supposed to be fast and full of energy, but I'm pretty sure you're in a league of your own!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, Tim, Lucy, and Psyduck go back to the city while Pikachu just wanders off while stewing in his own self-pity as he sings a very familiar tune."

* * *

" _I wanna be. . . the very best. . . that no one ever was. . ." Pikachu sang through his tears, but then he stopped and said, "Wait, that song exists in this universe? That. . .actually makes sense. I'm sure some band would write and perform this song to show their love for Pokwmon. Yeah that works- Wait! I'm at the bridge the accident took place!"_

 _Pikachu looked down and picked up a piece of something._

" _This is a piece of a Greninja Shuriken," Pikachu said._

* * *

"WHAT!?" Keldeo shouted, "That's impossible! Water Shuriken is made of _water_! It doesn't leave any pieces because it just splashes back into water when it hits! Sure, maybe if it were an Ice type attack, it could work, even though it probably would have melted away by now anyway, but it's not an Ice type attack! It's a Water type attack! There couldn't _possibly_ be any evidence left behind! Oh come on, the writers were doing so well with the Protean ability reference from earlier!"

* * *

 _Pikachu's eyes widened and he said, "Oh my gosh. If it was a Greninja that caused the crash, and Howard Clifford didn't show us the Greninja in his hologram recording of the accident, that means he hid from us on purpose, which mean. . .HOWARD CLIFFORD'S THE BAD GUY!"_

 _The Intoxiquer from the Angry Bug Show suddenly flew in and shouted, "NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!"_

* * *

"Meanwhile, Lucy tries to warn the citizens participating in a giant Pokemon parade, while Tim goes up to Howard Clifford's office."

* * *

 _Ash burst into the room and shouted, "Your evil son has Mewtwo!"_

 _Oak smiled and said, "Oh, my real son is locked in the closet. What you saw was just my genetically modified Ditto. Look."_

 _Ash's eyes went wide as he saw Jessie walk in. She took off her sunglasses to reveal a pair of creepy Ditto eyes. She then transformed into Gary, and then into Zoroark's son._

" _Zoroark!" he shouted, then he looked down at himself and smiled sheepishly. "Oops. I mean. . ."_

 _He then turned into Ditto and shouted, "Ditto!"_

 _Oak smiled and said, "Now it's time to reveal my evil plan!"_

 _A spherical pod containing Mewtwo came out of a hole in the floor. Mewtwo was wearing a mind controlling headband as he sat within, being drugged with R Gas. Oak put on the mind control headband and went limp in his chair. The pod opened, and Mewtwo stepped out, now possessed by Oak._

" _I worked!" he said, "Now, with all those giant Pokemon balloons filled with R Gas out there, I can finally put my master plan into motion!"_

 _Ash gasped and said, "Oh my gosh! Not only are you a powerful Legendary Pokemon now, you'll also have an army of savage Pokemon you can use to take over the world!"_

 _The possessed Mewtwo stared ta Ash and said, "What are you talking about? I'm not trying to take over the world."_

 _Ash got an Anime sweatdrop and he said, "But. . . then. . .what is your plan?"_

" _While the Pokemon are under the affects of the R Gas, I'm going to use Mewtwo's powers to put all the humans into the bodies of the Pokemon!"_

 _Ash stared at the possessed Mewtwo blankly and said, "But. . . Mewtwo. . . can't do that."_

" _Yes, he can."_

" _No, he can't. He's not_ _ **Arceus**_ _. He's a powerful Psychic type. He can mess with minds, but not with souls! Or matter!"_

" _Ditto, kill him."_

 _Ditto turned into a Machamp and roared, "(ZUUL, DOCTOR WATSON! ZUUUUUUL!)"_

* * *

Keldeo gave a sad sigh and said, "Okay, so not only is Water Shuriken made of glass, but now Mewtwo has the power of Super Polymerization. Yeah, now he's the Supreme King from _Yu-Gi-Oh GX._ So, Howard floods the city with the R Gas and starts fusing all the people into the Pokemon."

* * *

 _Misty ran around shouting, "Don't let your Pokemon breathe the gas!"_

* * *

"Again, not a joke for the review! That's literally a line from the movie! Lucy is telling the Pokemon to _stop breathing_!" Keldeo said in disbelief.

* * *

 _Misty flailed her arms and shouted, "Well, what do you want me to-."_

 _ZAP!_

" _(Oh, come on!)" Misty said, now fused with her Psyduck._

* * *

"So while Roger, who finally escapes from the closet, and Tim have a wrestling match with the evil Ditto, Pikachu shows up and uses his powers to have a battle with Mewtwo- IT'S AWESOME!" Keldeo shouted with eyes wide.

* * *

 _Mewtwo fires attacks down at Pikachu as he run across rooftops. Pikachu jumps onto a giant Pikachu balloon and surfs alongside it using his electrically charged tail as a surf board. Mewtwo bursts through the balloon and it explodes, but Pikachu fires a Thunderbolt at him._

* * *

"SO COOL!" Keldeo shouted, fully thrilled by the battle.

* * *

 _Pikachu runs across a rooftop as he uses Volt Tackle to collide directly with Mewtwo. He falls down damaged by the recoil, but manages to send Mewtwo flying._

* * *

"Like with the Torterra scene, I cannot do this battle scene justice in a review. You have to see it for yourself!" Keldeo urged.

* * *

 _Ditto, now as a Charizard, marched towards Ash._

 _Ash pulled a tube filled with R Gas out of the spherical capsule and sprayed Ditto with it, causing Ditto to melt into a puddle and faint._

" _Yeah! Alright! Take that you- waaaaaait," Ash said in sudden realization, "I thought R Gas made Pokemon violent? Why did it make Ditto faint? Why would I even consider trying this in the first place! Ditto is already trying to kill me, wouldn't spraying him with R Gas make it worse!"_

 _Gary shrugged and said, "Plot-holes. Go figure."_

 _Outside, the possessed Mewtwo recovers and flies in to grab Pikachu._

" _A Pikachu cannot defeat Mewtwo!" he shouted._

 _Pikachu stared at him and asked, "Say that again?"_

" _A Pikachu cannot defeat Mewtwo!"_

 _Pikachu tired to hold back his laughter, but failed and ended up bursting out with laughter._

" _Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh my gosh! Have you never played a single Pokemon game in your entire life!" Pikachu shouted, "Seriously, a Pikachu can defeat_ _ **Arceus**_ _if it wanted to! Oh my gosh, you are son funny! Ash, you can pull his plug now!"_

" _What? NOOOOO!"_

 _Ash pulled the plug on Oak mind control headband, and Mewtwo suddenly went limp and started to fall._

 _Pikachu's eyes widened and he shouted, "Uh oh, I didn't think this throoooooouuuuuuugh!"_

 _Luckily, recovered quickly enough catch both himself and Pikachu and float them down safely to the ground._

 _Ash ran over and said, "Pikachu! Are you okay?"_

 _Pikachu stared at Ash with wide eyes and said, "How did you get down here so fast!? You were at the top floor of the skyscraper!"_

 _Ash blinked awkwardly, and he replied, "Uh. . . an Escape Rope. . . I guess?"_

 _Mewtwo looked at the two and said with a smile, "You two have showed me that not all humans are evil and that humans and Pokemon can be friends." Mewtwo then frowned and said with deadpanned expression, "It seems like I have to keep learning that lesson in every single movie I'm in." Mewtwo then nodded and said, "Anyway, as thanks for saving me, I'll just put defuse all of the humans and Pokemon."_

 _Mewtwo then waved his arm and it was done in an instant._

" _Wait, what about my father?" Ash asked._

 _Mewtwo stared at Ash and said, "Seriously? You haven't figured it out yet?"_

 _Mewtwo hen pointed at Pikachu, and with a flash, Harry Goodman, portrayed by Looker was defused out of him._

 _Looker face plamed and said, "I can't believe this movie actually decided to borrow from_ Poochinski _and_ Nine Lives _!"_

" _Pika-pika," Pikachu said flatly._

* * *

"And so, Howard Clifford is arrested, Roger vows to undo all the damage his father has caused, Lucy gets a big promotion in the Rhyme City News, and Tim decides to quit his insurance job and stay in Rhyme City with his dad, so he can become a detective just like him. And Detective Pikachu? Well. . .he's just a normal non-talking Pikachu now, I guess."

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, that was _Pokemon: Detective Pikachu,_ and both myself and my cast pointed out a whole lot of criticisms during this review. There were a few plot holes, the mysteries were kinda obvious, and film made up its own rules at certain points. But you know what? None of that really matters all that much? Why? BECAUSE THIS MOVIE WAS AWESOME!"

Keldeo backflipped excitedly and said, "I am so GLAD that they hired Deviant Artist _arvalis (RJ Palmer)_ to design these Pokemon, because they all look like they belong, like you could touch them, like they really are in this live action environment. The textures, the scales, the fur, it's all so awesome! Even Gengar didn't look _that_ bad. I think my favorites were Snubbull, Charizard, and of course Pikachu. Also, this movie had a good exciting story with great character moments and emotional moments. Tim Goodman's development is very impactful, and you can feel the emotions he's going through. The way he slowly grows to truly care about Pikachu during the film is heartwarming as well."

"Also, Ryan Reynolds' performance is just too perfect. He's sarcastic, quirky, makes funny remarks that always hit bullseye, he's just so cool. He can also be pretty caring and emotional when he needs to be, like when he helps Tim feel better after he sees the video of his father's car crash. However, I don't think him as a human would work as well. The fact that his voice and words are coming out of a cute little Pikachu that runs and scampers around is what makes it fun. That's why I'm confused about there already being a sequel in the works, because now he's human again, and the Pikachu is just a normal Pikachu, so I don't see it as being as fun unless he somehow gets turned back into a Pikachu again. Or maybe Tim could become a Pikachu instead? Eh, guess we'll just have to wait and see."

Keldeo got a big grin and he said, "And besides that, now that this film has been so good, this should get more live action Pokemon films made. Films with a more traditional Pokemon plot, with a stronger focus on battles! Not that this film didn't have it's fair share of battles. We got a cameo from Red as we saw him battle on TV, then we got Sebastian's Pokemon battle arena which was cool, and how could we possibly forget Mewtwo vs Pikachu! So awesome!"

Keldeo calmed down a bit and said, "Well, anyway, as for the film's content, while there are a few references and jokes, they'd probably fly right over the heads of most kids. They're not really that bad anyway, so I wouldn't say that this film is harmful at all. Compared to most films that have come out recently, this film is pretty clean by comparison."

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, yeah, this movie was amazing! It was so much fun and did so much right! Even if the villains plan felt kinda weird, hey! It's a Pokemon movie! You should expect it to be a little wild! Here's hoping we see more awesome live action Pokemon movies in the future, featuring Pokemon from other regions being brought to life!"

Keldeo smiled and said, "Well, I'm Keldeo the Critic and-."

Keldeo froze, his eyes wide as he suddenly realized something. "Oh my gosh. . . it just hit me. . .We just got a movie . . . based on a video game. . . that was _good_. Not tolerable or passable, but _good_!"

Keldeo backflipped and shouted, "IT'S A MIRACLE! A MIRACLE! A GOOD VIDEO GAME MOVIE! THE CURSE IS BROKEN! WOO-HOOOOOO!"

The entire cast of the review, along with the rest of Keldeo's friends, all rushed in to celebrate along with Keldeo. Even the Swords of Justice joined in. The group cheered, some even cried tears of joy, and everyone was grateful for this movie's existence.

* * *

 **The End**

 _ **Credits**_

 _Zootopia_

 _Home Alone (1990)_

 _Portal 2_

 _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_

 _UHF (1989)_

 _The Last Airbender (2010)_

 _The Angry Bug Show_ by DragonNiro

 _Poochinski (TV Short 1990)_

 _Nine Lives (2016)_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh!_

 _Yu-Gi-Oh GX_

 _arvalis (RJ Palmer)_ on Deviant Art

 _Tv Tropes Wiki_


	63. Illusion Fox Review: The Lion King 2019

**Illusion Fox Comedy**

Zoroark smiled and pointed as he said, "Hi, I'm Zoroark! I'm an Illusion Fox and I got a review for _YOU_!"

 **ILLUSION FOX REVIEWS**

" _Lion King_ 2019! The live action version!" Zoroark shouted, "And guess what? I enjoyed it! That's right! I had a good time! So shut it, Misanthropony! Shut it, Doug Walker! I had fun with this movie. So what if it's a shot for shot remake? It still took work and effort to animate all of those animals in CGI! It took effort to plan out all of those actions scenes and reimagine them! So take your snobbish, egomaniacal attitudes and quit screaming about how evil Disney is and how stupid anyone who likes the movie is! Jerks!"

Zoroark breathed out heavily, then he smile and said, "Now, I am going to be fair and understanding in this review. No drama, no rage; just my own observations. Of course I noticed a bunch of flaws in this movie, and I'm gonna talk about htem along with all of the good stuff. Like I always say: I'm gonna give you the _good_! I'm gonna give you the _bad_! Then I'm gonna give you the _tricky_! So let's do this."

Zoroark grinned a bit and said, "Oh, and, spoilers, I guess. I mean, I guess some people might not have ever seen _The Lion King_ before. I mean, Matthais has never seen _Beauty and the Beast,_ so yeah, it's possible."

Zoroark nodded and gave an eager smile as he began, "First the good! AWESOME ANIMATION! It really looks like these characters are real. Like, _really real!_ It's just so awesome! Like whenever there's a fight scene, it's just so intense! Like, the wild eyes and deadly jaws of the hyenas in the Elephant Graveyard scene, oh my gosh, it's so awesome! And the opening _Circle of Life Scene_ works _**beautifully**_ in live action. Like, you really believe that all these animals are coming to honor their future king. So cool!"

Zoroark seemed to rock back and forth on his feet as he continued, "Also, I'm calling it right now. The new version of _I Can't Wait to Be King_ is my favorite song of this movie. Like, in the original, it was just this big, colorful fantasy sequence Simba was having with animals balancing on each other's heads and then falling over and crashing onto Zazu. Sure, it was entertaining, but this wouldn't work in the more realistic setting of this remake. So, instead, Simba and Nala are running around the watering hole with all these animals. Cheetahs, elephants, zebras, you name it! And as Simba sings, more animals come around, and it's like this whole musical number full of life and passion, and everyone is joining in. It's like, instead of a chaotic explosion, it grows into this big climax where Simba has rallied all these animals together and it just looks and feels so satisfying!"

Zoroark then smiled thoughtfully and said, "Also, the movie kinda fixed two parts of the original, or at the very least made things a little better. Like, when Scar throws Mufasa off the cliff, instead of. . . _somehow_ . . .grabbing his legs and throwing him, Scar actually _punches_ Mufasa in the face after digging his claws into his legs, and it's so brutal and villainous! Then, at the end, when Scar tells Simba that he kills Mufasa, Simba doesn't. . . _fly_ off the side of the cliff to attack Scar. Instead, Simba _bites_ Scar on the face and pulls himself up that way. There! Now _that_ makes more sense!"

Zoroark then grinned widely and said, "Timon and Puumba. . .Awesome. I mean, they're even funnier than in the original. Mostly because they're just so self-aware! It's not like they break the fourth wall, or anything, but they sure lean on it. Like, when they say Hakuna Matata, they're like, _'People usually clap when we say that.'_ After the montage where Simba grows up and he's still singing the song, they're like, _'He gained like 500 pounds since we started singing and we're still the same.'_ And during the song, not only do we see Puumba when he was a little, and he's adorable, but he also gets to say 'fart' during the song this time around and says _'Aren't you gonna stop me, Timon.'_ Man, that was funny!"

Zoroark then nodded and said, "There's also some more clever stuff about this part of the movie. Like, instead of it just being Simba, Timon, and Puumba alone in the forest, there's loads of other animals there that they interact with. Like, all of the other animals are nervous about having a lion around, so Simba has to learn to eat bugs _because_ of that. Also, there's this brilliant scene where Timon and Puumba are trying to debunk the Circle of Life and saying that what they do doesn't affect anyone else. . . while they're tearing down a termite mound which lets the other animals get at the bugs! They're literally disproving their own point, and it's so clever and genius!"

"Also, this movie actually _shows_ Scar and the hyenas overhunting and scaring away the herds. Show don't tell is always good. Oh! The hyenas!"

Zoroark nodded excitedly and said, "They're so much cooler! This time around, Shenzi is actually _the_ Alpha of the hyenas. She's threatening and clearly unafraid of Scar. This time, it's clearly an _alliance_ between Scar and the hyenas. They're not just goofy, stupid minions this time around. They're a legitimate force and power in the Pridelands, and unlike in the cartoon, they're not starving and complaining. No, _they_ get to eat while the lionesses have to starve because Mufasa' widow won't accept Scar as king. The hyenas only turn on Scar when everything goes wrong when Simba rallies the lionesses on them, and then Scar tries to blame the hyenas for everything. It just feels much better than the original."

Zoroark then grinned a bit more calmly and said, "A few more things. . . Nala and Zazu did a lot more stuff. . . We had some nice scenes between adult Nala and Zazu and Simba's mother. . . Zazu flew back to the pride for help during the stampede instead of stupidly getting slapped into a wall by Scar. . . A whole bunch of nice changes were added."

Zoroark huffed and said, "And now for the bad."

Zoroark scowled, _"_ The new version of _Be Prepared. . ._ it's a disgrace to the original song. It's not even an actual song! It's half a song with Scar just saying 'be prepared' over and over again! Okay, I guess in a realistic setting, having cracks in the ground with glowing lava and pillars rising from the ground wouldn't work. But you can still have an awesome song! _I Can't Wait to Be King_ was just as awesome! You could've had Scar jump around on rocks and run across crumbling bones as the hyenas look on as he sings his propaganda to them! You had no reason to butcher such an incredible song like this! Especially if it's one of the _**greatest Disney villain songs of all time!**_ "

Zoroark breathed out heavily as he composed himself, and he said, "Okay. . . so, what else? Well, Rafiki had a lot of his awesomeness cut. The scene where he whacks Simba on the head? Gone. In fact, Rafiki only ever uses his staff during the final act of the film where he takes a few swings at the hyenas. But that scene was important! It was him teaching Simba that pain doesn't matter when it's in the past, as long as you learn from it; and then Simba dodges the next swing. Why did they cut it out?"

Zoroark let out a loud groan and said, "And, yes, I know this movie is meant to be realistic, but you can still have a couple of mystical moments. Like Simba's reflection turning into an image of Mufasa, which is kept in the remake, or the clouds turning into Mufasa' face, _which is_ _ **not**_ _kept in the remake._ Why!? Sure, we see clouds in the sky, we hear Mufasa's voice, we see some flashing lights, but we never see any kind of face! You didn't have to go as far as the original, but you could've at least had the clouds _vaguely_ form the face of a lion! Come on, you're declawing the movie, here!"

Zoroark sighed, then he shrugged and said, "And now for the tricky!"

Zoroark smiled thoughtfully and said, "We actually get a bonus song in the remake, namely Timon and Puumba's rendition of _The Lion Sleeps_ tonight. Not only is it fun and catchy, but it also kinda invokes what happens in _I Just Can't Wait to be King,_ with other animals joining in as they walk through the jungle. We then get a clever spin on the _Can You Feel the Love Tonight,_ where it's actually sung by Timon, Puumba, Simba, and Nala. It's like an extremely less comedic version of the scene in _The Lion King 1 ½._ Timon and Puumba are singing about how they're losing Simba to Nala, Simba mentally sings about how he's gonna tell Nala about his past, and Nala mentally sings about how she's gonna get Simba to be the king she knows he can be."

Zoroark stood smiling after this, then frowned and said, "The only problem is that these songs are sung during the day! Are you _serious_! The songs have the word _tonight_ in them, and you can't even have them happen _at night_ That's just lazy! Are you doing this on purpose! Are you trying to drive the fans crazy!?"

Zoroark huffed and said, "There's also two scenes that kinda drag a bit. The scene with Scar and the mouse is made a little longer, as is the scene where a piece of Simba's mane makes a journey to Rafiki. But I consider those nitpicks. . ."

Zoroark scratched the side of his head and said, "Also. . . can Ed talk now? I mean, there's these two male hyenas who I guess are supposed to be Banzai and Ed, but they both can talk, and there's this running gag that one keeps getting in the other's personal space. . . Is that guy supposed to be Ed? Look, I know they didn't want to be offensive to the mentally impaired, gosh it's the Derpy Hooves controversy all over again, but couldn't you at least made him goofier and had him do that crazy laugh more often? Ya know, just to let us know that he's supposed to be Ed! I mean, I got a chuckle out of them, Banzai is pretty entertaining when he shows up. But still. . ."

Zoroark shrugged, "And, look, about the realistic animals not being very expressive. . ."

Zoroark's eyes widened and said, "Didn't you see the look on Nala's face when Simba said 'Hakuna Matata'? Or how about Timon's movements, or how certain animals will scratch themselves or lick themselves at certain times? Okay, seriously, you kinda have to just. . . use your imagination? Like, you need to listen to the voices and the emotions within them. If you give yourself to the movie and let yourself appreciate its world, then the emotional reactions come to mind automatically."

Zoroark huffed and said, "Okay, that's the problem people like Doug Walker and Misanthropony have. They go into this movie angry that this movie is a remake, they demand something wildly new, and get angry that it's not what _**they**_ wanted. Well ya know what? Those two are just a pair of assholes that can't just relax and have a good time! So what if it's a reshot? It's a completely revamped experience. Like, think of all those _Legend of Zelda_ HD remakes! _Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Wind Waker, Twilight Princess!_ According to those two losers, these games must all suck too because they're remakes! _**Raaaaaargh!**_ "

Zoroark breathed in and out heavily as he composed himself, then he said, "Disney is not dead. Worst case scenario, they're in a midlife crisis. At the very least they're presenting it in a different way, and they did change things around a lot. This wasn't lazy! This did have _some_ effort in it. We got some new scenes, scenes were reworked, it was a safe remix, but a remix nonetheless. People aren't being brainwashed, and they're not stupid! This movie was a legitimately fun time, and I won't let anyone barge in and say I'm wrong! Movies are supposed to be fun, and this remake succeeded at that! So there!"

Zoroark smiled proudly at that, then his eyes lit up and said, "Oh! Oh! One other thing! You know the scene where Timon dresses in drag and dances the hula? Well, obviously they couldn't do that in this realistic remake, so they replaced it with another joke that is just as funny. I actually think it's a little bit better! I'm not gonna spoil it, you _need_ to experience it yourself! Ooh, and the _They Call Me Mr. Pig_ scene is changed a bit too that makes Puumba look even better in my opinion."

Zoroark nodded and said, "So, I'll admit that there are some flaws in this remake, and they do bother me. But this movie was fun, exciting, and good looking enough for me to enjoy it for what it is. No matter which one you like better, at least now we have two versions of this movie that are both undeniably good! Don't let complainers spoil your fun. Disney made something great, even if it's based off of something they already had. _The Lion King_ is pretty much a treasure of film making, so they didn't need to change much. Making it look cool and life-like was the real point of this, and I'd say they succeeded. Man, I gotta see this movi in Blu-Ray!"

Zoroark grinned and said, "Now I wanna hear from you? Did you like _The Lion King_ remake? Or were you upset that it didn't have enough facial expressions or changes in it. . . which is totally fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion as long as they're respectful to others, _unlike two people I've mentioned in this review._ "

Zoroark smiled a bit and said, "Be sure to Follow and Favorite, you won't regret it! Night Slash! _**Raaar!**_ "

Zoroark then stepped forward and playfully swiped at the camera.

* * *

 **The End**


	64. Season Six is coming!

I should've made this clear, but the _Detective Pikachu_ review was actually the Season Five finale.

But don't panic! _Keldeo the Critic- Season_ _ **SIX**_ is on the way!


End file.
